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A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman
 for most of her life finally retired.

At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring
a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.
 As the doctor was looking through these his eyes
 grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.

"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?" 

"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing
 in these that could possibly help you sleep!"

She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee
 and said, "Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning,
I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice
that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks.  And believe
 me it definitely helps me sleep at night."

You gotta love Grandmas!

 

An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told
 a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a
 long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder
 on her oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously
 and lived to the ripe old age of 103.  She left behind 14
children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five
 great-great-grandchildren and a 40 foot HOLE where the
 crematorium used to be.

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Stolen from a friend on FB not sure if the accent is right but it does make a funny joke. 

 

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke.

Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.

Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no.

Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek.

The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food. The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I aint niver seed nobody do it"

Edited by Caz Pedroso
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If the person who coined the name Walkie Talkie got to name everything, we would have:

Stamps: Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators: Heartie Startie
Bumblebees: Fuzzie Buzzie
Pregnancy Test: Maybe Baby
Bra: Breastie Nestie
Fork: Stabbie Grabbie
Socks: Feetie Heatie
Hippo: Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare: Screamie Dreamie

 

 

As seen on the local sign: Procrastination.  Worship scheduled for 6:00 pm, canceled.

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Just saw this rhyme on an episode of Are you being served, Sir?

On the breast of a barmaid in Sale
Is tattoo'd the price of brown ale
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
Is the same information, in braille!

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