Fleeting Eternity - 15. Planning

"I'm gay." Markus watched Shane closely. So much rode on the reaction of his friend, and he didn't want to miss anything.

Shane blinked. "Markus, man. Uh, I don't know what to say." Shane uncomfortably looked down at his hand that was wrapped around his glass of beer. "When you said you needed to talk, I didn't expect this."

Markus had a terrible, sinking feeling. Shane was his last hope. He had already given up on loving anyone, but he had convinced himself that friendship was enough. If he just had a good friend to lean on, then he'd try and live his life, as best as he could. "I, I want to be clear - I'm not uh, I'm not attracted to you, Shane."

"Shhh! Keep your voice down. Fuck." They were back in the bar, Rumors. The locals loved it, which meant they could easily see someone they knew any second. Shane looked around, but nobody seemed to have heard Markus. He glanced at his friend. "Look, I can't -" He grimaced and shook his head. "Shit, we had you babysit for us." He said it with an edge of dread in his voice as if that were the most terrible thing he could have done to his young son.

At first, Markus was confused. "Why would that…" Then he got the implication and stared at Shane. "I'd never! I'm not... god, I'm not a pedophile." Markus looked at Shane with a pained, injured expression. He could feel what was left of his world crumble as the man he had known and trusted his whole life piece-by-piece rejected him - all for his sexuality.

Shane clenched his jaw. He shook his head once and stood up. "I gotta go."

"Wait. Please, Shane…" Markus rose from his seat but stood rooted in place. He stared after Shane as his friend simply turned and left without another look at him.

Markus rubbed his face and the dark stubble on his skin there. This had been his last attempt to instill some sort of positivity - some kind of hope for his future.

He'd failed. Now he slumped and sat back down at his table, alone. The young, black-haired man kept from breaking only through a massive act of will. Instead, he blew out a shaky breath and took another drink of his beer.

'Okay. This was the test. You know what to do.' Markus nodded to himself as he sipped his beverage. He had already told himself - that however Shane reacted would be his guide. Shane would make the choice for him.

Markus finished his drink and wiped the beer from his lips. Now that he had decided, he didn't feel as stressed. It was almost as if a weight had been lifted from him. Though now he had things to do, and preparations to make.

'A week. I can be ready in a week. It won't take any longer than that.' He was coolly logical about it all.

Markus stood and put on his coat. He put his hands into his pockets and left the bar, out into the chilly, clear Amarillo night.

∞

Tad had Nate on one side and Christopher on the other when the door opened. His dark eyes met those of his sister's. At first, Miranda frowned when she saw Chris, but then Tad's expression and the manner of the group registered on her face. "What?" She set her jaw, and she shook her head once. "Tad, tell me."

He nodded and sighed. "It's started, sis. I'm sure of it."

Miranda seemed to go cold, and she took a breath. Tad knew she had prepared for this moment - they both had. Miranda was now using those emotional roadmaps she had forged in less stressful times. She was the big sister. Tad knew that she expected a lot of herself, and part of that was to be the strong one. "Come in. We have to plan our next steps and discuss what needs doing."

All three men entered into the mudroom, then into the short hallway which led to the living area. David was there. He appeared wearing a cream colored apron which contrasted against his dark Mediterranean skin. David was a handsome man. His heritage was African American and Italian, and he seemed to reap the benefits of both sides of his genetics. His hair was soft, curly, kept short, and dark brown against his head. His eyes were a light brown color, and he had an easy, gregarious way about him. Tad had often thought he was a catch in many ways.

David smiled when they first entered, then he noticed the mood. He looked at Miranda before his eyes went back to Tad. “Good to see you Tad.” David seemed a little surprised to see Christopher, but he smiled affably and nodded at him. "Hi again, Chris." Then he stepped forward and held out a hand to Nate. “I’m David. You must be Nate.”

Nate shook his hand and nodded. “Yeah.” Tad could sense that the redhead was all out of social niceties, but he was trying.

“Let’s sit if that’s all right,” Tad said, and Miranda nodded.

They all went into the living room. As they found seats, David looked at Miranda. “I’m going to put a few more chicken thighs in the oven.”

She smiled and nodded at him. “Thanks, David.”

He patted her shoulder and disappeared back into the kitchen.

Tad had forgotten how loving and attentive a man David was. He smiled at the gentle, careful manner of the fellow toward Miranda, and them too.

Nate sat at Tad’s right hip while Christopher was on his left. Miranda took the armchair, and she sat forward, her elbows on her knees.

Tad felt as if he owed a confession. “Before we get into the details, I wanted to say that we’re all together.” He hurried through, trying to get it all out before she could pass judgment. “It’s what I need, and they’re both perfect…”

“Tad,” Miranda leaned forward. "You don't have to justify something that makes you happy. You don't have to justify that to anyone." Her eyes flicked to Christopher, but she continued to address Tad. "So long as this is good for you, then I approve." She held Chris's gaze in an unmistakable warning to the man.

Chris cleared his throat. "I'm not running." He reached and his hand laced fingers with Tad's. "Not anymore." Then Nate did the same on his other side.

Miranda looked down at their hands. Her face moved as she fought with her emotions, and she put a hand over each of theirs. Miranda closed her eyes and breathed. She seemed to gather herself, then she leaned back. When her eyes opened, the logical and strong woman was back. "Tell me about the symptoms."

They talked for a while about Tad's particular manifestation of the tumor. The whole while, Miranda used laser-sharp planning and seemed detached from feelings. To others, she might have seemed heartless and cold, but Tad knew better. He knew that she fell back on objective and lucid thought when under stress, yet the emotion was still there.

David rejoined them during the discussion, and he too offered his own insights. David was a Registered Nurse at the hospital, and that's how he and Miranda had met since she worked in the HR department at Mad River. He had a lot of experience with patient care and with the hard choices both patients and families had to make.

Sometime during the conversation, the oven chimed, and they all went into the kitchen. David served dinner, though Tad didn't know if he'd be able to eat anything. He stared down at the meal, and thanks to gentle prodding from his men he picked at the food. He finally gave up after he'd eaten all he could force down. Tad looked up at those around the table. "I don't know how much time I've got. But the most important thing now is to finish my book." He frowned down at his plate. "I need that. I've got to finish it."

"We've got a plan for that," Nate rubbed Tad's back. "We'll get it done. You'll have your signing. I swear, we'll get it done in time."

Tad bit his lip and nodded. "Thanks." He glanced at Nate. "If you and, if Stanley agrees, if both of you guys can work on it, then, ah, I have another project I need take on. But, only if you guys are both really okay doing it. Otherwise, I'll keep working on it myself. Though I'd really like to do this other project while I've still got time."

Christopher took out his phone. "I'm gonna call Stanley now." He stood and wandered into the living room.

Nate set his jaw. "I'm committed. It'll get done. Show me what to do, and I'll get on it."

"Okay. It's not hard, it's just tasky, and it takes attention to detail," Tad explained, and Nate nodded.

They looked up as Chris reentered and he gave them a thumbs-up. "Stanley's fine with working on it. He'll just need to see what is involved."

Even through the intensity of all of the emotion that swirled around him, Tad smiled. He looked up at Miranda. Her gaze had softened, and she ran her eyes over Christopher, Nate, and then finally, Tad. She smiled. "Anything you need, anything at all, I'm here. You know that, right?"

"I know." Tad exhaled. "I appreciate all of you, so much."

Miranda nodded and stood up. She looked down at Tad's plate, and she jerked her chin at it. "Tumor or not, come help me do dishes."

David looked appalled at her, but Tad laughed. Miranda knew what he needed. He stood up and gathered dishes.

"Yes, ma'am."

∞

"He told me, that's how I know." Shane grimaced and shook his head. Heather held Iver, their six-month-old boy. He was nearly asleep and she cooed gently to him as she listened to her husband, who had just come from the bar after meeting Markus. "It came out of his own mouth. I heard rumors, but, shit." Shane rubbed his face. "I can't believe it. I can't believe my best friend is a faggot." He froze, and a horrified expression was on his face. "What if people think…"

Heather knew what he was thinking. "Shane, just because Markus is gay doesn't mean people are going to think you are. Relax." She frowned worriedly. "How was he? Was he okay?"

Shane's face wrinkled as he looked at her. "What? What do you mean?"

"Shane, Markus just came out to you. What'd you say to him? Did you tell him it's okay?" She shifted Iver to her other shoulder.

He looked at her with an incredulous expression on his face. "No? No, I didn't tell him it's 'okay'." He was visibly angry and disgusted, and she realized how things had gone, just from that emotion. "It's not okay. He's a fag."

She felt a deep concern and disappointment. "We need to talk about this." She walked into the baby's room and gently put him down.

He followed her. "Talk? What's there to talk about?" He waved a hand. "He's queer. I don't want to be associated with him, and I don't want our son around him, at all."

Heather felt her anger begin to rise up, but she made herself speak in an even and controlled tone. "Shane, people coming out are fragile. They're looking for reassurance, and they need that from those close to them." She led him out of the bedroom and closed the door to block most sound, so the baby wouldn't wake. "You know my sister is gay. You know my stance on this." She glared at him. "So, what makes it different to know that Markus is gay? What's so terrible about that?"

Shane could see that she warmed up to the argument, and he eyed her. "It's different," he said weakly. Then his spine straightened. "I don't have a problem with Jen, but it's different with Markus, and you can't convince me otherwise."

"Let me tell you something." Heather leaned into him, and Shane flinched. "If our own son is gay, and you act this way? I will do the right thing for Iver, and for myself." She shrugged as his eyes widened. "So, you'd best figure out what really matters to you."

Shane wet his lips. "Our son won't be a faggot. That's why I don't want Markus around him. I don't want Iver thinking it's okay."

"It is okay, and it's not something someone chooses, Shane. No matter what your dad says, it's nothing that someone just decides." She sighed. "I know you're not going to see it my way." Her eyes carried her disappointment. "I really hoped you were better than this, that you could be better than this."

Shane started to respond, gauged her mood, then he stalked away. Heather sighed, and she pulled out her phone and texted a message. 'Hey. How you doing? Shane told me. Let's get lunch this week, okay?'

She sent it. Heather watched the status go from 'sent' to 'read.' Shortly after Markus returned her message. 'I'm fine. I'm busy this week. Maybe next.'

Heather exhaled, and she shook her head. 'Okay. Tuesday, next week. Lunch, you and me.'

The response from Markus came quickly. 'Sounds good.'

She knew Shane had wounded Markus. Heather had watched Jen, her sister, come to terms with her sexuality a few years back in the hostile environment of their high school. Her parents, though, they were Jen's saving grace. They accepted her relatively quickly, and that support at home had been so crucial to Jen's mental health.

Heather knew Markus didn't have that same family support going for him. Now that Shane had rejected him, she didn't know if he'd be all right.

She heard the TV come on in the living room, and she shot a frown toward the sound. Heather stepped into their extra bedroom they had set up to be a home office. She slipped into her desk chair and logged onto the laptop. Soon, she had Amazon open, and she searched. "Okay, self-help. Coming out. There has to be stuff that can help him." It wasn't long before she had a few items in her virtual basket. She set up the delivery address to go straight to Markus's home, and she put a rush on the shipping. It was Friday night, and they were due for delivery on Monday.

'I hope he reads them before we hang out. Maybe they'll help.' She sighed. It was all she could do right at that moment. She tried to be positive. 'He might be fine. I'm probably being silly.'

She closed the browser, and she set a reminder on her calendar for their lunch date.

'Yeah. I'm sure Markus will be fine.'

∞

It was Sunday morning. Stanley woke up to his alarm and left Kent in bed. He had plans, and he got into the shower. He and Nate had some time scheduled with Tad at the new apartment in Eureka and they were going to use every minute of the day to do the work needed on the comic.

Stanley finished with the shower, dressed, and stopped by his bedroom. Kent slept deeply. It wasn't even six-thirty yet and the young man had worked hard with the move yesterday. He needed his rest.

Stanley knelt next to him on the bed. "Have a good day, Sir," he whispered, and Stanley kissed the side of Kent's face.

His stout lover stirred, still mostly asleep. Kent smiled, but his eyes remained closed. “Boy,” he murmured, then he sank back down into full unconsciousness.

Stanley grinned. He forced himself away so that he wouldn't wake Kent. Then he grabbed his laptop and left the house.

The drive around the water was peaceful. The mist still hung thick on the surface of Humboldt Bay and the sun was only just above the hills to the east. There was very little traffic on the stretch of highway known as the Safety Corridor, and Stanley was content to take it at the fifty mile an hour speed limit.

The trip gave him time to think. He had only just met Tad, but when Christopher asked for help with Tad's project, Stanley immediately jumped to assist. He didn't know the whole story, but he knew that Tad's condition wasn't one with a good prognosis. Chris had said only that Tad needed help to finish his work. "Before things get bad," was how he had put it.

Stanley entered Eureka. Instead of heading straight for the apartment, he dropped by Los Bagels, a great shop in Old Town. It wasn't long before he had four bagels, a tub of cream cheese, and a little, sealed package of lox.

Stanley drove the couple of blocks he had left to go, and he parked in front of the building. He shouldered his computer bag, carried the food, and he went up the three flights of stairs.

He knocked and the door opened. Christopher was there and Stanley smiled at him. "Hey, Chris…" The look on his face stopped Stanley. "What? What's wrong?"

Chris frowned, and he shook his head. "It's a bad day. He won't wake up. We're trying to decide if we need to call someone."

Stanley followed Christopher inside and they heard Nate talking. Then they heard Tad's sleepy voice respond. Chris picked up his pace, and he stood at the bedroom doorway, hope written on his face.

Stanley got to the doorway to see Nate squeezing a frowning, bleary-eyed Tad. "God, you scared us. God."

"I'm okay," Tad mumbled. "Just sleepy."

"It was more than sleepy. You wouldn't wake up." Nate's voice was unsteady. He looked up at Chris and Stanley. Nate nodded at them then he refocused on his tired man. "Tad, Stanley's here. Can you get ready, and show us what you need done?"

Tad seemed to jolt awake. He blinked. "Yes." He smiled at Stanley. "Thanks for showing up. Sorry I'm not ready."

Stanley felt the mix of emotions in the room. He nodded. "It's fine." He stepped back toward the living room. "I'm going to set up my laptop. Chris, can you help me get on the WiFi?"

The tall man followed Stanley out to the living space. There was a heavy silence between them as Stanley opened his laptop, and they could both hear Nate gently speaking to Tad down the hallway. Stanley looked up at Chris's face. His friend had a stony expression and Stanley realized just how serious things were. Sure, Chris had told him about the tumor, but he had no idea things were so far along.

Stanley stood up. It felt like the right thing, and he stepped into Chris’s space. The tall, broad man crushed him in a hug, his face down against Stanley's neck. Stanley let him hang on, and he quietly embraced Christopher.

He heard Christopher swallow, and Stanley felt him nod. "I'm okay."

He pushed back, and Stanley smiled at him. “All right. Anytime you need to talk, we can.”

Chris smiled sadly. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Tad poked his head around the edge of the hall corner. His bare shoulder and one naked leg were visible too. “I’ll be ready soon.”

“No problem, Tad.”

He and Nate disappeared and Stanley sat in front of his laptop. He started his computer, Christopher got him on the WiFi, and Stanley navigated to his email. He already had the shared folder sent by Tad saved, and he opened it up.

“Okay, while we’re waiting, I’m gonna use your toaster.” Stanley took his bagels to the kitchen and Christopher went to go check on his men in the shower.

Stanley took care of breakfast and soon all of the guys joined him in the kitchen.

“I thought I smelled food.” Tad grinned, his hair still damp. He was dressed comfortably in sweats and a long-sleeved t-shirt. “Thanks, Stanley.”

“Sure.” He handed plates with warm, toasty bagels out to hungry guys. “There’s lox too.”

They got on with their breakfast, and Tad explained the process of editing his comics to both Nate and Stanley while they ate.

Stanley chewed, and he swallowed his bite. “I can do this. No problem, Tad.” Nate nodded in agreement and licked cream cheese off his fingers.

Tad smiled, relief on his face. “Good. Okay. Thank you so much.” He stood. “I’m really sorry, but I’m going to get started on something entirely new, and I'm going to have to throw everything I've got at it. So I’m about to be anti-social.”

"Okay." Nate turned to Stanley. “Do you want to walk over to the coffee shop? We can work from there so Tad can do his thing here."

“Let’s do it.” Stanley shut his laptop, and he crammed the last bite of bagel into his mouth.

Nate grabbed his computer and a jacket. He looked at Christopher as Tad cleared off his treasured desk. "Chris," his voice was low, but Stanley still heard him, "you call me if anything happens, okay? If you need help, or if Tad does. All right?"

Chris nodded. "We'll be fine." He looked at Tad as he sat in his chair, his tablet in hand. Tad spoke gently to Kali as she hopped into his lap and Chris smiled at them. He turned back to Nate. "Go on. Go get to work."

Nate smiled, and he shouldered his bag. "Okay, let's do this, Stanley."

The pair walked downstairs, and then outside into a blustery but warm day. Soon they sat at the coffee shop, each with a latte, and both were logged onto the WiFi network.

"I'll take it from page, uh," Stanley reread the email, which explained where Tad had stopped, "page thirty-seven. You want to start at the end, and we'll work our way toward the middle?"

Nate sipped his drink and nodded.

They began. The process was almost hypnotic to Stanley. He fell into a rhythm, and he found the work familiar from his experience with CAD and other drafting programs. After only a few pages, he could finish one in ten minutes. Nate was closer to the fifteen-minute mark, but they were still getting it done.

They worked for six hours, with only small breaks for the bathroom, more coffee, and a lunch of a couple of slices of pizza from a shop down the street.

Nate stood and stretched. "I understand if you can't keep at this, Stanley. I know you're missing time with Kent right now."

Stanley twisted in his seat and cracked his back, then moved his head, and his neck rewarded him with additional cricks and cracks. He made a satisfied noise and eyed Nate. "We're averaging about ten pages an hour with both of us working." He smiled. "We're sixty-two pages closer, and it's only one p.m." He nodded to himself. "I'm in it until nine tonight. I'm going to cancel with Kent, and take the day off tomorrow. I want to work on this thing." Nate stared at him as Stanley grinned. "We're finishing this. It'll be sometime tomorrow, but we're going to finish it on Monday."

"Really?" An awed, wonderstruck expression was on Nate's face. "I, uh." Nate shook his head. "Wow." He swallowed and quickly wiped his face before tears could fall. "Thank you. You're helping Tad's dream come true, so thank you."

"You're welcome. Text Chris and let him know we're not doing dinner. I'll do the same for Kent." Stanley took a breath. "Then break is over, and get back to it." He grinned at Nate to let him know that he was kidding.

Nate laughed. "You got it." They quickly sent the texts, Nate sat down, and the two men got back to work.

At the end of their evening, the redhead stretched and yawned. Nate scratched his belly and leaned over to look at Stanley's computer. "How far along are we?"

Stanley nodded, tired but happy. "We got through a big chunk. One-hundred-forty-five pages down. Add that to what Tad already did, and we're looking at a hundred and eighty-one." He smiled. "That leaves another seventy-four to go."

"Holy shit." Nate laughed. "Wow, I can't believe we did so many pages. This is awesome." He suppressed another yawn. "Ugh. Okay. You're fine helping me again tomorrow? I can get the rest on my own, but it'd take a long time solo." He wrinkled his nose. "Plus, you're faster than I am."

"I'm committed at this point. Tad deserves this, and we're going to make it happen." Stanley stood up, and he nodded as he packed up his laptop. "But for now, I need to get home to Kent." Stanley had already let Kent know he'd be late in the text, so Kent had worked all day at the bookstore instead of just the morning shift.

They packed up. Stanley wanted to say goodbye, and he walked upstairs with Nate. The redhead had checked with Christopher periodically while they worked, and Chris assured him that Tad was doing fine.

When they got to the apartment, Tad was still in his chair, and he drew on his tablet. His head came up when Stanley and Nate entered. He smiled at them. "Hey. How'd it go, guys?" Tad stood up, put the tablet face down on the desk, and walked over.

"Good." Nate motioned at Stanley. "This one is fast. We've got about seventy pages left to go."

Tad's jaw dropped. "What!?" He made a sound of disbelief. "Wow. That's awesome!" Tad looked at Christopher who appeared wearing only a pair of boxers in the hallway with a toothbrush in his mouth. "Bear, they're almost done!"

Chris rewarded them with a frothy grin, and he held up a thumb. Then he went back into the bathroom to finish his nighttime rituals.

Stanley good-naturedly accepted the praise. They tried to be accommodating hosts, but he could tell they all needed rest, so he quickly bid the men goodnight.

He was soon back in his car and on the way home. As he drove, Stanley began to think about what was really and truly important to him.

He arrived home about fifteen minutes later. Stanley got out of the car, shouldered his bag, and as he fished for his keys, he decided.

'I know what's important.'

Stanley opened the door, and Kent stood there, waiting for him. His broad lover wore nothing but a new jockstrap and a grin. Another jock dangled from his fist. "Hello, boy." Kent took a step toward him as Stanley entered. Kent waved the jock at him. "I've got a little something for you to try on."

He shut the door behind him, and Stanley couldn't keep the emotion out of his voice as he responded to the man that he loved.

"Yes, Sir."