Bleeding Hearts - 13. Chapter 13

By the end of the day, the whole school had heard about Gilly and me. Guys I hardly knew were slapping me on the back and giving me thumbs up. Girls who’d never had the time of day for me before were waving, smiling at me and calling me by name from across the hall. It was truly bizarre. Like popularity in a box, just add beautiful girlfriend.

I didn’t run into Asher anymore that day, although I was half hoping I would so I could apologize. I even waited around by the door closest to his locker, but he must have used another exit because I never saw him.

I drove home still feeling guilty for losing my temper with him but unsure what to do about it. It seemed like the sort of thing to address in person, so I sent him a text saying we needed to talk. He didn’t answer.

Gilly said to be at her house for dinner by 5:30. I didn’t intend to arrive a minute early, so I headed home to kill some time.

When I got there, Adam was gone. I found a note on the refrigerator saying he was seeing his lawyer and probably wouldn’t be back before I went to Gilly’s, but he’d talk to me later that night.

I made myself a light snack. I was just sitting down to eat it while doing my homework when the doorbell rang. I got up to answer it. The glass in the front door was frosted, which I hated. I could never see who was on the other side, only shadows and movements. For a split second, panic swept over me as the shapes reminded me of my dream, and I almost didn’t answer the door.

I pulled myself together and opened it, only to immediately wish I hadn’t.

Zack and Jesse stood on the porch.

I was so surprised that at first, I didn’t know what to do. Then, I reacted and tried to slam the door, but my brief hesitation was all Zack needed. He was already in motion and managed to shove the door back.

“That’s not very friendly, Killian,” he said as I stumbled back. “We’re just here to pay you a quick visit. I promise it won’t take long.”

I wasn’t about to allow them into the house. I stood where I was, feet apart and arms crossed to try and hide their shaking.

“What do you want?” I demanded. I refused to let them see how scared I was.

“What kind of game are you playing, Killian?” Zack leaned casually against the doorjamb.

“What do you mean?”

“Don’t play games, fag.” Jesse entered the conversation for the first time with his usual wit and charm.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What games?”

“What’s going on with Gilly? We know you’re a fag; you told us so yourself. Plus, we saw you with Asher.” Zack spoke with exaggerated patience, as if he were talking to a particularly slow child. “So what’s with the sudden switch?”

“I’m going out with Gilly.”

“We got that much, what we want to know is why. Why date Gilly if you’re gay?”

“Maybe I changed my mind.” I was so nervous I could feel the sweat trickling down my back, but I tried to keep my tone flippant.

“You can do that?” Jesse asked in surprise.

Zack shot him a disgusted look.

I rolled my eyes. “You do know there is such a thing as bisexual, right?”

“But you said you were gay.”

“I’m just trying to figure stuff out.”

Zack poked a finger in my chest. “Look, Killian, I don’t know what you’re up to, but don’t forget we’re watching you. If you hurt Gilly, we’ll hurt you. Got that?”

“Yeah, I got it, Zack, but since when are you guys the protectors of Gilly’s virtue? I think she can take care of herself. Besides, you’re pretty pathetic if you don’t have anything better to do than follow me around all the time and keep tabs on my love life.”

Zack straightened up and squared his shoulders as Jesse moved into position behind him. Why hadn’t I kept my big mouth shut? It was about to get me in trouble again. I was gearing up to try fast-talking my way out of whatever was coming when Adam pulled into the driveway.

Zack glanced over his shoulder and clenched his jaw as Adam started climbing out of his car, a slight frown on his face as he took in the scene on the porch. Zack reluctantly started backing away from me. “We’ll talk more later,” he said loudly enough for Adam to hear.

“Are we leaving?” Jesse asked. I swear he would be out of his depth in a puddle.

“Yeah, we’re done here. For now,” Zack told him.

“Who was that?” Adam wanted to know as they drove off.

“Zack and Jesse, otherwise known as Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dumber.”

“The guys who have been harassing you? What did they want?”

“They were trying to figure out what I’m doing with Gilly. I think it really confuses them. It’s more than their tiny brains can handle.”

Adam put his arm around me and steered me into the house. “That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one of these days.”

“It almost did just then. Your timing is impeccable.” I went on to recount the whole scene with Zack and Jesse.

“I don’t want you coming home alone anymore,” he said when I was finished. “We’ll have to figure something out for when I can’t be here. It’s not safe. That could have gone so many ways.”

“Maybe, but it didn’t. I’m okay. I don’t need a babysitter. I just won’t be stupid enough to open the door anymore before I know who’s there. So, what did the lawyer say? I didn’t think you were supposed to be back this early.”

“I’d like the record to show that I’m aware you’re changing the subject and I’m allowing it to happen. The meeting went well. Ilana thinks we have a good chance. She’s very confident.”

“Ilana is the lawyer?”

“Yes, Ilana Constantino. She’s a family lawyer. I met her a few months ago at a PFLAG meeting.”

“PFLAG?”

“It stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Ilana and her husband have a gay daughter. Ilana has agreed to take my case and get the wheels turning on this custody thing. She’s going to start by contacting Eve’s lawyer. I told her to expect all hell to break loose when Eve finds out.”

“What happens if Eve gets ugly?”

“Oh, it’s not a matter of if, only when and how ugly. I guess I’ll just have to get ugly back. This is my son we’re talking about. I’m not playing nice anymore. I’m tired of being the good guy while my kids get hurt.”

We walked as we talked, and ended up in the living room, both of us on the couch.

“Where will Kane sleep when he moved in?” I asked.

“Good question,” Adam answered. “I’ve been thinking about that. Since there’s only two bedrooms, we’ll have to get creative. So far, I’ve come up with three options. First, there is a small attic area that we could renovate to make a third bedroom, but it would be tiny and that would cost a lot. The good news is, Steve’s an architect, so I’m sure he could come up with something cool, and I can afford it. I think. I guess it depends how long Eve drags out this legal battle.”

“What’s option number two?”

“We convert the den into a bedroom. It’s not ideal since there are no closets.”

“Plus it’s your office. Where would you work?”

“I can work anywhere. I could set up my desk in the living room.”

“Okay, but what’s the third option?”

“We get rid of the queen bed in your room and put in bunk beds or twin beds and you guys share. But I know that’s asking a lot so—”

“No! I love that idea. Let’s do that one. If Kane is cool with it, I mean.”

Adam looked concerned. “Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ve always wanted a brother, and we already get along. Besides, maybe having someone else there would stop the nightmares.” I paused. “And honestly, it would be nice for it to start feeling more like my room and less like Seth’s. Sometimes, I almost feel like he’s haunting me.”

Adam’s face fell, and, for a second, I regretted saying that, but then he nodded. “I hadn’t even thought about that. I boxed up his clothes to make room for you when you moved in, but I didn’t even think about how it was still very much his room. Whether Kane moves in with you or not, we can get some new furniture and redecorate. I’m sorry I was so thoughtless. We’re really figuring this all out together, aren’t we?”

“It’s really okay, Adam. You’ve done so much for me. That’s a really small thing. But that makes me think about that therapist stuff. Did you call him today?”

“Yes! Thank you for reminding me. Still didn’t get an answer, so I got some names from Ilana. She said she really recommended one in particular and that she’s send him an email introducing me after I left. I’m going to contact him soon, maybe tomorrow. I want to talk to your mom first, though. I’m sure she’d like to have some input on the situation, and she’ll have to give me your insurance information. She may even have to sign some paperwork since you’re a minor and I’m not your legal guardian.”

I went quiet for a few minutes, lost in my thoughts, until Adam finally asked, “What’s on your mind, kiddo?”

“I’m a little nervous about telling a complete stranger everything that’s happened, but I know I need to see someone. I think it’s all really starting to get to me.” I recounted my altercation with Asher at lunch.

He frowned when I finished. “You need to explain to him what’s going on, Killian. You shouldn’t leave things like that hanging for very long.”

I nodded miserably. “I know. I tried to find him this afternoon, but he’s probably avoiding me again. Not that I blame him this time.”

Adam looked at his watch. “As much as I’d like to keep talking about this, aren’t you supposed to be getting ready for your dinner with Gilly’s family?”

“Getting ready?”

“Meeting the girlfriend’s family is a big deal, you know.” He was grinning now.

“She’s not my girlfriend!”

“As far as her family is concerned, she is. You should at least make an effort to look nice.”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing now?”

“Nothing...if you’re going to school. Why don’t you go change? It doesn’t have to be anything too dressy, just a little less...beachy.”

I looked down at my T-shirt and faded jeans and realized he had a point. I ran upstairs and changed into a pair of khakis and a button-up shirt over a white T-shirt. I checked myself out in the mirror and thought I didn’t look half bad.

I went back down and presented myself to Adam. Once he’d given me his approval, it was time to head over to the Sheridans’. I didn’t want to be late and make a bad first impression.

I entered the address Gilly had given me into my phone and followed the GPS directions out into the rural roads of our county. When I pulled into the drive, I was sure I’d entered the address wrong. The house was old, and so huge it could almost have been described as a mansion. Although it had seen better days, it was aging with typical Southern grace. After double-checking the address, I parked the car in the circular drive and walked up to the broad stairs leading up to the wraparound porch. The front door opened before I could even knock.

Gilly stood there looking a little anxious. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” she asked before I could even say hi.

“What do you mean?”

“Think you’re prepared to meet my crazy family?”

I grimaced. “Do I have a choice?”

She laughed tensely. “Not really.” She stood back and allowed me to step inside.

The moment I walked through the door, I felt a change in the air. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. A chill ran over me, and with it came a strange sense of foreboding. For a second, it looked like the entire front entry area was on fire, but then it was gone.

I stopped in my tracks. Was I losing my mind? What had just happened?

Gilly gave me a funny look. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

I smiled weakly and shook off the strange feeling. “I’m all right. Just a little nervous, I guess.”

“You’ll be fine. Don’t let my nerves get to you. It’s just been utter chaos around here since I got home from school, so I’m a little frazzled. Come on. I’ll give you a quick tour and introduce you to everyone.”

She led me through the entrance hall and into what had probably once been called the front parlor. It now served as a formal living room, lavishly furnished with worn antique furniture that I was sure had to be family pieces. Dark oil paintings of who I presumed to be ancestors hung on the walls in heavy gilt frames, watching over the room with slightly disapproving expressions.

Two men sat on the sofa. One I recognized as Gilly’s older brother, and I assumed the other was her father. They were in the middle of a conversation when we entered the room, but they stopped and politely shook my hand as Gilly made the introductions, though her father wore an almost identical expression to the man on the wall behind him.

“Killian, this is my father, Tom Sheridan, and my brother Todd. Dad, Todd, this is Killian Kendall.”

Tom Sheridan was a rather unimposing man—average height, graying hair and a little pudgy around the middle. His outfit of light-blue oxford shirt and tan dress pants revealed little. He could have been anything from a CEO to an accountant. The only feature that stood out about him was his pale blue eyes, which seemed to hold a startling intensity, especially when compared with the rest of his ordinariness.

Todd Sheridan, on the other hand, was anything but ordinary. Everybody knew who Todd Sheridan was. I’d only seen him from a distance and didn’t really know him at all, but he was one of the hottest guys in our school. He was tall and lightly muscled, with eyes the color of a summer sky and straight white-blond hair that just brushed his shoulders—the prototypical California surfer boy, but right here in Maryland. He was a masculine version of Gilly, every bit as beautiful as she was, and about as physically perfect as anyone I’d ever met in person. I almost melted as I shook his hand.

“After you get the tour, why don’t you join us back in here,” Mr. Sheridan offered, snapping my attention away from his attractive son. At least, it was posed as an offer, but it sounded more like a command. “The men can get to know each other while the women prepare dinner.”

I managed a polite smile before Gilly propelled me from the living room and into what appeared to be a formal dining room, empty except for an enormous table that was set and waiting. “Don’t mind him,” she murmured. “He can be a little old-fashioned sometimes.”

A better word might be chauvinistic, I thought, but decided that wasn’t the time to quibble about semantics.

From there we entered the kitchen, which was bustling with activity. Two blonde women were busy preparing enough food to feed a small army. They were playfully arguing over who was going to remove the turkey from the oven but stopped when we appeared.

“This must be Killian,” the smaller woman gushed. “We’ve heard so much about you. I’m Janice Sheridan, Gilly’s mom.” She held out a manicured hand for me to shake. She looked fragile enough to break, but it was obvious where Gilly and Todd had gotten their looks. She was a stunning woman. She wore her blonde hair swept up in a sophisticated chignon, and her eyes were the same shade as Gilly’s and Todd’s. Still, as nice as she seemed, I couldn’t help but feel there was something slightly fake about her.

While Mrs. Sheridan was busy with her introduction, the other woman had quickly slipped the turkey from the oven. When Mrs. Sheridan noticed, she tried to take it away from her, and the two of them began playing tug-of-war with the roasting pan. I fully expected to see the bird hit the floor at any minute.

“Will you guys grow up?” Gilly teased affectionately.

The other woman, who I assumed to be Gilly’s Aunt Judy, released the turkey to Mrs. Sheridan and turned to face us with a smile. She bore an amazing resemblance to Gilly and her mother. They all shared the same fine bone structure, blonde hair, and intensely blue eyes. Judy must have been younger than Mrs. Sheridan, though, because she looked more like Gilly’s older sister. Her hair was cut bluntly just above her shoulders. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a T-shirt that proclaimed, “I only do what the voices in my head tell me to do.”

“Afraid not,” she said with twinkling eye. “We’ll still bicker the way we did when we were kids when we’re eighty years old and in a nursing home.” She held out a hand and gave me a warm smile. “I’m Judy Cassara, the other sister.”

“Nice to meet you,” I responded, shaking the proffered hand.

As soon as we touched, her eyes widened slightly, and she gripped my hand harder, as if she thought I might pull away as she stared deeply into my eyes as if trying to see inside me. Another chill ran down my spine. Then, the moment passed, and she released my hand with a thoughtful look.

“Almost done,” Gilly said, grabbing my other hand and tugging me away. I glanced over my shoulder at Judy to find she was still watching as Gilly dragged me through the door.

Gilly ushered me into a small room that, from the looks of things, had once been a playroom. Over the years, however, as the kids had grown, it had evolved into more of a game room. The border at the ceiling was still a childish pattern of crayons, letters of the alphabet, and numbers, but a slightly battered sofa sat against one wall facing an entertainment center filled with all the latest electronic equipment. I noted several gaming systems, from an old school Nintendo to the latest consoles.

Gilly’s twin brother Jake was so busy playing a game that he didn’t even turn to acknowledge us when we entered. I’d seen Jake around the halls quite a bit and knew who he was, but we didn’t have any classes together since I was in mostly advanced classes, and, well, he wasn’t.

Like his older brother, Jake was working the surfer-boy look, but where Todd was thoroughly masculine, Jake was somewhat more delicate. His shaggy hair was darker than Todd’s and Gilly’s, more like a dark honey with lighter highlights. His face was thinner than Todd’s, his cheekbones more pronounced with a natural blush. His eyes were so huge you almost felt you could get lost in their depths. There, at least, he had something in common with Todd and Gilly. His eyes were the same impossibly sparkling shade of blue.

“You could at least say hello,” Gilly complained with a playful swat at the back of his head.

Jake paused his game and turned around to greet me. For the second time that night, I found my breath catching in my throat over one of the Sheridan boys. He smiled, and I felt my knees buckle at the sight of his dimples.

“Hey,” he said in a softly husky voice.

“Hi,” I managed to squeak.

“You’re friends with Asher Davis, right?”

“Oh, um, yeah.” At least, I hoped we were still friends. I wasn’t so sure anymore.

“We had gym together last year. Seemed cool. Want to play?”

“Uh, no, that’s okay.” I sucked at video games unless they were the shoot-em-up type, at which I was pretty good. Jake was playing a fighting game, however, and those made me nervous. “I think your dad wanted me to go talk to him after I got the tour.”

“Oh, please.” He rolled his eyes. “We won’t torture you like that. This is your first time here. Come on, play with me.”

“You’re in the middle of a game,” I tried.

“I can start over.”

“Gilly—”

“I don’t mind,” she chimed in.

“I don’t know how to play.” It was my last gambit, and I realized it was doomed before the words were out of my mouth.

Sure enough, Jake smiled and said those famous last words uttered by everyone who plays video games: “It’s easy. I’ll teach you.” Translation: I know how to play, and I can kick your ass.

I sighed and admitted defeat. Jake scooted over on the couch so I could sit down. Gilly perched on the arm to watch my slaughter. Jake handed me a controller and launched into an explanation that might as well have been in Greek for all I understood. Not aiding my comprehension was the fact that I kept forgetting to listen to what he was saying because I was so caught up in just watching his lips move.

Eventually, we started playing and, as I’d predicted, he beat me soundly. We played a few more rounds with similar results until Mrs. Sheridan called us to dinner.

If I’d thought the introductions were awkward, dinner brought a whole new meaning to the word. Tension hung thick in the air, yet I couldn’t figure out its source. I tried to pass it off as just a case of nerves. Maybe I was telegraphing my own stress. Deep down, though, I knew that what I was sensing was not coming from within.

I didn’t have a lot of time to figure it out. Mr. Sheridan kept up a steady bombardment of questions lobbed directly at me—easy questions such as where I was going to college and what did I intend to do with my life. I tried to answer them and still sound somewhat intelligent, but when the majority of your responses include the phrase “I don’t really know yet,” that’s a pretty tall order.

There was very little other conversation. Everyone was intent on their food, which was delicious and seemed to keep multiplying like a miracle of Biblical proportions. The biggest challenge of the meal was trying to avoid staring at Todd and Jake, both of whom were conveniently seated right across the table from me. I was so stressed I had heartburn even before I finished eating. I’d never been so relieved to see dessert served.

Afterward, the women cleared away the dishes while Mr. Sheridan herded the men into the living room. To say I felt acutely uncomfortable in that environment would be an enormous understatement. I watched the women start clearing the table and wished I could stay with them in the kitchen. I envied their escape.

Within minutes, the conversation had completely lost me. Todd and Mr. Sheridan were talking about sports, which I’d never paid the slightest bit of attention to. My dad wasn’t even into them, so I hadn’t even absorbed any knowledge by osmosis At least Jake seemed as disinterested as I was. I managed to dodge direct questions by asking Mr. Sheridan his opinion and staying quiet the rest of the time. My strategy seemed to be working, and I thought Mr. Sheridan was even starting to like me.

Then Gilly appeared at the door. Her father glared at her with annoyance.

“Mom said I was excused from washing dishes,” she said meekly. This wasn’t at all the forward, confident girl I knew from school. “Would it be all right if Killian and I took a walk? I want to show him the yard.”

Mr. Sheridan reluctantly agreed, and I gratefully slipped from the room under his watchful eye. We didn’t talk much as we walked around the backyard, which was huge and well landscaped. The property abutted a small inlet that fed in turn into the Chesapeake Bay, though a small stand of trees hid the view of the water from the house. A path led through the trees to reveal an old boathouse built out on a dock over the water. It made for a picturesque scene.

After my tour of the property, we settled onto a swing hanging from the ceiling on the back porch. It would have been the perfect place to watch the sun set over the bay had it not been for the trees. I wondered who’d planted them and why. It seemed like such an odd choice. Maybe they hadn’t realized they’d grow so tall. I was thinking about how I would cut down the trees if I lived there, when Gilly spoke up, breaking the peaceful silence.

“Have you talked to Asher yet?” she asked.

I jumped guiltily. I’d almost forgotten she was even there. “No. I couldn’t find him and he’s not answering my texts.”

“Oh. I think he’s really mad about us. He sent me a pretty nasty text tonight.”

“What did he say?”

“Just something about how he guesses I’ll date anybody these days. I don’t get it. I mean, I broke up with him a long time ago. We even stayed friends, so I don’t know why he would care. I’ve gone out with other guys since then, and it didn’t seem to bother him. So I figured the problem isn’t me dating, but me dating you. Is that what you guys were fighting about today?”

“Sort of,” I ventured, hoping she wouldn’t pursue it further.

Fate stepped in at that moment to distract her when the back door opened, and her father stuck his head out. “Gilly, your mother could use your help after all. Killian will be fine for a few minutes.”

She quickly stood up. “I’ll be back as soon as possible,” she apologized.

“No problem,” I assured her. I was actually looking forward to a few minutes alone to collect myself, but it wasn’t to be. As Gilly disappeared into the house, her father came out onto the porch. He leaned against a post and gave me a measuring look. I shifted uncomfortably while I waited for him to speak.

“So,” he began slowly, “you’re my daughter’s new boyfriend.”

“Yes, sir.” I was mortified to hear my voice fly up an octave on the second word.

“We’re a religious family,” he informed me. “Do you go to church?”

“Yes, sir. My mother and I attend a church in town.” Sure, I hadn’t been in weeks, but he didn’t have to know that.

He nodded. “Good. Glad to hear it. Then I hope you will treat her with the respect she deserves, if you know what I mean.” His tone left little doubt that the consequences, should I fail to do so, would be dire indeed.

I gulped. “Sir, I intend to treat Gilly with the highest respect.”

He nodded once. “Good. See that you do. You seem like a nice young man. I’d hate to see things end badly.” With that vague threat hanging in the air, he turned and walked back inside.

The door hadn’t even shut behind him before Judy stepped out of the shrubbery and sat down beside me on the swing. I wondered how long she’d been lurking there.

“Charming, isn’t he?” she said.

“Oh, um...I guess he’s just protective.”

“I think you mean overprotective. He acts like he owns poor Gilly and treats all her boyfriends like they’re trying to steal her away. That’s why none of them last very long. Either they get tired of it, or they don’t measure up and he demands that Gilly end things. At least you’re the right skin color and you answered his questions correctly. You might even last longer than usual, if you were actually Gilly’s boyfriend. But you’re not, are you?”

I almost jumped off the swing, but she laid a hand on my arm, keeping me in place.

I gaped at her for a moment, then finally managed to get a word out. “Huh?”

I didn’t say it was an intelligent word.

“You and Gilly aren’t really dating.” She gave me the same searching look she’d given me in the kitchen. “When we touched...I saw things.”

I snatched my arm away. She was definitely creeping me out. “Saw what things?”

She closed her eyes for a second, apparently choosing her words carefully. When she opened them again, they seemed sad somehow. “I know you’re not Gilly’s boyfriend because you’re only attracted to boys.”

“What? No I’m not. That’s crazy.” I was getting panicky.

“Don’t be scared. I don’t judge, and I won’t tell. I simply see. I see many things most people don’t. It’s not that they can’t; they just choose not to.”

The hair on my arms stood up. I’d definitely entered Weirdsville, and Gilly’s whole family lived there. “Did... Did you see anything else?” I asked hesitantly. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I couldn’t resist asking.

Her eyes locked onto mine, and she held out her hand.

“Give me your hand.”

I hesitated.

“I won’t hurt you. I promise. It just helps me see more clearly.”

I tentatively placed my hand in hers.

She closed her eyes, sat for a moment, then began to speak. “You’ve been hurt. Deeply. And you’ve not yet healed. I see you’re afraid—and with good reason. You’re in danger. Someone wishes you harm, someone...” She frowned. “Someone closer than you think. Your paths intertwined; they converge repeatedly. You’re at a crossroads with many branches before you, but there is only one you will survive. Watch your step carefully.”

My heart was racing at her words. They were so similar to what Seth had written. Her eyes opened, and she blinked as if coming out of a trance before focusing on me. Then she abruptly stood up, looking unsettled, and began to walk away.

“Wait!” I called after her. “Do you know who it is? Who’s after me?”

She paused and turned back to me, her face lost in the shadows. “No. I can’t see that. You must discover that for yourself. It’s your path.” She turned and melted into the darkness.

It took all my strength to keep from running for my car and hightailing it out of there. I tried to convince myself I didn’t believe a word she’d said, but the chills running up and down my spine belied that assertion. She’d hit too close to home for comfort.

I was actually relieved when the door opened and Gilly stepped out. Before she was halfway to the swing, though, she stopped. “Oh, I’ll go get us some iced tea. Be right back.” I almost called out to her, asking her to stay, but I bit my tongue and let her go.

She’d barely gone inside before the door opened again. My mind was still swirling with Judy’s words, so it took me a moment to realize that it was Todd, not Gilly. He didn’t notice me on the swing as he walked to the porch rail and leaned against it. I was debating whether to make my presence known when he turned around and saw me. He started a little, then threw me an unreadable look.

“I didn’t see you there.” His voice was flat, still not giving me an indication as to how he felt about me.

I shrugged and said, “Sorry,” although for what I wasn’t sure.

“You’re awfully quiet.” He came over and sat down beside me.

I couldn’t help thinking that this was all like a carefully choreographed play or TV sitcom, with everyone coming and going in such a seemingly synchronized way. I felt as if I were running the gauntlet. Maybe the Sheridan clan had arranged it. I could picture Mr. Sheridan gathering the whole family around a whiteboard and laying out the game plan with X’s and O’s.

“So Gilly’s finally got you.” Todd’s voice snapped me back from my weird daydream.

“Huh?”

“Aren’t you the guy she’s been after for so long?”

“Oh, I guess.” I laughed nervously.

Something about his manner was setting me on edge. It wasn’t anything he’d said, but more his demeanor. Plus, it didn’t help that he’d sat a bit closer to me than was comfortable. I was feeling a little flustered by his nearness. Physically, he was very attractive. I subtly tried to scoot away from him, but since I was already sitting against the arm of the swing, I didn’t really have anywhere to go.

“You guys don’t seem to be all that enthusiastic about it.” He looked at me closely, and I felt even more uncomfortable, as though he were seeing through me.

“What do you mean?”

“Just that you don’t have the body language you usually expect to find in two people who are first going out.”

“Get lost, Todd,” Gilly said, suddenly coming up behind us. We both jumped. I hadn’t even heard the door open. “Since when are you an expert on body language?”

“Chill out, Gilly. I’m just looking out for you, that’s all.” He stood up and moved away from the swing.

“Thanks, Todd. I appreciate it, but you have to remember that I’m a big girl now. I’m only eighteen months younger than you. I can take care of myself.”

Todd gave her another one of his indecipherable looks, then turned to me again. I could tell there was more he wanted to say, but he just shrugged and walked back into the house.

“Sorry about that,” Gilly said as she filled the once-more-vacant spot next to me and handed me a glass of tea. “I warned you I had a weird family.”

“It’s okay,” I told her as I set the glass on the floor, “but I really think I need to be getting back home.”

I was kind of worried that if she left me alone again, Jake or Gilly’s mom would climb out of a window or something. They were, so far, the only family members who hadn’t ambushed me.

Gilly frowned. “Oh. Already?

“Yeah, I, uh, didn’t finish my homework.” I had, but she didn’t need to know that.

“Okay,” she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Well, will you come in and say goodbye to everyone first, at least?”

“Yeah, of course.” I was already dreading it.

“Um, before we do that, I just have to say that it’s been really nice having you here tonight.”

“It’s, uh, been nice being here.” I was stretching the truth a little, but it seemed the polite thing to do.

“So many times I’ve imagined what it would be like if you were here with me...what I would do...what you would do.” She was slowly moving closer and closer to me. Once again, I found myself pressed into the arm of the swing.

“Uh, Gilly, I really need to go—”

“Just one thing first,” she whispered. Then, before I could react, she leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine.

I’m kissing a girl, my shocked brain informed me.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her gently but firmly away. I could clearly see the hurt in her eyes.

“Gilly, we can’t do this,” I said softly. “I can’t do this. I’m gay, remember? We’re not really boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“I... I know, but I thought maybe if we...that you...” She faded out and stared at me with a horrified expression. A single tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek.

“Oh, jeez, Gilly.” I patted her clumsily on the hand. “I’m sorry. I just can’t...”

She gave me a weak smile and wiped the tear away. “No, I’m sorry, Killian. I guess I thought that if we kissed you might actually like me.”

“I do like you, Gilly,” I said, feeling exquisitely awkward, “but not that way. It’s not that you aren’t a great girl. You are. If I weren’t gay, I’m sure I’d like you a lot. I mean, I like you now as a friend, but if I were straight, I’m sure I’d like you as more than a friend—”

Gilly reached out and placed a finger on my lips to shut me up. “You don’t have to apologize or explain anything, Killian. I was out of line and I’m sorry. We agreed that this was only for show. I just got carried away. I know that sounds stupid, but I’ve thought about you for so long. I wanted to know what it felt like...just once. I promise I won’t do it again.”

I nodded thoughtfully as her words sank in. She was doing a lot for me, pretending to be my girlfriend, and she was getting nothing in return. Maybe one kiss would be all right.

I leaned in and pressed my lips against hers before I could change my mind. The kiss was nothing like the ones I’d shared with Asher. There was no spark or excitement. I felt absolutely nothing. I sat back and stared at Gilly expectantly.

She kept her eyes closed for a few seconds, then opened them slowly and gave me a bittersweet smile. “Thank you, Killian,” she whispered.

‘You’re welcome’ seemed rather egotistical, so I just nodded and stood up. “I guess I should get going.”

She stood up as well. We hugged briefly before going back inside, and, after saying a quick but polite goodbye to everyone, I made my escape from what was surely one of the strangest nights of my entire life.