Arcade Junkie - 3. Chapter 3

I used to put faith in that statement, I used to believe that it was true...not anymore. To have loved and lost is by far the most terrible, most disgustingly painful feeling that anyone can possibly bear. To have tasted something so sweet, and then have it taken away from you, to feel that warm glow inside and suddenly realize that you may never feel that sensation again...that's a torture that no one else could possibly understand. Not even me. I know it sounds somewhat odd that a teenage boy would find a love so strong so young and have it be real, I know that you want to tell me it's a 'crush' or 'puppy love' or whatever you call it. But I tell you that I had found someone to love...LOVE...and he meant everything to me. Does anyone know what it was like for me to hear him laugh? Or see his smile? Does anyone understand the joy I felt talking to him, hanging out, playing games, sharing myself with him day and night. Just a phone call would have me walking on air for hours and hours afterwards. Sam was the brightest, cutest, funniest person in my life, and he could outshine anything or anyone in my life. He was so sexy, so delicious, so God awful pretty that it hurt to look at him. Then somehow, just as we were getting to the heights of our love, something changed.

I have nothing against Tyler at all. He's such an awesome guy, caring, lovable, and talk about gorgeous! He was definitely 'easy on the eyes', and on top of everything else, he was cool. He was friendly and charming and always there when we needed someone to lean on for support. I suppose that in a weird way I loved him too. Sam would always be my number one, always...but to deny any feelings for Tyler would be a lie. Sigh...that first day that I saw him walk into that arcade, his slim body illuminated by those glowing lights and his cute pouty look on his face...how could I help NOT falling for him. And to think, when the three of us actually became a 'triplet', it was like "WOW!" It was soooo unbelievable to think that I was with the two most beautiful boys in the world. But like I said, something changed.

There I was, trying to have a good time at the arcade with Ryan and Randy. They had brought along one of their buddies too, a cute kid by the name of Ariel. He was really quiet, so he must have been extremely shy, but he had this delicate, cute little way about him that just made him so adorable. Sam and Tyler were going to meet us there after stopping by my house to get some leftover tokens for the games. I don't know why I let the two of them go off together. It was so stupid of me. Sure enough, the two of them went back to my house, and no doubt never made it out of my basement. It probably just 'happened', but that's not how I pictured it. I imagined the two of them rushing home, knowing that I wasn't going to be there to get in the way. Knowing that they could ravage each other without having to make room for a third. They couldn't wait to be alone, and they were probably tongue kissing and rolling around naked at that very moment. I tried to call from the arcade, Randy was right there by my side. He had to have known what was wrong, he didn't hide it well. The first time I got no answer from the phone. I figured that they must be too busy to answer the line. It stung a little bit, but I could've been wrong. I tried a second time and got no answer again. This time, the pain turned into frustration, and that was quickly turning into anger. I slammed down the phone and tried to contain myself so as not to let Randy know how much I was hurting over this whole thing. I mean, he and Ryan had everything, they were so perfect, so beautiful together. I doubt they ever had any problems at all when it came to a relationship. How could he possibly understand what it's like for me to have Tyler, gorgeous Tyler, spending time with my boyfriend? He probably had no idea.

I decided to try one last time, just in case they had already left and were on their way or something. I dialed the number, waited for it to ring, and suddenly I was struck with something that nearly made my heart deflate and decay in a single moment. The phone line....was busy. I had call waiting, so I knew that it could only mean that it was off the hook. They....had...taken...the phone...off....the...hook. They heard it ringing, were probably annoyed by it, and had taken it off the hook. They cut me off from any form of communication, so they could only have each other. They didn't want to talk to me, they didn't want me to interfere in their lovemaking, and the thought of them both shutting me out was more than I could stand. I had to fight soooo hard to keep the tears inside. I nearly choked on my own determination to seem 'okay' about it. But Randy could obviously tell, and the knowledgeable look in his eyes made me cry, right there in front of everybody. Randy was quick to give Ryan the nod, and the four of us decided it was time to go.

We piled into the car, and I got in the front seat, hoping to keep the pain from showing. Everyone in the car was dead silent. Nobody said a word, and I felt so bad. It was like they were looking at me and shaking their heads, like they pitied me for losing out to someone else. They had to be thinking, "We have so much love for each other, it's too bad Matt will never have what we have." I could feel it. Then again, they probably didn't really care at all. What's worse, I didn't want to make a bad first impression on Ariel by coming off like some kind of oversensitive jerk. But when I sneaked a peek into the back seat, Randy was smiling at him and Ariel looked like he was about to jump from the moving car. What was THAT all about? I had never seen anybody turn that deep a shade of red from blushing as Ariel did at that moment. I could have watched to try and figure that out, but I couldn't let go of this pain in my heart, or the fear that I was going to face it in just a few minutes when Ryan dropped me off. I sat staring out of that window, and thinking about the whole relationship between me, Sam, and Tyler. I thought about everything that took place in the last month or so since we met him, the day at the arcade, my basement, the many sex sessions and lunchtime fiascoes...it was all so perfect. But when I thought about it, the last time we were alone was when Tyler went to throw that little surprise for Randy's birthday party. They must have had a load of fun at Ryan's house, because Tyler never really did tell me what happened that night. But other than that, had it really been a month? Was that the last time me and Sam were together alone? Ever since, I had been elsewhere as far as our feelings were concerned, and as I looked out of Ryan's car window on the way to my house, I started to wonder if all this was my fault.

I was getting into more activities at school, doing more stuff away from home, meeting more people, and I wasn't blessed with the great amount of free time that I had before. I missed seeing them everyday, I missed being able to be one of the gang. We were the three blond musketeers for goodness sakes. Like Hanson, but not! I never really thought about how little I had been around, I never considered the fact that the two of them would get so close without me around. I guess it was selfish, but I honestly thought in the back of my mind that without me, there WAS no Sam and Tyler. It was like I expected the world to stop for me and that every moment that I was gone, they'd be sitting around the basement asking "Where's Matt? Oh we just can't WAIT till he gets here. Let's not start without our love muffin." I never thought that the party could continue whether I was there or not. I was wrong. When I wasn't around, they talked just as much, laughed just as much, played just as much. And that didn't bother me until they started kissing and making out before I got home. It was just some harmless lip wrestling in the beginning, but soon they were having full blown sessions without me there and they just didn't seem to care anymore. I would come home and catch them french kissing each other on the couch. I would call Sam for a little private talk, and Tyler would be on the other line. Nothing had ever hurt me more than the time Sam was talking to me on the phone and he actually said to me, "I'm gonna go dude. I think I'm going to give Tyler a call and chat for a while before bed." Ouch. To think that he'd cut me short to talk to his other 'buddy' was beyond painful. I tried to let it go and not have it consume me, but they just got closer and closer. Hidden jokes were passed between them, little anecdotes and memories of times when it was just the two of them, and I was being slowly but surely pushed aside. I guess it's just stupid of me to want to be the center of attention in anybody's life. I mean I was busy all the time, I was nowhere near as pretty as Tyler, and now that they were together all the time, they had become different people somehow. Actually, what's worse was they were becoming the SAME person. And that little affair just didn't involve me at all, no matter how hard I tried to get back into our little 'circle', the two of them had just become too buddy-buddy to let me back in, even for a second. Was this my fault? Had I driven Sam away from me? Did I put my little neurotic tendencies and mind games and busy schedule so far ahead of him that he needed to turn to someone else in my absence? Or was it worse? Maybe he found something extra in Tyler that he didn't find in me at all, maybe he was really in love with Tyler from day one and I was the third wheel. I was second best in Sam's eyes. I mean, it WAS his idea to approach Tyler in the first place that day in the arcade. What if he was just using me all along? I doubted myself for a long time when they got together without me. And now it was almost a daily occurrence. They wouldn't even mention me anymore, or talk about me, or wait up for me after school. They had each other, what did they need me for? We hardly spent the time together that we used to, and when we did, all Sam could talk about was Tyler. "Tyler this" and "Tyler that" and "Tyler's such a cool friend, don't ya think?" I could only imagine what the two of them said about me while I wasn't around. In fact, I doubted they even remembered my name when I wasn't around. I should have prepared for this, I should have done something to brace myself for the pain that was about to slam into me with the force of a truck. I saw it coming, but tried to keep an open mind and pretend it wasn't real. I didn't realize that this was happening until it was too late. And the first time I realized that something was wrong was that one afternoon in the basement just a few days ago.

I had just gotten home, a little tired from helping out with the school newspaper, and naturally, Tyler and Sam were already wrapped around each other on the couch. I know I shouldn't be jealous, I mean they always made room for me to join in the fun. But it was the fact that they HAD to make room for me, or go out of their way to accept me, that really hurt. But I guess that day I was willing to overlook it. Or maybe I was just really horny. I guess Randy had gone home that day to get some posters to decorate the basement a while ago, and when he didn't come back, Ryan was going out to look for him. Geez, those two were so perfect. I never really let on, but I was just so enraptured by the two of them, and I envied what they had together. Sam and I hadn't reached that level yet, not even when we were alone. Maybe it was because we were trying to split our love three ways instead of two. Or maybe he and Tyler had it for real, and I had been fooling myself all along. Either way, Ryan and Randy were the luckiest people on earth.

As soon as I came in I saw Tyler and Sam, half naked, kissing like mad and grinding into each other. It took a few seconds before they even knew I was there. That was the first time I had really had the jealousy bug nudge me in the ribs so hard. Seeing them there like that, smacking and licking, rubbing and touching, right in front of me and not even acknowledging my existence at all, formed a tight knot in my stomach. But I ignored it and moved close enough to get their attention. Before I knew it, the three of us were naked and doing what we did best! I was leaning against the arm of the couch, my feet outstretched in front of me. Tyler was on top of Sam, who was laying on his stomach between my legs. I gave myself over to the pure pleasure of being serviced by the two of them. Tyler, with his magical, mind blowing blow jobs, was sending me into orbit, and the whole time Sam was underneath him, licking and kissing my balls. The two of them were working me over at the same time while Tyler was slowly pumping himself into Sam's tight ass, rolling his hips around erotically with every thrust. It was quite a show to watch while the two of them sucked and licked my shaft in unison. Tyler's soft tongue was rippling so amazingly under the ridge of my cock that I couldn't help but squirm and wiggle involuntarily. And Sam, Sam was moving his tongue all around my balls and around the inside of my thighs with the same expertise. He even flicked it over my asshole a few times, and it drove me wild. I wouldn't be able to hold out for long, they were both just so hot, and they turned me on beyond description.

That's when it happened, as though I had just awakened from a dream and saw the harsh reality that lie behind the smoke and mirrors. Sam made a noise, a sexy whimper that just sounded like he was enjoying Tyler's cock so much. Like the feeling of this blond angel penetrating him was more incredible than anything I could ever offer him. I then looked down to the both of them and I didn't see a threesome anymore...I saw a couple...and me. They had seemingly found each other's little pleasure spots, learned how to make each other moan in ecstasy, and they were suddenly enjoying each other more than they were enjoying me. I felt Tyler lift off of my aching cock to start kissing the back of Sam's neck while he came close to orgasm. Tyler's speed had increased, and he was covering Sam with his whole body, humping his smooth ass and getting ready for an explosive climax. He reached underneath to grab Sam's hard on and gave it some rhythmic strokes, forcing Sam's head to bury itself downward into the couch. The cushion muffled his cries as Tyler began really getting into it, sucking on Sam's ear and moaning like crazy. I watched this, and realized that Tyler had stopped sucking, Sam had stopped licking, and they were into their own thing now. They didn't care about me, they were too wrapped up in their own orgasms. It was like I wasn't even there.

I heard Tyler cry out as he pressed his cock as far into Sam as his bubbled cheeks would allow and came hard inside of my boyfriend's ass. Sam had evidently been pushed over the edge, and the two of them exploded almost simultaneously. Sam was caught up in the orgasm and the couple shook and spasmed for what seemed like an eternity while I sat and watched. I felt the jealousy bug smack me in the head and I didn't know whether to be extremely angry, or extremely hurt. He was MINE! Sam was mine! Tyler was a good addition to the group and it was a fun time, believe me, but dammit...this was still a two man act and Tyler can't have my boyfriend. No one was taking care of my needs, no one was basking in the afterglow with me, no one was making me feel good...they just laid there, kissing in my face, not even paying attention to the fact that I was still rock hard.

"That was wonderful, lover." Sam whispered before turning his head to kiss Tyler deeply on the lips. That was it, the final straw. I felt tears well up in my eyes, my heart was breaking, and they didn't even notice because they were too busy being together. They were still kissing when I wormed my way out from under them and went to the bathroom. I would have thought that me 'getting up' without 'getting off' would signal something inside one of them, but as I looked back, I saw Sam rolling over onto his back to get more of Tyler's slender body against him. And it seemed like they were already getting hard again. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door. I stared at myself in the mirror and cried. I cried because I knew that they were still exploring each other and probably didn't even know I was gone. I was slowly, but surely, being....replaced.

I wanted to just jack off, get rid of some tension and leave the basement before the waterworks got any worse and they figured me out. But when I looked down, I had already gone limp. My heart just wasn't in it, because their hearts weren't in it...not for me at least. I tried to clean myself up, but I couldn't stop crying. Every time I wiped a tear away, it was quickly replaced by another. Replaced, just like me. I grabbed my clothes from the basement floor and started getting dressed. Finally, after almost getting ALL my clothes on, Sam looked up and said, "Hey dude...where you going? You're not finished yet." He said it with such a sexy smile, such a hint of teen mischief. But I saw Tyler laying on top of him, still tonguing his neck with his eyes closed, and the hurt came back. Tyler certainly didn't care, he'd be happy to have my orgasm for me I'm sure.

"I've gotta go for a few seconds. You two...you two have fun." I tried to sound happy and fine, but saying the words 'you two' almost choked me up. Referring to the boy I loved and my best friend as 'you two' just seemed unnatural to me. I had to get out of that basement before the tears started again! I left, and heard more kissing as the door to the basement closed behind me. I have never felt so much pain as I did at that very moment.

I walked out of the house and just walked in the night air. I was stuck, between making it known how I feel and keeping it bottled up inside of me forever. Between facing Sam and making him mine and only mine again, or facing possible rejection and living with the stomach turning feeling that I walked out of that basement, basically giving my boyfriend away to Tyler. I wish they could find out how much they hurt me from someone else. I wanted them to feel bad for treating me like this and somehow run over and comfort me. I didn't think I was being a brat, I just wanted Sam to myself. We were perfect, we could have had what other people had, what Ryan and Randy have, if only I could get things back to the way they used to be. It was that afternoon that started this whole chain reaction, and led to this very second where I was sitting in Ryan's car...approaching what might be the final showdown.

The car remained silent until they dropped me off in front of my house. Randy got out of the back seat, those beautiful light brown locks blowing in the wind, those glorious eyes shining like crazy, he really was quite a catch. "You know, Matt...if you want to talk about anything later...you know my number. He said. That Randy, I swear no one had a bigger heart than he did. Funny, cute, sensitive, caring...good old Randy. His love life must be wonderful. His home life must be wonderful. I wonder if he ever had to shed a tear in his entire life, he just seemed too happy and special on the outside to have any real problems.

Trying to imitate his strength as best I could, I replied, "I'll be...fine. No matter what. Take care fellas, nice meeting you Ariel." I hope they didn't notice me shaking as I entered that house. I didn't even want to go in. I was afraid that I'd catch Matt and Tyler having anal sex again, the most intimate part of the whole experience in my book, and I'd be heartbroken all over again. And I couldn't take too many blows like that. Ryan waited until I got in the house before pulling off, and I slowly stepped inside. This was it.

I didn't know whether to make noise so they'd stop having sex and try to respect me by toning it down a little, or if I wanted to creep downstairs and catch them in the middle of some wild lustful act so I could use my anger to give me enough strength to say what I had to say. Sigh...might as well just get it over with. I went down the steps, and surprisingly, Sam was down there by himself. "Hey Matt! What's up dude?"

He was just sitting there watching TV, and I wondered if he actually thought he was fooling me. "Where's Tyler, I was sure you two would have been going at it when I came home." I said. I laughed weakly, trying to make it sound like a well-meaning joke. But I meant every word of it, and I could feel the tears coming on again, even though I fought them back with all my might.

"Hehehe, we WERE. I'm sorry about the arcade today man, but Tyler kinda got frisky when we got here, and one thing led to another, and...well, you know." He giggled. Oh God I wanted to strangle him! I wish he could trade places with me for just five minutes so I could somehow show him how much this is killing me! I nearly started crying right there, but I refused to let him win, not like this.

"You could have called me or told me something. The guys brought someone new over to meet us, and you didn't even bother to show up." I said, the anger building little by little.

"I'll get another chance. Me and Tyler didn't expect it to happen it just did. Kinda like you and me, cutie." He said kissing me on the cheek.

"It just happened huh? Funny, that happens a lot these days."

"What are you talking about? It was just one of those days, dude."

"Did you take he phone off the hook today when I called?" I asked, angry, my fists clenched, my teeth gnashed together.

"That was you? I'm sorry Matt, I didn't know. I was the one who took it off the hook, I didn't mean anything by it."

I didn't say anything else, I just kind of glared at him, wishing...praying, that I could find just one thing, just ONE, to hate. Just one tiny thing to despise that would make me stop loving him so much and just let him go. Sam looked over at me, and then he turned the TV down a little to talk to me. "Is something bothering you Matt? You can talk to me you know. If not me, then to Tyler." STOP IT!!! I thought to myself. Is that ALL he ever does??? Talk about Tyler? I fucking HATE that! He's mentioned him three times already since I've been home! I don't want to hear it anymore.

"There's nothing bothering me." I lied. I don't know why I hid my feelings from Sam, but I just felt silly. What was I gonna do? Say that I wanted him all to myself and he'd have to stop talking to every cute boy in town. It's not like we were married, he could do whatever he wanted. I felt like an asshole for even thinking that I could keep a boy as beautiful and funny and cool as Sam locked away in a tower where no one else could reach him. I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that I loved him, and that it was going to have to be all or nothing.

Sam didn't really believe me, but he decided to drop it. I was sitting next to him, and he threw an arm over my shoulder, chit chatting away and acting like everything was okay. Maybe in HIS mind everything WAS okay...but not in mine. I don't know what hurt more, the fact that he was basically seeing Tyler as his 'number one boyfriend' behind my back, or the fact that he wanted to use me as 'number 2' while he waited for Tyler to be available again. That's all I was to him now, a funny commercial between back to back episodes of "The Tyler Show". He wanted to be with him, and when he wasn't he figured he could settle for me until the blond one returned. I was only there to distract and entertain him until the true love of his life came back to take my place. I've gotta admit, self pity isn't usually my thing, but this really sucked big time!

He leaned over to kiss me on he top of my head, and gently pulled me into his chest. I didn't want to go along with it, but dammit I loved him so much. I thought maybe I could be angry, maybe I could just move to another town and never have to see the two of them again. Then one day I could come back into town with Vinnie Kartheiser or Elijah Wood on my arm and make out in front of them. That'll teach 'em! I'll get a boyfriend so cute, so cool, so smart, so...oh who was I fooling? There would never be another Sam. From day one, I just felt that connection with him, and he felt it too...he had to. We were so close, so inseparable, that it simply had to be real. I couldn't have fallen that far in love without him feeling at least a little bit of that for me too. There would be no way for me to be without him. Sam was such a large part of y life, of my personal history, without him I was only half a person. I laid there with my head on his chest, and he stroked my hair lovingly. He kissed the top of my head again and hugged me tighter, knowing something was wrong, but not exactly what. He just wanted to be there for me, to make everything alright, and he wanted me to know that. God...I was soooo in love. I began to cry silently to myself, and the more love he gave me, the more it hurt. How could he cause this pain and attempt to take it away at the same time? I needed him, I needed him so much. He kept stroking my soft sandy blond hair and I thought about how much I would miss these quiet moments alone. I'd miss his laugh, his sparkling green eyes, his thin pink lips...I'd miss it all if Tyler became his one and only. And that very thought made me start to cry even harder, so hard that I couldn't hide it anymore. He felt my body shaking and he looked down to see my face flooded with tears.

"Matt, dude...what's the matter man? Talk to me, please." He said, a look of concern on his face. Seeing his face only hurt me more. How could I just give him away like I did? I'd give up all my other activities, all my other commitments, all of forever...just to be with Sam. Where did I go wrong? I could have made up an excuse, I could have just walked away, but I knew I needed an answer. Even if it meant that he would choose Tyler and leave me behind for good, I knew I needed to have some kind of answer. Not a reason, not a promise, not a compromise...just an answer. I hated to think it, but it had to be me or Tyler, it couldn't be both, not anymore. Whether I win or lose, I can't go on like this.

"Matt, if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't help you. What has gotten you so upset these days?"

"YOU! You and Tyler, and this whole sex thing! I can't take this anymore!" I blurted out. I was hoping it would never come to this, I was hoping I could be the bigger man and just roll with the punches on this one. But my tears betrayed me, my emotions stabbed me in the back, and I found myself a sobbing wimp who probably wasn't making much sense. But I had come this far, and there wasn't any reason for me to hold back anymore.

"Me and Tyler? What about us? What did we do wrong?" Sam asked. Why couldn't he figure it out on his own, why couldn't he just come to his own conclusion? Was he gonna make me say it out loud? Fine. I will. I have no problem speaking my mind. But for some reason, nothing I was thinking made sense. All I had was questions with no answers, feelings with no reasons, I was just filled with confusion and heartbreak and it took such a scary hold on me. "Matt? If you have to talk to me about something, just tell me. Don't cry dude, I can't bear to see you cry." He said, hugging me close again. But I pushed away.

"Sam...I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I'd give anything to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I love you too..."

"Wait...let me finish." I said. I needed to get this out. "Lately, you and Ty have gotten kind of close. REALLY close. And if you love him, and you don't want to be with me anymore, then just say it okay? I love you Sam, but I won't be your second choice. I won't be anybody's second choice." I said. The tears just kept coming, I thought I was on the verge of dehydration at one point. But he had to know how I felt. I wanted him so bad it hurt, but I didn't want him to 'pretend' to like me just to keep me happy. I didn't want him to talk to me just because he feels obligated to. I didn't want a fake boyfriend, or a one way fantasy. I wanted what Ryan and Randy had, and I'd scour the earth looking for it, no mater what package it came in. "If you and me are over, then you've gotta tell me. I won't cut you guys off from using my basement or get too angry, I just...I just..." It was then that I realized that it was all a lie. I would get angry, I would stop those two from using my basement, and I would probably never speak to them ever again. I was only human, and I'd never forget how much I loved him. Never.

"Please dude, just sit down here and talk to me about this. We'll work this out. Please? I don't want to lose you Matt. Don't do this."

Sam, I love you, I really do, but I can't pretend that this doesn't hurt anymore. I'm sorry, but..."

"Don't you say it. Don't you dare." He said, tears spilling over his eyes. "Matt...'sob'...why are you doing this? I love you so much."

"And what about Tyler?" I asked.

Sam looked down at the floor, trying to work it all out in his head. He was staring off into space, and after a short pause, he said, "I...I guess...I love him too." Hearing him say that almost caused me to die of heartbreak right then and there, but I kept up a strong front, even through my tears.

"Sam, I want to be with you, for always...but...I just can't play this game of tag anymore. I'm sooo sorry, but I have to do this." It was the worse thing I had ever said in my life, and the hurt on his face caused a stabbing pain to travel through my heart. I stood up and Sam just sat there for a few seconds. Tears stained his angelic face, his eyes were completely blank, as though someone had just told him his entire life was over. He just kept staring at the floor, and then he finally stood up very slowly. He couldn't look me in the eye, but he knew that I was basically asking him to leave. I felt like an asshole, but I was just so hurt by the whole thing that I just couldn't see myself trying to put up with this for another ten or twenty years. Wondering, "Does he really love me?", "Am I his number one now?", or "If Tyler weren't around, could we be as happy as Ryan and Randy?" They were questions that I was tired of asking, a pain I simply didn't want to live with anymore.

Sam walked over to me, very slowly, on shaky legs. He wrapped his arms lovingly around my neck and he whispered, "I love you Matt. I'll never stop loving you, and if this is what you want, I do it only to make you happy...even if it's killing me." He hugged me tighter, with all his might, not wanting to let go. "Please just tell me this is all a nightmare...and any minute I'm going to wake up and be in your arms."

I didn't answer him, I just returned the hug and whimpered quietly into his neck. I couldn't make him that promise, I wanted to sooo badly, but I couldn't. If he chose me, or Tyler, it didn't matter, but one of us was going to have to move on. The only question was who? When I didn't answer, Sam cried out loud into me, hugging me even tighter than before, and I felt his silver tear drops soak my shirt. I never thought a break up would be this hard.

We stayed like that for a good ten minutes before Sam backed up and wiped the tears from his eyes. He kissed me sweetly on the lips, and I watched as he sadly walked up the stairs, and out of my basement. "Please" I thought to myself, "Please choose me."

I cried all night, all the way through to the next morning. In my mind, it was like it was already over. I'd lost, lost out to Tyler. There's no way that I could make love like he did, or look as cute, or be as sensitive, or fun to be with as Tyler. There was no doubt that Sam would be looking at the pluses and minuses, and I knew the choice would be easy. I would miss his love so much, his voice, his touch, his kiss...sigh...I wish I could just stop thinking about it for a little while. I got up, plastered on a fake smile for the 'masses', and trotted off to school. This was going to be a long day indeed.

The whole place was empty that day as far as my friends were concerned. Ryan and Randy never showed up, no doubt having another one of their romantic getaways. Great, like I needed to be thinking of a perfect couple at a time like this. What bothered me even more was the fact that Sam and Tyler had disappeared too. And the thought that they were somewhere else...together...nearly caused me to break down right in the middle of class. I went to lunch and figured I'd eat by myself seeing as everyone else was madly in love, and was pleased to see Ariel sitting at our table. I said hello and sat down, trying to be happy, but as shy as he was, Ariel seemed to catch on to me right away.

"Did everything go okay yesterday?" He said, almost in a whisper.

I tried, I tried to say it all went fine and that everything was coming up roses again, but it just didn't seem like the lie was worth it. I started to tear up again but held it back. "No...I don't even know if he feels the same way about me anymore. I don't know what to do. It's my fault, I never should have just LET him and Tyler get away from me. I never should have made him choose. I mean I only had a little bit of his attention, but some was better than nothing. Oh Ariel I can't believe I've lost my boyfriend. No one is ever going to love me the way Sam did. Nobody." I blurted it out, quietly, but uncontrollably. However, after the initial explosion of my ramblings, I looked up and saw a look of utter shock on Ariel's face. Fear, confusion, surprise...his eyes displayed them all at once. That's when it sunk in...Ariel had NO idea that I was gay.

"B-b-but...so you mean...?" Ariel stuttered. It had never occurred to me that Ariel might be in the dark about what was going on with the five of us. I just figured that when Ryan and Randy brought him along, when Randy was smiling at him in the car, I thought he was 'one of us'. So not only did I lose my boyfriend, but I just accidently outed myself to a perfect stranger.

"I'm sorry....I thought you knew....about us. Look, if you're weird with this, I understand."

"Can...can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to." Ariel said, blushing and looking at his hands. I said it was cool and he asked me, "Is...um...is...Randy...uh...you know...like, is he..." He couldn't finish his sentence, there was something strange happening. He was shaking, sweating, blushing...omigod. This poor kid was in love. Oh wow, I never saw it before, but Ariel was definitely in love, I could see it in his face.

"Uh...yeah. But don't tell him I told you okay. It's really not my place to say." I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I figured he'd understand. Great, now I'm outing other people too. Could I get anymore worthless?

"Really? He is? You're sure?" He said excitedly. Yep, it had to be love.

"Yes."

"You're SURE?"

"Yes."

"C'mon...you wouldn't lie to me would ya? You're absolutely, positively sure that he's gay? No fooling?"

"Hehehe, YES already!" Something about the bashful grin on his face just made me feel good for a split second. It looked like he was holding back from shouting out 'YAHOO' or something. He suddenly got up without finishing his lunch and smiled down at me with the biggest grin I had ever seen.

He was getting ready to run off, or maybe even skip, but he stopped and suddenly got really serious. "It'll be okay, you know. I've never met Sam or Tyler, but if you felt that strongly about each other, it must be worth saving. Love is energy...it can't be created or destroyed, it just changes shape." Then he just walks away. I was really surprised. It was like he was suddenly channeling an ancient spiritual love god or something. This quiet kid who hardly says much of anything without provocation, drops a heavy bomb on me like that and just walks away like he told me to tie my shoe. There's more to that boy than meets the eye.

I thought about that line over and over throughout the rest of the day. 'Love is energy, love is energy, love is energy.' 'It just changes shape.' Geez, for some odd reason that just made so much sense to me. My love for Sam, his love for me, our love for Tyler, it was constantly changing shape, forever altering itself every single day. It didn't solve my problem, but it did put it in a whole new perspective. No matter how this thing turned out, maybe life would go on for the better.

School went by rather slow that day. There was no one for me to talk to really. I had never realized how many people I had left out of my life just to be with Sam. I guess when you're in love, it stops being about giving a piece of yourself to someone else...but in fact becoming someone else. No one else could ever understand me on the same level as Sam did, how could they? I was actually anxious to get out of school that day, hoping to come home and find Sam waiting for me, but the closer it got to the end of the day I began to realize the fact that he might not be there at all. What if he didn't choose me? What if I had been gone too long, so long that his heart found comfort in Tyler's embrace? What if this fantastic dream world of mine came crashing down around me this afternoon? This could be it, this could be the day that Sam and Matt define their love for each other and realize that it's stronger than me and my ultimatums. I thought about it more clearly, and the fear of not knowing rattled me a bit. It wouldn't be much longer.

Finally the bell rang and I was on my way home. Wondering if I could deal with it if Sam chose Tyler. Wondering if I could change and be better if Sam chose me. As I approached my house, the butterflies in my stomach went wild. I couldn't hate them if they left me, I'd be eternally heartbroken. But what if Tyler hated ME? What if I became the bad guy and had stolen someone that he loved away? Too many questions. I didn't want to lose, I didn't want to win...I just wanted it to be over, once and for all.

The house was empty, neither Sam nor Tyler in sight. I searched around the basement for a while to see if they were just somewhere else, but they weren't. There was no one there. I slowly walked back to the couch, every step reminding me of a good time that Sam and I shared, a laugh, a great story, a loving hug, a hidden secret...and I plopped down in the middle. I sat in silence and stared at the floor until the tears in my eyes blurred it out of my vision. I had lost, it was over. Sam and Tyler had obviously spent the day together and realized that what they had was strong enough to where they didn't need a third person. He didn't even want to tell me to my face that he ad chosen someone else. But then again, if he had, it might have hurt me twice as much. I couldn't help it, and I didn't hold back at all, I leaned over and slammed my face into the cushions of the couch and bawled my eyes out. Hitting the couch, soaking it with my tears, almost screaming out of frustration. Love doesn't happen as often as people think, and I had just lost my first true soul mate. And you know what the worst part was? I didn't know when, or even IF, I'd ever be filled with that warm light ever again. I had never felt so hurt, and the more I tried to get it out, the more the pain seeped in from the outside. I was angry, I wanted to get up and trash the entire basement, swing my arms and fight off this unbearable pain. But what would it prove? What would it solve? In the end, no one would be missing out except for me.

I heard the doorbell ring about a half hour later. The tears had run dry, and I just laid on that couch, staring off into nothingness, wishing I had done so many things differently. I ignored the first two times, but on the third, I found the strength to get up and attempt to look normal as I went to answer the door. I opened it, and it was Sam, standing there looking as though he had been crying as long and as hard as I had. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I said. We both walked down to the basement in complete silence. Both of us looking quite pitiful indeed. I was shaking, I had already come to the conclusion that we were through, but now I was going to hear it from his own mouth. I braced myself for the worst as we sat side by side on the floor by the couch. We didn't say anything at first, we just couldn't seem to get anything started. Sam finally got enough courage to look me in the eye, and he started talking again.

"You know, it hasn't even really been that long, but it seems like we've known each other our whole lives already. We just have this...'history', you know?"

"Yeah. I guess we do." I answered.

"Remember that time, when we first sat on this basement floor? We were reading those comic books, I even remember which one, it was Captain. America #350, the special addition one. I just remember sitting here, thinking, dreaming, and just being so drawn in by you. I wanted you so bad that it didn't even matter to me if you were gay or not. If I could have just tasted you one time, I would have been happy."

"Yeah," I giggled at the memory, "You kept giving me the signals..."

"...And you kept pushing them away. I thought I had you when I got down on the floor with you, but then you jumped up and asked me..."

"Do you want a coke?" We both said in unison. Then we both laughed because the memory had become so vivid, like it had just happened yesterday. Then Sam's face got serious, and he said, "You were so beautiful Matt. I never thought a total stranger could free me the way you did. Thank you."

I began to worry when he said that. He seemed to get nervous, fidgety, and I knew that whatever he had to tell me, was going to either make or break my heart indefinitely. "Matt...I suppose you noticed....I wasn't in school today."

"Yeah..."

"Then...you probably already know that I...I.." Ouch, this hurt me so much. But he had to say it, once and for all so I could finally let it go. "...I was with Tyler all day long."

That was it, the decision has been made. Funny, but tears didn't seem to be enough for what I felt at that moment. But that didn't stop them from falling anyway. "I understand..."

"Matt, wait. I have to say this. I spent every moment of last night thinking about what we had, what Tyler and I have, and what Randy and Ryan have. I tried to weigh everything fairly, and I decided that being with Tyler today was the best thing. I didn't go over to have sex, I went over there this morning to talk to him about my feelings for him...and also about my feelings for you. And in the end, there was no contest. Matt, I love you with my heart and soul, and there is no one who could ever take your place in my life. Not emotionally, spiritually, and certainly not sexually. You were the first boy I ever fell in love with, the first one to ever welcome me into his heart without shame, and I want to give you all of me. Not just the parts that I don't share with Tyler. Matt, you asked me to make a choice, and I choose you. Please forgive me."

Was...was he saying what I thought he was saying? Did Sam pick ME??? I just sat there, stunned, dazed, and then suddenly overjoyed. To choose me over Tyler was the sweetest most wonderful things he ever could have done for me. I felt a jittery rumble in my stomach, a burst of joy that felt like it was straining to get out, ready to explode. I got up and leapt crazily into his arms, hugging him tightly and almost knocking him over onto his back! "Oh Sam! I love you! I love you sooo much!" His arms wrapped around me, and we embraced so tightly that our souls joined once again, just like they had for the very first time. He giggled a little bit, feeling my joy wash over him and tears of happiness poured out of him. I never wanted to let go, I never wanted to be away from him again. Finally, I believe, I believe in love, and it was magnificent.

We kissed, a few frantic pecks at first, but then long sensuous lip locks that sent me to cloud nine, where the two of us belonged. No competition, no insecurities, just a single heartbeat shared between two teen boys in the privacy of love. Sam gently clutched both sides of my face and stared into my eyes, his jade emeralds shining like glass marbles, and he whispered, "Whatever wishes you may have, whatever dreams you need fulfilled, I'll be here to make them a reality. For now, and forever." The words touched me in a way that no other ever could, and we kissed with more emotion than we ever had before. We made out for a long time, our tongues sliding past one another for what seemed like hours. And he second I came up for air, Sam whispered, "Take me."

We undressed each other slowly, taking off each piece of clothing with extra care, and when we were both naked we just stared at each other for a few seconds. Seeing him like that, from head to toe, completely nude and fully erect, there was no more perfect picture in the world. I told him exactly that, and his reply was, "The picture isn't perfect without you in it." And with that, he sat back on the couch, and beckoned me forward with an open mouth. I approached him and he instantly slid my 6 inches into his mouth as though they had belonged there all along. I shivered with lust as I entered his hot wet mouth, his sweet lips clenching around the shaft, the breath from his nostrils breezing through my pubic hairs. I moaned as I slowly ground my hips into his face, one hand on the back of the couch and the other entangled in his golden blond hair. His hands moved up and down my slender thighs and soon travelled up to my ass cheeks to bring me in further to his face. There was a quiet sucking noise being made with every thrust, and the sound of our breathing, perfectly synchronized, let me know that Sam was it, he was the one. I reached behind me to grab his stiff member and stroked it a few times. He whimpered a little and the feeling it gave him forced him to suck harder. His stomach muscles tensed up with every stroke, and his hands squeezed a handful of my ass tightly. I had to stop now before it was too late. So I regretfully pulled myself from his moist lips, and kissed him passionately as I lowered my knees to the floor in front of him. I scooted him to the edge of the couch, and gently placed angel kisses on his thighs as I lifted his legs to my shoulders. The hazy look on his face was soooo sexy, and I knew that he was really close to blowing. But before I entered him, I just had to get a little taste. Just a little one.

I held his legs on my shoulders as I moved my head down to lick and suck the tip of his succulent cock. Then I took the head inside and swirled my tongue around it before taking it all in. Sam was so hot and bothered at this point that I couldn't go more than three or four bobs before he pulled me off of him. His body was spasming, at the very EDGE of orgasm, and he didn't want it to happen without me. I moved up and kissed him, my saliva drenched cock moving into position by itself. It already knew what to do. I stopped kissing his soft lips and had to almost bite down on his neck when his hands reached under his legs to place the head of my cock at his tight opening. His hands massaged it for a few seconds, reaching all the way down to the balls, and with the slightest pressure, I slid into him halfway. He gasped, and brought his hands back up to grab me by the head and bring me in for another steamy lip lock. As we kissed, I slid in another half inch, then another, then another, very slowly. With every progression, our kissing got more intense, until we were almost swallowing each other whole. Finally, I felt his perfect round cheeks resting against my thighs, the back of his legs running all the way up to my shoulders. I broke our kiss to lick the smooth flesh of his legs, sucking on the tender calves and tasting every sweet inch of my adorable blond lover. I licked at his feet and toes and then stared into his eyes as I slowly pulled out of his ass and pushed back in again. I was suddenly bathed in his delicious heat. His taut ass clenched around me and with every thrust I could feel the constricted ring sucking me back in for more. My thrusts got faster and faster and my balls were slapping against his ass, I was getting close, and my mind went blank. I allowed my animal instincts to take over and Sam and I were like to animals, moaning and groaning as we coupled there on the couch. It was coming fast, and he could feel it. Sam began to heighten the climax by wiggling his ass around under me, and he clenched the cheeks tightly, doing miraculous things to me that I never even thought possible. He was holding back as much as he could, but soon it was too much and he came all over his soft stomach without even touching himself, causing his head to thrash back and forth wildly. I came at the same time, my final thrust going as deep into Sam's body as it possibly could. I almost got a cramp in both legs as my body tensed and my feet curled up. I came over and over, hard, long strings of sticky cum exploded from inside of me. I never thought I'd stop! Then, when the orgasm had subsided and the eruptions had ceased, I collapsed on top of Sam, and let his legs hit the floor as I laid my head on his chest.

Sam went back to lovingly stroking my hair, just like he did the day before, and we shared a few intimate moments in silence, experiencing the wonderful glow that we shared between us. It was pure magic. After an hour or so, when the sun had set completely and the basement was too dark to see, Sam told me he loved me, and I did the same. We held each other close for a long time, and for once I knew what it was like to have what Ryan and Randy have. For that moment, I wasn't jealous anymore, I wasn't afraid, I had my own love to look out for now. Sam and Matt were a two man team again, and there was nothing but bright days ahead, I was sure of it.