The Cockney Canuck - 15. Chapter 15 Going Straight

I wasn’t sure why I had asked Fran out. Of course, I liked her, she was good company and we had a lot in common, but before that day, I had only ever seen her as a friend. She told me later that she had decided to date me as soon as the teacher introduced me to the class in homeroom. It was her intention from the very beginning and it had taken her four weeks to get what she wanted.

I was naïve not to see it happening, believing that I had found myself a new friend. Now I wasn’t so sure that this would be the case and I didn’t hold out much hope of being able to hold down a relationship with her.

Later that evening, I called as promised. It was the first time that we had talked over the phone since exchanging numbers earlier in the week and she sounded excited to hear my voice. She had been hoping to go out with me on Sunday which was Valentine’s Day, but it didn’t mean much to me and it was too soon. I told her that I was going to be busy on Sunday and we arranged to go out the following Saturday instead. I knew that I needed to be a bit more assertive with Fran, I got the impression that she was used to getting her own way and sounded like she had everything planned.

We talked on the phone that night for well over an hour and I confessed to her that I had been a little surprised to discover that she liked me in that way.

“Geez Robbie, how obvious do I have to be? I’ve been dropping enough hints.”

“Sorry, I thought you just wanted to be friends, I’ve never been out with a girl before.”

“That’s cool, you're only fifteen, it’s no big deal and I promise to go easy on you.” I didn’t like the way that she said that but I knew that Fran didn’t have a lot of experience at the dating game either.

“So where are we going to go?” I asked. I had been sitting on the sofa on my own in the family room until Nicola sat down on one of the two armchairs opposite and gave me curious look. I guess that she wasn’t used to seeing me talking on the phone, but as far as I knew I was allowed to have friends.

“Do you like food?” asked Fran.

“Of course, if we don’t eat we die.” I could almost see Nicola’s mind working overtime trying to work out who I was talking to. She was so nosey it almost made me laugh.

“Funny,” said Fran, “but have you ever tried real Italian food? And I don’t mean pizza either."

“No I don’t think so; we didn’t really eat out a lot in England.

“Well we can go for an Italian meal if you want,” she said. “There’s a really nice restaurant by the harbour. The food is really good and the owner is a friend of my dad, so we’ll be looked after.”

I got the feeling that this was part of Fran’s plan, but it sounded a bit more interesting than going to the cinema, which I hadn't been looking forward to.

“Okay, I’m up for it, that sounds really cool.”

“Good, I think that you’ll enjoy it,” she said.

“If you're there, then I’ll definitely enjoy it,” I said, a little louder than necessary. I knew that this would grab Nicola’s attention and fuel her curiosity and I couldn’t resist it.

“Ah, that’s so sweet, Robbie.” I only said that to windup Nicola but I was starting to understand how easy it was for straight people to date and how much fun could be had.

The fact that Fran was a girl didn’t really matter that much to me at the time. She had given me a much-needed confidence boost and brought a smile to my face that everybody noticed. Only Daniel knew the reason behind it and I was surprised when he told me that he hadn't told anybody. I appreciated his loyalty but explained to him that it wasn’t a secret.

I wanted people to know that I was dating Fran, although I didn’t tell him that. After what he told me about Doug thinking that I was gay, I wanted to make sure that everybody knew for certain that I was straight. That wasn’t the reason why I was doing this though, and I really didn’t have any intention of using Fran as cover. I was going on a date with her because I liked her and I was genuinely attracted to her. I knew that I wasn’t going to stop liking boys all of a sudden and I couldn’t change who I was, or how I felt, but I was beginning to think that maybe I had a straight side as well and I was willing to give it a go.

* * * * *

“Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it,” said Tom when I called him the next day on Skype. We had decided to talk every Saturday and this was the second week. “Will I get an invite to the wedding?”

“Very funny!”

“Seriously mate, I didn’t think that it would be too long before you met someone, but I never expected it to be a girl.”

“Yeah well, you and me both.”

“So does this mean that you’re actually going straight?”

“I don’t know,” I said, a little tongue in cheek, “maybe.”

“Rubbish,” he said, “there’s no way that you would be able to do that. You like willy too much.”

“I like your willy too much you mean,” I said, lowering my voice. He stopped laughing and let out a long sigh.

“Robbie, I thought that you said…”

“Sorry.” I looked at him with a sad expression. We had agreed the week before not to mention our little fling or whatever he wanted to call it, but it was difficult for me to talk to him alone, without making some reference to what happened. “I forgot myself.”

Tom looked serious for a few seconds before the corners of his mouth began to curl upwards and he gave me a conciliatory smile. “It’s okay mate, it’s not easy for me either.”

It had been three weeks since our first very emotional Skype call, and I was pleased to see him looking and sounding a bit more like the Tom that I knew. Our conversations however, were tame and dull compared to what they were like before I left England. We talked mostly about football, the weather, our friends, and what we were doing at school, but nothing that really interested me.

I knew that he was still having problems sorting things out in his head, and it hurt me that he should feel ashamed by what we had done. For me, it had been the most magical period of my life so far and it didn’t really make any difference whether I turned out to be gay, straight or somewhere in between, I had absolutely no reason to feel ashamed.

‘If only Tom could stop beating himself up about it and feel the same way’.

I wanted to tell him about Fran. Maybe I was hoping that he would suddenly tell me that he loved me and plead with me not to do it, but to wait for him instead. It was a daydream that’s all. I knew it would never happen, but if he had ever said that for real, then I would have cancelled my date with her in an instant.

If dating was going to be a new experience for me then dating a girl was going to be really odd. I had never really pictured myself with a girlfriend before. It wasn’t something that I had ever expected to happen, but now that it had, I decided to give it a fair crack.

That night in bed, I tried to imagine what it would be like to have sex with her. I was able to play out this scenario in my head, but unfortunately, these thoughts didn’t travel to my dick, which remained soft, even after a few tugs to help it on its way. This wasn’t a good sign at all, especially as I knew that even the sight of Tom undoing the top button of his shirt, was usually enough to make me as hard as a rock. It was a worry, but I wasn’t going to put my life on hold because of it. The only way of knowing for sure if I was able to get turned on by a girl, was to try it and I had a feeling that if it went well on Saturday and we continued to date each other, then it wouldn’t be too long before I found out.

‘It wouldn’t surprise me if Fran had already worked out if we were going to have sex and written it in her dairy’.

If or when that day arrived, then I was sure that my landing gear wouldn’t let me down, and I would be able to find my way around the unfamiliar female body without too many problems. I had, of course, no previous experience of girls so there was a lot for me to learn when it came round to actually satisfying one sexually. I could try watching some straight porn, but Don had set up parental controls on the internet, which would prevent me from accessing those kinds of sites. I could try to get a bit of advice from someone at school, who I was fairly certain had a bit of experience in this field, but I didn’t think that I knew him well enough to be taking sex lessons from him. Then, of course, there was Nicola’s friend Naomi, who had laid it on a plate for me more than once.

‘I wonder what she would say if I asked her to explain to me how to make a girl have an orgasm? Maybe I should just jump in the deep end and rely on instinct with a bit of helpful advice from Fran’.

The other annoying thing about having sex with a girl was the need to consider contraception and this played on my mind quite a bit. The last thing that I needed in my life was to become a father. This was never a problem with Tom but knowing my luck, if I had unprotected sex once with a girl, then it was odds on that she would conceive. I liked saucepans,¹ but I didn’t like the idea of having any of my own, so I decided that if Fran was able to squeeze any sperm out of me at all, then it wasn’t going to go inside her.

* * * * *

That weekend also saw the start of the much heralded, Winter Olympic Games, which were being hosted this time by Canada in Vancouver. The closest that I had ever come to winter sports was watching Ski Sunday back in England, but in Canada, it was a big event.

Considering how much snow fell on the country it was hardly surprising that they were expected to do well at home and particularly in Ice Hockey. I watched the NHL on TV with Daniel and even gone to watch him practice, but nothing could have prepared me for the next couple of weeks. For most people, it was the only event in the Olympic Games that really mattered, and it mattered a lot. I got the feeling that the public didn’t just want their team to win the gold medal, as much as expect them to win it. Anything else would be seen as a failure.

Living in Canada during the winter and not liking hockey, must be similar to a vegetarian working at an abattoir, you get the feeling that you don’t really belong there. Everything in Canada in the winter seemed to be connected to the sport. The two were indelibly linked and it seemed that neither one could exist without the other. Canada couldn’t exist without hockey, and hockey couldn’t exist without Canada. Even though most of the NHL teams and all of the really successful ones were from America, they all seemed to have Canadian players and coaches.

I found it difficult to follow the game because I couldn’t see the puck and everything happened too quickly but another issue that I had was the ridiculous way that they seemed to integrate a highly professional team sport, with random, boxing, come wrestling bouts. There cannot be many things funnier than watching two heavyweight brutes, dressed up like the Michelin man, trying to slug it out while keeping their balance on ice skates. This had enough entertainment value to warrant a sport on its own, and it seemed to create more excitement in the crowd and with the commentators, than anything that happened within the actual game.

Even in rugby, which I was sure was every bit as tough a game as hockey, I knew for a fact that you were not allowed to throw punches. However, in the NHL, it seemed that simply being a good player wasn’t enough; you also had to be pretty handy with your fists and willing to drop the gloves with an opponent to provide a little extra entertainment for the crowd or TV audience. I wasn’t convinced that these fights weren’t stage managed most of the time. It struck me as being very orchestrated, shades of WWE perhaps, or maybe I was just being a cynic.

* * * * *

On Monday we had a day off, it was Family Day, which was a national holiday that nobody understood, but didn’t complain about, and so the school week began on Tuesday instead. Spurred on by the relentless TV coverage of the Winter Olympics, I spent the extra day learning how to skate on the small ice rink at the side of the house. After much pressure, I had finally agreed to buy a pair of skates and allow Daniel to teach me.

He obviously made it look a lot easier than it was and I spent most of the first hour on my butt, much to the amusement of Nicola and her friend Naomi, who watched from the safety of the balcony. I found it slightly easier to keep my balance after he gave me a hockey stick, but I had to concede fairly early on that it was unlikely that I would ever become a serious threat to Daniel’s domination at this discipline.

I thought that I was managing okay until Doug and Billy showed up with their skates tied and hung around their necks. I wasted no time in showing them exactly what I could do, by promptly falling ass over tit after attempting to hit the puck back to Daniel.

“Hey Daniel, you should have told me you had Sidney Crosby coming over,” yelled Doug and everyone laughed. I had no idea what he meant, but I had a feeling that things were about to get worse as Doug and Billy began putting on their skates. Once again I was thrown into the deep end, and our rivalry was put on hold for the afternoon, as I teamed up with Daniel for a makeshift game against Doug and Billy. I was actually more of a burden to Daniel, and despite his obvious talent; we ended up losing by double figures. Doug and Billy left shortly afterwards to go out somewhere, but Daniel, who was supposed to go with them, decided to stay with me instead, which I thought was a really cool thing to do.

“You can go out if you want,” I said. “I’ve had enough skating for one day anyway.”

“It’s okay,” he said, “I’m having fun and you need more practice…loser.” He pushed me backwards and skated off but surprisingly, I didn’t fall over and on such a small patch of ice, it wasn’t difficult for me to grab a hold of his jacket as he skated around me and we both ended up on our backsides, wrestling each other yet again.

“You two are so gay,” said Nicola, “it’s embarrassing.”

“He’s fighting me,” said Daniel in between laughing.

“He started it,” I said.

“What are they doing?” asked Naomi as she joined Nicola at the side of the ice.

“They’re rubbing themselves off against each other,” said Nicola.

“Wow, keep going boys that’s hot,” said Naomi. “Can you do it without clothes?”

“Not on the ice,” said Daniel laughing. “It’s too cold.” I had a feeling Naomi was being serious and I didn’t want to offer up any hard evidence, so I pushed him off me before it turned really embarrassing and scrambled to my feet.

I was looking back towards Daniel when I came crashing down on the ice again after colliding into something substantial, I was horrified when I looked over to see that it was Nicola.

“Asshole, you skated right into me.” Now I was in another embarrassing heap, and I could hear Daniel laughing. I honestly didn’t even know that Nicola was even on the ice.

“I didn’t see you,” I said, as I dragged myself off her and tried to stand up. She was quicker at doing this than me, and actually offered me a hand to help me up, which I humbly accepted.

“I’ll teach you how to skate,” she said, “watch me.” I had to admit that she was good, probably not as fast as Daniel was, but a lot more graceful and she seemed to be putting so little effort into it.

“She’ll have you skating like a girl,” said Daniel laughing, but he moved off the ice when Nicola headed towards him. I didn’t mind skating like a girl, as long as I could stay upright for a while, and spare my already aching body any more pain. After a brief lesson and a bit of verbal abuse, that I would have got anyway, I thanked Nicola for her valuable input as she left to go inside, leaving just me and Daniel. We stayed out there playing long after it got dark; it wasn’t that cold anymore, but kind of eerie and probably a little dangerous too.

In the end, it took Don shouting at us from the balcony to finally get us indoors, and I sat on my bed and gingerly peeled off layers of clothing to check out the damage to my body. Daniel told me that next weekend he was going to teach me how to do body checks, but the only body checking that I was interested in, was watching him as he stripped off naked right in front of me, without a care in the world.

This time he caught me looking. “What’s up?” he said. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” I said, “it’s nothing really.”

“Are you uncomfortable with me naked?” he asked, and I nearly choked.

“No, not at all, I’m just not used to it.”

“But you shared a room with Tom; you must have seen each other naked all the time.”

‘You're right about that’.

“Yeah,” I said, “but that was different. Look I’m not really bothered, and I didn’t mean to stare at your winkle.” I was smiling as I said that because I knew that he would find it funny.

“Winkle?” he laughed. I was right, everyone laughs. Then as if to prove my point, I followed his lead and stripped off stopping at my boxer briefs, which were wet around the waistband and needed to be changed. Daniel was drying himself off in the middle of the room, but I could see that he was still watching me. I had always known that there would be a time when I would have to overcome any shyness and be naked in front of Daniel. It was unavoidable, considering we shared a room and so many other activities. In the end, it really wasn’t such a big deal anyway, and I took a deep breath and casually dropped my underwear to the floor, before reaching for my own towel to dry off.

I turned around when Daniel started to laugh. “Dude, you have a big bruise on your butt,” he said, finding it really funny. I walked over to the mirror and craned my neck to see. He was right, no wonder it was painful, and I must have fallen pretty hard to bruise there. It wasn’t the only bruise either, I had them all over and now that I was warming up, they were starting to hurt.

As expected Daniel didn’t give a monkeys² about seeing me naked, the same as it didn’t bother him to undress in front of me. However, for me it was a big moment, and I was pleased to get it over with. It made sense, that if we were ever to be real brothers, then it was inevitable that this would happen. It was a natural progression that I had to make if I were ever to consider myself a member of the family. As for hockey, I thought that I might be busy come next weekend.

* * * * *

Fran had wasted no time telling her friends about our upcoming date and after I had given him the green light, Daniel had obviously mentioned it to his buddies, judging by the reaction that I got from them at lunch on Tuesday. All I had done was agree to go on a date with Fran, but in Doug’s eyes, I had been instantly transformed from a gay boy to a playboy. From that day my conversations with Doug and Billy were noticeably different as if I had been suddenly allowed into their little club. I found it amusing to discover that Doug had a crush on just about every girl in his year and a few in my year too, including as Daniel had mentioned Fran. For a fourteen-year-old boy, he seemed to know a lot about sex as well, much more than I did, although I doubted that he had seen any real action himself. Like most adolescent boys, he probably had to make do with jacking himself silly whenever he got the chance. Not that I found that distasteful in any way if anything I was jealous of him for having the opportunity to do that. It was difficult for me to find either the time or a place, to spank the monkey. I was too scared most of the time to do anything in the bedroom at night, in case Daniel heard me. The obvious place, I suppose, would be in the shower but I never left myself enough time in the mornings to do this and for some reason, I had always found it difficult to cum in the shower. The same was true in England and I didn’t know why.

This aside I was beginning to understand the enormous advantages that straight guys had over their gay counterparts. I had not even considered most of these things before. For example, how easy it was for guys to talk about sex to their friends or to openly drool when a hot girl would walk past us in the cafeteria. In fact, the more that you did this, the more it would enhance your reputation as a stud, at least as far as your friends were concerned. It had been the same in England and was probably like it the world over.

I had already decided that I would never allow anyone to know my secret in school. The consequences of coming out at high school were well documented, even in the more liberal Canada. I knew that I wasn’t going to be thrown in prison for it, but there was no doubt, judging by the homophobia that I had already seen that if I were outed, my future at school would be fraught with danger. Therefore it was never going to be an option for me. It was something that I was not even prepared to consider.

I gave it a lot of thought over the next few days. Maybe I was trying to solve a problem that did not exist and had never existed in the first place. It was clear to me that straight guys had the best deal in this world, and everything that I wanted in life like friends, happiness and love were all on their side of the fence. As a gay person, I was certain that I would face discrimination, hatred, and an unhappy life. I was not even confident that I would ever be able to find love at all. I had come close to finding it with Tom, but circumstances dictated that it was not to be. If I had remained in England, then my life may have been different. It would have been a lot easier to be gay in London, than it would be in Cobourg, with a population of barely twenty thousand.

I never wanted to be gay, it just happened. I would not have picked it had it been a choice, simply because of everything that went with it. I was only fifteen, but by being gay, I thought that I may just be throwing my entire life away.

My conclusion was that I needed to be straight, and I set about convincing myself that this was the case. Following Doug’s lead, I began to look more closely at some of the girls in school and I was able to find at least some of them attractive. As I got bolder, I even began making eye contact with some of these girls and to my surprise; I got a favourable reaction from a few of them, which made me feel good. There was something there, I knew it. I just needed to give it a chance and a bit more time.

Therefore, maybe I was not gay at all, but just going through that well documented teenage gay phase. I was too young to say for sure that I was always going to feel this way. Teenage boys often had gay tendencies at my age and would experiment with each other before dating girls. My first sexual encounter had only been a couple of months ago with Tom, and this had happened during a very emotional and difficult period in my life. I would be stupid to base my whole life on what had happened then. It was quite possible though unlikely that neither of us was truly gay but just confused and very horny. This was the argument that I was using to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. It had its flaws though, like the fact that since starting puberty and finding out about masturbation, all of my fantasies had been about boys rather than girls. So if this was just a phase, then it was a very long one. On the other hand, my only sexual experience had been with a boy, so how could I be so certain that I would not enjoy having sex with a girl as well. I would need to try it out first before making any decisions that would have a massive effect on the rest of my life.

* * * * *

On Wednesday I went out to lunch with Fran again, for what seemed like a dress rehearsal for our date, which was now only three days away. It was three weeks since we had gone to lunch at Tim Horton’s and once again we were on our own as we visited Swiss Chalet. Fran talked almost nonstop telling me everything about herself, what music she liked, her favourite actors, movies, singers and TV shows. I was a good listener and I didn’t mind too much because it kept the conversation away from me.

While she was talking, I studied her face. She was beautiful without a doubt and she had a nice body. She was telling me about some TV show or something while I tried once more to imagine what it would be like to have sex with her.

“You're not listening are you?” she said with a smile. “Sorry I didn’t mean to bore you.”

“No, you’re not boring me,” I lied. “I was listening to you honestly, I was just thinking about something else at the same time.”

“Oh that’s neat,” she said, sarcastically. “I didn’t know you could do that, what were you thinking about?” I had tried being honest with her, but this was the point where I so obviously had to ditch the truth. Therefore rather than tell her that I was trying to imagine shagging her, I toned it down a little.

“I was just thinking to myself how pretty you are,” I said and as soon as I said it, I was blushing and looking away. She reached across the table and grabbed my hands. Other than those two quick kisses at school, it was the first time that we had had any real physical contact and I enjoyed the feel of her soft warm hands over mine as she gently squeezed them.

“Oh Robbie,” she said and sighed. “That is such a nice thing to say and you're so honest about your feelings.”

What she said made me feel bad, but I was sure that if she knew the truth then she wouldn’t want anything to do with me. If I wanted Fran to be my girlfriend then I knew that I had no choice but to try and keep my past away from her.

The more that I thought about it, the more convinced I became that I was doing the right thing. I wanted to be able to hold hands with someone in public and to be able to kiss them, without bringing hostile attention to myself. I wanted to introduce somebody to my new friends and family, and tell them that this is my partner. I wanted to kiss and cuddle and whisper things, without having to be constantly worried about who was watching. I wanted to live a normal life, without the fear of being caught and outed, and all the shame that went with it.

Fran offered all those things to me and much more and it was too much to pass up. The proof of this was right there in front of me, as we held hands in the middle of a busy restaurant and nobody even batted an eyelid. The waitress probably didn’t even notice as she gave us the bill and why would she. I wondered what reaction I would have got if it had been Tom and I holding hands instead.

I knew that it wasn’t right or fair, and that gradually things were changing, but I wasn’t prepared to be on the front line. I had had enough traumas in my life already, and I didn’t need anymore. Other people would have to fight for gay rights and acceptance and I would always support their cause, but I needed to be happy and I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to be happy if I was gay.

* * * * *

All I had to do was resist temptation and stay away from gay people and looking around Cobourg you would have thought that this would be a fairly simple thing to do. There were no openly gay people walking around like there were in London. Except perhaps for one notable exception and on Thursday after my extended lessons, I bumped into Nathan again, at the bus stop outside the school.

If someone was ever going to test my resolve, it was this kid. He was my dream boy and I was totally smitten by him. I had actually been looking forward to seeing him all day and I wasn’t disappointed. When he saw me approaching, his cute face lit up with the warmest smile that you could possibly imagine, sending a wave of excitement rushing through me as I smiled nervously back at him. I was sure that I was walking on air for the final few steps, as I took my now regular seat next to him. It was considerably warmer than the sub-zero temperatures on the day that we first met and the heat seemed to be coming from him. This boy could have thawed the whole of Canada with the warmth that he generated, and I had an almost irresistible desire to grab hold of him and squeeze him as tightly as I could.

All these emotions were flying through me quicker than a toupee in a hurricane and I was a mental wreck as I tried to make some kind of conversation with this gorgeous boy. I was sure that he would think that I was a total fruitcake as I stumbled over my words in an attempt to say a simple greeting, but he just giggled shyly and it was such an amazingly cute giggle, that I swear I nearly jumped him right then and there.

He could see that I was nervous in his company, and he must have felt the same vibes that I was feeling and the same energy that seemed to pass between us. I summoned up all of my courage and turned my head towards him to look into those giant eyes of his that were so expressive and beautiful. I smiled and he smiled back and when we finally got the courage to say something we both spoke at the same time which made us giggle even more. It was childish, but I don’t think either of us really cared that much.

I spent about half an hour in his company and after a jittery start, we actually managed a reasonable conversation, although this was more down to Nathan’s efforts than my own. I already knew that he was a film buff and obviously an amateur actor, but I was surprised to find out that he was also a big fan of English comedy. I was impressed as he began reeling off names of obscure English comedians from years back, most of whom had most likely died before he was even born.

“Eric Sykes, Terry Thomas, Spike Milligan, Benny Hill, Peter Cooke. I love those guys,” he said. “Plus of course the Monty Python guys and Peter Sellers.”

“Clouseau in the Pink Panther films,” I said.

“That’s right,” he said. “I’ve seen all of them and I’ve got them all on DVD.”

“I’m impressed,” I said. “That’s really cool.” I wasn’t just saying that either, I really was impressed by his knowledge and enthusiasm, but the best was yet to come. “Have you ever watched any of the Carry On films?” I asked. These were my all-time favourite comedy movies.

“I have every one of them on DVD,” he said smiling at me as my mouth hung open.

“Are you serious?"

“Yeah, I think they're great.”

“I love them too,” I said maybe a bit too enthusiastically, but Daniel’s friend or not I was certain that I needed to get to know this kid.

‘We could be friends too, or maybe something more than that’?

At first, I would have been prepared to talk to Nathan about absolutely anything, as long as I got the chance to sit next to him and bask in his beauty. The fact that he shared the same passion for English sea-side humour as I called it was unreal. It was as if it was meant to be and I couldn’t believe my luck.

I soon forgot my nerves as we began quoting famous lines fro some of the films and rolling up in laughter. Then completely out of the blue, this sexy boy smiles at me and says. “You can come to my house one day and see my collection of DVDs if you want.”

I wanted all right; I wanted to go home with him right that day. I wanted to kiss him and suck on that cute face of his and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“It’ll be fun,” he said when I didn’t answer as if I needed persuading.

“Huh, oh...sorry,” I said. “Yes, that would be really cool. Let me know when you're free and I’ll come over.” I hoped that it didn’t sound too desperate, but that’s how I felt. He smiled and raised his eyebrows at me after I said that, and it was mind-blowingly cute.

“Do you even know where I live?”

“No, but I’m sure I’ll find it,” I said.

“Not without an address,” he laughed. “Why don’t you come over with Daniel one day?”

I wasn’t overjoyed at this statement; I wanted him to myself and didn’t want to have to share him with Daniel. Besides, with Daniel there, I knew that nothing would happen, and I was sure that I wanted something to happen. I wanted that more than anything else in the world. My dick was telling me that I wanted it right now, and if Nathan had asked me to go with him around the back of the bushes and suck him off, I would have gladly followed him, and he wouldn’t have been able to prize my gob from his dick until he had given me at least three loads.

I wasn’t too disappointed to see his bus arrive before mine. It meant that I wouldn’t have to stand up before him and risk him noticing my boner. I was sure that he had one too though and I tried to get a peek, but he skilfully wrapped his coat around him to hide his groin, which led me to believe that I was right. As he boarded the bus he gave me a cute little wave which screamed out gay and had me looking around to make sure that nobody had seen him. This was more proof of something that I already knew. I hadn't even done anything and I was still scared shitless of being caught, but if anyone was worth having to live that kind of a life for, it was Nathan.

‘If I’m serious about being straight, then I’m going to have to do a lot better than that’.