The Cockney Canuck - 30. Chapter 30 Drugs, Sex and Rock and Roll

Sue was a little surprised when I asked her on Friday, if it was okay for me to sleep over at Alex’s house. She gave me a suspicious look that told me she wasn’t buying it.

“I would prefer it if you were honest with me, Robbie,” she said. “If you want to spend the night with Fran, then just ask me. I don’t approve because you’re still only fifteen, but we’re not going to stop you, provided you’re both sensible, and by that I mean contraception.” I cringed as she said this. She had, of course, got it all wrong and now she was totally embarrassing me.

‘That woman is obsessed with my sex life. Is it really that easy for girls to get pregnant?

“It’s not what you’re thinking,” I protested. “I’m not staying at Fran’s house. Alex is a friend who’s been teaching me how to play baseball, and he’s asked me if I wanted to hang out with him tonight. He’s in the school baseball team.” I don’t know why I added the last bit; I thought she might be impressed. It was frustrating because I was telling the truth. It would have been far easier for me to tell her that I was going to Fran’s.

“As long as you’re safe, and we don’t have any little Robbie’s running around in the near future,” she said. “I’ve already discussed this with Fran.”

“That would be gross,” added Nicola.

“Who asked you anyway,” I replied.

‘Where did she come from’?

“Don’t worry mom,” she said. “I doubt if Robbie’s even capable of getting a girl pregnant.” She pulled a face at me.

“What would you know?” I said.

“Have you even got any sperm, because you haven’t got any balls, that’s for sure?”

“You’re hilarious Nicola.”

‘Same old joke. Fran could definitely testify otherwise’.

“Okay, that’s enough, you two,” said Sue. “Either be nice to each other or don’t say anything.” Nicola pulled up a stool and sat at the breakfast bar. I was hoping that she would go away, but she didn’t need to talk, to wind me up. She had plenty of other tricks up her sleeve.

I looked over at her and shook my head. “So is it okay then?” I asked Sue.

“So you're really not staying at Fran’s house?”

“No, I told you that.”

”I’ve never even met this boy, I know nothing about him, I want you to write down his address and phone number for me first, so I know where you are.”

I sighed, “He’s the boy whose house I went to when I got caught in the rain, remember, but I’ll leave you his details, it’s not a problem.”

“Oh, I see,” she said. “Well, it would be a good idea for me to talk to his mom first, to make sure that she’s okay with having you. Besides, I still haven’t thanked her, for helping you that night.”

“There’s no need, I’ve already thanked her, and she won’t be there now anyway, they’ve gone out and won’t be back until later tonight.”

“So his parents won’t be there,” she looked concerned and I was beginning to wonder if it was even worth the effort that I was putting in.

‘She’s never gonna let me go now’.

“They’ll be back later tonight, that’s why he invited me over, to keep him company, he’s fifteen, we’re not kids and it’s not like he’s gonna kidnap me or anything.” My mind conjured up an image of me tied to Alex’s bed, which started a chain reaction ending in my loins.

Sue studied my face and then relented. “Okay hun, I trust you, but you're not to leave his house and go out anywhere,” she said. I couldn’t believe what I heard. It was a mistake; I even knew it at the time and one that I really wasn’t expecting her to make. Nicola shook her head and stared at her mom with venom but I resisted the urge to gloat, fearing that I would be pushing my luck. I wrote down his address and phone number and handed it to Sue.

“So is this Alex’s cell phone number?” she asked.

“Yes, I don’t know his land line, but I’ll have my phone on me too.” It seemed to be enough to placate her, at least for the time being.

“Alex?” asked Nicola. “You mean, Alex Baker?”

I clapped her sarcastically, as far as I knew he was the only Alex in grade ten.

“How come you’re suddenly friends with Alex Baker?” she said. “You're too different to be friends.”

“What Nicola means is, Alex, is much too cool and popular to be hanging around with a loser like me,” I said sarcastically.

She looked as if she was considering what I just said. “Yup, that just about sums it up,” she said and started laughing.

“Well I guess that he’s just feeling sorry for me then,” I said, as I picked up my school bag to go downstairs. “Or I could be paying him to be my friend for a while so that I can look cool in his company.”

‘If she ever found out what was really going on, she would totally freak out, but I guess everyone would’.

“What time will you be back tomorrow?” said Sue.

“Wait a minute, are you sleeping over at Alex Baker’s house?” asked Nicola, and I swear I saw her jaw drop. I knew that Alex was one of the cool kids in school, but I hadn’t even considered this aspect. This was an added bonus, like finding a toy in your bowl of cereal.

I looked at her as if she was crazy. “Is there something that I don’t know like is he a vampire or something?” I asked.

It was obvious to me now, that Nicola was going to be seriously wound up over this, and I could almost see her brain ticking over, trying to figure out why we were friends. It was funny; because there was no way that she was ever going to find out the truth, and nothing else made any sense at all. Even I had to admit that Alex and I, would never have been friends if he hadn’t of enticed me out of hiding for other reasons. We had absolutely nothing in common; in fact, you wouldn’t be able to find two more unlikely friends if you tried. It was bizarre, and the more that I pondered this, the more amusing it became.

The possibilities were endless.

‘Maybe this is a good thing, after all, maybe I can use Alex. It’s not like he isn’t using me. All I have to do is keep him happy, and let him play with my dick now and then. What could be easier than that’?

I can’t deny that the thought of allowing Alex unrestricted access to my private regions excited me, although I couldn’t understand why. He was good-looking, but certainly not a pretty boy. I would have described him as being handsome, rather than cute. He wasn’t perfect like Nathan, but rough and ready, complete with cuts, scars, and bruises. The girls loved him and there was something about him that attracted me too. Maybe it was the ultra-straight, tough-guy, jock image that he portrayed. I think that this was a big part of the attraction, as was the fact that when I was in his company, I was so obviously dancing to his tune. Despite our frequent disagreements, it was clear which of us was the dominant male. He was stronger than I was, and had already shown that he had the beating of me in any physical contest.

In an odd way, I rather liked being told what to do by him. I couldn’t understand why this was, but I found it disturbingly erotic to be under his control. It was something that I didn’t want to dwell on too much, for fear of discovering something else that was wrong with me. I could barely come to terms with being gay; I certainly wasn’t ready to embrace any weird sexual fetishes just yet.

His masculinity certainly appealed to me though, it made me feel safe when I was with him, and in more ways than one. For a start, I knew that he would never allow anyone to discover our secret friendship; he had too much to lose. Besides, no one would be stupid enough to believe that Alex Baker was into boys, and if they did, they certainly wouldn’t confront him about it. Therefore, with all the concerns that I had about getting too close to Nathan, and being outed before I was ready, Alex provided a plausible outlet for my sexual needs, without any fear of being discovered.

However, I still couldn’t help feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt for agreeing to do this again. It was mostly because of Fran, but Nathan also played a big part. It felt as if I was betraying both of them, and I probably was. Fran especially, she was, after all, my girlfriend. I had expected her to be faithful to me, and I didn’t want to hurt her. It played on my mind all day, and I created a dozen different reasons why I should go, and another dozen reasons why I shouldn’t. When it came time to make a decision, the excuses that I used were lame, designed to appease my sudden, inexplicable, sense of morality, and make me believe that I was doing the right thing. In the end, probably the best excuse that I had to go over there, was the fact that it was now too late not to, and I was worried about how he would react if I were to back out at the eleventh hour.

I was lured, I suppose, by the one thing that Fran couldn’t give me that Alex could. It was those important few inches of him that dangled, tantalisingly between his legs that had swung it for me, and I was fast realizing that this would always be the case. As disturbing as this was for me to admit, the idea was beginning to emerge, that it was possible that I wasn’t even bi-sexual. It was a terrifying prospect and something that I didn’t want to believe, or even think about, for that matter. If true, then this would mean the end of my life as I knew it, the end of any privileges, of any help or guidance, and the end of my new family. I would be on my own from here on in, and that was something that I definitely didn’t want. I had been there before and I had no intention of returning, no matter what.

* * * * *

I was early and nervous, as I tapped on the glass at 32 Simpson Drive that evening. The sun was just setting in a clear sky and although the temperature was barely into double digits, the conditions were considerably better than the last time that I stood outside his door. The bittersweet memory of that eventful night, not for the first time that day, came flooding back to me, making me shiver. This time I had decided to get a cab to his house, and it was clearly a case of shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted.

The door was opened by a boy who looked to be the double of Alex, but a little younger.

“Are you Robbie?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, “Is Alex in.” It was a stupid question of course he was.

“My brother’s in the shower,” he said, “but he told me that you were coming over tonight, you can come in. I’m Luke.”

“Hello Luke,” I said.

“I’ve never met you before; you're not one of my brother’s usual friends.”

“No, I haven’t been over here that long.”

“I like the way you talk,” he said, “its like, really English.”

“He is English, dork.” It was Alex, and we both turned to watch him, as he ran past us with just a towel wrapped around him, and then back again holding what looked like a pair of underpants. “Oops,” he said, “forgot these, be back in a minute.” We heard him running downstairs and Luke started to laugh as he sat down on the sofa opposite me.

“He forgot his underwear,” he said, giggling and I laughed too.

‘I like this kid’.

Luke was five years younger than Alex but shared the same boyish good looks and cheeky smile. There was another brother, who I was yet to meet, although I had seen him in passing at school. His name was Brad, and he was the eldest of the three boys. Alex had talked a bit about his brother the last time I was there, and I got the impression that Brad, was also a bit of an attraction when it came to the girls in school.

When Alex returned, he was fully dressed and looked ready to have his own little party.

“Do you drink beer?” he shouted from the kitchen.

“I do,” shouted Luke.

“I’m not talking to you jerk,” said Alex.

“Sure,” I said, “but I’ve only ever tried Canadian beer once, and that was on the flight over here.”

“Really?” he said. “Man, I gotta get you hammered.” Then he appeared with two bottles of beer, already opened.

His brother held out his hand, which Alex slapped after handing me one of the beers and swigging at the other one.

“Ohhhh that’s not fair,” said Luke, and folded his arms on his knees in a strop.

“Don’t tell dad, I took these okay,” said Alex in a brotherly, but threatening voice.

I took a big, thirsty, gulp of his dad’s beer, copying Alex, and trying to keep up, while Luke did all the talking, asking his brother if there were any girls coming over that night.

“None of your business dude,” said Alex.

“My brother has lots of girlfriends,” said Luke.

“Is this true?” I said, laughing with the pair of them.

Alex nodded. “It has been known,” he said, before sending his younger sibling upstairs to bed with a list of instructions. Luke though, was reluctant to leave, and it took Alex, half an hour, plus a little bribery before he would leave us alone. Once it was quiet upstairs, Alex, ushered me down to his apartment as he called it.

“So how’s Fran?” It took me by surprise, and I had no idea why he suddenly wanted to talk about my girlfriend. I had been trying to forget about her.

“She’s fine,” I said, “you saw her this afternoon in school, remember.”

“Look, Robbie, if you guys ever need a place to get a little romantic and stuff, then you can always stay here for the night if you want to.” I looked at him as if he were mad. “That couch you're sitting on pulls out to make a neat double bed.”

“How would that work?” I said.

“Easy, you just pull these little handles at the front and drag the thing out.” He looked at me as if I was stupid.

“What I meant was, how would it work with your parents and brothers upstairs?”

“Oh…well that’s easy, you don’t need to walk through the house, I have another entrance at the back over there.” He pointed, and then led me over to the far corner of the basement. There was a metal ladder that folded out from the wall, directly under a small wooden door, just below the ceiling. “This is the back entrance; it leads out to the side of the house. No one would even know you were here, we use it quite a lot.”

“We?”

“Yeah, Brad uses this place too, we kind of share it.” It made sense, I had been wondering why his elder brother didn’t lay claim to this neat little den.

‘I can’t believe that he would be okay with me bringing Fran over here and banging her on the couch, with him sleeping in the next room’.

He didn’t seem like the kind of person who would be overly concerned with someone else’s relationship; he wasn’t even concerned about his own.

I walked back over to the couch, while he went into his room to put some music on, heavy metal, hardly my taste but it was his house, so I didn’t complain.

“I can grab us some more beer if you wanna get a little drunk,” he said.

“Won’t your dad notice them missing?” I knew that Don would have.

“Oh yeah sure, but I can replace them before he gets back tomorrow, Brad’ll get them for me if I ask him nicely.”

“Where is Brad?” I asked.

“At a party somewhere, he spends every weekend partying, I doubt if we’ll see him before Sunday,” he said laughing. “He’s pretty wild, man.”

It was easy to see that Alex had a certain amount of admiration for his older brother, and judging by the way that he had demolished his beer; he was probably following his example.

“You are staying tonight, right,” he said.

“I don’t have to I can always get a cab home if you want.” I would have preferred that.

“No man, I want you to stay over, it’ll be cool, we can party all night and you can sleep late.” It sounded like a good idea, getting drunk was fun when I did it with Fran, but I didn’t want to throw up again, that was for sure.

‘Maybe he wants to just get drunk, instead of doing stuff. I don’t mind, it would be cool hanging out with Alex like we were friends’.

“I’ve got something else, if you want, it’ll make you feel good.”

“What?”

“Do you ever do drugs Robbie?” he said. “Like in England, or anything.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small re-sealable bag.

“I’ve had a few spliffs with friends,” I said. “But the last time, I got ill and it put me off.”

“How about these little guys, have you ever tried them?” He tossed me over the bag, which contained about half a dozen or so, small white pills, the size of your average headache tablet. I took a close look at them through the bag.

“What are they?”

“Amphetamine dude. Speed pills, my brother gets them all the time.”

“He gives them to you?”

“Fuck no, I have to pay him and they're not cheap.”

‘His brother sells him drugs’?

“What do they do, is it the same as smoking weed?”

“No man, it’s completely different, you won’t get stoned on these, but you’ll get high and they’ll keep you awake. They give you energy.”

“Like Red Bull?” I asked.

“Kinda, but more intense.”

I wasn’t very fond of energy drinks, and I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel. Smoking a spliff with Tom was one thing, but this was a big step up and probably illegal too. My mom had always warned me about the dangers of drugs, but she had also told me to stay away from alcohol, and that proved to be fun.

“I dunno if I should,” I said.

“That’s cool dude, I’m not gonna push you, but you're definitely gonna miss out on a lot of fun.” He picked up the bag, opened it, took one out and popped it into his mouth as if it was nothing more than a vitamin pill. Then he picked up my beer, and took a swig from it, to wash it down. “Sorry man, I’ve drunk mine, but I’ll go grab us a couple more.”

I didn’t mind and I finished it off as he disappeared upstairs to the kitchen. He had left the bag of pills on the coffee table in front of me, and I picked them up and took one out to study it again, as if I was going to be able to get some insight into the effects of this drug, simply by looking at it.

‘Alex seemed okay about taking one, he must have done these before loads of times and he told me that I wouldn’t get stoned, just high. I always thought that was the same thing’.

I didn’t like the idea of missing fun, so when I heard him coming downstairs, I popped it into my mouth and handed the bag back. He noticed straight away that there was one missing.

“Did you take one?” he asked, and I opened my mouth to show it to him, sitting on my tongue. “Good man looks like we’re gonna have ourselves a party.” He handed me a fresh, cold beer, and I took a big swig of it to swallow down the pill, while Alex played some air guitar, over a solo from a song, that I had never heard before.

I had no idea how long it would take before I was able to feel the effects of the amphetamine that I had taken, and when I asked Alex a while later, he was noncommittal. I could definitely feel something, but I wasn’t sure if it was just the beer. I had no idea how it was supposed to make me feel.

‘Maybe it's not working’.

After being so cautious about taking it in the first place, I was now starting to feel a little cheated. I felt quite hot though, and I noticed that I was getting a little chatty, but I was expecting much more. I still didn’t feel that different, and I was sure that it was the beer that was making me light headed.

‘They're probably not that strong after all ‘.

I didn’t know whether I should feel relieved or disappointed, but when I tried to take a leak, it took me ages, because I had an erection that wouldn’t go down. I hadn't even noticed that I was getting hard, but after spending at least ten minutes forcing out a pee, my focus switched to needs that were more carnal. It was the reason for me being there in the first place, and I had to remind myself.

Alex seemed to be more interested in boring me, with endless talk of baseball, and the World Series, but I had switched off ages ago, and soon, the only thing that I could think of was sex.

“Am I boring you?” he finally asked.

“Only a lot,” I said, and laughed.

“Okay buddy, you're gonna pay for that comment,” he said, and as I bolted off the couch to escape him, he grabbed my ankle, and pulled me to the floor. It was almost too easy for him, and I made only a half-hearted attempt to break free. “Are you gonna say sorry?”

“No!” I said, against my better judgement. I knew what was coming, we had played out a similar scenario the last time I visited, only that time was for real and this was just playing. That’s what I had assumed anyway, but Alex’s playing was almost as rough as when he was being serious, as he sat on top of me, slapping me around the head, while I attempted to fend him off.

“Arrghh, get off me, please,” I said, and unlike previously, he obliged, offering me his hand, to pull me up. “Why do you always want to beat me up, when I come round here?”

“I didn’t beat you up, you little girl,” he said, mocking me.

I was hot and sweaty, as I tipped the last drops of beer into my mouth to quench an increasing thirst. I was still trying my best to be angry with him, but failing miserably. I was too horny to be angry, and as I sat extra close to him on the couch, I had every intention of getting my hands on his dick.

“You look really hot,” he said, laughing at me.

“I am hot,” I said, as I squirmed around next to him, unable now to keep still.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Good.”

“Only good?” he said.

“Very good,” I said, smiling and flagrantly rubbing my hand over the ever-increasing lump, at the front of my pants.

“Anything else,” he said, smiling back and watching me, as I spread my legs further apart.

“Yes, I feel horny,” I said. It was probably the understatement of the year, I was approaching desperate.

“You can jerk off if you want, I don’t mind. I’ll just watch,” he said.

“Why don’t you do it for me?”

“Uh uh, not yet,” he said, wagging his finger at me and smiling. I sat there pouting and squeezing my dick through my pants.

“Can you open the window or something,” I said, “it’s too hot in here.”

“It’s a basement dude, there are no windows, and it’s not hot in here, it’s you. Why don’t you take off your shirt?”

I would never usually even consider the idea of removing my shirt in somebody’s house, but the drug had obviously suppressed my usual inhibitions, and I pulled my t-shirt off over my head, throwing it to the floor.

“Are you ready for another?” he said, and I nodded, as he pulled the little bag from his pocket and placed another pill in my hand. I had assumed that he was offering me a beer, and I told him so.

“Geez Robbie, you come here, drink all my dads’ beer, take all my drugs, and want me to jerk you off,” he said jokingly. “What do I get in exchange?”

“A blowjob,” I said.

“Is that it,” he said, surprising me.

“What else do you want me to do?” I said, cautiously.

“I wanna have sex with you tonight,” he said, “do you know what I mean?” I knew exactly what he meant, and I was certain that he wasn’t intending to be on the receiving end, I was far from keen.

“I dunno,” I said. “I think that would hurt.”

“I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you,” he said, and he turned his body towards me, reaching over to put his hand on my crotch and rub me. The only thing that I was capable of thinking at the time, was how much I wanted him to touch me and bring me off, it was the only thing that mattered. I made my point to him by spreading my legs as far as I could and lifting my hips off the seat to grind into his hand. When he still didn’t take the hint, I reached down to unzip my pants and pushed them down with my briefs to reveal myself, watching for his reaction. His hand fell down and he went to work like a seasoned pro.

“Geez, I have a sex maniac on my hands,” he said, as I moaned in response to his hand movements. Then he upped the ante as he shifted over and began licking my nipples. The sensation made me buck and nearly cry out. I told him to go faster, unable to wait any longer, but instead of speeding up; he stopped completely gripping me tightly, as he raised his head to look me in the eyes.

“Do you want me to carry on?” he said, with a teasing smile. I nodded, unable to even speak at that point. I wanted that more than anything in the world. “Only if you promise to have sex with me later.”

“Please!” I mumbled.

“Is that a yes I hear?”

“Yes,” I said. “I’ll let you do anything you want.”

He smiled, as he went back to work in the way that is familiar to every boy and he soon had me spurting like a fountain. He wiped his hand on my chest before running upstairs to get some more beer. I was unable to move, but still had the pill that he had given to me, in my hand. When he returned, I swallowed it with my beer without even thinking.

* * * * *

Later, I could feel the sweat trickling from my forehead as I sat on the floor with my back against the wall. I was only wearing my boxer briefs and my erection, which hadn't left me, even after my orgasm, was stretching out the fabric that was holding it in place, leaving nothing to the imagination.

“Shit man, if only you knew what you were doing to me,” said Alex. He was wearing only a white singlet top and a pair of striped boxers. I stood up to grab my beer and his eyes followed me around the room, he reminded me of a vulture circling a dying animal.

It wasn’t difficult to work out why Alex, had been so keen for me to take the pills. I couldn’t remember what he said they were, but they were making me feel incredibly horny, raising my libido to an all time high. The drug had crept up on me slowly, but now it was definitely in control. It had sharpened my senses and kept me wide-awake and restless. I was focused and felt good about myself. I had never experienced anything even remotely like this before. I had seriously underestimated this drug, and I was beginning to wonder if I had made the right decision by taking the second one.

It had also raised my body temperature to near dangerous levels, and I was unable to stop myself from biting my lip and grinding my teeth. Alex, seeing how hot I was, had brought me out a glass of cold water and forced me to drink it, as he stood behind me and wrapped his sweaty arms around my neck. Now I needed to get rid of some of this energy, my dick was harder than it had ever been, and in desperate need of more attention.

Alex had been talking incessantly for most of the evening, but I wasn’t able to remember a single thing that he had said. He had done the same drugs as I had, drank the same amount of beer and looked just as excited. If he was even half as horny as me, then we were in for a long and eventful night.

A little earlier, he had decided to pull out the couch, turning it into a double bed and cutting the room in half. Now he gently led me towards it and then pressed his face up against mine, so that our noses were touching. I was tempted to kiss him but I remembered his rules and bit my lip instead.

“Do you wanna have some fun with me?” His voice was smooth and inviting, but his polite tone seemed to be almost out of synch with the heated scene that was unfolding before us.

‘It’s a bit late to be asking me something like that. Would he even allow me to say no at this point’?

I didn’t want to find out.

He gave me that cheeky smile, and I felt his hand wrap around my dick. It sent an excited shiver through my body and I used my hand to fish for his tackle. He was huge; he looked and felt as if he was even bigger than he was a couple of weeks earlier. Maybe it was the drugs, distorting my vision and my senses. At that moment, it was the sexist thing that I had ever seen, and I would do anything that he desired. He had me exactly where he wanted.

I have to admit, it felt good to have something to play with again, something much more familiar to me, that I knew how to handle and how to pleasure. As much as I enjoyed watching Fran playing with my penis and the obvious pleasures that accompanied it, I couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy as well, as if I was missing something. I had a hot looking girl, who was ready and willing to service my needs at any given moment, seemingly without needing anything in return, how could any boy not be happy with that? It felt almost criminal to still be unfulfilled and have to source another kind of pleasure elsewhere.

Any concerns that I had though, were lost as Alex straddled my chest, and invaded my mouth with his oversized penis. I choked, but he didn’t relent, holding my hands above my head, while working himself off to a chaotic finish with his free hand, flooding my mouth with his warm juices. I spat out some and swallowed the rest before examining my mouth in the mirror to make sure that he hadn't done any serious damage. He told me, that it was the best orgasm that he had ever had, and judging by the way that he was throwing himself around and banging his dick against the back of my throat, I believed him. There was more to follow, I knew that there would be, I felt as if I could go on all night and we tried to do just that.

I don’t remember what time it was when we left the couch and crawled into his bed to recover from our exertions, but I had every intention of trying to get some sleep as I detached myself from him, lying face down, with my head buried in his pillow. I was still hard and knew that he would be too. He kept fidgeting and I wasn’t surprised, when he eventually climbed on top of me, massaging my shoulder blades and slowly rubbing his penis between the cheeks of my butt. I had been expecting him to try this a lot earlier.

“Robbie, do you want me to do it…you know what we talked about earlier.”

‘Alex lost for words, I don’t believe it’.

“Do what Alex?” I wanted to make him say it.

“You know,” he said.

“Are you getting shy on me all of a sudden?” He answered by pressing the head of his penis against my hole.

“If you want to fuck me, then I don’t mind. If that’s what you want. But go easy, that tool of yours is bigger than anything that I’ve had up there before.”

“Geez Robbie, how many guys have you done it with?”

“Just the one, but you're definitely a lot bigger,” I said.

“Don’t worry, dude, I’ll be careful not to hurt you, I promise.”

It was soon obvious to me, just how much planning Alex, had put into this night, as he reached into his bedside drawer, and pulled out a tube of lube and a packet of condoms. I had insisted on both, as part of the conditions, and he didn’t object. He was probably as careful as he could be with something that big, but it still hurt, despite lots of lube and a lot of patience.It took him ages to penetrate me and when he did, it felt as if he had his whole arm up there. I hated it but I put up with it hoping that each paiful thrust would be the last.

* * * * *

We hardly slept, even when we were all sexed out, those little pills wouldn’t allow us anymore than a few random catnaps. I was hot and sweaty, and the bed sheets were wet from our joint perspiration. It was six o’clock when I asked him if I could use his shower, and I was relieved when he allowed me to do so alone. By the time we had both showered, I was sitting on the bed, in my clean clothes, watching in silence as he dressed. I was pretty sure even then, that this would be my last rendezvous with Alex, although I wasn’t going to tell him that just yet. He looked at me, as he pulled up his underwear and made a meal of tucking his dick inside, which I found funny. I would no doubt see it again; plenty more times in the school showers, but not up close anymore. That would probably be a blessing. We didn’t say a lot to each other that morning; I guess we had both talked enough gibberish during the night to last a lifetime.

He had given me a half-hearted invitation to hang around for a while, but he didn’t seem that enthusiastic and I guess he was only being polite. I knew my place and accepted it, as he ushered me out the back way, up the ladder, to the side of the house, to avoid being spotted by any of the neighbours. I thought it a little unnecessary, after all, it was still only seven-thirty on a Saturday morning and there wasn’t a soul about, not even any cars on the road. I don’t think he even managed to say goodbye to me and once again, it made me feel cheap and worthless.

‘What would Nathan think if he found out. I doubt if he would even want to know me afterwards and I wouldn’t blame him’.

I walked home, I had figured that it would make me tired and I would be able to go to sleep when I got in, although I wasn’t sure how I was going to get away with sleeping all day. The drugs didn't seem to be wearing off and I wasn't the least bit tired but when I arrived home I was in pain. My backside ached and my but hole was stinging and sore. He had really hurt me, and it was difficult to see how he couldn’t have. Even my mouth was sore, where he had repeatedly thrust himself into it.

I only had myself to blame, it was something that my teacher in England used to say to me regularly and it was true. I knew that in the end, I had chosen to do it, and I was aware of everything that happened throughout the night. It wasn’t as if I had passed out and he had taken advantage of me. I could have called a stop to it at any time, or at least that’s what I wanted to believe.

Don and Sue were out visiting friends for most of the day and Daniel and Nicola left me alone. I even called off my study period with Fran, telling her that I wasn’t feeling that well, and that was the truth because it took nearly the whole weekend to recover from that Friday night.

When I went to the toilet the next day, it hurt so bad that I nearly screamed in pain. Afterwards I sat there for ages, consumed with guilt and believing that Alex may have actually done some serious damage.

‘I can’t even go to the doctor, what would I say to him. Sue would never book me an appointment with a doctor without wanting to know what was wrong with me and she would want a full explanation’.

I would have to hope that if there were anything wrong, it would heal itself.

Alex didn’t call me, not even the next day to see if I was okay. I had expected him to do that at least and I was disappointed by his lack of interest in me, now that he didn’t have anything to gain.

I swore that I would never do anything like that again.