The Secret Life Of Billy Chase 8 - 8. Chapter 8

Friday

- I think it will take some more time...(Well, it's only been TWO days so far, including today! Soooo....DUH!) but I think I might actually be able to find a clever way to get more involved with the people I work with at the record store. Yes, I'm well aware that most people don't listen to records anymore. But everybody else around here calls it the record store, so that's what I'm calling it. I mean, who goes out of their way to correct you about something like that when they know DAMN well what you mean? Don't be a douche! :P

I just feel like I want to talk more to everybody. They seem so cool to me, but in this totally different way from what I'm used to. I think I just really get a kick out of meeting these new people and personalities and watching them interact with one another. They seem like this really tight knit tribe of villagers in a way, and they have fun just being around each other...even when they're fussing about...you know...'stuff'. I just wish that I felt like I was more a part of it all, instead of just being this silent, lame, observer from the outside. I haven't found a way to really mesh with everybody else yet, but I'm super anxious about it because I think it would be SO cool to be a part of their social dynamic in this place. The atmosphere there is really a departure from what I spent so much time getting used to in my first froshman year in high school. They...hmmm...intrigue me, I guess. I'm just a total geek when it comes to new adventures sometimes. Hehehe! So sue me! I wanna play too! Seriously! I DO!

I didn't see Robin today at all. So that was a bit of a relief, but I think I'm still a bit worried about that whole situation coming to light before I have a chance to stop it at its source. I don't know...it's just something that I didn't expect to be this close to ever again. At least not when it came to getting my first job. I guess I've gotten lucky so many times that I half expected Robin and AJ to just sort of 'go away'. Luck runs out for us all after a while, it was bound to my turn right about now.

I just...I wonder. You know? Or, like...I thought about it. JUST for a quick second!

I'll never say this out loud, but I'll write it here and forget about it as soon as I confess...

...It's just that Robin had one really hot, really tight, ass on him. And, on top of that (Pun intended) he seriously LOVED sex!!! He could never get enough of it! He gave it to me without any restriction whatsoever and was already for more. Then again, Jimmy's the same way. So I guess I'm not really 'doing without' or anything like that. But...even if it's just for a quick second, and rapidly dismissed the moment my brain realizes what the hell I'm doing to myself and my sensibilities...there's still a part of me that wishes I could penetrate that sweet, constricted, hole just ONE more time! Just once! Like...I wish I could get the opportunity to really fuck Robin HARD! Just...totally immerse myself in the moment and screw that ass with the actual knowledge that it would be the last taste of him that I'd ever get. Like...hehehe, I don't know...a totally hot 'goodbye' fuck or something. Is that naughty? Probably. But it's what I was thinking. And it was easier to fantasize without Robin standing right there in the store with me to make me feel guilty about it all.

The funny thing is...I half expected to feel really guilty for even entertaining the thought. I mean, Jimmy and I have been working together on building something special, you know? I mean...sure, we got horny and stripped naked to bang each other senseless a few times...but that was just a spontaneous (and FUN!!!) part of the process. There wasn't anything necessarily 'slutty' about it. We were just hot for each other. I don't know if there's a gay teen rule book out there that governs over what is acceptable and what isn't....but I'm pretty sure that a little harmless hanky panky between buds is allowed before we promise forever to one another. I'm 15 years old. 'Forever' is a long LONG way off for me. And I had no intentions of holding Jimmy's hand at the frozen yogurt shop and talking about puppies until we were out of college. Hehehe, he had an erection, I had an erection, we BOTH like erections. What's the big deal?

I don't know...maybe when I'm 30 or older, I'll understand why sex is supposedly so bad. So 'senseless', even. I don't think I'm damaged and bitter enough about life and love to get the hint. At least not yet. Maybe the powers that be are waiting with baited breath for me to get hurt again. Maybe that makes them happy somehow.

ANYWAY...

I noticed that Jimmy had called my house before I got off from work, but I didn't get a chance to call him back. I know it's only been a few days, but....I kinda want to get some more snuggles in some time soon. I've got tomorrow off...maybe we can work something out.

I've been trying to learn a bit more about my co-workers by observing them from afar. I hope they didn't notice me eavesdropping or staring from across the room or anything.

There's a really shy guy that works at the store with me named Garrett. He's taller than me, short brown hair and glasses. I assumed that he was brand new like me, but apparently he's been working there for almost a year and a half now. Which was strange, because he was really sort of isolated from everybody else. Not that they rejected him or anything. He was just extremely quiet. I noticed that if anyone tried to talk to him for longer than a few seconds, he would begin to turn away from them. And then he'd act like he had work stuff to do somewhere else in the store. I think people just make him nervous or something. Nobody seemed to really care one way or another, though. Everybody just sort of let him be on his own. Geez, and I thought Bobby Jinette was shy.

Then there's Taylor. He's not really what I would call a mean spirited person...but he always seems slightly frustrated with something. As if he's just a few breaths away from a full blown rant about...something. I haven't figured out what just yet, but you can hear it in his tone of voice. Taylor is in a band called 'Liquor On Sunday', and the others described it as a 90's alternative sound with splashes of 'new' tossed in. I'm not sure what that means, to be honest, but hey...it would be cool to be in a band. Taylor works the middle sections of the store most of the day. He can be a bit of a music purist. Purist being a nicer way of saying snob or elitist. Hehehe! I wasn't going to say anything, but Ollie and Terell were quick to let me know that I wasn't far off my mark. Apparently, he's famous for his long monologues on the fall of good music and the garbage the industry puts on the shelves. Terell says he's surprised that Taylor can bring a backpack to work and still keep that balanced chip on his shoulder day in and day out. Hehehe, still, I don't think there was anybody in that place that I didn't like. So, spectator or not...I felt like I was having an awful lot of fun.

The manager, Scott, had me just collecting people's bags and stuff at the door...again. Sighhh...bummer. He was like, "It's Friday, and we might get a little busy later on. So just keep an eye on things, keep the counters clean, and the next time you come in, I'll show you a bit more about working the floor, ok?" Just collecting bags all day can be kinda boring, but since the novelty of even having a job hasn't worn off yet, it didn't get to me too badly.

All in all, it was a decent day. But like I said, I can't say that I know anybody well enough to really feel accepted yet. Besides, being stuck at the bag check counter doesn't even allow me the freedom of walking around the store to look at stuff. At least that would be a bit more entertaining. Like...all day shopping. How fun would that be?

I looked at inbox tonight, and I never did send a message back to Lee. Just to say...'hi'. Or...or 'thanks'. Honestly, I didn't know what I wanted to say. It made me uncomfortable just thinking about the fact that no matter what I replied with, I'd probably make a jackass out of myself. So...I procrastinated for yet another day. I'll answer. I will. Just...I don't know how much or how little I should say. He was really hurt the last time we spoke. I'm sure Randall didn't do much to help, seeing as he got his sweetheart back. I should just send Lee a hug and say 'what's up?' I can do that, right?

You know what? It's late, but I think I'm gonna do exactly that. I'm just gonna send him a hug and say what's up like nothing ever happened. If nothing else, Lee and I had fun just being friends. How hard could it be to get back to that, you know?

Alright, I've got to stop rambling so much. My life seems like it's sort of stuck at the moment. Like...between my past and my future, but not moving. I can't tell if I'm being pushed by the events behind me or pulled by the events ahead of me...but I'm sort of eager to find out. Because I feel really weird right now for some reason. Lost.

I hope it goes away sooner than later.

Seeya.

- Billy