Left Without Words - 4. Chapter 4

The tossing.

The turning.

The endless hyperactive hormone frenzy that I felt that night was enough to drive anybody insane. It was almost a form of torture, trying to get my thoughts together so I could feel less intimidated about seeing Deme again. The anxiety had me buzzing to the point where I couldn't even sleep that night. You would have thought that I had deliberately guzzled down a pot of coffee and a 12-pack of energy drinks ten minutes before bed. My heartbeat was speeding up with every breath. I couldn't find any way to get comfortable, no matter how hard I tried. The adrenaline just kept me amped up beyond my ability to lay still.

I wondered if Deme was out there somewhere, thinking about me the same way. If maybe he was excited about seeing me tomorrow too. I know that it sounds farfetched, but I had this whole fantasy in my head where Deme was secretly in love with me and just too scared to tell me so. That maybe he was staring up at his bedroom ceiling right now...thinking about kissing me on the lips. About holding me close. About us just...sharing a few sensual moments together. I swear, my brain had built an entire soap opera around the next twenty years of me and Deme being together. It just gave me this really warm feeling inside to imagine what it would be like to wake up next to him every morning for the rest of my life. Hehehe, it seems crazy, but I swear...I could SEE it! I could see myself in a bathrobe making him bacon and eggs for breakfast and everything. Is that weird? I don't know. It's just...every time I thought about that smile...I felt myself falling in love all over again. I was trying to slow down, but I simply couldn't help it. It's like, wow...so this is the feeling the whole history of mankind has been making such a fuss over all this time? I think I get it now. I really get it.

I curled my legs up and tried to force the images of Deme out of my mind...but I couldn't do it. At one point, I actually took one of my extra pillows and turned it sideways so I could cuddle up behind it as if it was a real person, giving it little kisses as I wrapped my arms around it and pulled it up tight against me. I knew it wasn't really him, but GOD, did I ever want it to be! I wished that he could be here...close...for me to touch. To feel his warmth beside me. To hear him sigh softly as I pressed my lips to his bare shoulder and spooned myself to his slender body...inhaling his sweetened scent. Ugh...my thoughts were only making thing worse for me at this point.

What I wouldn't give to just...be back at his house like I was earlier. To just give in to my strongest temptations and like...mmmmmm. I felt my breath getting short as I thought about him leaning back in his chair to reach for something on his desk. I thought about what it would be like if I was more bold, and he was more willing. Like...what if I stared, shamelessly, at that wide gap in his shorts...and just had the courage to say, "I like what I'm seeing right now"? And Deme just spread his legs wider to give me a better look.

I imagine that he would say something like, "Well...you like what you see...there's no rule that says you can't 'touch'."

And I'd say, "Don't mind if I do. But I doubt I'd wanna stop there."

And he'd be like, "Who says you have to?"

That's when I'd get down on my knees and totally just jam my face between his legs, and rub my nose and lips back and forth across his hardening manhood through the thin silky material of those faded sweatpants. Chewing at it as it grew hard against my cheek, my warm breath passing through the fabric, my lips squeezing the erect shaft while his soft thighs surrounded my face and he closed his eyes...leaning his head back to moan my name, his fingers tangling themselves in my hair. Yeah...that alone was enough to get me hard and leaking and excited to a point where it was even more impossible to go to sleep than it was before.

If I hadn't relieved myself...twice...I doubt I would have gotten any rest at all. Just...me thinking about him on top of me, and then me on top of him, and then us slowly rolling back and forth while kissing each other madly. I can barely imagine what it would feel like to hold that sexy body against me. To feel his lips on mine. To taste the sweetest parts of him and bring him to orgasm. Oh man...what kind of sounds would he make when he's climaxing? How would his body move? I would love the flat of my palms up and down those long, sexy, legs of his as they turned to jelly...and that sweet ass of his lifted itself off of the mattress as the throbbing pulses between my lips became wet with his excitement. I could practically feel it splashing across my tongue. I could almost taste it. Oh God, I had to stop myself before I ended up needing a third 'clean-up'. Just know that Deme flooded my mind with the most erotic images that I had ever created before. And that's saying a lot, considering how many boys I've drooled over in my life.

I'll say one thing for sexy dreams and chronic masturbation...I don't think I ever slept better. Once I slept, that is.

I got up and made sure to hurry into the bathroom to shower up and get ready before my sister Sarah got HER snail's pace routine going. I swear, I could build an ARK in he amount of time it takes her to fix her hair alone. She's really going to be a nightmare once my mom starts letting her wear make-up. Ugh!

Teeth white. Hair perfect. Clothes...a sexy kind of casual. I felt good. I don't know if it was the good night's sleep or the rush to get through my day to see Deme again, but it actually made a 'morning person' out of me today. How weird is that, right?

My sister had pretty much worked out a circus routine when it came to spinning around one another once it came to moving in the kitchen during breakfast. My mom could even do it with a full cup of coffee. It was a typical morning that depended more on daily habits than any actual thought. That was until I heard the doorbell ring.

I was still munching on a half eaten Poptart when I opened the door. Once again...I was left frozen...

Had it not been for Deme's gleaming smile holding me still like a deer in headlights, I probably would have followed my first comical instinct and slammed the door shut in his face without thinking! "Deme??? What are you...? I mean, like...hey! Hi!" I quickly wiped my mouth, just in case I had an excess crumbs around it. That boy had been in my presence for all of eight seconds and I was already shaking.

"I hope I am not invading your home, unannounced." He said softly. "I forget...I have no phone number for your house."

"Oh. Ok." I grinned, still not really sure that I could actually move in one direction or another without tripping over my own two feet.

"I have not been fully registered in school yet, but I liked riding with you. I thought it would be good practice to ride back and forth a few more times before I begin classes."

"Oh. Ok." I said, steadying myself as much as I could against the doorframe.

He paused for a moment, then he asked, "It's no problem?"

Realizing that I was basically blocking the door, I shook myself out of my trance. "Oh! Yeah! No, sure. Sounds awesome. Um...do you wanna come in?" I finally shifted myself to the side and let him walk into my house. I swear, the walls seemed to get a little bit brighter as he walked past. I think he was actually glowing. That boy truly baffles me sometimes.

Sarah came walking around the corner from the kitchen, still in her pajamas and a bathrobe. "Mom says to move your clunky shoes from in front of the back door. They're..." Her breath got caught in the back of her throat as she looked into Deme's eyes.

"Hello, Sarah." He said politely.

Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she found herself face to face with the loveliest boy on Earth. I saw her cover her mouth to keep from screaming. PLEASE don't embarrass me right now, twerp! Please, not right now!

With her hands still covering her mouth, she mumbled, "Will you excuse me for a second. I'll be right back..." She took a few sidesteps, nearly bumping her shoulder into the wall, and as soon as she got to the hallway, she took off running in her sock feet to dash into her bedroom and slam the door shut.

Yeah, like Deme didn't just SEE that! Ugh!

My mother walked into the room with her coffee cup in hand and couldn't help but to notice another teenage boy standing in her living room. "Oh. Well, hello." She said.

Deme had a really shy way about him when first meeting people, but he had the most adorable way of trying hard to fight against it. "Good morning..." His voice was so soft. I could listen to Deme speak to me all day long.

"Mom? This is...Deme. Er...Dimitry. This is Milo's grandson. From the restaurant."

"From the restaurant? Oh! Oh my, hello." My mom said again. "Well, aren't you the little heartbreaker?" Do parents just have a hidden talent for saying the most humiliating things EVER, or do they practice and work really hard at it? Because that seemed pretty spontaneous.

"Thank you..." Deme blushed.

"I'm...I mean...he's learning his way back and forth to the high school. So, we're riding together in the mornings." I said.

"That's great. Well, welcome to the neighborhood, Dimitry. It's a pleasure to meet you." Then my mom turned to me and said, "You boys should get going. Don't be late. No need to start teaching Dimitry any bad habits before he has a chance to develop any good ones."

As she was walking out of the room, I gritted my teeth. "I won't, Mom. Thanks. Bye." Grrrr...

Just then, my sister's bedroom door swings open and she comes charging out of there like a goddamn rodeo bull! Fully dressed, hair done, wearing the perfume that Grandma got her for her birthday. What happened to a 'snail's pace'? I've never seen her pretty herself up that fast in my LIFE!

She ran right up to Deme's side, and with a trembling sigh, she says, "Hi...Deme Dimitry..."

"Just Deme is fine." He said.

"Yeah...Deme...cool..." Has my whole house gone batshit crazy, or what?

"Sarah? Don't you think you should be getting your homework and books ready for school?" I said, flaring my eyes at her so that she'll get the message to back off.

It's not that she didn't notice, she just didn't care. "Omigod, Deme! Can you take a picture with me?" She squealed.

For fuck's sake...

Deme thought it was a bit of an odd request, but he was much too nice to let that keep him from saying yes. I told him that she was being a pest and that he didn't have to, but he just said, "No, it is ok. Come." He said, and I saw Sarah get lightheaded and nearly pass out when Deme got close to her and put his arm around her. She began to giggle and shake so badly that she could hardly hold her phone up to take a selfie with him. See...Deme's sense of physical affection was so pure. So easy. He got right into that embrace and pressed his cheek against Sarah's as he waited for the flash. I think she hesitated for nearly thirty seconds on purpose. Just so she could feel their cheeks pressed together for just a little bit longer.

Then, she quickly turned her head to give him a playful kiss and scampered off, giggling wildly, to her room again. Probably to scream into her pillow or something. Could this morning get any worse?

My mom's voice came from a different room in the house, "Shane, honey? I think your Batman boxers got mixed in with my laundry..."

And on that note...we're leaving...

I swear, I couldn't grab my stuff and get Deme out of that house fast enough. I think he could tell that I was embarrassed, but he didn't poke fun at me for it. He giggled sweetly to himself as we walked out to get our bikes, but...he didn't tease. When I tried to apologize, he told me that it wasn't necessary. He said, "Only loving families are close enough to embarrass each other. It is a great fortune to have in your life." I never thought about it that way before. Mostly because I don't know exactly what that means. I mean...I do, but I don't. But it's Deme so I smile and nod anyway.

So we started riding together.

Not too fast, not too slow. Deme was his usual self. Friendly, cheerful...talking to me as if he had no idea how unfathomably beautiful he was. There were a few times when I kept trying to slow down a bit, so that he'd ride his bike a little bit ahead of me. Maybe I was being a total creeper about it, but I kept trying to sneak peeks at his ass the whole time he was riding. And that wasn't easy, because Deme enjoyed talking to me so much that he kept himself right at my side most of the time. If I sped up, so did he. If I slowed down, so did he. It wasn't as if I could just crane my neck back and look at those two pert globes stretching and flexing as his peddling propelled him forward. But...for those one or two times that I got a nice view of it from behind...it was worth the frustration of wanting to see more.

His pants weren't tight or anything, but his supple bottom was so juicy...so shapely and sweet...that the material clung to him in seductive ways that nearly made me lose balance and fall right into the gutter. you just got a real sense of what it would look like naked, you know? The line in the back...it would perfectly fit right down the cleft between his cheeks and travel underneath to the spot where his balls would be resting. Loose...and warm. I kept thinking to myself, 'That's the luckiest bicycle seat ever made'....

By the time we got to school, I was swooning to the point of breathlessness. It was a little hard to look Deme in the eye, after all the erotic thoughts I had been having about him over the past 20 minutes or more. "So...you know your way around pretty good now, right?" I said.

"Yes. The streets are very easy to learn here." He smiled. "Besides, I just wanted to ride with you again. I'm glad that I came over. Perhaps we can do this all the time?"

I looked into those bright eyes, those smooth lips, that dark feathery mop of hair...and I sighed, "Yeah. I'd like that."

"Cool. Very cool. Ok, so I will let you get to your classes. We're still going to the park, later? Yes?"

"Uh huh..." I said. My heartbeat was starting to drown out the sound of his voice. The love inside was beginning to bubble over now. I needed to get some breathing room before I messed around and did something foolish. "I can just come by your house?"

"Yes. Just ring the bell. I'll be waiting." He smiled. And then there was a brief moment where we looked each other in the eye, and didn't quite know what to say. It was a rather strange moment, but I can't really say that it was 'uncomfortable'. I can't explain it, but...it's like there was more to be said, but words were getting in the way of us being able to convey the message.

And yet, somehow, I think something new was understood about...whatever it was that we were doing here. I wasn't just his grandfather's customer. And I wasn't just a casual buddy either. For some reason, it felt as though we were entering into new territory in our interactions with one another...and I don't think it was a place that I had ever been to with anybody else before. Does that makes sense? It doesn't sound like it should.

I didn't know what it was. I couldn't talk about it. I could feel it, through and through...but I couldn't talk about it. I don't think I knew that language yet.

God, I'm just as bad as Sarah, aren't I?

"Ok..." Deme said sheepishly, turning his bike around to go back home. "...Goodbye, Shane."

"Bye, Deme..." I whispered.

Deme briefly smiled at me over his shoulder as his long legs began to pick up a little bit of momentum to get him going, and I stood right there, watching the entire time. This time I got to stare at that choice piece of ass without merely peeking at it. It bounced and it wiggled and it gracefully glided it's way right out of my life. At least for now. If only I could get him to sit on my lap! Just ONCE! Mmmm...

It took a while for my heart to slow down enough for me to catch my breath once I got to class, but that didn't make it any easier to concentrate. I think I just felt really 'clumsy' inside all of a sudden. I didn't really know how to deal with it. Or hide it from anybody who might be watching. I've been horny before. Believe me...I've been horny before. But that's not what this was. This feeling that I was experiencing couldn't just be jacked off and forgotten about. Not even with multiple attempts. I've been infatuated before too. I've seen boys that I thought were really cute and thought to myself, 'Oh wow, he's so special! I think I'm in love.' But these were boys that I hardly knew or ever talked to. They were hot teen pinups at best...which made infatuation just a glossed over version of horniness, but less honest. At least with horniness I could openly admit what I was going for. You know?

But this...? This was SO different. What is that? It's like a thick, warm, gravy being poured over my heart. It's slick and it's gooey and it's...it's just plain WEIRD! I was completely captivated by Deme as a person! I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to hear from him, I wanted to impress him, and learn about him, and help him...paint his freakin' HOUSE! the boy wrote poems about me, for crying out loud! That alone was enough to make me want to slide right out of my seat and just stretch out on the floor...sucking my thumb and rubbing my nose with my thumb. I mean, is that not WEIRD?

My lack of ability in defining the feeling almost made me want to deny it altogether. I just didn't understand what was going on with me at all.

Then, before I could even get close to finding some level of comfort in my own skin again...this profound feeling of sadness just came in and sideswiped me out of nowhere. Which was even more confusing, considering that I was practically turning cartwheels less than an hour ago.

This felt like an actual illness to me. Like...a flu bug or something. I'd ask for help if I knew enough about what was going on to explain it to somebody.

I think I had better start getting my thoughts worked out on this, because I'll be seeing Deme again in less than eight hours from this very moment. And if I don't get this giggly soda pop sensation to stop banging around the inside of my ribs by then...I'm going to make a mess of everything.