As They Say - (Revised) - 4. Entry 6

4th May 1991: Part 2

Okay, well, today was… scary, but at the same time, it was one of the weirdest days I have ever experienced in my entire life. I'm not sure how to sum it up. It is almost like I didn't want to be around Ross, in case I gave up a part of my identity in a misinterpreted moment. I mean, I didn't want him knowing that I am gay. At least, not until I got to know him better... or figure out that he also plays on the same team as me. Until then, everything I want to say, but can’t say, will go into this diary and never see the light of day.

I did, on the other hand, enjoy the time I spent with Ross. I did keep my promise. It was harder than anything else I have faced in my entire life. Okay, so after the neighbours left, I got ready but ended up doing nothing until the clock reached 2 PM.

However, I didn't get to sit around long. Dad lumbered me with washing the car, plus mowing the lawn. I was doing the grass for a good fifteen minutes when I heard a familiar voice shouting from our boundary wall at the end of the driveway. Truth be told, I was hoping it was that kid, but I doubted myself that he would be calling to me. Instead, when I stopped the mower I was riding, I glanced over to see Carl sitting on his bike. Sure, enough when I wandered down, he was full of excitement as he usually is at midday, after finishing his farm chores. He never seemed to have a dull moment, which is unheard of compared to all my friends. I mean, nothing affected him; Carl never had a bad day; he wasn't moody or angry. That guy is always in high spirits.

Carl stopped by to let me know he was going down to the arcade by himself and asked if I wanted to come. Of course, I would have jumped at the option in a heartbeat since he's my best friend and all. But part of me wanted to stick around for the new kid.

I don't know how I did it, but I managed to explain the situation to Carl. He didn't seem to mind and showed genuine interest when he suggested bringing the dude along if he's new in town. I'll admit, I was not ready to share a new friend I had barely even got to know yet. I don't understand it, but I wanted to have some personal time with him on my own to form some sort of a bond. It's safe saying that if I invited Ross along with us, I would not be offending Carl, and I'd still get a chance to show Ross that he was welcome to some extent.

So, we arranged the plans; when Ross came back, I'd bring him along if he felt up to it. If not, then I'd see Carl at the arcade around 3 PM. To be honest, the time flew by. I stopped for lunch and listened to some of the summer vibes they were blasting out on the radio. But what happened after lunch is what made the best part of this day enjoyable.

Since I was only half-finished cutting the grass, I decided to continue on with it and get it over and done. That's around the same time Mam ran into town to go to the shops. She said she'd be about twenty minutes, and she drove off. While I finished the remainder of the grass and rode on the machine to the sheds, I just started to zone off into the distance. I tried to imagine how I would approach Ross. I was so lost in thought that I completely blanked out the sharp clacking noise that could be heard next door.

When I focused on the sound, it sounded more and more like a football being kicked at a brick wall.

My attention was taken. It had to be Ross.

Was it 2 PM already? I felt a little disappointed that he didn't knock for me, but at the same time, I guess I was glad. I still was not sure what to say to him.

Shutting off the mower was probably the biggest give away that I wasn't mowing the lawn anymore. I was finished, so I just put the ride-on back in the garage, and out of curiosity, since I had nothing else to do, I walked down our driveway a little. I peered through the hedging that separated our two gardens, and I saw Ross kicking a football at the side of the house. I could have stood and just watched him kick the ball about for hours. I know that sounds creepy, but truth be told, it seemed cute to watch him when he was not aware. He could not put up a guarded front or pretend to be someone he's not. Ross was lost in his own thoughts and pastime that he just didn't care. It looked like he was just trying to pass the time, I guess. Yet he still knew that I was next door.

What happened next scared the crap out of me; he just disappeared out of sight. I tried shifting to get a better view, but then the kicking of the ball ceased, and I felt disappointed that he had stopped. I was about to back away from the bush when I was confronted with these two beautiful green eyes. I jumped back from fright; I had been caught.

FUCK… FUCK… FUCK, he's going to think I'm weird.

I managed to duck low and scurried the rest of the distance back up to the house. I knew I'd be somehow safe inside from prying eyes. I required time to recompose myself. What did he think of me for spying on him? I hope he did not think I'm a creep or some weirdo.

Sigh.

I didn't have the guts to go back out to him anytime soon. I helped unpack the shopping when Mam came back and by the time I had done that she actually told me to get out! That it was a lovely day.

I had nothing to do, and I was afraid to leave my own house. I took a bit of gamble and went next door anyway. I spent about fifteen minutes at the bottom of their drive running through everything that I could say to Ross. I hoped he would come with me and not think of what happened earlier as weird. I was curious; it wasn't anything serious or pervy.

I fixed my hair and clothing with an impression that I looked strange and did not look the part, but once I got past that, I reasoned that everything was going okay. I was just asking if Ross wanted to come out or not, right?

When I finally got the courage, I walked up that road and pressed the doorbell. In those couple seconds, every sense was amplified. My palms were sweaty, and my heart was racing. I calmed down a little when his grandmother opened the door with a nonchalant smile that radiated outwards. It immediately made me feel warm. I think she was happy that I knocked and that I was going to give her grandson, I presumed, a chance.

I thought it was totally sweet when his grandmother called up the stairs for Ross to announce my arrival. She made small talk with me and even asked how I was doing while she mumbled on about Ross taking forever. I guess he was busy doing something before I arrived. I suppose I had caught him at an awkward time. When he finally bounded down the stairs, Ross looked a little awkward and red in the cheeks. Had he been blushing or something— maybe he was embarrassed? I also found it a bit odd that he hid behind his grandmother, Mrs. O'Sullivan.

I guess we hit it off. When I asked Ross if would he like to go to the arcade, Ross said "yes," without hesitation, and Mrs. O'Sullivan stepped aside. That's when I saw his shorts; it looked like he had a deflating boner down there, and I quickly started to get aroused about the prospect.

Did I actually knock when he was jerking off? My mind was flooded with questions.

What was he doing it to? How big is he? Does he have any hair, and well, can he cum?

God, if Mam ever read this, I'd lose my will to live. I'm going to have to find a spot to hide this book. Similar to the times I hid small newspaper and magazine clippings, I ripped out of things for my naughty times. Or how I disposed of countless socks after using them as cumdumps. Oh, and shirts as cumrags. Ross quickly shot into action, though, when his grandmother moved aside, and he turned his back to me.

Ross used the excuse, "Let me get my shoes."

I guess that was a legitimate reason, but still, you can't deny he had a boner. After all, he seemed flustered or nervous while he was popping on his footwear.

Most of the evening was pretty cool. We walked into town together, and we even got some sort of conversation going. It was just a short conversation, like what sports teams we followed and so on. I was surprised when Ross said he loved R.E.M.

I never really listened to their music, but I'd heard of them. I took note. If I'm in town, I'll buy their album when I've saved some of my money. I wanted to have more to say to Ross other than my boring old self and hobbies.

The arcade was fun, and the stay, short. I think, for the most part, Carl was happy that I invited Ross along. He seemed content with my new friend, and I tried to make Ross feel welcome. While we were walking home, I felt the adrenaline rush subside. Sundown approached, and it was dinner before we knew it. I had to say goodbye to him.

I know tomorrow that I will knock for him first thing in the morning and not be afraid. I have to be brave if I want to get to know Ross. I need him to think I am cool. So, yeah.

I guess there is no better way to end the night than by wanking, but come to think of it, I've been doing it a lot lately. I'm stuck with the decision of not doing it and doing it. I don't want to make it a habit, but it feels so good.

I've been trying to resist, but Ross has me worked up to the point that I will end this right now and deal with my problem.

P.S - Getting that R.E.M album may come sooner than I presumed. It's Ross's favourite band, so I need to see what it's all about, you know. In all, I'm kind of short on money. I'll ask Mam tomorrow and see if she can buy me the album.

Anyway, night,

Adam