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Gene Splicer PHD

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Chapter Comments posted by Gene Splicer PHD

    Chapter 18

    Mark? You were busy when you wrote this. It's a terrible sentence. Right there in the middle:   “It was awesome,” he said enthusiastically. “I met Bellona Carter, and she liked me enough to invite me to another event on Friday.” I knew who she was, mostly from listening to conversations about her with Stef and Claire.   “She has as good of taste as you do,” I said.   “Thanks,” he said, then paused. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you.”   “I deserved it,” I said.   Let's try something e

    Mark? You were busy when you wrote this. It's a terrible sentence. Right there in the middle:

     

    “It was awesome,” he said enthusiastically. “I met Bellona Carter, and she liked me enough to invite me to another event on Friday.” I knew who she was, mostly from listening to conversations about her with Stef and Claire.

     

    “She has as good of taste as you do,” I said.

     

    “Thanks,” he said, then paused. “I’m sorry I was such a dick to you.”

     

    “I deserved it,” I said.

     

    Let's try something else: instead of "she has as good of taste as you do" try "her taste is as good as yours" or "she has impeccable taste. Almost as good as yours"

     

    ...or something. But that's just a rotten sentence, dude :)

     

    Oh and this was a greet chapter, you're setting us up. I can tell :P

    • Like 1

    Chapter 1

    Well, ain't THAT a shitshow, lol   Great start, Mark, wth was Isidore thinking?

    Well, ain't THAT a shitshow, lol :)

     

    Great start, Mark, wth was Isidore thinking?

    • Like 2

    Chapter 4: New York

    This is a good story! And this chapter let us see what's driving Jordan's hesitance.   You really should start a forum thread in the GA Stories Discussion forum and link it to the story - you'll get more traffic

    This is a good story! And this chapter let us see what's driving Jordan's hesitance.

     

    You really should start a forum thread in the GA Stories Discussion forum and link it to the story - you'll get more traffic :P

    Chapter 43

    I think I'm pretty much done with unlikable characters in stories. Billy has jumped the shark.

    I think I'm pretty much done with unlikable characters in stories. Billy has jumped the shark.

    Chapter 17

    Great chapter. I liked the support for JJ. Also, the constant harassment by Will to everyone else

    Great chapter. I liked the support for JJ. Also, the constant harassment by Will to everyone else :P

    • Like 1
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