Make us Laugh! #2

[Page Scrawler]

 

[drpaladin]

The teacher asks little Johnny if he knows his numbers. “Yes,” he says. “My daddy taught me.” “Can you tell me what comes after three?” “Four,” answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?”

“Seven,” answers little Johnny. “Very good,” says the teacher. “Your father did a very fine job. What comes after ten?” “A jack.”

[Page Scrawler]

@clochette Poor Gemma Pell. 

 

 

[drpaladin]

A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it's inoperable - in fact, it's so large, they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains - there's a jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce. The outraged lawyer says, "This is a ripoff - how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?" The doctor replies, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

[TalonRider]

I still remember the last words my dad said to me.

Stop shaking the ladder you idiot.

[Daddydavek]

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

[Zombie]

[JamesSavik]

Too war, my trusty steed, to WAR! Death to the possums!

[Zombie]

[Zombie]

The difference between a “benefit” and a “feature”…

Benefits are described in the sales pitch   

[JamesSavik]

July Mississippi heat + humidity ==> ☠️

[Zombie]

I.T. problems - response methodologies

1. Bad  jabbing buttons + keys randomly (with optional cursing), hoping that will work 

2. Good  reading the manual and pretending it’s a religious ritual: understanding is not necessary, only obedience

3. if neither 1. or 2. work then reach for the claw hammer… 🔨 

[JamesSavik]

Yikes!

[Zombie]

[JamesSavik]

Welcome to Da Hood.

[Zombie]

[drpaladin]

I asked my A.I. search engine for live stock quotes and got Moo, Baaa, and Oink.

[JamesSavik]

[JamesSavik]

now you've seen one

[Zombie]

 

[Zombie]

Perhaps this needed just a teensy bit more thought…

 

[JamesSavik]

I'm thinking super-hero movies have about run their course.

[Dhpiet77]

Contender for the world's worst joke:

A man goes to the doctor. The doctor asks him what his problem is.

Man: "I have twine coming out of my ass. I pulled, but I haven't been able to pull it all of the way out."

Doctor: "Drop trou, then bend over so I can see what seems to be the cause of the problem."

The man does that, and the doctor says: "Well, I'll be. You do have yards and yards of twine coming out of your ass. Let me see if I can take care of your problem."

So the doctor starts pulling on the twine, and after he pulls about 30 more yards of twine out, he can't pull any more out because of an obstruction.

Man: "Doctor, I can't take this any more. Please see if you can if you can pull whatever is at the end of the twine out."

The doctor gives a couple of good tugs before he suddenly pulls a bouquet of roses out of the man's ass.

Both men were astounded. 

Man: "A bouquet of roses!?! Where in the world did those come from?"

Doctor: "I don't know. There was no card attached."