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- 04/05/2013
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Requiem For Antonin Artaud - 1. Requiem for Antonin Artaud
At times all I would need is a single word, a simple little word of no importance, to be great, to speak in the voice of the prophets: a word of witness, a precise word, a subtle word, a word well steeped in my marrow, gone out of me, which would stand at the outer limit of my being,
and which, for everyone else, would be nothing.
I am the witness, I am the only witness of myself. This crust of words, these imperceptible whispered transformations of my thought, of that small part of my thought which I claim has already been formulated, and which miscarries,
I am the only person who can measure its extent. - The Nerve Meter – Antonin Artaud
**
A poem to be read aloud at steadfast pace by someone who has lost everything with no hope of recovery. An inevitable condemnation of the being that we each are.
PROLOGUE: WAITING FOR THE MOMENT BEFORE IT ALL FALLS APART
Action.
Breath.
Reaction.
Hold.
Listen.
Panic.
Silent tears.
Nobody will hear.
Door.
Open.
Pain.
Wait.
In time.
Follow the
Breath
Inside
Walk into light
Think of the sad
Think of the happy
Beyond
Beyond
Breath
He.
Breath.
Panic.
Internal combustion.
Stage Direction.
Nuclear winter.
Exit.
Too much.
Breath.
Breath.
BREATH.
Beyond.
Panic.
Thought is not what…
Breath.
You
Breath.
Undeterminable loss.
Non negotiable desire.
Nonsense.
Or.
Panic.
Thought.
Truth?
PART ONE: BEGINNING WITH A STEP INTO THE UNKNOWN
Music to listen to while you watch the rest of the world goes by: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bBwa8nqtris
A silent breath.
In time he breathes
He dreams
He walks
Centre stage
Unintelligible internal Applause
Applause
Ovation
Breath.
Panic.
Sweat.
Dream wasted
Yet
Wait for it
He strikes up his first note.
First note.
Second note.
Third note.
Fourth note.
Fifth note.
Sixth Note.
Seventh Note.
Eighth note.
No thought
Just
Notation.
The bow runs along the string
Producing
sound
Producing
emotion
He walks.
He plays.
A ominous silence.
Sweat begins to fall across his brow.
Imaginary birds begin to flock
Surrounding him
They lift him into the air
A state of nirvana
A tear falls down his cheek
He plays faster
Notes intertwining
No more thought
There will be no more thought in this place
In this time
There will be nothing.
To.
Creating perfect symphony
He plays
He dreams
He stamps
Each note
Like
Bleeding from his heart
His heart
Crescendo
He engrosses himself
Fire
Fire from the stage
It grows around him
It engulfs him
His eyes are red
Possesion.
Entrapment.
Certain death.
No chance of recovery.
Certain.
Breath.
Panic.
Panic.
Panic.
Breath.
Continue.
sudden silence
you hear nothing.
The song is over now.
There will be no applause.
There will be no audience.
Dust.
Only dust…
Death.
Loss.
No more hope.
No one watches.
No.
No.
No.
Not here.
Not today.
You
Cannot
You
Must
Yet wait…
Crescendo.
Higher.
An angel surrounds him
Its wings bright
A heavenly chorus
Seraphim
Is this death?
Is this life?
He looks into the eyes of God
Or something…
Divine
He is thrown
His pace goes beyond humane measure
His passion bleeds
something
Something
An angelic chorus plays
A triumphant ending
But it fades to black
As all things do in the end
He holds his instrument high in the air
Breath
Sigh of re
Re
Breath
Panic
Disorder
Relief.
PART TWO: BUILDING TO THE POINT OF COMPLETE PERSONAL DISSATISFACTION
Music to think about your most beautiful dream to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRsycxGgyuI
Wandering lost
In the forest of dream
The stage is gone
The angels are gone
The fire no longer burns
Death.
Conceit.
Loss.
Panic.
Breath.
Panic.
You hear the violin
Played by one more masterful than you
You fall to knees
Lost.
Why?
How?
Who?
No.
Tears from another.
Moved.
Beyond conception
Building
Hands in air.
Thought.
Prayer.
You hope
You dream
You scream
You pray
You think
You wait
You wait
You want
You wait
Me.
It must be me.
Why?
Why?
A couple emerges
Out of ice
Dance. Ballroom hold.
Fire
They are engorged
You lose your senses
You feel something around you
It breathes on your neck
Verse horrification in your ear.
Something
Beyond the divine
Darkness.
No hope.
There is nothing now.
You cry
You cannot control the tears
You cry
You cry because it is there
You cry because you feel you need to
You cry because you have just lost everything with no hope of recovery.
Inevitable loss.
Inevitable breakdown.
Inevitable transcendence into something
Holy
You lose it
It slips between your fingers
You lose meaning
You lose yourself
To the pulsation of rhythmic certainty
The only certainty left in you.
A concerto of disgust, rebellion and all things wrong with the world.
You disgust yourself.
You remove your shoe and begin to hit yourself over the head with chronic mania in your excruciatingly ungrateful eyes.
You spit upon the organ others worship.
Why don’t you go and fucking kill yourself?
PART THREE: BUT ON THE CALLING OF FATE
Yet…
It is silence again.
You look out.
You think at pace.
Bare. Lone. Silence.Dream.Thought.
Why.
Think. What. No. Yes. Certainly.
But.You.
It. Why?
Who? Water.Ice.
Melt.
You make my heart melt…
You make me…
Feel.
Like I just don’t care.
You.
Left.
Scream.
Inevitable pain.
You.
Bastard.
How
Why
Could you do
It
I
I
I
dont
I
dream
I
pray
I
cry
I
I
I
I
I
I
NO
I feel…
Sudden
Breath
Freedom.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you.
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