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- 05/15/2019
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
His Story - 4. Round Two
I could feel my phone buzz in the inside pocket of my jacket; it could only be Will, but I left the phone in my pocket. I opened my flat’s front door and pushed my way inside. To my relief both Pip and Harry, my flatmates, were out. I wasn’t in the mood for being confronted by their happiness as a couple.
I walked straight into my bedroom; I took my jacket off and took my phone out. I was right; it was another text from Will.
“Looking forward to seeing you tonight. Luv, Will.”
I dropped down onto my bed and stared at the text. I’d agreed to meet him that night, at his favourite gay bar in Soho, but I’d only agreed because he’d wanted to. I didn’t want to spend the evening with him; I’d wanted to go to the cinema, but Will had kept pressuring me until I gave in.
I’d met him three weeks ago. With my new job I now have fixed shifts. I always have Friday evenings off, so I decided to join a gay social group. We’d met the second week I went, and we’d just got talking. We went for a drink afterwards and ended up back at Will’s flat. The sex was good, Will took charge of what we did, and my passive side enjoyed that, and so I stayed the night; the next morning we had sex again.
We spent the rest of the next day together, most of it in bed and having sex. The trouble was that spending the whole day with Will seemed to make him more and more attracted to me. Will wasn’t unattractive. He’s tall, taller than me by six inches with light brown hair and a lean muscular body; and sex with him was good.
What went wrong was how strongly attracted Will was to me; I don’t know why. I’m nothing appealing; there’s nothing special about me; I’m not handsome or clever or funny, but Will seemed to want to chase after me. It all made me feel awkward. I didn’t want to hurt him, but his heavy attraction to me was making me feel colder and colder to him. I didn’t want to just dump him, not return his calls and stand him up (like had happened to me so often), but the longer I kept seeing him the worse I felt. If the sex with Will hadn’t been so good, I would have moved on sooner, but I needed the affection he gave me; it was almost addictive.
The problem is I really want a lover. I’m so lonely on my own. My flatmates, Harry and Pip, are the Happiest Gay Couple in the Country; they live together, they have sex, they hold each other’s hands, they spend so much time together, and they’re always happy. I want what they have, and the envy was eating away at me from the inside out. I found myself hating Harry and Pip; I was so jealous of them. I wasn’t attracted to either of them; I didn’t want to break them up; I like both of them; I’m just painfully jealous of what they have.
On the other hand, I didn’t feel that way about Will. We have sex in common but nothing else. Will likes bars and clubs; they were the only places he wants to go to, whereas I hate them. We didn’t have anything to talk about, though Will does like to talk; I don’t even like him that much.
I knew I had to end it with him, I couldn’t go on just using him, but that also made me feel depressed. I wanted a lover, but all I could find were guys not interested in me, one-night stands that were more frustrating than they were satisfying, or guys who were interested in me but who I didn’t feel anything for, which was the worst. I just wanted to find a guy I liked and who liked me.
Sitting there, I decided that I would end it all with Will that night, stop this before it all went too far. That night I’d tell him the truth, gently, but still tell him the truth, I told myself.
In reality, I lost my nerve and did not say anything to Will that night. Instead we ended in bed together. Everything would limp on for two more weeks as I felt guiltier and guiltier about it all. I’d only find the courage to end it when Will started making plans for us to go on holiday together.
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Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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