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Imagine Magazine Question For 10/15

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As we grow and learn to navigate our way through life, gain a little experience, and a bit of wisdom...it can be easy to look back at a younger version of ourselves and pick out our flaws and mistakes...and our missed opportunities. Especially when it comes to love.

But don't stress yourself out about it. We were all different people back then. And hindsight is 20/20, after all. When you're lost in the moment, it's easy to forget the nervous jitters, the suffocating expectation, the sweaty palms...love can be a HORRIFYING experience those first few times! LOL! And while we may look back and wonder what we were so afraid of in the first place...that didn't make things any easier when we were living through it.

This time, we're talking about the 'ones that got away' from us. That beautiful person that we really wished we had approached, or talked to, or confessed our deepest desires for...but just never took the leap of faith. Do you regret it? How do you think it would have turned out if you HAD asked them out on a date, or told them how you felt about them? If you could go back in time and give your younger self a nudge in the right direction...what would you say?

Now, this is assuming, of course, that you actually have any regrets when it came to relationships when you were young. Maybe you didn't. Maybe you were bold enough to go for it, each and every time, and make no apologies...whether the outcome was for the best or for the worst. If that's your story, tell us that too! We'd love to hear it! And so might anyone else who might be reading this.

Give us your thoughts! As always, anonymous entries are welcome. And all answers will be added to a future issue of Imagine Magazine! Cool?

Type away! The world is listening! :)

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I should have let JOEseph . . .

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1 hour ago, MrM said:

I should have let JOEseph . . .

 

Hehehe...care to elaborate? :P

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8 hours ago, Comicality said:

 

Hehehe...care to elaborate? :P

Excerpt for Brandon Smiling 1:3 vs JOEseph :P

Quote
Anyways, I took his classes and learned a LOT. Sensei really took me through the paces and finally teamed me up with a partner....and that's when I met Joseph Tanner.
 
Yes, I know its been a long and winding road to get here finally but I'm twisty like that. Hehehehe
 
We became instant best friends. He was also the first boy I'd ever had any kind of intimate contact with though not sexy per-say....though it kind of was when I think back on it a bit.
 
Jujitsu is kind of almost like wrestling, but with throwing and tripping too. So often Joseph and I would find ourselves in rather embarrassing positions as we learned the forms and different throws and pulls and locks...
 
No defense against boners though...LOL
 
So...as per usual with certain guys...ideas, ya know and that strange attraction that these guys develop for me. JOEseph (I never knew why he emphasized the front of his name) I found liked a particular maneuver where he got my arms locked around my back and then he'd have to lay on my back to hold me down. This is the kind of thing Police use to get handcuffs on struggling idiots during an arrest. Joe (my new name for JOEseph) had to press his pelvis into my butt and lock his legs around mine to immobilize me. That was the form we had to learn, but Joe liked it a lot. 
 
A very lot. I felt how much through the seat of my training uniform. It always made him grin and then he'd give me a peck on the cheek just before releasing me which made him laugh coz I'd blush.
 
Though I thought it was weird I just took it in stride. Joe was becoming a very good friend and I knew he was going to go to Garden Middle School with me when school started back up. So, I had somebody to go to the new school with and not be alone. Whatever made him happy was whatever as long he held true to being a companion in that strange new place I was going to.
 
Also, well, Joe was pretty cute too. He had brownish-blonde curly hair, hazel yellow eyes as opposed to my hazel green eyes and he was quite tan. He had been going to Sensei Yamada's classes for a while so he'd gotten some good muscle tone for a 12 year old. His butt was nice and firm and I didn't know at the time why I liked that so much...but I did. I kind of felt it up a lot more than I thought I would any boy's because so many moves required pivoting that part of the body as a center of gravity.
 
We ended up doing a lot of things outside of practice. Lunch. Movies. Games at the arcade. He even shot hoops with me at home. He wasn't much competition because he was much shorter than me, but he'd get one of those Jujitsu moves on me and totally foul me out so he could steal to ball. LOL
 
~sigh~ Oh well....those were good times. They got even better when we started at the middle school. He introduced me to some of his other friends and they were real cool. I found out Joe was pretty popular back at his grammar school, Lincoln Elementary School. It was nice to be accepted so readily into such a network. I suddenly liked Middle School MUCH better than elementary school!
 
By association I became kind of popular too.....for a while.
 
Then, the summer of my 7th grade year, Joe decided he wanted to have a sleepover with me and our buddies. Only, it turned out that none of our buddies could make it so it was just Joe and I. We watched movies (no scary ones unfortunately coz they gave Joe nightmares), played some games and some music. We could play it as loud as we wanted too because his mom was still working and his dad had split the scene before Joe was 3.
 
I met his sister...Emma. She was about 10 and seemed to be instantly and hopelessly in love with me particularly when she caught me in just my underwear getting ready for bed. It was cute...but made me blush and nervous.
 
So we settled in for the night. Joe had a small twin bed so he decided to sleep 'camping style' and set up a big air mattress he had on the floor so we could both be comfortable. Little did I know about the ulterior motives...
 
So.....~siiiiiigh~
 
So like....I was sleeping, right? But I was awakened to a very strange, scary, and extremely exciting situation that I just didn't know how to handle at ALL.
 
I had been sleeping on my back sawing them off so my junk was facing up, of course. Well...lets just say it made for easy access, Ok?
 
I woke up to JOEseph's face pretty much buried into my crotch. He was....er....licking me and my stupid body was responding like a champ. He hadn't gotten to the point where he'd taken my cock out yet, but that was next...and....well...I was already close, you know? 
 
Well...all my 'WRONG' alarms went off in my head and I did one of the most unnatural things a teenage boy could do when getting sucked off and almost there...I jumped out of bed and shouted in fear like a little girl.
 
All my Catholic Guilt just flooded through me and I was literally holding the blanket in front of my rock hard cock looking in horror at Joe.
 
Joe was like all "Shhhhhush! You'll wake the whole house up! Now get back here so I can finish!" and he smirked at me.
 
I....uh....said no and kind of.....went and pretended to sleep on the couch. I couldn't really sleep after that. Joe just seemed a little disappointed with me....but nothing more.
 
Little did I know....
 
My first inkling something was wrong was that I suddenly had a new Jujitsu partner. Marty...who sucked...but I mean not like Joe does. Marty was just terrible at Jujitsu. I didn't see Joe at practice anymore. I asked Sensei about him and he said that Joseph had changed classes to the one's later in the evening. 
 
~sigh~
 
Sooooo.....First day of 8th grade I went looking for Joe, and Elmer, and Raphael who were the core of our little click. I found them at the lunch benches and sat down like always...but they wouldn't talk to me at all. I was totally shunned.
 
Finally, at gym class which I shared with Joe, he didn't pick me for his pick up team....nobody did. The Coach had to assign me to a team. I was humiliated.
 
Joe never returned my calls either. Finally....he just let me have it. Saying 'Get the fuck out of here you loser. Don't hang around us no more!'
 
~sniff~ and that was that.
 
For the rest of the time at Gardner Middle School I had no friends and only enemies. Nobody messed with me physically because they knew I knew martial arts. But, it was back to 'Sissy Boy', 'Faggot', and a new one 'Cocksucker'. I never got picked for teams and that meant the Coaches regarded me as a 'Goal-bricker' and a loser too. So...no Junior Basketball tournaments or anything. My Dad didn't understand. I couldn't tell him why. Not ever.
 
I took up residence in the Library and pretty much read every book in there. Even the Librarian wouldn't talk to me. So...I became very closed.
 
.....and I still am.

https://gayauthors.org/story/mrm/brandonsmilingfromthebillychasechronicles/3

JOEseph was actually Jose.

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<p>
I think that I've always been a hopeless romantic at heart, even when I was too young to know what that meant. So my feelings have always run very deep for the people I care abut and the ones that I love. But when I was discovering those feelings for the very first time, I was also dealing with a lot of other issues that kept me afraid of really pursuing some of the boys or girls that I had the biggest crushes on at the time. I'd like to think that I would have had a lot more courage if I didn't have so much chaos going on in my head...but, such is life. You know?

When I write my stories, a lot of that past angst and doubt and self consciousness resurfaces in a major, and I just remember feeling that way. I'm often baffled by readers who say, "It's been a whole week already! Why doesn't he just ask him out on a date and get it over with?" WHAT??? Hahaha! Was my experience really THAT different from everybody else's? The very notion of asking a girl out, and CERTAINLY if it came to asking out another BOY...was the most terrifying idea in the WORLD to me at the time! WTF? Not only could I have my heart shredded and my dreams smashed to pieces, but then I'd have to continue to see that person every single day for the next few years. And I'm not even going to mention the threat of having my broken heart paraded around the halls of the entire school, which...when you're a teenager, might as well be the whole world. Reputation is everything. As if I didn't have enough to deal with.

So yeah, there are some regrets that I have about not taking a few chances on a couple of people that I think would have said yes. There was actually one girl that I remember from the 4th grade even, Jennifer, that I followed all the way home on the last day of school, because I didn't know how I was going to go an entire Summer without her. LOL! Because...kid logic. Now that I think about it, that's pretty creepy, hehehe, but I was just trying to get up the nerve to talk to her, and maybe trade phone numbers or something. But I walked behind her the whole way, and she was with a couple of her friends, and she got to her house and went inside and I just...kept walking. She used to smile at me on the playground all the time though, and I was so sweet on her, but I chickened out. Oh, and there was that one girl, Karen, that I actually joined the soccer team for. Just to be close to her. (We had a co-ed soccer team. I think this was about 6th grade)

There was a boy, Gabe, the I think was the first boy that I really fell hard for. I was about 10 or 11 years old, and I liked boys before, but this time it was like..."I know what this is. And I do NOT just want to be his friend." And I actually started talking to him a lot more, and we'd hang out at his house or at mine. No parents at home. But...again, I chickened out. Years later, he did come out of the closet and said that he was gay when we were in our 20's or something, but I often think back and wonder what if? You know?

Another one that I really wish I had spoken up and taken my chances with was Ed. Now Ed was actually one of the reasons that the Shack Out Back site exists today. Hehehe! It's true! We were both 22/23 years old, but he had a babyface that made him look 16, tops. And we were both working at the same place, and we just hit it off right away. Everything about him was so perfect, and we would often hang out until sunrise at his house and just talk and laugh and have a good time. I was convinced that I was head over heels in love with him at one point, and kept looking for signs and signals and trying not to write it all off as wishful thinking. And we would have these little 'moments' sometimes. Where I almost felt like, "This is it! Tell him! Do it now!" But I never did. 

But something tells me that Ed and I would have probably gotten together if one of us had something. And I wish it was me. 

So yes, I have had quite a number of people that 'got away' from me growing up, and I've gotten a bit more brave since then. But I'm not really worried about it. I'm happy with my life the way it is now, and any one of those situations could have taken me down a completely different path. One that would be unrecognizable to the path I'm on today. So I'll deal with what I've got now and be proud of the journey that brought me here.

That's all there is to it. 

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I've always been a "go-getter" when it comes to romance. If I see an opportunity, I take it, more often than not. The only opportunity I can think of that I "missed" was a little fellow named Colton who worked at a tiny cafe called Morsels. In my junior year of high school, I used to enjoy going into the shop on rainy weekends and reading a book in one of the armchairs. Curly brown hair, dark brown eyes, freckles on his nose, with dimples on his cheeks when he smiled, which was often....Colton was a good kid. Really friendly, easy to talk to. He was good at taking orders for food and drinks. I remember, on Valentine's Day, he came to see me on his lunch break with a present he'd baked himself. I wasn't dating anyone at the time. As I recall, the chocolate lava cake molded like a heart was sweet, but the little kiss he gave me was sweeter. I only saw him there for about two years, and then he moved on. I haven't been to Morsels in years, nor thought about Colton again, until now. Now, I wonder what might have happened if we had carried our relationship beyond that little kiss on a cold, rainy Valentine's Day.

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I’ve always been the opposite of a “go-getter.” I’ve rarely gone after who I liked. For some background only, I was assaulted in eighth grade by someone I thought was a friend. Then I had a girlfriend and that was an absolute train wreck that ended with me being in a “catatonic” state for about 2 years. That being said, there was this boy, Jake. The first time I saw him, I liked him. We had gym class together, that’s when we officially met. He would hover around me, especially after I broke my wrist ice skating. Thing is, we spoke maybe ten words. He tried one day, and *sigh* I walked away. I got scared, and that was that. It was then one year of stolen glances in the hall. He was all I could think about. 
 

I really think it would have worked out. 
 

I would tell myself just to go for it. In two years time, you’ll never see, yet alone talk to, the vast majority of those shitheads in that school anyways.

It’s been 6 years since then, and I’m still hung up on it. And I live about 700 miles away. 
 

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7 hours ago, Sol24 said:

I’ve always been the opposite of a “go-getter.” I’ve rarely gone after who I liked. For some background only, I was assaulted in eighth grade by someone I thought was a friend. Then I had a girlfriend and that was an absolute train wreck that ended with me being in a “catatonic” state for about 2 years. That being said, there was this boy, Jake. The first time I saw him, I liked him. We had gym class together, that’s when we officially met. He would hover around me, especially after I broke my wrist ice skating. Thing is, we spoke maybe ten words. He tried one day, and *sigh* I walked away. I got scared, and that was that. It was then one year of stolen glances in the hall. He was all I could think about. 
 

I really think it would have worked out. 
 

I would tell myself just to go for it. In two years time, you’ll never see, yet alone talk to, the vast majority of those shitheads in that school anyways.

It’s been 6 years since then, and I’m still hung up on it. And I live about 700 miles away. 
 

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough time. It can be hard to get over something like that, but don't give up on love. It really is out there. As they say, "Love is not in our choice, but in our fate." ((Hugz))

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Thanks a ton for your replies, you guys! Love ya lots for the personal point of view!

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