Homeland Security

[miguelsanchez55]

Hey gang,

Had a friend send me this. What do you think.

 

Take care,

Mike :sword:

 

 

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

 

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

 

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's

6102049998-45-54610."

 

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, > and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is home.net" target=_blank>sheehan@homenet.net>home.net

 

Which number are you calling from, sir?"

 

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

 

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

 

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

 

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

 

 

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat Special pizzas."

 

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

 

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

 

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

 

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

 

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza I'm sure you'll like it."

 

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

 

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

 

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."

 

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."

 

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

 

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash Your credit card balance is over limit."

 

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here."

 

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's

overdrawn also."

 

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How long will it take?"

 

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45

minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."

 

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

 

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"

 

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

 

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July 4, 2003 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

 

Customer: (Speechless)

 

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

 

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

 

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

[Myr]

Democrats running amok

[BillM]

Haha, that's pretty funny