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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Exes and Ohs - 6. Chapter 6 Bloodied and Broken

First contact.

                                                                                                                                                      *   *   *

 

 

Drake led the way along a stone pathway bordered with stretches of spreading junipers and beds of summer flowers. He was heading for a somewhat isolated bench away from the populated clubhouse, and they were almost there. Golfers could be seen dotting the course, and gentle gusts of wind made wearing suit jackets bearable.

“Are we hiding?”

“What? No. Why do you think that?” Drake stopped and turned to face Jimmy, finding himself under scrutiny.

“You were in a hurry to leave the church, and now you seem reluctant to join the other guests.”

“Yeah, well, I need a breather, and this is where I used to sit and read when my mom and dad were socializing after a game of golf.”

“Okay.” He stretched the word out, and Drake heard the question in it.

“You’re looking skeptical.”

“I saw Richard and his wife getting out of their car.”

A groan of embarrassment made its way out. “All right. I admit it. I’m not ready.” He turned and began walking again.

“Drake, stop! It’s understandable.”

“I need to sit,” was his quick response. He made it to the bench and sank down.

“Do you want me to cut it short?”

“Cut what short?”

“When we meet them. Do you want me to make up some excuse and haul you away after a minute or two?”

“I… I don’t know. What if he wants to talk to me?”

“Do you think he does?”

“I haven’t a clue, but if he’s anything like the Richard I thought I knew… yeah… maybe. It would bother him that I didn’t tell him it was all okay.” A bitter snort accompanied the thought.

“Well then, if that’s the case, I think you should talk… for your sake, not his. But, by no means should you feel obligated to. He doesn’t control that—you do.”

Drake considered his words, but only sighed in response.

“It’s nice and shady here. I’m going to lose this jacket and enjoy the breeze.”

Drake watched him as he stood up and shrugged it off. Just like there was something about a man in a suit, there was also something about a fit man in a snowy white shirt, and Jimmy was certainly fit. He turned his attention to the view in front of them as Jimmy sat back down. This weekend was turning out to be way more than he bargained for.

“You know my dad is going to pester me about a golfing weekend now, don’t you?”

“Oh.”

Jimmy’s gaze could be felt as Drake continued to stare straight ahead.

“Is that a problem?”

“It just makes it harder when I tell them we’ve broken up.”

“Right. Sorry… I got carried away again. I’m making it tougher on you, and that wasn’t my intent when I suggested we do this.”

“I know it wasn’t. I think you’ve guessed I’m pretty messed up today.”

“Like I said… understandable.”

“Is it? It’s been years now.”

“You really loved him, huh?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“Do you still?”

Drake turned his head, and stared into compassionate green. “I loved a man who didn’t exist.”

“Meaning…?”

“Richard was never who he said he was. He was bisexual, not gay, and he didn’t love me… not the way he said he did.”

“Drake—”

“That’s the truth of it, Jimmy, and all those plans we made were never going to happen. We talked about marriage and children and where we wanted to live… the whole deal.” Drake swallowed down the emotion that formed in his throat. When he was able to, he spoke again. “Richard just bided his time with me, and kept me in the dark about what he was really feeling.”

“Do you honestly believe that?”

“How can I not? He left me for a woman. A girl he dated and loved before he ever approached me.”

“That doesn’t mean he didn’t love you.”

“Doesn’t it? Okay, even if he did, it doesn’t make it any better.”

“I’m sure he was torn—”

“Sure, because he was never gay in the first place. He should have told me.”

“And if he did?”

“I wouldn’t have gone out with him… and I wouldn’t have fallen in love with him.”

“Don’t you think—”

“Of course you’re going to see his side, but you didn’t live it—I did.”

“I wasn’t….” Jimmy sighed, and Drake felt his frustration. “It’s funny, you know?”

“Funny? Seriously?”

“No, not funny like that. It’s just… we all look at things differently. The gay community, for all we want to be accepted unconditionally, is filled with judgement, like ‘their way’ is the only right way. Some guys who come out early look down on guys who come out later in life, like they were cowards or something. Some guys are judged too fem, and some are too out there. I don’t get it.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Drake was confused, and beginning to feel defensive.

“Honestly, you got me? I know what I mean, but explaining….” Jimmy shook his head after a rueful glance. “I’m not sticking up for Richard, but didn’t he just do the reverse of what a lot of gay guys do? I mean, a lot of men take a while to figure out they’re gay, and it sounds like Richard took a while to figure out he wasn’t.”

“So.” Drake’s defensiveness sharpened to anger.

“So… does that cancel out his life before? Sorry. I’ll try this again. Everyone’s journey is different. Or maybe not everyone’s, but for some of us it’s not so cut and dried. We all walk in different shoes, Drake, and some of us can move back and forth until we find what we’re looking for, or the picture becomes clearer.”

“How convenient,” Drake scoffed. He had to force himself to stay seated.

“Look, I don’t want to make this about me, and I’m botching this up. This is about you thinking he didn’t care about you… didn’t love you. I was only trying… all I’m saying is, finally realizing he was straight, if he is, doesn’t mean he didn’t.”

“Do you know how stupid that sounds to me?”

Jimmy looked taken aback, and then sheepish. “I suppose it does, and this is not a great subject for us. I can’t speak for Richard, but I finally found the person I would be most happy with, and because I took a different way to get to that point, it ended up costing me dearly. I guess that was about me after all, wasn’t it.” He gave Drake an apologetic look. “Just talk to the guy. Really, I’m not sticking up for him—I just think it would do you good to listen to why he made the choice he did. It might give you closure to understand what happened.”

Drake was caught up in the emotion the man was trying hard not to display. He was failing miserably, and it made him sad to see it. That hadn’t just been about Jimmy. He’d been attempting to help Drake; he just hadn’t done it with his usual finesse, or maybe he had, and Drake just didn’t want to listen. His anger left. “Closure… yeah, there’s a concept I don’t have a lot of faith in. And, I don’t need to understand anything. All I need is to say hello, and not make a fool of myself.”

“If that’s what you want, then that’s what you should do.”

The wedding party appeared in the gardens to the west of the clubhouse, in shades of mauve, white, and black, and their laughter floated over to the bench. They sat in silence, watching the happy antics as the photographer had them posing. Drake did not feel like taking part, and he hoped they would go unnoticed where they were. “I’m sorry I can’t be who you want, Jimmy. Do you wish you hadn’t come?”

He appeared rattled by Drake’s sudden statement, and took some time before he answered his question. “Don’t apologize for how you feel. I just hope I didn’t push you farther away. I would hate to lose our friendship.”

“You didn’t and you won’t. I know you’re a good guy… the best… and I know you care about me no matter what. This weekend clarifies some stuff for me.”

“About me?”

“No, about me. About my family. About where I’m at.”

“And where would that be?”

“Not in a great place. I’m sorry I have this baggage, but the thought of being with a bisexual man again… or even a confused one… scares the crap out of me. I can’t do it.”

“Drake, I’m gay, and I’m not confused. I keep trying to tell you—”

“You’re gay until you’re not. Richard was gay too, until he wasn’t.”

“Please stop comparing us. I get why you have fears, and I wish I could let you inside my head. Victoria… I love her, but only as my friend. It was something that just happened because of where we were in our lives. It was casual, Drake, and it ran its course… it was never going to be anything more.”

“Yet, you went to Vancouver with her.”

“Of course I did, because I promised her I would. She’d been estranged from her dad for eight years, and he was sick. Parkinson’s is a scary thing to wrap your head around. She couldn’t have handled it alone, and you’d already said we were done the night I began to tell you about the trip. She was my friend before the sex, Drake. She still is.”

“You’re right. I did say we were done, so….” Drake closed his eyes for a few seconds as he pushed away thoughts of that disastrous night. “You still see her?”

Jimmy nodded. “Mostly we talk on the phone, but yeah, we still go for coffee, or a movie… sometimes we cook together and watch TV… and no, we haven’t slept together since before you went out with me the first time.”

“Why not?”

“There’s no one reason. Look, it was mostly because you finally agreed to go out with me, and I knew you were what I wanted.”

“At the time, maybe, but why not since?”

Jimmy sighed. “That hasn’t changed, but I know that’s not what you’re asking.” He ran his hands through his hair, sighing again before he continued. “Because I figured out sleeping with women shortchanges everyone, myself included. Maybe I won’t find everything I want in a man again, but I certainly won’t with a woman. Did that make sense to you?”

“No, not really. Why can’t you find what you want in a man again? Is that where being bi comes in?”

Jimmy turned his head quickly, his stare intense. “Fuck, you can’t let that part go, can you?”

“It’s kind of a big deal to me,” Drake shot back. “If you’d told me before you asked me out, we could have been spared all this.”

“Oh, God, I’ve tried to have this conversation with you so many times, and we can never get past this part. I did tell you, on what was supposed to be our fourth date, but I had no idea it was going to be such a big deal.”

“Well, it was,” Drake barked out bitterly.

Jimmy buried his head in his hands, leaning over and looking down. “Yeah, I got that. I didn’t know about Richard when I told you about Victoria.” His voice stayed low and soft. “You’re not the only one who has baggage because he’s gotten a shitty deal from a relationship. Maybe if we finally talk, it will at least give me some closure.”

“Closure? That fucking word again. There’s no such thing as a magical closure, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s gotten burnt. It’s not a contest. Damn, can we stop this?”

“Fuck, you’re shutting me down again?”

“No… no, Jimmy. Callie’s waving to us. I don’t think I’m going to be able to avoid being in a wedding photo.”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I hate disappointing you. We’ll… we’ll finish this later, I promise. You’re right that I never gave you a chance to say your piece. I want to hear what you have to say—just—don’t expect it to change things, okay?”

“I already told you I have no expectations. I meant it.”

 

The walk over to the wedding party was strained, but like always with Jimmy, they were able to get past it once they were met with enthusiastic greetings. Rachel was effusive and radiant, and Rocco looked happily smug.

Drake was dragged to the locally-famous oak tree that appeared in many a wedding album, and soon found out he was going to be in a lot more than one photo. A few times, he had to look away from Jimmy, whose expression as he watched, made him feel exposed. There was a poorly-hidden sadness behind those kind eyes, and he’d put it there.

Just when he thought he was done, Rachel expressed a desire for a picture of him and Jimmy with her and Rocco, and Callie and Luke. Jimmy tried to beg off, but Rachel and Callie were forces to be reckoned with, and he soon gave in.

With the bride and groom in the middle, the other two couples bracketed them, holding hands. Drake felt awkward until Jimmy whispered loud enough for all of them to hear, “You and me are really going to class up this photo.” Drake’s and everyone else’s laughter was most certainly caught by the camera. After one more photo, of just the two of them, their roles were complete. Drake sighed with relief as the wedding party moved off to another part of the grounds.

 

Dinner was served at six, and while the coq au vin was superb, Drake had trouble getting through it. He’d so far avoided coming face to face with Richard, and that fact cast a shadow on his ability to fully enjoy all the happiness that came with a reception.

The speeches were amusing, and the banter among and between the guests and the wedding party was at times hilarious, but Drake was glad to see it all come to an end. They were seated with his parents, his aunt Nadine, and his aunt Charlene and Uncle Raymond, the parents of the bride. Preston and his family sat at the adjacent table, while Richard and his wife were on the opposite side of the room. Drake had no doubt Callie had a hand in both arrangements.

The inevitable happened after the cutting of the cake, when tables were being cleared and rearranged to make room for a dance floor. Jimmy had been quiet, for Jimmy, and they were slowly making their way to the outside patio.

“Hi, Drake.”

He spun at the familiar voice, bumping Jimmy in the process. Clearing his throat because of sudden dryness, he managed to get some words out. “Hello, Richard.”

“Ah, you remember Bernadette of course.”

Drake nodded. “Of course. Hi, Bernadette.”

“Hi, Drake, it’s good to see you again. You look great.”

“So do you. Congratulations… on the wedding and the baby,” he said with a voice that broke on ‘wedding.’ Dammit! He could feel himself turning red as his mind went totally blank.

“Hi, I’m Dean. Nice to meet you both.”

“Sorry”—he looked apologetically at Jimmy—“Dean is my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Richard said as he stuck out his hand. Jimmy shook it before addressing Bernadette with a charming smile. “You look lovely, and very pregnant. Nice to meet you.”

Bernadette smiled as she held out her hand for Jimmy to take. “Thank you. Yes, I’m feeling very pregnant, but I still have a month to go. Nice to meet you too. Have you two been together long?”

“A fair while, yeah. We’ve worked in the same building for a year and a half, but we met officially a year ago, and started dating a month later,” Jimmy answered smoothly, sparing Drake the mental work he wasn’t capable of at the moment.

Being this close to the first man he’d ever loved was unsettling to say the least. Richard’s amber gaze was focused on him, and that made it hard to think, and impossible to maintain eye contact. Ugly memories began to surface, but he forced them away. With a start, he realized he hadn’t shaken their hands, and it was too awkward to do it now, so instead he reached for Jimmy’s, clasping it tightly.

“Well, you make a very handsome couple,” Bernadette continued. “It was a wonderful wedding, don’t you think?”

“Yes, it was,” Jimmy answered. “I’ve found out good looks run in Drake’s family.”

“Yes, they do,” Richard responded. Another awkward silence, and Drake watched as the couple exchanged a look. “Can I get you guys something from the bar?”

“Thanks, but not right now. We were just about to go for a walk and get some air. Maybe we’ll see you later,” Jimmy said, squeezing Drake’s hand.

“Yeah, it was good to catch up,” Drake added, instantly feeling stupid at his words, and needing desperately to get away. It might have been his imagination, but it felt like people were staring.

“I, ah… okay. Bernadette, do you want some juice?”

“Yes, please. I’ll need to sit again soon. We should go say hello to Irene and Jason.”

“Right, we’ll go find them and get you off your feet.” He focused on Drake again. “It would be nice if you and I could talk some more before we go. We won’t be staying long because Bernadette needs her rest. I’ll come look for you a little later, if that’s all right?”

“Um… sure. We’ll be around somewhere.”

“Good.” Richard gave him a searching look before they turned and headed toward the bar.

“So much for not making a fool of myself. Let’s get out of here.”

“What are you talking about? I thought you handled that well.”

“Yeah, right. I could barely speak, and now he wants to talk some more. Crud! I can’t believe I said it was good to catch up when I couldn’t even get any words out.”

“Come on,” Jimmy said, tugging on Drake’s hand and leading him out onto the patio and beyond. The sky was only just beginning to darken.

Battling a feeling of inadequacy, he stayed abreast of the long-striding Jimmy, finally realizing they were walking toward the same bench as earlier.

“Why are we going this far?”

“Because you need a few minutes to relax. You are way too hard on yourself, man.”

Drake pulled his hand away causing Jimmy to stop.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I just… I’m feeling like a child.”

“I didn’t mean—”

“I know, Jimmy, I know. It’s not you, it’s me. You been rescuing me all weekend, and….”

“And what?”

“I’m disappointed in myself. Back there, with Richard, my brain quit on me, and if you hadn’t been there, we wouldn’t have had any conversation at all.”

“Would you like to sit, or do you want to go back?”

“Let’s sit. You’re right about me needing to relax. Were people staring at us back there?”

“Your mom was, and so was Callie. I only noticed because they were standing together. Didn’t see if anyone else was, but I wasn’t really looking.”

“Damn.”

“Drake, come on. What’s it matter if someone was watching. That’s what family does. They knew it might be awkward, and were just concerned for you.”

“I suppose. I didn’t want it to be a spectacle, though.”

“And it wasn’t. Believe me, Richard and Bernadette looked more nervous than you did.”

“No way.”

“Yes way. Bernadette did most of the talking because Richard was too busy swallowing. His Adam’s apple was bobbing like crazy.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Here, sit down.” Jimmy sat on the bench and patted the space beside him.

Drake sat, and a small shiver shook his shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t know why that was so hard. It’s been fucking years.”

“Yes, but this weekend hasn’t just been about Richard, so give yourself a break. I remember running across my ex in a bar, a year after we parted ways. I was as angry then as I was when we broke up. I also felt just as hurt by what he did.”

“What did he do?”

“He cheated.”

“Oh, that’s rough.”

“It was. The worst thing is, I was the one he was cheating with, and I had no clue.”

“Ouch.”

“Yup. For six months I had no idea he already had a boyfriend. He found us together in the dorm… burst in at the worst time… and attacked me, physically and verbally… I didn’t know what the fuck was happening. He pushed me over a wooden storage chest… slammed my head on the floor, and one of his kicks broke my rib. It was brutal. I was on the floor, naked, in shock and pain, listening to the guy I thought was my boyfriend calling this stranger ‘honey,’ and saying how sorry he was.”

“Wow.”

“He told him I meant nothing to him… it was just sex… just fucking sex. I lay there bleeding and he didn’t even look at me.” Drake felt a slight jerk in the shoulder that touched his, but Jimmy’s voice was flat, holding little in the way of emotion. “I watched them walk out… got dressed and drove myself to the hospital.”

“Holy shit! That must have been horrible. How… how did he keep it a secret for so long? Gossip got around quick at my college.”

“Mine too, but the boyfriend went to a different one, and when Travis said he was going home on weekends, he was actually going to see James. Yup, same name… couldn’t mix us up that way,” he said ruefully, and Drake finally heard some pain. “Anyway, my point is, I think it’s hard for most of us when we’ve loved someone, and then cross paths again.”

“I guess.” Drake ruminated about this insight into his friend. Jimmy had integrity, and that would have been a double whammy. “I’m sorry you got screwed over like that.”

“It’s in the past now. I was a fool… ignored all the signs.”

“What signs?”

“Well, for one, he said I couldn’t visit his parents because their house was too small and it would be awkward. After a few months, I suggested we could get a hotel room and I’d pay, and he said the real reason was he wasn’t out to his family. I bought it, and didn’t even consider how he’d been lying to me all that time. And who the fuck visits their parents every single weekend when they’re in college? I only went home for the holidays like all the other students. Like I said, I was an idiot.”

“I don’t know what to say, Jimmy.”

“It’s okay. Long time ago, and it never would have lasted anyway.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I know myself better now than I did then, and Travis wasn’t the least bit affectionate. That’s something I need.”

“Oh.”

“You’re the same, you know.”

“Hey, I’m affectionate!”

“Of course you are. I meant you were the same as me, not Travis. You need affection too.”

“I… yeah, I do.”

“Drake?”

“Yeah?”

“Richard is walking this way.”

Drake’s head swiveled to look back up the path. “Damn. I don’t need this.”

“I think you do. You both do.”

“Easy for you to say,” Drake muttered.

“Actually, no it’s not. I never want to see you get hurt, but….”

“Sorry, that was uncalled for. I know you don’t.”

“Will you be okay if I leave you two to talk?”

“Looks like I don’t have a choice.”

“Yes, you do. I’ll stay if you want, or you can get up and come with me?”

“No”—he watched Richard moving closer—“it’s time I heard him out.”

Jimmy stood up, leaned down and kissed him.

The sweetness of it rattled Drake enough he stammered. “We’re getting way too good at playing this game.”

He received a small head shake and an enigmatic smile before Jimmy turned and walked away. He watched him stop and say something to Richard before continuing on.

 

*

As always, I thank Timothy M., my editor and friend, for all he does. I also want to thank you, the readers, for your support of this story and my writing. Please leave a comment on this chapter if you can. I love to hear your thoughts, good or bad. :) 
Copyright © 2018 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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On 4/3/2018 at 1:25 AM, deville said:

JimmyDean’s comments on the prejudices in the gay community are profound . They run as deeply and terribly and are as entrenched as those in other groups of people. There is no unconditional acceptance. Drake is so invested in his past hurt he doesn’t hear what JimmyDean is saying , doesn’t hear him say he has found the one person he could be happiest with and refuses to consider the implications of this for them. Maybe after the stress of the wedding he will be able to draw parallels with JimmyDeans experience with a gay man to his experience with a bisexual one. Drake does need closure and needs to stop running . 

Thanks, deville! Those prejudices are what shocked me the most when I entered the community. I thought it would be a wonderful place of acceptance, but it didn't take me long to see it wasn't the case. 

 

It would appear you're right that Drake isn't hearing Jimmy... but I think he is, and it scares him, so he fights it. When Jimmy told him at the pool that he'd been waiting and hoping, it had Drake reeling, and it made him feel even more guilty than he already did. The last thing he wants is to disappoint the man, but he's terrified of taking the chance Jimmy would do what Richard did. We see that as asinine, but Drake is trying to sort out too much at once, and he's staying in his walled up sanctuary. It isn't even 24 hours yet, and he's been bombarded with a lot of emotion... last night he had a panic/ anxiety attack, and I know from experience how that affects a person. Still, Drake has to stop running, as you say. And yeah, that big open wound needs to be closed. 

 

Thanks for leaving the great comment... and thanks for hanging in. I love the reaction these characters are causing. :D  Cheers... Gary.... 

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On 4/3/2018 at 3:18 AM, JeffreyL said:

Aaaaaaaaaarrgh!!! There, I got that off my chest. So many other comments reflect my feelings. Drake is becominy less and less of a sympathetic character. Jimmy must really love him to put up with the way he is being treated. In fact, I find it a little hard to believe Jimmy hasn't given up. I think I would have by now. Looking forward to the confrontation with Richard. Thanks.

Hey, Jeff! I think, or I would like to believe, that Jimmy knows Drake better than anyone, and he sees something worth hanging in for. Out hearts will lead us into some pretty tough territory. :)  I knew Drake would draw ire for not falling into the arms of a perfect and lovable man like Jimmy. He's letting preconceived notions decide his life, and we all know how stupid that is. But I'll go back to the start of this story, and the family breakdown that occurred at a time Drake needed them most. Richard became his family, and he lost that for reasons we all know. I can see why he has the fears he does. Is he being rational? Absolutely not... but he is being human. He lost Richard to a woman. That is what he knows. :(  

 

Richard is coming up, and we'll get his story. Maybe it will help... or maybe not... thanks for your support and comment, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/3/2018 at 4:40 AM, Job said:

Garry, as I wrote before I love this story! Jimmy is a real friend. I am looking forward to the next chapter to read about the conversation between Drake and Richard.
I am rooting for Drake and Jimmy!
 

Thank you, Job! Yes, Jimmy is an awesome friend, and he's trying his best to help Drake get through this weekend. The one thing left is the talk with Richard... maybe after that Drake will be able to sort himself out a bit. But, that's easier said than done... and Drake has his issues. It's coming up on Monday. I'm stoked to hear you love this story... I will continue to strive to make it worth your while. :D  Cheers, buddy... Gary.... 

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On 4/3/2018 at 4:47 AM, mfa607 said:

Great chapter!  Drake needs to stop and listen! Jimmy is bearing the cross of being just like Richard in Drake’s  eyes.  I’m thinking that maybe Drake  would find faults with any guy almost, he was so hurt. 

 

Thank you! 

Hey, mfa!  You could be right that he'd find fault with any guy. We know Drake was ready to go all in with Jimmy after their third date, and that was the first time since Richard. We also know he wasn't willing to commit to Dean... because of residual feelings for Jimmy, he's finally admitted to himself. So, in all this time, he's kept walls up. 

 

He did finally stop and listen to Jimmy before Richard showed up at the bench... we'll find out if he can actually listen to his original ex... it's not a given. :) 

 

Thanks so much for your engagement with the story... see you Monday, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/3/2018 at 6:21 AM, Bndmetl said:

Noooooooooooo!!! Why Gary, why? I'm not a patient person, I'll be chomping at the bit for a whole week now.

Actually, I lie, I'll be at the bar hitting on Jimmy. Margarita anyone?

LOL Sorry, Joh... kind of. :)  Good luck with Jimmy. He might need some consoling about now. :P  I'll take one of those... I need a drink... cheers, my friend... Monday is almost here. :D  Thanks for the support... Gary....

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On 4/3/2018 at 1:46 PM, droughtquake said:

An Avoidance Personality! That’s me! Even when I panic, I shut down rather than deal with the problem! My best friends don’t think I’m panicking because I’m not running around in circles!  ;-)

I don’t mean that I thought Richard was royalty, I should have used this example instead. A Gay friend of mine and his straight female roommate were feeling their biological clocks ticking. She knew he was Gay when they became roommates. They both wanted kids and weren’t having success dating (a critical difference from Richard). They decided to see if he could ‘perform’ with a woman. It worked and they got married and have at least two kids. His other Gay friends rejected him for his ‘betrayal’ and I was one of the few who remained friendly (although we drifted apart over the decades). He still identifies as Gay even though he appears to be straight or at least bi with the wife and kids.  ;-)

Many of us have one of those avoidance personalities... it's a fallback for me sometimes, when I've had enough. :) 

 

I know you didn't. :) The one thing I've learned in my life that it is different strokes for different folks. Who are we to judge others. Different isn't better or worse... just different. That is an interesting example of how we all take our own path in life, and as long as he's happy, who the hell cares. Cheers, buddy, and thanks... Gary....

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On 4/3/2018 at 1:47 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

Can I just say, after rereading this chapter, I was struck by how similar this situation is to another story's: Lit's Unforgivable. :) In her story, the main character, Corey, doesn't like cheaters. Why?

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[Spoiler Warning]

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Because his father's infidelity has made Corey look down on any and all cheaters. However, in Unforgivable, Corey rekindles a friendship with Jase (a man who had cheated on one of Corey's best friends). Not only does Corey have to look beyond Jase's past mistake, he also has to stop seeing him as being just like his dad.

 

Now, in this story, after what happened with Richard, Drake has developed a distrust of bisexual men. And that has impacted his relationship with Jimmy, who isn't even bisexual! When Drake looks at Jimmy, he sees another Richard waiting to happen. Like Corey holding cheating against Jase, Drake is holding bisexuality against Jimmy. 

 

What these two stories show is that people do develop hangups that negatively effect their lives, whether those hangups are cheating, bisexuality, or something else.

Now, I just need to wait for each Monday to see Drake (hopefully) overcome his hangups.

 

PS: Due to the reaction towards Drake, I can't help but look at another story by Lit... Choices. It reminds me so much of how Alek was initially treated by readers, lol.

Thanks, Drew. I see what you mean. The driving force for this story was the prejudice I witnessed and experienced when I first entered the community. So yeah, you're right that Drake has a distrust for (gay) men who sleep with women. He transfers his fears and perceptions to Jimmy, and that is similar to what Corey did with Jason.

Spoiler

<it didn't help that Jase cheated on Corey's friend, or that he lived an open lifestyle> 

 

This is, as you say, a story about how we hide behind our pain, and put up walls that are supposed to protect us, but end up doing the opposite. Even if Jimmy is bisexual, it doesn't mean he wouldn't make a great and loyal partner. He so obviously loves Drake. 

 

This reaction Drake has gotten reminds me of the one towards Tobyn in Morningstar. :)  And I stuck up for Alek from the beginning. :yes:  Cheers, and thanks for the thoughtful comment, buddy... Gary....

Edited by Headstall
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On 4/3/2018 at 2:16 PM, spikey582 said:

 

Well, you may have a point about audience reaction to Drake being similar to Alek.  However, while I was firmly rooting for a Alek from the beginning, I’m not quite there yet for Drake.  I was very sympathetic toward Drake initially.  But at this point he hasn’t earned Jimmy yet.

Fair enough, Buddy. :)  And I was an Alek supporter too. The difference here, between the two, is that Alec was the one who was kept at arms length after some initial 'mistakes.' Thanks, spikey... :D 

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On 4/3/2018 at 2:27 PM, Drew Espinosa said:

Oh, I agree, Spikey. Alek was polarizing to readers, while our reaction to Drake is near unanimous.

 

While I'm certainly unhappy with Drake right now, I just have to remember that there was a reason Jimmy and Drake went on that first date. There was a spark, and Jimmy saw something in Drake to pursue him despite Drake being an ass-hat. I'm hoping Jimmy can get through Drake's hangups, because from what we saw in earlier chapters, those two can really work together.

 

But, in the meantime, it looks like Drake will continue to have his head stuck in the place where the sun don't shine.

Stay tuned :P  And the asshat is Preston, remember? :) 

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1 hour ago, Headstall said:

Hey, Buddy. It's all right to feel conflicted, so don't feel uneasy to say so. Drake is an imperfect character and a product of his experiences. This is proving to be a weekend of upheaval and change for him, and he is all over the place with his reactions. What he is most guilty of is lashing out at Jimmy's attempts to convince him, and putting him in Richard's category. That's because he's scared, not cruel. He's terrified of getting hurt again, by a situation he views as the same as the one with Richard. At least they are talking about the hard stuff... something Drake has a giant tendency to avoid. He kept his earlier word to Jimmy in that respect.

 

I make no promises, but Drake knows how great a guy Jimmy is, and he's in a position to be reminded of that minute by minute. Remember, this is their fist time in such close quarters since they went their separate ways, and Jimmy is getting to him. The biggest dilemma is he needs his friend. Drake is fighting it because of what we see as irrational, but he is in self defense mode. This is probably not the best time to be faced with this, but here they are, and Drake still has a mountain to climb named Richard. I'm not going to tell you to cut him some slack. What I hope for is that he will be understood... to err is human after all. :)  Cheers, my friend... I never want you to be anything but honest when you read my stuff... sorry it's taking me so long to respond... cheers... G-Man.... xoxoxoxo :hug: 

 

Bloodied And Broken was a great title in many ways as it put me in a similar if less dramatic spot.  :)

As long as Drake is willing to keep the lines of communication open, then I'm good...I can't imagine what excuse Richard will have, but I too will keep my mind open.  Not everyone can face reality with calm and reason.  :P

Honesty--always and forever my dear!  :kiss:

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On 4/3/2018 at 7:03 PM, FanLit said:

I'm reading the comments that put Drake in the bad corner and I get it, to a point.

 I don't view him as an unsympathetic character, I view him as someone who's finally facing the elephant that's been in his living room for two years.  

This would have been a tough situation for anyone to deal with;  Due to his upbringing, Drake lacks the coping skills to deal with this at all, let alone with support.  I think he would've been oblivious and insensitive to anyone with him at this point, that it's Jimmy makes it intolerable for us because we see clearly what Drake can't-they should be together.  It's easy to take such unconditional support for granted and unfortunately, he does.

Drake is being a shithead, no doubt.  Remember tho, Jimmy wants this conversation between him and Drake and he want the confrontation between Drake and Richard-

1/ His convo with Drake has been shut down every time it came up since their break up.

2/ Drake's break up with Richard was the most traumatic thing to ever happen to him, it altered the way he viewed and handled future relationships.  If Drake can get a positive resolution to that via a conversation with Richard, Jimmy wants that for Drake.

 Neither of these conversations were going to be pleasant, to intermingle them, (as what happened at the bench) was nitro meeting glycerin.

The waters always get murky when you drudge the gunk up from the bottom.  It has to get messy tho in order to resettle, hopefully for the better.

Thanks, FanLit!  I like your read on the situation. I don't consider Drake unsympathetic... frustrating as hell, yes, but if we look past the reactions spurred by fear, it's easy to see how much he cares for Jimmy. He only just learned a few hours ago the depth of Jimmy's feelings for him. We could say he was an idiot not to know, but Jimmy spent time convincing him he didn't have to worry about mixed messages on the trip before Drake agreed to his plan. We know Drake had reservations, and now he's in the middle of it. 

 

I don't want to defend him so much as explain how I see him. You really help here in doing that. Yes, the bench scene was their first real tackling of the issues, and it was like nitro meeting glycerin... love how you described it. :D  Jimmy stirred that gunk, and I think he was prepared for the reaction he got, as much as he could be. He asked for the talk, and Drake's pain is back near the surface again with Richard looming. Life isn't always pretty... and Drake's hasn't been. They did get to finish their talk, sortof, as Drake promised. I was proud of Drake for that. But now Richard has arrived... :huh: 

 

This was just wonderful, my platonic friend :)  Cheers and gratitude... Gary....

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On 4/4/2018 at 10:24 AM, everett Weedin jr said:

What a beautiful chapter.  The first exchange between Drake and Jimmy on the bench is yet another one of your exquisitely, achingly, tensely composed conversations--Jimmy trying so hard, kindly, and in restated ("rewritten") iterations to help and love Drake , and Drake repeatedly mishearing and rebuffing him.  Much pain between them and for us readers.  The passage that begins "Jimmy looked taken aback..." is especially affecting to me.  And "Drake turned his head, and stared into compassionate green" is such a splendid transforming of an adjective into a noun.  They are even placed by you on a golf course!

 

Thank you for another fine chapter. 

What a lovely comment to read, everett! I wanted it to come across as you tell me you saw it, so thank you for giving validation to my goal. I do love writing dialogue, so your kind words mean a lot.  

 

Yes, there was much pain... messy, harsh, and honest pain. This made my day when I first read it... it does still. Cheers, and many thanks, my friend... Gary....

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18 hours ago, Bucket1 said:

I’m not rewriting the story just exploring some wild speculation :P I liked my other speculation better, Preston ended up with a bloody nose :gikkle:

 

Yes I would pick Drake over Preston but Jimmy wins hands down. Drake doesn’t want to address the real issues although he does want closure, doesn’t want closure, does want closure with Richard. He will not be able to truely open his heart to Jimmy until he gets over Richard leaving him.

 

Both Preston and Drake are suffering the side effects of “betrayal”, and taking it out on the people they care about. While I understand where they are coming from, it is not nice for those around them.

 

I would lean towards you having done something right

Yeah, that scene would have worked for me too. :)  Preston with a bloodied anything... :D 

 

No doubt Jimmy is the star of the story. I see Drake as a tragic figure, nursing his pain and running from life. I get him. You're right... he needs closure... desperately.

 

Great point about the betrayal both brothers are dealing with in their unproductive, self-harming ways. Just excellent!

 

Thanks for leaning right. :P  :D  And thanks for all the support you give me, my dear friend... Cheers... Gary.... :hug: 

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14 minutes ago, ColumbusGuy said:

 

Bloodied And Broken was a great title in many ways as it put me in a similar if less dramatic spot.  :)

As long as Drake is willing to keep the lines of communication open, then I'm good...I can't imagine what excuse Richard will have, but I too will keep my mind open.  Not everyone can face reality with calm and reason.  :P

Honesty--always and forever my dear!  :kiss:

As you get from me for you wonderful story, Jay and Miles. My intention with that title was for it to apply to both these men. Literally, for what Jimmy went through with his ex, and comparatively, for the mess Drake is in, and went through at roughly the same time. I never thought of it applying to the readers. :(  

 

Drake did finally talk, and he did listen... how much good it does we don't yet know. No, reality isn't always met with calm and reason, and life isn't always wrapped in a pretty bow. Imperfect characters populate this story, and that is why Jimmy stands out and shines for us so brightly. 

 

Thank you, dear friend. You rock! xoxoxoxoxoxo

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5 hours ago, Headstall said:

As you get from me for you wonderful story, Jay and Miles. My intention with that title was for it to apply to both these men. Literally, for what Jimmy went through with his ex, and comparatively, for the mess Drake is in, and went through at roughly the same time. I never thought of it applying to the readers. :(  

 

Drake did finally talk, and he did listen... how much good it does we don't yet know. No, reality isn't always met with calm and reason, and life isn't always wrapped in a pretty bow. Imperfect characters populate this story, and that is why Jimmy stands out and shines for us so brightly. 

 

Thank you, dear friend. You rock! xoxoxoxoxoxo

 

As long as the rock is closer to Bill Haley or the Beatles than Snoop Dog.  :P

Edited by ColumbusGuy
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16 minutes ago, ColumbusGuy said:

 

As long as the rock is closer to Bill Haley or the Beatles than Snoop Dog.  :P

I was thinking more along the lines of The Who or Queen. :P ... oh... or maybe Ricky Nelson. :D  He was soooo dreamy :) 

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3 hours ago, Headstall said:

I was thinking more along the lines of The Who or Queen. :P ... oh... or maybe Ricky Nelson. :D  He was soooo dreamy :) 

 

Oh, gotta love all those people!  Ricky was the main reason I watched reruns of Ozzie and Harriet, and his voice wasn't bad either. :)  Dang, now I gotta see if I can find that show online....

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14 minutes ago, ColumbusGuy said:

 

Oh, gotta love all those people!  Ricky was the main reason I watched reruns of Ozzie and Harriet, and his voice wasn't bad either. :)  Dang, now I gotta see if I can find that show online....

Oh yeah, Ricky was talented for sure. As were Roger Daltrey and Freddie Mercury as lead singers. Ozzie and Harriet was a staple for me growing up. :) 

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Jimmy is a good guy, but I'm not feeling sorry for him. He has made the decision to pursue a relationship with Drake even though he knows it's uphill. I think he should have stayed for the talk with Richard, so he could point out when Drake stopped listening. I can't help wondering whether Richard was always thinking of Bernadette when he talked about the future and having children, but Drake simply heard what he wanted to hear.

I think Drake is broken and he's at fault for not dealing with his issues when he freaked out about Jimmy having had casual sex with women. But I don't see him as a bad guy and he is trying to be honest about how he feels. Ii seems as if he hasn't had a best friend who wasn't also a lover, so when his world fell apart, he did not have anywhere to turn or anyone to talk to. His ability to trust people was destroyed by his parents and Richard, and his self-worth was trashed by Preston. He may not ever work his way out of this quagmire, and he'll lose more than Jimmy, who'll eventually find someone else to love.

Closure - yeah, I'm not keen on that idea either. But telling Richard how he destroyed someone who loved him, and thus make him feel guilty, sounds like justifiable karma. :evil: 

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On 4/6/2018 at 3:12 PM, Timothy M. said:

Jimmy is a good guy, but I'm not feeling sorry for him. He has made the decision to pursue a relationship with Drake even though he knows it's uphill. I think he should have stayed for the talk with Richard, so he could point out when Drake stopped listening. I can't help wondering whether Richard was always thinking of Bernadette when he talked about the future and having children, but Drake simply heard what he wanted to hear.

I think Drake is broken and he's at fault for not dealing with his issues when he freaked out about Jimmy having had casual sex with women. But I don't see him as a bad guy and he is trying to be honest about how he feels. Ii seems as if he hasn't had a best friend who wasn't also a lover, so when his world fell apart, he did not have anywhere to turn or anyone to talk to. His ability to trust people was destroyed by his parents and Richard, and his self-worth was trashed by Preston. He may not ever work his way out of this quagmire, and he'll lose more than Jimmy, who'll eventually find someone else to love.

Closure - yeah, I'm not keen on that idea either. But telling Richard how he destroyed someone who loved him, and thus make him feel guilty, sounds like justifiable karma. :evil: 

Hey, Tim! I like the point you make here. Jimmy knew what he was up against, and he knows Drake. He's been a rock for Drake over the last 24 hours, but he's also been a reminder to Drake, of both good and bad. Drake feels a lot of pressure, and he's not comfortable with carrying on a charade... it hits too close to home at a time he faces challenges. 

 

Jimmy did offer to stay for the talk with Richard... Drake turned him down. I think he's been feeling enough of a child and it's making things worse. Freaking about about Jimmy sleeping with women has as much to do with Drake not understanding it as much as anything else, and yeah, that's his own damn fault for running and not listening. I'm so pleased you see his honesty, though. He's a very honest guy in a tough situation. And yes, who could he turn to when Richard ended things? Callie, his kid sister? Certainly not his parents or his older brother, and not a circle of friends that included Richard. Breakups are often tough in that regard. I like how you describe his isolation. :) 

 

I'm not big on closure either. It's so elusive as to not exist. But understanding the whys is another story. Drake needs some answers. We'll see whether Richard can provide any. Cheers, and thanks, my friend... Gary....

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5 hours ago, Kitt said:

Good lord! These two are already married. They just don't know it yet!

LOL Hey, Kitt! What can I say except :X  :P ... they certainly are  doing a dance. Where will all these conversations lead? One more :X  . Thanks, Kitt, good to have you back. Cheers... Gary.... :hug:  

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Boy, Drake is frustrating. He sees everything in black and white and has no self-esteem. He seems to live in perpetual pitty, anger, and closed mindedness. Yet despite that all I still like him and really hope he grows as much as his mother has.   Strong chapter here! 

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9 minutes ago, Potterslashfan said:

Boy, Drake is frustrating. He sees everything in black and white and has no self-esteem. He seems to live in perpetual pitty, anger, and closed mindedness. Yet despite that all I still like him and really hope he grows as much as his mother has.   Strong chapter here! 

Yay! I'm glad you found it a strong chapter, and even more glad you still manage to like Drake despite how frustrating he can be. I tried to impart a little balance with him, but it's hard when he is being judgmental and stubborn. I don't want to shine his bigotry against bisexuality in a good light, no matter what the reason for it. Good point on Dot's growth. Maybe there is hope... however small. :)  

 

Thanks so much, Potterslashfan... you rock... :D  Cheers... Gary....

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Ok, so to be more precise, I marked my reaction as “Angry” but really it was as a  substitute for “Frustrated” — as in frustrated with Drake. I can see Drake’s point of view, but with all of Jimmy’s patient support, I want to see Drake’s willingness to listen trending more in the right direction. 

 

Now that I’ve vented a bit, I should say I agree with Caz that Drake does need time to process everything. Furthermore, seeing another point of view when it hits so close to home is rarely easy — or fast. 

 

Also resonating with me was Gary’s comment about the intensity of the weekend being a necessary catalyst for Jimmy & Drake to resolve their issues. Clearly, Jimmy had tried to have the talk(s), but Drake was too closed off.  Without all of this other drama, who knows how long it would have taken. 

 

Another wonderful story, Gary, and my current frustration is evidence of your skill. Kudos!

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