Letting Go - 14. Chapter 14

Justina came next day around eight in the morning, she brought some breakfast her mom had made earlier especially for Keith and Elliot's mom and coffee she had picked up on the way. Keith and Elliot’s mom were both sitting on each side of the sickbed, nobody had been saying anything but staring at their loved one lying unconsciously on the bed.

 

“Hey,” Justina pushed in and passed them the breakfast and coffee, “How is he?” Her eyes were bloodshot and forced a smile on her face.

 

“We don’t know,” Elliot’s mom kissed Justina on the cheek and thanked her for the breakfast and coffee, “He did not wake up during the night. The doctor was here five minutes ago and said his body seems to be recovering well after the surgery, but we still need to wait till the moment he wakes up.”

 

Justina walked to Elliot and kiss him gently on the cheek, she wanted to say something to him but then swallowed.

 

“Justina,” Keith put his breakfast and coffee aside and stood up, “Can we go somewhere, there is something I would like to talk to you about.” He then looked at Elliot’s mom to check whether it was okay for him to leave for awhile, “It won’t take long.”

 

“Of course.” Justina replied.

 

“You should go home and rest.” Elliot’s mom said to Keith, “I will call you immediately if anything happens.”

 

“No, we will be back soon,” Insisted Keith and his eyes locked on Elliot, then closed his eyes as if to shut off the pain and left with Justina.

 

They went out of the hospital and walked to a cafe around the corner. Keith ordered them some more coffee, found an empty table and sat down.

 

“How are you?” Justina asked with great concern.

 

“I want to ask you about Elliot.” Keith ignored Justina’s question. “Yesterday in the morning I came across Erasmo in the park, and he told me that Elliot has been confused about our relationship for a long time, and it’s very painful for him to be more involved with me. Do you know about this? You are his best friend, he must have said something to you if even Erasmo knows about it.”

 

“Erasmo told you that?” Justina sounded suddenly angry, “That fucking idiot!”

 

“So is it true?” Keith asked.

 

Justina looked aside for a second. Then said, “It is.”

 

Keith’s heart started to bleed, the nauseous feeling came back to him, he could hear his heart break into pieces and the air he breathed became so heavy.

 

“But he did not tell you the whole story.” Justina looked firmly into Keith’s eyes. “There is a reason why he has been feeling like this.”

 

Keith looked up at Justina, and waited for her to tell him something that he did not know.

 

“But he has told me not to tell you this.” Justina felt guilty.

 

“Justina,” Keith sounded half angry, and half desperate, “Elliot is now lying unconsciously in the hospital, he might not...” He could not finish his sentence.

 

Justina sighed painfully. “Ok. I’ll tell you what happened to him three years ago.

 

“Elliot’s first boyfriend ever was Jasper, back then they were both violin students, they fell in love two months after they had met each other, they were both sixteen at that time but this love between them was so strong it was more mature than any love I have ever seen.”

 

Keith expected it to be another story of how one became doubtful in love after a horrible relationship, but he let Justina continue.

 

“One day during the summer three years ago, Jasper invited Elliot to his car race competition, he had a passion for racing cars, and he wanted to win the prize for their two months traveling around the world, but their love story all ended there. Jasper’s car went horribly wrong during the competition and he crashed into another car, then another one hit him from the side, the side he was sitting in. Elliot was sitting among the screaming audiences and witnessed everything. He ran down to the field and pushed through the staff who had tried to stop him, I can never forget the horror in his scream. The competition stopped, after he walked to Jasper’s totally destroyed car, the image he saw still haunts him today. Elliot was destroyed for a long time, I can’t imagine what he has to go through after seeing his loved one being crashed and dead instantly in the accident,” Justina started to weep, “imagine the person you have loved, and everything you have shared together and they all end in one brutal second. Elliot did not show up at Jasper’s funeral because he would have to accept the ghastly truth if he saw them lowering Jasper’s body under the ground, so he never said goodbye. During the one year following the accident, Elliot was like a dead person, you could not see any light in his eyes, every living signs were ruthlessly leaving him, until the moment he met you.”

 

Keith’s tear was already dropping on his hands, his body shivered uncontrollably. Justina wiped her eyes and continued.

 

“For the first time after one year I saw the light was coming back into his eyes, and I felt he was alive again. He loves you a lot Keith, He loves you more than anything in the world, but he is feeling guilty about the love he has for you because he has never said goodbye to Jasper, he wanted to talk to you about it but he is not brave enough to go back there again, he feels like he’s being tearing apart by the past and present, he wants to let go of the past but he feels he is betraying Jasper, he wants to be happy with you because you mean more than anything for him, and the last thing he wants is losing you. He feels sorry to keep you away from this secret, and now he is feel guilty for you also. He is lost, he dose not know what to do, he is becoming more and more depressed everyday and I’m afraid he will return to the state where he were three years ago, and this time it will really destroy him, and the light in his eyes will be forever gone.”

 

*

 

Keith and Justina returned to Elliot’s ward, Elliot’s mom was still sitting there without any motion. She looked exhausted and her eyes were full of bloodshot.

 

“You should go back and rest for a few hours,” Keith said to Elliot’s mom, trying hard to hide from the pain in his chest from the truth, “I will be here all the time, Elliot needs you, so you can not collapse. He is just sleeping now.”

 

Elliot’s mom grabbed her son’s hand softly and nodded. Elliot’s chest heaved regularly, and his breath sounded calm.

 

“I will be back soon.” She kissed Keith and Justina and left.

 

“Can you leave me alone with him also?” Keith asked Justina. “If you don’t mind, could you go to my place and take the charger for my phone? It’s almost dying.”

 

Justina hugged Keith tight, kissed Elliot on the cheek and left the room.