As They Say - (Revised) - 19. Entry 27

Right, so I promise today went a lot better than the previous day. I got to see Ross, and the spark between us was back. He was talking and being his adorable cute self, god. But first, let me mention what I did before I searched for Ross, or should I say Ross came looking for me.

Before breakfast, I rose early enough to get chores taken care of before the day started. I wanted to make sure that everything would be tied up if anything did happen or anyone asked to hang out. I went out to the back garden and scoped out where I'd set up a bunch of tents for the sleepover, if I ever got around it. The perfect spot formed between the two silver birch wood trees at the far end of the lawn, and I knew it was the spot. That's where I'd set up camp when the sleepover party takes off. The next thing to do was to get everyone into the same place. I was going to knock for Ross and ask to hang out, but my Mam asked me to cycle into town to get milk and bread. I don't know why she couldn't do it herself. Besides, she has a car, and I have a bike. Like I have the energy to do such things. I need to keep some on reserve in case anything remarkable was going to happen. What if Ross wanted to go swimming or wanted to race me? All I could say is that I'm too tired because my Mam made me do chores this morning. Lame, I tell you; that would be so embarrassing not being able to keep up with him if he wanted to do stuff.

I accepted my Mam's request and decided to knock into Ross to see if he wanted to come along and when I called around, he was still in his pyjamas. God, Ross was cute when he opened the door this morning. He looked so dazed, and his bedhead was adorkable. When Ross saw that it was me, he just smiled, and his tired eyes lit up. The way he did it, too, made me feel all rattly inside. I felt like I was the bare minimum of my exterior. Like when a builder constructs a building, it is nothing but the skeletal frame. The empty shell just stands there, silent and unmoving.

I was more afraid when Ross’s smile shot my way. It made my heart flutter, and my stomach began to heave. The minute Ross saw me, he opened up entirely and animatedly nodded to me.

Ross said, "Adam… How are you this morning?"

I think I might have blushed when he said that to me; no… I did blush. I remember it now. God, I hope it didn't look weird or stupid when I did it. The last thing I need right about now is Ross thinking is I'm too weird to hang out with. I swear, that would destroy me somehow— knowing that. It makes me want to go the extra mile to be liked, even be careful how I come off to Ross. But anyway, I blushed.

I mumbled shyly, "I'm good… Yeah…"

I could have sworn I learned more English words than that at school, but I could not think of what to say to the boy for the life of me. His sheer beauty was enough to knock me off track and become petrified of anything I said.

Then Ross came back with, "That's good… I'm good too." Ross mumbled breathlessly between each word.

I don't think either one of us could quite understand what was going on, but if this was our version of flirting, I hope it doesn't happen again. It's uncomfortable. Then again, if I want to get close to him and, you know... kiss him, then I guess this is bound to happen. I wasn't sure what to say; a horrible silence started between the two of us until I forced myself to say something worthwhile. I must have looked like a nervous, jittery mess just standing at the front door.

What changed? It felt like something switched overnight, and Ross just was happy all of a sudden. Is it just me, or am I going crazy? But regardless, if I'm going crazy, how can you deny how beautiful he is. I'm not happy with how I handled my response.

I said, "Ok… Yeah, that's great too."

I mean, what possessed me to say something as one dimensional as that? Then the stupid silence started again, and I began to kick my runners off the lip of the doorstep for the porch. Then I noticed how the colour blue is Ross’s colour. Ross was wearing a light teal t-shirt combination with shorts. I tell you, it made my heart skip a beat when I saw him. It is his colour, but then silence drowned out, and I thought of something productive to say.

"Agh… Hey, you wanna go into town with me?” I proposed.

I was hopeful that Ross would say yes. I almost feel as if I'm reliving the moment right now. It's almost like I can reach out and trace my fingertips across Ross's cheeks, and he would gently lean closer and kiss me. Then Ross would honestly know how I feel. Ross would give me an alluring gaze, and he’d close one of his eyes. I'd shifted a tad bit, and the sun would directly blind him. Ross would give an encouraging expression…

"Right now?" Ross asked in disbelief, interrupting my thoughts.

I'm not sure why, but I think Ross still has a problem believing what I say. Why would I even bother mentioning it if I didn't want to hang out with him? I wanted to hang out with him; you have no idea how bad. I feel like I'm flying when he's around and that my deep breaths could last forever when I breathe in. I just want to dance on the spot all day, and no matter what people think, I wouldn't care. If I could spend the rest of my days with Ross, I think he would be the only person I would be content with. I mean, even the way Ross asks questions when he's unsure makes me want to grip him by the shoulders and jiggle him about for a moment until he starts cackling like a little girl. And somewhere among all of that, I'd sneak in for my kiss. I'd steal one, and if he wants to give me one, then it wouldn't be taken unintentionally.

So, I'm like, "Yeah, sure, if you want to, that is?"

Do you know what Ross blurted out?

Ross said, "Of course I want to be with you."

Then Ross cut himself off, and my heart sped up in my chest, and I had so many questions come to the front of my mind. I needed answers for all of them, but I caved. I started to blush; I'm glowing right now as I write this again. God, it feels like I'm there still. It feels like I'm talking to Ross like I was this morning, but instead of Ross being here, the diary has taken his place. I could swear that Ross was asking me out or something, but maybe it's just me reading into this too much. Perhaps Ross just meant that he wanted to be with me while I was going into town. Then again, the double meaning of that is giving me butterflies. The funny thing was when Ross mentioned it earlier, Ross stuttered after he said it before changing his choice of words altogether. Now I'm not sure what to make of it, but it makes me feel anxious to know what Ross honestly wants to say. He's just too shy to mention something so delicate.

I have a suspicion there is more to Ross than what he lets on. I mean, he's smart, cunning in some way or form, and beneath it all, he is still so mysterious.

I asked, "You getting dressed first?"

Ross looked down, almost glumly, then said, “I have to shower first… And I’m mess.”

So, I told him that I had a couple of errands to run for my Mam first. So, I’d let him shower, and I’d run to town in the meantime. Ross was happy, but while we finished our conversation, Ross moved from being fully exposed in front of the entrance to using the door as a shield of some sort. I hope I didn't make him feel bad or anything. I should have kept my mouth closed about the clothes thing. Come to think of it, though, he didn't state anything about it later either, so I guess I'm in the clear.

We awkwardly said goodbye for the short duration. I was a little sad about having to leave Ross for a bit. If I could have stayed there, I would, but I think it was destiny. It gave him a little while to beauty himself up, even though Ross doesn't have to. He's perfect. Also, I've no idea why he'd consider himself a mess. Maybe that's what it was earlier. Ross is self-conscious about his appearance, the way girls are when they wake up next to the boyfriend they are dating. I don't know why I did not think of it until now, but oh well.

When I returned from town, I glanced in unintentionally to the O'Sullivans’ house. You know, just to see if Ross was in the front garden playing. He wasn't, so I just kept walking. I figured that I should give the things Mam wanted to her first. When I turned onto our lawn, I saw Ross standing outside our garage with my Dad. You could certainly say I panicked and walked a lot faster than my legs could keep up with me. Imagine the sight of me; it would have looked like one of those comedies where the superhero takes off, but without his legs. They would be left behind, and his body, gone with the wind. The clothes the hero was wearing could be left floating in mid-air before collapsing to the ground like a petal falling from a flower. I sped up that driveway as if my life depended on it. I have no idea why it mattered all that much to me to get to Ross before he said something I didn't want him to say to my Dad, or my Dad would say something scaring and deeply shameful. I'd never recover from the embarrassment if Dad ever did it to me.

When I reached them, the two of them appeared to be smiling and giggling. I was at a complete loss of what to think or what to say. What could my Dad and Ross have in common?

Nothing, I hoped.

I just wished they weren't talking about how stupid I am or something. But as soon as I closed in on them, I put my head down nervously and pretended not to take heed that the two of them were there. I was going to go straight into the house, but then I caught a part of the conversation. They appeared to be talking about Manchester United, about how they won the match by 2-1 against FC Barcelona. I'm not sure why they were talking about it, but I didn't ask. Come to think of it, wasn't there a match about a week ago? Maybe that's what they were referring to. Possibly everything about the conversation was just football.

Yeah, by the time I got to the top of the driveway, they noticed me. I pretended that I didn't hear them at first, and when I supposedly saw them, I kept walking for the house. Dad was unusually happy. I can't be sure why, but if it was Ross, then I can see why. Ross just magically makes anybody's day. Even with a smile, he manages to make you happy, even if he barely bats an eye.

Being in his presence blows me away.

I was about to turn up toward the house when Ross called out, "Adam… Hey!"

The way Ross said it was full of excitement. Ross quickly darted away from my dad, then stopped because he must have felt bad for leaving my dad in the middle of the conversation. So Ross stopped halfway between the both of us. He glanced back at my Dad and then back to me.

I said, "Ah… Hey."

I was trying to control my excitement. You have no idea how great it was to see Ross. I offered my Dad a hey too, and he just resorted to doing what he was doing in the garage. Ross started in animatedly, and I got these funny feelings in my stomach. It was like something was living in there and crawling around when it wanted to. Every time it did, I felt like I wanted to keel over and hit the floor. The feeling kept amplifying every time Ross crossed my mind.

Ross cut in, "I decided to knock and see if you want help setting up?"

I think that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me—give me their personal time. Ross is adorable, beautiful, and every little bit as perfect. The cute boy wanted to help me with something mundane. The only other person who would help me with something like this would be Carl, but I'd have to rope him into doing it. I must have been smiling like a lunatic when Ross suggested that. I think my lungs practically gave out at that moment; I was just standing there glancing at him. The way the sun hit his face made it soo… sooo… alive.

No… not bustling.

I don't think I even have the words to describe it. It's just, the word beautiful doesn't come close to the context of how Ross looked. Just thinking about it right now as I write this makes me almost want to cry because Ross is indeed a beautiful person, and I don't think he even notices it.

He's too humble.

Ross is shy, quiet, and collected; most of my friends are the opposite, and I think that's what makes him stand out to me.

So at this point, I'm on the verge of drooling, and I'm trying majorly hard not to bail over like a capsizing whale.

The words, "Sure, that would be great," came out in a complete mess.

So, with that, we went around the back and knocked on the window to let my Mam see that we were setting up, and she gave us the go-ahead. The sun was shining high in the sky, and it was still really warm out.

I showed Ross where I intended on setting up the tents, and he said that it was a good idea. I swear Ross could say that the sky is pink, green, and brown, and I would still carefully analyse everything he has to say. Then I'd probably agree that the sky is pink, green, and brown.

I left him for a few seconds to retrieve some of the canvases and camping gear. All the while, I was pulling things off shelves. I was contemplating about how things would run when the boys got here. I rang them shortly after the two of us got started on the construction of our overnight homes, and even asked Carl to bring along another tent, but I was more nervous about sleeping in a tent with Ross. Ross asked me while I was getting the gear; he came and found me and started a conversation.

Ross said, "Hey um… would it be ok if I bunked with you in your tent?"

I didn't know what to say, but I just smiled and gave him a nod. Trust me, I tried to get the words out to say something, anything smart, but I couldn't connect a sentence. Instead, Ross just smiled and cupped his hands under a heavy bag that I took down off a higher shelf; he insisted on taking it.

All afternoon, while we assembled the shelters, I couldn't help but look at Ross concentrating. He makes this little pout, but it's not pouting. Ross curls his bottom lip out when he is figuring out what to do next. The way he fluently hopped from job to job made me fall for him even more.

I couldn't help but notice Ross was wearing a pair of these green nylon shorts, and every time he bounced around, his skinny legs would tense and relax as he set out what he had to do.

I think Ross is lovely. Not only is he beautiful, but he has patience.

Though if one thing weird happened today, it was when Ross asked for a conjoining piece for the tent he was setting up. I was already deep in thought looking at him so I completely spaced out. When Ross called the second time, I snapped out of it. I felt bashful, sure, but Ross didn't seem to mind it; he just turned a little red and smiled.

I’d been distracted by the shorts.

Ross showed teeth. His smile is happiness on earth; it's a mixture of sunshine and fairy dust. I wonder where he gets his supply because he was full of it today?

Ross just asked me for the piece again, and he smiled down at the grass as I handed it to him.

Right now, the boys are outside, and everyone is getting on for the most part. It was nice having some time to ourselves. Everything is running smoothly, and I can't believe I will be sleeping next to Ross. It's still early, but I'll check in with you tomorrow.

Wish me luck,

Adam