Clown Wyrm - 5. Chapter 5 - Friends

Even though Mercury and Periwinkle were very hungry, something they recognized distracted them right as Dahb pointed out the noodle house where he was bringing them. The view down a side street revealed a troupe of performers. One of them was barking out details about the spectacles and the acts, while another juggled, a third breathed fireballs into the air, and several contortionists displayed impossible feats of flexibility. Laughter and cheering rang out from the crowd of onlookers, and Mercury and Periwinkle were very excited.

“Clowns!” she squeaked in delight.

Dahb paused and turned to see what Mercury and Periwinkle were looking at, and he scowled as he said, “Oh, yes, those rowdy folks are woodland jesters.” He turned up his nose. “They make their living busking in the towns around here, causing a commotion every few days or so.”

“Those are our kinds of people!” Periwinkle declared with a grin. “Thank you so much, Dahb, for bringing us to your town.”

“Maybe we can come back here and find them after we eat,” Mercury recommended.

Dahb was clearly not interested in trying to locate the troupe of clowns after dinner, and he waved Mercury and Periwinkle into the restaurant. “My favorite dish here,” he stated in a grumpy tone and ignoring their request, “is called Canoe Noodles,” and he pointed it out on the menu that was written on a sign behind the bar. “It’s served in a boat-shaped bowl with lots of toppings. That’s what I’m having. Get whatever you two would like.”

The aroma of food focused the clowns.

“Oh my Godzilla,” Mercury cooed, “seriously, they make Lobster Fried Rice? I think I’ll definitely get that! Oooh, and it’s also got quahogs in it? Sounds scrumptious.”

Periwinkle was taking his time, reading through all the restaurant’s offerings, and trying to make his decision. Quite a few options looked like they would be delicious. There were more than he expected, and it took him a little while to read through them all. He eventually ordered, “One of your House Specialty Bowls, please.”

Dahb indicated a table, and the trio sat at it to wait for their food, but Mercury and Periwinkle were back to thinking about the jesters.

“Can you tell us any more about those clowns we saw in the street?” she asked.

Dahb made a little snort of disapproval. “They’re vagabonds, and I don’t like them loitering up Tingedale.”

Mercury and Periwinkle were disheartened by his response.

“We bring people joy,” Periwinkle tried to explain, but Dahb looked irritated.

“You’re not really jesters, are you? I knew you were both in unusual clothes when I found you, but please tell me you’re not just a couple of fools.”

“What’s your issue with clowns?” Mercury asked with a pout.

“Yeah,” Periwinkle added, “we just want to make people happy.”

Dahb frowned. “Jesters are mean, ugly, cruel, stupid…” He shook his head. “They’re insulting, and they make a mockery of decency. Some people really hate fools.”

Mercury and Periwinkle were hurt by his words.

“What have you got against people like us?” Mercury snapped.

“Jesters are idiots,” Dahb went on. “Why would anyone choose to live that way?”

Periwinkle tried to understand. “You saw how we were dressed. If you’re so anti-clown, why did you help us in the forest?”

“Was I just supposed to leave you two out there? You’re not dressed like any fools I’ve ever seen before, so I guess I hoped that maybe you were in weird outfits and were not in fact jesters. You two didn’t seem horrible, but I suppose looks can be deceiving. At least you don’t look like fools now,” he added, and he scowled. “I’d hate to be seen with those beggar-types.”

Three bowls of food were placed onto the tabletop between the trio of people who were not sure they wanted to remain together.

“You’re kind of a jerk, aren’t you?” Mercury asked rhetorically.

“We’re really nice,” Periwinkle pleaded, but Dahb’s frown was firmly in place.

“I hate fools.”

Mercury snarled. “We’re clowns.”

“Clowns, jesters, fools,” Dahb replied, and he added, “idiots… call yourselves what you will. If you’re really fools, you should just leave Tingedale.” He looked down at his bowl of Canoe Noodles. “I think I’ve lost my appetite.” He scowled as he added, “I suppose you two are very weird-looking.”

“Whatever,” Mercury grumbled, and she chomped down her first bite of lobster. It was buttery and warm, and she was hungry. She scooped another bite and glanced up at Dahb, who seemed to be getting more agitated. “What?” Mercury asked out the corner of her mouth. “You want your boring-ass clothes back, or what? These shoes?”

Dahb sniffed dismissively and replied, “You can keep them,” and he added, “I guess I’m just disappointed.” He sounded like a parent reprimanding a child, but the two clowns were not beholden to the irascible cobbler.

Periwinkle asked, “What’s your big issue with us?”

Dahb grunted at them. “I guess I just hoped there would be more to you than your stupid outfits.”

Mercury adjusted the bite of food in her mouth to one side, and she spoke in her cutesiest voice out the other, but her words did not match her tone. “Why don’t you fuck the fuck off, hmm?” She had reached her limit. She stood and stepped up against Dahb’s chair, bumping him so that he was knocked off balance and forcing him to stand as well. Mercury took another step against him, and even though she was quite a few inches shorter, her aggression achieved her desired effect.

Without another word, Dahb exited the noodle restaurant.

“Fuck him,” Mercury concluded, taking her seat again and enjoying another bite of her meal. “And we’re eating his food too.” She nodded at the untouched Canoe Noodles.

“Oh definitely,” Periwinkle agreed. “I’m famished.” He added, “It sucks that Dahb hates people like us.” He looked toward the door through which the man had just gone.

“Whatever,” Mercury repeated. “Can’t wait to find people who are like us. We may not know where or when we are, but at least now we know clowns exist here too.”

The two of them ate all three plates of food, and with very full stomachs, they headed back out into the village streets. They immediately returned to the spot where the jesters had been, but there was no sign of them.

“Dammit,” Mercury grumbled.

“We’ll find ’em,” Periwinkle encouraged. “Let’s explore the town and see what else is here while we look for them.”

The two clowns wandered down several dark streets lined with lamps and flanked by little cottages. They said hello to a few locals who were also outside enjoying the pleasant evening, all of whom were tall, strong, and attractive, but Mercury and Periwinkle did not find the group of clowns. They came across a café, a large produce stand that was closing for the night, several other restaurants, and an indoor botanical garden dedicated to only flora that were deadly. The extensive greenhouse made the pair pause.

“Why is there a whole building for poisonous plants?” Periwinkle asked.

“What a peculiar little village,” Mercury added. “The next person we come across, I’m asking if they know where the clowns are.”

Periwinkle scrunched up his face. “What did that asshole call them?”

Mercury shrugged. “I don’t remember, but who knows if what he called them is what they call themselves, or if that asshole was just being an asshole. I don’t want to use a term for the group we’re looking for that might be offensive to them.” She glanced down at herself. “And I wish we could get out of the asshole’s clothes.”

A gorgeous woman rounded the corner ahead of them, and Mercury intended to call out excuse me, but the woman was topless, and Mercury and Periwinkle were stunned. She stepped into the light of a streetlamp, and she was holding what looked like a shirt. Her breasts were not very large, but there was absolutely nothing covering them, and the clowns could not help but gawk as she began walking in their direction.

“Uh, hello,” Periwinkle managed to say, his voice cracking with embarrassment. He looked down at the ground.

The topless woman focused on the pair. “Yes, can I help you?” She seemed a little confused by them, and just like Dahb when he first found the clowns by the river, she was doing nothing to cover her exposed body.

“We hope so,” Periwinkle continued a little squeakily. “We’re not from here, but we saw a group of performers in the street earlier, and we’re trying to find them. Do you know the people I mean?”

The woman scrunched up her beautiful features in thought, and she put her hands on her hips. “Do you mean the woodland jesters?”

Mercury and Periwinkle peeked at each other.

“Possibly,” Mercury replied, “we don’t know what they’re called, but how would we find them?”

“I don’t know what you’d want with them,” the topless woman stated. “They’re kind of lower class. They don’t live here in town.” She leaned closer and whispered, “I’ve heard they live in a cave.”

“How interesting,” Periwinkle replied, still staring at the ground.

The woman stood upright again. “You two ought to avoid that rabble.”

Mercury’s lip curled into a tiny snarl. “Does everyone here hate clowns? Come on, Periwinkle, let’s go.”

The two clowns walked away from the woman with no shirt on, and turning down the next street revealed that they were a mere block away from the edge of the village.

“Maybe if we follow the town’s perimeter,” Periwinkle suggested, “we’ll be able to figure out which way the clowns headed.”

“You think they’ve already left?”

Periwinkle inadvertently looked back in the direction of the topless woman. “She said they don’t live in town. Maybe they’ve already gone home.”

Mercury conceded that Periwinkle’s plan was their only idea, and the pair began to make their way around the village. To their delight, they found the group of clowns on their way out of town.

“Hello!” Mercury called out to them, but only a few looked in her direction, and when they did not recognize the two people following them, they turned away again. “Hey, wait up!” Mercury shouted.

One of the clowns turned and approached. He was almost naked, and although he was slender, he was still tall and strong. He was wearing only bright red shoes and a bright red G-string thong. It bulged at the front.

“Flibbertigibbety, hello!” he said. “Did you catch our show? Is there something I can do for you? We were just heading home.”

“We’re clowns too, like you lot!” Mercury proclaimed. “We’ve been trying to find others like ourselves.”

The jester was doubtful. “You’re not dressed like us.”

“No,” Mercury confirmed, “our normal clothes got ruined, and these were provided for us, but they are not our clothes. Can we come with you?”

The clown looked annoyed at being asked. “Of course you can’t come with us! We’re going to our home, not some party, not a brothel or a pub, not another performance; we’re going home.”

“That’s what we’re trying to find,” Periwinkle declared. He looked at Mercury and then back at the jester. “We are a couple of lost clowns trying to make our way home. We’re not from… here, and we don’t know how to get back to… where we live.” He was trying not to reveal too much too quickly.

The jester scrutinized them both and said, “Wait here.” He turned his back on them, revealing his pert buttocks with the floss-thin thong that stretched up his crack and over his hips. He ran off to catch up with the rest of the group that had gotten a little way ahead. Mercury and Periwinkle watched him stop the others so the jesters could discuss the two foreign clowns. He pointed back at them, and the group looked in their direction. Mercury and Periwinkle waved and tried not to be too awkward with their smiles. One of the other jesters left the discussion and headed toward them.

“Come on over! Come tell us a little bit about yourselves.”

Mercury and Periwinkle, in their boring clothes, suddenly felt more at home in the group of people who were each dressed in a unique, bizarre, and delightful manner. Mercury and Periwinkle felt very unauthentic dressed as they were. The two outsider clowns realized several others in their group were wearing very little clothing and they tried not to stare.

“We’re both clowns also!” Periwinkle proclaimed as he and Mercury stepped up to the larger group.

“Where are you from?” one of them asked.

Mercury and Periwinkle looked at each other, and he said, “That’s proved to be a little confusing to the people who we’ve told. We’re lost, and we have no idea where we are in relation to our home. Right now, we’re just looking for other people like us who might be able to help us find our way back to where we’re from.”

A jester with little bells in his hair spoke up to the group. “We need to help them. They’re displaced jesters, and they are in need, and we’re clowns; we help those who are in need.”

Mercury and Periwinkle were glad to hear someone in the group refer to themselves as clowns.

“We’re supposed to be the best of people,” the jester continued, “even when people are at their worst. We uplift. We inspire joy. We spur creativity. We’re what’s supposed to be right and good in the world.” Turning to the two new arrivals with a sparkling jingle of bells, the individual declared, “I’m Glimdrim; I’m a femme-boi clown, and this is everyone. Everyone, say hello to…” The beautifully effeminate jester waved for Mercury and Periwinkle to introduce themselves, and his bells continued to quietly chime.

“I’m Mercury. I’m a clown inspired by toxic slime and dangerous chemicals, hence the name, atomic element number eighty on the periodic table, chemical symbol Hg,” and she repeated, “I’m Mercury! My costumes are usually black, white, and green.”

“And I’m Periwinkle, a gender-bender mutation clown.”

Glimdrim looked confused and glanced around at the rest of his troupe. “Most of us are inspired by, well, things in nature.”

All of them looked like they had taken their inspiration from the natural world, but Mercury and Periwinkle were just glad to have found friendly faces, even if their personal clown themes were not exactly aligned with those of the local jesters.

“We’re heading home for the night,” Glimdrim continued, “and we’ve decided you can join us, but do you two want to stick around in town for a while this evening to find yourselves some clowny clothes first? I’m sure a couple of us could hang out and lead you to where we live afterward. What do you think?”

Mercury and Periwinkle looked down at themselves.

“These shoes are comfortable,” Mercury replied, “but I’d love to be in an outfit that was less boring.”

“I’ll stay with you,” Glimdrim said with a smile. He turned to one of his fellow jesters. “Krizibop, you wanna stick around too, gurl? We can grab a thigelieg at Silverwinter’s place.”

Mercury and Periwinkle did not know what thigelieg was, but they were grateful to have found people who understood them.

Glimdrim addressed the rest of the group. “Why don’t we meet you all at home?”

The jesters said their goodbyes, which included quite a few hugs and air-kisses, even to Mercury and Periwinkle, and the group split up.

Glimdrim started to say, “Krizibop is a…” but he paused. “What are you, Krizibop?”

The jester named Krizibop snorted a laugh and declared, “I’m a saucy minx!”

Glimdrim let out a cackle that made Mercury and Periwinkle giggle. “Yes, you are indeed. Tell our new friends a little more,” Glimdrim urged, nodding toward the lights of Tingedale with a jangling of his bells.

The quartet turned and headed back into town.

“A little more about me,” Krizibop began, “let’s see. I like deep conversations and snuggly cuddles. I like strong booze, strong coffee, and strong lovers. I like my women like I like my men, and I like my men like I like my women!” Krizibop let out a loud howl, and the other three jumped. They all laughed.

Glimdrim pointed ahead at a sign that read Resurrectionists Secondhand Glamour Boutique, and just beyond it was another sign for Silverwinter’s Botanical Spirits. “That’s our destination,” he informed the two visitors.

They approached, and he pulled open the door to the thrift store.

“Hellooooo!” called out a very large woman behind the shop’s counter. She was stunning.

Mercury and Periwinkle immediately realized she was either a drag queen or a transgender woman, and they were both delighted to be in her presence.

“Hi!” Mercury squeaked in unison with Krizibop, who said, “Hey, Mama.”

“Hello, children, and what can Mama do for you today?”

Glimdrim flourished at Mercury and Periwinkle, and the bells in his hair rang. “We have two little lost clowns who are in need of new threads, and we knew you would be more than capable of fitting them in fancy attire.”

“Oooh,” Mama cooed, “time to play dress-up! Come along with me, you two.”

Mercury interjected, “We don’t have any money.”

“Not to worry, my dears,” Mama replied with a beaming grin. “I’ll cover you. Now, what are your names?”

“We’ll be next door at Silverwinter’s,” Glimdrim called after Mama, but she gave him a playfully dismissive wave and focused on the two clowns before her.

“Names, children,” she demanded with a flirty smile, “and then we’ll find you each something fabulous to wear!”