As They Say - (Revised) - 11. Entry 17

13th May 1991:

Oh Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy, OOOHH BOY…

Sigh. Okay, I need to calm the hell down before I can actually write anything. I just need to forget about writing and breathe for a minute.

Okay, that didn’t exactly help, but hey, I’m excited and happy and…. Yeah, I’m sooooo glad. I can’t believe what Ross did today. It’s like Christmas came early, or it’s like I just got the best birthday present ever. Okay, so…. Relax, Adam…. Just take a minute.

I have no idea why I'm writing. Just breathe...To a diary?

Like that is going to help. Though paper has gotta know a thing or two about breathing. Well... at least it did know before a chainsaw was taken to the tree.

Oh god… How do I write this? How do I even comprehend how to say this. It's like a bus hit me with a fuuuump of happiness. If a mental hospital could only see me now, they would probably class me as a threat to the general public. I'm actually smiling at the journal, and it's so… soo… so… hard to get the words from my mind to the paper, but I'll give it a try.

Okay… so… I was just getting out of the shower this morning ahead of time. I didn't have any plans as such, but I knew I would meet up with Ross later in the day to hang out for a couple of hours—even the entire day if Ross really wanted to do it. I didn't have any problems or complaints about that. Is it weird that I'd rather be around Ross than around Carl? I've known Carl since first-class, or was it senior-infants? Maybe longer, but the point is, I’d rather spend my time with Ross than I would my best friend.

So, as I was saying, I just got out of the shower, and I was in the process of drying myself in my bedroom. I had plans to knock over to Ross around lunch. I disturbed him early yesterday, so I thought it would be best to let him chill and sleep in. Besides, Dad asked me last night to help him with clearing the shed out so that he can put up new shelves and organize things within the shed. Everything is just fired into it after we've used it, so I can't blame Dad. Getting what you need ends up a challenge of parkour, stepping over all the junk.

Mam has been on Dad's case about not keeping it clean, so he must think that this will fix all the problems. I know my Dad; the first shovel he uses, he'll place it by the door and not on the rack he screwed to the wall. Then the cabinet that Mam doesn't need but wants to keep will eventually, somehow, end up in there too at some point in time. I just know that the entire room will be back to square one in a couple of months.

I finished drying, and I started to get dressed when the doorbell rang, and I didn't think much of it. I just continued to dress, and I had stuff to do before I was going to meet up with Ross, but instead, Ross came to me.

Can you believe that Ross knocked for me?

I didn't have to go searching for him, or we didn't end up not meeting at all. He knocked at my door and asked if I was coming out. Okay, that was totally cool and really sweet, to be honest. It made my day. When my Mam roared up the stairs, it had me worried that I forgot to clean something up or forgot to do something she asked me to do. I get forgetful occasionally, and it's not by coincidence.

Mam shouted, "Adam, downstairs, now!"

My heart was in my throat while descending the stairs. I finished dressing before I sauntered barefoot downstairs to see what punishment I would be stuck with for not doing something that she probably told me to do.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I was relieved to see Ross, truth be told. Not because I like him. Not like a friend. I like him more than a friend… you know, "like-like" him. Ross is special somehow; everything he does makes me feel funny inside. There's like this tingling feeling in my stomach and this pressure of worry in my chest. It's like I want to paint a perfect picture of who I am for him, even though I am nothing special. Sure, I'm confident about what I can do, and I'm happy, but I feel like I can do better. It's like a promise to myself that I can do better. So, I promise to myself that I'll do better at just about everything to make him really like me. If Ross fancies me, he'd never hate me, right?

Anyway, I saw Ross standing between the doorframe for the sitting room, and my heart skipped a beat. I froze on the stairs for a second and gave him a toothed smile, which must have looked a little confusing. But hey, I was dazed. He didn't seem to mind it; he just smiled right back at me. That smile is something special; it's something I would love to see for the rest of my life if I ever got to spend my life with Adam. That is if I'm always going to be like this, and I think I am. Because girls haven't made me horny yet… and I'm not sure if they ever will, but boys do. Ross is different. Sure, I felt a little— ehem— naughty when he first arrived, but now it almost feels wrong to do it to him.

Ross stood there like an angel and asked me, with my Mam present, who stood in the hall, "Do I want to go swimming?"

"Sure," I stated.

I didn't even bat an eyelid. Ross gave a proud smile, and I started back up the stairs, and a moment later, Ross followed behind me. I began to pack up what I needed for the afternoon down by the waterhole where we all go. I was looking forward to us all going swimming. I'd get to eye all the boys semi-naked, but Ross… Ross is off-limits. He is special. I picked up a towel and swimwear as Ross came into my room, and he just looked at it with childlike wonder while I rummaged about looking for a bag.

Out of frustration, I blurted out, "Are the guys going to meet us there?"

It took less than a second for Ross's response to bless my ears.

Ross said, "I was hoping that just me and you could go swimming."

I didn't have any objections, but it somehow felt weird to accept such an invitation without the lads. I have always gone swimming with the boys. I have never missed an afternoon with them. But it really surprised me when Ross asked if we could go to the castle that we had all been to the previous day.

What is so special about the castle?

I agreed, then the both of us travelled downstairs. I forgot about my plans with my Dad, but by the time I came down, Mam had already talked to Dad about the situation. They both thought that it was a good idea that I get out of the house for a couple of hours, and so I did.

I lent Ross my bike again, and we took the bicycles out, cycling with the castle in mind. Ross already had his bag packed, which was adorable. He planned it all prior to meeting me, and I was useless to resist his affections.

When we pulled up to the dirt track that leads up to the small creek where the castle is, we wheeled our bikes up and dropped them beside the castle. I am forever grateful that neither the guys nor a group of teenagers were there, and the lake was as peaceful as I have ever seen it. There was not a soul in sight; the water was a smoggy blue, and the temperature was rising as the early hours clocked towards lunch.

We each took turns, both still a little too shy to pull any funny stunts, but the vibe was there. The both of us were alone, and knowing that it was a secret to just the both of us made the hideaway exciting. Ross went and changed first, just out of view behind the castle. When it was my turn, I took out my swim trunks, and I did the same and changed where Ross had done so. When I got back, he was about knee-deep in water. He had these cute blue boardshorts on, and his skinny figure was a sight. I have seen a couple of the guys shirtless, and I have seen Ross almost naked once, but I was glad to know that I was not the only one on the skinny side. I could see the impressions of his ribcage pushing against his skin, and that made his nakedness cute in some form.

I placed my clothes on the top of my bag, and I dashed out towards him. The two of us splashed about and then started swimming around leisurely. It was a fun time, and I would happily do it again. There was no malice in the act, just two boys enjoying the peace and the company of each other. As we swam about, we talked about movies and what Ross wanted to do with his life after he left school. Ross said that he would like to become an architect, and of course, I told him that he would be excellent for it. Even though I don’t know if Ross can draw or not, it still felt like the best thing to say at the moment anyway.

We climbed out, got dry and dressed to get warm when we started shivering, then sat by the lake, talking about what Ross's parents were doing in London. Ross told me that they were on business the first time I met him, but a lot more came to light when Ross said his parent might be getting divorced, which is why he was here—so they could be dividing what they own without having their son come between them. Ross asked me for some guidance, and I didn’t quite know how to respond.

Ross asked, "My Mum and Dad are settling things between each other, but how do they divide me?"

Somewhere along the line, I felt a little insecurity on his part that I hadn't found before, and that made the rest of the day somewhat a bummer.

On the way home, we decided to part ways and that we'd talk tomorrow. I agreed, saying if he needed someone to speak to, I'm here for him. That seemed to ease Ross's mind, and both of us broke ways.

When I got back inside, it was almost time for dinner, but I still had time to shower again, and so I did. After I got dressed, I tore all the stuff out of my gym bag, but I found a pair of underwear in it. A pair of boxers that were not mine, and my only conclusion was that they were Ross's. This left me in an awkward situation.

Did Ross put them in my bag on purpose? And if so, what do I do with them?

Do I keep them? Try to give them back to him? Who knows?

But this is going to be awkward as hell. I said I wouldn't do anything while thinking of Ross, but this find has gotten me a little undue attention that I can't get rid of. So, keeping my word, I'm going to call it a night and jerk off thinking of some boys from school, I guess…

I'm still happy with how the evening turned out, but what will tomorrow be like?

Night,

From a happy, horny, confused Adam