The Cockney Canuck - 38. Chapter 38 Breaking Up

“What do you mean you can’t come over this weekend?” Fran was stern faced but reasonably controlled when she turned on me towards the end of our chemistry class on Tuesday morning. At least she wasn’t shouting, I knew that she wouldn’t do that in the classroom.

“Fran I’m sorry, but I can’t do it. We need to talk okay, I’m serious.”

“We don’t need to talk,” she said calmly, “it’s quite clear that you wanna split up with me.”

I froze on my stool; my eyes fixed on her. I was expecting her to continue and when she didn’t I chose not to speak, knowing full well that this would confirm what she had just said.

“It’s true then; I thought as much,” she hissed at me. “Why can’t you just be straight with me?”

“I’m sorry.” I lowered my head to avoid her stare, as if this would somehow soften the blow. I could see her looking at me menacingly, from the corner of my eye and our little exchange although muffled, contained enough drama to alert those working nearby. Once again, we were beginning to attract unwanted attention and I looked up quickly to scan the lab and meet a few already interested eyes.

I knew how it worked by now, students hungry for a morsel of gossip to take with them to lunch and share with their friends. There had been times when I had shared in the fun at the expense of others, but this was a lot more serious than most of the other petty high school break-ups. I had a lot more to lose than the other kids and I knew that I had to keep a lid on this, if I were to survive without being outed to the entire school before the day was out.

“You’re a fucking ASSHOLE!” She slammed her workbook onto the bench and turned her back on me. It got the attention of the rest of the class and brought a surprised look from the teacher, Mr Smith, followed by a hard stare in my direction. My mouth was dry and my mind in a spin, as I panicked and tried desperately to think of something to say that would smooth things over.

“Fran please, we need to talk, don’t do this.” I was trying hard to whisper, but I think everyone overheard including Mr Smith who cleared his throat and approached our workstation.

“Is there a problem Fullerton?” he asked.

“No sir,” I replied for the pair of us, but as he turned his back on us, Fran sneered at me and shook her head to show her displeasure.

“What?” I mouthed before scanning the room again to give a dirty look to anyone still interested, including a certain Alex Baker, who sat at the next bench.

‘I guess Fran’s finally got the message’.

It wasn’t going as planned though; I would have preferred to have had the opportunity to talk to her alone and explain my situation to her properly. I suppose these things rarely go well and finally, after much pressing about the weekend, I had been forced to bring forward the news that I wouldn’t be posing nude for her painting on Saturday, after all.

Barely ten minutes of the class remained and they were probably the longest ten minutes that I had had to endure so far in that school. At the buzzer, Fran quickly placed her folder in her bag and turned away from me to walk briskly towards the door.

“Fran, wait a minute, please. I need to talk to you,” I said grabbing her arm, but she pulled it away and turned on me.

“Stay away from me.” She spun and stormed out leaving me stranded at the workstation as the class emptied around me. I needed to talk to her and grabbed my stuff in a delayed reaction, with every intention of following her out into the corridor.

“Woah, wait up man.” It was a familiar voice and a familiar touch, as I felt a hand rest firmly upon my shoulder, holding me back. “Let her go, she’ll come back.” I brushed his hand away and turned on him angrily.

“What do you know…Alex,” I said, staring at him.

‘Why are you even talking to me’?

I set off towards the door again but he quickly moved to stand in front of me blocking my way. For a moment we stood face to face, his hands pressed against my shoulders and I stared into his dark eyes as he flashed me the cheeky grin that he was so good at.

“I know a lot about girls,” he said, “believe me.”

“I don’t doubt that,” I said, “but it’s got nothing to do with you.”

“I’m only trying to help you man,” he said, throwing both his hands in the air and moving to one side. It was rare to see him back away like that and it took me by surprise, but I didn’t care for the slightly mocking smile that he gave me.

“You can help by staying away.”

“Well fuck you buddy,” he said.

‘Yeah, you’ve already done that’!

I shook my head and sidestepped him to walk towards the door. Fran had already left and we were the last two students to file past the beady eyes of Mr Smith. As we reached the busy corridor, I could feel Alex’s breath on the back of my neck and I spun around to confront him.

“What do you want?”

“I told you; I’m trying to help you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why? Most guys would be thankful for my advice.” I really hated his cocky attitude and I seriously doubted that he was actually trying to help.

“Why are you even talking to me Alex, aren’t you scared that your friends might see us together?” I half turned and tried to walk away but he reached out and grabbed my bare arm in a firm grip, forcing me to face him again.

“No shithead, I’m not. I talk to whoever I want, get it…what is your problem anyway?” I knew that he was starting to lose his temper with me and that I was probably pushing my luck a little, but there was something that I really needed to say.

“FUCK OFF ALEX! I don’t need your help okay.” That did it alright and the next thing I knew he grabbed my other arm and slammed me hard up against the lockers in the corridor.

“DON’T TELL ME TO FUCK OFF?” he shouted into my face, as I tried to worm free and push him away. We scuffled and I managed to free up my arm enough to take a wild swing at him and land a punch on his shoulder. It was a mistake and he immediately retaliated as his fist hit me square on the jaw and I hit the locker behind me with the back of my head. I grabbed at his t-shirt and we both fell to the ground, with him on top of me. If we had wanted to create a scene, then we couldn’t have picked a better location. We were in the main corridor leading to the cafeteria at lunchtime and it guaranteed us an audience, as everyone stopped to watch. It also got the attention of Mr Smith, who had followed us out of the classroom and was quick to respond by dragging an angry looking Alex off of me before he could do any more damage. That at least was a relief, but I knew that it was far from over as I slowly picked myself up from the floor holding my jaw.

“BAKER!” yelled Mr Smith, “get back in the classroom!” Alex rolled his eyes as he straightened himself out and turned to face the teacher.

“Sir,” he protested, but he really didn’t have much of an argument.

“NOW!” Smith was a forbearing figure when ruffled and Alex wisely walked past him and back into the empty classroom. I stood up next to the lockers trying to avoid any eye contact with the crowd that had gathered and continued rubbing the side of my face where he had hit me. It didn’t hurt that much; it was a soft punch and I did it more to prove a point to Mr Smith than out of any real discomfort. However, he didn’t buy into my attempt to play the victim. “You too Fullerton,” he said, pointing towards the door. I sighed before following Alex back into the chemistry lab, where we stood facing each other in front of the blackboard. I met his eyes and he sneered back at me as Mr Smith slammed the door shut on the rubberneckers in the corridor.

“What’s all this about Fullerton?” said Mr Smith. It confirmed what I had suspected for some time; he didn’t like me. He was one of the teachers who had failed me on my original assessment on day one and would have happily sent me back a year, but for the intervention and determination of Mrs Whitcomb and the principle.

“I didn’t do anything,” I said, “he attacked me.” I could see Alex staring at me, his cheeky grin now it seemed, permanently replaced with tight lipped anger.

“You hit me first, shithead,” he said, almost spitting out the words towards me.

The teacher glared at Alex and I was expecting him to have to answer the same question, but the teacher seemed to ignore the fact that Alex was so clearly the aggressor and instead chose to punish us both.

“Well whatever the problem is between you too, you can both think about it here for an hour after school tomorrow.”

‘Great, detention on Wednesday, my early day, I live in this bloody school’.

It meant that I would miss the school bus home and be forced to catch the regular bus again. I would also miss the chance to talk to Fran alone, after school, as I had planned. I shuffled my feet and kept my gaze down and away from Alex as we both mumbled a reluctant acceptance of our punishment. Mr Smith opened the door and ushered Alex through it, but he lowered his arm in front of me like a car park barrier to prevent me from following him out into the corridor. I came to an abrupt halt as my chest hit his outstretched arm, but was grateful for the opportunity to get some clear air between Alex and me. I was certain that he would now want to blame me for his detention and the backward glance that he gave me as he walked away, told me that this wasn’t over yet.

I was forced to stay behind while Mr Smith lectured me about disrupting his class and not taking the subject as seriously as he thought I should. He was probably right with his last point; with all the mess going on in my private life, it had become increasingly difficult for me to concentrate on any subject at school. Chemistry wasn’t high up my list of interests and any academic gains that I had made after teaming up with Fran, were fast being lost.

Thankfully, I managed to avoid Alex for the remainder of the day and Fran was able to do the same thing with me. Thanks to Mr Smith, by the time I arrived in the cafeteria for lunch, she had already left with Laura. Although I desperately wanted to talk to her and explain, I was actually quite relieved when Rory told me that they had gone outside and I decided that it was probably a good thing. It would give her a chance to think things through and cool down a little.

At lunch, I found myself the centre of attention once again, as news quickly spread about my half-hearted fight with Alex.

“It wasn’t a real fight,” I protested as I sat down to eat my lunch with a concerned looking Rory and David. “Just a little scuffle, I’m okay, really.”

“What’s wrong with you dude,” said David, “are you crazy? That guy’s bad news, you should stay away from him.”

“Is he bullying you or something?” asked Rory. I appreciated his concern and the look on his cute face showed that he was genuinely worried about me.

“No, it’s nothing like that, we just had a disagreement, that’s all.”

“He punched you man,” said David, “I saw it.” I wasn’t aware of David’s presence in the corridor at the time, but I knew that there had been a lot of witnesses and it was only a matter of time before Nicola found out. When that happened, the news would certainly get back to Don and Sue and I would have to explain to them why I was fighting in school with the guy who I had previously labelled a friend.

I could hardly tell anyone the real reason why I was so annoyed with Alex and even I didn’t really understand the conflicting emotions that I felt towards him. However, despite the obvious concern for my wellbeing from my real friends, I wasn’t actually scared of Alex at all. I knew that I had riled him for sure, but I also knew that he would treat me a lot different from anyone else that tried to pull a stunt like that.

“Are you sure you’re okay,” said Rory.

“I’m fine alright, just leave it,” I said as I began scanning the cafeteria for any sign of the boy that had quickly become the centre of my world. I couldn’t see him and my heart sank a little. After our talk on the phone the previous evening, I had been looking forward to seeing him all morning. Such was my infatuation with this kid, that even if we didn’t talk, it would have been enough to have just seen him in the flesh again. I was fast becoming addicted to the boy and the thought that I may have missed another chance to look into his gorgeous blue eyes, was making my stomach churn. I wanted to ask Rory or David if either of them had seen Nathan and I very nearly did, before I came to my senses and thought better of it. They knew him, or rather they knew of him, but so did most of the school and I doubt if they would have understood my sudden interest in the whereabouts of this well-known gay boy.

I noticed Daniel sitting near at the back of the room near the stage with his pals and I remembered something that I wanted to ask Rory.

“Would it be okay if Daniel came with us on Saturday. I mean he’ll pay for his own ticket…I just thought.”

“Sure,” said Rory, “my dad won’t mind. I didn’t even think, he’s your brother right?”

“Adopted brother,” I corrected him, “or at least he will be one day, I think. He likes the Blue Jays and I don’t wanna leave him out.”

“I wouldn’t invite my brother anywhere,” said David, “we fight all the time, I hate him.”

“We’re quite close,” I said, “maybe because I don’t know him that well.” That statement got me a few puzzled looks, but it made sense to me and got me thinking. Maybe Daniel and I wouldn’t always be so close, but at the time we were good friends and had hit it off quite well, after being forced to share a room and much of our lives. Considering that neither of us had had much of a choice, the arrangement had so far worked out quite well. Well enough for me not to want to see him miss out on the opportunity to go to a major league baseball game. Daniel had been willing to share his friends with me, so I thought that it was only right for me to reciprocate.

It was his best friend, of course that I was most interested in sharing, but in a completely different way and I had no idea how that was going to work, or if it would even work at all. I did know however, that no matter how uncertain I was about how things would unfold, it wasn’t going to stop me from trying my very best to make it happen. No matter what; I was convinced that this was my destiny and I wanted him more than I had wanted anything else in the world.

I had no idea why my boy beauty wasn’t in the cafeteria that day, but I did see him that afternoon in the corridor, albeit very briefly as we passed each other going in opposite directions. I think he saw me first because he was already smiling at me when I noticed his small frame approaching. He looked so radiant, as if someone was pointing a flashlight at his face. He was gleaming and bubbly as usual, keeping his bright blue eyes fixed on me as he walked past, his hand gently brushing against mine for a second. It was the slightest of touches, unseen and unnoticed by anyone except us, but a very deliberate action and coordinated to perfection.

“Hi Robbie,” he said almost seductively at the same time and he left his mouth open briefly after the words had left, before it formed the most gorgeous, enticing smile that I think I had ever seen. I struggled to voice some kind of reply, but fell silent in the presence of such overwhelming beauty aimed directly at me. I went weak at the knees, nearly dropped my books and ended up walking into some girl while twisting my neck to look back at him. The look that Nathan had given me, stayed in my head for the rest of the day and that night I was able to put it to good use in the privacy of my bed, once I was sure that Daniel was fast asleep.

Earlier I had made his day by asking him if he wanted to go with Rory and me to see the game on Saturday. He was as excited as I think I had ever seen him and it felt good to be able to pay him back for some of the kindness that he had showed me over the past few months. He had put up with my moods and I had invaded his space, which I always felt bad about, so it was nice to be able to do something for him. Besides, I enjoyed Daniel’s company enough to want him to be there anyway.

* * * * *

On Wednesday Fran made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want to talk to me. In two of the classes that we shared, she swapped seats to make sure that she was on the opposite side of the classroom to me and at lunch she was nowhere to be seen. I guessed that she was probably eating out somewhere with Laura. I was relieved that I didn’t have to deal with the situation at the time, but I knew in the back of my mind, that eventually she would demand an explanation and that was worrying. I had no idea how I was going to play it, or how she was going to react if I told her the truth.

‘Do I even need to tell her the truth, she didn’t believe me when I first mentioned it anyway? I’ll just tell her I met someone else or I wanna be alone. I doubt if she’ll believe me though’.

After our final class, I watched her walk briskly away from me before making my way upstairs to the science labs for my hour detention with Mr Smith. Alex was already sitting there when I arrived and Mr Smith immediately motioned to me to sit down on the other side of the room. I was glad for the space between us, but I knew that once the hour was up, I would have Alex at my throat again. It was supposed to be a punishment but the time passed too quickly for my liking and as he threw us out of the classroom, I was certain that Mr Smith got some pleasure out of releasing me into the clutches of the boy who had perhaps the toughest reputation in grade ten. Perhaps he thought that Alex was going to finish the job outside of the school and outside of his jurisdiction, but that was never going to happen. I would have loved old Smithy to have somehow found out the real reason behind our little altercation, just to see the look of shock on his smarmy face.

As we strolled out of the main entrance, I wasn’t expecting any physical confrontation with Alex, but I was sure that he would have something to say about the way that I had talked to him the day before. I certainly wasn’t prepared for an apology.

“Hey, I’m sorry that I’ve been ignoring you man,” he said.

“You’re what?”

“I said I’m sorry okay.”

“No you’re not.”

“No really I am, I like you Robbie.” He pulled at my sleeve and we both stopped as I turned to face him in the car park.

“You only like me when we’re alone and even then you’re always hurting me.” I tried to walk away from him but he pulled me back.

“When have I ever hurt you man?” he said.

“Duh…yesterday, remember,” I scowled at him.

“Well I’m sorry about that too, but you did hit me first and I meant before that.”

“Oh, before you punched me in the face, you mean. Where do you want me to start Alex, how about outside the front of your house in the rain, or in your basement but the worst of all was….” I had his attention but I just shook my head, unwilling to go into the details of something that I desperately wanted to forget about.

“What?” he asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” I said, “I don’t wanna fight you anymore okay.” I tried to walk away again.

“Robbie man wait!” He grabbed my arm harder this time and spun me around. “We’re not fighting okay and if I’ve ever hurt you I’m sorry, it was in self-defence, you always hit me first.”

“You hurt me in other ways Alex,” I said and looked him in the eyes. “But I don’t wanna discuss it and I’m pretty sure you don’t either.”

“When, how?”

“When you…you know.”

“No I don’t,” he protested.

“Do I have to spell it out for you, you know what you did.” There was a brief silence as he figured it out, although I was certain that he already knew what I was getting at.

“Oh!” He turned away as if suddenly embarrassed and then ran his fingers through his hair as he let out a heavy sigh and looked skywards for a response. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“I was drugged up, remember.”

He anxiously looked around to be sure that no one had heard me, but we were alone in the middle of the car park and school had finished an hour ago.

“Robbie, I’m really sorry if I hurt you man, I mean it. I never wanna hurt you, you have to believe me on that one.”

“Whatever. Like I said, I don’t wanna talk about it. As far as I’m concerned it never happened. It was a mistake.” I looked at him and waited for his response as he chewed on his bottom lip. He wasn’t my favourite person at the time but watching him then I had to admit to myself that he was still cute, in a kind of menacing way.

‘Maybe I am a freak’.

“I don’t think it was a mistake man,” he said after a while. “It was kinda cool and I thought you were having fun. You definitely acted like you were.”

“Why didn’t you talk to me before; you’ve been avoiding me since that night?”

“I didn’t know you wanted to talk, you could have come to me.” I guess that he had a point, I had been avoiding him as well.

“I was angry and hurt,” I said.

“Robbie, don’t get all emotional on me man, it was only a bit of fun. I’m sorry that I hurt you, but you know, I can make it up to you sometime.” He put his hand on the small of my back, but I quickly pushed him away.

“No!” I said, “it’s finished now. I admit it was fun at the time, but no more. Not ever okay? I’ve said what I had to say now and we don’t need to talk about it anymore.”

“Okay, okay I get it,” he said, stepping back and putting some space between us. “I suppose it’ll be cool if we can both just forget about it.”

‘I can’t believe he just tried that.’

I wanted to be angrier than I was, but I guessed that in the end, I was as much to blame as he was and as I was happy to admit to him, it was fun at the time. I think that I was a little surprised by his calmness and I wasn’t expecting him to be so nice about it, but I suppose he had more to lose than I did.

“We can still be friends though, right,” he said followed by a cheeky smile, it was always his saving grace.

I laughed at the comment and started to walk away from him again towards my bus stop, confident that this time he would allow me to do so.

“Sure Alex, maybe we can pretend to be friends, just to wind up Nicola.”

“Nicola, she’s your sister right?”

“Sort of.”

“I don’t know her, is she cute?”

“You’re asking the wrong bloke Alex, but go for it, as far as I’m concerned you can have her, I think she probably needs a good…well…you know…whatever.” He laughed as we walked our separate ways and I was relieved that our conversation was over. At least I got to tell him how I felt, which was something that I had bottled up since that fateful night at his house. Even though it was fun, I truly regretted the whole episode with Alex and I vowed to put it behind me and concentrate on the future and hopefully Nathan would play a big part in it.

‘When I get home, I’m gonna tear up and throw away those stupid notes that he put in my locker. Boy X ha, I really fell tor that one…but I guess it was fun’.

When I did get home, curtesy of a very late running Cobourg Transit bus, Sue called me into the kitchen, where Nicola sat on a stool watching me with a knowing smile on her face. I could tell what was coming.

“How come your late honey?” asked Sue. I hadn’t told her before and I wasn’t going to either.

“I had something I had to do in school,” I said and it wasn’t a lie.

“What was it,” she demanded turning away from the counter to face me. She looked a little concerned and walked over. “Is there anything that you need to tell me?” I knew that the game was up, but I wasn’t sure how much she knew, so I played dumb while staring angrily towards Nicola.

‘The bitch knows and she’s grassed me up’.

“No, not really,” I said and I started to walk away towards the living room and the stairs to the basement.

“Robbie dear, I need to talk to you, don’t walk away.” Her voice was firm and it stopped me in my tracks. I rolled my eyes, sighed and turned to face her, dropping my backpack onto the floor. “I know that you had to stay behind today, for detention.”

“Well if you know, then why are you asking me?” I said angrily. “Can I go now I need to do some homework?”

“No Robbie. Why were you in detention?” she demanded.

“Why don’t you ask her?” I said pointing to Nicola.

“He got beat up by Alex Baker,” said Nicola with a smirk that I wanted to wipe off her face.

“He didn’t beat me up, it was only a scuffle, that’s all.”

“Robbie dear, I know what happened, the principal called me this morning. You’re not in trouble, he was just a little concerned about you that’s all.”

‘I knew it, that bastard Smith told Andrews’.

“I thought that Alex was your friend?” said Sue.

“He is, was, whatever, I don’t wanna talk about it okay, it was nothing, we made up.”

“Ah,” said Nicola sarcastically, “that’s so nice, you kissed and made up.”

“Shutup!” I turned on her angrily. I almost wanted to tell her the truth just to shock her and see her reaction. Not that she would have believed me, no one would have ever believed me.

“Nicola, Robbie, please!” said Sue. “So I take it that you’re not hurt.” She put her hand on my head and I looked to the floor to avoid any eye contact.

“No, I’m fine,” I insisted. “I’ll live; I’ve been in plenty of fights before.”

“Well that has to stop now Robbie, we don’t want you fighting. You don’t need to do that. If you have a problem with someone you should be able to work it out without fighting and if you can’t, then you should go to the teacher, they’ll understand.”

‘I doubt it’.

“Okay Sue, I’ll try.” I would have said anything at the time, just to be allowed to escape downstairs to the relative safety of my room and away from Nicola’s smug face.

* * * * *

Thursday afternoon couldn’t come quick enough and I had been feeling nervous all day at the prospect of seeing my crush again, face to face. I was sure that was what it was, a crush. I wasn’t in love, that would be silly, but I had a giant crush on this boy and it was getting worse every time that I saw him. It was the day that I had planned to tell him that I had ended my relationship with Fran and then ask him out on a date. It was he wanted and I knew now that it was definitely what I wanted, no matter what the consequences. I just knew that I needed to be with him; to be close to him in some way. In fact, the closer that I could get to him the better. If I could have, I would have climbed into his t-shirt and pants with him. The thought of that made me giggle and gave me a slight boner that I had to hide as I saw him waiting for me at our usual place.

“You’re early,” I said cheerfully.

“You’re late,” he said and he flashed me a reassuring smile that nearly knocked me off my feet. I stood a couple of feet away from him, stared into his big blue eyes and smiled back, unable at the time to think of anything other than how absolutely gorgeous he looked. He was wearing a light grey hoodie with an orange baseball cap and a pair of white headphones around his neck. He had removed them as I approached him and I could hear and recognise the song that he was listening to.

“Take That,” I said with a smile.

“What?”

“The song,” I said, “it’s Take That, isn’t it?” I pointed to his headphones.

“Oh yeah right,” he said, “I like them, I went to see them once in Toronto.”

“Oh that would have been cool.”

“It was, have you been to many concerts in London?”

“No,” I said, “not really, I didn’t get out a lot, what with my mom being ill and all.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot. That must have been tough,” he said and he offered me a sweet caring smile before lowering his eyes. It was so touching that I wanted to reach out and hug him.

“It’s okay,” I said, “honestly. I’m actually looking forward now to making up for lost time.”

‘This is perfect, now ask him out, think of something, don’t let this opportunity go’.

“Well that’s cool, but there’s not much to do in Cobourg,” he said, “not like in London.”

“Maybe, but you can have fun anywhere with the right company.”

‘Yes! That was perfect, what a line to come up with off the top of my head’.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true,” he said and he was blushing as he batted those dark eyelashes at me and showed me his cute dimples once again. Then he bit his bottom lip as he waited for me to say something. It was so sexy. I had kissed those soft moist lips of his and the memory of that day flooded my head. My mouth was dry and I swallowed hard, wondering if it would happen again. It would have to; I wouldn’t be able to live without it. Perhaps he was waiting for me to make my move and I knew that I needed to keep to my plan and ask him out. It was the perfect time; it was over with Fran and I had him alone for once. I just needed to ask him; I was certain that he would say yes. Instead, I froze struggling to keep an erection at bay and I had to move quickly before he noticed, plonking myself down on one of the hard plastic seats in the shelter. It was the same seat that he had sat on when I first saw him that day in January. I would never be able to forget it and I would never want to.

Once again I found myself lost in his beauty as he followed my lead and sat down beside me, turning his head so that his eyes met mine. My heart was pounding, I had butterflies in my stomach and I could feel beads of sweat running down my neck. He stared at me and giggled nervously.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Huh, oh yeah, of course…I’ve never felt better,” I said, clasping my sweaty hands in my lap.

“Really?” he said, “you look a little nervous.”

“It’s you, you make me nervous, I don’t know why.” I did but I wasn’t going to tell him and he seemed surprised.

“Really, you don’t have to be nervous around me. I like you, I told you that.” Then he looked behind me and his expression turned to one of disappointment. “Shit, it’s my bus. Sorry Robbie, but I can’t miss this one, I have to be home early today. My dad’s taking me out somewhere. We can talk on the phone later, if you want.”

“Sure,” I said, “it’s not a problem, call me when you can.”

“I will, I promise and don’t forget, you’re coming to my house on my birthday next week. I want you to be there okay, it’ll be cool.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there,” I said and I beamed the biggest smile that I could at him as he got up and stood by the kerbside.

‘Wild horses wouldn’t keep me away’.

His bright eyes met with mine again and stayed there until the doors of the bus opened, it was only a few seconds, but it seemed like hours and I wanted to jump up and grab him, hold him and kiss him. I didn’t want him to leave, in case some other boy got him and whisked him away from me, before I had a chance to cement our relationship. Maybe someone better looking than me or braver than me. I quickly dismissed such thoughts, I couldn’t even contemplate the agony I would feel if I were to mess this up now. It would be too much for me to bear. My eyes were still glued to him as he gave me another awesome smile and a cute little wave before putting his headphones back over his ears and boarding the bus. It was probably the briefest of all our encounters at the bus stop, but it didn’t matter, I relished every second that I spent in his company. I didn’t get around to asking him out, or even telling him about Fran, but I knew that there would be other opportunities, I kept telling myself that anyway.

‘I just need to stop being so nervous around him all the time. Does he have any idea what he’s doing to me? He told me again that he liked me but I wonder if I’m affecting him in the same way. Somehow I doubt it’.

I was up late that night waiting, but he didn’t call. I guess wherever he went with his dad, he didn’t get back until late, or he forgot to call. It kept me awake for a while as I turned my pillow sideways and hugged it tightly. I still missed sleeping with Tom, that was so cool. Those days were gone though and although I still missed him it was Nathan who I now wanted in my bed.

‘How cool would it be to sleep with him; to wrap myself around him and hold him close to me. I wonder how he sleeps, if he snores or has any funny habits. I would love to wake up with him, run my hands over his warm smooth skin and squeeze his perfect ass’.

I had never seen Nathan’s ass, but I was certain that it was perfect, just like every other part of him. As for his dick, well I knew that if I ever got the chance to see it, then I wouldn’t be disappointed in that either. I sighed, kissed my pillow and then lifted my head up to check on Daniel, before dropping my hand to my erection to complete my now nightly routine.

* * * * *

On Friday, I knew that my luck had run out when I saw Fran standing beside my locker first thing that morning. I smiled at her and attempted to cover over my morning bad mood with a cheerful hello, but she didn’t return my greeting.

“We need to talk,” she said and I agreed, I had suggested the same thing earlier in the week. “I want to know why Robbie.”

“What do you mean?”

“Why you’re doing this.”

“Doing what Fran?”

“Why you don’t like me anymore,” she turned her head to one side and it looked like she had tears in her eyes. My stomach went mushy and I wanted to reach out and hold her, but I resisted.

“Fran, you don’t understand, I do like you and I will always like you. Please don’t be upset.”

“Why, does it embarrass you, how do you think I feel?”

“No I’m not embarrassed; I care about you.”

“You don’t give a shit about me,” she hissed, “where are you going tomorrow then and with who?”

“I’m going to watch a baseball game…with Rory and Daniel,” I said, “his dad’s taking us.” She looked at me with disbelief and shook her head. I suppose she found it difficult to believe that I would turn down the opportunity to indulge in a weekend of rampant sex with a hot and very horny girl, in order to go to a ball game with a couple of friends. I had to admit that most other people would have considered me crazy as well.

“Who is she Robbie?”

“Bloody hell Fan, I’m not seeing anyone else, you have to believe me. I’m not cheating on you, I swear.”

“Are you gonna tell me that you’re gay again, is that it?”

“Fran, what the…?” She said that out loud on purpose and a few of the kids walking next to us definitely overheard. I looked around and smiled at them, before turning my attention back to her. “Please can you keep it down a little.”

“What’s the matter, don’t you want people to know?”

“No, I don’t,” I said, “only you.”

“Oh, only me, how convenient.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I know that you’re seeing somebody,” she insisted, “and I’ll find out who it is.”

“Look we need to talk, but not here in the middle of the bloody school.”

“Okay, where?”

“After school,” I said, “I don’t mind missing the bus, I’ve done it all week.”

“Yeah, I heard you had detention for fighting with Alex Baker, but I can’t do tonight,” she said.

‘Shit does the whole world know about that’?

“How about on Sunday then, during the day, maybe we can go to the park or something and talk properly? Then I can explain everything.” The halls were clearing quickly and if we didn’t move quickly then we were both going to be late for homeroom.

“Okay, we can meet up on Sunday Robbie, but I need to know one thing first and I want you to be honest with me.”

“What is it?” I asked hesitantly.

“I need to know if it’s over between us.” I could see her eyes tearing up and it broke my heart seeing her like that, it made me feel like the biggest pile of shit that ever walked the planet and maybe I was for allowing this to happen in the first place. I reached out to her and tried to pull her into a hug as tears streamed down her face, but she pushed me away, sniffed and stared me in the face.

“Yes Fran.” It was the most difficult words that I could ever remember having to speak and it tore me apart inside when I did it. She kept her eyes on mine for a few seconds afterwards, before turning away and walking down the now empty corridor. She was heading away from the classroom and I followed her as she went into the girl’s washroom. I stood outside for a few minutes and even thought about going in there, but there would have been little that I could have done to make it any better.

‘Shit, I hate myself, why can’t I ever get it right’?

We were both late that morning and Fran didn’t reappear until halfway through our first lesson. When she did, she wouldn’t look at me and she kept this up for the rest of the day, surrounding herself with her friends at lunchtime and in the hallways. That made me feel a little better but not much and it took a much awaited call from Nathan late that night to finally cheer me up. I told him that I was going to the baseball the next day with Rory and then felt bad for not inviting him and thought it best that I didn’t mention that Daniel was going too. Then I finally managed to explain what had happened with Fran and I told him that I was going to meet up with her on Sunday.

“I feel really shitty for hurting her, you know,” I said and there was a long silence.

“Well these things are never easy, but I guess you did the right thing,” he said. “I mean, if it wasn’t going to work between you two, then…”

“It really wouldn’t have worked, I know that now,” I said, interrupting him. “I just wish that I could have stopped it earlier, or not got involved at all.”

“Hey, we all make mistakes dude, she’ll get over it. In the end, you have to do what’s right for you, or you’ll never be happy.” I fell silent for a while thinking about what he just said and stretched out on my bed. I could hear the television blaring out from the family room where Daniel was watching an action movie. I knew that I couldn’t be overheard, but it was close to the end and we had to be up early. He would be in soon to go to bed. “Are you still there?”

“Yeah, sorry I was just thinking.”

“That doesn’t work too well over the phone, you know,” he said giggling.

“I suppose.” I rolled over to face the window and sighed into the phone. “Nathan.”

“Yeah.”

“I…I wish you were here,” I said hesitantly.

“What at your house?”

“Yeah…I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“That sounded weird.”

“No it’s okay. I think I get it.”

“You do?”

“I think.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah.” There was another long silence. “Is there anything else?” he asked.

“No…well actually yes there is,” I said, “I think you’re beautiful.”

“Really, so do I,” he said and laughed.

“It’s not funny,” I said and cursed under my breath as the door opened and Daniel walked in. “I need to get some sleep now, I’ll call you tomorrow when I get back from the game, okay.”

“Yeah I get it,” he said, “say goodnight to Daniel for me.”

“Not so bloody likely.”

“Ha well, have a nice time watching them play with their balls tomorrow.”

“I will.”

“Oh and one more thing,” he said.

“What?”

“I think that you’re beautiful too, you know that.” Then he hung up.