Bleeding Hearts - 20. Chapter 20

Since my car was now considered evidence in a murder, it was still impounded come Monday morning, which meant that Adam had to drive me to school. He had to take Kane to finish his enrollment anyway, but it also meant we’d both have to be picked up after. I missed my car already.

I looked for Asher first thing after I arrived. We’d decided not to act any differently at school, but I knew the first day back after Zack’s death would be tough and I wanted to touch base with him. Despite his generous offer to come out via press release, neither of us was ready to be open about dating just yet. We were still unsure how we’d be received and figured a little grace period while we got used to being a couple might be nice. Unfortunately, I didn’t find him before the homeroom bell rang.

I wasn’t sure exactly what to expect regarding Zack, but the reality turned out to be worse than I’d feared. Very few details had been given about Zack’s death on the news, but that didn’t stop the story from taking on a life of its own. Word of his murder quickly made the rounds of the gossip grapevine, growing like a macabre version of the childhood game Telephone throughout the morning.

By lunchtime, I’d heard at least five different stories, none of which remotely resembled the truth. I’d heard a rumor that it there was a serial killer going after students and the police suspected a teacher. I’d heard someone say that Zack had drowned while skinny dipping with a girl. Someone else claimed Zack killed Seth and Seth’s ghost had come back to exact revenge. Each new story was more outrageous than the last.

To make matters worse, Jesse didn't show up to school, which sparked whispers that he was missing too, or that he and Zack had signed a suicide pact.

The worst part, however, was the beautification of Zack Phillips. In life, Zack had never enjoyed true popularity. He’d been well-known because he was good at sports but hadn’t been admired or especially liked. He was too mean-spirited for that.

In death, however, the student body practically made him a saint. Girls walked through the halls weeping and the guys looked sad and shaken. Everyone went on about how great he had been. I couldn’t help wondering if they were talking about the same guy I’d known.

The only bright side to the whole thing was that Zack’s death took all the attention off Gilly’s theatrics at the party. Not a single person mentioned it in my hearing, though quite a few stopped me to tell me they were sorry to hear about Zack, since we were friends and all. I barely managed to resist telling them all to fuck off.

On Tuesday, Adam let me take his car to drive Kane and myself to school. During morning announcement, we learned that the school had brought in grief counselors to speak to the students about Zack’s death. Anyone could get out of class to go talk to them whenever they wanted.

I couldn’t believe it. Where had the counselors been when Seth was murdered?

By Wednesday, the atmosphere of public mourning continued unabated. Jesse returned to school, which ended the rumors of his death, but everyone gave him a wide berth. I saw him a few times in the hall, looking lost and alone, and I almost felt sorry for him. Almost. Then I remembered how he'd threatened me and beat up Asher.

I reached my breaking point on Thursday in homeroom during morning announcements. We had just been notified about a special assembly to be held the next day when something snapped inside me.

“That’s it!” I stood up so abruptly my chair flew backward into the desk behind me, causing a surprisingly loud clatter.

Every eye in the room turned toward me. The teacher, Mrs. Chalk, looked shocked to see it was me causing the disturbance. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d spoken up in class without being called on.

“This is so ridiculous,” I snarled. “You’re all a bunch of hypocrites.”

“Mr. Kendall!” Mrs. Chalk stood up, eying me warily, as if I were a wild animal on the attack. “I think you should sit back down.”

I ignored her. “How many of you could even stand Zack when he was alive? Now everyone’s acting like he was their best friend. He was a jerk and you all know it.”

“That’s enough,” Mrs. Chalk said sharply as several people gasped.

“No, it’s not enough. A few weeks ago, another student was murdered and nobody gave a damn. Where was his assembly? Oh, that’s right. He didn’t matter because he was gay.”

Mrs. Chalk visibly softened. “Mr. Kendall...Killian, this isn’t the time or place. I understand you’ve been through a lot—”

“No, you don’t understand. Seth was my friend. I was the one who found him with his throat sliced open. I was almost killed, and all anyone could talk about was whether or not I was gay. Well guess what, everybody? I am gay.”

The other students stared at me in shock. No one knew quite how to react.

“That’s right. I’m gay. I’m queer. I’m a fag.” I spat out the last word, and several people flinched. “So go ahead, make fun of me. Pretend I don’t exist. It doesn’t matter to me. You know why? Because I’m proud of who I am. I’m not going to lie about it anymore. If you don’t like it, then that’s your problem.”

I stood glaring around the room, daring someone to say something. Most eyes looked away as my gaze swept over them. No one said a word, not even Mrs. Chalk.

As my anger and adrenaline slowly drained away, I was left wondering how to gracefully end my diatribe. Did I sit down and pretend nothing out of the ordinary had happened, or did I make a dramatic exit by storming out?

I was saved the decision by the bell signaling first period. Everyone burst into motion as they sprung from their desks and tried to crowd through the door at the same time. The room had never emptied so quickly. In a matter of seconds, I was alone with Mrs. Chalk.

She made a feeble attempt at a smile. “If you need someone to talk to...” she began uncertainly.

I grabbed my bag and fled the room without responding.

 

 

I wasn’t exactly in the mood to go to my next class, so I decided to skip. I drove all the way home before I remembered that Adam would be there, which meant I’d have to explain why I’d left school before first period. I took a deep breath and walked inside.

Adam appeared in the hallway. “What are you doing home? Is everything okay?”

I leaned back against the door, giving him my best puppy-dog look. “Remember how I said I wouldn’t get up in an assembly and come out at school?”

“Ye-es,” he said slowly.

“Well, it wasn’t an assembly...”

“Oh, God, Killian! What did you do?”

I sighed. “I kind of lost it in class.”

“Maybe we should sit down while you tell me this.” He headed back into the den, and I followed.

Once we had settled on the couch, I explained all about what had happened at school since Zack had been killed. I ended by describing how I’d reacted that morning when they announced the assembly.

After I’d finished, Adam whistled through his teeth. “Well, you certainly know how to make a scene.”

I shrugged miserably. “Sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, kiddo. I probably would have done the same thing if I’d been there.” He considered a minute, then added, “Maybe minus the coming out.”

“You think that was a bad move?”

“You know my thoughts on the subject. I just don’t want to see you go through the same hell Seth did. Who knows, though? It could be different for you. He was an outsider. You’ve grown up with these kids.”

“I just got so mad at the way they’re acting like Zack was such a wonderful guy. He was a jerk! And that damn assembly! Nobody even cared when Seth was murdered.”

“Again, while I don’t think it’s right, I can understand. Zack attended school there all his life. His family is well known. Seth went there for two weeks.”

“You don’t think it had anything to do with the fact that Seth was gay?”

“I don’t know, Kill. Maybe it did or maybe it didn’t. Either way, does it really change what happened?”

“I guess not,” I admitted grudgingly.

“And to be fair, you don’t even know what they did or said after Seth died because you weren’t there. You were in the hospital. Do you know for sure they didn’t have an assembly?”

“No,” I admitted in a small voice, feeling very silly.

“There’s something else you need to think about. Now that you’ve outed yourself, you have to face your classmates eventually. Are you going to be okay with that?”

My eyes widened in horror. That hadn’t even occurred to me. “Fuck!” I groaned.

“Killian!”

“What am I going to do?”

“You’re going to march in there and act like you meant what you said. You’re going to be proud of who you are, regardless of what anyone says or does.”

I nodded weakly. It was easy for him to say. I was the one that would have to face the looks and jeers.

“You’ve been through enough today, though.” He ruffled my hair. “Why don’t you stay home? Tomorrow will be soon enough to face them.”

“Too soon,” I mumbled. Even so, I was grateful for the reprieve.

“Want some good news?”

I nodded vigorously.

“I finally got something concrete from the police this morning.”

I sat up with sudden interest. “What?” Adam had been calling the police every day to check on the case’s status. All they would say was that they were still reviewing the evidence and if there was any significant progress, they would let him know.

“The medical examiner has placed Zack’s estimated time of death at or around midnight.”

I slowly leaned back into the cushions as that bit of information sank in. I was a little lightheaded from relief. I’d been with Asher, Kane, and Jake at midnight. That meant no one in my inner circle could have killed Zack. As much as I’d felt in my gut that none of them could have done it, there was still a tiny voice in the back of my head. That voice had been silenced with this news.

Another thought hit me. It also meant I had an alibi, as did everyone who was with me. If I was ever a suspect, I wasn’t anymore.

I suddenly realized that I’d gotten lost in my thoughts. “So what does that mean then?” I asked.

“Honestly, I don’t know if it means anything. It was just nice to get some information for a change.”

I nodded. I’d have to tell Asher I wasn’t a suspect.

Asher!

I needed to warn him that I'd come out. Then again, the whole school probably knew by now. I checked my phone but there were no texts, so maybe word hadn’t spread yet. Everyone in class had looked mortified so maybe they didn’t want to talk about it.

Who was I kidding? I’d made a huge scene. I’m sure they couldn’t wait to talk about it. It was more likely that no one wanted to talk to Asher about it since they knew we were friends.

I really wanted to tell him before he found out from someone else. It was almost enough to send me back to school...but not quite.

Instead, I told Adam that I would pick Kane up from school, hoping that might make him more inclined to let me go see Asher, then proceeded to watch the clock impatiently until school let out. As soon as the clock ticked over, I started begging Adam to let me drive over to Asher’s house after I dropped off Kane. I argued that it was only fair that told him in person since it affected him too.

At first, Adam said no since he still didn’t want me to go anywhere by myself, but it didn’t take too much whining before he agreed to let me drive directly there, as long as I texted him the moment I arrived. I was out the door and in the car before he could change his mind.

I picked up Kane and dropped him off at home, then drove directly to Asher’s house. I parked in front and shot a quick text to Adam while keeping a wary eye on my old house.

The yard was a little overgrown, which was highly unusual, and the house looked dark. Dad wouldn’t usually be home at that time of day, but I didn’t know if he’d been suspended or how any of that worked. Could you suspend the state’s attorney for being charged with domestic abuse? Probably not unless he was convicted, right? Which meant he was probably at his office.

When I finally mustered up the courage to get out of the car and knock, Marcus answered the door. “Killian, hey! Come on in. Dude, did you hear about Zack? Well, I mean, I’m sure you did. Wasn’t that awful? He died while we were at the party! I mean, we were right there! It could have been anybody!”

“Not really,” I said without thinking.

“What do you mean?” Marcus asked.

“Well, just that...if the murderer killed Zack, he must have had a reason. I don’t think it was just a random murder any more than I think Seth was killed in a random mugging.”

“Whoa! You think Zack’s death is connected to Seth’s?”

I’d forgotten the police still hadn’t released the details of Zack’s murder, only that he’d been found dead in the creek and that foul play was suspected. I had already said way too much and wasn’t sure where to go from there. “Yeah. I mean, I guess. It just makes sense, you know? I mean, I just assumed—” Smooth, real smooth, Killian.

“You know more than you’re saying, don’t you?”

“Hey, is Asher here?” I was trying to change the subject, but it had also just occurred to me that I hadn’t called first so it was possible Asher wasn’t home yet.

“He’s upstairs in his room. Have you talked to the police?”

“Something like that,” I called over my shoulder as I took the stairs two at a time. Marcus followed me to the base of the staircase, and for a moment I thought he was going to chase me all the way up. Instead, he simply shrugged and wandered off.

I heaved a sigh of relief and walked down the hall to Asher’s room. I stood in front of his door for a few seconds before taking a deep breath and knocking. I watched with amusement mixed with apprehension as Asher answered and his eyes widened in surprise. What if he wasn’t happy to see me?

“Hi,” I said, suddenly shy. We hadn’t been alone since we’d agreed to be boyfriends.

Asher quickly calmed me by breaking into a huge smile. He stepped back and opened the door wider. “Hi, come on in.” His voice was soft, making him sound as shy as I felt.

I entered the room, and he shut the door behind me. Without saying a word, we moved toward each other and melted into an embrace. For a few seconds, we simply enjoyed being in one another’s arms. I didn’t want to let go, but eventually Asher pulled back with a concerned expression.

“Are you okay? What happened in school today?”

I groaned. “So you already heard, huh?”

He shrugged. “It was all anyone was talking about by the end of the day. Are you okay?”

“Just peachy.”

Asher grabbed my wrist and pulled me over to his bed. He flopped down, yanking me with him. “Tell me what happened.”

I cuddled into his side and laid my head on his shoulder as I explained my mounting frustration with how the school was handling Zack’s death, and how I’d finally snapped in class that morning.

He nodded when I’d finished. “That’s about what I heard. For once, the grapevine was actually accurate.”

“What’s everybody saying?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but I had to ask.

He shrugged. “Some people were making jokes, about what you’d expect, but others seemed kind of impressed.”

“Impressed?”

“Yeah. You stood up for yourself. More importantly, though, you made a scene.” He chuckled.

“You’re not mad?”

He gave me a confused look. “Why would I be mad?”

“Well, I mean, I outed myself.”

“So?”

“Well, we agreed to keep things on the downlow for now.”

He kissed the top of my head. “We agreed to keep our relationship quiet for now. This is about you. It was your choice to come out. It may have been made in the heat of the moment, but I support you.”

“You’re not afraid that people will assume you’re gay because we’re friends?”

“We’re more than friends, Kill.”

“Yeah, but nobody else knows that.”

“Yet.”

The mischievous twinkle in his eye made me a little nervous.

“What do you mean yet?”

“I told you the other day. I don’t care who knows about us.”

My eyes narrowed. “You’re planning something, aren’t you?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

“No, tell me now or I’ll... I'll tickle you!” I swung a leg over him and began to dig my fingers into his sides.

He laughed and squirmed under me until he managed to slip away because I was laughing just as hard as he was. He leapt to his feet and stood panting and giggling. I watched him from where I lay sprawled on the bed. Our eyes locked, and we gradually stopped laughing.

I slowly got up and approached him. Our arms slid around each other, our gazes never wavering for a moment. Time seemed to stop. Nothing else existed as I looked into his beautiful silver eyes. It was just the two of us.

Our faces drew steadily closer until our lips met in the softest, most romantic kiss I had ever experienced. In that moment, in that utterly perfect moment that would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life, I knew I loved him. I’d said the words before, but I understood it now in a way I hadn’t before. It filled my heart and soul and body until I felt my heart would explode just from the emotions.

Did other people feel like this? How did they cope?

I was so overwhelmed that, for a moment, I thought I might start crying. I pulled away and buried my face in his neck.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded, but I was ready to speak just yet.

We held me tight, and we stood there with our arms wrapped around each other, my head on his shoulder. The notes of an old song that Mom had listened to over and over when I was little began to float through my mind. Soon, the words followed, and I turned my head and softly began to sing.

“Someday, when I’m awfully low, when the world is cold, I will feel a glow just thinking of you and the way you look tonight.”

I was very self-conscious about my voice. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing. I’d often been told I had a decent voice. I’d even been in chorus all the way through middle school, often getting solos. However, I’d lost my confidence and stopped singing when my voice changed. It had become low and husky, which turned out to be perfectly suited to the old ballad.

“Oh, but you're lovely, with your smile so warm, and your cheeks so soft. There is nothing for me but to love you, just the way you look tonight.”

As I sang, Asher started to sway and soon we were slow dancing while staring into each other’s eyes.

“With each word your tenderness grows, tearing my fear apart. And that laugh wrinkles your nose, touches my foolish heart.”

Asher swirled me around dramatically, and I couldn’t help but laugh before I quickly got back into the song, my confidence growing as I went.

“Lovely, never, never change. Keep that breathless charm. Won't you please arrange it? 'Cause I love you, just the way you look tonight.”

As the last notes drifted away, Asher swept in with another one of those wonderful, tender kisses. This one quickly escalated to a deeper level of passion.

He walked me backwards until the back of my knees hit the edge of the bed and we tumbled onto the mattress where things heated up even more. We rolled around, first with me on top, then him. Our hands seemed to be everywhere at once—running through his hair, under my shirt, squeezing his ass. Somehow, our shirts seemed to come off without our lips ever breaking contact. It was as if I were in some sort of trance, completely caught up in the moment.

I crashed back to reality when I felt him fumbling at my zipper.

My hands caught his, and his heavy-lidded eyes raised up to meet mine.

“Wait,” I gasped.

“What are we waiting for?” he asked with a lazy smile. He leaned in and kissed me again, immediately making me forget everything but his mouth.

I felt the button on my pants pop and that time I sat up.

“No, wait,” I said again.

“What’s wrong?” Asher asked, sitting up as well.

‘I’m... I’m just... I’m not sure,” I stumbled over my words.

Asher looked confused. “Not sure about what?”

“I’m not sure I’m ready.”

He still looked confused. “Ready for what?”

“To, like... go all the way.”

His eyes grew round. “Oh. Oh! No, no, no. I mean, I’m not sure I am either. I wasn’t trying to like...do it.”

“Then what are you trying to do?”

“Jeez. I don’t know, Killian. I was just doing what felt right. I want to be with you. I’ve thought about it so many times.”

“You have?”

“Yeah. Haven’t you?”

I looked down at the tent in my pants. “Not really?”

He looked incredulous. “Not ever? Not even a little?”

“I mean, okay, maybe a little. But I don’t even know what I’m doing. What if I do something wrong?”

He laughed a little. “You won’t. Just do what feels good.”

“Have you done this before?”

He blinked. “Done what? Like, make out? Sure. And I know you have too. With me. Plus, I heard about Jake.”

I felt my cheeks burn hot. “Jake and I didn’t get very far.”

“Only because Todd walked in on you.”

“Either way, that’s as far as I’ve ever gone. What about you?”

He shrugged. “I’ve gotten to third base a few times, always with girls though, never with a guy before. And I’ve never...gone all the way.”

I frowned. “What’s third base? You know I don’t follow sports.”

“Like...hand stuff.” It was his turn to blush.

“Oh. But not, like...mouth stuff?”

His face turned an even darker shade of red. “No.”

“What do you want to do with me?”

“All the stuff?”

“Even butt stuff?”

“Eventually, yeah.”

“But not right now.”

“I don’t think you can just jump right into that. Don’t you have to, like, prepare and stuff?”

“You’re asking me? I just got my first kiss two months ago and I punched him afterward. I’m not exactly an expert.”

He laughed again. “Well, you haven’t punched me yet, so I think we’re making progress.”

He ran his fingers up my arm, and I broke out in goosebumps.

“You’re so sexy,” he said, his voice growing husky.

My eyes drifted over to his naked chest. His muscles were so defined. I definitely wanted to feel his chest again. “So are you.”

“So what are we waiting for?”

“I just... I guess I’m nervous.”

“Like I said, you can’t do anything wrong. We’ll figure it out together.”

“Not just about that. Remember that time you wanted to spend the night, and Adam dragged me off for a heart-to-heart chat?”

“Yeah. Cockblocker.”

I snorted. “I’m being serious. He said something that I can’t get out of my head. He said that sex can change a relationship and that I should wait until I’m sure.”

Asher’s face fell. “You mean you’re not sure? Like about me?”

“No! I mean, yes! Wait. I’m sure I love you. I’m just scared about the sex.”

“I told you I’m not trying to fuck.”

“Sex is more than just fucking. What if we screw everything up?”

“You think me seeing your dick will screw everything up?”

“Yes? No! Fuck. I don’t know, Asher.”

He sighed and turned to face me, “Look, Kill, we don’t have to do anything. The pants can stay on—for now anyway. I’ve waited this long; I can wait until you’re sure you’re ready. But I want you to know that I am definitely sure. I’ve wanted this for so long. I’ve wanted you for so long. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with waiting?”

He smiled and stroked my cheek with the backs of his fingers. “Of course. I love you. I have for years. I don’t think I ever realized how much I loved you until I saw you with Seth. God! I was so jealous. I wanted so badly to just tell you how I felt then, but I was scared. Then when you got stabbed, I was so scared I would lose you.

“That’s when I finally found the nerve to tell you how I felt. I thought everything would be perfect—but nothing went right. First, I panicked and acted like an idiot, then there was Gilly. When you told me she was just a cover, I thought maybe I still had a chance, but then I heard you talking to Jake, and it was like I had lost you again.

“And now, after all that, you show up and tell me you love me.” He reached out and touched me again. “It still doesn’t feel real. I never feel happier than when I’m with you, and when I’m not with you it’s like a part of me is missing. You’re all I ever think about. As much as I love you, though, I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready for.”

His words hit home, and I blinked back tears. In that moment, I decided that maybe Adam didn’t know everything, and some things I had to choose for myself. And I was choosing Asher.

“I’m sorry I put you through all that,” I started. “Or I guess we put each other through it. It took me a while to see what was right in front of my eyes...but I do now, and I know what I want. I hope the roller coaster stops here, but I can’t promise anything. Who knows what’s going to happen tomorrow or the next day? All I can tell you is that I love you and I want this to work. I want us to work. What I’m trying to say is that I’m willing to take the risk if you are.”

“What risk?”

I grinned. “You seeing my dick.”

He threw himself backward with a bark of laughter. “You make my head spin.”

I swung myself over him and straddled his crotch. We’d both lost our erections during our talk, but I felt him throb under my butt and knew he’d be back at full mast before long.

I ran my hands over his chest, just like I’d been thinking about a few minutes before. I glanced up to see him watching me with a serious expression.

“What?” I asked.

“Just a few minutes ago you weren’t sure. Now you’re sitting on my dick and rubbing all over me.”

I gave him a smile. “I guess you made a pretty convincing argument.”

“I wasn’t trying to convince you of anything.”

“Maybe that’s why I’m sure.”

“Will I ever understand you, Killian Kendall?”

I slowly leaned over him until our chests were pressed together and ground my hardness against his.

“What would be the fun in that?” I asked teasingly.

With a growl, he wrapped his arms around me and flipped me onto my back, sliding his body between my legs and pinning my arms to his bed.

“What am I going to do with you?” he asked, his eyes flashing.

“Whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

I grinned. “Within reason.”

He grinned back, then closed the distance between us and captured my mouth with his.

Sometime later, I lay watching Asher as he slept. Our bodies were pressed together, legs intertwined, with one of his strong arms supporting my head, his other hand splayed across my stomach. We were still naked, though the sweat had dried, along with the layer of cum that had coated our torsos.

He’d fallen asleep in the afterglow of his orgasm, but my mind was racing. I didn’t regret a thing. In fact, just the opposite. I kept reliving moments in my head: The sight of his erection springing out when I’d pulled down his underwear. The feel of his hands on my bare bottom. The intense sensations as we’d writhed together, skin to skin. The way he breathed into my mouth as we peaked together. And then the gentle kisses that had followed as we came down.

I finally understood what all the fuss was about. And we’d barely scratched the surface.

I felt so safe lying there in his arms. It was a nice feeling—one I could definitely get used to. I wanted to savor it as long as possible, but as much as I wanted that moment to last forever, I knew I had to get back before Adam started to worry. I’d already been gone much longer than I’d anticipated.

I slipped out from under him and, with a soft kiss on his lips, stood up.

I picked up my pants, which were inside out with my underwear still tangled in the legs. I freed my briefs and slipped them on, then pulled the legs back through. As I did, my phone fell out of my pocket and clattered to the floor, waking Asher.

He sat up with a jerk and blinked at me as I retrieved my phone.

“You’re leaving?” he asked.

“I can’t spend the night. Adam would kill me.” Speaking of Adam, I glanced down and saw I’d missed several calls and texts from him. “He still might,” I said with a groan.

I shot him a quick text telling him I was fine, we just fell asleep, and I was on my way home.

By the time I’d finished that, Asher was out of bed and had pressed himself against my back. I could feel his boner pressing against my butt.

I twisted to give him a look. “Already?”

“I can’t help it,” he said with a sheepish grin. “You’re just look so hot standing there in your underwear.”

“Down boy,” I replied with a laugh. “If I don’t leave now, Adam will show up here to drag me home.”

“Aren’t you driving his car?”

“He’ll find a way.”

Asher laughed and went to fetch my shirt while I put my pants on. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants as I finished dressing then walked me to the door, where he gave me one more lingering kiss before I left.

I had a lot to think about on the drive home.

 

 

I was not at all looking forward to facing my classmates the next day. I dragged my way through my morning routine even more than usual. I toyed with the idea of playing sick, but I knew Adam would never fall for it. He was right. I had to face them eventually, and maybe it was better to just get it over with. I was too nervous to even think about eating though.

I parked in the student lot and trudged toward school. As I walked, I noticed everyone seemed to be watching me out of the corner of their eye. Although no one said anything to me directly, I suspected they were all talking about me behind my back. I was glad that Kane was by my side, seemingly unfazed, but even with him there, I felt my shoulders begin to hunch.

Suddenly, I remembered what Adam had said about marching in proudly. I immediately stood up straighter and lifted my chin.

I said bye to Kane and made a quick stop by my locker, then I headed toward homeroom. It seemed much further away than it ever had before. At the last minute, I realized I needed to take a detour to the bathroom. I was extremely nervous, a condition made manifest through my bladder.

After I’d relieved myself, I splashed some cool water on my face, then stood staring at my reflection in the mirror. Would I look any different to my classmates now that they all knew I was gay? Would they see me or just another gay boy?

I heard the morning announcements start and glanced down at my watch. I was late to homeroom. I couldn’t put it off any longer.

I opened the door as quietly as possible, but Mrs. Chalk noticed me anyway. “Killian,” she said nervously and everyone in the room turned to look at me. “Why, uh... Why don’t you take your seat?”

It was a struggle to keep my chin up as I crossed the room and slid behind my desk, but I managed.

Once I was settled, Mrs. Chalk began speaking. “Yes, well, er, as you all know, the, uh, assembly is this morning.” She paused and cast an anxious glance in my direction, as if she expected a repeat of my previous day’s performance. I studied the top of my desk, looking for patterns in the faux wood grain. “Go directly to the auditorium after the bell instead of to your usual first-period class.”

I held my breath. Was she actually going to let the episode slide without comment?

“Now, about what happened yesterday...”

I sighed. Of course not. That was too much to hope for.

Mrs. Chalk gave me an uneasy smile. “We understand you’ve been through a lot, so we’re going to make allowances this time. Just don’t let it happen again.”

I blinked. Don’t let it happen again? That was it?

The bell rang, and everyone jumped up and rushed from the room.

“Killian, could I speak to you for a moment?” Mrs. Chalk called.

I’d known it was too good to be true. I approached her apprehensively. I was sure she was about to tell me I had detention or was suspended.

“Killian, I spoke to Dr. Martinez about yesterday’s, er, incident.”

I felt my stomach sinking. Dr. Martinez was our principal. “I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me.”

She smiled nervously. “Under the circumstances, it’s understandable. It’s been stressful for all of us, but even more so for you since you were friends with...the, uh, murdered boy.”

“His name was Seth,” I told her sadly.

“Yes, Seth.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway, while we do understand, your outburst was still inappropriate. You’ve never been in trouble before so, as I said, we’re going to let it go this time. However, you do need to deal with your grief and anger. The school has special grief counselors available right now, and of course there are always our own guidance counselors here for you if you need to talk to someone.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Chalk, but I’m going to be seeing a therapist soon. My, uh, dad is setting it up.”

I hadn’t planned on calling Adam my dad, but the word came out, and my current situation was too complicated to try and explain. Let her assume what she wanted.

“Oh. Well, good. I hope it helps.”

“Thanks.”

“Okay. Well. You’d better get going. You don’t want to miss the, uh...” She petered off awkwardly.

I just nodded, then turned and walked away.

Much to my surprise, Asher was waiting for me in the hall. “Did you get in trouble?” he asked, falling into step beside me.

“Not exactly. She just told me I needed counseling.”

Asher snorted. “I could have told you that.”

I punched him lightly in the arm.

“So are you sure you’re up for this assembly?”

I shrugged. “Do I have a choice?”

“Not really.”

“Then I guess I’m ready.”

“I doubt it’ll be as bad as you think. I heard it’s not really so much about Zack as it is because of Zack.”

“Huh?”

“They’re holding it because he was killed, but it’s not like in his honor or anything.”

We walked into the auditorium, which was rapidly filling up with students.

“Come on.” Asher started toward the stage, where Dr. Martinez stood talking to a young man in a police uniform. Behind them sat the school’s three guidance counselors and the vice principal.

“Uh, can’t we just sit in the back?”

“You want to look like you’re trying to hide? Let’s sit right down in the front row. Show them you have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Although I wasn’t quite convinced, I followed him.

Halfway to the front, someone shoved me roughly. “Fag,” he spat. It was one of the football players. I didn’t know his name.

Before I could respond, Asher spun around and glared at him. “Back off, asshole.”

“Or what?” he sneered.

“Or I’ll report you for harassment. Did you know that it’s illegal here in Maryland? I could get you suspended, maybe even thrown off the team.”

I blinked. I remembered Adam and Steve mentioning that harassment was illegal, but it had completely slipped my mind. How had Asher known about it?

“Students, please take your seats,” Dr. Martinez announced from stage.

The football jock glared at Asher for another moment, then turned and walked away. Asher started for the front of the room once again.

“Where’d you learn that?” I had to hurry to keep up with him.

He shrugged. “I’ve been doing some research.”

“What kind of research?”

“I just wanted to be prepared for idiots like him.”

I mulled that over while we found seats in the front row. We sat down just as Martinez started the assembly.

“As everyone is well aware, we’ve suffered several tragedies already this year. The school has made grief counselors available. They’ll be here for at least another week, longer if we think they are still needed. However, we felt that wasn’t enough. We decided to hold this assembly as a way to allow you all to vent your feelings and emotions. We’ll talk about ways to deal with grief and depression. We also have a representative from the police department here to speak to you about safety. And finally, after our presenters have finished, we’ll take questions. Mrs. Berdan?”

The school’s ancient lead guidance counselor stepped up to the podium and started droning about the stages of grief. I zoned out and thought about how Asher had defended me. He’d even done research. Obviously, he really had made some sort of breakthrough. It almost felt like we’d reversed roles and now he was more comfortable about what was going on than I was. Of course, he wasn’t the one who’d outed himself to the entire school.

After Mrs. Berdan finished her mini-seminar on giving yourself permission to grieve, one of the other guidance counselors lectured us on how to recognize the signs of depression.

Finally, the police officer came forward to tell us about the precautions we could take to avoid being the next murder victim. Of course, he didn’t put it in exactly those terms, but that’s what it boiled down to. He recommended the buddy system.

Asher ran a finger across the back of my hand. “Want to be my buddy?” he whispered with an evil grin.

I bit my lip to keep from laughing, but I couldn’t stop the jump in my pants. I had trouble concentrating on the rest of the officer’s speech.

When he was done, Dr. Martinez stepped back up. “Thank you, Officer Porter. Does anyone have any questions?”

I turned to see hands fly up all over the auditorium. Several teachers were positioned around the room to hand cordless microphones to those with questions.

The first person called on was a freshman from the looks of him. “Is it true that Zack Phillips had crabs all over him when they pulled him out of the water?”

A few girls shrieked as Martinez sputtered. The teacher snatched the mike from the boy’s hand and gave him a dirty look. He sat down sheepishly.

“I cannot comment on the investigation,” Martinez managed between clenched teeth. “Are there any questions that do not involve obscene curiosity about the gory details of Zachary Phillips’s unfortunate death?”

Every hand dropped.

Martinez shook his head. “If there are no further questions, one of your fellow students has asked for a few minutes to speak to you. Asher?”

My mouth fell open as Asher stood up. He gave me a quick wink before vaulting onto the stage, foregoing the steps. Dr. Martinez frowned, but Asher just took his place at the podium. He took an outwardly relaxed stance, but I noticed he was gripping the sides of the podium so tightly that his knuckles had gone white.

What was he up to that was making him so nervous?

“I think everyone knows me,” he said, looking around the room. “I’m Asher Davis, and I’m on the soccer team.”

Several people in the audience cheered. We were the current state champions, and Asher was one of the star players.

Asher grinned, then grew solemn. “I’m not here to talk to you about sports, though. I want to talk about something much more serious. Zack Phillips was my teammate and friend, but he wasn’t the first student to be murdered this year. That was Seth Connelly.”

“Faggot!” someone in the back of the room called out.

Several teachers moved in that direction while Asher went on. “As that moron—” Dr. Martinez cleared his throat, and Asher paused. “As that guy just proved, most of you knew that Seth was gay. He didn’t make any secret of it. What you may not know is that the harassment he faced on a daily basis as a result of his sexuality is illegal. Anyone who called him names or threatened him could have been suspended or even expelled.

“Either Seth didn’t know that, or he decided he could handle it on his own. Seth was also receiving threatening notes, also considered harassment. He didn’t report those, either. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be dead now.”

Many in the audience gasped.

Asher looked out over his fellow students. “It’s possible that Seth was murdered because he was gay. That would make it a hate crime. Imagine being hated for something you have no control over. Imagine being picked on every day because of who you are. Now imagine being killed because of it.

“Many of you sitting out there were among those who bullied Seth. While some of you may not have tormented him yourselves, you probably looked the other way while others did. No one in this room—” he paused and turned to look directly at the faculty on stage “—no one is innocent in Seth’s death. We all participated in creating an environment that allowed something like this to occur.

“That’s why, with the full approval and cooperation of Mr. Martinez, I’m proposing we start a gay/straight alliance in our school. You don’t have to be gay to be a member. You only have to believe that building understanding and tolerance is more important than fostering fear and hate. We’ll be revealing the details of the first meeting during the morning announcements soon. Thank you.”

Asher started to step away from the podium as Martinez came up behind him, but then he spun around and grabbed the mic again.

“Oh, I almost forgot. By now, most of you have probably heard about Killian Kendall’s big announcement yesterday morning in homeroom.”

I felt the eyes of everyone around me turn toward me as I tried to sink down in my seat. I wondered if Adam would appreciate the difference between me announcing I was gay during an assembly and Asher doing it for me.

Asher grinned. “Yeah. I’m his boyfriend.”

For a moment, the auditorium was so quiet you could have heard a mouse fart. Then someone slowly started clapping. Someone else joined in. Soon, the entire place was roaring with applause, whistles, and screams.

Asher couldn’t hide his ear-to-ear grin as he jumped off the stage and dropped down next to me. He took my hand in his and squeezed it. I was still too shocked to even react.

Martinez had to call for quiet several times before he got the room calmed down.

“Thank you, Asher,” he said when he could finally be heard. “As Asher said, I and the faculty fully support the formation of the gay/straight alliance. We, the administration, clearly failed on a very basic level if Seth didn’t trust us enough to come to us for help when he was being harassed. We obviously have a lot of room for improvement, and I am saying publicly before you all that we must do better moving forward. We will do better, starting right now. I am committed to making this school a safe place for all. The well-being of every single student in this school is my top priority. We have a zero-tolerance policy here, and it will be strictly enforced from here on. In fact, the young man who called out that slur just now is hereby suspended, and if there’s a next time, he will be expelled. If you feel you are the victim of harassment based on race, ethnicity, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or disability, report it immediately. I give you my word that it will be taken seriously. Do you all understand?”

Dead silence greeted his question.

“I said, do you all understand?” he repeated more firmly.

“Yes,” the crowd responded weakly.

“I’ll ask one more time and I expect you to convince me this time. Do. You. Understand?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Good. Then, that ends our program for today. Thank you for your cooperation and attention. I expect good things from you. You may return to class.”

The room erupted into excited chatter as I slowly turned to face Asher. “I can’t believe you did that!”

“Me, either.” He grinned. “I’m shaking like a leaf.”

Once he mentioned it, I noticed his hand trembling in mine.

“How long had you been planning that?”

“Well, I started thinking about it after the party last Saturday. I talked to my mom and dad, and they supported me, so I talked to Mr. Martinez on Monday. I’ve been meeting with him in the morning before classes and staying after school every day this week to talk to him about it. He took a little convincing at first—he’s more afraid of all the Christian parents and right-wing nuts than he’d like to admit—but he came around. I mean, legally, they have to allow it as long as we have a teacher to sponsor it, and we do, but it’s a lot easier if you have their support and cooperation.”

“Who the sponsor?”

“Mr. Tatum, of course.”

My drama teacher. Of course, indeed.

I shook my head in wonder. “I can’t believe you.”

“Believe it, baby.”

He jumped up, pulling me with him. A teammate from the soccer team walked by and gave Asher a high five. Right behind him, several girls stopped to tell us how awesome they thought it was that we were brave enough to come out. Soon, we had a small crowd around us, all of them offering support and goodwill. I simply couldn’t believe what was happening. I felt as if I were in a dream, but it was a good one for a change.

I looked around and saw Dr. Martinez watching us with a thoughtful expression. It occurred to me that I’d badly misjudged him. I’d seen him as the enemy when he could have been an ally this entire time in my search for Seth’s killer. Maybe he still could be.

“I’ll be right back,” I whispered in Asher’s ear and left him to his circle of admirers.

“Dr. Martinez, could I speak to you for a moment,” I said.

“Of course, Killian. In fact, I’d like to start by apologizing.”

That caught me off guard. “For what?”

“I should have reached out sooner, checked on you when you returned to school after the stabbing. I had good intentions, but we all know where those lead.”

“It’s okay. I know I’m just one of many students.”

“While that’s true, not all of my students get stabbed.” He frowned and added, “Usually. At any rate, I apologize.”

“Apology accepted. And actually, I wanted to ask you a question about Seth. I know you said you couldn’t comment on an active investigation, but I was hoping you were aware that the killer is most likely a student here.”

Martinez’s face grew guarded. “You’re right I can’t comment on that, but what makes you think that?”

“I just think it’s the most likely scenario, don’t you? Between the threats left in Seth’s locker, the fact that Seth wrote in his journal about a student harassing him here at school on the day he died, and now that Zack was also killed at a party attended by nothing but high school students, it just adds up.”

Dr. Martinez searched my face for a moment before responding. “You’ve certainly put a lot of thought into this.”

“The killer did stab me.”

“Yes, I suppose he did.”

“It’s a lot to deal with, knowing I’m possibly going to school with the person who almost killed me, passing him in the hall every day. You just said you were committed to our safety. I have to tell you, I don’t feel very safe.”

His jaw tightened, but all he said was, “I can certainly understand that, but I assure you, we’re doing everything we can to ensure your safety, at least while you are on school grounds. We’re also cooperating with the police.”

“Now that they’re taking it seriously, you mean? Did they even come talk to you after Seth was killed?”

“I can’t say.”

“What about the notes?”

“Killian, please understand that I have to be very careful what I say...”

“Can you at least tell me if they have any leads? The notes were a big clue. Please?”

He sighed. “All I can tell you is they searched the data files on the school printers and the notes do not appear to have been printed here. They also recently confiscated the video footage of the hall where Seth’s locker was located, but there are many hours of footage, and I believe they are still reviewing it. It’s entirely possible it won’t reveal anything. If the person or people involved were clever enough, they would be aware of the cameras. That’s really all I know.”

I deflated a little. I don’t know what I was hoping for, but it was clear I wouldn’t be finding any proverbial smoking guns here. There were no easy answers.

I nodded. “Okay. Thanks anyway, Dr. Martinez.”

His expression softened. “You’re a good kid, Killian,” he said as a gentle smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. “And so is Asher. I expect big things from you both. Please be careful.”

I smiled back. “I will. I always am.”

I turned, thinking that probably wasn’t entirely—or maybe even remotely—true, when I spotted someone standing at the back of the auditorium, glaring in my direction.

Jake.

My heart skipped a beat as I realized how he must have felt hearing about Asher and me in that way. I immediately headed toward him.

“Hey,” I started as I approached him.

“You couldn’t even tell me to my face?” he snapped, cutting me off.

“I’m sorry. I had no idea—”

“God, I was so wrong about you. You’re just a self-centered jerk.”

“Jake, just listen—”

“No, you listen. Stay the hell away from me and my family or you’ll be sorry.”

I bit my lip as I watched him storm away. What a life-changing day. Asher had officially outed us as a couple, announced the formation of a gay/straight alliance, and ensured that the school would enforce their nondiscrimination policy.

Unfortunately, one simple fact overshadowed all else. I’d lost a friend and gained an enemy.