All We Have Now - 6. Part 6

The curtains to the driver's cabin were closed and the inside was brightly lit. The light was flickering and it suddenly occurred to me that the RV might be on fire and that Troy could be in trouble.

I panicked, quickly ran to the door and opened it. I sighed in relief when I realized that he had just set up a few candles. But then I entered and saw that the whole room was filled with them. Troy was standing next to the table, smiling at me.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"I need to ask you something."

"What?"

He went down on one knee and pulled out a golden ring.

"Cody, I know this is crazy, but I've said it before, you make me crazy. You want commitment? You got it. I hereby swear to stay with you for the rest of my life, no matter what. I also swear that I will always protect and cherish you. Now, it may sound silly since we can't 'officially' get married, but we could just cut out the middle man and pledge our loyalty to each other in front of God. So, do you wanna be with me, for good?"

This gesture meant so much to me, it was exactly what I wanted and needed to hear. It couldn't have been an easy decision for him, but it only showed how much he loved me. And I knew he was sincere, he always was. I felt so overwhelmed with happiness that I couldn't hold back my tears.

"I do," I said shakily.

"So do I."

He took my hand and slipped on the ring, then he handed me a second one and I put it on his finger. He got up and we kissed passionately. When we parted we smiled at each other and I stroked his face.

"Let's eat," he said.

"Yeah, I'm starving, but we should blow out some of these candles first."

"Don't you like them? In movies they always have lots of candles when they propose."

"No, I love this, it's very romantic, but they're kind of a fire hazard and you can see the RV from a mile away."

"You're right. You blow them out and I'll set the table."

"Ok."

About five minutes later there were only two candles left, on the table, and dinner was ready. Troy had made roast beef with rice and peas and he had even opened our last bottle of wine.

"To us," he said.

"To us," I repeated. I touched his glass with mine and we both took a sip.

"Hey, why don't you sit over here, where I can do stuff to you more easily?" he asked, grinning.

"What kind of stuff?"

"You'll see."

I got up and sat down beside him. He laid his arm over my shoulders and kissed the side of my face. We both smiled and then started to eat. Troy had trouble getting the peas on his fork with only one hand, which made me giggle.

"Why don't you just take your arm off my shoulders?" I asked.

"Does it bother you?"

"No, not at all, but you could use your second hand to eat."

"But then I wouldn't touch you anymore... You're making no sense. Are you drunk already?"

I giggled.

"That's really sweet."

"And I'm not even doing it to score points, since I can now kiss you whenever I want."

"That's not true."

"What do you mean?"

"You can't kiss me whenever you want, only when I allow it."

"Well, that goes without saying."

"I hope so."

After we had finished our meal I pulled out my peanut butter and we fed it to each other.

"Wait, you threw up earlier, so you might be sick and we shouldn't use the same spoon or even kiss for that matter," I said.

"I'm not sick. I puked when I got the rings."

"Oh my god!" I said, shocked, and frowned deeply. I quickly held the ring to my nose, but it only smelled of cleaning products.

"Where did you think I got them?" he asked.

"I hadn't thought about it, but it probably brings bad luck taking wedding rings off a corpse."

"No, it's perfect, they obviously stayed together till the end and now we can continue their tradition."

"You want one of us to die and then kill the other? Those aren't great prospects."

"If it'll happen when we're old and after we had a long, happy life together then I won't mind going out like that. And if we'll still love each other too much to stab the other in the head when he dies then there's no way around it. It's kind of romantic if you think about it, like a really fucked up version of 'Romeo and Juliet'."

"I guess."

"Do you like the ring at all? I know it's nothing special, but it's gold and it fits, that's something, right?"

"As far as I'm concerned it only matters what they mean to us, not what they look like, so I like them very much."

We both smiled.

"That's good."

"Do you want to go to bed now?"

"And make out?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Hell yes then."

We both quickly used the toilet, brushed our teeth, undressed and lay down. I was on my back and Troy was on his side, leaning over me. It felt so exciting, because we were a couple now and would be really intimate for the first time. We started to kiss and after a couple of seconds he touched my lips with his tongue, so I opened my mouth and let him enter. Our tongues met and he was surprisingly restrained and gentle, which made me smile and I broke the kiss.

"What's the matter? Was I too rough? I tried to be really careful," he said, concerned.

"No, not at all, I just had to smile, because I never would've thought you'd be such a great kisser."

"It's easy, I just listen to my first instinct and then do the exact opposite."

I giggled and stroked his arm.

"Keep doing that. It's working."

"As you wish."

He leaned down and we started to kiss again. This time I entered his mouth and our tongues caressed each other. After making out for a while he suddenly reached into my underwear and took a hold of my penis. It startled me and I quickly grabbed his hand and pushed it away.

"What the heck is wrong with you?" I asked sharply.

"What? I was initiating the 'love making'."

"No, there won't be any love making, because I'm not in love with you yet. And you can't just touch my private parts without asking first."

"Why not? I'm your boyfriend now."

"That doesn't give you the right to do whatever you want with me."

"I was only trying to make you feel good."

"Well, it didn't make me feel good, it made me feel violated."

"Jesus, you're so fucking sensitive."

"And you're an insensitive jerk," I said indignantly and turned my back to him.

"Come on, I'm sorry, alright? It won't happen again, I swear. Please don't let this ruin this perfect day."

I turned to him again.

"Ok... I'm sorry too. I guess I overreacted a little. I just didn't expect you to do that and it startled me."

"It's fine and now I know better... Are you still in the mood to make out?"

"Not so much. Could you maybe just hold me instead? Please?"

"Of course."

I cuddled myself against him and he laid his arm around me.

"So I guess I'm back to scoring points, right?" he said.

"To get into my pants?" I asked, frowning.

"No, your heart."

"Oh, yeah, you could say that."

"By the way, you have really nice 'private parts'."

"Troy!" I said, pretending to be indignant, and playfully slapped his stomach. The truth was that I did feel kind of flattered, but I was still embarrassed and probably even blushed.

"Sorry."

"It's ok... Hey, let's go to sleep, I'm really tired, probably from the wine."

"Sure, good night," he said and kissed my head.

"Good night."

I fell asleep pretty fast.

The next morning I was once again woken by a spectacular sunrise. I was on my side and Troy was spooning me. He held on to me with his right arm, so I laid my hand over his and smiled.

"Good morning," he said, then leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Good morning."

"Hey, could I ask you something without you getting mad at me?"

"That depends on the question."

"So couldn't I ask you this 'off the record' and when it's inappropriate we'll forget all about it?"

"Ok, shoot."

"Can I touch your ass? Above your clothes of course and I won't squeeze it too hard or pinch it or anything."

"I don't know."

"Please?"

"Fine, but this'll be an exception, ok?"

"Yeah, great."

He slowly let his hand slide down my butt, cupped it and then started to gently massage it. It felt surprisingly erotic and I really enjoyed it, especially when he probed the area between my cheeks, but I felt so embarrassed about it that I stopped him.

"That's enough," I said and he immediately pulled his hand away.

"Was that so bad?"

"How would you feel if I'd grope your butt?"

"So you didn't like it?"

"Not really," I lied. The truth was, I wanted him to touch me again pretty badly actually, and more than that even, I felt a deep desire for us to pleasure each other, but I was afraid to go too far too fast. This relationship had to last, so I didn't want to rush into anything and jeopardize it by letting it become too physical before we had built a strong emotional foundation first. I had read about couples whos emphasis lay on sex right from the beginning and when the passion started to fade after a while they realized that they had never learned how to connect emotionally and how to relate to each other, which created a rift between them and they eventually broke up. I was really worried that that could happen to us.

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again," he said disappointedly and a wave of guilt washed over me.

"No, you can, just give me some time, ok?"

"Yeah, of course."

I turned around and kissed him lustfully. When we parted he looked a little flushed, which made me smile.

"Wow, if you still kiss me like that you couldn't have minded me groping you that much after all," he said.

"No, I just forgive very quickly."

"I'll say. By the way, your ass is the motherfucking bomb. Who knew."

"What do you mean by 'who knew'?" I asked, frowning.

"Who knew a guy's ass could be such a turn on. I can't wait to touch it without the clothes. I could spend hours studying it. Hopefully someday soon you'll let me."

Me too, I thought.

"We'll see," I said and kissed him again. He pushed me on my back and started to stroke my chest and stomach.

"Doesn't that hurt? Lying on your side and using your arm like that?" I asked.

"Yeah, it does, but it's worth it," he said, grinning, and I giggled.

"We could change positions, you know?"

"Maybe later."

We continued to make out and after a couple of minutes he suddenly slipped his hand under my shirt. I quickly grabbed it.

"Troy, I thought we've been over this," I said.

"You said I can't touch your 'private parts' and I'm not."

"Well, you can't do that either."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because I don't want you to."

"So only first base then? Fucking fourth graders go further than that."

"Are you saying kissing me isn't enough for you?"

He lay down on his back and touched his forehead.

"No, of course not," he sighed. I turned away from him and started to cry.

"Oh shit, no, I'm so sorry, I'll behave from now on and I won't pressure you anymore, I swear. You can take as much time as you need, I don't care. Please stop crying," he said nervously. I turned around and clung to him. He took me in his arms and stroked my back.

"I'm really sorry I'm like this," I said sadly.

"No, you're perfect."

"Please don't say stuff like that or you'll really get me going."

"Sorry."

"The truth is, when you touched me, I liked it, maybe even a little too much and I don't trust myself. I don't want to do anything with you. I mean, I do, but I'm really scared to... You know?"

"What are you scared of?"

"That our relationship will only revolve around sex and become shallow and emotionally disconnected. And also that you'll stop being sweet, because you won't have to score any more points."

"Wow, I didn't expect that..." he said, frowning, but looked at me sympathetically. "First of all, I want you to be happy, that's my priority, and if me being sweet to you makes you happy then I'll always be sweet, alright? And second of all, after what we've been through in only one week now I'd say our relationship is already deeper than it could've been after a couple of years before the apocalypse. And we need each other, depend on each other and we're all we have in the world. I don't know about you, but I feel so intensely connected to you it's like you're a part of me. Sex would only be the cherry on top and it's not like we'll be able do it every day. We probably won't have enough water to wash ourselves very often, so we'll be too dirty to do anything most of the time."

I giggled.

"I feel kind of stupid now."

"Don't, I'm just really fucking smart."

I laughed.

"And modest apparently."

"No, not so much."

"Thanks," I said sincerely.

"For what?"

"Saying the right things."

"Sure."

"But I still want to wait. Is it ok if we'll stay at second base for a while?"

"Of course, but you mean first, right?"

"No, I mean second," I said, grinning.

"Really? That's awesome."

"I know you want more and I'm sorry, but waiting might be fun too. The anticipation could make it that much more exciting when we'll finally go further."

"We just have to survive long enough."

"That's true, but I feel so safe with you, so that's not something I'm really worried about. But does that mean you're not ok with waiting?"

"No, I absolutely am. It's even kind of a relief actually, I mean, I'm still a little nervous about putting your dick in my mouth."

"Yeah, me too, but we can do it with our hands first."

"I can't wait... I mean, I can wait."

I giggled.

"We should keep our eyes open for lube, you know? Just in case we'll need it someday," I said.

"Do we have to have lube?"

"Of course. You'll be thanking me, trust me."

"Oh, right, cause I'll have to go first. You know, you'll probably end up being the one pushing me to have sex, not the other way around."

"If you'll be patient and understanding with me I'll be patient and understanding with you, ok?"

"Deal."

"Could you maybe start a fire?"

"Sure, how about you prepare breakfast in the meantime."

"No, I'm not getting up and you have to come right back to bed too, ok?"

"Alright, I can do that."

"Do you want to?"

"There's not much else I want more."

"You mean there are things you'd prefer over cuddling with me?" I asked, grinning.

"Maybe cuddling with you naked," he said and winked at me.

"I see."

He kissed the top of my head and got up. I scooted over to the edge of the bed and watched him build a fire wearing only his underwear. When he was done he joined me again and took me in his arms. I closed my eyes and listened to the flames sizzling in the wood burner. Soon the room filled with warmth. Troy was holding me tightly and I could feel him breathe in and out. In that moment I felt truly happy and I never wanted it to end. I was completely relaxed and after a while I dozed off.

When I opened my eyes again I looked up drowsily at Troy, who smiled at me and gave me a quick kiss on the mouth, which made me grin.

"I wish we could stay here forever," I said softly.

"In bed?"

"No...Well, yes, but I meant here on the farm."

"So you don't wanna go to California?"

"I don't know, it'll be dangerous and we have no idea what's waiting for us there."

"Our future is waiting for us there and the sooner we leave the sooner we can start our new life together. Also, we could start growing food early enough for it to be ready by the time we'll run out of supplies. And what if the freaks are already dead over there? Besides, I wouldn't mind not freezing my ass off every day."

"I guess you're right, we need to go. The journey will probably be tough, but we have to bite the bullet sooner or later, so let's just get it over with. And who knows? We might be even happier over there."

"So you're happy right now, with me?"

"Yes, I am."

We smiled and kissed each other.

"How about we leave tomorrow?" he asked.

"Ok, sure... So let's enjoy today as much as we can."

"I already do," he said, grinning, and I smiled.

"Oh, you."

"Not to kill the mood, but I have to take a piss."

"Me too. You go first, I'll open breakfast."

"Alright," he said. He gave me a kiss and climbed out of bed, got dressed and left.

He was back five minutes later.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"I could eat."

"Why don't we skip breakfast and eat it for dessert after dinner, to save peanut butter?"

"Sure... Hey, do you wanna make out some more?"

"Again? It's only been two hours, at the most."

"So?"

"Maybe it won't be as special anymore if we'll do it too much."

"I'm willing to risk that."

We both grinned.

"Ok, but I still have to pee."

"Well hurry up or I'll start without you."

"I'd like to see that."

"Really?"

"No... Well, maybe."

"Interesting."

"I'll be quick."

I took my toothbrush and went outside. I relieved myself, brushed my teeth and hurried back. Troy was already in bed, waiting for me, so I undressed and joined him.

"How about we take our shirts off?" he asked.

"Ok," I said and we both took off our shirts. He leaned over me and started to stroke my chest and stomach. I closed my eyes and moaned softly. I felt him kiss my right nipple and then he moved up till our lips met. We made out for a while and he continued to touch me tenderly. I had never been this aroused in my whole life and I wanted to do more really badly, so I turned on my side, with my back to him.

"Press yourself against me," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Please."

He did and I could feel his erection between my butt cheeks. I started to grind against him rhythmically and we kissed passionately. I couldn't stop myself any longer, so I took his hand and rubbed it up and down against my own erection. After a few minutes I felt the pressure rise and when it was released the pleasure that pulsated through my body was almost too much to bear and made me tremble. I moaned loudly and pressed my eyes shut. When I had recovered a minute later I started to move again and kissed Troy longingly. Suddenly he tensed up, moaned ecstatically and then his whole body collapsed.

"Holy shit, what the hell was that?" he said, a little out of breath.

"Did you like it?" I asked innocently and he laughed.

"Hell yes. I mean, Jesus, what has gotten into you?"

"I guess you make me crazy too."

"That really was crazy. How could that feel so incredible? We weren't even naked."

"We probably just both really needed that."

"Maybe. Do you think it'll get even better than this? Cause I can't imagine what that would look like."

"I bet it will, if we'll wait long enough."

"This is definitely worth the wait."

"Yeah... We should clean ourselves up."

"I'll get us a towel or something."

"Ok, thanks."

He got up and looked through the kitchen cabinets till he found a dish rag and gave it to me. I cleaned the inside of my underwear and handed it back to him. He took it and held it to his nose.

"Nooo, eww," I squealed and tried to grab it, but he was faster.

"That's mine now," he said, grinning.

"No, come on, that's gross."

"Not really and I wanna get used to it, so I won't gag when I blow you."

"Fine, then I want one too."

"Sure."

He took another rag, cleaned himself with it and then let me have it. When I sniffed it I wrinkled my nose and frowned a little. It didn't smell very good, kind of like my own, not horrible, but bad enough that I didn't want it in my mouth.

"What's the matter? Don't you like it?" he asked.

"I'll get used to it."

"But you're gay."

"So I have to automatically love sperm? That's offensive."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that."

"It's ok."

"Do you want me to come back to bed?"

"Of course. Do you?"

"That bed is now my favorite place in the world, of all times."

We both smirked. He climbed up and I cuddled myself against him.

"When we're on the road we'll stop at night and sleep, won't we?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess we could do that, the RV is pretty secure after all."

"Good."

"Hey, wouldn't it be cool if we'd meet a famous actor or singer in California? He or she could reenact movies or sing for us," he said.

"Yeah, who are your favorite actor and singer?"

"I'd say Denzel Washington and Corey Taylor."

"Who's Corey Taylor?"

"From 'Slipknot'?"

"Oh no, those maniacs with the masks?"

"Exactly, they're awesome. They were I mean."

"No, they were insane."

"Who do you like then?"

"Meryl Streep and Mariah Carey."

"Jesus," he said, laughing.

"What? They were both amazing."

"Yeah, but to pick those two as a guy is just really fucking gay... No offense."

"So? I am gay."

"Sure, to each his own I guess."

"At least none of them was mentally ill."

"Whatever."

"What if we'd find someone like Megan Fox? Wouldn't you be tempted to do something with her?" I asked.

"No, I'm yours now, remember? Besides, being with a guy has turned out to be pretty fucking awesome so far, so I wouldn't feel like I'm missing out by not fucking a hot woman."

"That's a good answer. I would've kicked you out of bed if you had said yes or maybe."

"Trust me, I'm pretty loyal."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Wanna make out?"

"Ok, but no more than that and we should get dressed first."

"Sure, whatever you want."

We put our shirts back on and started to make out. After what felt like a long time I was getting hungry, so we decided to take a break to eat something. We heated up two cans of soup, sat down beside each other and Troy laid his arm over my shoulders again.

"Hey, I have an idea. We should take a bath," he said.

"Yeah, it'll probably be our last chance to do that for a while."

"I meant... together."

"Oh. I don't know."

"No funny business, only holding each other."

"But we'd be naked."

"We've seen each other naked before."

"Yeah, but we'd be... 'excited'."

"It's up to you, it was only a suggestion."

"Ok, but we have to control ourselves, we've already gone too far today."

"Sure, no problem."

"Fine."

We both ate quickly and then filled the tub together. It seemed to take forever for the water to heat up. When it was finally warm enough we both undressed and looked at each other. I felt really exposed and nervous and the fact that Troy's penis was a lot bigger than mine didn't help. He must've sensed my discomfort, because he came very close, till we were almost touching, and kissed me tenderly.

"You're amazing," he said softly and I felt myself blushing.

"You're not too bad either."

"Shall we?" he asked and I nodded.

He went in first and sat down. I joined him, leaned back against him and he laid his arms around me. I slowly started to relax and closed my eyes.

"I love you, you know?" he whispered in my ear and I almost teared up.

I couldn't believe how much he had changed and how much he meant to me already. It felt so intimate and sensual lying there pressed against him. He was tenderly stroking my stomach and chest and was constantly kissing my neck, which gave me goose bumps every time, the good kind. I would've stayed with him in that tub all day, but after about half an hour the water wasn't warm enough anymore.

"We should get out," I said.

"We still have to wash ourselves. How about we wash each other?"

I should've said no, but I really wanted him to touch me.

"Ok."

"Great, I'll do you first."

He picked up the shampoo from the floor and after he had massaged it in I dipped the back of my head into the water and rinsed out my hair.

"Get up," he said and we both got up. He took the shower gel and started to lather me, but he did it very slowly. He cleaned my left hand first, worked his way up my arm, over my shoulders, to my other arm. Next he went down my chest and my back at the same time and then turned me a little, so he could get to my butt more easily. He gently and thoroughly cleaned both cheeks and then slowly slid down in between with one finger. When he reached my anus he massaged it for a few seconds, which made me tremble with excitement. He moved on and let his hand slide all the way to the other side. He turned me again, cupped my testicles and then took a hold of my erection and slid up and down on it a couple of times. I suddenly felt weak in the knees and leaned against him for support. He must've realized what he was doing to me, because he let go, kneeled down and started to lather my legs. Lastly he did my feet, which tickled. I quickly rinsed myself off in the water and then it was my turn.

I did it the same way he had, but when I came to his butt I didn't want to risk making him uncomfortable, so I left out the area between his cheeks. His penis was next. I wanted to touch it, but I hesitated and wondered if it would hurt a lot having it inside me. Considering the size I was glad I didn't have to find out any time soon.

"You don't have to touch it if you don't want to," he said.

"No," I answered and quickly took it in my hand, which made him grin. It felt different than my own, heavier and a little softer somehow. I only slid up and down on it once, because I didn't want to tease him too much. I finished washing him, we got out of the tub, and dried ourselves off. When we were dressed he pulled me close to him and kissed me.

"Thanks," he said.

"My pleasure," I answered and we both grinned.

We did our laundry together and then went back to the RV. While Troy was hanging up our wet clothes I brought in the wood that was still in the wheelbarrow. When we were both done and the fire was burning again we sat down beside each other at the table.

"What do you wanna do now?" he asked.

"We could read."

"Sure."

We climbed into bed and read for a while. Later in the afternoon, when it was starting to get dark, we made dinner and ate. For dessert we had peaches.

"What a day," I said.

"Yeah and it's not over yet. We can make out some more before we go to sleep, right?"

"I guess, but no funny business, ok?"

"Alright, fair enough."

"And tomorrow we'll leave in the morning?"

"That's the plan."

"I'm scared. The stakes are higher now, because we have a lot more to lose."

"And to gain. Besides, God is on our side, so nothing bad will happen, you'll see."

"I hope you're right."

"Come on, let's go to bed and I'll take your mind off things."

We both smirked.

"Ok."

We undressed and climbed into bed. Troy leaned over me and we started to make out. After a while he found his way under my shirt and stroked me tenderly. Soon I was on the verge of losing control again.

"We have to stop," I said huskily.

"We do?"

"Yeah or I won't be able to hold myself back any longer."

"You don't have to, you know?"

"No, but I want to, I'm still scared, I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

"It's kind of funny that I'm the one having trouble controlling himself, not the other way around, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that surprised me too."

"I didn't think we'd have such incredible chemistry. And you're really attractive, that doesn't hurt either."

It felt a little embarrassing talking about my sexual feelings. It was just all very new to me, so I was still insecure about it.

"You're pretty hot yourself, but you're very sensitive and fragile, I think that's what's holding me back."

"I'd be offended, but it's probably a good thing that you see me that way."

"Yeah."

"We should get some sleep. Tomorrow's going to be a long day."

"Alright, good night." he said, gave me a kiss and lay down on his back.

"Good night."

I clung to him and he took me in his arms. I had a hard time falling asleep, because I couldn't stop thinking about the journey ahead of us and what the future might bring. I prayed silently to God, thanking him for all we had and pleading for his good grace and protection.

In the morning I was woken by Troy gently kissing me. It was still dark outside. I opened my eyes and we smiled at each other.

"It's time to go," he said softly.

"I know," I answered worriedly and frowned a little.

"Don't be afraid. It'll be fine. In a couple of days we'll be in California and we'll be happier than ever."

"Let's hope so."

He leaned down and kissed me long and tenderly. I stroked his hair and we smiled at each other again.

"Come on," he said. We got up, dressed and had something to eat.

After checking if everything was secure Troy sat down behind the wheel and I in the passenger seat. I took the travel atlas out of the glove compartment and he started the RV. Soon we came to the gate and I jumped out to open it. After driving through we decided to close it again, in case someone else were to find the farm someday. We headed west and eventually found our way back to the main road. I could see the sun rise in the side-view mirror. Its soft light bathed everything in the most warm and beautiful reddish colors. I marveled at this spectacle, but then I suddenly noticed two monsters walking across a snow-covered meadow, which snapped me back to reality. They were moving very slowly, like they were tired. One of them was missing an arm and their clothes were soaked in blood that hadn't completely dried yet, which lead me to believe that they had recently killed someone. I felt the anxiety building up in me and I looked over to Troy. He smiled at me reassuringly and it really calmed me down. That's when I knew, as long as I had him by my side, everything would be ok.