The Secret Life of Billy Chase 6 - 39. Chapter 39

Saturday

- I certainly hope that me going over to Bobby Jinette's house tonight did him some good! Seriously! I have absolutely no idea what the hell is wrong with that boy. I could barely contain my frustration while I was taking to him. I physically reached out, grabbed both of his shoulders and SHOOK the shit out of him! And I'm willing to bet that a week from now, he's gonna go right back to doing the same old shit all over again. Arrrgh!

I probably could have gotten laid today. Instead, I'm trying to give Bobby lessons on how to not be so rude to Ian and actually TRY to make an effort to give him some fucking attention. I mean...how hard is this? Is he kidding me?

I swear...if he keeps being silly about this, I'm gonna take Ian home and screw him myself. Why not? Bobby's being a jerk.

So, like...let me just say this....

I had planned to just stay home and just lounge around the house this morning. At least that was the plan last night. But, honestly? When I woke up this morning, after the hot sex I had with Lee last night, I was already horny before I even opened my eyes. I wanted more. A LOT more. It was the first thing on my mind when I got out of bed. I automatically started thinking about ways that I could get some. Couldn't help myself, really.

It was at that moment that I realized that I actually had a 'selection' of boys that I could go to for sex. I mean...now that feelings don't matter, I could fuck whoever I wanted to and not really worry about what happens after. Soooo many complications were suddenly removed from the equation now. Just sex. Just feeling good. Like Jimmy said. That opened up a whole new world of opportunities for me all of a sudden. It was kinda weird at first, but I think I could get used to this.

Sam was the closest boy to me, and he was the first one that I called. I'm still kinda new at being so...'sexually careless'...so I didn't wanna just make it sound like...you know...'Hey! Let me come over and suck your dick! I'm horny!' I think that would have been strange coming from me. But at the same time, I was kinda anxious, and wished that I didn't have to go along with the pretense that I wanted anything else from him. I mean, he's still my best friend and all...but if I could just go over, drop my pants, fuck him, and leave without anything more than a goodbye kiss...it would have been fine with me. Seriously. Imagine how much time I could save if I didn't have to pretend to give a damn.

I feel bad writing that in this book, but it's the truth. I don't think I've ever viewed Sam in that way before. But I swore that I wasn't going to care about anybody anymore, and that includes Sam. So...I'm just going to push that guilt right out of my head and deal with it later. If at all.

I called him up this morning, using my 'I want you' voice. Hehehe! I was kinda hoping he'd be just as frisky as I was once I took the initiative and started things off.

I wasn't so lucky. Guess he wasn't into it.

Sighhh...whatever. He kept telling me that he couldn't really have anybody over, because his mom was there and he was still grounded until Monday. He didn't want to screw up and get it extended for another week. I won't lie...I was disappointed. Sam would have been my very first choice for some sweet loving today. But since he's being all 'distant' about it....I figured that I'd give him his space and find myself somebody else who was a little more into being naughty today. I needed it...and Sam's being his usual 'on and off' self again as usual.

I was thinking about calling Lee again. I don't know if his mom would be around or not, but if I could just get like...ONE hour alone with him, I'd rock his world. I was humping my pillow just thinking about it. Hehehe! But then...my phone rang.

I saw Brandon's number on the caller ID. I should have talked to him....but I didn't. Not today. I'll call him back later. Or...well, now I guess I'll call him back tomorrow. It's kinda late.

Don't get me wrong, I love Brandon with all my heart. I do. But...he wasn't a part of the plan for today. I wanted to get naked with some hot boy and have him sex me CRAZY! I wanted us to cum all over each other and kiss and cuddle until it was time for us to go at it again. I was craving some serious sexual contact, and nothing else.

If I had talked to Brandon...I mean...whatever. He would have whined about Stevie and his problems and we might have ended up being 'friendly' and all. There's nothing wrong with that. We can share a few friendly laughs and stuff. But...I REALLY would rather be talking dirty to Lee and making plans to get together for sex some time soon. I would rather be getting hot and sweaty with some hottie than chit chatting with Brandon about...you know...nothing.

I'm just....I'm feeling like my life is going in that direction right now. I'm soooo tired of making the best out of what I've got. Which, let's be honest...wasn't much more than the kind of buddy buddy friendship that I could share with any stranger on the street. There are CUTE boys around here! They want sex, I want sex...so let's have sex? What the hell am I getting all emotional for? It just gets in the way.

Anyway, my mom was going to the mall for a new mop and some weird shit that she thought we needed for the kitchen and the bathroom. I don't know...it's the kind of stuff mom's worry about. The stuff that goes totally unnoticed by the men in any household. You wanna know when I would make the decision to get a new mop for the house? When the old mop had been broken in half, ALL the strings were missing, and it was absolutely UN-USEABLE by human hands! That's when. Actually...not even then! I'd throw the mop in the trash, and then wait until my feet were literally sticking to the floor's filth before I deemed it time to buy a new mop. But...whatever. Moms. Who knows what they're thinking?

So, naturally, we get to the mall, and the FIRST thing I do is get as far away from her as the walls of the shopping mall will allow. I'm wandering around on my own, and guess who I just happened to run into? Ian! It was a bit of a surprise because I had never seen him in the mall before. But then again, if I had, I wouldn't have known who he was. So maybe I just never paid attention to him before.

He's like, "Billy? Dude, what's up?" He's so friendly. He has this smile that just...makes you feel good, you know? It's just plain cute. Not to mention extremely contagious.

We kinda started talking a little bit, and I asked him if he had seen or talked to Bobby Jinette. I'm still really in the cheering section for those two getting together. They'd make an awesome couple if they just found a way to 'connect', you know?

When I mentioned Bobby...even though he was quick to hide it from me...I actually saw a physical change in Ian's posture. And not a good one.

I was like, "Did I say something wrong?"

And Ian was like, "No. Not at all. It's cool."

I said, "Is he coming out to meet you or something? Or maybe you guys are hanging out this weekend?" But Ian shook his head. It struck me as odd. I asked him, "Why not?"

He just kinda shrugged his shoulders. He tried to avoid the subject, but I was like, "You should ask him to come out some time. Bobby loves the mall. You two would have fun."

And this was the part that started to get me angry. Ian says, "I did. I asked him on Thursday in school. And I sent him an email about it last night."

I was like, "What did he say? Was he busy or something?"

Again, Ian shrugged his shoulders. He was like, "I wouldn't know. Bobby didn't even answer me. I guess he wasn't interested. So I came by myself."

Now THAT really infuriated me. It really did. Ian was REALLY cute, and a sweet guy to boot...and Bobby just totally blew him off! AGAIN!!! What the fuck was his PROBLEM??? I thought he was trying to get better at this!

I mean, I talked to Ian for a bit longer before my mom came to get me. She finished shopping a lot sooner than I had expected, but despite the big disappointment, Ian smiled and said hi to my mom and we traded goodbyes before I had to go. But I was seeing red the rest of the way home. Most boys would KILL to have a boy like Ian be interested in them, and Bobby just treats him like SHIT!!! Why is he walking around the mall all by himself, without so much as a return email from Bobby to tell him why he totally rejected him this weekend? That just sucks!

I could have let it go. I could have tried to call Lee so I could go over there and suck his brains out. But I was so upset that I couldn't let it go. I called Bobby up and told him that I was coming over whether he liked it or not! Asshole! What the FUCK is he doing???

The second I got there, Bobby gave me the weirdest look. I pushed my way past him and walked straight to his room. He was already online at the time, and I sat him down at his computer and said, "Open up your email. Right now."

He's like, "What?"

I'm like, "Open your email. Just open it!" He did what I asked, and I said, "Go to your 'Trash' folder." He opened it up, and there were like SIX emails from Ian in there. SIX! As soon as I gave Bobby an evil look, he knew what I was steamed about.

He's like, "Billy...I TALK! I did! I answered some of his emails..."

I'm like, "Did Ian invite you to go to the mall with him today?" Bobby was quiet for a moment, so I asked him again. "Bobby? Did Ian invite you to go to the mall with him today?"

He's like, "I think so...."

I said, "And what did you tell him?"

Bobby's like, "I don't really remember."

I'm like, "Gee. That's funny. Because Ian does. You said fucking NOTHING! That's what you said." It was soooo hard to not smack him. I swear. I moved his mouse over one of the emails. It was very simple, very short. I said, "Here....read this email." He looked at it, but I said, "NO...read it out loud. Read it."

Bobby read, "Hey Bobby! I'm watching 'Night of the Creeps' right now! Omigod, it's been forever since I've seen this movie! LOL! Are you watching it?"

So I look at him, and I say, "Now stop for a second. What are you thinking right now?" He asked me what I was talking about, and I said, "You JUST read that email from this boy that you supposedly 'like'...what are you thinking about what he just told you?"

Bobby was like, "I don't know. I guess it's cool. I like that movie. I've seen it a hundred times before. I know it almost word for word."

I stared him right in the face, and I said, "ALRIGHT THEN!!! So why couldn't you put that thought into an email and send it to him? Were you too busy to take ten seconds and type out EXACTLY what you just told me? Why the fuck are you reading his emails, thinking about it in your head, and not letting him know what's on your mind? WHY? What's the secret? He's trying to talk to you...and you'd rather be an asshole and hurt his feelings than take a few seconds of your precious time to respond to him."

Bobby was like, "I get NERVOUS! Ok? I don't know what to say to him..."

I said, "You *DO* know what to say to him! You just TOLD me!!!" I shouted. "You say, 'Hey Ian! I LOVE that movie! I've seen it a hundred times! I know it word for word!' Instead of bottling it up in your head where it's not doing anybody any good...you type it into an email and you SEND it to him! Do you have any idea how much it would mean to him if you could just do that for him? I can't believe that you're being so rude. So selfish. This isn't difficult. You think it, you type it into an email, you send it back to him. That's how you have a conversation! You're BLOWING it!" There are times when I don't want to push too hard, but....dammit! I don't get Bobby at all. "Listen to me, Bobby....and I really want you to think about this..." I said. "When Ian writes to you...and you ignore him, when you don't answer him directly...he thinks that you don't care. He thinks you're not interested. You are purposely hurting his feelings. PURPOSELY! You see your trash folder right here? That's SIX times that you've hurt his feelings. Six times that you've broken his heart. Because it shows that you don't give a shit. Six times, Bobby. Look at 'em. I saw Ian today, walking around the mall all by himself, wondering why Bobby couldn't take two seconds to tell him whether or not he wanted to come out and spend some time with him today. So while you're sitting here, scared and nervous and trying to run away from the situation...you're driving Ian away. And I'm not gonna lie, you suck for that. Seriously. If you're gonna be too scared to talk to him, then it's not fair for you to lead him on. Just let him go. He could be chasing some other boy who's not soooo terrified of talking that he'd rather break his heart than pay attention to what he's trying to say to you. Stop wasting his time."

Bobby seemed like he felt really bad about it, and he asked, "What am I supposed to do?"

I said, "You're supposed to PUSH yourself, Bobby. PUSH! When Ian sends you an email, and he asks you a question....answer it. If you get scared and feel like running away, or you want to just ignore it because you're scared to say anything, I want you to think about how much it's gonna really HURT him to have you ignore him again. Every time he tries to spend time with you, and you get scared, I want you to PUSH yourself! I want you to FORCE yourself to talk to him. He mentions a movie you talk to him. And talk to him ABOUT the movie! Not something else that's 'safe'. He's trying to find some common ground with you. So do it. Stop being a pussy...and do it. You read something, and you get an idea in your head on how to respond....then RESPOND!!! Don't just think it and not say anything. That's stupid. SAY it! TELL him! TALK to him! PUSH yourself to make an effort. And every time you delete something from him or run away from him, just remember that you're kicking him in the nuts and causing him a lot of unnecessary pain for no reason other than you're 'nervous' about what to say. Alright?"

Yeah, I was harsh, but to hell with him. He should have seen how hurt Ian was this morning. I was heartbroken, and I barely even know him. I swear, if Bobby keeps doing this, I'm gonna fuck Ian. I just am. It would serve Bobby right. And Ian's hot anyway. I'd love a piece of that. Keep screwing up, Bobby. You're gonna end up being so 'safe' that you're gonna miss out on a real cutie. I'm gonna make sure of that.

Anyway, I'm going to bed. I don't care how 'grounded' Sam is, I'm gonna try my best to get over there tomorrow. If his mom so much as takes a mid afternoon nap, I'm gonna crawl in Sam's bedroom window and get my sex this weekend. I will NOT go back to school on Monday without some more nookie.

You know, I got a thought, and I sorta wrote to Randall tonight too. You know...hehehe...just because.

WHAT? Randall's my friend too!

Actually...he's really cute too. And I know that he's into fooling around with boys, soooo....I'm just saying. If one day he feels like having some company, and Lee is busy...why not go over and keep him company. You know? I wouldn't min getting on my knees for him a few times. I like his eyes too. I don't know. I just thought it might be hot. I just sent a friendly email to say hi. I'll see what he says later.

Ok, that's enough for now. I'm running out of space in this book. I wanna have some room for later. See ya soon.

- Billy