The Cockney Canuck - 46. Chapter 46 The Day After Day

I was woken up on Saturday by somebody shouting in my ear.

“IT’S TIME TO GET UP ROBBIE!”

It was Nicola and she laughed as I jumped from my dream and lifted my head from the pillow, startled and groggy. I groaned at her and dropped back down pulling the duvet back over my face. In the universal body language of all teenagers, this could be translated into ‘fuck off and let me sleep’ and most people would have understood this and backed off, but not her.

“Are you gonna stay in bed all day?”

“Yes,” I replied, from under the covers, “so fuck off.”

“I’m gonna tell mom that you swore.”

“I don’t give a shit, now piss off and let me sleep.”

“That’s three bucks; you’ll need to put in the jar, dummy.”

It wasn’t working and I knew that she wouldn’t dare try to drag the duvet off me, after I had confronted her the last time she pulled that stunt.

“Mom wants to know if you want any lunch,” she said.

“Lunch?” I repeated, “what time is it?”

“Eleven.”

“Oh shit,” I mumbled, but I still made no effort to prise myself from the comfort of my warm bed. It didn’t matter what time it was, I was still tired and needed more sleep. I felt her sit down and lean over me, so I covered my ears and braced myself for another onslaught.

“GET UP ROBBIE!”

I groaned and pulled my feet up to try to kick her off the bed from underneath the duvet. “Get off!”

“Why are you so tired, what were you doing last night?” she asked.

‘What was I doing last night…Oh my God, last night! Nathan, the cinema, our date, the beach, wow’!

Suddenly, I was wide-awake and excited, tingling from head to toe, as I replayed the events of the previous evening. It had been, without doubt, the best night of my young life. I had been living my dream and what a great feeling it was, to wake up and realise that for once, it was actually true. In fact, despite Nicola hovering over me, I couldn’t remember ever feeling this happy before, especially as it was still technically the morning…just!

She got up and I could hear her pulling up the blinds, to let some sunlight into the room, but she needn’t have bothered. There was no way I was going to be able to get back to sleep again now. Instead, I wanted to lie there, under the covers for a while longer and bask in the glory. I remembered how Nathan and I had kissed in the cinema and then again at the beach. I smiled to myself, licking my lips and hoping to be able to still get a taste of him.

I could recall everything that we did, everything that we said and even what I was thinking at the time. I also remembered coming home, going to bed very horny and then soiling my sheets.

‘Shit I didn’t clean up afterwards I must have fallen asleep’.

I convinced myself that whatever juices I had spilled the night before, would have dried by that time, but I was also certain that Nicola had been around the block enough times to recognize cum stains when she saw them and that was the last thing I needed. I curled up in a ball with my back to her, hoping that she would get the hint and go away, but it didn’t look as if that was going to happen anytime soon.

There was more to this than her just wanting to be annoying, if that had been her only motive, then she would have had her fun and moved on to something else by now. She was digging for information and wanted to know where I had gone last night and why I was so tired, she was wasting her time, because there was no way that I was ever going to reveal that.

I finally sat up sporting what must have been a ridiculous and sloppy looking grin.

“At last,” she said, claiming yet another stupid victory in one of our many battles. “You must have got laid last night, I’ve never seen you wake up with a smile on your face before.”

She was absolutely right about the smile, but I hadn’t got laid of course. What had happened the night before, was far more intoxicating and exhilarating than any sexual encounter that I had experienced so far in my relatively short life.

“It’s none of your business, but you’re wrong anyway,” I said and laughed. She could think, or say whatever she wanted, it didn’t matter anymore. The only person who mattered to me now, was Nathan. My boyfriend. Who, as far as I was concerned, was the hottest and most wonderful boy on the entire planet.

It was still hard for me to believe that after months of drooling over him, endless missed opportunities, embarrassing situations and ridiculous mind games, we were now actually officially dating. From now on, I was no longer on my own. We were a couple and he was my other half, without whom I would no longer be complete. Despite all the sex and intimacy, this was a feeling that I had never had with Fran, or was ever likely to get and I was beginning to realize that now, more than ever.

The very thought of trying to force myself into a role that I was clearly not born to fill, now seemed to be almost as comical as it was ridiculous. Having to surrender a potential lifetime of happiness, would have been too high a price to pay or ask of anyone, in return for the basic love and respect from family that should have always been there, no matter what. This was going to be something that I was sure I would have to have to go through at some point within the next few weeks, months or however long it took to be discovered. Suddenly however, it didn’t seem to be anywhere near as daunting a prospect, as it had been in the past and the thought of coming out to them on my own terms was beginning to gather momentum. Whatever my decision, I knew that it was something that I would no longer have to face on my own and that was the bit that warmed me the most.

My whole body was still tingling from the excitement and aftermath of the night before and in anticipation of what lay ahead. It was a secret that my face was already struggling to keep under wraps, no doubt bamboozling Nicola and spoiling her Saturday morning fun. She could handle my bad temper and foul remarks, in fact I was sure that she actually enjoyed our highly charged confrontations, but this presented a fresh challenge. It must have been a new and unsettling experience for her to see me so happy and content all of a sudden, even in the face of such obvious provocation.

“Okay you win, I’m up,” I said, “can you go out now, so I can get dressed?”

“Yes,” she said, “oh I forgot, there’s somebody upstairs who wants to see you, shall I send him down?”

“Who?” I was confused, I hadn't been expecting any visitors.

“Nathan,” she said with a smirk on her face.

It took about a second for this to register in my brain, before the duvet flew off me and I leapt out of bed onto the hardwood floor.

‘Nathan’!

I wasn’t even concerned by the fact that she was still standing in the doorway and I was only wearing a pair of briefs. It was only Nicola and she didn’t matter anymore. Nathan however was different; I didn’t want him to see me still in bed or even worse in my undercrackers. Nicola hadn't been prepared for my impromptu display of flesh, and found it highly amusing, as she stood watching me, but I ignored her and quickly rummaged through my drawers, looking for something to wear.

“What does he want?” I asked as I grabbed the first t-shirt that I could lay my hands on, and pulled it over my head.

“Ha, are you scared he might see you in your underwear?” she said.

“Yes.”

“This is so funny; I didn’t realize you were homophobic.”

“I’m not,” I said as I reached for a clean pair of boxer briefs and turned to stare at her. “Do you mind?”

“He told me that he bumped into you last night at the mall,” she said, “you’d better be careful, people will start talking.” She winked at me before walking away, leaving the bedroom door wide open. “I’ll tell him to come down.”

“Whatever,” I said and as I heard her walking away, I quickly dropped my briefs to the floor and stepped into the clean pair, pulling them up to my waist just in time to prevent Nathan from getting a sneak preview.

‘Why is he here anyway? And why did she wait so long to tell me. He didn’t mention anything last night about coming over today’.

Not that I didn’t want to see him so soon. I was excited that he had turned up, even though it was only a little over twelve hours since I had kissed him goodnight. There was a gentle knock on the doorframe and I looked up, to see his now familiar smiling face.

“Hey Nathan,” I said, combing my hair with my fingers and trying not to look as awkward and flustered as I felt. “Long time no see mate.”

“Yeah I know,” he said, checking around him to make sure that Nicola wasn’t lingering. “I hope you don’t think I’m stalking you.”

“Are you?”

“Of course I am,” he replied.

“That’s cool, I’ve never been stalked before. Come in and shut the door and you can stalk me in private,” I said, and when he did, I was able to get a quick look at myself in the mirror. “Shit I look like fuck; I mean fuck I look like shit. Oh whatever, you're not supposed to see me like this.”

“Relax dude you look gorgeous,” he said.

“No I don’t,” I replied, nervously returning his warm smile. I could see him looking me up and down. “I’ve only just got out of bed.”

“I know,” he said, “did Nicola have to wake you up?”

“Yes.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s…it’s okay,” I said, “I don’t mind…honestly, but I was having such a lovely dream, about a really cute guy, and it was just getting to the interesting part.”

“Oh sorry dude,” he said, “I didn’t mean to mess up your dream. So who was the cute guy?”

“You,” I replied, “and we were just about to make love, when Nicola ruined it.”

“Wow, were you really dreaming about me? So what are you saying, that I interrupted myself?”

I nodded. “Yep, we were just about to have sex.”

“No way man, it’s no wonder I’m still a virgin,” he said.

“You only have yourself to blame, better luck next time.”

“Shit dude, if you want, I can go and sit outside for a few minutes while you go back to sleep and finish your dream. Then you can let me know what I’m like in bed.”

“I like your logic Nathan, but if I’m gonna have sex with you, you might as well be here with me. And what makes you think that we would be finished in a few minutes, we might be at it for hours?” I noticed him blushing.

“Well I hope that I don’t disappoint you,” he said.

“Nathan, you are totally and completely hat-stand,” I said, “but you could never disappoint me.”

“Cool,” he said, “I think of you in the same way. We both laughed although I wasn’t entirely sure that he understood what I meant by hat-stand.

I was still standing there in only my t-shirt and boxers and feeling a little uncomfortable. “I’d better put some clothes on,” I said.

“No don’t,” he said, “you’re already overdressed for my liking. Besides, you look cute in your underwear.”

I screwed up my face and looked again at my reflection in the mirror on the back of the door. “You need to get your eyes tested, I don’t think I look very cute.”

“Well you do,” he said, “so you're just going to have to learn to live with it. I know it’s not easy being so good-looking all the time; God knows how I’ve managed it.” He was striking a ridiculously over-the-top pose in the mirror, which made me laugh. “But if you want my advice, lose the t-shirt and boxers.”

“But they’re the only things that I’m wearing,” I said, but he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Do you usually sleep this late?” he asked, “I mean, it’s nearly midday.” He had a little laugh, but he looked every bit as nervous as I was, which I thought was really cute.

“Not normally; I guess I had a little trouble dozing off last night.”

“Oh, me too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“It was fun last night,” I said.

“Yeah.”

“So you err…had a good time?”

“It was awesome,” he said, “you were great.” I started blushing again and he must have noticed because he was giggling at me.

“Really?” I said.

“Yes, of course.”

“But I didn’t do anything.”

“Yes you did,” he said, “you fell over in the food court, nearly got into a fight at the cinema and almost got us arrested in the park.” I very nearly said sorry, stopping myself just in time. “I had a great time. It was; you know, kinda awesome.”

‘Awesome; does he really mean that’?

“I’m not always that clumsy or stupid,” I said, “I was just a little nervous.”

“I know,” he said, “and it’s cool, really it is. I thought you were really great.”

“So do I,” I said eagerly, “I mean, I thought that you were really great and stuff. And it was fun, especially…you know the bit…the bit in the cinema and at the beach.”

“Yeah,” he said bashfully, but meeting my eyes, “I liked that too.”

“You did, cool?”

“Yes,” he said, “a lot. I mean, I have nothing to compare it with, but it was everything I ever imagined.”

“It was better than that,” I said, “better than anything I’ve done like that before.” I knew that I wasn’t making much sense, but nothing was at the time and I was struggling to find the right words to explain how I felt. I looked down at my feet to escape his searching eyes, but when I lifted my head he had closed the gap between us and was near enough to lean forward and kiss me. His hands had moved onto my hips and my arms automatically slid around his back, pulling him tight against me, as I massaged his tender skin through a thin t-shirt. I tilted my head and kissed him back before pulling away for air.

“Sorry,” he said, “I couldn’t help it.”

“Don’t be, I don’t mind,” I said, “it’s just a little early. I mean, I’ve just got up and I wanted to brush my teeth before kissing you.”

“That’s okay dude, you taste nice,” he said and he licked his lips slowly and provocatively as if to prove his point.

I backed away as my dick began to twitched in my shorts, anxious it seemed, for a piece of the action. I felt a little exposed and when I noticed Nathan’s eyes take a quick sweep of my lower regions, I decided to finish dressing and avoid a potentially awkward situation. I walked over to my wardrobe to grab an old pair of sweatpants; stepping into them and pulling them over my fast developing bulge. Nathan watched silently with undisguised interest and when I had finished, I looked towards him and poked my tongue out.

“Sorry, I don’t mean to stare.”

“Yes you do.”

“I know, but I can’t help it; you have nice legs.”

“You think so?” I said and he nodded. I had never really paid that much attention to my legs before, but years of swimming, had left me with solid thighs for my age and good strong calf muscles.

“Maybe we should keep the door open too,” he said, “Nicola’s on the prowl out there and I already had to answer like a million questions before she would let me in.”

“Don’t worry, she’s the same with me and I live here,” I said, but I could see his point and I opened the door and quickly scanned the basement, which was empty.

“I told her that I saw you in the mall last night,” he said.

“Yeah, she told me. Good thinking; her friend’s bound to say that she saw us.”

“It might buy you some more time.”

“Not if you keep coming around like this,” I said, “I don’t mean it to sound like, you know…I’m actually really pleased you did.”

“I know what you mean dude, I just wanted to stop by and bring you these.” He tossed me a small plastic bag. Inside were three DVD’s, ‘Monty Python and the Holly Grail’, ‘The Life of Brian’ and ‘The meaning of Life’. He must have seen my face light up as I took them out of the bag and he smiled at my reaction.

“You said that you had to leave all your DVD’s in England and you liked Monty Python so I thought that you might want to have these to watch, if you get time that is. You can keep them for as long as you want. I mean, I’ve seen them about a thousand times already.” I stared up at him and returned his smile with interest.

‘Could anybody be any more considerate or cute than this boy’?

“Thanks Nathan. I really do appreciate it. That’s really nice of you; I don’t know what to say.” He went to sit down on the chair, but before he could, I patted the unmade bed next to where I was sitting.

His eyes widened at my suggestion and he seemed to be a little hesitant. “It’s okay I’m not going to try and get you into bed,” I said.

“I’ve already been in it,” he said, “nude!”

“NO FUCKING WAY!” I said, a little too loudly.

He shushed me. “Well maybe not quite nude, but almost,” he said.

“That’s good, because my next question was going to be, what was you doing sleeping in Daniel’s room in he nude?”

“That would be for me to know and for you to find out,” he said playfully. I didn’t like that answer, but I was enjoying flirting with him as usual and I’m sure that he was too.

“Where is Daniel anyway?” I asked.

“He’s at Doug’s house; he told me yesterday that he’d be there all day, helping to build something.”

“You had it all planned out.”

“Yes and actually I have a confession to make.”

“Oh and what’s that?”

“Well I was kind of looking for an excuse to come over here to see you today, so those films are really just a means to an end,” he said.

“It was still a nice thought, but you know something. I think I actually like the real reason even better.” It was true and I thought that it was really cool that this boy, who would have any gay teenager in the world drooling over him, wanted to come over and see me. Even though we had spent all the previous evening in each other’s company, it still evidently wasn’t enough to satisfy him. This thought alone made me almost dizzy with joy and I wondered if there could ever be a better feeling.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back,” I said and dashed to the bathroom to empty my bladder. I returned feeling a lot more comfortable and with a freshly cleaned and minted mouth.

“So, did you have trouble getting to sleep last night or something?” he asked as I walked back in to find him sitting at my desk.

“Definitely,” I said, with a bashful smile on my face as I recalled my nocturnal activity from the night before. I switched on the computer for him, hoping that it would grab his attention long enough for me to quickly check over my bed for any noticeable stains on the dark brown sheet and duvet.

“Was you thinking of me?” he asked playfully.

‘You can say that again’.

“I suppose.”

“Oh,” he said, “that’s cool, I suppose I was thinking of you too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…of course.”

“In what kind of way?” I asked.

“The usual kind of way,” he said with a bright red face that could have easily matched my own. “You know…with a happy ending.” It was fortunate for me that I had already plonked myself down on the bed at that point because I definitely needed a seat after hearing that.

‘No way! He did the same…and thinking of me’.

I stared at him as he moved uncomfortably in his seat and began fiddling with his wristbands. “You mean you…?” I asked wide eyed.

“Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you things like this,” he said, looking towards the computer screen.

“No,” I said, “I mean go ahead, it’s fine really. I’m actually quite honoured, it’s so cool. I don’t think that anyone’s ever done anything like that because of me before.”

“Yeah right,” he said, “you’re a cute boy, I bet you’ve had your fair share of admirers in that kind of way.” I knew that I wasn’t ugly, but it had never even crossed my mind that another boy may actually find me attractive or sexy enough to use as jerking off material, not with so many much hotter guys walking about or on TV. I personally had a list as long as your arm of fantasy lovers that I had used at various times to get the job done and not all of them obvious choices. Therefore, I suppose it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that there were boys out there, who had at some stage, pictured my face while beating themselves silly. A few candidates sprang to mind.

‘Nathan, obviously, Tom, probably at some stage after I left, Rory, maybe, Alex, I wouldn’t put it past him’.

“Maybe you’re just the first person to admit to it,” I said, “but as we’re being so open about these things now, then I suppose I’m just as guilty, because I did the same last night.”

“A hot bath, you mean?” He laughed as I shifted uneasily.

“Yeah only in my bed,” I said, certain that the evidence was still clinging to the bedsheets underneath me.

“Really, with Daniel in the room?”

“He was asleep and I was quiet.” We were both red faced and giggled as we exchanged quick embarrassed glances at each other, although neither of us could look the other in the eye for more than a second or two. We didn’t push it any further, but my mind kept trying to picture him naked in full flow and those thoughts weren’t doing me any favours. It was a priceless moment, shared between two people who were still learning the boundaries of a relationship that was moving faster than either could have imagined.

‘We’ve only been on one date and we’ve already admitted to jerking off afterwards while thinking of each other. That’s the nearest thing to sex, right’?

I felt the need to change the topic of conversation, if only to prevent myself from jumping on top of him right then and there in full view of Sue, Nicola and probably Amy who I was sure had to be around somewhere.

“Did you ask your parents if I could come over in the week?”

“Not yet,” he said, “but I’ll try this afternoon.”

“You’re not going yet are you?”

“I’m only supposed to be dropping off some videos dude; that’s what I told them. It looks kind of suspicious, don’t you think?” He stood up and I could feel my heart sinking already at the prospect of him leaving.

“I don’t want you to go,” I said with a sulky tone and a sad expression that seemed to make him melt a little. “I like being with you and besides, you’ve only just got here.”

He walked over and cupped his hand on my hot cheek. “You’re such a sweet boy,” he said, “I’m so lucky, but you know I can’t stay here with you.”

I looked up at him and mirrored his own broad smile, buoyed by the thought that this wonderful boy considered himself lucky to have me as his boyfriend. “Can we meet up someplace later today then, somewhere private?” I stood up to grab a pair of socks from my drawer and sat down on the chair to pull them on, as he watched me, biting his bottom lip and looking deep in thought.

“I dunno, I’ll try and think of something, Look, I’ll text you later okay?”

“Don’t forget,” I said as I stood up to face him. He took a quick look around, as I closed my eyes and puckered up, waiting for his soft kiss. Only it wasn’t so soft as he pressed his lips into mine, followed quickly by his tongue, as it forced its way in, sweeping my mouth. He pulled me towards him, before backing off out of breath and smiling.

“I’ll be thinking of you again tonight,” he teased as I laughed and followed him out into the family room.

Once upstairs, he was immediately assaulted by a surprised looking Amy, who obviously had no idea that he was there. After a friendly hug and some ear-piercing squeals from the little lady, Nathan managed to prise himself from her grasp and make it to the front door in one piece, with me not that far behind.

“Thanks for the videos,” I said, “I’ll let Daniel know you come over.”

“No problem dude,” he said, very formally. “Goodbye Mrs Taylor, Nicola…oh and you too sweetie.” I stood at the door with my mouth open in shock, for all of two seconds, before realizing that he was talking to Amy.

When I walked into the kitchen to face the music, Nicola unsurprisingly was the first to react. “You two make such a nice couple,” she said, very predictably.

“Very funny,” I said.

“Nicola, please don’t start,” said Sue and I was grateful for the back-up.

“I’m only joking,” said Nicola, “I think Nathan’s got better taste than that.” Amy stood between us, looking slightly confused, but the intended insult didn’t bother me at all. Nicola was still way off the mark and it made me smile.

“That was nice of Nathan to lend you those movies honey,” said Sue, “what are they?”

‘Gay porno’s’.

“Monty Python,” I said, “I saw him last night at the pictures and we were talking movies. I told him that I had to leave all my DVD’s in England. He has the collection, so he brought me some over; I didn’t even ask him, it was really nice of him to do that, don’t you think?”

“Yes dear,” said Sue, “Nathan’s a lovely boy; he has a good heart.”

“Yeah he’s really cool,” I said and I could see Nicola staring at me as she leaned against the counter. “What? I’m allowed to be his friend too; it doesn’t bother me that he’s….” I turned towards Amy who was sitting next to me at the breakfast bar.

“It’s okay Robbie,” she said, “I know that Nathan’s gay.” I covered my mouth in an over-the-top show of surprise, which made Nicola laugh, but Sue only frowned.

“Kids grow up quick these days,” I said.

“She probably knows more than you do?” said Nicola.

‘I don’t think so’.

“Maybe,” I said and forced a smile.

“So how’s Fran?” said Sue, setting off alarm bells in my head. It was a question that I was going to have to answer sooner or later, so I thought it best to get it over with as soon as possible, while I had three of the five present. I kept my head down and thought carefully about my reply.

“I may as well tell you now that Fran and me have split up,” I said.

“I knew it,” said Nicola.

“Oh honey, why?” said Sue.

“HOW did you know?” I said to Nicola, but my little outburst was intended mostly as a way of avoiding Sue’s more relevant question.

“It’s not hard dummy,” said Nicola, “you don’t sit together at lunch anymore and there have been rumours in school.”

“So who were you with last night?” asked Sue.

“A friend,” I said, “just a mate from school that’s all.”

“Do you mind telling us who?”

“Someone in my class?”

“Ha, which class,” asked Nicola, “is it a girl?”

“Does it matter? It’s just a friend.”

“It’s a girl mom, he dumped Fran?”

“You don’t know shit Nicola…oops.”

“You know the rules,” said Sue and she held out her hand. “Fran’s a nice girl, it’s such a shame, you two were good together.”

“It might have looked that way to you, but there are other things that you don’t know about,” I said. “It’s definitely not what any of you think, believe me. And I’m still gonna be friends with Fran…I didn’t dump her for someone else.”

‘Or did I, isn’t that exactly what I did’?

Sue continued to hold out her hand. “Okay,” I said, “my money’s downstairs, I’ll get it in a minute.”

I could see Nicola rolling her eyes at me and I was relieved to see her stroll away, although I knew that as far as she was concerned, it was far from over. She just needed a little more ammunition and she would have an endless supply at school, starting with her friend who worked in the mall. At least for the time being though, I was certain that she was barking up the wrong tree; just as Fran had been doing for so long and I was going to do my best to encourage that train of thought, to bide me as much time as possible. Time that I may or may not be able to spend with Nathan; depending on whether or not we could find someplace to go where we could be alone, or at least unnoticed. Just the two of us was always going to be my preference, but it was going to be difficult to arrange. I didn’t know of anywhere that we could go; Taylor house was rarely empty and when it was, there was always the chance that someone would walk in at any time.

I wasn’t planning on having wild sex with him; not straight away anyway, but there was absolutely no doubt at all that our relationship was moving in that direction, a lot quicker than even I had dared to imagine at first. Nathan had proved to be quite receptive to my subtle offers of sex, even though I had tried to disguise them all in jokes. His carefully worded responses had all been positive and encouraged me to believe that when the time came he would be a more than willing participant in any sexual relationship. In fact, it was he who had initiated most of the physical contact so far, like at the cinema and on the beach and again that very morning, after only a few hours apart.

So far it had only been kissing, but it was deep kissing, snogging even and I was sure that one kiss from Nathan was more highly-charged and erotic than a thousand make-out sessions with anybody else that I had tried it with, or namely Fran. He was certainly more addictive than anyone else and after being allowed a small taste of things to come, I could hardly wait for the main course to arrive and the opportunity to unwrap and explore every inch of him for hours on end.

Later that day, Sue uncharacteristically, came downstairs to sit with me in the family room. I was watching some mundane show on TV, when she plonked herself next to me on the couch, making me decidedly nervous. She asked me if I was okay, before playing mother and putting her arm around me. It was a something that I had never been comfortable with and she knew it, but there were occasions when this wouldn’t stop her and this was obviously one of them.

“You know that you can talk to me honey, don’t you?” she said.

“Yes, of course,” I replied, ignoring her actions and still watching the show.

“I mean about anything,” she said, as she pushed my fringe back off my face. “Anything at all, even stuff that you might feel a little embarrassed about or you don’t totally understand.” I turned my head to look at her, but said nothing as I tried to work out exactly what she was saying. “I’m sorry that you and Fran aren’t together anymore, because I really thought that she was good for you, maybe you two can still work it out?”

“Not in the way that you’re thinking,” I said, “it’s not possible…I tried but I can’t and I don’t want to talk about it…sorry.”

“That’s okay hun,” she said, stroking my hair, “I understand.”

‘Do you’?

“It’s not easy being a teenager, is it?” she said.

“No, it certainly isn’t,” I said and smiled at her.

“As long as you know that I’m here for you if you need me,” she said, “or when you’re ready.” I really didn’t know for sure, exactly what all that was about, but I always had the impression that Sue knew a little more about me than I was comfortable with and it certainly got me thinking.

“Thanks Sue,” I said, “and I really do mean that.”

“I know honey,” she said as she got up to leave, “and don’t forget you still need to put a dollar in the jar.”

* * * * *

Nathan called me in the evening to tell me that he couldn’t get out that night. I guess that two nights in a row would have been a little too much for his over protective parents. However, he did ask me as expected, if I wanted to come over to his place the following Wednesday after school. I would get the opportunity to meet his parents and although he didn’t mention it, maybe the chance of tiny bit of alone time. The official story was that I was coming over to help him edit a video, which he had been filming with his new camera. He told me that it was some kind of wildlife spoof, which made me laugh and then he told me to read-up about video editing on the internet, because I was supposed to be showing him what to do.

That was still a full four days away and it seemed at the time like an eternity. I got to see him of course at school, mostly at lunch, where I was fast becoming a regular at his table, but it was impossible to talk the way that we wanted or act as we would have done if we were alone. I found it frustrating and I was sure that he did too. It was like getting a new bike for Christmas and then not being allowed to ride it.

I would soon though, I knew that for certain.