Subtle Beauty - 22. Chapter 22

I watched with horror as Mich walked away from me, noting the droop of his shoulders and the edginess of his movements. “Hey, wait!” Scrambling to get up, I knocked my plate, but managed to right it as it teetered on the edge of the table. When I finally looked up, he was nowhere in sight. Oh shit!

About to push the door open to search for Mich outside, I remembered the food hadn’t been paid for yet and I turned on my heels to see our server with one of her eyebrows at her hairline and a hand on her hip. Inching toward her, I read the bill she pressed oh-so-very close to my face then fumbled for my wallet, counting and recounting the money I owed before handing it to her.

Once outside, I scoured the gas station to the left, the small parking lot up front and the vacant lot to the right, but found no sign of Mich. Squinting my eyes, I peered inside his car and sure enough, I saw him with his arms and head on the steering wheel. Finding my shoes interesting all of a sudden, I made my way to the car and tried the passenger door, letting out an audible gasp as I found it unlocked.

The silence and tension inside made me shiver. Talk about uncomfortable. Heck, I nearly opened the door again to let myself out, but I knew I had to fix this. With my gaze set on my lap, I opened my mouth to speak, but stopped when I felt the car moving. Chancing a glance at Mich, I noticed the lack of expression on his face and the way his lips were pressed tightly together. Fuck, I’m in sooo much trouble.

“Mich, I—”

Music suddenly cut me off and I couldn’t help but frown as I checked my boyfriend sitting beside me. Oh come on, cut me some slack already. Biting my lower lip, I took all of him in and readily spotted his rigid shoulders and the tightness of his grip on the steering wheel. Letting out a breath I didn’t know I held, I shifted my gaze toward the radio as my finger moved toward the on/off button. An inch away from silencing the damn thing, Mich swatted my hand off.

I deserved that. Ignoring the momentary sting where his hand met mine, I turned toward my right and stared at my reflection on the side mirror. The music playing on the radio ended and the voice of a DJ came on before I stirred again. For Mich.

Looking sideways at him, an opportunity presented itself. As he shifted gears, I wrapped my hand around his and pressed down hard. He struggled to free his hand, but I held on, determined not to let go. After a couple of minutes, he stopped resisting and I released a relieved sigh. That was hard work. Steeling myself from the unexpected, I peered at Mich’s profile. “Can we talk? Please?”

“No.” He didn’t even bat an eyelash, just continued looking straight ahead. To my horror, I felt the car accelerate as he kept his foot on the gas pedal. “Mich, stop. You’re gonna get us killed!”

The car slowed down as the tension dissipated from his body. I tightened my grip around his hand and the pressure made him look at me. We locked eyes, but only for a moment as his gaze returned to the road.

With flushed cheeks, he let out a loud sigh. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. My foot just kept on pressing down and I couldn’t stop myself, not until you shouted the word ‘killed’. Coop, when you said you’re gonna die back at the diner, I felt like an eight year old kid again who just found out about my parents being killed in a plane crash. I can’t lose you like this, it hurts so much. Worse than when I thought I lost you when we broke up. I’d choose breaking up over you dying anytime.”

A tear peeked out of his eye and I followed its journey down his face. Easing my grasp around his hand, I caressed his cheek. “I didn’t say I was going to die.”

Mich closed his eyes briefly as he enjoyed the contact of his face against the back of my hand. Neither of us said anything after that, the only sound inside the car came from the radio which droned a popular classic song.

“Back at the diner, you said...” He left his sentence hanging as he risked a quick look at me.

“No, you misunderstood. I didn’t say I was gonna die. What I wanted to know was what you’d do if I die.”

His face turned stony again. “Well what possessed you to ask that question? Why are you thinking about death?”

“Grandpa,” I said in barely a whisper which I feared he didn’t hear. As he continued to drive in silence, I convinced myself I uttered the word too quietly for him to hear. After a while, I twisted so that I faced the glass window. At least he doesn’t seem mad anymore.

“What has Grandpa got to do with this?” The edge in his voice didn’t escape me and I found myself wishing he’d remained silent instead.

Shaking off the uneasiness I felt, I removed my glasses and pinched my nose. “He talked to me about death, his, before, remember? It’s just that I... want to make sure you’re ready for it. I don’t like it either, but it’s something you have to accept and be ready for. Death is a fact of life, Mich.”

“Coop, can we not talk about this?” The tightening of his hold on the steering wheel made my heart beat faster. “Please?”

This week is about him, remember? “Sure, Mich. I’m sorry for bringing up the subject. Please believe me, I didn’t mean to make you worry.” I averted my face as I felt tears brim my eyes. While trying to compose myself, I felt him reach for my hand and grip it tight.

*************************

After an hour, things seemed back to as it was before I mentioned that dumb question. How could I be so stupid asking him that? No, I did a lot of silly things, but this was not one of them. I needed to know. Mich’s reaction was both expected and a surprise. An excerpt of our conversation earlier repeated in my head. That’s sort of the confirmation I needed, I am doing the right thing. But, oh gosh, I don’t want this week to end!

Signaling where I intended to go, I slowed down as I approached the intersection then turned left. A smile crossed my face as the steering wheel vibrated in my hands. It felt good to be driving again. I missed it.

Using my peripheral vision, I stole a glance at Mich who cradled the sleeping Seb on his lap. My smile transformed into a wide grin as I noticed his head hanging limply to his side. I don’t believe it, he dozed off.

Checking the rearview and the side mirrors first, I pulled up on the side of the road then unbuckled my seatbelt so I could face the sleeping forms beside me. Seb stretched his body before nestling himself closer against Mich’s tummy and returning to sleep. I moved my gaze from Seb to Mich’s face or what little I could see of it due to the way his head hung to the side. Gently, I straightened him up so he leaned against the headrest. Propping a leg on my seat and a hand near the stick shift, I lowered Mich’s backrest to make him more comfortable. Twice, I almost crushed Seb below as I lost my balance, but I managed to get the backrest at the incline I wanted without toppling over. With a last look at my boyfriend, I eased the car into the road.

I wished this day would stretch to forever. Despite that one awkward moment, this was proving to be a good day. Laid back days are the best. Ambling like a breeze through easy traffic, I gazed at the road stretching toward the horizon. What if I just drive on ahead, taking Mich and Seb with me, to wherever this road leads? That’s what I want, to go on and on with my Mich. As if he heard my thoughts, Mich shifted in his seat, head tilting away from me. The road was clear around me, so I took a moment to admire his distinctive profile, etching it in my memory. If only.

After half an hour of silence, boredom gripped at my consciousness. The calming effect of the scenery outside only added to my predicament. I almost turned on the radio, but stopped myself in time when I heard Mich’s silent snore. Feeling a slight flush on my cheeks, I chanced a glance at him and I caught my breath as my eyes landed on his full lips. My eyes lingered a little too long, a desire to kiss him spread like wildfire inside me. Reluctantly, I returned my gaze on the road just as I felt blood rushing to my groin. This is not the right time for such thoughts, I should wait until we’re at the hotel.

Another quick look at him brought beads of perspiration on my forehead despite of the air conditioning. Brief though it was, I distinctly saw the pre-dusk light illuminating his blond hair making it seem almost golden. I rolled down my window and let gusts of wind pelt my face. Much better.

“Coop, what are you doing?” A groggy voice said.

I jumped in my seat, my hand gripping the wheel tighter. Oh, he’s up. I rolled up the window and the inside of the car suddenly became quiet. Mich continued to observe me. “What?”

Mich rubbed his arms. Goosebumps? “Bit cold for the window down, don’t yah think?” he asked as he adjusted his backseat. “And how long was I out? You should have woken me up.”

“You looked so tired, that’s why I decided not to bother you. Also, I was afraid you’d bang your head against the window so I inclined your seat to make your nap more comfy,” I said without looking at him.

“Oh. Thanks.” I waited for him to say more, but to my relief, his silence lengthened. Believing I was off the hook, my breathing evened out, but the uneasiness crept back when I became aware of him still watching me. “You didn’t answer my first question.”

“Um, yeah, that.” Thinking hard of an excuse, I paused. “I thought the inside was getting a bit stuffy so I let in some air. Didn’t mean to wake you up, sorry.”

He patted my shoulder then left his hand there. “Are you ok? You’re acting kinda weird, weirder than usual anyway. Something’s up and you’re hiding it from me. Spill already.”

Something’s up alright. “You’re so suspicious, did you have a bad dream or something? Nothing’s going on, it’s all in your head.”

He eased his hand off my shoulder. “I think you’re right, but it really does seem like you’re acting a little strange.” A small pause then he half-shouted, “Coop!”

“Fuck, Mich, you scared me. What is it this time?”

His eyes were cast in the direction of my groin and suddenly, his hand moved to my thigh and he gave it a gentle squeeze before rubbing up and down. “Now I know what’s up. Did you happen to see a sign for any motel up ahead?”

“Um, yeah, there’s a motel about,” I considered when I saw the sign and the distance we traveled from there, “ten miles further.”

“Then I suggest you drive a little faster.”

Oh so he’s up for this? “Why? Are you that tired? The sun had barely set so I think we can push for fifty more miles.”

In a strange voice, he said, “I’m afraid this can’t wait.” With that, his hand left my thigh and gripped my hard cock.