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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Exes and Ohs - 7. Chapter 7 Another Man's Shoes

Evolution.

                                                                                                                                                                 ***

 

“Hey.”

Drake stood up as Richard approached. “Hey.”

“Is this okay? I didn’t mean to intrude.”

“You didn’t.” The sun was low on his left side, and it highlighted the amber eyes of the man who faced it, showing stark uncertainty. Drake felt no inclination to put him at ease.

“Will you sit and talk with me?”

“About what?”

“Us… what happened.”

“Do you really think that’s necessary?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?” Drake was finding he could hold the eye contact, and that fact calmed him.

“Jeez, I don’t know, Drake. I think we need—”

“If you say closure, I’m going to scream.” He softened his words with the smallest of smiles.

“Fair enough. Look, I have a good life, and I’m a lucky man in so many ways, but how we left things—the way I hurt you—it’s something that haunts me to this day.”

“So you think a few words will change that?”

“Honestly, I don’t know, but maybe. I’d like to try and explain, and you didn’t want to hear anything I had to say back then.”

“Fuck, do you blame me?” It came out sharp and angry, but Drake didn’t care.

“No, absolutely not. I know you think I screwed you over, but—”

“Because you did. You did screw me over!” He sat down hard, leaning forward with his head bent down toward his knees and his hands gripping the back of his neck.

“Are you okay?”

Drake’s head slowly rose. “No. I’m pissed. Quite frankly, I don’t give a shit that you’ve been feeling haunted.”

“I am so sorry.”

“Sorry? We talked about marriage and kids and everything else under the sun, but in all that time together you couldn’t manage to tell me you were bisexual? It’s great you’re sorry, though,” he said sarcastically.

He edged as far away as he could when Richard sat down beside him, and neither man said a word for a long minute.

“At the time, I really thought that’s how our lives would go, you know? That we would get married and build a life together.”

“Right… and what, keep your true nature hidden from me?”

“No… no… figuring out that stuff was a real struggle for me, I swear.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it was,” he said with more sarcasm. “I remember our last time together, before you ripped my heart out… do you?”

“Of course I do. I’ll never forget it.”

“Okay, then answer me this. How could you have been so fucking romantic, and tell me over and over how much you loved me—then two days later tell me we had no future and, oh yeah, you were in love with Bernadette? You strung me along like a fucking fool. I don’t know how you could do that when you knew… you fucking knew!”

“I did love you, Drake… and I needed to say it then, as often as I could, while I still had the chance. I was running out of time because I knew you’d never want to hear those words from me again. I’d planned to come clean about everything the next day, and that was my last chance. I… I wanted us to have one last day where I could pretend I didn’t have to let you go.”

“Let me go? Fuck you, Richard. You mean dump me.”

“It’s not how it felt to me,” Richard protested feebly.

“Whatever… it was a cruel thing to do, letting me think everything was great when you fucking knew we were done. And you didn’t tell me the next day.”

“No, I chickened out and stayed in my dorm. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn’t… it’s why I told you I wasn’t feeling well. I went through hell that day… I didn’t speak to anyone after I called you. I know how it looked, but I wasn’t stringing you along, and I didn’t mean to be cruel—”

“You can justify what you did it if helps you sleep at night, but don’t expect me too. And I don’t believe you ever really loved me.”

“Fuck, Drake, I loved you so much, and I still care about you… I always will.”

He didn’t respond, other than to shake his head in disbelief. It didn’t make sense. He’d made a choice, and it hadn’t been Drake.

“You don’t understand—”

“No, I don’t, so make me understand. Explain to me how my gay boyfriend fell in love with a woman while he was with me, and then threw me away with no warning whatsoever. Fucking explain that! Then again, don’t bother.” He started to stand up when a hand on his arm stopped him.

“Please, Drake. Let me at least try. I get why you hate me, but this may be the only chance we get.”

He hesitated, and slowly sat back down. He pictured Jimmy’s face, and the expression his friend would wear if he returned in this state of mind. “Go ahead. Give it a shot.” His voice had lost its disgusted edge, at least for the moment.

“Thank you. I… I didn’t know what was happening to me back then. Out of the blue, I started dreaming about women, and—”

“When you were with me?” he asked, interrupting.

“No, I don’t think so, at least not at first. Just when we spent nights in our own dorm rooms. The first few times, I thought it was no big deal. Mostly it was just body parts.”

“What, like boobs and pussy?” Drake couldn’t help feeling mortified. “Is that what you were thinking of when we were having sex?”

“Drake, no. Never. And it started out as things like a woman’s neck or throat, and lips… soft skin. I only thought about you when we were together, I swear. It was just dreams at first, but when it started happening more and more, I began to freak out. Remember when I talked to you about trying to get into the same dorm room?”

It took a moment for Drake to recall what Richard was talking about. “Yeah, I remember. The registrar said it couldn’t be done so late in the year, I think.”

“Exactly. Well, that was why I wanted to do it. I thought the dreams would stop if we slept together every night. I realize now they wouldn’t have, but, like I said, I was freaking out, especially when the body parts became girls at school… and then Bernadette.”

“Your old girlfriend,” Drake said softly. “The one who hooked up with Brian and dropped you over the phone. The one you said you hated.”

While blowing out a big breath, Richard said, “Yes.”

“As soon as you dreamt about her or any other girl in that way, you should have told me.”

“You’re right, but I told myself it was only dreams, and I didn’t understand what they meant. With Bernadette, I figured it was because we had two classes together and had started talking again. I thought I was getting, I don’t know… mixed up with memories of her and me back when we were together. I loved you so much.”

Drake huffed at the audacity. “Not as much as Bernadette it turned out.”

“That’s not true, but I don’t expect you to accept that.”

“If it's not, why was I the one to lose?”

“That’s the thing, Drake. As happy as I am with my life, I lost too.”

“Yeah, right,” he scoffed.

Richard hung his head in a gesture of defeat.

“Okay. So what made you decide I wasn’t who you wanted anymore?” He peered at the man as his head came back up.

“It wasn’t like that. I saw a therapist when it got too intense to ignore. She told me my sexuality was evolving, and it was something she'd seen a number of times.”

“When? When did you see a therapist?”

“Between classes on Wednesdays, at the Student Care building. I saw her some Fridays too. I wanted to tell you, but I was afraid of losing you.”

“What the hell did she mean?”

“It’s hard to explain it all.”

“Isn’t that why I’m still sitting here?”

“Yeah, it is, and I’m trying. Basically, she said because I was never interested in, or even looked at any guy other than you, my feelings likely had little to do with your gender.”

“I’m confused. So, you were bisexual?”

“Look… no. It’s not about labels, but if I was bi, maybe we could have worked. Anyway, she said it was possible to love someone of the same sex and still be straight. My true sexuality was exerting itself, and I could try to suppress it, but she didn’t recommend it… it would win out eventually.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I didn’t either for a while.” He exhaled loudly, and then swallowed a few times. Drake noticed his hands were trembling, but no sympathy arose. “Damn, Drake. This is hard. I know I’m doing a piss poor job of explaining. I wish I had taken you with me when I started seeing her. She suggested it, but I was terrified of you walking away from me.”

“I might have, but that was my decision to make, not yours. You had no right.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s your third sorry, and it means nothing to me. So, your sexuality was exerting itself… you mean you were becoming straight?”

“It took me a while to come to that conclusion, but yeah.”

“And how did you finally reach that conclusion?”

“A lot of things, Drake. I started noticing women when I was awake. I tried to convince myself I was fixating, and worrying too much, but I remembered what it was like to make love to them. They were having a constant effect on me.”

“Yet you were still having sex with me.” He shook his head in disgust.

“Yes, and it made me feel so guilty to have those thoughts, but honestly, I had no control over them. As much as I fought it, nothing worked. I must have wished them away a million times.”

“And you’re saying I was the only guy you’ve ever been interested in sexually?”

“Yes.”

“Lucky me,” he spat out bitterly. “How do you know you won’t be interested in some guy in the future?”

“I just know.”

“Like when you knew you were gay?”

“It happens more than you think, Drake. Sandra, my therapist, said it happens a lot where people fall in love with someone of the same sex, especially when they are young, but that’s not the gender they’re wired for. It’s the same as men who think they’re straight, but turn out gay. It’s called latent sexuality, and can happen at any time in a person’s life.”

“I know what latent is, but, fuck… we were together for so long.” He stood up and moved a couple of steps away, trying to stem those resurging feelings of betrayal. “You and Bernadette, how did that happen? You were sleeping with both of us?”

Richard stayed seated. “I’m not proud of it, but yes, we did sleep together once before I told you. I had to be sure, Drake… it was the final piece for me.”

Even after all this time, hearing those words hurt, but he made himself stand there and hear the man out.

“Bernadette and I had been talking for a couple of months… Sandra encouraged it because she said it would help me clarify stuff. It turned out Bernadette had always regretted what she’d done. She was going to try to win me back when she found out about you and me. She… backed away.”

“That’s so sweet of her. Sounds like a fucking fairy tale.”

“Drake—”

“Look, I’m not trying to be an ass. This is not a pleasant thing to be reliving. Fuck!” The urge to run got stronger, but he forced himself to stay put.

“You have every reason to hate me. I had no right to keep you in the dark. I was selfish, and I was a coward.”

“Fucking right I have every reason—you were a bastard to handle it the way you did. All this was happening behind my back, and I was the last to know when I should have been the first.”

Richard nodded, and Drake saw his shame. “I can second guess how I did what I did, and I do all the time, but yeah, you were the last to know. Drake?”

He met the man’s gaze, but said nothing.

“I know it’s no excuse, but I didn’t want to give in. I didn’t want to give you up.” The man looked truly shaken now.

“And yet you did.”

“It was the best thing I could do for you. I know it didn’t seem like it at the time, not really even to me, but I have no doubts now I did the right thing. But, fuck it hurt.”

“It hurt? Yeah, okay… if you say so… I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt there, but you had Bernadette. I had no one.”

“I know, I know, and I didn’t have a clue how you were doing because you wouldn’t talk to me. I asked around, but you weren’t talking to anyone.”

“Christ, Richard! Did you really expect me to?”

He dropped his head down and shook it before he softly uttered, “To me, no.”

“You have no idea how much you messed me up.”

“I wanted to be there for you, Drake, I really did. I kept hoping you would reach out, but…. That whole next year I hated myself. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy, and it almost ended Bernadette and me.

“She kept getting frustrated, and we fought a lot… I was trying to punish myself, but all I ended up doing was hurting her. Finally, I snapped out of it, thanks to more therapy. I was lucky she stuck with me through it all. She never gave up, despite me being a dick at times.”

Drake turned around, away from Richard, trying to calm down as he looked out over the darkening golf course. He was tired of being angry. “Doesn’t she worry you’ll… revert?”

“Revert?” Richard sounded surprised. “No, I don’t think so. She was worried at the beginning, when we first started talking, but Sandra helped her understand. She explained it all to her over the course of a few weeks, and it all began to fall into place for both of us.”

“You took her to see your therapist.” Drake turned to face him again, snorting at the same time. It didn’t seem fair, but none of this did.

“Yes, I did.” He had the decency to look guilty before he continued. “That was at Sandra’s urging too. But, and this is important for you to understand—I had to let you go even if there was no Bernadette. I wasn’t what you deserved.”

Drake studied the man, and saw the naked honesty on a face he knew well. “Well, that sounds noble.” He sighed and sat back down. What did it all matter now?

“It’s not noble at all. Once I was certain, I couldn’t live a lie.”

“Isn’t that what you were already doing?”

Richard nodded, and he looked miserable doing so. “Be honest, Drake. If there was no Bernadette, and I’d told you I was sexually attracted to women, how long would we have lasted? How long before trust would have been an issue?”

“It would have been a deal breaker for me.”

“And I knew that.”

Drake sighed. He’d heard enough. They’d been doomed from the start, and Richard was right to call himself selfish. He’d deserved better from the man. “Don’t you need to get back to your pregnant wife? Does she know you’re out here talking to me?”

“She does. I tell her everything. She pushed me to go find you and try to make things right. I’m not the only one who feels guilty, and you know she always liked you back when our group hung out together.”

Yeah, talking about his one-time friendship with Richard’s wife was not a place he wanted to go. It had ended the first time Richard asked him out. “Well, I should get back. Dean’s a worrier.”

“He seems like a nice guy, and he’s handsome. You two look good together… like you’re really in love.”

“You think so?” Drake cringed and looked away quickly as he thought of their charade and how convincing it was.

“Aren’t you? Is something wrong?”

“No, nothing’s wrong. Why are you asking me that?”

“Sorry, but your expression changed and—”

“I have trust issues, and they get in the way.” It was as honest a response as he could give.

“I’m sorry. That’s my fault, isn’t it?”

“What do you want me to say, Richard? It is what it is… love isn’t always enough.”

“No, I guess not. It wasn’t enough for us, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for you guys. Our situation was a lot different.”

Was it? If Richard only knew. He needed some time to think. “Dean’s a great guy, the best, and he’ll be wondering if I’m okay.”

“It’s easy to see how much you mean to him.”

This conversation was heading into territory he didn’t want to go. Pretending to be a couple was becoming more uncomfortable by the minute. He wished… ah, he wasn’t sure what he wished anymore. Drake rubbed his hands together, not knowing how to respond.

“Okay, well thank you for hearing me out. Did it change anything for you?”

“I don’t know if it did, but I guess talking was a good idea. I still think you went about it all wrong. I deserved honesty from the beginning… but… I won’t make light of what you went through even if I don’t fully understand it.”

“Do you still hate me?”

“I… I’m not as angry. I hated what you did to me, but it sounds like it wasn’t easy for you either. You know me, and the one thing that hasn’t changed is how I take my time working through stuff.”

“I understand, and that’s as much as I can ask for.”

Drake was reminded of Jimmy’s words earlier that day at the pool. He’d said basically the same thing.

They sat for another minute before Richard spoke again. “I should go. Bernadette will probably want to get home. She wouldn’t have missed seeing her favorite cousin get married, but she tires easily.”

Drake nodded in the fading light, and stood up. “Rocco’s lucky to have a girl like Rachel.”

“Yeah, he is, and he knows it. Do you think I could have a hug?”

“Um, sure.”

Richard always gave great hugs, and this time was no different. Drake never expected to find himself in this man’s arms again, yet here he was, and the scent of him was shockingly familiar.

It was surreal, and it got even more so when after loosening his grip, Richard leaned in and kissed him. It was light and chaste, but when he followed up with another one immediately, Drake felt something different as lips moved across his in a real kiss.

He stepped away immediately, glaring at widened eyes of troubled amber. “What the hell was that?”

Richard faltered, and remorse spread across his face. “Oh, God. I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry. Oh, God.”

Drake took in the ashen color change, noticeable even in the fading light, and was surprised he finally felt some sympathy for his ex. “It’s okay. Calm down. It was unexpected, but it’s not like you assaulted me or anything.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have, so why the fuck did you?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t?” Drake asked, challenging the man.

“Okay… I guess I do. Having you in my arms again felt good. I miss you, Drake… I love my wife, and I would never betray her, but you’re still in my heart.” The anguish he displayed sure looked genuine. “I’m sorry I got carried away.”

Drake absorbed the brevity of his declaration, wondering at how much weight he could place on Richard’s earlier words. Was his sexual identity really resolved? Was Bernadette going to have her world torn apart sometime in the future like his had been? Sighing, he felt the weight of the day descend on him. “It’s all right. No harm done.”

“Can I just ask… do you still feel anything for me?”

Drake was taken aback at both the question, and the fact Richard was asking it. What the hell was going on with him? He sighed once more, meeting an indecipherable gaze. This man had been his world for years, and he decided he would give him an answer, even if he wasn’t sure he deserved one. Maybe he needed it for his own closure. “You were the love of my life once, Richard, but you aren’t anymore. I do want you to be happy, I suppose, but that’s all that’s left for you in my heart.”

Now the man looked sheepish… and something else Drake couldn’t quite read. “That’s what I thought. I am happy, and I want the same for you. Can I… would it be all right if I text you once in a while? Keep in touch, maybe?”

Another question Drake hadn’t expected. Was Richard expecting complete absolution? He had to bite back the urge to tell him to fuck off. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“Okay, I understand.” He looked down, but not before Drake saw his disappointment.

He instantly felt petty, and his traitorous mouth spoke in spite of his brain’s reservations. “We could try it, I guess.”

Richard's head rose. “Really? Thanks. I promise I won’t bug you, but I was thinking I could text you a picture of our daughter once she’s born, if you want?”

“Daughter?”

“Yeah, no one else has been told, but there’s no harm in you knowing. Besides, because of today, she’ll be your distant cousin by marriage.” A tentative smile appeared.

“She will?”

“Yeah, I think so. Your cousin married Bernadette’s cousin, so….”

“Oh, right. I don’t know how that works.”

“Me neither, to tell you the truth.” He smiled again, this time a little broader.

“Anyway, congratulations on having a girl. You always did say you wanted a daughter. I’m glad you got your wish.” Drake was pleased to realize he actually meant it… and felt no bitterness whatsoever. Richard would be a good father.

“Thanks. We’re going to call her Olivia… still discussing the middle name, though.”

“Pretty name. Yes, I would like a picture of her.”

“Okay, then I’ll make sure you get one. Thank you, Drake. It means a lot that you were willing to hear me out. If you ever need anything, or someone to talk to—”

“Take care, Richard,” he said quickly, interrupting, and effectively dismissing him. One thing he was sure of… his ex would be the last person Drake would ever turn to, or confide in. He watched as the man turned and walked away, slowly at first, before picking up the pace. He wondered again about the kiss, and what it really meant. Was Richard in denial? If he was a betting man, he’d be tempted put money on that being the case.

 

 

*

Thank you to my editor, Timothy M., for all he does. Thanks as well to all the readers for your engagement with, and support of, this story. Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts on this chapter if you can. Cheers... Gary....
Copyright © 2018 Headstall; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

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On 4/9/2018 at 9:39 PM, FanLit said:

" I… I wanted us to have one last day where I could pretend I didn’t have to let you go.”

“Let me go? Fuck you, Richard. You mean dump me.”

 

And then he kisses him?!?!

I am not dismissing what's his name's journey, but the bottom line is he handled it badly and someone he "loved" got hurt because of it.  

Even if his therapist was correct and his love for Drake defied gender, all that business that went on at the end of the discussion should not have happened.  Then to ask Drake if he still had feelings for him?  Why?  Would you leave your pregnant wife to get back with Drake?

He is still confused and he is still wrong, in my opinion but I guess Drake still needed to have that discussion.  So no sympathy for Dick from me- No. Nope. Nada.

Drake is a bigger person than me to accept occasional contact from Penis, um, I mean Dick.  I think if they kept in touch he would try to get back with him again.  He may have had extensive therapy but he is still confused.

In spite of my intense dislike of Dick (well that dick, anyway) it was a marvelous chapter, Gary.  One issue down for Drake, one more to go.

Cheers, my platonic friend.  🍺 :hug:

You know, Drake dreaded this meeting with his ex, and we see why here, in this chapter. We see why he has the issues he does. There is the other side of the coin too... Richard has not done so well, and as much as we might hate him, it's pretty obvious he's been carrying a lot of guilt around. There was a desperation to the man... he so wanted to be forgiven. Time has passed, and it does no good for Drake to be mean... when it comes right down to it, I saw Richard as more of a mess in this chapter. I would never forgive him for sleeping with Bernadette before he broke up with Drake, but a tiny bit of kudos to him for having the balls to be honest about it. So, with all this in mind, the kiss doesn't seem so shocking to me. Maybe he has issues still, or maybe it was as he said... he still has love for Drake... and he got carried away. That question showed me the state of mind Richard was in... needy... guilty... and relieved... wanting a tie of some kind with a man he loved deeply.... I think Drake handled it right. Richard got the message... arms length is the way it will be. After all, he doesn't have to respond to any text Richard might send. He is in control, just like Jimmy said he was. 

 

So, I'm saying this is just one way to look at it. I don't think he deserves much sympathy, if any, but I believe I understand him. Yes, one issue down... let's hope Drake got something positive out of the talk. I'm pleased you found the chapter marvelous, my platonic friend. :D  Cheers... Gary....

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12 hours ago, Drew Espinosa said:

 

To Drake, Richard's lying and cheating is tied to his sexuality. It's why Drake broke things off with Jimmy, he thought, "Jimmy has slept with women before, therefore he'll lie and cheat." 

 

To clarify: I think when Drake focuses on Richard's sexuality, he is, by extension, also focusing on the fact that Richard lied and cheated.

My problem with Drake the Dense is that he conflates the two. Bisexual does not mean Liar and Cheater. It may but they are not the same thing. Drake sees the “crime”as being bisexual and misses the point. As @LilDaddy98 quoted, finish the damn cookie Dick before you put your grubby hands on another. Young and stupid Dick, sure but still more of a villain than Preston.

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22 hours ago, Nahrung said:

Would Richard have wanted to 'get it off his chest' if they weren't forced together at a marriage? Why now? Why not last week, last month or six months ago? Why now? It just seems rather disingenuous to insert side drama into an event that was nothing about him. That WAS selfish.

Very good point.  Dick should have reached out of his own initiative, even knowing he'd be be rejected numerous times.  Then again, there is always some kind of side drama at a family event, 😄.

 

"Side drama"-I like that phrase.

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9 hours ago, Headstall said:

You know, Drake dreaded this meeting with his ex, and we see why here, in this chapter. We see why he has the issues he does. There is the other side of the coin too... Richard has not done so well, and as much as we might hate him, it's pretty obvious he's been carrying a lot of guilt around. There was a desperation to the man... he so wanted to be forgiven. Time has passed, and it does no good for Drake to be mean... when it comes right down to it, I saw Richard as more of a mess in this chapter. I would never forgive him for sleeping with Bernadette before he broke up with Drake, but a tiny bit of kudos to him for having the balls to be honest about it. So, with all this in mind, the kiss doesn't seem so shocking to me. Maybe he has issues still, or maybe it was as he said... he still has love for Drake... and he got carried away. That question showed me the state of mind Richard was in... needy... guilty... and relieved... wanting a tie of some kind with a man he loved deeply.... I think Drake handled it right. Richard got the message... arms length is the way it will be. After all, he doesn't have to respond to any text Richard might send. He is in control, just like Jimmy said he was. 

 

So, I'm saying this is just one way to look at it. I don't think he deserves much sympathy, if any, but I believe I understand him. Yes, one issue down... let's hope Drake got something positive out of the talk. I'm pleased you found the chapter marvelous, my platonic friend. :D  Cheers... Gary....

Yeah, okay, your comments and that of a couple others spoke to the angel on my shoulder. *sigh*

Richard fucked up, he did and he did so badly.  Drake should have been a part of Richard's process since he was in a relationship with him but Richard was afraid;  His subsequent actions with Bernadette and the breakup was cowardly and weak, then again, there are many of us who live in glass houses.

I was overwhelmed by the depth of emotional destruction Richard leveled Drake with, sometimes you think a situation might not be as bad as someone makes it, this was not one of those times, ☺️.

I still don't believe the kiss was altruistic, it was from desperation and need, those were feelings he should have kept in check.

Yes, Richard was more of a mess in this chapter than Drake.  I liked Drake being in control-

"Take care, Richard,” he said quickly, interrupting, and effectively dismissing him. One thing he was sure of… his ex would be the last person Drake would ever turn to, or confide in."  I think Drake's healing has already begun, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Good, bad or indifferent, this conversation was necessary for Drake.  What a well rounded, provocative writer you are, Gary. 👏

Have you ever had this much feedback on a character before?

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On 4/9/2018 at 9:58 PM, Geemeedee said:

I believe Richard when he says Drake is the only man he’ll ever want and love. Unfortunately, I think he still wants him, as that kiss let him know. I’ve been in a situation similar to this before (ex gets married, still wants to keep me on the side) and it’s so selfish on the ex’s part.

 

I would’ve responded exactly as Drake did for most of this, so I look forward to his reaction to that kiss after thinking about it.  I would take petty pleasure in fact that that Richard claims to be happy (he said it too many times, as if trying to convince himself), but he still wanted me. 

 

Great chapter! You did a marvelous job of Richard explaining himself. I actually felt sorry for him at the end. But he still ain’t shit. LOL

They just shared something intimate, that conversation, and it had an effect on Richard. After wishing to have a chance to talk to Drake since the breakup, and I believe Richard didn't want this connection between them, however harsh it was at times, to end. He was looking to extend it... and that's where the kiss and the text question came in. I'm not on Richard's side, but I have no doubt, like you, that he loved Drake. So, I can see him getting carried away... feeling almost euphoric that he had finally seen and interacted with Drake again. We humans are not always able to control our emotions nor define them. But yes, from our point of view, it was selfish to push that far. 

 

I think you're right, Geemeedee. Drake will need time to think about the kiss... all of what happened. What he comes up with, we don't yet know. One thing I think we can see for certain is that Drake has no residual feelings for the man. 

 

I will also say, I don't think Richard is a bad person... it was more that he found himself in an impossible situation, and handled it badly. I might not like what he did, but I can't condemn him. Not everyone is fortunate enough to know and be certain in who they are from a young age. For some of us, it takes time and circumstance. As the title suggests, it's hard to walk in any shoes but our own. I'm pleased you felt sorry for him. :) 

 

Thanks for the wonderful comment, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/9/2018 at 10:03 PM, Geemeedee said:

And NO, I don’t want a fucking picture of your baby to rub it in my face that you’re off having kids with the bitch you dumped me for! The hell?

 

Reason 1,863 I’m single. 

LOLOL. Point taken, Geemeedee. :D  I think it comes down to Richard wanting to extend the connection... yes, Drake was right... the man craves absolution, and Drake came damn close to giving it to him. :) 

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5 hours ago, Dodger said:

Drake obviously still has feelings for him

Nope.

 

Quote

“You were the love of my life once, Richard, but you aren’t anymore. I do want you to be happy, I suppose, but that’s all that’s left for you in my heart.”

This is what Drake said to Richard, and I believe him. I mean, come on, Richard broke Drake's heart, any love he once held for Richard was shattered after Richard cheated and lied to him.

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On 4/9/2018 at 10:34 PM, FanLit said:

That gets a like, love and a ha ha

:great: :heart::rofl:

I know, right. It makes me laugh each time I read it. :D 

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20 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

Nope.

 

This is what Drake said to Richard, and I believe him. I mean, come on, Richard broke Drake's heart, any love he once held for Richard was shattered after Richard cheated and lied to him.

Yeah I know that's what Drake said but he must still has feelings there for him. If not, he would have been able to tell Richard where to go and walk away laughing. He wouldn't have allowed Richard to kiss him or agreed to keep in touch either. He's definitely not over him yet and Richard knows that.

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On 4/9/2018 at 10:55 PM, glennish said:

So...um.....OK....  I was willing to give Richard a chance.  The explanation made sense to a degree.  Love of person reguardless of gender I can understand.   And he did the right thing but went about it all wrong.  Drake does deserve someone better. Someone who understands themselves.  It would not have lasted and Drake would have wound up more hurt by it.  But then....BUT THEN..  The damn kiss. Me thinks Richard is quite effed up in the head.  Drake my advise is don’t answer any calls and block that damn number NOW.  Thanks Gary can’t wait to find out where we go from here. 

Hehe. That could be good advice, glennish. :)  I don't expect Drake will have text conversations with the guy, and honestly, I'm tempted to give Richard the benefit of the doubt. I think it's understandable he got carried away in such a emotion-laden moment. And I think it's understandable he would want to keep the connection going if he can, via the occasional text. I'm not saying he deserves such consideration, though.  I'm pleased the explanation made sense... there is some of my truth in it. 

 

Drake will need to think about that damn kiss... it could have something to do with where he goes from here. :) See you Monday, buddy... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/9/2018 at 11:05 PM, JeffreyL said:

That went better than I expected. I think it was good for Drake to see Richard doesn't have it all together and he is not quite the evil man he expected. I am certain Drake will have to chew over the facts before moving on. Maybe this will help him move forward with Jimmy.

Thanks, Jeff! Yup, Drake will have to ruminate. :)  I'm so pleased you see Richard as messed up, and not evil. I agree with you. He's a human being doing human things when faced with such adversity. He did a lot of things wrong, especially the cheating part, but imagine the kind of anxiety such a situation would cause. The main thing is, as you say, Drake got to see Richard in the right light... as a flawed individual... as he said, he wouldn't make light of what Richard went through... I was proud of him for that. 

 

Thanks for the awesome comment and the support, my friend... cheers... Gary....

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11 minutes ago, Dodger said:

Yeah I know that's what Drake said but he must still has feelings there for him. If not, he would have been able to tell Richard where to go and walk away laughing. He wouldn't have allowed Richard to kiss him or agreed to keep in touch either. He's definitely not over him yet and Richard knows that.

First, the first kiss was chaste, something you would give a friend or family member, and therefore inoffensive. The second kiss, however, was definitely more passionate on Richard's part, and Drake immediately put a stop to it.

 

Second, Drake nearly told Richard to fuck off when he asked if he could text Drake. It was only after he thought that would be petty, that he reluctantly said they could try it.

 

This doesn't speak of a man who still harbors feelings for another.

Edited by Drew Espinosa
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On 4/10/2018 at 1:15 PM, Headstall said:

And yes, Jimmy is on his mind. Where do they go from here? :X  :P  Thanks, buddy, for a wonderful comment... I like the part you quoted too. Some may think Drake was too nice, but there is nothing to be gained from more anger. I believe that despite the trauma of the conversation, Drake handled himself as well as could be expected. He didn't run, he listened, and he didn't let the man completely off the hook. Finally, a win... maybe.... Cheers... Gary....

You and your :X ... :rolleyes::P 

 

To me, I think Drake is trying to walk on a tightrope. On the one hand, he doesn't want to be bitter against Richard for the rest of his life, and on the other, he doesn't want to completely forgive his ex.

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On 4/9/2018 at 11:11 PM, Canuk said:

Richard is one messed up bastard. Of course he couldnt be honest to Drake, he can't even be honest to himself. I also doubt the ethics of the councellor he went to. While only half the story, they way Richard reported the discussions sounded bloody peculiar. 

 

Drake seems to have worked his way through it...i think!

Let's hope that Drake has gotten something positive from their conversation. Yes, Richard is messed up... at least while they were revisiting what happened in the past. I'm not so sure he isn't happy, as he said. I suspect he is, and the worst part of his life has been his guilt over what he did and how he did it. I believe he can still care greatly for Drake, but when faced with the choice, he made the only one he could have. For him. For Drake. Life can be ugly, buddy, and this was certainly that. 

 

As far as the therapist, you're right that we are only hearing Richard's POV. It sounds like he fought her advice for a while, trying to hold onto Drake despite what was happening. She wanted him to bring Drake, but Richard was too cowardly and selfish to take the chance. He was a prick in that regard, but he was frightened.

 

Thanks, Canuk. I love hearing your thoughts on this. We'll see where Drake's head is at on Monday. :)  Cheers... Gary....

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8 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

First, the first kiss was chaste, something you would give a friend or family member, and therefore inoffensive. The second kiss, however, was definitely more passionate on Richard's part, and Drake immediately put a stop to it.

 

Second, Drake nearly told Richard to fuck off when he asked if he could text Drake. It was only after he thought that would be petty, that he reluctantly said they could try it.

 

This doesn't speak of a man who still harbors feelings for another.

@Dodger Rereading my comment, I feel like I'm coming off as too confrontational, and that wasn't my intention when I wrote that comment. So, I'm sorry for that. :hug: 

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12 minutes ago, Drew Espinosa said:

First, the first kiss was chaste, something you would give a friend or family member, and therefore inoffensive. The second kiss, however, was definitely more on Richard's part, and Drake immediately put a stop to it.

 

Second, Drake nearly told Richard to fuck off when he asked if he could text Drake. It was only after he thought that would be petty, that he reluctantly said they could try it.

 

This doesn't speak of a man who still harbors feelings for another.

I know what you're saying Drew and logic says that you're right. In which case life would be so easy but with relationships and especially ex-relationships logic goes out of the window. He probably wants nothing more than to hate Richard but he doesn't.

Confrontational no, of course not. We're having a difference of opinion. Life would be boring if we all thought the same. :hug:

Edited by Dodger
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On 4/10/2018 at 11:36 AM, Nahrung said:

Would Richard have wanted to 'get it off his chest' if they weren't forced together at a marriage? Why now? Why not last week, last month or six months ago? Why now? It just seems rather disingenuous to insert side drama into an event that was nothing about him. That WAS selfish.

 

What would be really cool is if Richard set the record straight with Preston, the number two asshole in this saga. That would take REAL courage and help everyone out a bit other than just himself.

 

Neal

Was Richard forced to marry Bernadette? I must of missed that. 

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On 4/9/2018 at 11:55 PM, Sweetlion said:

Ok I can understand better, and for me it is a bit easier to accept, even if not forgive, coward than malice. Still, everything about Richard was wrong. The way he dealt with his doubts, the sleeping with his future wife while still dating, playing with Drake until the last day, was terrible (I might be weird, but for me that, allowing feeling to develop for other person while still dating is worse than if he had random hooked up with a woman to "be sure"). And while everyone deals with their sexuality different, even the way he explained his sexually was strange. I could understand, even if not like, a bisexual with doubts on where he was leaning, but his explanation of latent sexuality was strange, and not exactly the contrary that some gay men live. He was high school straight and dated women, that decided he was gay and wanted a forever life with Drake, to finally feel completely straight again... But the even if we could understand all that, the insult to injury was that kiss. Not the chaste one, that you could give to someone you love and want in your life, but the second lustful one, that you would use to someone you are in love or lust about. He really is a messed up mind.

I actually feel that in the end Drake was very soft with him. Not inn the part of hearing him, that was good, Drake finally hear someone or something, but the whole keep in contact thing... I mean, unless very special circumstances and a mutual break up happens, exs should be "dead", keeping it "friends" is very hard when you can't have neutral feelings about it. And a picture of your baby??? Really? What is that, rubbing salt in the wounds, saying "where is the baby we are not having, because I fucked you over to go fuck my ex-girlfriend!"

Oh, man, I so agree about the cheating part. That wasn't necessary, not by any stretch of the imagination. The only reason I could maybe understand was if he hoped that sleeping with Bernadette would be a disaster... and I find that hard to believe when Richard says he would have had to let Drake go even if there wasn't a Bernadette. Still, that being said, it's why I gave the chapter the title I did. It is a difficult thing to walk in another man's shoes... many would have found it hard to walk in mine... I know about confusion, I know about latency... the panic, the anxiety, the guilt, the fear... and I know how hard some of us fight it. I'm not making excuses for the man, though... I never did what he did. 

 

And yes, that kiss was about so many things... and open to interpretation. I don't fully know Richard's reasons because I don't think he completely does. So, I will take him at his word, that it felt good to do something he thought he'd never get to do again... hold the one man he's loved... and he got carried away. Is he confused? Maybe.

 

I understand why you feel the way you do about the contact thing... I think most readers feel the same. I have an ex who emails me every so often, and to be honest it means little to me, but I know it does to him... he regrets what he did, and he regrets it badly. Like I said, I really don't care... I'm over the pain... so, I politely respond. I have found some sympathy for the man. He has to live with what he did, and so does Richard. Aren't humans fascinating? :) 

 

Thanks, Leo... I love this well thought out comment... cheers, and seeing you Monday... :hug: 

 

 

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On 4/10/2018 at 12:36 AM, deville said:

Drake has now heard about ‘evolving’ sexuality from Jimmy-Dean and Richard , Richards telling of it supported by a Psychologist . In his own words he needs time to work things out. Maybe it will sink in and he can now see Jimmy -Dean in a different light. I feel this conversation was extremely important for Drake and that he will find closure ( Aaaargh)! Richard did love Drake , he admits that he still does, and that’s probably reflected in that second kiss. It would probably not change anything for him and Bernadette. 

Well said, deville. We can only wait and see where this all leads. Drake has had one hell of a day, Mindboggling really... with family secrets, Jimmy telling him he's been waiting and hoping all this time (Drake should have known this, but I think Jimmy was probably good at hiding his feelings until this weekend), and the face to face with Richard. And all this was after a panic attack the night before because of Preston. Yup... hell of a day. 

 

LOL to closure. :)  I feel too, that Richard loved Drake. For personal reasons, I have no trouble at all believing it.  And yeah, those feelings, or the memories of them had to have played a part in that kiss... it doesn't mean he doesn't love Bernadette. 

 

Thanks for this, buddy, and the support... Monday is getting closer... cheers... Gary....

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On 4/10/2018 at 1:03 AM, JayT said:

It wasn't a psychologist. It was merely a counselor. Big difference. 

As I've already said, Sandra is a psychologist, but the misunderstanding is my fault... they are called therapists in Canada/Ontario... a counselor is something else again, but I should have included her proper credentials for the sake of the story. Cheers... Gary....

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