All We Have Now - 4. Part 4

When it got dark Troy extinguished the fire with soil again and we lay down to sleep. I wanted to be held by him, but only scooted close enough so our arms were touching.

"Do you think we'll make it to California?" I asked.

"Yeah, a lot of roads will probably be blocked and it'll take a long time, but I'm sure we'll get there."

"Have you ever been there?"

"No, you?"

"No, but I bet it's great."

"Yeah, I've been thinking, we could find a nice, big house on the beach somewhere, plant a garden, go out fishing and really build a life for ourselves there, you know?"

"I'd like that. Do you think we could get a dog too? Maybe if we'd find puppies somewhere?"

"A dog barks, which could get us killed."

"What if we teach him not to bark?"

"You can't do that. Dogs bark."

"That's probably true. Maybe we can get one when all the monsters are dead."

"You don't want a cat?"

"Not really."

"We could breed jackrabbits. They'd probably get tame enough over time that you could pet them and play with them."

"But then we couldn't eat them anymore."

"Why not?"

"You can't eat pets."

"It's the apocalypse Cody, you can eat anything."

"But I want at least one for myself."

"Alright, sounds reasonable."

"Tell me more about our life together."

"Well, when we've found a place that's remote enough we'll have to secure it, build a fence, maybe booby traps and then we'll probably spend most of our time scavenging, looking after our garden, hunting, stuff like that. But on the weekends we'll do nothing. We'll get clean, sleep in, have elaborate meals, go swimming, maybe even surfing, and read. We'll do that for a while and then, when all the freaks are gone, the real fun begins. We'll move near a city, get the most expensive sport cars, go on joy rides and make trips where we stay in fancy hotels and mansions. Also, we'll get the best projector and sound system for our house and every night we'll watch movies and play games."

"That does sound like fun. We could also get a bunch of designer clothes and just throw them away when they're dirty. And we could go to museums and art galleries and take whatever we like to decorate the house with."

"Sure."

"I wish we were already there and could do all that stuff. But we don't even know if we'll make it there alive or if the monsters are really going to die someday. And even if they do there are still bad people out there who want to kill us, that won't change."

"We just have to take it one day at a time, hope for the best and plan for the worst. It's pointless worrying about things that are out of our control and who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and everything will turn out fine."

"That's a good attitude and you're right, we should stay positive."

"Exactly."

"We'll need maps. What if we don't find any?"

"It would probably be easier to find a navigation system, I mean, the satellites should still work, right?"

"I don't see why not and that would be really great."

"We should still look for regular maps though, just in case. A lot of people have one in their glove compartment, at least one for the state they live in."

"We'll need a lot of fuel too."

"Yeah, we should start sucking it out of every car we come across."

"That's going to be gross."

"Don't worry, I'll do it, no need for both of us to get nauseated."

"Thanks."

"Sure."

We stayed quiet for a while.

"Hey, what do you think it's like to suck a dick?" Troy asked.

"I don't know, I think it could be exciting, stimulating your partner and giving him pleasure like that. But it's also work, kind of, that's probably why it's called a job. And if you're only on the giving and never on the receiving end it won't stay exciting for long either."

"Do you think it tastes like piss?"

"No, not if it's clean. It probably doesn't really taste like anything, unless there's pre-ejaculate. I've heard that it tastes a little bitter and salty, but not necessarily bad. I don't pre-ejaculate by the way."

"I'm not sucking your dick!"

"I'm just saying, and just so you know, if we ever become a couple I won't do anything you're not willing to do for me too."

"But you're gay, I'm not, so that's not fair," he said, frowning.

"That doesn't mean I should have to do all the work and get relatively little pleasure in return."

"I could give you handjobs."

"That's not the same as oral sex."

"Fine, be like that."

"You know what, after what you've put me through I'll probably never want to do anything sexual with you anyway, so this argument is moot."

There was a pause.

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

We didn't talk for a few minutes.

"When do you think you'll be ready to travel?" I finally asked.

"Maybe in a day or two, why? Are you eager to get back out there?"

"No, not really, this is not too bad."

"It sure beats sleeping in the truck and keeping watch all night. I'm not looking forward to that."

"Yeah, me neither... Hey, do you think we could grow bananas and strawberries in California?... Uh, and peaches... And honeydew melons... And huckleberries."

"I'm afraid we'll have to be a little more practical than that. I mean, we'll have to water all those plants somehow and it never rains in California, so we'll have to prioritize. We could maybe grow one fruit if we had to."

"Or we'll just find a place with a well or a river close by, then we could grow all the fruits we wanted, couldn't we?"

"Sure, but that's easier said than done."

"I'd do anything to eat fresh fruit salad again."

"Alright, then that's our new main goal in life, making sure you'll get fresh fruit salad again someday."

"I know, I'm being an idiot, I'm sorry."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you were making fun of me and you're right, it was stupid."

"I wasn't making fun of you. Everyone needs a goal in life and growing enough fruit for a salad is as good as any."

"What about what you want?"

"You can't play baseball with only two people and all the beer will have gone bad soon, so there's no point in looking for any."

"Well, we could still get a glove, a bat and some balls and have fun. We could even go to Dodgers Stadium in LA and play there. And if the monsters are gone we'll get you one of those machines that shoot balls at you. We could also find a library and get a book on how to brew your own beer. It can't be too hard and that way you'll be able to drink so much you'll get a belly."

"I guess, that would be kind of cool."

"See? We can both be happy."

"Alright, but fruit salad comes first."

"Fine, if you insist."

"I do."

"We should pray to God, you know? Ask him to look out for us."

"I think God stopped looking out for us a while ago."

"I guess, but it still can't hurt to ask."

"Knock yourself out."

I folded my hands and silently prayed to God. I asked him for forgiveness for our sins and for him to guide and protect us. It felt a little weird, because I hadn't talked to God since I was a child. My parents weren't religious, but my grandmother was and whenever I stayed with her overnight we would say a prayer together before I went to bed. After a while I started doing that at home too, but then she died and it became too painful, because it reminded me too much of her, so I stopped.

"Ok, I prayed for the both of us," I said when I was done.

"Great, now we'll have nothing to worry about anymore."

"Maybe not, I mean, he can't be very busy at the moment and we're good people, so it's possible that he'll help us."

"If that belief lets you sleep better at night, more power to you."

"Speaking of sleeping, are you tired yet?"

"Yes, very."

"Oh, I'm sorry, why didn't you say something?"

"I like listening to you talk."

"That's sweet, but I'll let you sleep now, good night."

"Night."

I lay awake for maybe two hours, but I didn't mind, it was peaceful. We had a full moon and it was light enough to see a little. I watched Troy's chest rise and fall and listened to the silence. He looked so vulnerable when he was sleeping. At one point his face started to twitch a little, which made me think that he might be having a nightmare. It wouldn't have been surprising after what he had been through. Not knowing what else to do I gently stroked his arm, hoping it would help somehow. Sure enough the twitching stopped and I grinned to myself proudly.

In the morning I was woken by the smell of fresh smoke and when I opened my eyes I saw Troy leaning against the tub, watching me.

"Man you're a sound sleeper, I've been up for over an hour," he said.

"I'm tired," I replied drowsily.

"Come on, you have to help me break drawers. I want the fire to be burning all day."

"Ten more minutes, ok?"

"Fine."

I closed my eyes and what felt like ten seconds later I was shaken by Troy.

"Let's go, rise and motherfucking shine, bitch," he said cheerfully. I moaned and pulled the blanket over my head. "Do I have to tickle you awake? Cause I will," he added.

"No no, I'm awake," I said, alarmed, and quickly sat up.

"What do you want for breakfast? Prunes or pears?"

"Pears please."

"Here, have some coffee," he said and handed me a steaming cup.

"Thanks, just what I need."

"I know."

I took a sip and felt how the hot beverage slowly filled my body with warmth. I closed my eyed and moaned softly. When I opened them again Troy was smiling at me.

"You seem to be in a good mood," I said.

"Yeah, I've decided that we're gonna have fun today."

"We are?"

"Yes, I've found a board game we could play and we still have the book to finish and enough wood that it'll stay nice and cozy in here."

"What board game?"

"It's called 'Pandemic', you play it co-operatively and have to save the world from ending."

I giggled.

"I think we've already lost that game."

He frowned.

"Yeah, I guess it was a stupid idea."

"No, it sounds fun, let's play it."

"Alright, but business before pleasure, we have to break this stuff first."

"Sure."

I finished my coffee and we shared a can of pears. After I had used the 'toilet' we started to break drawers together.

"These too?" I asked and held up a speaker.

"Yeah, why not."

Troy took it and opened the back with his knife.

"Holy shit, look what I've found," he said and showed me a small plastic bag with what looked like green tea in it.

"What's that?"

"It's weed. There's even a pipe in here."

"Oh, you mean marijuana?"

"Yeah, we're gonna get so fucked up."

"I don't know if I want to take drugs and I don't think you should smoke that either, you're still recovering after all."

"Weed is good for you. They prescribe it to people with cancer. If anything, I'll heal faster."

"But that's not medical marijuana."

"Weed is weed. Come on, don't be a killjoy, getting high is a lot of fun."

"Ok, I'll try some."

"That's the spirit."

We finished breaking wood, put some on the fire and sat down. He was leaning against the tub and I was sitting in front of him with my legs crossed. He filled the little pipe, lit it, took a long drag, and inhaled the smoke deeply. He held it in for a few seconds and then blew it out. He cleaned the pipe, refilled it and handed it to me. I took a long drag too, but had to cough as soon as the smoke entered my lungs.

"I feel dizzy," I said.

"Me too."

"Do you want to play the game now?"

"Sure."

I set up the board between us and started to read the instructions out loud.

"Do you get it?" I asked when I was through. He looked at me with a surprised expression. His eyes were bloodshot and seemed really small, which made me grin.

"Get what?"

"The game, I just read the instructions to you."

"Oh, you read that to me? I wasn't listening."

"Who else did you think I was reading it to?"

"I don't know, to be honest, I thought you were just talking crazy."

"Do you want me to read it again?"

"Read what again?"

"The instructions?... For the game?"

"Oh, yeah, right on."

I read them to him again.

"And, do you get it now?" I asked.

"Not at all, whatsoever, period. What about you? You've read it twice now."

"No, I'm stumped."

"You know what we should do?"

"No idea."

"Dance."

"But we don't have any music."

"I could sing a song and you could dance to it."

"Go for it."

He started to sing, completely out of tune.

"Bye bye American pie, I drove a Chevy into a levee, but it was totally dry and the good old boys drink whiskey and cry, this will be the day that I die, this will be the day that I die...Wow, this song is such a bummer."

We both laughed, but he immediately held his chest and frowned.

"Does it still hurt a lot?"

"No, I'm holding my chest cause I'm so patriotic," he said, grinning.

"Do you want me to kiss it better?"

"Sure, but no tongue, alright?"

I giggled, leaned forward and gently kissed his chest. I lifted my head a little and our faces were only an inch or two apart. I closed my eyes and our mouths touched. His lips were softer than I imagined them to be and to my surprise he kissed me very tenderly. He was really retrained and applied just the right amount of pressure. It felt pretty exciting, but I knew we shouldn't be doing this. I didn't want our relationship to become sexual, at least not as long as I didn't have feelings for him, so after a few seconds I pulled away and sat back down.

"That's weird, I'm really hard right now, but I'm not gay at all. How is that possible?" he said.

"Well, maybe you're only gay for me and otherwise you're totally straight."

"Yeah, and there's prison-gay, you know, when guys get attracted to other guys cause they haven't been around women for so long, right? Maybe I'm apocalypse-gay, for you."

"It's possible."

Suddenly he poked his wound and moaned in pain.

"Shit, it hurts so bad, I think it's time to kiss it better again. You can even use your tongue this time if you want," he said and I frowned.

"Don't do that. And I'm not kissing you again. I shouldn't have done that in the first place."

"That's so cruel, teasing me like that, you know?"

"I blame the drugs."

"You know what we should do?"

"Eat? A lot? I'm so hungry."

"Sure, we can do that too, but first we should smoke more weed."

"So you can take advantage of me?" I asked, grinning. He blinked a few times and looked down.

"I won't touch you, I swear on my life," he said sadly, which made me frown.

"Hey, I was only kidding. You can touch me if you want."

He looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

"I can?"

"Not down there and no kissing, ok?"

"Alright, got it."

"Let's smoke more weed."

"Oh, look who's tasted blood."

"Well, it is kind of fun and it's not like we can get addicted or anything."

"That's right."

We both smoked another pipe and then decided to lay down. We didn't talk for a while and just stared at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking right now?" Troy finally asked.

"I'm wondering how hard it is to kill an elephant."

"Wow, I never would've guessed that."

I laughed.

"I know."

"Do you feel like getting up?"

"No, I feel kind of wonderful."

"You are wonderful."

I smiled.

"Oh, you." I said. I turned on my side and hugged his arm. "Are my eyes as bloodshot as yours?" I asked

"I don't know."

"Look at me then."

He did and grinned.

"Yep, totally bloodshot... Do you want me to kiss them better?"

"No, but thanks."

"Are you still hungry?"

"Very much."

"I'll make us something."

"That's amazing."

"I can't get up though."

"Oh no."

"Yeah."

"Hey, what if we'd get attacked by monsters while we're like this?" I asked.

"Maybe if we'll hold our breaths they'll think we're dead and leave."

"How long can you hold your breath for?"

"Five minutes."

"Really? Wow... Wait, that can't be true, you'd die."

"Oh, you meant without dying? Ten seconds then."

I laughed really hard.

"That's not very long."

"How long can you do it for?"

"Let's find out," I said, inhaled deeply and held my breath. After a while I exhaled and gasped.

"How long was that?" I asked.

"How the fuck should I know?"

I giggled.

"Why do you always have to curse?"

"No fucking idea."

I giggled again.

"Why don't we take a little nap?"

"Great idea."

I closed my eyes and fell asleep shortly after. When I woke up I was still hugging Troy's arm and then I noticed that he was watching me.

"Finally," he said.

"How long have you been up?"

"Half an hour maybe."

"I don't feel as high anymore, but I'm still hungry."

"Let's eat then."

We restarted the fire and heated up two cans of soup. When I tasted it I moaned with pleasure.

"This is so good. It's like I hadn't eaten in days or something," I said.

"Yeah, weed does that."

We finished our soup in silence.

"What do you wanna do now?" Troy asked.

"Duh, smoke more weed of course."

He grinned.

We both smoked another pipe, then we lay down and I hugged Troy's arm again.

"You know what our new life goal should be?" I asked and I could feel him trying not to laugh.

"To smoke weed every day?"

"Yeah, no, well, yeah, but no. Our new goal should be to grow marijuana and I mean like an acre or something."

"We couldn't smoke that in a lifetime."

"Speak for yourself."

He laughed, tensed up and moaned.

"We can't be stoned all the time," he said. "This is an exception, but we have to stay sharp or we won't survive for long. I mean, we shouldn't be stoned right now."

"Yes we should, let's smoke some more."

After yet another pipe my brain felt totally fried and could barely keep my eyes open.

"Troy, are you still there?" I asked.

"I don't understand the question."

I laughed really hard, but then I thought of something and turned serious.

"Troy! Get my backpack!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, I don't think so... What was I just saying again?"

"Get my backpack."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"Wow, we're really high right now... But we're on the ground, so we're technically low, but we're on the second floor, so we're high, but low, but high."

"You're freaking me out."

"Yeah, me too."

We stayed quiet for a while.

"Someone has to put more wood on the fire," Troy said.

"Oh no."

"I'll do it."

"That's amazing."

He sat up, went on all fours, crawled to the pile of wood and carried a couple of pieces to the tub. Next he got my backpack, dropped it in my lap and lay back down.

"No, please, I don't want to leave, please," I said, alarmed, and quickly hugged his arm.

"What? Who said anything about leaving?"

"You brought me my backpack."

"You told me to, remember?"

"Oh... Thanks then, I guess."

"You're welcome."

I pressed myself against him, wrapped my legs around his and laid my arm over his stomach.

"You're hard," Troy said.

"What? No... Oh yeah, I am. Weird."

"Wanna do something about it?"

"Like thinking of something gross?"

"No, like getting off."

"That's way too much work and I'd probably fall asleep half-way through."

I felt him laughing a little.

"I could do all the work if you want."

"No, I'm too high to decide something like that right now. Let's just cuddle, ok?"

"Alright, sure."

"Thanks."

"Man, I'd kill for a bag of chips right now."

"Uuh, we still have a can of spinach, we could eat that. It's like chips in a way, isn't it?"

"It's nothing like chips, at all."

"That's very true."

I could feel him laughing again.

"Hey, wait a minute, we have canned potatoes, oil, spices, oil, a pen, canned potatoes and a camping stove, we could make chips ourselves," he said.

"Just listening to you list all the thing we'd need was exhausting."

"Yeah, you're right, bad idea."

"Troy! Oh my god, get my backpack, quickly!"

"It's lying next to you."

"That's amazing."

I turned around and searched my backpack till I found the half-eaten Snickers bar and showed it to Troy.

"Look what I've found," I said cheerfully and he grabbed it right out of my hand.

"Thanks."

My eyes widened and I quickly pulled out his knife.

"Give it back to me right now or I'll cut you," I said warningly and he laughed, tensed up and pressed his hand against his wound.

"Cut this," he replied and grabbed his crotch.

"I will."

"I bet you this candy bar that you won't."

"Fine, eat it, but I'll never speak to you again," I said, pouting. I turned my back to him and curled up in a ball.

"You're not crying, are you?"

I just held up my middle finger.

A few minutes passed and then he suddenly reached over me and put the candy bar next to my head.

"I was only kidding, you pouty-ass bitch," he said. I took it and turned around.

"Well, to punish you I will now eat it in front of you and when I'm done I'll belch in your face." He laughed really hard, but immediately winced and inhaled sharply.

"I still have the weed, you know?" he said.

"Oh... Hey, let's share this candy bar, ok?"

"That's alright, you can have it."

I frowned.

"But eating this will be amazing."

"Yeah, enjoy."

"No, we're sharing this and that's final."

"Fine, but you're getting the bigger piece."

"Hush now."

I split the candy bar evenly and handed him the lower half. I took a small bite out of my piece and closed my eyes.

"Oh Jesus, that really hits the spot," Troy said.

"Yeah, it's like an orgasm in my mouth."

"You can have an orgasm in your mouth any time you want, you know? You just have to blow me. Won't taste as good though."

"You're a pig," I said indignantly.

"I was kidding, Jeez, you're such a prude."

I wanted to object, but he kind of had a point there.

We ate the candy bar and then I cuddled myself against Troy again.

"How much weed do we have left?" I asked.

"Four pipes worth maybe."

"We should smoke all of it before we go to sleep."

"I agree."

"What time is it?"

"It's a quarter past no fucking clue."

"Don't curse," I said and slapped his chest playfully. He tensed up and moaned.

"What the fuck?"

My eyes widened and I lifted my head.

"I am so sorry," I gasped.

"It's fine, just don't do that again, alright?"

"No. Never," I said and gently stroked his arm.

We both smoked another pipe to ease the pain. I took Troy's hand and we just lay there in silence for a couple of minutes. Suddenly I smelled something foul.

"Did you just break wind?" I asked.

"I don't know, something happened down there, but I'm not sure what. Felt good though."

"Maybe I should break wind too."

"Go for it."

I tried, but couldn't.

"It didn't work."

"Bummer."

"Yeah."

"I need to take a nap, I think."

"Me too."

I fell asleep shortly after. When I woke up I felt almost sober again, so I restarted the fire and watched it burn for a while. When there were only embers left I opened two cans of meat loaf and heated them up. I shook Troy awake and we ate. We had prunes for dessert and then dozed around till it got dark, smoked the rest of the weed and went to sleep.

The next morning my head felt heavy, like I had taken too many sleeping pills the night before and it hurt a little. I just lay there, daydreaming about the future, till Troy opened his eyes an hour or so later.

"Good morning, do you feel as bad as I do?" I asked.

"Probably worse, since I've been shot recently and all."

"You're right, poor thing," I said and stroked his arm.

"It was worth it though, wasn't it? I mean, we had fun yesterday, right?"

"Yeah, it was a really great day and I guess being hung over is a fair price for that."

"Do you still want to grow an acre of weed?" he asked, grinning.

"I'm not planning to become a drug addict, if that's what you're asking and it's unlikely that we'll find seeds anyway, but in case we do I don't see why we shouldn't grow a couple of plants."

"Yeah, I guess."

"I don't feel like getting up, can't we just stay in bed all day?"

"Sure, why not, but I think tomorrow it's time for us to move on."

"Do we have to?"

"Well, right now we might still have enough supplies to last us till we get to California and that would be one thing less to worry about, so we should take advantage of that."

"That's true. Ok, tomorrow then, so let's really enjoy today, because we don't know when we'll be this comfortable again."

"Sounds like a plan. I'll take care of the fire and you can pick something for us to eat in the meantime."

"Ok."

After breakfast we lay down, I cuddled myself against Troy and we just enjoyed the warmth of the fire. We dozed off occasionally and around noon I felt drowsier than I had hours before. We heated up some soup and ate.

"You should kiss me," Troy said when we were both finished.

"I should? And why is that?"

"To see if I'll get hard."

"What if you do?"

"Then we'll know it wasn't just the weed."

"But I don't feel like kissing you right now."

"Just come here for a second." he said. He leaned forward and pressed our lips together. It felt kind of nice and even though I knew it was a bad idea I couldn't stop myself. I kissed him back. After a couple of seconds he suddenly tried to slip me his tongue and I immediately backed away.

"You can't just kiss me, that's very rude," I said, pretending to be indignant, so he wouldn't kiss me again. I wanted him to, but I didn't have feelings for him yet and kissing could quickly lead to more. That was a problem for me, because I was shy, even a little prudish and I also considered myself a romantic, so having sex casually wasn't an option.

"It's not like I held you in place or anything. And you liked it, just admit it." he replied, grinning.

"Well, I didn't hate it. What about you?"

"Me neither. I'm definitely apocalypse-gay for you."

"Good, now that we've established that there's no reason for us to kiss again anytime soon. Understood?" He leaned forward, but I held him back. "Troy, no!" I said warningly.

"Aww, come on, don't be like that, let's have some fun."

"No, if anything is going to happen between us I want it to be when I'm ready and on my terms, ok? You owe me that, don't you think?"

"Alright, sure."

"Thank you."

"Wanna read to me?"

"Ok."

I got the book, we lay down together and Troy took me in his arms. I read to him for a couple of hours and we reached the end just when it was about to get dark. We had another meal and went to bed.

In the morning I felt saddened by the fact that we had to leave and a little frightened by the things that were waiting for us up ahead. We ate a can of pineapple together, packed, and carried everything to the truck.

After studying the map and determining the fastest ways to all the farms on it, we headed out. Since it would've been painful for Troy I was driving. The truck was old and so loud it was hard to hear each other, so we didn't talk. It was a snowy, cold, but sunny day and thankfully none of the roads were blocked. Half an hour later we arrived at the first farm, but it was burned down. The next one looked untouched, but there were monsters everywhere and they started to walk toward us from all directions, like someone had just rang the dinner bell, so we quickly moved on before they could surround the truck. On our way to another farm we passed a train station.

"Let's check it out! We might find a map in there!" Troy yelled.

"Ok!"

I pulled into the parking lot. We got out and entered the station. Inside there was a big room with stores on the sides and doors at the end, leading to the tracks. In the middle there were a couple of benches and a monster was sitting on one of them with his back to us. We walked up to it and Troy got ready to stab it in the head. It was a female monster. She had a big hole in her stomach and a dead newborn was lying in front of her, with a blood trail behind it. Next to her was a suitcase she was holding on to with one hand. When she saw us she didn't move or make any sound, she just watched us with her black eyes. It was really eerie.

"Yikes," Troy said, disgusted.

"Why isn't she attacking us?" I asked nervously, peeking at her from behind Troy's back.

"I don't know, I've never seen anything like it."

"Do you think she ripped it out or that it clawed its way out itself?"

"Does it really matter?" he asked indifferently.

"I guess not. What do you think is in the suitcase?"

"Let's find out," he said and raised his knife again to stab her in the head. The monster showed no sign that she cared.

"Wait!... Do we have to kill her? She's not doing anything," I said with some sadness in my voice.

"She's a freak Cody," he replied disapprovingly and frowned at me.

"Please?" I begged and looked at him puppy-dog-eyed. He lowered his knife.

"Fine," he sighed, "but if she comes after us you have to kill her yourself, alright?"

"Ok, thank you," I said in relief.

There was one of those tags you get at an airport on her suitcase.

"It says here her name is 'Antje'. How weird, she's probably from Europe. Maybe people from there don't become aggressive when they turn into monsters and that's why she doesn't attack us," I said.

"How nice for them. Can we move this along?"

"Yeah, sorry. Antje, please don't attack me, ok?"

Troy raised his eyebrows and looked at me like I was crazy.

I kneeled down and slowly pulled the suitcase away from her. Thankfully she didn't seem to mind. I opened it and thoroughly searched it. Except for a toiletry bag there was nothing useful in it.

"Check the front pocket," Troy said, so I did and sure enough there was a map of the entire state in it.

"How great is this?" I asked cheerfully.

"Well, it's a start. Now let's go."

I got up.

"Thank you Antje. I'm sorry about your baby. Goodbye."

"Jesus, why don't you give her a farewell kiss?" he said and shook his head a little.

"What? She's a very nice monster."

"Whatever."

We searched the stores, but didn't find anything useful, so we went back to the truck.

The last farm on the map was very near the road and when we got there a monster came out of the front door, so we figured the place had already been looted and wasn't worth the trouble.

"What are we going to do now?" I asked.

"Let's just head west and play it by ear from now on."

"Ok. We'll need gas soon, we're almost running on empty."

"There's a one-horse town thirty minutes from here, we should find some cars there."

"Let's hope so."

"Hey, you asked God to help us, so what could possibly go wrong, right?" he said without any sarcasm in his voice, which surprised me.

"I guess," I replied, grinning.

We made it to the town after an hour or so and fortunately there were no monsters in sight. We started to break into cars till we found a fuel canister in one of the trunks. Troy insisted that only he would suck the gasoline out of the tanks. At his first two tries he spat out a whole mouth full, it was really gross and I felt bad for him, but I was also grateful that I didn't have to do that. We refilled the truck and kept heading west.

"It's getting dark soon! We should look for a place to sleep in the next town!" I yelled.

"No, we shouldn't stop or it'll take us forever to get to California!"

"But I'm tired from driving all day!"

"Then let me take over!"

"But that'll be painful!"

"It would be more painful to clear a house full of freaks!"

"Fine, but when do we eat?! I'm hungry!"

"How about right now?!"

"Ok!"

I pulled over and we heated up two cans of mixed vegetables on the camping stove. After we had eaten we relieved ourselves and got back on the road.

"Maybe you should try to take a nap!" I yelled.

"Yeah!"

He lay down, put his head on my lap and closed his eyes. I kept driving till two o'clock in the morning and then Troy took over. The truck was too loud, so it was almost impossible to sleep and when the sun came up I was exhausted. Around mid-morning we stopped to have breakfast. It was really chilly and snowing a little. The sky was cloudy and dark.

"We can't keep going like this or one of us will fall asleep and drive into a tree," I said.

"We just have to get used to this. It'll be fine."

"No, I'm totally beat and you don't look so good either. We should rest, at least for a couple of hours."

"This fucking truck is too damn slow, so we have to push on or we'll run out of supplies half-way to California."

"Please?"

He sighed.

"Alright, we'll rest, tonight."

"Thank you."

We ate a can of fruit and then continued our journey. In the afternoon we ran low on gas again, so we decided to look for cars in the next town. Troy had only filled half the tank when two monsters walked out of a building. He barely managed to kill them and then three more showed up, so we fled. The town after that had only four houses and one burned out car.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. "We'll cross the state line in about twenty miles and since we don't have a map for that state we have no idea when we'll get to another populated area again. We should go back."

"No, we're not going back."

"But what if we'll run out of gas?"

"Then we'll be fucked."

"Exactly."

"It'll be fine, God is on our side, remember? Well, at least on yours, but that should be enough."

"But you said you think God doesn't care anymore."

"He cares about you, so we will find gas, you'll see."

"Are you so sure because you think I'm an angel?"

"I was drunk when I said that."

"People tend to tell the truth when they're drunk."

"Let's just say I'm not completely ruling it out, alright?"

"I'm not an angel Troy."

"We're not going back."

I didn't agree with him that we should keep going, but I trusted him and if he was sure we'd make it then that was good enough for me.

"Fine."

Troy kept driving till past midnight and then we finally stopped. After we had something to eat we lay down, he on the seats and I on the floor, since I was smaller. I fell asleep right away. I was woken with a start by a loud banging. Troy and I got up at the same time and when I looked outside there was a horde of monsters, dozens of them, all around us. I immediately started to shake with fear. They must've seen us move or maybe they could smell us, because more and more of them walked over to the truck, groaning aggressively, and pushed against it. Troy quickly got in the driver's seat and started the engine. At the same time the window on the passenger's side shattered and two monsters reached in and tried to grab me.

"TROY!" I screamed in terror. He put the truck into gear and stepped on the gas. We drove off, but one of the monsters was still caught in the window.

"Troy!" I yelled, totally panicked.

"Kick it!"

"No, it'll grab me!"

"Hold on!"

I quickly wrapped myself around him and he stepped on the brakes. The monster was thrown off the window and Troy accelerated again.

My whole body was shaking and I even had started to cry without noticing it. I held on to Troy for dear life. Thankfully he didn't seem to mind. After maybe twenty minutes he suddenly stopped the truck.

"No, what are you doing? Keep going," I said anxiously.

"There are no freaks around as far as I can tell and we need to fix the window, it's fucking freezing in here."

"No, please."

"It'll take five minutes and then I'll hold you for a while, alright?"

"Ok," I said sadly.

I stayed inside while he cut a rectangular piece out of my tarp and duct taped it over the window. When he was back I climbed on his lap and clung to him. He laid his arms around me and stroked my back till I finally stopped shaking.

"All better?" he asked.

"Yeah, thank you."

"We should go."

"Ok, but I'll drive. It's my turn anyway and you need some rest."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

I took over the wheel, he lay down and we got back on the road. The sun came up an hour later and stung my eyes. I was overtired and my hands and feet were really cold. I wanted to take a break, but I was too afraid to.

Around ten I saw a group of monsters up ahead, blocking the road, so I slowed down. There was a path leading into the woods on the right. Not knowing what else to do, I took it. Maybe half an hour and a couple of turns later we were completely lost. The worst part about it was that we were almost out of gas, so I stopped the truck. I was so scared and desperate, I couldn't think straight anymore and started to cry. Troy opened his eyes and frowned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he said, concerned.

"We are going to die, because of me," I whimpered and he sat up.

"Where the hell are we?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Why are we in the middle of the woods?"

"There were monsters on the road."

"So?"

"I was scared."

"You should've told me," he said matter-of-factly, but to my surprise not in an accusatory tone.

"I'm sorry."

"It's alright. And we're not dead yet, so please stop crying. Can you do that for me?" he said reassuringly, which really helped me to calm down a little. I had been so afraid he would be furious with me, but instead he was very understanding and focused, like he always was when it mattered.

"Ok," I answered quietly and wiped away my tears.

"Let's go. I'll drive."

We switched seats and he started the truck. We followed the path, but there was no end in sight, only the thick forest as far as the eye could see. Suddenly the engine stuttered and I was so overwhelmed with guilt and fear again that I couldn't hold back my tears any longer.