A New Life - 5. Two Sides of the Same Coin

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Mike Gibbons sat on the edge of his bed that Friday night finger-picking haunting blues melodies on his acoustic guitar while thinking of events old and new. The last two nights he had heard virtually nothing from Keith. This would be the third night without contact from his best friend and it created a dull ache in the pit of his belly. At least they got to talk about some stuff during the night at the beach. But the new kid, Preston stole away Keith’s interest in any further discussion. Mike was torn between feeling intense pangs of jealousy for Preston and happiness for Keith. Preston seemed to be a really nice guy but he was an unknown. Mike could only hope that Prez wouldn't hurt Keith and try to get to know him better. After what had happened a few years ago, Keith probably would not easily get over something like that.

Mike and Keith did some experimenting when they were thirteen that almost ended their friendship. Mike enjoyed the outrageous feelings created by his old pal’s hand. It seemed that Keith enjoyed it when Mike returned the favor. When they were back at school the following Monday, Mike couldn't find anything to say to Keith. Unable to find appropriate words, Keith was silent as well. Ever since second grade, the two boys had been practically inseparable but for almost their entire seventh grade year they had not spoken. There was no more meeting each other at school, hanging out by lockers, lunches in the cafeteria, little league practice or late night phone calls.

Derrick’s family moved in to the house behind Mike’s during the time that Keith and Mike weren't speaking. The day they met at school and realized how near they lived to each other, the boys began to develop a close bond. When Mike’s father had a heart attack and passed away, Keith put aside the months of silence and went to his old friend's side. Mike had both Keith and Derrick to listen to his endless crying over the loss of his father. It seemed that every so often, for most of the first year after his father's death, Mike would get emotional - sometimes anger, sometimes sorrow, sometimes guilt. No matter what though, either Derrick or Keith or both were right there to support him through another episode.

During one such episode, Mike and Keith were alone and talked for hours on end into the wee hours of the night. They came out of the dark confines of the closet for the first time, admitting to the each other that they had in fact enjoyed the sensations shared the previous year but neither could explain their inability to talk with the other. It was easy to admit that they cared deeply for each other. They also agreed part of the problem was fear of being classified "gay" but that wasn’t the only reason. There was still something that neither could find the words to describe.

There was one other thing they could easily admit to each other that night. No matter what he was wearing, no matter how sweaty or dirty, Derrick Siebert was a handsome blond angel from heaven. When the light was turned off and the boys lay down to sleep they finished off their conversation with dares to ask Derrick if he would be in to some after school "extracurricular" fun and games.

Derrick and Mike share a love of music. Mike would pass his guitar over the back fence to Derrick then jump over and they would jam for hours almost daily. For many month's this went on. Even when they weren’t playing music they would discuss the merits of various bands or favorite songs. Naturally, they didn’t always agree and a few sore spots developed. One afternoon, while Keith was listening to them jam, one of those sore spots got scratched. What Keith initially thought was just some playful swearing soon became a loud argument and Mike stormed out of the house. Keith looked over at Derrick but before he could ask what was going on Derrick got up and left the room.

About two weeks later Mike called Derrick and asked if he could come over, not to play but only to talk. Derrick tried to make excuses why Mike shouldn't come over but Mike persisted and Derrick finally gave in. Mike jumped over the back fence and was standing in Derrick’s bedroom a few minutes later. Awkwardly, they greeted each other and a few moments passed before Mike finally asked Derrick if he wanted to call this friendship over. Without any hesitation Derrick replied, "No, that’s not what I want."

"Then we should try to talk this out, don’t you think?" Mike asked, walking towards the bed where Derrick was sitting.

Derrick got up and turned on his stereo. "There’s really not much to talk about. You like music I don’t like and I like stuff you don’t like at all."

"I was just teasing you, honest." Mike said, walking over to where Derrick was standing. "It’s not that I don’t like it at all, I just prefer not to listen to it."

"Well, I was only partly teasing you." Derrick said, returning to sit on his bed. "I really don’t like the way some of that grunge stuff sounds. But somehow when you play it, suddenly it sounds okay. I guess it’s just the recording I don’t like."

"The same goes for me. I understand why you listen to Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Carl Palmer’s a great drummer and you’re getting really close to playing ‘Tank’ but some of that stuff just sounds like a lot of noise to me."

"I really like jamming with you Mike. I j-just don’t know…"

"Don’t know what, dude?" Mike asked.

"How t-to umm… get to like… t-tell you…" Derrick stuttered.

"What’s the matter, bud? Tell me what?" Mike pleaded.

Derrick looked down, put his head in his hands and said, "I c-can’t say."

"Look man, I really want to work this out but I guess you’re not ready." Mike said, and turned to leave. "It's cool, some other time. Call me when you’re ready, okay? I’m gonna jet."

Derrick hopped off the bed saying, "No. Don’t go Mike."

Mike closed the bedroom door and turned around seeing that Derrick was as upset now as he was during the shouting match that got them into this mess. "Please tell me." He whispered.

"I can’t help it, Mike." Derrick said, turning to sit back against the headboard of his bed.

Mike walked close behind him. "Can’t help what, bud? What could be so bad? We’ve known each other for almost two years. You can tell me anything."

Derrick looked down and fidgeted with a string on the blanket. "I can’t help thinking the way I do, feeling the way I do. I’ve got half the girls in school following me around, practically begging for a minute of my attention but you know what? I’m really not the least bit interested in any of them. No matter how sweet or erotic any of those notes are, they just don't feel the same as... I don’t want to be gay, honest I don’t. I’m sorry dude. I just can’t help it."

Mike stood silently at the foot of the bed for a few moments before walking around to sit beside him. "It’s okay, dude. I came to the same conclusion not too long ago. About me I mean."

The last few words spoken reverberated around Derrick’s skull. "Really?" He asked.

"Yep. It wasn’t too difficult a decision for me. I’ve always been attracted to other dudes." Mike confessed.

"I guess I have too. I just denied it. Babes look good and all, most of 'em. I can't explain it. "

Pausing for a few seconds, Mike realized that Keith was there during the argument so he asked, "You’ve got a crush on Keith, don’t you? I can’t say I’m surprised."

"It’s not Keith." Derrick answered before Mike finished speaking.

"Keith’s a really great guy and man, does he have a hot body or what?"

"It’s not Keith, dude." Derrick said louder.

"It’s not? Well, who’s the lucky guy?" Mike asked, nudging Derrick’s shoulder.

Derrick looked up into Mike's eyes and confessed, "It's you, dude."

Mike paused for a few moments, unable to speak but thinking to himself. Derrick likes me? This kind, caring, blond haired, hazel-eyed Adonis likes me?

Derrick looked up and saw Mike's eyes apparently miles away. "It's always been you. Lately you're the first person I think of when I wake up and the last person I think of before I go to sleep."

All Mike could say was "Me?"

"Yeah, bud. You've been everything to me for the longest time."

"I really care a lot about you too, Derrick." Mike said. "I'm scared though."

"Scared of me? Why?" Derrick asked.

"I'm not scared of you but scared of losing you and the friendship we've already got. I almost lost Keith back in seventh grade because we once got... once we did some stuff. We didn't talk almost that whole school year. I don't want anything like that to ever happen ever again."

Derrick put his hand on Mike's knee and squeezed it gently. "It won't happen dude. I could never diss you, ever." Derrick put his other hand on Mike's arm to get his attention. "This last week alone without you coming over or calling pushed me over the edge. I think maybe... I love you, Mike."

The tears that were welling up in Mike's eyes flowed freely down his smooth cheeks. "Really? Wow! I guess I love you too, Derrick. You always make me feel so great, better than anyone else."

Derrick said, "I... I'd like t-t-to k-kiss you Mike."

Leaning forward towards him, Mike said, "You're so cute when you're bashful and start stuttering! Hell yeah, you can kiss me!"

Derrick's hand slid up Mike's arm and stopped at his neck. He leaned in, tilted his head slightly and cautiously his lips touched Mike's for the first time. When Mike's hand slid up Derrick's arm, his senses went in to overload and he gasped, opening his mouth. Mike rolled his tongue over Derrick's, beginning a deep, slow exploration. Their hands began to wander around, their heartbeats raced and the need for oxygen became secondary to holding the kiss.

Mike saw Derrick's hazel eyes up close and noticed that, at that moment, they seemed to be a beautiful sky blue color. They broke their kiss and leaned forehead to forehead against each other for a minute or two.

"I want to... do you?" Mike asked softly.

"Oh yeah, but not here. My folks are home. Where can we go?"

Mike stood up, pulling Derrick off the bed with him and noted the time. It was after 11PM. They had been talking for almost two hours and it seemed like less than thirty minutes had past. "My mom and sister are in bed by now. How about the pool-house?"

Derrick grinned and stole another kiss. "Perfect!"

"That'll be our getaway." Mike said, adjusting himself. "For our first time that'll be comfortable and private."

The house was silent as the boys walked down the hall past the living room and kitchen. Derrick wrote a note to his mom, just like any other Friday night note he had written in the past two years, telling her where he was going. Mike opened the sliding glass door and waited for Derrick to turn out the lights and join him.

"I'm nervous, Mike." Derrick whispered as they walked across the back yard.

"I am too, dude. I don't want this to be a one-night stand and lose our friendship in the process."

Derrick stopped Mike just before the fence and said, "It won't be. I share so much of my life with you already. I could never give that up."

Mike smiled warmly as his greatest fear disintegrated. "What are you nervous about?"

"I dunno. Mostly that I won't be able to ya know, make you feel good enough."

"Oh man, you've already made me feel great! I would've never guessed this night would happen like this. I really thought I had lost you already, dude." Mike said, and jumped over the fence.

"Not a chance." Derrick said, and jumped up and over.

They walked around the side of the pool side by side. Mike grabbed a few cushions off the lawn furniture then opened the pool-house door. Derrick waited outside with his hands in his pockets while Mike turned on the lights.

"Come on in, dude." Mike said lying the cushions down on the floor.

Derrick stepped inside and looked around the room as if he had never been in there before, looking every where but at Mike.

When Mike turned around and saw Derrick standing there, shuffling his feet with his hands in his pockets, he could barely contain his laughter. This was a side of Derrick that was rarely seen, mostly with large crowds and unfamiliar surroundings, like when they started high school. After two years of seeing each other almost daily, Mike thought this was just about the cutest thing he could ever have expected from Derrick. Mike stepped over to him and said softly, "It's just like any other night together."

Derrick looked up at Mike, grinned and said, "Yeah, almost."

"Let's go inside the house for a few things." Mike said, heading out the door and Derrick followed close behind. They gathered up the guitar, about a half dozen CD's, the CD player, a pair of drumsticks and some towels then went back out to the pool-house. Derrick put the "Blues Guitar Greats" CD in the stereo then started taping out rhythms on the wooden benches and walls while Mike played and sang along.

When the first CD had ended, Mike got up and dropped in R.E.M.'s "In the Attic". The next thing he knew, Derrick's arms were wrapping around his waist while his back was turned.

"Thanks for giving me time to chill, dude." Derrick whispered.

"I'm glad you're feeling better."

"Much better. I don't know why I get all weirded out like that."

"Don't worry about it," Mike replied.

"It feels good to hold you like this. Is this alright?"

"You betcha! It feels great."

Silently they began to sway slowly to the music. After "Finest Worksong" finished, Mike turned around and kissed Derrick's soft lips. Mike pulled up Derrick's shirt and slid his hand underneath it. Feeling Mike's hand rub lightly across the contours of his smooth stomach and chest sent shivers of pleasure up Derrick's spine. They helped each other remove their shirts, kicked off their sneakers and went over to lie on the cushions.

Derrick watched Mike intently as he sat and then lay back. He had hoped that coming out to him would be cool. Never in his wildest dreams did he expect that Mike would want to return the feelings. Now as he sat down next to Mike he could admire those broad shoulders and strong chest openly, where before he could only sneak glances. Derrick's gaze wandered down Mike's flat stomach, past the navel and trail of small hairs leading down under his tented jeans.

Mike's heart pounded as he watched Derrick lean back on one arm next to him. Derrick is the most gorgeous guy in the whole high school. His natural beauty and perfect proportions demanded attention that could not be refused. During the summer, Derrick's tan would get incredibly dark, contrasting with his dirty blond hair. Mike reached over and ran his hand through Derrick's hair while the still incredible question "He loves me?" bounced around the echo chamber in his brain. The question was answered when their eyes met, locked and Derrick leaned down and kissed him softy.

For weeks after that first night together they jammed almost every day as usual, but when they were alone at night, they talked for hours on end, every night, several times falling asleep in each others arms. All the topics they dare never discuss openly in a crowded place were discussed. Burdens were lifted, dreams made more real. One night on the phone, only about seven weeks ago, Derrick called and asked if could come over. It was safer to have a little late night romp around the bedroom at Mike's so Mike was not surprised by the question and readily agreed. Mike greeted him at the back door and they walked to the bedroom. They talked quietly about school and joked about the latest gossip, waiting for Mike's mom and sister to go to sleep before making love.

When they had finished and were holding each other, Derrick whispered, "I want you with me always."

"Me too." Mike agreed.

"Always, Mike. Past high school, through college and into the real world."

"That sounds awesome. Forever is a long time though."

"Yeah but I feel like... detached from everything, as if it's not real when I'm not with you." Derrick said.

"Yeah and that dull ache that only goes away when I'm with you." Mike agreed.

"I know. And it really hurts too sometimes."

"Can you really be mine forever and want only me?" Mike asked.

Derrick paused only for a moment before answering, "I know I love you, Mike. I know we can talk through everything. I want to try and keep you forever. Could you be mine forever?"

"Oh yeah I could, Derrick." Mike said with tears of joy rolling down his cheek.

Derrick kissed away the tears and said, "Then I'm yours and you're mine, forever."

Simultaneously they both said, "I'll never leave your side." They smiled at each other for a few moments then suddenly shouted, "Jinx!" and started laughing. Mike rolled over on top of Derrick and they kissed for a long time before making love again.

Glancing at the clock, Mike put down his guitar on the bed. It was almost midnight. He had been playing and daydreaming for about three hours and Derrick would be home from work any minute. He grinned at himself for letting his recollections get so intense as he walked out to the backyard to wait for his best reason for living to jump the fence.

Derrick still got a little shy sometimes, especially when he was the one to initiate activities. It was weird how behind the drum kit he appeared to be an aggressive, almost animalistic personality, and then in front of it he was often quiet and reserved. Even stranger was the way his hazel eyes changed color along with his mood. Mike was certain he wasn't imagining it. The light wasn't changing his eye color, his mood was. They looked more brown when he was upset or angry, varying shades of blue when he was thoughtful or aroused, light green while having sex and deep green during the after glow.

Mike heard a door close and shuffling of the trees and shrubs by the fence. He got up from the patio chair and met Derrick for a welcoming kiss in front of the pool house. He noticed Derrick's sky blue eyes and knew they would spend most of the night awake in each other's arms. As they walked hand in hand back into the house Mike hoped Keith was having as much fun with Prez as he and Derrick always had together.