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It hurts. I wanted to claw my own skin and marred it with pain. That way the outside will reflect the inside. Because I asked myself, "Is this something someone who love himself would do?" and I weep I weep I weep. Because deep down I know, The answer is, "No."
Loneliness...do you felt that? I am alone and afraid, My lover is no longer mine, Hence I have none to relied on, There is nothing to tethered me, I had thoughts to put me through these days, Loneliness is a wide consuming abyss, I am used to be alone, Yet it scares me still. It hits you the hardest at 12am. My therapist advised me, 'Never text nor stay awake past 12am. We are vunerable with our own thoughts.' I tried my best to not to. So I write instead. Until my digits bleed, Until what is inside finally let out.
How does it feels? My love is like the beating of a thousand burning wings. Have you ever seen love crafted with fire and life breath into it? Yet the memories of your face torment me. Your words echo in my mind and the happy memories haunt me. I could still feel your stubble underneath my fingers and the warmth of your skin. Why was it that I can't remember any of these good moments? Not when I was alone and still with you? Why the thoughts torment me still? Why now? Your promises are empty, You have been as good as abandoned me. Not even the sl
There is beauty in first love, Maybe with the fact that it will end. Tell me, Have you ever experienced, or see something so raw and primal? The entire body shuddered Heaving, Chocked with tears and grieve. Throat pained with a thousand burning stars A thousand unsaid things and unspoken emotions Grieve clogged your throat. So everyday I remind myself. There is beauty in my broken love, untaught, untamed and its hunger. It was untaught, As my family never love me. Untamed, Laughter echos "Who has taught me love?" Like pieces o
Its 12 30am again. Of course I am crying, I wish the pain would just stop. What do I have to do that this will stop? I think its cruel...its cruel that he left me with advise to stand tall, to love myself and wanting to see me succeed in life. 'Go take a shower. We will scrub our hair clean and they will feel nice again.' A soft voice whispers. How do I even love again? I don't know how. I was never taught. What do I do everything for now? What do I fight for? There is no one to hug me tighly anymore. I dont have an anchor. 'For your future self.' That voice whispers again,
Ironic is it not? Not once had I done things for myself even in the name of Love. The modern west speaks of a higher self, But the idea is as ancient as the Earth itself, In the middle east they speak of Qarin, It is a djinn they said, It is unknown, their name destroyed by god himself, For a sin unsaid, It is a species hell bend on ruining us, But most of all it is a human`s counterpart, They will lure you to do terrible deed like a siren to a sailor or so they said. Then why does mine comes in the form of wraith? Why does it haunts my dreams and nightmares equally, No matter
Its alright haha. For now life is sad and morose but there is always hope for a happier future. There is no prevention for grief but the same goes for joy. Ohh yes. This definitely calls for another soul chilling poems
I have no faith that this story will turn out the same as the original piece that I have read years ago 🤣 but most of all I love the intricacy in their plan to lie to the parents. I agree with Peter that since you push me to a corner, allow me to give you what you want...by law I am following everything you wish for. But Peter? You are an ass. This is love we are talking about. What excuse is that? Take responsibility. No wonder Tristan, hearing that, took his train home. You should made your plan known to your beloved but instead he had to hear it casually while shopping for you. N
Ah I have lost my mind. When we get back lets get lost in the exhaustion and madness. Let us feel the ache and pain in our muscles and blood
He let the rush of madness in and became fearless. His mind isnt constrained by limitation anymore.
'Just as practiced.' He felt that spark before, as if lightning were a thread and had extinguished it before it got out of control. But now he welcomed it. He felt the hole opened up and his limitation as a human being vanish, like being trapped a snow globe drifting across space.
Slender fingers that belong to a 5'1 frame gripped the gate, exactly where the bolts securing it situated. The gate was a foot taller than him, but he gripped it and pulled.
Blood and adrenaline flow in every bit of his body and filled his mind with rush as the gate came off almost like its made of paper.
The sound that come out though, was the loosing high pitch of iron before it ended with a loud snap as if iron beams were slammed down.
With the momentum and rush filled him, he allow his arms to fling the iron gate towards the house, hiting the cement part of the floor.
Among the loud and fearful commotion were pale faces of his family and the air of retribution. They are afraid that he had actually been right and able to exact it. Good. Their fear tasted like cotton candy, the sweetness vanish before he could savour it and he wanted more.
"TRECHEROUS DISOBEDIENT CHILD! GOD HAS HIS WRATH ON YOU! YOU WILL BE IN HELL!"
Oh she had to doesn't she?
It was automatic, his fingers unconsciously reached out to the sky naturally and the connection opened up. He could feel the vastness of the skies and heaven above. He pluck at the sky, felt comforting heat at his fingertip and brought it down on the house.
Lightning came. Not as powerful as he felt or imagined but it hit the tv aerial and spread through out before bursting every window in the house outwards.
A figure wailed and fell down on their knees trembling while clutching their ears, "AHHH!!"
He watched with a rigid cold expression before entering the car.
"Drive?" He asked the man.
The other male snapped out of his shock and shift the gear.
A/N this is a trial excerpt. So it might be cringeworthy. Please note I typed everything at one go without review. I want to see the state of my mind and skills of my writing. I ll review them later and I finish grieving the kitten so more update.
6:37am, after unable to sleep since he came back from work, doing a straight 8 hour shift at 12:30am. After the sleepless nights before.
'A bad decision.' He thought.
'But one that no substance can replicate. No cigarettes, alcohol or drugs can replace the addicting rush of madness.' Silently, the thought echo. Almost bitterly.
How many times had he overworked to cope with grief and pain? Countless.
Counting and on going,
As he typed this out. Soon he will push it away and take his laptop to finish his work and assignments.
Two kittens lost to me within 3 weeks. First was the black one. I always wanted a black cat then this one was lost to me. Its eyes are my favourite. Yesterday I cried at work twice and when I went back home, the memories of knowing as soon as I opened the room door to feed and spend time with the kitten rushed back.
I cried again.
I got intoxicated but it doesn`t work of course. I asked my friend, "What did I do wrong? What is wrong with me?"
Now sober, I am crying and don`t think I will stop. Loving a kitten that I only spend 2 weeks with, leaving my unblemished skin, that I worked hard to do so because I want to erase the scars my family did on me with scratches. Even when it was too rough playing because it wasn`t guided properly yet (Its hyper active)...all I could think of was actually buying body scrubs to help the scars and adjust my clothings to hide some of them.
I love it so much. I miss its beautiful eyes.