Jump to content
    Headstall
  • Author
  • 4,146 Words
  • 7,706 Views
  • 82 Comments
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Exes and Ohs - 6. Chapter 6 Bloodied and Broken

First contact.

                                                                                                                                                      *   *   *

 

 

Drake led the way along a stone pathway bordered with stretches of spreading junipers and beds of summer flowers. He was heading for a somewhat isolated bench away from the populated clubhouse, and they were almost there. Golfers could be seen dotting the course, and gentle gusts of wind made wearing suit jackets bearable.

“Are we hiding?”

“What? No. Why do you think that?” Drake stopped and turned to face Jimmy, finding himself under scrutiny.

“You were in a hurry to leave the church, and now you seem reluctant to join the other guests.”

“Yeah, well, I need a breather, and this is where I used to sit and read when my mom and dad were socializing after a game of golf.”

“Okay.” He stretched the word out, and Drake heard the question in it.

“You’re looking skeptical.”

“I saw Richard and his wife getting out of their car.”

A groan of embarrassment made its way out. “All right. I admit it. I’m not ready.” He turned and began walking again.

“Drake, stop! It’s understandable.”

“I need to sit,” was his quick response. He made it to the bench and sank down.

“Do you want me to cut it short?”

“Cut what short?”

“When we meet them. Do you want me to make up some excuse and haul you away after a minute or two?”

“I… I don’t know. What if he wants to talk to me?”

“Do you think he does?”

“I haven’t a clue, but if he’s anything like the Richard I thought I knew… yeah… maybe. It would bother him that I didn’t tell him it was all okay.” A bitter snort accompanied the thought.

“Well then, if that’s the case, I think you should talk… for your sake, not his. But, by no means should you feel obligated to. He doesn’t control that—you do.”

Drake considered his words, but only sighed in response.

“It’s nice and shady here. I’m going to lose this jacket and enjoy the breeze.”

Drake watched him as he stood up and shrugged it off. Just like there was something about a man in a suit, there was also something about a fit man in a snowy white shirt, and Jimmy was certainly fit. He turned his attention to the view in front of them as Jimmy sat back down. This weekend was turning out to be way more than he bargained for.

“You know my dad is going to pester me about a golfing weekend now, don’t you?”

“Oh.”

Jimmy’s gaze could be felt as Drake continued to stare straight ahead.

“Is that a problem?”

“It just makes it harder when I tell them we’ve broken up.”

“Right. Sorry… I got carried away again. I’m making it tougher on you, and that wasn’t my intent when I suggested we do this.”

“I know it wasn’t. I think you’ve guessed I’m pretty messed up today.”

“Like I said… understandable.”

“Is it? It’s been years now.”

“You really loved him, huh?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Do you still?”

Drake turned his head, and stared into compassionate green. “I loved a man who didn’t exist.”

“Meaning…?”

“Richard was never who he said he was. He was bisexual, not gay, and he didn’t love me… not the way he said he did.”

“Drake—”

“That’s the truth of it, Jimmy, and all those plans we made were never going to happen. We talked about marriage and children and where we wanted to live… the whole deal.” Drake swallowed down the emotion that formed in his throat. When he was able to, he spoke again. “Richard just bided his time with me, and kept me in the dark about what he was really feeling.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“How can I not? He left me for a woman. A girl he dated and loved before he ever approached me.”

“That doesn’t mean he didn’t love you.”

“Doesn’t it? Okay, even if he did, it doesn’t make it any better.”

“I’m sure he was torn—”

“Sure, because he was never gay in the first place. He should have told me.”

“And if he did?”

“I wouldn’t have gone out with him… and I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him.”

“Don’t you think—”

“Of course you’re going to see his side, but you didn’t live it—I did.”

“I wasn’t….” Jimmy sighed, and Drake felt his frustration. “It’s funny, you know?”

“Funny? Seriously?”

“No, not funny like that. It’s just… we all look at things differently. The gay community, for all we want to be accepted unconditionally, is filled with judgement, like ‘their way’ is the only right way. Some guys who come out early look down on guys who come out later in life, like they were cowards or something. Some guys are judged too fem, and some are too out there. I don’t get it.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Drake was confused, and beginning to feel defensive.

“Honestly, you got me? I know what I mean, but explaining….” Jimmy shook his head after a rueful glance. “I’m not sticking up for Richard, but didn’t he just do the reverse of what a lot of gay guys do? I mean, a lot of men take a while to figure out they’re gay, and it sounds like Richard took a while to figure out he wasn’t.”

“So.” Drake’s defensiveness sharpened to anger.

“So… does that cancel out his life before? Sorry. I’ll try this again. Everyone’s journey is different. Or maybe not everyone’s, but for some of us it’s not so cut and dried. We all walk in different shoes, Drake, and some of us can move back and forth until we find what we’re looking for, or the picture becomes clearer.”

“How convenient,” Drake scoffed. He had to force himself to stay seated.

“Look, I don’t want to make this about me, and I’m botching this up. This is about you thinking he didn’t care about you… didn’t love you. I was only trying… all I’m saying is, finally realizing he was straight, if he is, doesn’t mean he didn’t.”

“Do you know how stupid that sounds to me?”

Jimmy looked taken aback, and then sheepish. “I suppose it does, and this is not a great subject for us. I can’t speak for Richard, but I finally found the person I would be most happy with, and because I took a different way to get to that point, it ended up costing me dearly. I guess that was about me after all, wasn’t it.” He gave Drake an apologetic look. “Just talk to the guy. Really, I’m not sticking up for him—I just think it would do you good to listen to why he made the choice he did. It might give you closure to understand what happened.”

Drake was caught up in the emotion the man was trying hard not to display. He was failing miserably, and it made him sad to see it. That hadn’t just been about Jimmy. He’d been attempting to help Drake; he just hadn’t done it with his usual finesse, or maybe he had, and Drake just didn’t want to listen. His anger left. “Closure… yeah, there’s a concept I don’t have a lot of faith in. And, I don’t need to understand anything. All I need is to say hello, and not make a fool of myself.”

“If that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do.”

The wedding party appeared in the gardens to the west of the clubhouse, in shades of mauve, white, and black, and their laughter floated over to the bench. They sat in silence, watching the happy antics as the photographer had them posing. Drake did not feel like taking part, and he hoped they would go unnoticed where they were. “I’m sorry I can’t be who you want, Jimmy. Do you wish you hadn’t come?”

He appeared rattled by Drake’s sudden statement, and took some time before he answered his question. “Don’t apologize for how you feel. I just hope I didn’t push you farther away. I would hate to lose our friendship.”

“You didn’t and you won’t. I know you’re a good guy… the best… and I know you care about me no matter what. This weekend clarifies some stuff for me.”

“About me?”

“No, about me. About my family. About where I’m at.”

“And where would that be?”

“Not in a great place. I’m sorry I have this baggage, but the thought of being with a bisexual man again… or even a confused one… scares the crap out of me. I can’t do it.”

“Drake, I’m gay, and I’m not confused. I keep trying to tell you—”

“You’re gay until you’re not. Richard was gay too, until he wasn’t.”

“Please stop comparing us. I get why you have fears, and I wish I could let you inside my head. Victoria… I love her, but only as my friend. It was something that just happened because of where we were in our lives. It was casual, Drake, and it ran its course… it was never going to be anything more.”

“Yet, you went to Vancouver with her.”

“Of course I did, because I promised her I would. She’d been estranged from her dad for eight years, and he was sick. Parkinson’s is a scary thing to wrap your head around. She couldn’t have handled it alone, and you’d already said we were done the night I began to tell you about the trip. She was my friend before the sex, Drake. She still is.”

“You’re right. I did say we were done, so….” Drake closed his eyes for a few seconds as he pushed away thoughts of that disastrous night. “You still see her?”

Jimmy nodded. “Mostly we talk on the phone, but yeah, we still go for coffee, or a movie… sometimes we cook together and watch TV… and no, we haven’t slept together since before you went out with me the first time.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no one reason. Look, it was mostly because you finally agreed to go out with me, and I knew you were what I wanted.”

“At the time, maybe, but why not since?”

Jimmy sighed. “That hasn’t changed, but I know that’s not what you’re asking.” He ran his hands through his hair, sighing again before he continued. “Because I figured out sleeping with women shortchanges everyone, myself included. Maybe I won’t find everything I want in a man again, but I certainly won’t with a woman. Did that make sense to you?”

“No, not really. Why can’t you find what you want in a man again? Is that where being bi comes in?”

Jimmy turned his head quickly, his stare intense. “Fuck, you can’t let that part go, can you?”

“It’s kind of a big deal to me,” Drake shot back. “If you’d told me before you asked me out, we could have been spared all this.”

“Oh, God, I’ve tried to have this conversation with you so many times, and we can never get past this part. I did tell you, on what was supposed to be our fourth date, but I had no idea it was going to be such a big deal.”

“Well, it was,” Drake barked out bitterly.

Jimmy buried his head in his hands, leaning over and looking down. “Yeah, I got that. I didn’t know about Richard when I told you about Victoria.” His voice stayed low and soft. “You’re not the only one who has baggage because he’s gotten a shitty deal from a relationship. Maybe if we finally talk, it will at least give me some closure.”

“Closure? That fucking word again. There’s no such thing as a magical closure, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s gotten burnt. It’s not a contest. Damn, can we stop this?”

“Fuck, you’re shutting me down again?”

“No… no, Jimmy. Callie’s waving to us. I don’t think I’m going to be able to avoid being in a wedding photo.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I hate disappointing you. We’ll… we’ll finish this later, I promise. You’re right that I never gave you a chance to say your piece. I want to hear what you have to say—just—don’t expect it to change things, okay?”

“I already told you I have no expectations. I meant it.”

 

The walk over to the wedding party was strained, but like always with Jimmy, they were able to get past it once they were met with enthusiastic greetings. Rachel was effusive and radiant, and Rocco looked happily smug.

Drake was dragged to the locally-famous oak tree that appeared in many a wedding album, and soon found out he was going to be in a lot more than one photo. A few times, he had to look away from Jimmy, whose expression as he watched, made him feel exposed. There was a poorly-hidden sadness behind those kind eyes, and he’d put it there.

Just when he thought he was done, Rachel expressed a desire for a picture of him and Jimmy with her and Rocco, and Callie and Luke. Jimmy tried to beg off, but Rachel and Callie were forces to be reckoned with, and he soon gave in.

With the bride and groom in the middle, the other two couples bracketed them, holding hands. Drake felt awkward until Jimmy whispered loud enough for all of them to hear, “You and me are really going to class up this photo.” Drake’s and everyone else’s laughter was most certainly caught by the camera. After one more photo, of just the two of them, their roles were complete. Drake sighed with relief as the wedding party moved off to another part of the grounds.

 

Dinner was served at six, and while the coq au vin was superb, Drake had trouble getting through it. He’d so far avoided coming face to face with Richard, and that fact cast a shadow on his ability to fully enjoy all the happiness that came with a reception.

The speeches were amusing, and the banter among and between the guests and the wedding party was at times hilarious, but Drake was glad to see it all come to an end. They were seated with his parents, his aunt Nadine, and his aunt Charlene and Uncle Raymond, the parents of the bride. Preston and his family sat at the adjacent table, while Richard and his wife were on the opposite side of the room. Drake had no doubt Callie had a hand in both arrangements.

The inevitable happened after the cutting of the cake, when tables were being cleared and rearranged to make room for a dance floor. Jimmy had been quiet, for Jimmy, and they were slowly making their way to the outside patio.

“Hi, Drake.”

He spun at the familiar voice, bumping Jimmy in the process. Clearing his throat because of sudden dryness, he managed to get some words out. “Hello, Richard.”

“Ah, you remember Bernadette of course.”

Drake nodded. “Of course. Hi, Bernadette.”

“Hi, Drake, it’s good to see you again. You look great.”

“So do you. Congratulations… on the wedding and the baby,” he said with a voice that broke on ‘wedding.’ Dammit! He could feel himself turning red as his mind went totally blank.

“Hi, I’m Dean. Nice to meet you both.”

“Sorry”—he looked apologetically at Jimmy—“Dean is my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Richard said as he stuck out his hand. Jimmy shook it before addressing Bernadette with a charming smile. “You look lovely, and very pregnant. Nice to meet you.”

Bernadette smiled as she held out her hand for Jimmy to take. “Thank you. Yes, I’m feeling very pregnant, but I still have a month to go. Nice to meet you too. Have you two been together long?”

“A fair while, yeah. We’ve worked in the same building for a year and a half, but we met officially a year ago, and started dating a month later,” Jimmy answered smoothly, sparing Drake the mental work he wasn’t capable of at the moment.

Being this close to the first man he’d ever loved was unsettling to say the least. Richard’s amber gaze was focused on him, and that made it hard to think, and impossible to maintain eye contact. Ugly memories began to surface, but he forced them away. With a start, he realized he hadn’t shaken their hands, and it was too awkward to do it now, so instead he reached for Jimmy’s, clasping it tightly.

“Well, you make a very handsome couple,” Bernadette continued. “It was a wonderful wedding, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it was,” Jimmy answered. “I’ve found out good looks run in Drake’s family.”

“Yes, they do,” Richard responded. Another awkward silence, and Drake watched as the couple exchanged a look. “Can I get you guys something from the bar?”

“Thanks, but not right now. We were just about to go for a walk and get some air. Maybe we’ll see you later,” Jimmy said, squeezing Drake’s hand.

“Yeah, it was good to catch up,” Drake added, instantly feeling stupid at his words, and needing desperately to get away. It might have been his imagination, but it felt like people were staring.

“I, ah… okay. Bernadette, do you want some juice?”

“Yes, please. I’ll need to sit again soon. We should go say hello to Irene and Jason.”

“Right, we’ll go find them and get you off your feet.” He focused on Drake again. “It would be nice if you and I could talk some more before we go. We won’t be staying long because Bernadette needs her rest. I’ll come look for you a little later, if that’s all right?”

“Um… sure. We’ll be around somewhere.”

“Good.” Richard gave him a searching look before they turned and headed toward the bar.

“So much for not making a fool of myself. Let’s get out of here.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you handled that well.”

“Yeah, right. I could barely speak, and now he wants to talk some more. Crud! I can’t believe I said it was good to catch up when I couldn’t even get any words out.”

“Come on,” Jimmy said, tugging on Drake’s hand and leading him out onto the patio and beyond. The sky was only just beginning to darken.

Battling a feeling of inadequacy, he stayed abreast of the long-striding Jimmy, finally realizing they were walking toward the same bench as earlier.

“Why are we going this far?”

“Because you need a few minutes to relax. You are way too hard on yourself, man.”

Drake pulled his hand away causing Jimmy to stop.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I just… I’m feeling like a child.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I know, Jimmy, I know. It’s not you, it’s me. You been rescuing me all weekend, and….”

“And what?”

“I’m disappointed in myself. Back there, with Richard, my brain quit on me, and if you hadn’t been there, we wouldn’t have had any conversation at all.”

“Would you like to sit, or do you want to go back?”

“Let’s sit. You’re right about me needing to relax. Were people staring at us back there?”

“Your mom was, and so was Callie. I only noticed because they were standing together. Didn’t see if anyone else was, but I wasn’t really looking.”

“Damn.”

“Drake, come on. What’s it matter if someone was watching. That’s what family does. They knew it might be awkward, and were just concerned for you.”

“I suppose. I didn’t want it to be a spectacle, though.”

“And it wasn’t. Believe me, Richard and Bernadette looked more nervous than you did.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. Bernadette did most of the talking because Richard was too busy swallowing. His Adam’s apple was bobbing like crazy.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Here, sit down.” Jimmy sat on the bench and patted the space beside him.

Drake sat, and a small shiver shook his shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why that was so hard. It’s been fucking years.”

“Yes, but this weekend hasn’t just been about Richard, so give yourself a break. I remember running across my ex in a bar, a year after we parted ways. I was as angry then as I was when we broke up. I also felt just as hurt by what he did.”

“What did he do?”

“He cheated.”

“Oh, that’s rough.”

“It was. The worst thing is, I was the one he was cheating with, and I had no clue.”

“Ouch.”

“Yup. For six months I had no idea he already had a boyfriend. He found us together in the dorm… burst in at the worst time… and attacked me, physically and verbally… I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. He pushed me over a wooden storage chest… slammed my head on the floor, and one of his kicks broke my rib. It was brutal. I was on the floor, naked, in shock and pain, listening to the guy I thought was my boyfriend calling this stranger ‘honey,’ and saying how sorry he was.”

“Wow.”

“He told him I meant nothing to him… it was just sex… just fucking sex. I lay there bleeding and he didn’t even look at me.” Drake felt a slight jerk in the shoulder that touched his, but Jimmy’s voice was flat, holding little in the way of emotion. “I watched them walk out… got dressed and drove myself to the hospital.”

“Holy shit! That must have been horrible. How… how did he keep it a secret for so long? Gossip got around quick at my college.”

“Mine too, but the boyfriend went to a different one, and when Travis said he was going home on weekends, he was actually going to see James. Yup, same name… couldn’t mix us up that way,” he said ruefully, and Drake finally heard some pain. “Anyway, my point is, I think it’s hard for most of us when we’ve loved someone, and then cross paths again.”

“I guess.” Drake ruminated about this insight into his friend. Jimmy had integrity, and that would have been a double whammy. “I’m sorry you got screwed over like that.”

“It’s in the past now. I was a fool… ignored all the signs.”

“What signs?”

“Well, for one, he said I couldn’t visit his parents because their house was too small and it would be awkward. After a few months, I suggested we could get a hotel room and I’d pay, and he said the real reason was he wasn’t out to his family. I bought it, and didn’t even consider how he’d been lying to me all that time. And who the fuck visits their parents every single weekend when they’re in college? I only went home for the holidays like all the other students. Like I said, I was an idiot.”

“I don’t know what to say, Jimmy.”

“It’s okay. Long time ago, and it never would have lasted anyway.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I know myself better now than I did then, and Travis wasn’t the least bit affectionate. That’s something I need.”

“Oh.”

“You’re the same, you know.”

“Hey, I’m affectionate!”

“Of course you are. I meant you were the same as me, not Travis. You need affection too.”

“I… yeah, I do.”

“Drake?”

“Yeah?”

“Richard is walking this way.”

Drake’s head swiveled to look back up the path. “Damn. I don’t need this.”

“I think you do. You both do.”

“Easy for you to say,” Drake muttered.

“Actually, no it’s not. I never want to see you get hurt, but….”

“Sorry, that was uncalled for. I know you don’t.”

“Will you be okay if I leave you two to talk?”

“Looks like I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, you do. I’ll stay if you want, or you can get up and come with me?”

“No”—he watched Richard moving closer—“it’s time I heard him out.”

Jimmy stood up, leaned down and kissed him.

The sweetness of it rattled Drake enough he stammered. “We’re getting way too good at playing this game.”

He received a small head shake and an enigmatic smile before Jimmy turned and walked away. He watched him stop and say something to Richard before continuing on.

 

*

As always, I thank Timothy M., my editor and friend, for all he does. I also want to thank you, the readers, for your support of this story and my writing. Please leave a comment on this chapter if you can. I love to hear your thoughts, good or bad. :) 
Copyright © 2018 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
  • Like 46
  • Love 40
  • Wow 1
  • Fingers Crossed 3
  • Sad 6
  • Angry 2
Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Story Discussion Topic

You are not currently following this author. Be sure to follow to keep up to date with new stories they post.

Recommended Comments

Chapter Comments



4 hours ago, droughtquake said:

I was right that the reception would take more than one chapter! We got a teaser with Richard and now we get to wait another 10,080 minutes for more Richard. 604,800 seconds for another installment!  ;-)

 

 

It was good to hear more of Jimmy’s story. But Drake still won’t let Jimmy explain the whole thing. Drake keeps cutting Jimmy off before he is able to tell his side of the situation.  ;-)

 

Jimmy is incredibly patient! I don’t think I’d put up with someone not only negating my feelings, but not letting me express myself. I’m not the most aggressive or forceful person, but when I get angry or frustrated…  ;-)

Yes, you were right, drought. :) Just a short wait though, really :P . I thought Jimmy's story was important for us, and Drake, to hear... to understand what he's been through. I know Drake is frustrating, but I hope readers remember they have had a good friendship all this time. What is happening between them in the last 24 hours is not something Drake is prepared for. He's reacting out of fear partly, but I also think he is overwhelmed. I'm a little disheartened even though I expected readers reaction to Drake's indecision, and his pushing away of a guy as awesome as Jimmy. One of the points of the story is how past experiences can control us. At the moment, Drake is reacting out of fear... he needs to get past that if he has any hope of happiness with the right guy. 

 

As far as Jimmy, I agree with you... how much can a man take. He understands and respects how Drake feels, but rejection is rejection, no matter what the reason for it. I believe Drake is guilty of not listening at times, and cutting Jimmy off, but circumstance has also played against them here. It's been a crazy day so far. And it could get harder ... for them and us... thanks, buddy, for your support... hang in there :) Cheers... Gary....

  • Like 2
  • Love 2
Link to comment

JimmyDean’s comments on the prejudices in the gay community are profound . They run as deeply and terribly and are as entrenched as those in other groups of people. There is no unconditional acceptance. Drake is so invested in his past hurt he doesn’t hear what JimmyDean is saying , doesn’t hear him say he has found the one person he could be happiest with and refuses to consider the implications of this for them. Maybe after the stress of the wedding he will be able to draw parallels with JimmyDeans experience with a gay man to his experience with a bisexual one. Drake does need closure and needs to stop running . 

  • Like 2
  • Love 3
Link to comment

Aaaaaaaaaarrgh!!! There, I got that off my chest. So many other comments reflect my feelings. Drake is becominy less and less of a sympathetic character. Jimmy must really love him to put up with the way he is being treated. In fact, I find it a little hard to believe Jimmy hasn't given up. I think I would have by now. Looking forward to the confrontation with Richard. Thanks.

  • Like 2
  • Love 2
Link to comment

Garry, as I wrote before I love this story! Jimmy is a real friend. I am looking forward to the next chapter to read about the conversation between Drake and Richard.
I am rooting for Drake and Jimmy!
 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment

Great chapter!  Drake needs to stop and listen! Jimmy is bearing the cross of being just like Richard in Drake’s  eyes.  I’m thinking that maybe Drake  would find faults with any guy almost, he was so hurt. 

 

Thank you! 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment

Noooooooooooo!!! Why Gary, why? I'm not a patient person, I'll be chomping at the bit for a whole week now.

Actually, I lie, I'll be at the bar hitting on Jimmy. Margarita anyone?

  • Haha 5
Link to comment
17 hours ago, droughtquake said:

There hasn’t been any indication about it so far in the story, but is it possible that Richard’s family has somehow put pressure on him to marry a woman and have a child? Bernadette could have entered the marriage knowing that Richard isn’t straight. Cultural pressures and inheritances have caused many Gay men to marry women, some of whom know what they’re getting themselves into.  ;-)

 

 

Even if Edward or Harry were Gay, there’s too much pressure for a ‘Royal’ to be in a heterosexual marriage. Appearances are more important than emotions, explaining why Charles married Diana and had to wait to marry his frumpy real love (he finally married a woman just like his mother). Edward II wasn’t allowed to be with Piers Gaveston.

I love the speculation, drought, but :X  :P   Your questions will be answered next week, I promise... I may be :ph34r: after it posts. :)  The only royalty in this story is Princess Preston, and he just lost his tiara. :D 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
7 hours ago, Headstall said:

And that leads me, in a long winded way, to your point about him not listening to what Jimmy has to say... that he stopped listening a long time ago, and runs or avoids as a response. It's because of that bitterness and pain. He doesn't know it yet, but that is his enemy, not some unfair label he puts on Jimmy, and not Richard... and not Preston. As you say, not many would stick around for steady rejection like Jimmy has. 

An Avoidance Personality! That’s me! Even when I panic, I shut down rather than deal with the problem! My best friends don’t think I’m panicking because I’m not running around in circles!  ;-)

7 hours ago, Headstall said:

I love the speculation, drought, but :X  :P   Your questions will be answered next week, I promise... I may be :ph34r: after it posts. :)  The only royalty in this story is Princess Preston, and he just lost his tiara. :D 

I don’t mean that I thought Richard was royalty, I should have used this example instead. A Gay friend of mine and his straight female roommate were feeling their biological clocks ticking. She knew he was Gay when they became roommates. They both wanted kids and weren’t having success dating (a critical difference from Richard). They decided to see if he could ‘perform’ with a woman. It worked and they got married and have at least two kids. His other Gay friends rejected him for his ‘betrayal’ and I was one of the few who remained friendly (although we drifted apart over the decades). He still identifies as Gay even though he appears to be straight or at least bi with the wife and kids.  ;-)

Edited by droughtquake
Link to comment
25 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

Can I just say, after rereading this chapter, I was struck by how similar this situation is to another story's: Lit's Unforgivable. :) In her story, the main character, Corey, doesn't like cheaters. Why?

  Hide contents

[Spoiler Warning]

  Hide contents

Because his father's infidelity has made Corey look down on any and all cheaters. However, in Unforgivable, Corey rekindles a friendship with Jase (a man who had cheated on one of Corey's best friends). Not only does Corey have to look beyond Jase's past mistake, he also has to stop seeing him as being just like his dad.

 

Now, in this story, after what happened with Richard, Drake has developed a distrust of bisexual men. And that has impacted his relationship with Jimmy, who isn't even bisexual! When Drake looks at Jimmy, he sees another Richard waiting to happen. Like Corey holding cheating against Jase, Drake is holding bisexuality against Jimmy. 

 

What these two stories show is that people do develop hangups that negatively effect their lives, whether those hangups are cheating, bisexuality, or something else.

Now, I just need to wait for each Monday to see Drake (hopefully) overcome his hangups.

 

PS: Due to the reaction towards Drake, I can't help but look at another story by Lit... Choices. It reminds me so much of how Alek was initially treated by readers, lol.

 

Well, you may have a point about audience reaction to Drake being similar to Alek.  However, while I was firmly rooting for a Alek from the beginning, I’m not quite there yet for Drake.  I was very sympathetic toward Drake initially.  But at this point he hasn’t earned Jimmy yet.

  • Like 3
  • Love 1
Link to comment
12 minutes ago, spikey582 said:

Well, you may have a point about audience reaction to Drake being similar to Alek.  However, while I was firmly rooting for a Alek from the beginning, I’m not quite there yet for Drake.  I was very sympathetic toward Drake initially.  But at this point he hasn’t earned Jimmy yet.

Oh, I agree, Spikey. Alek was polarizing to readers, while our reaction to Drake is near unanimous.

 

While I'm certainly unhappy with Drake right now, I just have to remember that there was a reason Jimmy and Drake went on that first date. There was a spark, and Jimmy saw something in Drake to pursue him despite Drake being an ass-hat. I'm hoping Jimmy can get through Drake's hangups, because from what we saw in earlier chapters, those two can really work together.

 

But, in the meantime, it looks like Drake will continue to have his head stuck in the place where the sun don't shine.

Edited by Drew Espinosa
  • Like 2
  • Love 2
Link to comment

I'm reading the comments that put Drake in the bad corner and I get it, to a point.

 I don't view him as an unsympathetic character, I view him as someone who's finally facing the elephant that's been in his living room for two years.  

This would have been a tough situation for anyone to deal with;  Due to his upbringing, Drake lacks the coping skills to deal with this at all, let alone with support.  I think he would've been oblivious and insensitive to anyone with him at this point, that it's Jimmy makes it intolerable for us because we see clearly what Drake can't-they should be together.  It's easy to take such unconditional support for granted and unfortunately, he does.

Drake is being a shithead, no doubt.  Remember tho, Jimmy wants this conversation between him and Drake and he want the confrontation between Drake and Richard-

1/ His convo with Drake has been shut down every time it came up since their break up.

2/ Drake's break up with Richard was the most traumatic thing to ever happen to him, it altered the way he viewed and handled future relationships.  If Drake can get a positive resolution to that via a conversation with Richard, Jimmy wants that for Drake.

 Neither of these conversations were going to be pleasant, to intermingle them, (as what happened at the bench) was nitro meeting glycerin.

The waters always get murky when you drudge the gunk up from the bottom.  It has to get messy tho in order to resettle, hopefully for the better.

  • Like 1
  • Love 3
Link to comment

What a beautiful chapter.  The first exchange between Drake and Jimmy on the bench is yet another one of your exquisitely, achingly, tensely composed conversations--Jimmy trying so hard, kindly, and in restated ("rewritten") iterations to help and love Drake , and Drake repeatedly mishearing and rebuffing him.  Much pain between them and for us readers.  The passage that begins "Jimmy looked taken aback..." is especially affecting to me.  And "Drake turned his head, and stared into compassionate green" is such a splendid transforming of an adjective into a noun.  They are even placed by you on a golf course!

 

Thank you for another fine chapter. 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 8:15 PM, spikey582 said:

So... the reactions of the other readers made me feel much better about my own reaction to reading this story.  I had initially found Drake to be very sympathetic in the first few chapters of the story.  But more and more I'm starting to dislike him. In fact, his behavior this chapter, his cruel dismissal of Jimmy, was enough to make me sick.  Frankly, Jimmy is a way better man than Drake, and, as of right now, Drake doesn't deserve someone of Jimmy's caliber.  That dude must be in love to put up with that bullshit.  

 

I'm of two minds regarding the Richard situation.  We really don't know how the breakup went down, just Drake's side of the story, as @dughlas pointed out.  At this point, considering how he blew off someone as amazing as Jimmy for not being a gold star gay, I'm starting to lean toward giving Richard some benefit of the doubt.  I do wonder about those plans that they made, that Drake mentions.  That sounds way more serious than someone unsure and experimenting.  So, perhaps it's worth hearing what he has to say. 

 

That being said, Richard wanting to hear that it's "okay" is well and good, but I really hope Drake doesn't tell him that just to make him feel better.  The scars of what that relationship did are still seriously messing Drake up.  I'm still trying to figure out why Richard is there in the first place.  If they're friends of the groom or something, perhaps they ought to just have sent a gift and not intruded on a family celebration when they knew their presence would cause tension.  

Thanks for the awesome comment, buddy! As I said previously, I expected this reaction from readers. I actually was concerned you guys wouldn't understand his fears in the previous chapter, but most of you did appear to get where he was coming from, so you may have lulled me somewhat. :)  I wanted to show how unfair it is to be judged in such a way, and being placed in categories... it's not fair... but I also wanted to show just how betrayal or the perception of it, can color our judgement to the point of irrationality. Drake isn't intentionally cruel, and yeah, he's wrapped up in himself at the moment, but I understand that. He doesn't want to hurt Jimmy, but his fear is real. If we follow his inner dialogue, he's always worried about what he's doing to Jimmy... yet he's powerless to keep his bitterness at bay... I've been there too. 

 

I don't ask anyone to like him right now, but I hope they see what he's going through. The last thing he wanted was to stir up his own feelings for Jimmy, but that is exactly what has happened. Being stubborn is something else I know about. We want Drake to wake the hell up, but we are powerless too. 

 

Richard is coming up on Monday. He has a story to tell, but yeah, we know he messed Drake up pretty thoroughly. Drake finally had someone who made up for a bad family situation... and then he didn't. Other than that, :X  :P 

 

I want to key on one more point you made... You're right that Jimmy must really love the guy to stick around... but keep in mind there were in a good place as friends before this weekend... at least, that was Drake's impression.  He only found out a couple of hours ago, at the pool, that Jimmy had been waiting... hadn't given up hope. He instantly felt the pressure of that after just having heard about the big family secret. That's a lot to handle for anyone, and Drake is in a battle with himself over the dilemma he's in. 

 

Rocco and Bernadette are cousins, but this whole group went to the same high school, and are part of a much bigger circle. But, that isn't important here... I would expect Richard looks at this as an opportunity to finally talk to his ex... Maybe. :) 

 

Thanks again, spikey, for your engagement with the story and these characters... it makes me happy :D  Cheers... Gary....

Edited by Headstall
  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 8:20 PM, Daddydavek said:

I think Jimmy is right to trust Richard to clear some things up.  Jimmy is still a golden guy in my opinion and if Drake doesn't wake up soon and realize that Jimmy isn't playing a game, then he deserves to lose him too. 

Hey, Dave. I agree completely. Drake stands to lose the perfect 'golden' guy if he doesn't wake up. He can't expect Jimmy to wait around for him, and at this point, I don't think he does expect that. He's convinced he's in the same situation he was with Richard. We all know that's not true, but Drake is in turmoil, and too close to the situation, and too messed up to see the big picture. It's only been 24 hours since they arrived in Ottawa, and the dust is far from settling. :)  I would agree to that Jimmy has some high hopes that Richard will give Drake the closure he needs. I guess we'll find out more on Monday. Thanks for the great comment and the support, buddy... cheers... Gary....

  • Like 2
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 8:21 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

You do realize my pestering will go into overdrive after that cliffhanger, right Gary? :P 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

I'll make the Spanish Inquisition look tame in comparison! :evil: 

 

 

Hehe, wonderful chapter, Gary! :hug: 

What cliffhanger? :huh:  :P  You know I will not give in to your tactics, Drew... :X is for your own good :D ... Thanks, buddy :hug: 

  • Haha 2
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 8:31 PM, jaysalmn said:

I don't think it makes a difference who Richard left Drake for. I feel that all of the "future" talk was just a bunch of bullshit to make Drake happy and to buy Richard some time. To me, it doesn't matter what his excuses are. If he didn't love Drake, then he was just a heartless liar. If he did love Drake, but married a woman just to stay in the closet or to make his family happy, then he's a spineless pussy. Either way, I stand by my opinion that he doesn't deserve forgiveness.

I sure have stirred up some emotions with this chapter, haven't I? :)  It's great to hear how all the readers feel about these characters. You'll hear Richard's story Monday, jay... hope you like what he has to say. Thanks for caring about these characters... I love it :D  Cheers... Gary....

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 10:38 PM, Parker Owens said:

Drake now gets to test the proposition that he makes Richard feel just as broken as Richard makes him feel. That is, if Drake can remember to look for that. 

 

Beautiful chapter, with such great dialogue. Can’t wait for the next one. 

Yay! Thank you for commenting on the dialogue, Parker. Overall, I'm quite happy with it., and how these two interact and handle all the tension swirling. I thought it important we got to hear some of Jimmy's story... some of his past. :) 

 

Yeah, we don't know what kind of state of mind Drake will be in with Richard, but we do know he has a tendency to not listen... and even worse... run. Jimmy has hopes he'll get some closure... we'll see. Thanks for thinking it a beautiful chapter, buddy... I appreciate that... see you Monday... cheers... Gary.... 

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 11:22 PM, Bucket1 said:

Jimmy, you can do better than Drake...

 

I have read the other very polite responses to the chapter and I feel unable to express my full feelings.

 

As Dugh said Tobyn was dense but never unkind or rude. Jimmy should stage the breakup during the reception, slap him in front of everyone and leave - for real. Not a good friend. Not a good lover. Asshat runs in the family.

It would appear so, B, but Drake is who Jimmy wants. :)  What we don't know is for how much longer. I think they are both being tested this weekend. Will one of them break? Will both? 

 

Jeez... you didn't express your full feelings? :huh:  I get it, B, but can you stop rewriting the story for me? :P  Your scene would be a powerful one, though. Maybe I should consider it. :) 

 

I understand why you see Drake the way you do, but I would take him over Preston any day. It's just my opinion, but Drake has a right to let his bitterness out. He knows Jimmy wants and deserves nothing less than the truth... He hates hurting him, and he knows how good the guy is, but he's feeling a lot of pressure at the moment... it's not nice to take that out on Jimmy, but don't we all do that with people we trust? I know I have. Don't you think Jimmy wants him to open up, good or bad? Isn't it what he's been asking for? The worst thing Drake is doing is putting Jimmy in Richard's category, and pushing him away for that reason. It's not fair, but it's human, I would suggest. Anyway, I accept and understand you and others see Drake as a jerk, but I object to the asshat moniker... that belongs to Preston, and Preston alone. :P  

 

Thanks, Buddy... I really love that readers are fired up they way they are. Either I'm doing something wrong... or I'm doing something right. :D  Cheers, and Happy Vacation... see you Monday... Gary.... :hug: 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
6 hours ago, Headstall said:

It would appear so, B, but Drake is who Jimmy wants. :)  What we don't know is for how much longer. I think they are both being tested this weekend. Will one of them break? Will both? 

 

Jeez... you didn't express your full feelings? :huh:  I get it, B, but can you stop rewriting the story for me? :P  Your scene would be a powerful one, though. Maybe I should consider it. :) 

 

I understand why you see Drake the way you do, but I would take him over Preston any day. It's just my opinion, but Drake has a right to let his bitterness out. He knows Jimmy wants and deserves nothing less than the truth... He hates hurting him, and he knows how good the guy is, but he's feeling a lot of pressure at the moment... it's not nice to take that out on Jimmy, but don't we all do that with people we trust? I know I have. Don't you think Jimmy wants him to open up, good or bad? Isn't it what he's been asking for? The worst thing Drake is doing is putting Jimmy in Richard's category, and pushing him away for that reason. It's not fair, but it's human, I would suggest. Anyway, I accept and understand you and others see Drake as a jerk, but I object to the asshat moniker... that belongs to Preston, and Preston alone. :P  

 

Thanks, Buddy... I really love that readers are fired up they way they are. Either I'm doing something wrong... or I'm doing something right. :D  Cheers, and Happy Vacation... see you Monday... Gary.... :hug: 

I’m not rewriting the story just exploring some wild speculation :P I liked my other speculation better, Preston ended up with a bloody nose :gikkle:

 

Yes I would pick Drake over Preston but Jimmy wins hands down. Drake doesn’t want to address the real issues although he does want closure, doesn’t want closure, does want closure with Richard. He will not be able to truely open his heart to Jimmy until he gets over Richard leaving him.

 

Both Preston and Drake are suffering the side effects of “betrayal”, and taking it out on the people they care about. While I understand where they are coming from, it is not nice for those around them.

 

I would lean towards you having done something right

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
On 4/2/2018 at 11:39 PM, ColumbusGuy said:

I'm conflicted by this chapter now, my dear friend.  I assume this feeling is part of your intentions because of the masterful way you do these things, but it makes me uneasy to say it anyhow.  Up to this point, not having heard any of Jimmy's involvement with Victoria, I was cutting Drake a lot of slack and not passing too harsh a judgment on him...now, I fear I'm making a leap closer to the other end of the spectrum.  Granted his rough time with Richard, which we are about to hear more of, I now consider him to be very nearly an 'ass hat' in his own right.

I'm sure by the end of the next chapter or two, I may be of a different view, or thoroughly confused, but feeling this way makes me feel bad because it is nearly like disliking something you've done--which I have never, and never want--to do.  So, put me out of my misery and give me that ray of sunshine back...it's flickering at the moment, shining only for Jimmy, and it needs a few clouds to part so I can empathize with Drake again.  :worship:   :hug:  :kiss:  

Hey, Buddy. It's all right to feel conflicted, so don't feel uneasy to say so. Drake is an imperfect character and a product of his experiences. This is proving to be a weekend of upheaval and change for him, and he is all over the place with his reactions. What he is most guilty of is lashing out at Jimmy's attempts to convince him, and putting him in Richard's category. That's because he's scared, not cruel. He's terrified of getting hurt again, by a situation he views as the same as the one with Richard. At least they are talking about the hard stuff... something Drake has a giant tendency to avoid. He kept his earlier word to Jimmy in that respect.

 

I make no promises, but Drake knows how great a guy Jimmy is, and he's in a position to be reminded of that minute by minute. Remember, this is their fist time in such close quarters since they went their separate ways, and Jimmy is getting to him. The biggest dilemma is he needs his friend. Drake is fighting it because of what we see as irrational, but he is in self defense mode. This is probably not the best time to be faced with this, but here they are, and Drake still has a mountain to climb named Richard. I'm not going to tell you to cut him some slack. What I hope for is that he will be understood... to err is human after all. :)  Cheers, my friend... I never want you to be anything but honest when you read my stuff... sorry it's taking me so long to respond... cheers... G-Man.... xoxoxoxo :hug: 

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Link to comment
On 4/3/2018 at 12:15 AM, Defiance19 said:

Oh Drake.. Drake, Drake..

Jimmy is a kind and patient man. He’s also very rational. To not hear Jimmy out and treat him so carelessly, isn’t fair.

I feel like part of Drake is using Richard as an excuse. If he lets it go he’ll have to look at himself and maybe feel something, and deal with his own issues. I’m not saying he wasn’t hurt and some wounds go deep, but he needs to take a beat.

Hopefully this chat will give him something. 

I can’t wait to see what Richard says. If he really was an ass or if he provides a grey area, whereas Drake gave us black and white. Richard’s not innocent, but there were the two in the relationship. 

 

 

 

No, it isn't fair. I agree, Def. You make a good point about using Richard as an excuse. I have seen it again and again where we use our pain as a shield, and only end up hurting ourselves. My mom used to say that there are people in this world who aren't happy unless their miserable. There is truth in that. 

 

I think the part of their chat about what happened to Jimmy... with his ex... opened Drake's eyes just a little. He's still placing Jimmy in an unfair box, and he's fighting his attraction, but at least he's listening. The thing is, there's no magic cure here. At this point, as I've said before, Drake is stuck, and being stuck is hard. 

 

Maybe Richard will shed some light for Drake... or us. Thanks, Def, for the great and candid comment. it is much appreciated... see you Monday, as the world turns. :P  Cheers... Gary....

  • Like 1
  • Love 1
Link to comment

View Guidelines

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Newsletter

    Sign Up and get an occasional Newsletter.  Fill out your profile with favorite genres and say yes to genre news to get the monthly update for your favorite genres.

    Sign Up
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Our Privacy Policy can be found here: Privacy Policy. We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue..