The Cockney Canuck - 53. Chapter 53 The Road Ahead

On Friday, when I entered the school building, I was expecting the worst. I had spent the morning regretting my decision to announce my love for Nathan in front of his drama class the night before, and for the first time, I was actually dreading going to school. Daniel had asked me on the bus if I was unwell, and I was even considering going straight to the office to feign some kind of sickness in the hope of being sent home.

I was mulling over this plan when I was hi-jacked at my locker by the ever cheerful and increasingly delectable Rory. The warm summer weather suited his bubbly personality, and although he was dressed like every other boy, in knee length board shorts and a t-shirt, they seemed to hang on him a little better than most. We talked about the upcoming soccer World Cup, which was due to start the following week, and I reaffirmed my promise to watch the England games at his house. It was Rory’s cheerful banter and shapely butt that helped drag me from my gloom and into the classroom for the start of what I expected to be an eventful day.

In the cafeteria at lunchtime, Rory and I were joined by David, who seemed a little uneasy. He kept looking at me as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t quite sure how I would react. With only one thing on my mind, I was starting to worry, and naturally, I was thinking the worst.

‘Has the gossip reached him already’?

Whatever it was that was bugging him, he obviously didn’t want anyone else to hear, because he waited until Rory left to empty his tray, before spilling the beans.

“Robbie, there’s something you need to know.” His words bit into me like a rattlesnake, and I flinched as I focused on the carton of chocolate milk in front of me, and waited for him to continue. Mercifully, my panic was short lived. “It’s about Fran.”

“Fran…what about Fran?”

“Well, ah, I know that you guys split up and all that, but you err…you weren’t trying to. What I’m trying to say is…it’s definitely over between you two right? I mean you’re not thinking of err….”

“Are you going out with her?” I interrupted.

“Do you mind?”

“No, why would I?” I chuckled, more out of relief, than at his flustered attempt to explain something that I had already suspected. I had never seen him so jittery, but I thought that it was cool that he wanted to let me know first before I heard it on the grapevine.

“I dunno,” he said, “some guys, you know, they don’t like it when….”

“David, it’s okay, she’s a nice girl, but I’m not trying to get back with her if that’s what you mean. I’m glad you guys got it together, I know that she thinks you’re cute.”

‘That was one thing we had in common’.

“And her parents are rich,” I continued, “they have a big cottage and a massive house. She has her own art studio!”

“Yeah I know.”

“Oh…you do?” He nodded to me and smiled, but looked a little puzzled, perhaps wondering why I would want to break up with a girl who I thought was so perfect. It didn’t matter, I was sure that he would find out soon enough.

‘Blimey, she doesn’t hang around. I wonder if they’ve…well, whatever. She’s gonna bang him silly if she isn’t already. And I don’t blame her, I would too’.

I spent much of the afternoon thinking about Fran and David together and even imagined them screwing with her wailing at the top of her voice. It got me a little hot under the collar, and although I wasn’t sure which of them was responsible, it wasn’t long before the little guy between my legs wanted in, and began to raise his head expecting some attention. It was probably the first non-Nathan induced hard-on that I had had for weeks, and it caused a minor panic for me during geography, as I tried various methods of suppressing it before anyone else noticed. I was quickly learning that flimsy summer shorts were not as good at hiding those embarrassing moments, as the thick denim jeans that I wore during the winter, or the flannel trousers that I had worn in England as part of my obligatory school uniform. Once again, it was a mental image of the ever reliable, and increasingly useful, old battle-axe, Miss Pringle that saved my blushes.

I had to face my ex-girlfriend in my final lesson of the day. She was still my partner in the art class that we shared; a previously unpalatable experience that suddenly became much easier to bear after David’s earlier disclosure.

“I don’t mind,” I said, after her confession to me about something that I already knew.

“I don’t care if you do,” she replied. Her tone was a little more assertive than David’s, but I let it go.

“I think that you’ll be good together, he’s a nice-looking boy.”

She stared back at me from her canvas. “Hands off, he’s mine,” she said, before shaking her head and smiling as she turned back to her painting.

I raised my hands in a show of innocence and gave her a theatrical smile that I know she saw. “I’m only saying that’s all. But he’s cute, and from what I’ve seen in the showers he has a pretty big….”

“Stoppit!” she said, “I don’t wanna know okay?”

“…Birthmark on his back,” I finished sheepishly, then backed away as she tried to slap my arm. She was laughing, though, and I thought it was cool that I could still do that.

‘So, she hasn’t got her teeth into him yet. It won’t be long’.

“So what about you; had any luck?”

“Nah,” I lied, “there’s not a lot out there.”

“Don’t bullshit me, there are plenty of gay guys in this school.”

“Really, who?”

“I’m not telling you,” she said, “find them yourself, I’m not your matchmaker. All I’m saying is they’re out there.”

“Can’t you at least give me a clue; you know, point me in the right direction?”

“Don’t be such a jerk, I know that you’re already seeing somebody.”

“How do you know that?” I said in a rare moment of genius.

“So you are then?” she came back at me, almost biting my head off in the quest for more information.

“Ha, you know nothing,” I said and laughed.

“It’s Rory, isn’t it?”

“No, I swear, it’s not him.”

“But there is someone?” she mumbled as she continued with her painting, and I could almost hear her thinking, ticking off a list of possible suspects. I knew that Nathan would definitely have made most people's top five, but so far she seemed oblivious to what I considered to be the bleeding obvious. She knew him; she knew that he was gay, and she had seen me sitting at his table at lunch on more than one occasion. With what she already knew about me, that should have been enough evidence for a conviction, and I wondered why she hadn’t at least thrown his name out there. Maybe it was too obvious, or as I suspected, she considered him to be a little too young for me. It was a worrying conclusion to reach, and if I was right then I knew that I could be in for a lot more stick than I was expecting. Being branded as a gay cradle snatcher, would have made me about as popular as a leper in a nudist colony.

“I’ll find out soon,” she said after a while, no doubt suspecting that I wasn’t about to divulge anything more.

“Probably sooner than you think Fran,” I said, rather disconsolately.

She caught on quick to my sudden change of mood and stopped working to turn and study my face. I had hardly made a start on my own masterpiece, and there was still a lot more canvas showing than paint, but I ploughed on, brush-in-hand, without really thinking about what I was doing.

“Why, what happened…did you get caught doing something you shouldn’t?”

“No, nothing like that…it’s just that well, you’re not the only one who knows about me anymore, and I get the feeling that it’s not gonna be a secret for much longer.”

“Oh, I see.” She looked pensive and shifted a little closer, then reached out her hand. “You should add a little more yellow here,” she said, pointing to my canvas. “It’ll make the grass look much greener, like the sun’s shining on it, it doesn’t look much like grass at the moment.”

“That’s because it’s not grass Fran, it’s supposed to be a lake, and it’s not sunny. It’s in England.”

“It’s kinda brown for a lake,” she said timidly, before smiling apologetically as I glared back at her.

“It’s a fucking dirty lake alright?” I snapped. “Stick to your own painting…I’m doing fine!”

My snarling approach worked and she went back to her canvas with a huff, but every so often I noticed her glance over, and I knew that there was more to come.

“It’s not my fault,” she said, “I haven’t told anybody.”

“I know that Fran.”

“And I won’t.”

“I know that Fran.”

“Good, because I’ve kept to my side of the agreement.”

“Thanks.”

“Unlike you,” she said.

“Well, there’s not much point now, is there? You have David to model for you, and he’s really hot when he’s naked. I doubt if you’ll get much painting done…I know I wouldn’t.” I wasn’t expecting her to find that funny, but I could hear her smirking as I added a bit of yellow like she said, and turned my dirty lake into green grass.

* * * * *

Soon I was lining up for the bus home, relieved to have made it through the day unscathed, and without hearing any malicious rumours concerning my sexuality. I was sure, however, that tongues were already wagging in the corridors of Stephenson, with the juicy piece of gossip that I had fed them, and that it was only a matter of time before they reached the ears of my friends and family. I had the weekend to prepare myself and consider my options before returning to school, but I couldn’t help feeling that I had boxed myself into a corner, and it was going to take a miracle for me to make it through the remaining two weeks to the summer break without being outed.

Acting as a counterbalance for all the uncertainty was the wonderful, good-looking, and richly talented young boy who I was incredibly fortunate to be able to call my boyfriend. Whatever humiliation or abuse I was about to endure at school and at home, he was absolutely worth it. He had become the centre of my universe, and there was every chance that the following week, would change our lives forever.

I was desperate for an opportunity to be alone with him, but it was now much deeper than any sexual attraction that I had known before. It was no longer a case of just getting my rocks off with a cute young guy. I felt as if I wanted to make love to him, although I had no idea what that entailed. I wasn’t thinking about gay sex or any one particular act, but the whole package. It sounded daft, but I wanted to please him and make him feel special, even more than I wanted to please myself.

This was unchartered territory for me. Tom had been a mishmash of adolescent experiments rather than anything meaningful or loving. We had kissed on occasion, but the nights we had spent together consisted mostly of hushed giggles and naughty touches, as we fumbled in the dark under hot blankets in a cold and damp room. It was new and exciting, and we did try everything, but it wasn’t love, and what pleasure we derived was always tempered by the constant fear of discovery.

Fran was different of course; she was the only person that I had seen naked in real life who didn’t have a penis, and it was strange having nothing to focus on when it came to us being intimate. I found myself at a bit of a loss, and unsure about how to please her, so I didn’t. I was a lousy lover, but she had never had anyone to compare me with, so I got away with it and concentrated on myself. That was all I ever did; if she managed to get off before I squirted, then good for her, but I didn’t consider it to be my responsibility, that was her job. If she wanted a grand finale, then she would have to do it herself, I had my own one to think about. Luckily for her; Fran never seemed to have much trouble in that department, she could have an orgasm riding over a level crossing. She always knew how to get herself off, and was never shy about doing so either.

* * * * *

On Saturday, Don was eager to make good his promise to take the whole family out for a meal, in celebration of the fact that I was no longer stupid. He had been badgering me all morning to decide where I wanted to eat. I knew exactly where I wanted to go, but Nathan’s house wasn’t an option, so I was forced to choose between Swiss Chalet and a popular local steak house. If it had been truly my choice, then I would have opted for the Dairy Queen, but it was never going to be up to me, and in the end, I was strong-armed into choosing the steak house, which unsurprisingly had been Don and Sue’s preferred choice all along.

It proved to be a typical family night out with all the usual trimmings. Nicola kept us all waiting in the car, and only came along after being threatened with a one-week suspension of her allowance. Daniel was sulking after being told off by Don for abandoning us in the restaurant, to talk with a hockey friend. Then there was Amy, who, with the aid of a Coca-Cola induced sugar rush, refused to keep still at the table, wouldn’t eat her food, and then knocked a glass of wine into Sue’s lap. She spent half an hour cleaning up in the washroom, while Don got the wrong steak; bickered with Nicola, shouted at Amy, and nearly choked on the bill. On the way home; Nicola and Daniel argued, while Sue fuelled by a couple of glasses of wine, battered Don’s eardrums with endless drivel, and I sat at the very back, hugging Amy, who was asleep with her head on my lap.

It was the first time that I had seen the whole family out together, but for them, it seemed to be more of a chore than an enjoyable evening out. It looked as if they had been there and done it a million times before, and now it was just a case of going through the motions. For me, however, being part of a family night out was a new experience and one that I thoroughly enjoyed as I sat quietly watching, smiling, and lapping it all up. The restaurant was nice, but I had been to nice places before. The food was good, but I had eaten good food before. It was the company that made it special; despite our little differences, and after months of feeling like an unwanted guest, that night, perhaps for the first time since I arrived, it felt as if I was a part of the family.

* * * * *

Sunday was cooler; perfect weather for riding and my boyfriend was eager to prove his stamina, by joining me for some gruelling, sweaty, outdoor, exercise. I told Don, that I was going to cycle to the beach, before heading in the opposite direction to meet up with Nathan at the local Timmy’s, on the edge of town. It was a relatively safe place to hang out on a summer’s day, as the majority of Cobourg’s teenagers would be going south to the waterfront.

It was about a ten-minute bike ride from where I lived, and close to the main highway than ran along Lake Ontario to Toronto. Beyond that road, to the north, was mostly forest and farmland, with the occasional house, and a few odd-looking Amish people, who rode around in horse-drawn buggies. Other than my trip to Fran’s cottage; I had never ventured north of the town, into what a pampered city boy like me, considered an uninhabitable and dangerous environment, filled with wild animals and bearded lumberjacks.

I arrived early and was already seated outside, with a coffee and a donut, when I saw him in the distance, coasting down the hill. I couldn’t see his face, but it had to be him. He was dressed all in black, with a matching t-shirt, cycling shorts, and crash helmet, which contrasted with bright yellow sneakers, and white sunglasses. As with everything else that he wore, it suited him perfectly and I took his picture with my phone, as he struck a pose and then dropped his bike next to mine on the grass.

“I like your helmet,” I said, unable to resist the pun, and he laughed and coughed as he caught his breath. “It’s nice and shiny.”

“I polished it this morning,” he said as he sat down next to me on a wooden picnic table.

“Yeah, I bet you did.”

He looked a little hot, so I handed him the cold drink that I bought for him and watched as sucked half of it up the straw and gasped in appreciation.

“I have some news about next week,” he said in a serious tone, and I suddenly feared the worst. “They’re not going out on Thursday.” My heart sank and he must have seen the disappointment on my face. “They’re going on Friday instead...I got the wrong day.”

It took a while to register, but I could tell by his broad smile that it was a certainty. I just needed to hear him say it. “For real?” I asked.

“Yes, for real.”

“Definitely for real?”

“Definitely for real.”

“THAT’S FANTASTIC!” I shouted exuberantly, “that means we can….” I looked him in the eyes and paused; trying to contain my excitement. He was smiling; waiting for me to continue, but I was suddenly conscious of looking a little too eager. I wanted to play it cool; I didn’t want him thinking that this was the most important thing in the world for me, or that I had barely thought of anything else since he had mentioned it, even though it was the truth. “…we can err…you know?”

‘What is he waiting for, do I have to spell it out for him’?

“Yeah,” he said, and giggled shyly, but I couldn’t tell if he was blushing or just still hot from the bike ride.

“Spend some time together…on our own.”

“Cool,” he said.

“Yeah…and maybe even?”

“Do stuff,” he said.

“Yeah, doing stuff sounds good to me. Maybe we could even…you know do some stuff together, if you wanted too, that is?” I was sure that we were both reading from the same page, and that Nathan was aware that we were making plans to have sex, but I still sensed a little apprehension. Maybe I was being a little paranoid, but I didn’t want to frighten him by appearing to be too pushy, and I didn’t want him to feel pressured into doing something that he wasn’t totally comfortable with.

“I don’t mind,” he said, flicking the hair from his eyes. He was blushing and finding it difficult to maintain eye contact. It was rare for him to be so coy with me, and I sensed a need to talk seriously. It was about time.

“You don’t mind?” I said, swinging my leg over the bench seat to face him, and glancing over at a young family who had just sat at the table next to us. I had been hoping to hear a little more enthusiasm from him.

‘He doesn’t mind; I thought it was what he wanted’?

I swallowed hard, and then after a casual look towards the young family to make sure that we were still under their radar, I reached over to hold his hands between mine. “Look, Nathan, err…you know, if you’re not ready for, to have…err. What I’m trying to say is…if you don’t want to do stuff. You know, the stuff that we’re talking about. Then I don’t mind. Really I don’t. Because I don’t want you to think you have to…I mean you know for me…we can wait.”

He was blushing, full-on, and his cheeks were turning crimson as he lifted his head slightly and looked over his eyes at me, biting his bottom lip. It was a pose that would have provided some serious competition for any teen boy model on the planet.

“It’s okay,” he said softly, “really it is.”

I watched him for a few seconds as he fidgeted in his seat, and then looked me full in the face, smiling in the sunlight. I doubt if he had any idea of just how gorgeous he looked to me at that moment.

“Are you sure, I don’t wanna push you?”

“You’re not pushing me, Robbie, I’ve thought about this and I wanna do it with you, I really do. It’s just.”

‘What do you mean, ‘it’s just’! Just what’?

“What…you can tell me?”

“Well…don’t laugh, but I’m a little shy…you know, when it comes to stuff like that.”

“Ha, you shy? That’s ridiculous.”

‘Phew, that’s okay, we can work on that’.

“I told you not to laugh,” he said, now pulling a sulky face.

“Sorry, but you’re worrying over nothing. We’re gonna be on our own; just the two of us. No one’s gonna be watching, so you don’t have to be shy, okay?” He nodded and smiled at me as I rubbed his hands. “I know that you’re nervous,” I said, “and so am I, but there really isn’t anything difficult about it, you just have to, well…enjoy yourself. It’s supposed to be fun you know.”

I was relieved to know that we were still on course, and I couldn’t help laughing a little at his attempt at being serious. He was way too cute to pull that off.

“Don’t be mean, it’s hard….”

“Well, that’s a good start,” I said, which made him laugh.

“Hard for me to talk about stuff like this,” he corrected me, “and I’m not really sure what to do either.”

“I’m pretty sure you know what to do, Nathan. But I don’t mind taking the lead if you want, although I’m no expert myself.”

“You know a lot more than me,” he said, “I mean you’ve done it before…lots of times.” That didn’t sound good, and I had to think about it. He was right of course, I had done it before and quite a few times, but over a short period, although I wasn’t sure if that made any difference. He must have read my face. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“You think I’m a slut don’t you?” I said, half joking.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” I smiled to let him know that I was leading him on. “Stop teasing me,” he said, “this is supposed to be serious.”

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes of course I do.”

“And you still love me right?”

“Yes,” he sighed, “I love you more than anything.”

“Wow, that’s better than I expected. More than anything is a lot.” I had another quick glance at the table next to us, before moving closer and lowering my voice. “It’s going to be okay Nathan,” I said, “I promise you that you’ll have the best time ever, and afterwards, you’ll wanna do it every day. Like the first time you jerked off, but a million times better.”

“A million times?” He giggled and pushed the hair from his eyes, as I continued with the little pep talk that I had been kind of rehearsing in my head for a few days.

“I guarantee, that’s not an exaggeration,” I said. “We won’t do anything that you’re not comfortable with, and if you wanna stop at any time, we will…you have my word. Scouts honour.”

“Were you in the scouts?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“But I did play the trumpet at school.”

“What’s that got to do with it?” he said laughing.

“Nothing, I guess.”

"You didn't really play the trumpet did you?"

"No."

“Dork!” he said and punched me playfully on the arm.

I fixed my eyes on the little pendant that he was wearing around his neck, and smiled as I thought of the perfect ice-breaker.

‘I’m a genius’.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked.

“Well, I was just thinking that…you know, as you’re a bit nervous and that…then we don’t have to do anything straight away. We can go really, really slow, and you know…maybe we can play some games to help us relax…if you want to, that is?”

“What kind of games?”

“Do you play cards?”

“What, like playing cards?”

“Yeah, playing cards. Have you ever played poker?”

“Not really.”

“Good. I mean it doesn’t matter, I can teach you.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, “I think that’s a difficult game.”

“There’s nothing to it, believe me, you’ll pick it up easy. We can play strip poker if you want, to make it interesting?”

“Strip poker?”

“Yeah,” I smiled at him. “It’s poker, but we play for items of clothing, instead of money.”

“So I can win your jacket or something?”

“No, it’s more to do with losing your clothes actually Nathan, but only the ones that you're wearing…stop winding me up, you know what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah,” he said laughing, “I get it, it’s just that I’ve never been much good at cards.”

“Perfect,” I said, “me neither, but it’ll be fun right?”

He folded his arms and narrowed his eyes at me with a smile that told me I had been rumbled. “You’re not one of these card sharks are you?”

“No, of course not, I’ve only played a couple of time before, it’s just a bit of fun.”

He fiddled with his straw and then sucked on it teasingly, moving it in and out of his mouth, while watching my reaction. “If you want me to take my clothes off for you Robbie, then all you have to do is ask. But I don’t mind playing games with you if you want,” he said, “you know if it turns you on.”

‘Shy huh? I don’t think so Nathan’.

He knew how to get me worked up, and it made me wonder who was seducing who. At least it helped to alleviate some of the guilt that I felt for encouraging him to have sex with me, after pretending to be patient and understanding.

“Oh…err…yeah, well, we don’t have to. I’m happy to do whatever you want really,” I said.

“Are you ready for a ride then sexy?”

“Am I what?”

“You know, ride our bikes, like we planned?”

“Oh that, yeah, of course,” I said as I swallowed hard, pressed my legs together and watched him stand up and walk towards his bike. It afforded me the most wonderful view of his bottom, as I had never seen it before, wrapped in a tight, stretchy, fabric that hugged every contour like a second skin.

‘Blimey, I would kiss that ass, no problem’.

As he mounted his bike he gave me his naughtiest smile and wiggled his butt at me, before resting it on the luckiest bike seat in the world.

“Are you coming?” he asked predictably, as he cycled away.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be right up behind you,” I said, focusing on his backside, as he turned his head to smile at me.

“Good…just make sure you keep up.”

“That’s never been a problem for me…but don’t go too fast.”

“Okay…so you prefer…to take it slowly?”

“Yeah…it’s more enjoyable that way,” I said, as I caught him up and cycled beside him. “And it’s not so exhausting…so we can go on…for longer.”

“Sounds good to me,” he said, looking over. “So…do you prefer to be at the front or the back…because I’m easy either way?”

I wobbled slightly but held my balance as we headed uphill. “What?”

“You know what I mean.”

“No,” I said, “what are we talking about?”

“What do you think?”

“I’m not sure anymore.”

“It’s a little tight up there,” he said.

“Tight up where?”

“Up ahead dummy,” he said, out of breath and pointing to the road. So unless you wanna…get run over…you should stay…behind me.”

“Oh yeah…right…I knew that,” I said as I dropped back and allowed him to lead the way out of town and into the wilderness.