Hello, My Name is... - 14. Chapter 14 If I Ever Lose This Heaven...

Christian glanced up meeting David’s heated stare. His eyes appeared an indigo blue; want and desire filled them.

“Chris.” David’s voice was timid and low as if he was afraid to ask, “Are you sure?”

Christian’s nod was weak, but he was certain. Not only did he want this, he needed this. It was as if everything shifted and his body took over, screaming to be touched, to be held. He felt like he was dying inside and that exceeded any fears he had. He almost felt guilty for needing David this way.

His hand gingerly caressed David’s cheek before the tips of his fingers traced the contours of David’s full mouth. David’s gasp was barely audible but he heard it.

His eyes lingered there as he leaned closer, touching their lips briefly. He pulled back trying to catch his breath. The instant contact left him breathless. He inhaled slowly before braving David’s mouth once more. There was something about the way David’s lips felt pressed against his own. His mouth were full, warm, and pillowy soft yet firm. He couldn’t get enough of the warmth they provided, sending a sensation over his entire body that was indescribable.

…

Christian’s eyes rolled back in his head as they fluttered closed, shutting out the world around them. All that existed, that mattered, was he and David.

The way he touched him, the way his hands raked hungrily over his body made him feel alive, awakening all his senses, bringing every nerve ending in his body to life.

They spent time kissing, touching, rediscovering each other; they didn't have to rush, because tonight time was at their mercy. Christian wanted to remember every part of David's body so he allowed his hand, his eyes and his lips to wander over every inch of him.

David kissed him on his stomach, his side, and his inner thigh keeping a constant connection in hopes of providing a distraction as his fingers gently pressed inside, preparing to make love to him. He heard himself gasp for air from the pressure and he tried to relax as David's nimble fingers worked him.

"I love you." He heard David whisper soothingly in his ear before kissing him there. "Relax, Christian."

His breath hitched getting caught deep within his throat when he felt David enter him. The stretching… the burn was something he remembered, something he craved, leaving him wondering why he had denied himself such pleasure.

He felt the palms of David’s hand firmly caress his butt, grabbing at the cheeks demanding him closer and Christian readily abided giving himself over to David, trusting him completely.

Christian found delight in the fact that it was him, his body pleasing his husband in this way. He loved the way his name sounded to his ears as it dripped from David’s lips. The incoherent words were filled with longing and he could only make out one in particular…Love. He knew beyond a doubt that David loved him and he heard his own confession leave his lips before crashing into David’s mouth kissing him fervently, never wanting to lose this feeling...this heaven again.

Their bodies moved to a unique rhythm that was all their own. The variations of fast then agonizingly slow thrusts warned him that David was losing his resolve. Beads of sweat dripped down onto Christian’s neck and chest. He felt David’s grasp on him tighten, holding him in place as he burrowed deeper inside him, using Christian’s body to feed his own carnal desires.

The way David called out his name when he came caused Christian’s own body to respond sending him spiraling out of control with each forced release. It was as if his body had been suspended in midair and was now falling, plundering to the ground.

He struggled to breathe, digging his fingers in David’s skin trying to hold on, to keep from drowning in the sea of cool waters that put out the internal flames burning inside him.

…

The feeling was incredible as they lay wrapped in each other’s arms. Christian lying between David’s legs, his head resting comfortably against his chest finding coolness in the white sheets tangled around them.

“Was it always that good?” Christian giggled shyly as he allowed his fingers to play idly in the fine black hairs that lay so neatly against David’s chest.

“Umm,” David inhaled while he too played in his husband’s sweat laced hair. “You never complained,” he answered with a hint of confidence.

“Well, if tonight was any indication of us, then I’m sure I didn’t.” Christian rolled over onto his stomach resting on his elbow so he was facing David. He gave David a lopsided smile before chewing on the inside of his cheek. “You know how good this feels? It seems like forever since I’ve felt this alive, this free.”

“Same here,” David smiled as he took Christian’s hand to his lips kissing it ever so tenderly.

“Shhh.” Christian placed his hand to his ear and squinted as if he was trying to hear something off in the distance. “Hear that?”

“What?” David rose up slightly straining to hear what Christian was referring to.

“Quiet.” He laughed ducking his head against David’s chest.

David chuckled amusingly as well. “Yep.”

Christian’s laughter faded to a soft chuckle and his demeanor took on a more serious nature.

“Thank you, again,” he said looking deeply into David’s eyes. “I realized today that I’m very lucky to have you. To have all of this.” He smiled. “A husband who loves me, two healthy, beautiful boys. Great friends. What more could I ask for?”

“Your memory,” David answered simply.

“See, that’s just it. I want my memory back, don’t get me wrong,” he clarified, “But if I don’t get it, then I’m okay with that too. I have to be.” He shrugged and smiled weakly.

David pulled Christian up so they were lying side by side and caressed his cheek. “I didn’t know my heart could dance until I met you.” He tilted his head slightly trying to make eye contact. Christian smiled softly meeting David’s warm gaze. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you and our sons in it. So if you never get your memory back, I’m still going to be here and love you no matter what. You may not fully remember us, but I do and the essence of you, of who you are hasn’t changed,” he confessed as their lips found their way back to each other. “I love you,” he said between kisses as he rolled Christian onto his back and climbed on top of him.

…

David stirred from his slumber, still in a euphoric haze. He stretched out his arm expecting to find his husband sleeping by his side only to realize he was alone. Christian’s side of the bed was void of any warmth. He sat up and slowly inhaled the sweet scent of their lovemaking that still lingered in the air before climbing out of bed to go find him.

The air was cool and the dew was still thick on the ground. Christian could see the sun just over the horizon promising to make an appearance. His eyes were starting to burn, but he knew he had to keep going; defeat had never been an option and he wasn’t about to start now.

‘A sharp angle here, a slight curve there would work perfectly,’ He reviewed the blueprint he had sketched out for Mr. Lambert. It was his hope that he would sound so impressive that his previous meltdown would be forgotten.

He sighed contently and smiled at the sound of the patio door sliding open.

“There you are,” David said poking his head out.

“Hey.” Christian glanced over his shoulder and smiled.

“Hey.” David waved, but didn’t step outside.

“Join me.” Christian motioned with a slight nod and short wave of the hand.

“Are you sure?” David asked as he hesitantly stepped on the patio. “I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not,” he assured him. He scooted forward on the lawn chair allowing room for David to squeeze in behind him.

Once situated David wrapped his arms around Christian’s waist pulling him back against him.

“What you got there?” He peered over Christian’s shoulder, resting his chin in the crook of his neck.

Christian held up the folder in his hand for David to see. “The sketches I was supposed to go over with Craig,” he replied through a frustrated sigh.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Chris. Things happen,” David offered consolingly.

“I know,” Christian shrugged, “But I wanted to do well,” he explained as he set the folder down on the table and rubbed his tired eyes.

“You will. When you’re ready to go back. Don’t push it,” David lovingly advised while tightening his hold on him.

“I am ready,” Christian countered.

“That’s not what you said when we left the site,” David reminded him. “You said it was a mistake and it was too soon.”

“I was scared and confused.”

“And you’re not anymore?” David questioned, concern evident in his tone.

“Scared yes. Confused no,” Christian clarified. “I’m terrified of my life, David. Of the unknown,” he said thoughtfully. “There’s so much about me…us, that I don’t remember and I’ve been wracking my brain for just a hint of it.”

David nodded reflectively, absorbing every word.

“It’s like I said, I have to be okay with the fact that I might not ever get my memory back. And I’m not one to sit idle and wait for something to happen.”

“True.” David laughed softly, with a hint of understanding in his tone.

“I have to make it happen. And that means taking what semblance I have of my life back. Being the best father I can be to our sons. A husband to you… this is my life,” he stated without restraint. “It is what is.”

David took a deep breath and released it slowly. “Can I ask you something?”

Christian felt David shift behind him. He thought he knew what his husband was going to ask. He spent a lot of the time out here thinking about that very thing and he was ready with the most honest answer possible.

“Um…” David cleared his throat and relaxed his hold on Christian. Christian glanced over his shoulder sending David an encouraging smile as he took his hands into his own and wrapped them back around his waist. David returned the gesture with a weak smile before continuing. “Okay, so earlier tonight when we were,” He paused for a moment and sure enough Christian was right. “When we were,” he started again.

“Making love,” Christian piped in.

“Yes. You said you loved me.” He chewed nervously on his lower lip. “Did you mean it or was it a heat of the moment thing?”

“I meant it,” Christian said without hesitation. He smiled when he felt David relax behind him. “I meant it in the heat of the moment.” He paused purposely feeling David stiffen behind him again. It had to be his devilish nature because he loved making his husband squirm.

“Okay.” Christian noticed the uncertainty in David’s voice.

“And I mean it now.” Christian smiled sheepishly. He repositioned himself on David’s lap so he was sitting across it and rested the side of his head against David’s chest. “I don’t know when it started to happen,” he admitted honestly while playing with David’s fingers. “Let Tag tell it, I’ve always loved you.” He shrugged. “He thinks self-consciously I never stopped.”

“And what do you think?” David’s voice was soft yet probing.

“I don’t know. I do remember when you walked into my hospital room for the first time I thought you were the handsomest man I’d ever seen.”

“Wow, that’s quite a compliment coming from a straight gay,” David laughed, gaining him a swat across the chest.

“Hey!” Christian’s head shot up sending David a playful scowl.

“Ouch!”

Christian sighed pressing his lips tightly together to suppress his smile and rested his head against David’s chest again.

“Did you know your son wants a husband?” Christian laughed.

~*~*~

“Hurry up boys, or daddy’s going to be late,” David announced to the boys as he led them into the kitchen. David stood tall and collected, a man on a mission.

“Look at him,” Tag leaned toward Christian and whispered behind his mug. “I told you all you two needed was a good fuck,” he snickered before sending Christian a sly wink. “He’s glowing and shit and you look radiant.”

Taggart brought the boys home just in time for them to eat breakfast and get ready for school as Jimmy promised. When they arrived Christian was making pancakes and David was getting showered and dressed for work.

Christian was sure his friend’s ear piercing squeal when he told him about his and David night would wake not only the neighbors but also the dead. It was clearly obvious he approved telling him, “It’s about damn time.”

“Shhh.” Christian smirked as he stood up from the table. “Are you sure you don’t want me to take them?” He asked David as he squatted down to fasten the velcro buckle on Ethan’s shoe.

“No, we’re fine, right guys?” David said as he tousled Liam’s hair. He grinned up at his father nodding his head yes.

“There you go.” Christian pushed himself up after fixing Ethan’s shoe.

David rewarded him with a kiss for good measure before pulling him into a tight hug. “Love you,” he whispered in Christian’s ear.

“I love you too,” Christian said with a shy smile.

Taggart sat at the table misty eyed, watching the scene play out before him. He placed his cup on the table and crossed his legs while crossing his arms over his chest, getting comfortable. The way Christian looked at David with that certain sparkle in his eyes that only David could produce warmed his heart; it had been a while since he’d seen it. It appeared that Ethan and Liam had finally gotten their daddy back. He watched as Christian hoisted Ethan into his arms pushing his soft black hair back off his face and tenderly kissing him on the forehead while walking behind David and Liam.

“Bye, Tag, thanks again for bringing the boys home… Bye, Uncle Tag,” David and Ethan’s voices called off in the distance pulling from his reverie.

“Oh, yeah.” Taggart sent them a warm smile. “Have a good day, Fellas.” He waved watching admiringly as Christian walked his family outside. He picked up his mug and took a sip with a thoughtful faraway look in his eyes as his mind started to drift again.

‘Jimmy would make a perfect father,’ He thought to himself and sighed reflectively. He could picture him rolling around on the floor with Ethan and Liam. Plus he was great with his own nieces and nephews. Everyone loved “Uncle Jimmy.”

Every time they went to the store, he would end up looking for Jimmy, only to find him either in the toy department looking for some new wrestling action figure or in the video department searching out the newest ‘Pixar or Disney movie to add to their collection for when the kids came over.

He glanced down at his wrist and smiled fondly at the letters inscribed on the inside of it. The color had faded but he liked it that way. ‘J.W.’ it was simple and the first tattoo ever had, it stood for his first and only love, Jimmy Williams.

He wondered if he was being selfish for no reason as he took another sip of coffee before sitting his cup back on the table. All he’d ever wanted was a man that loved him unconditionally. Accepted him for who he was and not judge or make fun of the way he talked or walked. That man was ‘his’ Jimmy. He rested his chin in the palm of his hand and let out a deep prolonged sigh. Surely there was enough of Jimmy to go around…

“…Tag.” He felt a hand on his shoulder. “Earth to Taggart,” Christian laughed. He was so deep in thought he didn’t even hear Christian come back in the house.

“Are you alright?” Christian asked before walking over to the counter to refill his own cup with coffee. “You looked like you were on another planet.” He held up the carafe and asked, “You want some?”

“Huh?” Taggart shook his head warding off his daze.

“What’s on your mind?” Christian asked as he took his seat across from his friend.

“Nothing.” Taggart smiled appearing slightly distracted before getting up from the table. “I’ve got to get going. I have to meet Jimmy at the shop. It’s my day to work the cash register,” he said as he sashayed over to the sink. “Gotta earn my keep, not to mention good help is hard to find,” he stressed with a click of the tongue.

“Yeah,” Christian chuckled in amusement.

“Walk me out, Sweetheart.”

“Of course,” Christian pushed himself up from the table, grabbed his mug and set it on the counter before following Taggart. Taggart stood by the door and waited for Christian. They shared a knowing smile as Taggart draped his arm around Christian’s shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

“So, you’re good?”

“Yeah.” Christian glanced up meeting Taggart’s kind gaze. I’m good. You?”

“Peachy.”

Thanks to everyone for reading and all the support, personal messages and reviews.  I still have a little more of this story to tell and a few surprises for ya   so I hope you'll stick around.
Kim