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D for Dylan - sneakpeeks and chapter discussions


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Hi everyone,

I am setting up this thread with three goals in mind, -

1) SneakPeeks and Trailers - writing chapters takes time and to keep audience interested I’d be putting up short fragments/dialogue lines from the upcoming chapters while they’re cooking. Think of it as promos for TV series. 

2) Discussions about the plot, impressions on characters and critique! Any comments greatly appreciated.

3) I think I can draw? 🤔 Let’s get some artwork into action.

Let’s see how this goes. Thank you!

Dylan Moore:

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Liam Henderson:

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Dylan and Liam:

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Edited by Avogadro1001
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5 minutes ago, Fetalis said:

I love your style from the begining. Character are getting fleshed out brilliantly and they feel so lifelike(am i using the Word correctly?). 

 

Keep up the good work man. 

Thank you so much! Realistic characters is probably the greatest compliment I’ve gotten so far on this. That’s my main goal! 😄

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SPOILERS to Chapters V and VI:
 

Spoiler

 

“I heard he crashed his Camaro,” Elle said, biting on a soggy french fry and squinting at the taste.

She spat it out and squeamishly pinched its corpse with her nails, dissecting fried potato and groaning, “Ew, look at this thing... It’s like, 90 percent oil.”

“That’s horrible,” Pete commented.

“Thank you!” she nodded, accepting his acknowledgement.

“I’m talking about Camaro.” Pete clarified, adding, “Elle, please stop picking on it, it’s gross.”

*****

He knew exactly what do and what to say in critical situations, he knew how to manipulate environment around him to bring things into his favor. Take Elle, for example. He knew how important she was to me, and the first few times they’ve met he found out about her obsession with Taylor Swift. The thing about Elle, she’s very energetic and enthusiastic, but as common as it is with people like her, she frequently loses interest about things she’s overly preoccupied with. This never held truth over her eternal love for Tay-Tay. I wouldn’t be shocked if someone told me she was secretly weaving voodoo dolls of Katy Perry and sticking needles into her eyes before going to bed.

*****

“Did you have too much fun with Jake last night?” Elle asked, flapping her eyelashes innocently and prompting Pete to choke on his chili.

“Elle, I told you a million times, we didn’t have sex yet.”

“Really?” she gasped theatrically. “You positively look like someone was shagging you all night long.”

*****

People constantly mistook her for an aide or a nurse, many patients were proudly and openly racist, requesting to see ‘someone different’ without explaining why. I felt bad hearing this, but I wanted to know where I was dipping my feet and she was helping me set realistic expectations for actual real-life medical practice. Also, I was definitely able to connect with her on having an abusive father. These days her hindrances were mostly behind her, Shanice was making over 700K a year, which wasn’t a bad settlement, but the true wealth of their family had much more to do with Mr. Williams’s income.

 

 

Edited by Avogadro1001
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SPOILERS to Chapter VI. Should be released by the end of the week.

Spoiler

 

Jake took a deep breath and hugged me tighter. He kissed me in the forehead and said, “You don’t owe him anything, Dylan. Even though I hate this guy for what he did to you, I have to say I kind of feel bad for him.”

I looked at him in amusement.

“He must’ve realized what he lost.” Jake hurried to explain, smiling at me. “I don’t expect you to see what I see, Dylan. You don’t know how rare you are. There aren’t many people around that are like you. You’re pure, you’re deep and beautiful, and it’s not just a pretty face. This guy is a stupid loser and I bet he’s chewing on his lips right now.”

*****

During his son’s freshman year, Jason’s daddy had an affair with their house maid, causing a big scandal in the media after it leaked. Turned out, Mrs. Wu realized that young Vanessa was parading around the house wearing jewelries identical to her own, she then hired a private investigator to confirm her suspicions, but the guy eventually sold compromising photos to yellow press, outing the story. Apparently, creative streak in making jewelry purchases wasn’t amongst Mr. Wu’s strongest traits, which isn’t to say that he wasn’t creative with his sexual escapades.

*****

“You’re okay?” he asked, squeezing my hand.

“Yeah, I’m just... Not used to this stuff.” I replied.

“I think she’s right,” he smirked, nodding toward Elle who walked in front of us. “Someone’s compensating.”

“Stop making fun of his penis, you little ass...” I chuckled.

“Not as little as Mr. Wu.” he whispered in my ear.

*****

I took the cup from her hand and smelled the red drink. I really didn’t know what people found so amusing in alcohol, it smelled horrific, despite being laced with a crappy strawberry syrup.

“You’ll have to watch me!” I warned.

“You’re safe with me, baby!” she replied. “I’m the most responsible adult in the room!”

Elle didn’t sound very convincing. I exhaled sharply and drank disgusting potion, squinting at the taste.

*****

“What are you doing here?” an annoyingly familiar voice called out from behind.

Turning around I immediately rocked back from how uncomfortably close he stood to me. In fact, he was only an inch away, towering over me with his massive 6’5” frame and throwing shadow from ceiling lights at me.

I rubbed my eyes and chuckled, for no particular reason.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Liam said, looking me in the eyes.

 

 

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52 minutes ago, Avogadro1001 said:

SPOILERS to Chapter VI. Should be released by the end of the week.

  Hide contents

 

Jake took a deep breath and hugged me tighter. He kissed me in the forehead and said, “You don’t owe him anything, Dylan. Even though I hate this guy for what he did to you, I have to say I kind of feel bad for him.”

I looked at him in amusement.

“He must’ve realized what he lost.” Jake hurried to explain, smiling at me. “I don’t expect you to see what I see, Dylan. You don’t know how rare you are. There aren’t many people around that are like you. You’re pure, you’re deep and beautiful, and it’s not just a pretty face. This guy is a stupid loser and I bet he’s chewing on his lips right now.”

*****

During his son’s freshman year, Jason’s daddy had an affair with their house maid, causing a big scandal in the media after it leaked. Turned out, Mrs. Wu realized that young Vanessa was parading around the house wearing jewelries identical to her own, she then hired a private investigator to confirm her suspicions, but the guy eventually sold compromising photos to yellow press, outing the story. Apparently, creative streak in making jewelry purchases wasn’t amongst Mr. Wu’s strongest traits, which isn’t to say that he wasn’t creative with his sexual escapades.

*****

“You’re okay?” he asked, squeezing my hand.

“Yeah, I’m just... Not used to this stuff.” I replied.

“I think she’s right,” he smirked, nodding toward Elle who walked in front of us. “Someone’s compensating.”

“Stop making fun of his penis, you little ass...” I chuckled.

“Not as little as Mr. Wu.” he whispered in my ear.

*****

I took the cup from her hand and smelled the red drink. I really didn’t know what people found so amusing in alcohol, it smelled horrific, despite being laced with a crappy strawberry syrup.

“You’ll have to watch me!” I warned.

“You’re safe with me, baby!” she replied. “I’m the most responsible adult in the room!”

Elle didn’t sound very convincing. I exhaled sharply and drank disgusting potion, squinting at the taste.

*****

“What are you doing here?” an annoyingly familiar voice called out from behind.

Turning around I immediately rocked back from how uncomfortably close he stood to me. In fact, he was only an inch away, towering over me with his massive 6’5” frame and throwing shadow from ceiling lights at me.

I rubbed my eyes and chuckled, for no particular reason.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Liam said, looking me in the eyes.

 

 

Yes! I’ve been waiting patiently!  Here’s hoping that Jake steps in...not proposing violence, yet. 

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New art: Liam Henderson on the field.

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Also, spoilers for Chapter Seven:

Spoiler

 

He cupped my jaw in his palm and leaned even lower, deepening the kiss, forcing me to yield to him and reciprocate. Losing balance, I wrapped my arms around his back and he used this to his leverage, slamming me against the edge of the table, forcing our bodies to grind against each other.

*****

“Dylan-”

“No!” I cut though tears, stepping back.

I wiped my face and felt burning grittiness in the eyes from dislodged contacts. I breathed fast and hard, finally regaining control, lifting the veil of insane fuckery that just transpired between us in this god damned room.

*****

There was no one beside her, people just stood a few feet away and looked at her as if she was an exhibit at the museum. Some folks have pulled out their phones and started filming her, but nobody really bothered calling EMS.

 

 

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  • 2 months later...
On 12/18/2020 at 4:46 AM, Avogadro1001 said:

SPOILERS to Chapter VI. Should be released by the end of the week.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Jake took a deep breath and hugged me tighter. He kissed me in the forehead and said, “You don’t owe him anything, Dylan. Even though I hate this guy for what he did to you, I have to say I kind of feel bad for him.”

I looked at him in amusement.

“He must’ve realized what he lost.” Jake hurried to explain, smiling at me. “I don’t expect you to see what I see, Dylan. You don’t know how rare you are. There aren’t many people around that are like you. You’re pure, you’re deep and beautiful, and it’s not just a pretty face. This guy is a stupid loser and I bet he’s chewing on his lips right now.”

*****

During his son’s freshman year, Jason’s daddy had an affair with their house maid, causing a big scandal in the media after it leaked. Turned out, Mrs. Wu realized that young Vanessa was parading around the house wearing jewelries identical to her own, she then hired a private investigator to confirm her suspicions, but the guy eventually sold compromising photos to yellow press, outing the story. Apparently, creative streak in making jewelry purchases wasn’t amongst Mr. Wu’s strongest traits, which isn’t to say that he wasn’t creative with his sexual escapades.

*****

“You’re okay?” he asked, squeezing my hand.

“Yeah, I’m just... Not used to this stuff.” I replied.

“I think she’s right,” he smirked, nodding toward Elle who walked in front of us. “Someone’s compensating.”

“Stop making fun of his penis, you little ass...” I chuckled.

“Not as little as Mr. Wu.” he whispered in my ear.

*****
Also, many of my stories and essays are available at https://edubirdie.com/case-study-writing-service where I work as a professional writer and author for students. 

I took the cup from her hand and smelled the red drink. I really didn’t know what people found so amusing in alcohol, it smelled horrific, despite being laced with a crappy strawberry syrup.

“You’ll have to watch me!” I warned.

“You’re safe with me, baby!” she replied. “I’m the most responsible adult in the room!”

Elle didn’t sound very convincing. I exhaled sharply and drank disgusting potion, squinting at the taste.

*****

“What are you doing here?” an annoyingly familiar voice called out from behind.

Turning around I immediately rocked back from how uncomfortably close he stood to me. In fact, he was only an inch away, towering over me with his massive 6’5” frame and throwing shadow from ceiling lights at me.

I rubbed my eyes and chuckled, for no particular reason.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Liam said, looking me in the eyes.

 

 

awesome text! I enjoyed it!

Edited by darel aranovski
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