Imagine Magazine Question For 12/15

[Comicality]

 

 

Sometimes...the heart just wants what it wants. Right? And the heart can be a bit of a BRAT when it doesn't get it! Hehehe, sad, but true.

For this issue, I would like to ask you guys a question that seems very simple, but may end up being a bit more complicated when you think about it. That question is...

Can you truly be really close friends with someone that you're highly attracted to?

No matter what it is that you're attracted to...their looks, their sense of humor, their personality as a whole...what do you do if you're constantly swooning over someone who doesn't feel the same way about you? They may be a really true and caring friend to you, and it may be a relationship that you cherish, through and through...but is being around them more of a torture than a blessing? Does the infatuation get in the way of you two being close? Where do you draw the line between friendship and romantic intimacy?

As someone who has been through this a few times myself, I can tell you that it can be a maddening and heartbreaking experience at times. But I truly love and appreciate the good friends that I've made in my life, even if it can't ever be anything more than that. But there were times...hehehe, where I had to ask what I was doing to myself and why.

So what are your thoughts on this? Let us know! As always anonymous replies are always welcome at my new email address, Comicality@shackoutback.net! And of course, down in the replies below! Thanks in advance! And I'll seezya soon!

[Comicality]

 

It's never an easy thing to deal with...

I've probably made some really bad decisions in my past over situations like this. But when I think back on it, I don't know if I could have done things any differently. But I don't want to go down that rabbit hole again. Hehehe!

The thing is, I definitely have a sense of restraint and understanding when it comes to the people that I really have strong feelings for. But it only came with trial and error and LOTS of practice. Sometimes I would get upset over the fact that they couldn't love me back. Other times, they might have said or done something that wasn't that bad at all...but I was so emotionally invested in them that I took it to heart a LOT harder than I would have with anybody else. And now I realize that I wasn't being fair to them...but at the time...what else could I do? You know?

I think it's a difficult situation to navigate through, especially when you're younger...but you grow, you learn, you evolve. And, in time, some level of understanding is reached. Yeah, it hurts. And it sucks. But I'd never give up a cherished friendship over something as trivial as attraction and wishful thinking. True friends are harder to come by than you may think. So keep them close to your heart...even when it hurts. K?

My very best friend in the world was one of those people in my life. We've been best friends since we were fourteen years old, and still are to this day. I've seen him fall for girls, seen him date, stood at his wedding, and was there for the birth of his first child. His wife is amazing, by the way. Best choice he ever made! She's my favorite. But I'd be lying if I said that I wouldn't JUMP at the chance of him switching teams for a weekend! Hehehe!

What can I say? Old feelings die hard! REALLY hard!

[Comicality]

 

If anybody has any comments to make on this topic from December, please let me know. Whether you reply to this post, or want to email it to me at Comicality@shackoutback.net and do it anonymously, that's cool too. I'd love to get at least two or three more public comments on this one if I can.

Thanks in advance! And more stories are coming soon!

[Jdonley75]

The crux of this is the term "highly attracted to."

One would imagine that if it's a physical feature that attracts you to them, you could get over that easily.  How many times have you gone up to a smoking hot guy to hit on him only to have the illusion shattered when he opens his mouth and begins to speak?  Looks are great and all, but they never last.  Eventually, crows feet, grey hairs and sagging manboobs set in and if that's all that attracted them to you, then yeah, that can be slotted into the "friendzone."

But, I think you're angling more towards the personality of the person.  How he carries himself that gives you an indication of his level of confidence.  The way he smiles or how his eyes glitter in the light that makes the blackened little cinder in your chest thump a couple extra beats.  Some quirky thing that he likes that you also like and how is it possible that you find that one person in the world who loved "Scarecrow and Mrs. King" as much as you did?!

All that and he loves playing pinochle and watches silly stuff on YouTube and when he laughs it makes you swoon on the inside.  You're planning a wedding in the back of your mind complete with white linen tablecloths, what your colors are going to be and how wonderful it's going to be when you take your honeymoon to St. Vincent for two whole weeks where all you plan on doing is laying on the beach whenever you're not in your bungalow swapping DNA.

And then you find out he's straight.

I had a crush on this guy once.  We met through a mutual friend at the time.  I was 21, 22 and he was 25 (oh, so mature and everything)  We clicked almost immediately and I was just smitten with him!  I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him and I flirted and he flirted back despite his proclamation of heterosexuality.  I was young and full of myself and so sure I could bag this guy (it wouldn't be the first "straight" guy I've ever f*****) and we would be awesome together because when we were together we would laugh and have fun doing all sorts of stuff and even my friend was like, "dude.  You are totally in love with ****," and I'd be all, "No I'm not, tee hee."  He worked on cars and I had a car and he replaced my break pads and I will never forget how sometimes being around him would make my pants get so uncomfortable but I managed it.

Months of this cat and mouse game and in the end, nothing.  

And the harsh light of reality hit me right smack in the middle of my face when I was forced to laying there, feigning sleep in the dark at my friends house while listening to him and some... girl  going at it ten feet away from me.  How I managed to lay perfectly still and not utter a sound is beyond me.  But, I maintained the friendship.  And it was due to the fact that I loved him.  In the end, I wanted him to be happy.  And if that's what he was into then I have to accept it.  Having to look across the room at that one "friend" you always wished had been more is never really all that easy, but it does get easier over time.  Once you accept that that's just how things are going to be, you make the friendship the best friendship it can be and be thankful for it.  Because someday, someone's going to break his heart and it's going to be you he turns to for some level of comfort.  And he doesn't need your baggage and your unrequited feelings.  He needs to know he can depend on you in his moment of weakness.  To be an arm around his shoulder.  An ear for him to bend.  Or someone to snuggle up with and know that he's with someone who cares about him in the way only a real friend can. 

And over time, those feelings you used to have for him (or her) will evolve as your friendship means more and more to you over the years.  When they are elevated in your heart beyond that simple title and the feelings evolve so that it feels more like family than just a friend.  Yes, maybe once in awhile the memory of those more "passionate" feelings might creep into your waking mind.  But they'll start to feel less and less important compared to the bond you've developed over a span of decades.

That's my take on it, at least.  Good question, though.

tl;dr yes.

[Comicality]

 

Excellent answer! Thanks, dude! ((Hugz))

[Page Scrawler]

I've mentioned previously that I've "dated" friends before, and once it was over, we were never able to go back to that same comfortable place we had before. Believe it or not, I've actually lost friends-turned-ex-boyfriends, because it was too awkward to keep seeing each other, and eventually we fell out of contact. If I could go back and do it over, I would tell myself to STOP and focus on something (or someone) else before getting serious about this person or that one. I'd like to think I would rather sacrifice any romantic desires for the sake of our friendship than lose that person later. Of course, things are a bit different now that I'm married, LOL. If my husband and I ever agreed to an "open" relationship, he'd still be the only man I'd ever want.

Edited January 15, 2020 by Page Scrawler

[Comicality]

 

Awwwwww! XD

Very sweet, PS! Thanks!