The Cockney Canuck - 132. Chapter 132 Talking Dirty

I sat cross-legged, cold, and naked on Conner’s bed as he made light work of undressing. A sweater, t-shirt, and vest, all found their way to the floor in quick succession, revealing a smooth chest, and a well-defined set of pecs. He had an athlete’s body that put mine to shame and a sudden and distinctive body odour that I found disturbingly alluring.

His pants took a little longer; he had to wiggle them off his thighs and pull them over his calf muscles while balancing awkwardly on one leg. He flashed me a smile, before kicking them across the floor and hooking his thumbs under the waistband of his boxer shorts.

“Wait! You forgot something.” I pointed to his feet and grinned as he peeled off his socks and tossed them casually over his shoulder. Conner had boy’s feet, big with wide spacy toes. Nothing like Nathan’s and no nail varnish. “You could earn money doing this.”

He chuckled at my suggestion before inching down his shorts with the confidence of someone who knew he wasn’t going to disappoint. He was teasing me; holding his smile and my attention, before turning around at the last minute to flash me his butt. Pale, smooth, and deliciously round, I resisted the urge to reach out and touch.

As Conner’s underwear fell to his ankles, he turned to face me with a nervous smile. He couldn’t keep still, crossing his arms in front of his chest to hold himself as he shivered from the cold and waited for my reaction.

He was brave, and I was quick to flatter him.

“I thought you said you were average.”

His penis, now unchecked, was sticking out and rapidly rising. He didn’t need me to boost his confidence, and in truth, he wasn’t any bigger than me, but I was experienced enough to know the importance of saying the right things at the right times. He seemed to grow an extra inch after my vote of confidence, but he was nowhere near as big as Alex, and my butt could breathe again.

Conner was comfortable with his nudity, befitting of a guy who probably spent a lot of time showering with other boys. I doubt, however, if any of his teammates studied his athletic form with the same intensity as I did. Or dared to run their hands down his chest and wrap them around his manhood, although some may have wanted to.

My touch made him quiver and bite his lip. Then, with a gentle tug, I led him towards the bed and sat in front of him to view my prize. At my encouragement, he inched forward parking his knees between mine.

There was a time after Alex when I wondered if I would ever be able to do this again, and those thoughts flashed through my head only to be pushed aside by the carnal greed which I desperately needed to appease.

Conner kept his eyes on mine and his mouth open as I pumped his dick and teased his shiny head with the tip of my tongue. He tensed up and quietly moaned from the back of his throat while pleading with hungry eyes to be allowed into my mouth. Instead, I changed hands and tightened my grip, twisting and pumping his dick in rapid bursts, until he was gasping and standing on his tiptoes.

I was sure I could have finished him off right then and there, so I stopped, sparing him a premature ending and myself an icky shower. Then with a wicked smile and deep breath, I moved in closer until he parted my lips.

It was a full-on, frantic, no holds barred start to what I was expecting to be a relatively tame experience. I imagined a gradual build-up as we explored each other’s bodies in a darkened room beneath his double duvet, but we hadn’t even made it into bed.

It was my fault, and I was just as surprised as he was. Maybe it was the four months I spent without a boyfriend, or simply the thrill of watching him undress. But I think it was more likely a result of all the recent pent up sexual frustration following the episode with Alex. The sight of Conner’s hot body in front of me must have pushed me over the edge.

He was hanging by a thread when he stopped me and pushed me under the duvet. I offered to finish him off in the warmth of his bed, but there was something he wanted more.

When he showed me a packet of condoms, I nodded to let him know it was still okay, and he handed me a bottle of lube. I usually did this for Nathan, but Conner was busy fumbling with a rubber that looked totally foreign to him.

“Are you cold or nervous?”

“Both,” he said.

‘How difficult is it to put a Johnny on’?

I sat up next to him and held out my hand. “Do you want me to do it for you?” Conner smiled sheepishly and watched as I rolled it down his penis, then pulled it like a one-armed bandit allowing it to spring back against his stomach. I giggled as he slapped my hands away, but it was beginning to feel as if I had already hit the jackpot.

He thanked me for wrapping his tool with a reassuring squeeze of my own to show me I wasn’t going to be left out.

“That’s okay. Nathan used to put them on me all the time.”

I wasn’t thinking, and he seemed surprised by my statement. “You're not a natural bottom then, are you? Why didn’t you say?”

“Actually, I’m not sure what I am. I like it both ways.” I squeezed a generous helping of lube over his wrapped dick and gave it a couple of quick tugs with my fist.

“You know you don’t have to do this if you don’t….”

I put my finger to his lips to stop him. “I wanna do it, okay. I like it. Really I do. It’s just that Nathan liked it more.”

He laughed, so I wiped my fingers across his face smearing it with lube and forcing him to retaliate. He was stronger than me, but I allowed him to grab my wrists and fell back onto the bed so he could pin me down. Then I lifted my head and wiggled my butt, pretending to break free, before collapsing and accepting my fate.

“What are you gonna do to me, Roughrider?”

Conner wasn’t playing the same game though. He wanted to explore, moving south under the duvet to further acquaint himself with my package, before slowly kissing his way up my chest, like I was the most precious thing in the world to him. It was nice to be pampered, but I would have preferred him to be a little more physical.

Under the duvet, it was becoming hot, stuffy and difficult to breathe. He was lying on top of me, kissing and grinding his hips against mine, in what I imagined was a final dress rehearsal for the real thing. We were stuck together with an intoxicating mixture of perspiration, saliva, and leaking boy juice, which I was on the verge of adding to if he didn’t stop.

I pushed him off me and lifted my head out of the duvet to breathe in some cold air, then rolled over to lie on my front.

“Enough kissing, we can do that after. How do you wanna do it? Is this okay?”

He kissed my cheek and whispered. “Tell me if you want me to stop, okay.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.”

Conner was as caring and considerate during sex as he was with everything else he did. He took his time and kept stopping to make sure I was okay. I appreciated his concern, but after a while, it started to annoy me, and I found myself kicking him with my heels to go faster.

He was sensual, touchy, and surprisingly talkative. When he wasn’t kissing the back of my neck, he was whispering in my ear, and the closer he got, the more explicit he became. I didn’t need any more encouragement, and neither did Conner. After a quick flurry of activity, he tensed up, groaned, and collapsed on top of me.

My boy was wasted, sprawled across me, panting and dribbling down my neck. Between us, the thin layer of rubber covering his rapidly shrinking penis was beginning to spill its gooey contents across my backside.

I wanted to spare his sheets, so I pushed him off and removed the condom. Then tied it in a knot and held it up to the light to inspect his offering.

“Wow, you must be some kind of spunk machine. I didn’t think that was even possible.” I shook his shoulder, but his eyes were closed, and he looked blissfully asleep. “Conner? Conner!”

“You're fucking kidding me’.

I tossed the used condom across the room; there was no more than a dribble in it anyway. Then, after switching off the light, I clambered back into bed and set about trying to wake him.

I tried a subtle approach, gently rubbing my dick against his leg while kissing his face, but the most I got was a contented smile and a deep moan as he flopped a lazy arm around my waist and went back to sleep.

I needed to be more direct, so I grabbed his wrist and placed his hand on my penis, hoping it would bring him back to life. He held it tight but remained in slumber, even when I started using it to jerk myself off.

It suddenly occurred to me that he could be dead, and I panicked when I couldn’t find his pulse. The thought of being jerked off by a dead guy made me drop like a stone. Then he snatched his arm away and tucked it under his pillow.

‘Great’!

It was a couple of seconds before I realised I didn’t need to check his pulse anymore, and the absurdity of it all made me giggle. If it hadn’t been so cold, I would have finished the job myself in the bathroom, but I decided to wait instead and give him hell in the morning.

‘I didn’t come all the way over here to wank in the bathroom’.

“Move over, Casanova.” His room was getting colder, so I edged as close as I could and put my arm around his muscular frame, then snuggled into his neck to feed on his warmth. At least I got to sleep with him.

‘Poor Conner must have been exhausted. Chopping all that wood didn’t help. I forgive you because you're sexy’.

I kissed his chest and then jumped when I thought I heard a knock on the door. As I sat up in the dark, there was another knock, and then another. It wasn’t coming from the door, but from the wall that separated Conner’s room from his sister’s. I could hear her voice, a low sensual moan that gradually got louder and faster.

‘Great! This is all I need. Sounds like everyone’s having fun except me’.

My partner was curled up below me with a contented smile. He had already replaced me with his pillow, holding it to his chest. On the other side of the wall, probably less than a few feet away, his sister was heaping praise on Rory with a muffled cry, punctuated by a steady thump and a mouse-like squeak from the bedsprings.

I pressed my ear to the wall and subconsciously played with my dick. Rebecca was a ‘yes’ girl, repeating it over and over, much to my annoyance. It created a verbal barrier that drowned out my friend’s heavy breathing and cute little gasps.

Encouraged by the unmistakable sound of skin slapping against skin, I formed a mental picture of Rory banging her from behind, doggy style. I would have been willing to put money on it.

‘Shit! What am I doing’?

I jumped out of Conner’s bed and ran across the cold floor, narrowly avoiding an orgasm I would never have been able to explain. Then I covered my ears and stared out the window, as I waited in the freezing cold for my friend to fulfil his manly duty.

‘Please don’t take all fucking night’.

Rebecca obviously hit the jackpot with Rory, although I still wasn’t totally convinced he was playing for the right team. I would have gladly taken her place and made him finish a lot quicker too.

While Rory was moving heaven and earth next door in a frantic, thigh-slapping finale, my lover-boy was in the land of nod and looking like he was there for the duration. I wasn’t sure what to make of Conner as I climbed tentatively back into bed to thaw out against his warm skin. I had been looking forward to sleeping with him, but I wasn’t expecting it to be like this.

‘Come back, Nathan. I forgive you’.

*     *     *

I probably slept for no more than an hour before being woken by a cold draught. I was alone, but the space next to me was still warm, and there was a light under the door. I heard the toilet flush and footsteps in the hall, so I pulled the duvet over my head and braced myself.

Conner jumped back into bed and wrapped himself around me with cold hands and feet that were like ice. Somewhere in the middle was a warm dick that was still wet from his pee. It was resting against my butt and rapidly growing, so I pushed back against him until he slid comfortably between my cheeks.

“Hmmm. Did I wake you up?”

“I wake up easy.”

‘Unlike some people’.

I pushed back against him a little harder, making him groan and stiffen. I was enjoying the feeling of him getting bigger between my legs. He saw me smiling as he leaned over to push the hair from my face and kiss my forehead.

“Wow, you look like you're ready for round two.”

‘What is this, a fucking boxing match? How many rounds are there’?

“Actually champ, I’m still on round one.”

He stopped kissing me and sat up to switch on his bedside lamp.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry, why didn’t you say something?”

“Err, I tried, but you kinda fell asleep and wouldn’t wake up. You were out for the count.”

He fell back against his pillow and stared at the ceiling. “I’m sorry, that was so selfish of me. You must think I’m useless at this.”

“Yes, you are. Do you normally go into a coma when you sleep? I thought you were dead at one point.”

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise.” He pulled me onto my back and stared into my eyes, but I was determined to sulk and refused to look at him. “I’ll do whatever you want.”

“I doubt it somehow.”

“Try me.”

I allowed a smile to creep onto my face, but I wasn’t sure if Conner was quite ready for some of the games I played with Nathan, and I didn’t want to scare him away. He kept apologising as he planted kisses on my neck and waited for me to answer.

“It’s okay. It’s not a competition. I’m not gonna judge you on one performance. You were good. You just finished too quickly and fell asleep.”

“That sounds pretty crappy to me.”

“It was, believe me. But I know you can do better. You just have to train harder … Rocky.” His face lit up when I reached over him and grabbed the condoms from his drawer.

“Are you sure. I don’t mind doing something else.”

“Oh, this isn’t for you,” I said. “It’s for me.” I gave him a wicked grin as I watched the blood drain from his face. “You said you’ll do whatever I want, right?”

‘Serves you right for falling asleep’.

“I don’t mind,” said Conner, but his face told the opposite. “I let Derrick do it to me.”

‘Of course, you did’.

I raised my eyebrows. “How many times?”

“Once,” he said sheepishly.

“You enjoyed it, then?”

“We can do it that way if you want, I don’t mind.” He sounded a lot more genuine this time, and he was obviously prepared to suffer for his principles, but I didn’t need to fuck him to make him squirm. I was doing a pretty good job of it without dipping my wick.

“It’s okay, maybe another time.” I grabbed his dick and pumped it back to attention before opening the condom, but I wasn’t finished with him. “You don’t normally wear these, do you?”

It took him by surprise. I guess he wasn’t expecting that either, but he left enough clues for me to be reasonably sure I was right.

“How did you know?”

I giggled at his honesty. The kid couldn’t lie if his life depended on it. “It’s a little obvious. Plus, you kinda gave it away when we did it the first time. The things you said to me.”

“What things?”

“You know when you were talking dirty and stuff.” His expression was still blank, and I wondered if he even knew he did it. “You remember talking to me, don’t you?” He nodded cautiously as if he wasn’t quite sure and I laughed. “It’s okay. I’m not complaining. I liked it.”

“What did I say?”

I was tempted to have fun with him, but I decided to be honest. “You were telling me what you were about to do and what you were going to do with it. Stuff like that.”

‘Blimey, do I need to spell it out’?

His eyes widened, and his face turned crimson. “I must have got carried away.”

“It’s okay. What you said was really sexy, but not possible wearing a condom. So I’m guessing you didn’t use them with Eric.”

“You mean Derrick. You're right, though, you should be a detective when you leave school. Are you angry at me?”

“What? No, of course not. Why would I be?”

“Because it looks bad. Like I was being irresponsible or something. But it wasn’t like that. I would never put you at risk, honest. Derrick and I were both virgins when we started fooling around. Until tonight, he was the only person I’ve been with.”

“I know that. You already told me. That’s why I’m not worried. I trust you.”

I finished rolling the condom down his manhood before admiring my handiwork. They always looked funny to me dressed in rubber, and this one was bright purple. I pinched the bubble between my thumb and forefinger, as Conner watched curiously.

“Is it okay? I wasn’t sure what ones to buy.”

“I’m no expert, but it looks okay to me. It’s surprising how strong they are considering they’re so thin. I really put them to the test a couple of times with Nathan.” I chuckled, then backtracked. “But only because he asked me to. I wasn't being mean to him or anything.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” said Conner. “You're more experienced than I thought.”

Now I was the one feeling bad. “Not really. It’s just that Nathan was a little intense at times. He had weird tastes. Not too weird, though.” I was digging myself into a hole. My ex-boyfriend had returned to my head with a vengeance.

‘I need to stop talking about him’.

“Sorry I left you hanging.”

“Don’t apologise anymore. Reactions speak louder than words.”

Conner laughed. “You mean actions.”

“What?”

“Actions speak louder than words.” He kissed me and squeezed a dollop of lube onto his fingers. “But I get it.”

“Yikes!” I was invaded by a well-greased finger that made me gasp, but even the prospect of imminent sex couldn’t quell my curiosity. “So why didn’t you use them? Is it better without, or were you just too shy to buy them?”

“I’m not too shy to buy them. It’s just we didn’t have to.”

I knew what he was saying, but it didn’t answer my question. Tom didn’t have to use them either, but he did. I may have had more sexual partners than Conner, but I was never stupid enough to have gay sex without a condom. I even made Alex put one on, and I was drugged up at the time.

My perfect record, of course, was ruined by an unexplainable, overly-carefree approach to having sex with girls, although Conner didn’t know about Stephanie.

“So was it better with Fredrick?”

“It was Derrick. No, why would you think that?”

“You said you didn’t have to use them, so you obviously prefer it that way.” It seemed pretty straightforward to me.

“It’s a little more intimate, I suppose. That’s all.”

‘More intimate’?

It wasn’t rocket science. I suppose it had to feel better without a layer of latex, but probably not much, and I suspected only for the guy on top.

I was only concerned because it was Derrick. I wasn’t the jealous type, but this boy was starting to bother me. The Skype incident didn’t help. It made him easily accessible, and as much as Conner denied it, I knew he still had feelings for him. By his own admission, they would still be together if he hadn’t been forced to move away.

It was impossible to compete with the boy, especially if the sex wasn’t as enjoyable. So that had to change.

“Why didn’t you ask me? We don’t have to use them, you know.”

“I’m not gonna ask you to do that. I don’t mind wearing them. It’s the right thing to do.”

“Except with whatshisname, you mean.”

“Look, you told me yesterday, I wasn’t getting in without a coat, and I was fine with that.”

“I know what I said, but that was before I found out you didn’t like them.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t like them! You're getting uptight about nothing!”

Our voices were getting loud in a house full of guests, so I backed off and turned away from him, giving him the cold shoulder. We were silent for a couple of minutes, but I refused to let it go.

“You don’t trust me, do you?”

“Of course, I trust you.”

“Just not as much as Eric.”

He sighed and rolled onto his back. “But I’m not with Derrick anymore. I’m with you.”

“Not through choice, though, is it?”

Conner looked puzzled. I guess he wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction, and maybe I was a little pedantic, but it was important to me, even if I didn’t understand why.

He took his time answering, and when he did, he was far too honest. I would have preferred him to lie.

“No, it wasn’t through choice. I never wanted to leave Derrick. I told you this when we met; it’s nothing new. I still have feelings for him; it’s difficult. But that doesn’t mean he’s better than you in any way. If you met him, you'd probably think ….”

“I won’t meet him!”

“But if you did ….” Conner’s voice trailed off when he noticed me staring hard at him. He wouldn’t look at me, and his body language portrayed guilt, which I was quick to exploit.

“It probably doesn’t help when you're jerking off with him on Skype all the time.”

“It wasn’t all the time.”

“But it wasn’t just the once either, was it?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

“It’s okay, I don’t wanna know how many times you did it. I know what it’s like. I’m always tempted by shit. Except I keep it to myself!”

I climbed out of his bed and walked across the room to find my shirt. It was still inside the sweater his parents gave to me, and I struggled to pull them apart. Frustrated, angry and shivering, I growled and threw them at Conner, but he caught them. Then he calmly separated them for me as I pulled on my briefs. When he handed me my t-shirt, I snatched it from him and dragged over my head with a barely audible mumble of gratitude.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “That’s all I can do is say sorry. I can’t change what happened. I know I hurt you, but I didn’t mean to. I just wasn’t thinking.”

“I already told you, I don’t really care what you did with him, as long as it doesn’t happen again. You know why I don’t care? Because I fucked around too last weekend. With my sister’s friend.”

Conner looked hurt when I explained what happened with Stephanie. I followed Jo’s advice and used his Skyping with Derrick as an excuse, although I’m not sure he bought into it.

“I’m glad you told me.”

“You are? I’m not glad you told me about your Skyping. I would’ve been much happier if you had lied to me about it.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you, not ever. I don’t like lying to people.”

“Blimey, then don’t do anything wrong. Can I have my jumper, please.”

“Why are you getting dressed anyway?”

“Because it’s fucking freezing in here, and I don’t fucking fancy getting frostbite.”

“You shouldn’t swear so much.”

I had a good answer lined up, but as I pulled my sweater over my head, it was back-to-front, and my mouth was covered by the neck. I could see Conner trying not to laugh, which annoyed me even more.

I pulled it off and threw it onto the floor, then picked it up again and threw it at the wall.

“Fucking stupid thing!!!”

There was a knock on the door, and I jumped. It was his mom.

“Is everything okay in there, boys?”

“Yes,” said Conner. “We’re fine. Sorry if we woke you.”

“It’s very late dear, and we have guests. Try to keep the noise down. And the swearing please, Robbie.”

I joined Conner and mumbled an apology while rubbing my legs to generate some warmth.

“Why don’t you come back to bed?” said Conner. “It’s much warmer. I don’t wanna argue.”

It was our first night together, and we were arguing. It didn’t bode well for a relationship that had earlier promised so much. Conner climbed out of his bed and walked towards me. He was naked, but his appendage was now limp and barely able to fill the oversized purple condom. It looked comical hanging from his dick and was ready to fall off when Conner grabbed the end to help it on its way. It fell to the floor, and he brushed it aside with his foot before reaching out his hand in a gesture of reconciliation.

His mom’s intervention took the wind out of my sails, and I was left feeling cold and tired. I didn’t take his hand, but I made no attempt to push him away when he gambled and put his arms around me. Instead, I craved his warmth and rested my head on his shoulder before allowing him to guide me back to bed.

It was a stupid argument, and I felt embarrassed by my stroppy behaviour, even if Conner found it amusing. It was alright for him; he wasn’t the one feeling horny and frustrated. In bed, he kept his distance, and I was too stubborn to say anything.

It was a while before either of us spoke, although I kept seeing him glance over at me to see if I was awake.

“Are you still mad at me?” he whispered.

“No.”

“I know why you're so uptight, and it’s all my fault. I spent the whole evening getting you worked up and then fell asleep. It was a shitty thing to do, I’m sorry.”

“Maybe I’m not what you expected.”

‘Not as good as Derrick’.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I like you. I was just. I don’t know, but it’s nothing to do with you. And you don’t have to compete against Derrick. When I told you I still have feelings for him, I didn’t mean I still wanna be with him. I would rather be with you. And you know I’m not lying.”

I had to believe him; it would have been a sick thing to do if he chose that moment to start telling fibs.

“I’m sorry too,” I said. “I should’ve told you about last weekend before now. I’m not proud of what happened, and I didn’t even enjoy it that much. I don’t know why I did it, but it wasn’t to make you feel bad.”

Conner stopped me by covering our heads with the duvet and my mouth with his lips. He was a good kisser, aided by a long tongue and complimented by a roving hand that slid under my shirt and circled my chest.

“Are you warmer now?” I nodded and allowed him to remove my top, then closed my eyes when his hand reached my briefs under the duvet. “Can we take these off as well?”

“If you want.”

“There’s nothing I want more.” He smiled seductively as he lifted the waistband of my briefs over my dick while lightly nibbling at my ear. Then he used his foot to push them past my ankles and gently massage my shin. I jumped a little when I felt his hand on my penis. He had a firm grip and sticky fingers that pulled and stretched my tight skin. “We might need some of this,” he said as he reached for the lube and then whispered his intentions in my ear.

I was happy to agree. It seemed like a pretty fair trade as long as I got to go first. He kissed me and then disappeared under the duvet with a sexy grin. Although a self-proclaimed novice, Conner was a competent wanker and I was quick to point this out to him before submitting to his deftly touch. He used both hands and a generous amount of lube, twisting and rubbing in a slow sensual massage that soon had me holding onto his bedframe and arching my back. He sat upright, lifting the duvet with him and asked me if I was feeling any better.

I thought it was obvious.

“A little bit,” I said, but I struggled to get the words out.

“Only a little. Okay, how about if I do this?” He rested his head on my stomach and inched his way tantalisingly towards his target. When I felt his mouth close around me, it was just a matter of holding on.

After being so close for so long, I thought it was brave of Conner to put himself in the line of fire, and after Nathan, I wasn’t used to issuing warnings. The result was predictable. My boyfriend took the first shot in his mouth before jumping up like a Jack-in-the-box and pumping the rest across my stomach.

At last, Conner managed to even the score, and I was impressed that he didn’t feel the need to spit or even clean me up. He wiped his hand on the sheet before rolling on top of me, dragging his soiled duvet with him.

‘I guess he does his own laundry’.

“Do you feel better now? You definitely looked like you were enjoying it.”

I could hardly speak; which Conner took as a compliment. He was glowing as he squirmed around on top, hugging me, and kissing and licking my face. This was a side of him that he kept well-hidden. I wasn’t expecting him to enjoy being messy, but it excited me that he did.

The score was one-a-piece as he positioned himself between my legs for round three and the second half of our agreement. He kissed me on the nose and whispered one more time for my consent.

“I’m sure,” I said. “But just so you know. If I start talking dirty to you, then everything I say is probably a lie to make you cum quicker and save my arse.”

He laughed, but my joke disguised an important moment for me, and a big decision for a boy brought up in the age of safe sex.

I learned all about the potential consequences in school in the UK, and again in Canada. At Stephenson, there was poster’s in the corridors and classrooms and leaflets in reception. There was even one in the cafeteria. Like anyone really wanted to read about STD’s over lunch.

Before that night, I never really gave it a lot of thought, but now, a part of me definitely wanted to try it. It was something naughty I hadn’t done before, but I was also influenced by a ridiculous and unnecessary desire to match or better Conner’s ex-boyfriend.

I considered the risks and decided it was unlikely if not impossible that either of us was carrying anything more dangerous than a cold. When we were doing it though, I kept hearing Jo’s voice in my head telling me how stupid I was.

*     *     *

Conner’s smile was unnecessarily wide and radiant when we arrived at the breakfast table the following morning. He looked noticeably different from the night before. More relaxed with a dreamy expression befitting a boy who had just had a night of sex after a six-month layoff.

I was the opposite, dipping my head in shame as I silently pleaded with him not to look so happy. It was embarrassing enough; they didn’t need reminding of what we were doing all night.

We were the last ones to take our seats and received a friendly but subdued welcome from his family. I wasn’t sure what to expect after waking his mom and probably everyone else, in the night with our bickering. If I could have crawled in under the carpet, I would have done so, but in the end, it didn’t matter. No one said a word.

It still seemed almost inconceivable that I was allowed to have sex with their son right under their noses, without anyone even bothering to mention it.

Don would have been on his third heart attack by now, and I would have been grounded for life. Even Nathan’s liberal parents would have punished him for such a blatant violation of the rules. I was gobsmacked. It was a bizarre situation for a boy fed on a daily diet of redneck politics and religious bigotry, and I failed to understand their motives. It was almost as if we were doing nothing wrong.

The only recognition I got from any of his family for all my hard work, was a subtle wink from Rebecca as she poured me a coffee. Apparently, that was all my ass was worth, but Conner’s smile wasn’t lost on her. At least I did my duty.

I was blushing when their father glanced over a pair of half-round spectacles and smiled at me. He looked pale and had aged considerably overnight. I remembered him knocking back tall glasses of vodka and singing Swedish folk songs with his brother. Then later, while his son was busy examining my prostrate, we heard them stumble up the stairs, laughing like a couple of teenagers.

“Did you sleep well?” His mom was talking to me, but Conner answered. It was a ridiculous question, and I wondered if it was sarcasm.

‘She’s having a laugh’.

It must have been blatantly obvious to everyone we didn’t get a lot of sleep. Yet Conner was as bright as a button, chatting excitedly with his younger brother, and behaving as if he hadn’t been awake for most of the night banging my back door.

I guess he didn’t have to worry about the consequences and I used to be the same with Fran. Having sex and leaving her to deal with it, then wondering why she had to keep visiting the bathroom. I never gave it much thought, but now I was able to see things from a different perspective.

If his climatic vocals were anything to go by Conner must have squirted enough love juice in the night and again that morning to fill a small pond, but realistically it was probably no more than a tablespoon. According to the book, Nicola gave me, ejaculating into your partner is supposed to be a deeply erotic experience. That may well be the case, but no one warned me about the next morning.

As my mom always used to say, there are two sides to every coin, and the flip side of this should have been fairly obvious. While I was chatting to Dylan over breakfast, his brother’s milky discharge was giving me a valuable lesson in the laws of gravity.

My discomfort went unnoticed by everyone except Rebecca, who gave me some strange looks, and I wondered if she was experiencing the same problem.

Being Swedish, I almost expected her to want to discuss it while walking around the farm later that day with their cousins. I was bringing up the rear trying to get away from my overly touchy boyfriend when she dropped back to keep me company.

“I heard you arguing last night,” she said.

It didn’t surprise me. “I think everyone must have heard us. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I’m glad you made up in the end.” She winked at me. “I heard that, too, by the way.”

“Doesn’t it bother you, hearing your brother having sex?”

“No, I was more concerned hearing you guys arguing than having sex. I want my brother to have fun. You still think it’s weird, don’t you? You’ll get used to it.”

“I wish my family were so laid back. If they find out that we’re sleeping together, I won't be allowed to visit anymore.”

“Now that’s what I call weird.”

She had a good point. I was starting to like Rebecca—although obviously not in the same way as her rodeo loving boyfriend—and she seemed to like me too.

Ahead of us, her brother was trying to write his name in the snow using the contents of his bladder. Rebecca shook her head and made fun of him, but her presence didn’t keep him from completing his work, and she didn’t seem particularly offended by the sight of her brother’s limp willy.

It meant nothing to them, but to me, it was an example of the enormous gulf that existed between our two families. I was certain they had far better parents than the ones I signed up with, but Don and Sue would never be able to understand their way of life. Don especially would see them as a direct threat to his middle-class family values, and I couldn’t imagine what Mr Symmonds and his happy clappers would think.

I liked Conner, and I was prepared to sacrifice a lot to be with him, but I wasn’t overly optimistic about our chances of having a long relationship. Too much depended on Don and Sue’s co-operation, and I knew from past experience that this could not be guaranteed. I wasn’t expecting them to be so obliging once the season of goodwill was over.