As They Say - (Revised) - 16. Entry 24

20th May 1991:

How do I say this? It's a little weird, indeed. I was kind of hoping the outdoor sleepover was going to take place. But Ross— oddly— did not want to stay with my friends and me. I have no idea what got into him; he entirely shot down the idea when I mentioned it this morning. We’d been playing a bit of footie, just passing the ball back and forth in his grandparent’s garden.

“Carl and I, we’re thinking of having a campout. Everyone will be there. Wanna come?”

Ross kicked the football hard, and I had to break away from my spot at the end of the driveway and go retrieve it.

“Nah… kinda too cold for it,” Ross added.

It was sunny out, the temperature surpassing 20c. It’s not hot by some other European country’s standards, but it’s an average summer day in Ireland. I nudged the ball back to the driveway from the grass, then booted it back to Ross.

“Cold… Eh, are we in the same country,” I added, trying to be cheerful.

Ross ran for the ball; then side swiped it with a huff. The football came barrelling toward me. Though I didn’t expect Ross to erupt with annoyance, and this startled me.

“Look, I said I’m not into it… K…” Ross add.

I put my hands up, signalling defeat. However, I kept wondering where the spitefulness came from for the rest of the morning. It wasn’t the Ross I know. But eventually, we dropped it, and we got back to our day, pretending neither of us had the conversation.

I spent all of my time at lunch searching for a suitable site in the back garden, where we could have set up the tents to relax for Wednesday night. Not tomorrow, but the next day.

It's a pity, really. Why does Ross feel uncomfortable spending the night in a tent with a couple of lads? Evidently, if he really wanted, Ross could have swapped places with Carl and stayed with me. Carl surely wouldn't have minded giving up the spot beside me for the evening. Carl is that kind of person; he's free-spirited. Yeah, Carl may be a tad bit butthurt. Except, if there is one thing I've come to know about him, it is that Carl forgives quickly and moves on without making the whole thing a huge deal, which is possibly one of the best features about him. I think that's how both of us naturally stuck when we were younger. If there was a problem, a couple of punches thrown in his direction would result in us still on talking terms again the next day.

Though, of course, Ross is not Carl. I can't give him a couple of swings of my right hook, not that I'd wish to either. I don't like fighting when it does happen. Plus, I don't think I would be able to stomach hurting Ross; the thought is even sickening to contemplate.

Anyway, instead of hanging out with Ross, I decided to leave him be and avoided him for the sake of it. I felt a little weird afterwards. I don't think I could have hung out with the odd feeling present after I mentioned it. I thought Ross said to me that he was okay with it; maybe he didn't. Perhaps I'm merely paraphrasing; maybe I understood it all wrong and what Ross actually wanted.

Instead, I decided to go into town by myself. I thought the best thing to do was just take some time out for myself. I just sat and listened to some music on my Walkman in the gardens overlooking the church. Other than that, nothing else happened today.

Oh, but we did have such a beautiful sunset. God, it was something else.

Anyway, nothing else to report, night,

Adam