Desert Dropping - 33. Figure it Out

A/N Thanks to Jim for editing!

I stared straight ahead, noticing that the couples’ skate was over and that Seth was back on this ice, now with Angela and Dave, who’d slowed down to skate with him. That was nice of them. I clasped my hands in my lap, and looked away from my boyfriend to stare at the ice--shiny and smooth, if you didn’t count all of the tracks that the skates had been leaving in it. I momentarily entertained the idea of lying on it. It was feeling very hot where I was sitting.

"I should probably explain that, shouldn’t I?" Luke asked from the bench, beside me.

"Yeah," I agreed, nodding.

"Okay. Well, I don’t have a problem with Seth. I like him with you."

I looked at Luke, my eyes narrowing because things no longer made any sense to me, not even what he was saying.

"You do?" I asked.

"Yeah," Luke insisted. "And compared to Aaron, hell yes. But he’s right about thinking that I like you." Luke laughed to himself. "I didn’t think he noticed. He must really like you."

"Luke," I responded, suddenly becoming irritated. "You just said that Dave..."

"You don’t have to rub it in," he remarked. "Look, I do like you. I mean, I’ve been wanting to talk about it for a while now--like you said, to figure it out, you know?"

"Okay," I said slowly, not sure where this was going. "Luke..."

"You don’t have any feelings for me?" he asked, almost sounding skeptical. "Look, I know you’re with Seth, okay. It’s just... do you?"

I stared at him, feeling completely on the spot.

"I said I care about you," I responded quietly, a little miffed that suddenly he seemed to be so controlled about this whole thing. "And maybe I’m a little attracted to you..."

"A little?" Luke responded, incredulous.

"Okay. You’re being an ass now," I informed him, meeting his eyes, and he laughed.

"I’m sorry, Rory. It’s just... I feel close to you. Kinda like with Dave, but in a different way. I mean, you’re..."

"Gay."

"Yeah," he replied. "And, before I knew that, I was kinda into you, anyway. Attraction-wise."

"Because you thought I was straight?" I responded. "Maybe you do have a complex."

"No, not because of that... Because you were cute, and..."

"Cute?"

"It’s a compliment," he assured me. "And you slept right next door to me. I wished you were gay. I mean... I was having those feelings for Dave, and I thought that if he was interested in Angela, I should be interested in someone... But even then, the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. When I found out you were into guys, too..."

"You told me that nothing could happen because of Jase and Eddie!" I pointed out.

"Would you have been interested if I hadn’t said that?" he asked curiously.

I let out a breath, thinking about how I wanted to respond to that. For two days I’d been thinking about the things he was bringing up in this very discussion, and I suppose in truth, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about some of them.

"I don’t know," I admitted. "There was Aaron, but--maybe. I don’t know." I felt my cheeks heating.

"And now there’s Seth," Luke pointed out, and I silently studied him for a minute.

"So are you saying that if I wasn’t with Seth, you’d..."

Luke scratched his head. "That’s kinda what I keep asking myself," he admitted. "Would it make a difference to you?"

I thought about it for a second. "I like that there is a Seth," I responded carefully, and to my surprise, Luke smiled at me.

"I think, what I feel for you... I mean, you know I care about you too, right? You and me--we’re good..."

"Kinda just the way we are?" I finished.

"Yeah," he replied. "I mean... friends. Something physical, though... there have been a few times when I’ve wanted to..."

"Me too," I admitted, before I could stop myself. And then, after a moment, "So why haven’t we?"

"Aaron... and then Seth, for starters," Luke replied.

"Seth’s a good reason."

"And don’t you think if we had it would be..."

"Weird and kinda creepy?"

Luke laughed. "I was gonna go with complicated, but that’s good, too. Except creepy. I don’t think it would be creepy."

"Okay. Creepy was the wrong word," I agreed. "And you’re right about complicated, with Eddie and Jase..."

"We’re supposed to be a family," Luke said. "And we’re kinda young here. Like, families are supposed to be together for a long time, Rory. If we did do anything, and things did get weird, I don’t know. I wouldn’t want that to happen."

"Me neither."

"But... it would be equally weird to say that I care about you like a brother because I am, you know, attracted."

I smirked. "How do you think I felt when I thought you were my cousin?"

Luke smiled sheepishly. "I get it."

"So... what does this mean?" I asked. "We’re just... two guys who are..."

"Friends," Luke stated.

I thought about that. Friends. We were friends. Things seemed so much easier when I heard him say that. Only, something told me that Luke and I were more than friends. I wasn’t even sure that there was a word for what we were. "So do we need to change anything?" I asked hesitantly. "I mean... I think we were comfortable with some stuff, you know? I don’t feel close to that many people, Luke, I wouldn’t want to lose it with you just because..."

"We don’t have to change anything," He cut me off, sounding serious. "I want to be myself around you. And, if Seth has a problem with something, I’ll talk to him if you want. I really do like him."

"No," I replied. "I’ll do it. I don’t think he was really jealous... I’ll talk to him."

Luke simply nodded, and for a long moment we sat there, glancing at each other every now and then, as if trying to figure out if anything more needed to be said. "So, are you really okay about Dave? Do you wanna talk about it?" I finally asked.

"No, I’m good," Luke replied. "Just... could you not repeat it to anyone? I’d sort of like to get over it in peace."

"Yeah, sure," I replied, having no objection to agreeing to that as we took a moment to study each other. .

"You and me are okay?"

"You and me are always okay," I replied. I was even okay when Luke threw an arm around my shoulders, pulling me towards him as Seth looked in our direction and waved.

That night, I’m not sure that I would have actually brought up the conversation I’d had with Luke, if Seth hadn’t asked me about it. It seemed unnecessary to me. I’d been struggling with my feelings when it came to the two of them, but the conclusion I’d always reached was that I didn’t want to hurt anyone, and I was happy with Seth. I felt like that was all he needed to know; that, and that Luke didn’t have a problem with him. But, when Seth had asked me about it, the conversation turned out more in depth than that.

It had never been my intention to tell my boyfriend that I was attracted to the guy who slept in the room next to me. That just didn’t seem like a smart thing to do. But when Seth simply asked me, I told him the truth, and he actually seemed okay with that. He wanted to know more of what Luke and I had discussed, but not to be nosey at all. In fact, Seth only seemed interested in knowing anything that might affect the relationship that he and I had. Which, he soon realized, was nothing. He was glad to hear that Luke didn’t have a problem with him, though, and seemed equally happy that I was able to convince him that I was in fact, okay now. I’d explained how uncomfortable I’d been over the whole situation, and Seth had felt somewhat responsible for it. I told him that I was the idiot who blew everything out of proportion, and he agreed, before kissing me.

And then we dropped it, and moved on.

.....................................

It’s strange how a month can seem like a long time, until a week passes, and then a few days, and you realize that it’s half over. By Wednesday, Jase was feeling better, and force-feeding the rest of us vitamins because he didn’t want to risk anyone coming down with the flu when we were supposed to be going on a family trip over the weekend. As for me, I was beginning to think that I wouldn’t mind skipping the trip, mostly because Seth wouldn’t be there, and while I wanted to spend time with Eddie, Luke, and Jase, I could do that at home, where Seth was less than a mile away.

It wasn’t going to happen, though. They were all excited about this mini-vacation, and I wasn’t going to ruin it for them. What I was going to do, though, was spend every spare moment I had with Seth until we did go. Or, every spare moment he had, depending on the case. On Wednesday, he got off work early. We spent most of the day hiking behind his house with his dogs, and I’d brought Chey along. We had a late lunch together, watched a movie in his room, and later that night, after dinner, Seth came over and played a few card games with Eddie, Jase, Luke and I before Luke came with me and Seth to the park to meet the usual group of people. This time we all rode together. Luke drove, and I was relieved to see that everyone seemed mostly comfortable with each other. Even when we got to the park I noticed Luke and Seth socializing with each other more than normal, and even though I’d told him that he didn’t have to, I was pretty sure that Luke talked to Seth about me. There was about a ten-minute time period when the two of them took a seat at one of the tables, looking serious. I thought it was cute, even if a little nerve-racking.

On Thursday, I woke up late. Everyone was already at work, and Seth wasn’t supposed to get off until two. But instead if just sitting there, being bored, I’d made myself eggs for breakfast and then put them in a sandwich when I realized it was closer to lunchtime before I went for a quick swim, and played with Chey for a while. I was just getting dressed after my shower when I heard the doorbell ring, followed by Chey barking.

I didn’t bother looking to see who it was before I opened the door, but as soon as I opened it I was following Chey out to greet our guest. Seth removed one of his hands from his pockets to scratch her ear, and then smiled at me from beneath a black cap.

"It’s not two o’clock yet," was all I could think to say, and his left brow arched.

"Should I come back?"

"You should come in," I replied, opening the door wider and stepping aside so Seth could enter, followed by Chey.

"Hungry, thirsty?" I asked him as I closed us in the house, deciding that maybe it was time to pick up on some of those manners that the Fishers had.

Seth declined all refreshments when he pulled me towards him for a simple hug that ended with him licking my neck, sending a shiver down my spine as I held onto him tighter and took in the scent of pastries. "You took a shower," he observed.

"Yeah," I replied, trying not to roll my eyes at him. "I’m one of those pesky people that bathe regularly. I brush my teeth, too." I flashed him a ridiculously huge smile, which was wiped off my face the moment he started kissing me. I smiled at him again when he pulled back. "Wanna go downstairs? Luke had the air conditioner running all night and it feels like an ice box."

"Actually, no. I’m just stopping by." he explained.

"Stopping by?" I said, pouting.

"To see if you wanna come home with me," he replied. "I wanna jump in the shower really quick, and then go to the arcade." I made a face. "I heard someone broke one of my records," he complained. "Come with me? And then maybe... bowling later?"

"When did you run off and plan the whole day without me?" I remarked.

"About fifteen minutes ago when I called my dad and told him I’d work double shifts all weekend if I could have the rest of the day off. So are you coming?"

As if he even had to ask. I grabbed my shoes, left a note for Eddie and Jase on the kitchen table telling him that I was with Seth, rather than making a phone call, and then we headed over to Seth’s house. It seemed as vacant as mine, except I noticed that his dogs were inside for once. I watched Seth feed them before we headed up to his room so he could shower. He didn’t seem to understand why I thought it was so funny when he told me that he wouldn’t be long and I could watch TV, if I wanted, while I waited. And as he took off his hat and pulled off his shirt, he looked seriously confused when I pulled off my shirt and kicked off my shoes before he finally managed to smile.

"You coming in with me?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I already took a shower. I figure we can give you a better reason to need one, though--unless you’re in a hurry to get to that arcade."

I was horny. Sue me. I’d woken up that morning ready to plow into the mattress, but had to choose between relieving myself and food. I’d questioned my decision. I’d thought about it again in the shower, but now I was glad I’d been too lazy. It was a lot more fun when Seth was there with me. He didn’t seem to mind putting off his plans, either. I seemed to have his full attention the moment I started pulling down my pants, and by the time I reached my boxers, he was behind me, his arm wrapping around my waist as he guided my underwear down, his hand not being the least bit shy as his fingers moved over the curve of my ass. As I turned around, reaching to unzip Seth, I went from being happy about waiting to regretful when Seth pointedly wrapped his hand around my cock, already fully erect and squeezed in a way that had me hissing, knees shaking as I counted backwards from ten and hoped that I didn’t come before I even got his zipper down.

Seth seemed to sense my dilemma because he released me, looking amused as he stepped out of his pants and allowed me to push him back towards his bed where he took a seat and crawling backwards, towards his pillows. I chose to walk around the edge of the bed to get to him, my hands moving to his raised knees, parting them to make room for my body as I sank over him. Seth wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in, and the hair on his chest tickled my skin as mine met his, causing goose bumps to rise over my body as my mouth found it’s way to his lips. I kissed him, enjoying the way that his tongue moved with mine, and the way that he tilted his head, his lips parting further when he coaxed me to deepen the kiss.

Seth slid a hand all the way down my bare back, not stopping until he’d firmly cupped my ass and pulled my hips forward while he arched towards me, effectively pressing our cocks together in a way that made it possible for me to feel him harden against me. I paused there, taking a moment to feel that light pressure while I forced myself to grow somewhat calmer, kissing him more lightly as he followed my lead.

When he pulled back momentarily and looked past me, I turned my head, wondering what he could possibly find more interesting than the way that I was about to come all over him. That, would be his bedroom door, wide open.

"Oh, shit, should we close it?" I asked.

"It’ll be hours before anyone’s home," he replied, lifting his hand to touch my chin, guiding it back towards him and he leaned forward, kissing me lightly. His hands settled on my back again, his knuckles moving from my shoulders to my ass in a repeated action that had me shifting closer to him, pressing my erection against his more freely.

"Can I ask you something?" Seth asked, slowly pulling back, just enough to meet my eyes.

I raised an eyebrow, wondering if he really wanted to talk now, but when he just smiled, I smiled back. "What?"

"It’s kinda personal," Seth warned. "I don’t want you to get upset."

I glanced between our naked bodies, my cock resting alongside his, and did my best not to laugh. "I don’t think we can get any more personal," I commented, and Seth took a moment to pull me forward, playfully nipping at my ear.

"Maybe," he said, seeming to think for a moment before he continued. "The other night when we picked up... you know, when he was drunk..."

Seth definitely got bonus points for not mentioning Aaron’s name while we were in our current positions, but bringing him up at all was questionable.

"Yeah?" I said carefully.

"He said some things."

"I remember," I replied, frowning.

"You said you wouldn’t get upset."

"And, I’m trying not to," I insisted. "Can you please just ask your question?" I was getting a little impatient, and, a little self-conscious, which wasn’t necessarily a good thing since I was naked and poking my boyfriend’s stomach with a very sensitive hard-on.

Seth sighed, but then did exactly as I asked him to do. "Are you a virgin?"

I’m not sure why that question surprised me, but I didn’t find myself offended, like I’d always been when Aaron mentioned it. Maybe that was because Seth sounded entirely nonjudgmental and fully interested in the answer. But still, it put me off enough to be unable to give him a straight response.

"What do you think?"

Seth narrowed his eyes on me momentarily, but seemed to have an answer, and chose not to repeat the question. "I’ve kinda been thinking about it," he explained. "I guess I was wondering because of... well, the look on your face the last time you saw this stuff," he explained, reaching for his nightstand and pulling out the lube he kept there.

"Oh." I couldn’t quite keep myself from blushing. "Um... look, about that..."

"I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to," Seth said quickly. "I just kinda... I was curious."

"Okay," I replied, refusing to meet his eyes for a moment before I faced him and had a moment of complete bluntness. "When I saw that," I said, suddenly wrapping my fingers around his cock in a way that made him jump, hissing in a breath, "I thought you wanted to stick this in me--it kinda freaked me out."

Seth smiled. "So you never think about it?"

"Sex? I think about sex all the time," I insisted, shifting my hips forward. "Usually... not while I’m trying to have it."

Seth laughed, moving an arm back around me, sliding his palm down to cup my ass and keep me still. "I meant, real sex."

I regarded him in mock suspicion. "You’re not a virgin, are you?"

Seth simply shook his head, his mouth still curled into a smile. "I’m thinking that if it freaks you out, then you’re not ready," he said, obviously still trying to have a serious conversation. Unfortunately, this conversation was beginning to worry me, and I was forced to turn serious.

"Is that a problem?" I asked.

"No!" he replied, looking almost like the question itself offended him. "I guess I’m just trying to figure out what kind of things you think about... with sex. Like, what you like. I mean, if that scares you, and you don’t really think about it... do you ever think about doing it to me?"

I stared at Seth for a long moment, opening my mouth and then closing it again as I tried to figure out how to answer him. I guess it didn’t matter, either way, my response would equal a big, fat yes.

"You’d let me?" I finally asked, sounding incredulous.

Seth looked amused with me, but at least had the decency not to laugh. "I like it."

Okay. Hearing him say that was just really... hot. And I probably should have left it at that. He liked it, and the look on his face was clearly telling me that he’d let me. I didn’t see a single problem with this conversation at this point. But now I was curious. And maybe just a little bit nervous.

"Doesn’t it..." I started, but then stopped myself as all of the illustrations in those books I’d looked at with Jase came back to me.

"Does it what?" Seth asked, running both of his hands down my back, effectively giving me the chills before he grasped my ass and pulled me towards him until my cock was resting against his again.

"Hurt, or something? I mean... I kinda don’t get it. Yeah, there’s that whole prostate thing and all, but the whole idea of someone wanting to have something rammed..." that was as far as I got before Seth cracked up.

"Okay, stop talking," he said teasingly. "You don’t ram... I mean, look, it can hurt, okay? But, it’s not like that. And the whole pain thing--totally worth it. But, I’m not trying to talk you into anything. I just thought maybe you’d want to try something... different."

I studied him for a moment, wanting to make sure that his something different was still what I thought it was.

I nodded, deciding that by different he meant good. Or, better than good because things were always good with him. "Okay. Yeah."

Seth studied me for a long moment, and I found myself staring back at him, waiting for him to say something. It seemed necessary, to complete the conversation we were having. But instead, he leaned towards me and I took the hint, moving to meet his mouth with mine. I watched him close his eyes when he felt my tongue against his lips, but just as he began to part them I placed my hands on his shoulders, gently pushing him back..

"So are we starting now?" I asked stupidly.

Seth opened his eyes, seeming a little baffled before he flashed me a small smile. "I’m nervous, too," he said quietly.

"But you’ve done this before."

"Not with you."

He watched me for another moment, as if waiting to see if I needed to say anything else. I felt like I should, but had no idea what those words would be. I leaned forward instead, meaning to kiss him again. Before I even got the chance, Seth had a firm arm around me and I gasped as he flipped me over, cradling my head against the pillows.

I stared up at him as he straddled my hips, and I fidgeted beneath him as he settled his weight gently over me until my balls were resting just behind his, at the cleft of his ass. I reached for him, moving an arm around his back as I pulled him towards me. Seth met my mouth only briefly before he nuzzled at my face with his, coaxing me to turn my head just slightly before he dipped his head down and I felt his tongue on my neck and his teeth gently grazing my skin in a way that had me holding him tighter. He kissed his way around my collarbone and I tilted my head back as I felt my own breathing grow ragged with his body pressed so close to mine.

I slid my hands down Seth’s smooth back until my fingers drifted over his ass and I lightly squeezed at his cheeks, shivering lightly when the small groan he released against my neck sent a chill down my spine. The soft sound was encouraging, and I dipped my fingers into his cleft, causing Seth to squirm above me during my gentle exploration.

I paused when Seth shifted up my body as his mouth moved to the side of my face and my finger fell over a small patch of puckered skin. I touched it curiously, circling its shape as Seth’s mouth met my forehead and his breath hit my face unevenly. I pressed against his entrance gently, taking in a breath when Seth abruptly pressed back against my digit while his teeth nipped at my cheekbone.

I abruptly turned my head, taking his lips with mine as I withdrew my fingers from his cleft and placed my hands firmly on his cheeks, holding his ass while I guided him upwards and I sat up, following his mouth with mine when his hands cradled my head, holding me there until I broke away, sitting up beneath him as he sat on his knees, straddling my thighs. I moved my mouth to his body, running my tongue up his chest as it rose up directly in front of me and Seth took in a breath, releasing it shakily. His hands went to my head and as his fingers dug into my scalp while he held me firmly to him I moved one hand around his body, cupping his balls and rolling them lazily against my fingers while my other hand remained stretched over his ass, guiding his hips to tilt towards me as I drew one of his nipples between my teeth.

When I released his balls it was to slide two fingers back, reaching between his thighs as I dipped my digits into his cleft from behind his balls, and this time as my index finger met puckered skin I pressed in gently, pausing when Seth gasped. I continued to carefully press through the short smooth tunnel as his body tightened around me when I felt his fingers massaging my scalp and heard his soft moans, urging me on until I was inside of him, my single finger curiously exploring. I released Seth’s nipple from my mouth and kept my free hand firmly on his ass when he unexpectedly bucked against me, and I realized that I could feel his prostate. I pressed against it again, and this time he pushed his hips back, pressing down against my invading digit and the sight of him, and his cock, fully erect and twitching with my contact excited me enough to suddenly withdraw my finger. I regretted my impatience over it when Seth whimpered a small protest and jumped, but he didn’t let me think about it for long as he cupped my face in his hands and tilted it up, giving himself room to bring his mouth down bruisingly over mine.

I kissed Seth back, all the while sliding one hand over the bedspread until I came upon the bottle of lube. Seth must have been watching, because the moment I had it, he broke the kiss and while I opened the bottle, depositing an experimentally large amount over my fingers he was reaching for the nightstand. Before I could even think about what I wanted to do with the lube, I met his eyes as he tore open a condom, and then gasped as he sheathed me with it tightly. When Seth pulled me forward to kiss me again, I was already guiding him off of me and onto his back. This was met with an ample amount of cooperation from Seth. I probably wouldn’t have been able to accomplish it otherwise. Once on his back, he was pulling me over him, spreading his knees as he continued to kiss me and my index finger blindly searched out his entrance again; and freshly lubed it slipped in easily. I moved the digit within him until he instructed me to insert a second and it felt like a long while as I explored, discovering how he liked to be touched and the way that his ring would loosen and his body would clamp down around me before Seth, panting, his eyes rolling back as he fought to keep them entirely opened, reached for the lube and had me thrusting against his hand as he applied it generously to the condom.

He held me to him, giving instructions breathily as he tilted his hips towards me and brought his knees up to my sides, and when the head of my cock slipped past his tight ring I couldn’t tell if it was me or Seth who cried out as everything momentarily went black as orgasm hit. For a long moment I lay over him, shaking as I worried over whether or not I’d actually come. But, as some of the stars cleared I could feel myself, hard and throbbing within him, and with a hand on my ass he guided me forward, deeper until I instinctively began to rock my hips at the slow pace in which he was guiding me. By the time I began moving faster Seth was sweaty beneath me, holding onto my shoulders as I kissed him while his cock, which was trapped between our bodies, met with friction. I felt his body clamping down around my erection, strangling my thrusts as he spent himself between us, and a long kiss later, I was thrusting one more time, accepting his arms around me as I collapsed tiredly over his chest.

...................................

I hadn’t been looking forward to getting my driver’s license. Luke called it blasphemy, but that was the truth. And it wasn’t because I didn’t want to drive. It was because I was studying to take a test that I’d have to take again when I went home. This all seemed very pointless to me.

Not Eddie, though. For some reason, this test was important to him, and what seemed equally important to him, was that we go down to wait in the long, obnoxious line together. That’s why on Friday, he skipped out on work to come home and take me. I hadn’t been expecting it, and felt a little disappointed when I had to call Seth to tell him that I’d have to meet him later, but, I wasn’t about to ruin Eddie’s moment. While he drove, I studied, and then he started quizzing me, and that only made me feel pressured. He kept talking about how he wanted me to drive to the lake tomorrow morning, and if I was going to do that, I’d need a driver’s license. It didn’t help that I missed half the questions that he quizzed me with.

When I was taking the written exam, Eddie was close by, which only made my nerves worse as I discovered how much I really didn’t want to disappoint him with this. Obviously, it mattered to Eddie. It was like a goal he’d set to achieve before I left, and while I wasn’t thrilled with it, I tolerated it. At least, until it was time to grade my test. Eddie didn’t look happy at all when the old woman behind the counter marked the first three questions with her big red pen. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. It didn’t look good, because you were only allowed to miss three without failing. But when the rest of my answers came back right, I think I was as happy about it as Eddie was. Actually, I was just as happy. Passing the written part was definitely a confidence boost, and in all honesty, the man who gave me the actual driving exam was less intimidating than facing a disappointed Eddie would have been. When I told him I passed, I think he wanted to hug me, which provoked a rather uncomfortable moment between us before he settled for a firm pat on the head and pointed me to where I was supposed to get my picture taken.

"Make sure you smile," he warned. "Luke thought it would look cooler if he didn’t and his picture looks like a mug shot."

"I’ll smile," I promised, turning to head over, but Eddie placed a hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Hey, good job," he said, but his phone started ringing before I could respond. "Hello?" he answered. "Oh... hi, Alice... um, yeah, he’s here with me. Listen, can we call you back in ten minutes? Rory just got his driver’s license." I rolled my eyes because it sounded like he was bragging, and he just pointed me towards the camera again. "Thanks, Alice. Talk to you soon."

"What did she want?" I called over to Eddie as I stood on the tape-marked floor where I was told to.

"You haven’t called her back yet," Eddie replied. "She wants to talk to you."

"Oh. Right," I replied, right before I looked directly ahead and smiled for the camera.

...................................

"Ouch!" I grunted, waking from a dead sleep, not so pleasantly, as Luke’s weight landed on my stomach. "What are you doing?" I demanded as soon as I saw the clock. Six o’clock on Saturday morning. No-fucking-way. I pushed him off of me and he laughed, preventing me from pulling the covers back over my head when I tried.

"Time to wake up!" Luke informed me. "Come on, Rory, I’m supposed to be taking your bag out to the car." I opened one eye and watched as Luke lowered himself onto all fours, looking under my bed. "Where is your bag?"

"Right, we’re going to the lake," I remembered, slowly sitting up and rubbing the sleep away from my eyes. I hoped that Eddie didn’t expect me to drive right away. After saying goodbye to Seth for a really long time when he dropped me off the night before, I’d called him to say goodbye again, and we’d been on the phone until four and a half hours ago. I hadn’t gotten much sleep.

"Yeah, so out of bed!" Luke insisted, looking impatient. "Where’s your bag?"

"Uh... in the closet," I guessed, and he looked at me disapprovingly before he went over and lifted out a large black duffle bag. Then he just looked at me incredulously.

"It’s empty."

"I haven’t packed yet."

Luke narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head before he dropped the bag on the floor, marched back over to me, grabbed my arm and physically removed me from my bed.

"Hey!" I objected. "Sleeping here."

"Waking up," Luke corrected me. "Come on, we’re hardly going to be there for two days. You go take a cold shower and get dressed. I’ll pack for you."

"How thoughtful," I remarked, and then gasped when Luke took it upon himself to slap my ass so hard that it echoed through the room. I glared at him, but there was nothing teasing at all in his expression so I sighed and headed towards the bathroom. Apparently, someone wanted to get to the lake.

Luke really did do my packing for me, not that I ever doubted he would. Later, I’d discover that he did a good job of it, packing just enough for an overnight stay, plus two sets of swim trunks--one being my new one--and a hooded sweater, just in case. He also picked the clothes I wore for the drive to the lake. They were folded outside of the bathroom door when I started to come out with a towel around my waist. Luke reminded me to pack my toothbrush, and I remembered the cell phone on my own. I’d made sure it was charged the night before because I wanted to call Seth later. I would have done it before we left, but I didn’t think it would be right to wake him up so early when he already had to work all day.

Jase was in the kitchen, ready to make sure everyone got at least a small breakfast before we left, and Eddie did in fact want me to drive, which was okay, because I was awake enough by then, and since I had my license, Eddie was happy to sit in the back seat with Jase, while Luke sat up front with me, constantly tuning in radio stations that Jase had rather loud objections to. We made one stop on the way out of town, to drop off Chey--who would be staying with Dave for the weekend.

For the most part, it wasn’t a bad drive, full of stories about how they’d gone to the lake before they met me. Eddie took over driving when we got closer to our destination, as traffic became thicker, and not long after we were checking into a hotel. It wasn’t far from the water, and according to Eddie, it had a great continental breakfast. Luke wanted to know where his continental lunch was.

It wasn’t even noon yet, but since we hadn’t packed much for snacks, Eddie and Jase agreed to take the shuttle from the hotel to the lake to get the boat, while Luke and I took Eddie’s car to the nearest grocery store to stock up on enough overpriced items to at least get us through the day.

The grocery store became an experience in itself when Luke took the time to pick up a few phone numbers from some local girls, worrying me that we were losing him to the other side due to his recently misplaced interest in the same sex. When I’d voiced my concerns, he’d laughed and explained that hot girls generally hung out with hot guys, and that he had no intention of giving up his natural instincts, just his natural ability to chose guys that were completely wrong for him. I wasn’t sure when he planned to call any of these girls, given the fact that we were scheduled to leave tomorrow afternoon, but he seemed confident, so I didn’t argue.

Eddie was right about Jase’s boat. It wasn’t very big. It only seated three people, but that suited us just fine because it was fast, and at least one of us seemed to be in the water at all times, anyway. Luke taught me the joys of holding onto an inner tube for dear life until I ran into a wake large enough to knock me off, and we had fun watching Jase and Eddie take turns with the skis. Jase even let me drive once when Eddie was the one in the water. I don’t think Eddie fully appreciated that, but I had fun.

Later on, we stopped somewhere in the middle of the lake, which was much larger than I’d first thought, and made sandwiches for an early dinner before we found a safe place to go swimming. I particularly enjoyed that, given the way that the sun had been constantly beating down on us, even if I couldn’t see anything under the water. I made Eddie nervous when I took off my life jacket, but I convinced him that I wasn’t going to drown, and for the next few hours until sunset we pretty much bullshitted in and out of the water.

When we got back to the hotel, everyone took turns showering in the one bathroom between the adjoining rooms that Eddie had rented. I think Jase mentioned dinner, but even if I was hungry, I wouldn’t have had the energy to eat. I never knew that being on a boat all day could be so tiring until I was passing out ten minutes after I’d rinsed the lake water off of me. I doubt I was out for long, though, because Eddie nudged me awake around eight thirty, telling me that he was going out to a bar with Jase.

I was surprised by the announcement because I’d been under the impression that this was supposed to be a family trip, and that Jase and Eddie would want us to all be together the whole time, not that I minded. Eddie had left Luke and me his keys and made us promise to call if we went anywhere, and to have our phones on us at all times, but other than that, it turned out that we were free for the rest of the night. Luke seemed particularly happy about this, and as soon as Jase and Eddie were out the door I realized the reason was because he really did plan to call those girls he’d met earlier. After using a very flirty voice on the phone, and jotting down some directions on the hotel courtesy paper, he took the time to convince me to go with him because according to the girls, they were having a small get-together and we were invited. He’d definitely heard guys in the background. This is how we ended up in someone’s garage listening to a tone-deaf band that we pretended to like because Luke was attracted to the drummer, who even I could tell, was hopelessly straight. But it wasn’t really a bad group of people, and I didn’t mind hanging out with them. I spent most of the time talking to Luke, and trying to convince him that he couldn’t start his own band with Dave, Brian and Rick if none of them actually played instruments.

When Luke seemed occupied talking to our hosts, I finally took the time to sneak away and call Seth. I’d caught him on his way home from work, and he sounded tired, and way more interested in knowing how my day was going than telling me about work. I told him I’d be back tomorrow night, and asked if he wanted to get together then, but I wasn’t sure if he heard me because our connection suddenly went bad and my phone dropped the call. It started ringing again as soon as it happened.

"Seth?" I answered.

I heard my name, mixed into a bunch of static on the other end, but it wasn’t Seth.

"Grandma?" I asked, surprised. I guess I shouldn’t have been. I was supposed to call her back yesterday, after she’d called Eddie when I was getting my license. I’d sort of forgotten. "Grandma Alice?" I said again, raising my voice when the static only got worse. I could hear bits and pieces, but the hell if I knew what she was saying. "Grandma, I can’t hear you. I’ll have to call you back," I reasoned. I hung up with her, and my phone didn’t ring again. By the time Luke and I left the locals’ garage it was already eleven thirty, and I had enough cell service to call Seth, but I told myself that I’d call my grandma in the morning. It was way past her bedtime, anyway. In fact, I was surprised that she’d called me so late in the first place. But, it wasn’t a concern, and neither was she, actually, because I was on vacation, and not really prepared to argue with her. I’d have plenty of time for that in two weeks, when I’d be living with her again.

....................................

I laid stretched out on one of the two queen-sized beds in the room Luke and I were sharing, occasionally paying attention to the way that Luke complained about how the cable channels that the hotel provided sucked as he flipped through them. It was just past midnight, and Eddie and Jase weren’t back yet. Luke had explained that we probably wouldn’t see them until morning, and even if we couldn’t get to sleep, we should relax so we’d have plenty of energy tomorrow. I chose to relax with the reading material I’d packed--the only thing Luke hadn’t put in my bag.

I’m not sure why I’d grabbed my mom’s journal at the last minute. I never thought I’d even want to leave the house with it, terrified that I’d lose it somewhere. But, I’d put it in my bag, and once again I found myself flipping through the pages. Tonight I was smiling, though. There were at least ten pages in a row, about a week’s time, where my mom had been in a particularly good mood. She wrote about things that amused her, including me and the way I’d decided to ask my grandma to help me find a nice dress for my mom, and I’d dressed up to take her out on a date. I’d forgotten all about it. Nothing had gone as planned. I’d taken her to a restaurant that apparently, you needed reservations for, and we’d ended up all dressed up and at a Taco Bell across the street; then the movie times I’d checked were all wrong and we ended up jumping in our seats for two hours during a horror film, which was definitely horrible because my mom hated scary movies. She’d appreciated the effort, though, and I found myself smiling as I read her version of the events that evening, and the way she’d painted me as a misguided hero.

And there were other things she seemed happy about that particular week. Everything, in fact. The way it had rained; the dandelion she’d found and placed in a vase; the new curtains in our apartment, that my grandmother had helped her make. She’d been happy about all of it, and appreciative, that she’d been there to experience it. Silly little things that she’d normally take for granted.

It made me feel good, reading about that stuff. So much so, that I nearly forgot that this was one book that wouldn’t have a happy ending. I probably should have put it down, to wait for another day so I could enjoy the good feelings that her words currently gave me. But, I kept reading. Maybe a little too far for one night, because eventually, I reached something that made me sit up and pay attention, literally.

I’m going to find Eddie.

Those are the words that had me sitting up, taking the book with me. It was the first he’d been mentioned in the journal.

"What?" Luke asked, looking over at me when he noticed my movement.

I let out a breath and leaned back on my pillow, shaking my head. "I just got to the part where she mentions wanting to find Eddie," I explained, and then fell silent again, hardly noticing the way that Luke moved over to my bed and shared my pillow so he could see the journal, but I still found myself holding it out so he could see it better. I didn’t know if he was reading or now, but I was, taking it in slowly, not wanting to miss a word.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, if anything at all. She’d written this before she’d even tried. She did mention that she was struggling with the idea of whether or not she’d want to do it. She didn’t want to disrupt Eddie’s life, or mine, and I was surprised to discover that she’d wanted me to stay with Alice then, believing that that would be what was going to be best for everyone. What surprised me even more, was my mother clearly saying that she was frustrated with Grandma Alice. Which, I’ll admit, in itself was nothing new. But, the reason why she was frustrated with her, was because it was Alice who’d been driving her crazy, pushing her to look for Eddie. I found myself frowning at this information.

"Rory? You okay?" Luke asked.

"Are you reading this?" I asked quietly.

There was a pause. "Yeah."

"She didn’t even want to look for him," I said accusingly. "In her letter she said she did it because she knew it was the right thing to do and keeping me away from Eddie wasn’t her decision to make. I didn’t know she meant that it wasn’t hers because it was my grandma’s!"

"I don’t think that’s what she meant," Luke said calmly, and I looked at him.

"Which part?"

"Here," he replied, reaching out to gently touch the journal with the tips of his fingers before he turned on his side, facing me. "It sounds like this was before she even did anything about it, right? Obviously changed her mind. Does it matter why? In the end, she knew she was doing the right thing.

"Okay, but still..."

"She was probably scared, Rory. Think about it. Actually, just read it. It’s right there... she was scared."

"She should have told me. At least, she should have let me in on it. If she had things wouldn’t have gotten so fucked up."

"Probably," Luke responded dryly, but then smiled at me. "But, things are better now, right?"

I considered this. "I guess so, but still..."

"If things were still completely fucked up... that’s one thing," he cut me off. "Just... maybe you should keep reading. Maybe she’ll tell you what she was thinking, so you don’t have to guess."

I let out a breath, knowing that he was right. I think I knew that I needed to keep reading if I wanted more answers, I was just annoyed that the good mood the last pages had put me in had been shattered over this.

"Not tonight," I said quietly, marking the page with the red bird feather before closing the book and placing it aside. I propped my head up on my arm, and pretended to be interested in the television, but it didn’t seem to fool Luke as he settled in beside me, gently elbowing my ribs.

"Hey, try to relax, okay? We’re on vacation. There’s nothing wrong with dealing with this stuff later."

......................................

I was glad that Luke and I had decided to return to the hotel somewhat early on Saturday night, because on Sunday morning, Eddie was silently waking me and beckoning me to follow him. Luke was still crashed out on the bed next to me, and I assumed that Jase was still asleep in the other room, so I dressed silently as Eddie left the room, and when I found him by the door, leading into the hallway, the two of us left to go raid the breakfast bar. Eddie insisted. Apparently, all the good food would be gone after nine, and it was already eight thirty. We carried all the bagels, pancakes, fruit, eggs and juice boxes that we could carry back to the room, and as soon as Jase and Luke were up we filled our stomachs before the four of us promptly went to packing up the room. We took our bags, loaded them into Eddie’s vehicle and checked out of the hotel, deciding that we’d be leaving for home as soon as we were finished with the lake.

We didn’t have as much time today, but we didn’t bother wasting any of the day that we did have. Most of the morning Eddie and Jase tried to teach me how to water-ski. I got up my fourth try, at which point I became addicted and couldn’t seem to stop, even with Luke warning me not to overdo it if I didn’t want to be sore tomorrow. We cruised the lake for a few more hours, stopping to have another picnic and swim again before everyone got one last ride on the skis and we headed home.

We were all pretty tired on the drive back, so there wasn’t much talking, just a lot of teasing Jase over his sunburned feet, the only part of his body that he’d neglected to put sunscreen on. Despite our teasing, I think we all felt sorry for him because he couldn’t even put on his shoes, his feet were so red.

It was Eddie and Luke who teased me when we stopped for a bathroom break and I used the time to call Seth, even though I was going to see him in a few hours, but I didn’t mind, mostly because Seth was happy to hear from me, and made me promise to call him when I was ready for him to come over. Before I got back in the car, I took a moment to call Grandma Alice, remembering that she’d tried to call the night before. But all I got was her answering machine, and the best I could do was leave a message.

We made one more stop on the way home, at a truck stop that Jase swore had the best chimichangas that we’d ever eat, and we’d just about finished all twelve of them by the time we were moving down the dirt road leading home, and I was staring out my window where Seth’s truck was parked in his driveway next to his dad’s. I was tired, and needed to bathe as badly as I needed to pee, but I was already ready to call him. We pulled into our own driveway and it seemed like a fight to get all of our bags out as Luke talked about whether or not he wanted to drive to Dave’s to get Chey tonight, or just worry about picking her up tomorrow after work. It was when we turned around, heading towards the house that we all stopped, staring at our front door in stunned silence. Or more specifically, at what was sitting in front of our front door.

Eddie’s expression was blank, but bothered, his eyes narrowed worriedly, while Jase seemed curious, constantly looking at Eddie, as if he were supposed to know what was going on. Luke seemed suspicious, and a little bothered. As for me, I dropped my bag and moved quickly towards the five-foot-tall woman with gray curls, dressed in a fuzzy blue jump suit as she sat on a rather large suitcase that had been placed in front of the front door. She stood, smiling at me as I approached, and I wrapped my grandma in the tightest hug I could muster without actually breaking her.