Bleeding Hearts - 6. Chapter 6

I had a vague impression that someone looked in on me at one point, but the next time I awoke, the sun was streaming brightly through the windows in my room. It seemed the storm had passed while I slept through the night. I looked at the clock and gasped. It was almost noon. I must have been more worn out than I had thought.

I sat up and winced at the pain. I fought my way to my feet, then almost fell back onto my bed with a shriek of surprise.

Asher was sitting on my floor reading one of my Nancy Drew mysteries.

Usually, I would have been embarrassed that he’d found them, but I was so surprised to find him there that it didn’t cross my mind. He was wearing jeans and a white hoodie that lay in sharp contrast against his dark skin. With his loosely curled, dark-brown hair catching the light just right, he seemed to glow in the sunlight that shone on him like a spotlight. He looked like an angel smiling up at me.

“Good morning, Rip Van Winkle,” he greeted me. “I was starting to think you were never going to wake up. I’ve read like half this book while I waited. It’s actually pretty good. I think I know who did it.”

“How’d you get in here?”

“Your mom let me in. I’ve been here for about an hour. By the way, she had to leave to do some chores. She asked me to keep an eye on you, so I did.” He grinned up at me. God, he was cute when he grinned. “You need some help getting into the bathroom?”

“I think I can handle it. I can walk, you know.”

He still hadn’t stopped grinning. “Barely.”

I ignored him and headed for the bathroom, grabbing the bandage basket on my way. After taking care of necessities, I decided a bath was in order. At the very least, it would make Asher have to wait that much longer. Maybe he’d go home before I got out. I stripped down and carefully took off the bandages while the water ran.

Usually, I preferred showers, but that was a little more than I could manage with my injury. I had to wash carefully around the wound. If any soap got in it, it stung like crazy. On the bright side, I thought it looked a little better than it had before, less red and irritated. Maybe I’d be able to get the stitches removed before much longer.

As I climbed out of the tub, I realized I hadn’t brought any clothes with me. I’d have to go back to my room in just a towel, something I wasn’t especially looking forward to. Then again, after Asher had seen me in wet boxer briefs the night before, a towel wasn’t that bad.

Somehow, I wasn’t surprised to find Asher waiting for me. However, I was surprised to find him propped up on my bed, still reading. “Make yourself at home, why don’t you,” I said dryly.

“Thanks, I will.” He grinned again as he glancing up at me. I was gratified to see his eyes widen at my state of undress. He let out a wolf whistle. “Looking good.”

I stuck my tongue out at him and went over to get clothes from my dresser.

“Are you still being shy? You really shouldn’t be worried about your body, Kill.” He got off the bed, came up behind me, and poked me in the ribs. “You have a natural definition. You don’t even need to work out.”

I blushed. “I’m just skinny.”

He bent to examine my wound. “It looks a lot better this morning.” He lightly ran his fingers around it, sending chills coursing through my body.

He’s off limits, I reminded myself sharply.

“Must be my magic touch,” he continued. “Sit down and I’ll put the bandages back on it for you.”

“I, uh, left them in the bathroom.” His closeness was starting to get to me, and I was fighting to keep myself under control. I still didn’t know what to make of his sudden interest.

While Asher went to get the bandages, I quickly pulled on a clean pair of underwear.

“Okay,” he said when he returned. “Have a seat. The doctor will see you now.”

I chuckled as I perched on the edge of the bed. I had to admit, it was nice getting so much attention—weird, since it was coming from Asher, but nice. I hadn’t been that happy since before—

I felt my face fall with the thought of Seth. How could I be laughing and having fun when he had been murdered?

“You’re thinking about Seth again, aren’t you?” Asher asked, suddenly serious.

I nodded.

Asher pulled the tube of salve out of the basket and squeezed some around the stitches. “You can’t be sad forever, Kill. You’re hurting now because he’s gone, and it just happened so that’s to be expected, but you don’t have to be sad all the time. I mean, I hardly knew him, but I doubt he would have wanted that.”

“No, he wouldn’t.” I sighed. “It’s just...it isn’t right that he could be murdered in cold blood and no one even cares. No one seems to be trying to catch the killer. I could have been killed, too.”

Asher looked up at me from where he had knelt on the floor. “I know,” he murmured almost under his breath. Then he went on a little louder, “I’m sure the police are trying to catch the guy. They’re saying it was just a mugging. They’ll catch him eventually.”

“What if it wasn’t just a mugging?”

He stopped and looked at me intently. “What do you mean?”

“What if Seth was murdered on purpose?”

“Why would anyone want to kill Seth?”

“Because he was gay.”

Asher looked shocked. “But that’s not a reason—”

“We both know it is to some people.”

He was quiet for a few seconds, a troubled look on his face. “Then why stab you?”

I paused for a moment, then rushed on, hoping he wouldn’t catch my hesitation. “Maybe I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I walked up while the killer was still there, and he simply reacted.” I paused again. “And there’s more. I think...I think the killer recognized me.”

“What? How do you know?”

“He kind of stopped when he saw who I was. He was going to kill me, too, but then he got a good look at me and just froze. He said ‘Shit,’ jumped up, and ran.”

Asher sat back onto the floor, his eyes wide. “Are you sure? I mean, there was a lot going on. Maybe you’re just confused.”

I shook my head. “No. I remember what happened very clearly.”

“Did you get a look at him?”

“No, the police said he was wearing a mask.”

“That’s scary, Kill, but it doesn’t mean Seth was killed because he was gay. Maybe the mugger knew you.”

“How many muggings have there been around here? I can’t remember a single one ever. Besides, I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I was there. Call it intuition, call it a hunch—I don’t know what it is exactly, I just know that it wasn’t a random mugging.”

Asher sat in silence for a minute, then got back up on his knees and reached for the bandage. “If you’ve thought so much about it, who do you think it was?”

“I don’t know...I haven’t really gotten to that part of it yet.”

“Well, anyway, arms up.” As soon as I’d complied, he started winding the bandage around me.

While he wrapped, I considered his question. Who could it have been? That was the obvious first question, but it wasn’t something I really wanted to think about. I didn’t have much choice, though. I had to think about whether I wanted to or not. The first person to pop into my mind was Zack. I remembered his threat earlier the same day. He’d said that I’d be sorry —and my boyfriend, too, and we all knew he meant Seth. Then I thought of Asher and his words that day last week in this same room: “If he hurt you, I’ll kill him.” My body stiffened involuntarily under Asher’s touch.

He noticed right away. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s nothing.” I paused. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure. You know you can ask me anything.”

“Why are you being so nice to me all of a sudden?”

He didn’t answer at first. He just finished up the bandaging job, then sat back on his heels, leaving his hands still resting lightly on my sides. He kept his eyes turned down, not looking at me. “I told you before.”

“Tell me again.”

He took a deep breath. “When I thought I was losing you as a friend to Seth, I realized how much you mean to me. And then you started acting so different—I wasn’t sure what was going on. You were always snapping at people and getting mad and yelling. It wasn’t like you, so I got worried.” He glanced up to see if I was listening, then quickly looked away again. “I didn’t really like what Zack and Jesse were saying and all, but it was just easier to go along with them like always. I figured you were just going through a phase and things would be back to normal soon. When you got hurt, though, it really scared me. I realized that I had almost lost you— I mean, lost the chance to tell you— I mean—”

“Tell me what?”

He sat there for a second, then looked back up at me. “Did you love Seth?”

“What?”

“Were you in love with Seth?”

I couldn’t believe he’d asked me that. In essence, he was questioning if I was gay. “No!” I answered truthfully. “I wasn’t in love with Seth. I barely knew him.”

He heaved an enormous sigh, and relief flooded into his eyes.

What was going on? “Why would you ask me that?”

His eyes seemed to bore into mine. Suddenly, he leaned forward again and kissed me softly on the lips.

Time seemed to slow down. In the few seconds our lips were pressed together, I had a whole conversation in my head.

Does this mean Asher is gay? Well, duh! Straight guys generally don’t kiss their male friends on the lips like this. Not unless they are in the Mafia, and I’m pretty sure Asher isn’t. Why didn’t he ever tell me? Maybe for the same reason I didn’t tell him. Then again, I didn’t know until last week really. Although, on some level, I suppose I’ve always known in my heart. There’s no denying how great this feels. Nothing has ever felt more right than Asher kissing me.

Wait a minute! Asher is kissing me!

With that last thought, I jerked back and stared wide-eyed at Asher. He slowly sat back on his heels, his eyes never leaving mine. In them, I could read both the fear of rejection and the depth of his feelings. For a long moment neither of us spoke.

Finally, I pulled myself together. “You kissed me.” My voice was shaky and a little hoarse, as if I’d just woken up.

“I-I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. It’s just... I’ve been thinking about it ever since I read that letter...”

“Wait. What letter?”

“Seth’s letter. I know I shouldn’t have read—”

I had completely forgotten about the letter. What if Dad had found it? “Where is it now?” I asked with a hint of panic.

“Huh?”

“The letter! Where is it now?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter, a little the worse for wear, crumpled and folded, but safe from my father. He handed it to me.

I was very glad Asher had been the one to find it, especially considering what had just happened.

“I don’t understand. Why do you have it?”

“When I went downstairs yesterday to get the bandages it was just lying on the couch. I grabbed it and stuck it in my pocket and then I guess I forgot about it. I found it when I got home and... I read it. I’m sorry.” He stopped and seemed to be searching for what to say. He took a deep breath. “Killian, I’ve liked you for years.”

“You’ve what?” I yelped.

“Just let me finish. I need to say this. I’ve always known I was gay, ever since I can remember. But who was I going to tell? Zack? Jesse? No way! I was even afraid to tell you, even though I kinda always thought you might be, too. Then, when you started hanging out with Seth, I started to think that either you definitely were gay and you liked him, or you weren’t but you didn’t care about him being gay, and either way maybe you wouldn’t care about me.

“And then when you were almost killed... Fuck. I was so scared, Kill. I made a promise that if you lived, I’d tell you the truth. I even went to the hospital, but they wouldn’t let me see you. After that, I lost my nerve for a while, I convinced myself it was a sign. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.

“When I saw you out in the rain yesterday, all I could think about was getting to you. I knew you needed me. But it also kind of hurt ‘cuz I thought you must have really been in love with Seth to be so upset. I was jealous of him, Kill. I wanted to be with you, and he comes in and steals you away, or at least that’s what it felt like.

“And then I found that letter and I was more confused than ever. Seth said he kissed you, but you were angry, so maybe you weren’t gay after all. But...there was something about the way you looked at me yesterday when we are alone up here in your room. I don’t know. I just...felt something. And after I read that Seth kissed you, I couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you. And then you were there, and we were so close, and it felt right...so I did it. I kissed you. But I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have. Please don’t hate me.”

He seemed to run out of words, so he just sat there staring at me hopefully. I wasn’t sure what he expected, however. I wasn’t sure what I felt. I needed time to think.

“Ash,” I began, speaking slowly and deliberately, “I need some time to figure stuff out. All I can tell you right now is, yes, I am gay. No, I didn’t love Seth. Not in that way, at least not yet. Maybe if we’d had more time...”

“But you don’t like me.”

“Ash, I didn’t say that. I just meant—”

“It’s okay, Killian,” he interrupted. “I understand. Why would you want me? I’m just a dumb jock who treated you like shit.” He stood up and started for the door.

“Asher, wait!” I pushed myself off of the bed, ignoring the pain, and grabbed his arm. He stopped but kept his gaze on the floor. I reached up and lifted his head until he was looking me in the eye, then I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him softly on the lips.

“Asher, right now I don’t know what I want. I do like you. I... I guess I have for a long time. It’s not that at all. It’s just...” I growled in frustration. “I don’t know how to explain it to you. I need more time. So much has happened so fast, and there’s a lot going on right now. My head is spinning. I mean, Seth hasn’t even been buried yet.”

Asher nodded, pulling gently away from me. “I guess I understand. I’ll try to be patient.” He paused. “Maybe I shouldn’t even tell you this, but he was buried already, back up around Baltimore somewhere.”

“What? Why didn’t anyone let me know?”

“They probably didn’t want to upset you.”

“That’s not fair! He was my friend. I would have wanted to be there.”

“You weren’t exactly in the best shape.”

“That’s not the point. I should have been told.”

“Well, there’s some sort of memorial service this afternoon. I read online that his dad wanted to have a service down here, too.” He looked at his watch. “Actually, it’s in like one hour.”

I made a split-second decision. “I want to go. Will you take me?”

“I dunno, Killian. Maybe that’s not such a good idea. I mean, everyone’s talking already because you were with him in the park and all.”

“Please? It would mean so much to me. I need to go. It would be kind of like a chance to say goodbye.”

He stared at me for a minute, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, okay. I’ll take you. And I’ll stay with you, too, so I can take you home afterward. We’ll leave a note for your mom. You need to put something on, though. You can’t go in just your underwear.”

We spent the next forty-five minutes getting ready. First, we dressed me—it was a two-person job—then he ran next door to change. I sat on my front steps waiting for him, which gave me a few precious minutes to think—the first I’d had since Asher’s big revelation.

I still wasn’t sure how I felt about Asher. I knew I liked him, but did I trust him enough to give him what he seemed to want from me? My heart screamed yes, but my head was a little more cautious. Especially troubling was the nagging thought in the back of my mind that Asher might be the attacker. He’d admitted he was jealous of Seth and felt as if Seth was taking me away from him.

Then there were his words that day in my room kept echoing through my head over and over: “If he hurt you, I’ll kill him.” I honestly couldn’t believe that about him, but there was still some lingering doubt holding me back. Maybe I just didn’t want to admit that someone I’d known forever could be a killer.

If I really thought he was the kind of person who could murder someone in cold blood, though, then why was I getting in a car alone with him?

I pushed the thought from my mind and remembered what else he’d said. Everyone was talking about me being at the park that night with Seth. I knew the high-school grapevine was vicious, but that seemed a bit much. Someone had almost killed me. I was barely out of the hospital, and I was already the new juicy piece of gossip. Did they suspect I was gay? I wasn’t sure I was ready to deal with being out at school. I was still coming to terms with it myself.

Finally, Asher came back out dressed almost identically to me, all in black. He looked a whole lot sexier, however—at least in my opinion.

“What?” he asked me.

I tore my gaze away from him and tried to remember why we were dressed like that. I felt guilty for finding myself so attracted to one friend while on my way to the funeral of another. “Nothing,” I mumbled.

“No, tell me. Should I go change? Do I look stupid?”

“Definitely not. Let’s go, we’re gonna be late.”

The memorial service was being held at the same park where I’d found Seth, of all places. I was scared about going back, but I tried to tell myself that it was broad daylight and Asher would be with me. I’d never even been to a memorial service or a funeral before. I wasn’t sure what to expect.

When we arrived at the park, there were hardly any other cars. As we approached the pavilion where the service was to take place, I could just about count on one hand the number of people who had shown up to remember Seth. I recognized Adam Connelly, Seth’s dad, standing next to a handsome dark-haired man with a mustache around his same age. Adam was talking to a man wearing a black suit and a clerical collar who I assumed must be the minister or priest or whatever. I didn’t know any of the other people there.

Adam noticed us as we approached. He broke away from the minister and walked toward us, the handsome man with him following a few steps behind.

“Killian, thank you for coming.” He embraced me gently, being careful of my injury. “You should be at home recuperating, but I appreciate your being here. I’m glad there will be at least one person present besides Steve and me who cared about Seth.” He turned to the man who had followed him over and motioned him forward.

“Killian, this is Steve Redden, my boyfriend. Steve, this is Killian Kendall. He was Seth’s friend.”

I shook Steve’s hand and exchanged pleasantries.

“This is my friend, Asher Davis,” I said, and another round of handshaking ensued.

“Did you know Seth, too?” Steve asked.

Asher looked flustered. “No, sir. I didn’t really get the chance. I brought Killian.”

“Thank you for coming anyway,” Adam said with a sad smile.

As hard as I tried to ignore it, the path to the pond drew my attention like a magnet. Memories of the last time I was there flickered through my mind as if I were watching an old filmstrip. I began to feel a little lightheaded.

“Come on.” Adam gently took my arm. “You’re looking a bit pale. You need to have a seat. Are you sure you should even be here?”

“I’m fine,” I assured him, although I wasn’t at all certain I was.

With Adam on one side, Asher on the other, and Steve trailing behind, I felt a little like an invalid as we approached the pavilion. I scanned the gathering again and saw it had grown to maybe fifteen people while we talked. I suspected a few of them at least were plainclothes cops and reporters. It seemed so wrong that such a good person had been struck down so young, yet more people weren’t there to mourn his loss.

A sudden macabre thought occurred to me, causing a chill to run along my spine. What if his killer was one of those people present, pretending to mourn for the very life he had taken?

Asher noticed the shiver and leaned closer to whisper into my ear, “Are you okay?”

I didn’t answer him. I’d just noticed a familiar face toward the back of the group of would-be mourners. I stopped cold. Steve almost ran into me from behind.

What was my father doing there?

Political posturing most likely—it was, after all, an election year and a kid had been murdered in his county. I didn’t know if he had noticed me yet, but then he slowly turned and locked eyes with me. He glared with an intensity that frightened me. I knew the fight I had been avoiding since the hospital was imminent. I only hoped he’d have the decency not to start it during Seth’s memorial service.

I deliberately looked away, deciding I wouldn’t let him distract me from the reason I was there. I would have to deal with my father later, but for now, this was about Seth.

Adam insisted Asher and I sit in the front row with him and Steve. I felt very conspicuous, and I could tell Asher was uncomfortable as well, but we couldn’t exactly say no.

Once we had taken our seats, the minister stepped forward to the podium. For a second, a table set off to one side distracted me. Dozens of framed photographs, all of Seth, covered its surface. Many of them were the ones I had seen at his house, but there were some new ones, too.

“We are here today for a very somber purpose—” The minister’s words brought my attention back to him. “—to remember a young man whose life was cut off before his time. Seth David Connelly was only sixteen when he was killed in a senseless and tragic act of violence. Perhaps we will never understand what provoked such a horrible event, but we may rest assured that Seth is no longer in a world filled with hate and prejudice. I am sorry to say I did not know Seth very well personally, so I am going to keep my comments brief today to allow you time to remember Seth in your own special ways.”

He read a brief passage from the Bible, something about God wiping away our tears and no more death or mourning.

I’d mostly stopped listening at that point, lost in my own memories of Seth. I snapped back to the present when Adam stood up and moved to take the minister’s place. He stood there for a minute without saying a word, gripping the podium as if it were the only thing holding him up. I thought he was going to break down, but he fought for control.

“My son was taken from me last week by an act of violence so horrible that it sickens me every time I think about it. Most of you here didn’t even know him. You only came because your editor or superior sent you. You’re just doing your job. Well, let me introduce you to my son. Seth David Connelly was a beautiful, brilliant, clever, and compassionate sixteen-year-old. He enjoyed running on the beach. He liked writing poetry. Though he did well in all his classes, theater was his favorite. He loved acting. He wanted to be an actor, but now he’ll never get that chance.”

He choked up and dropped his head. When he raised it again, his eyes were bright with unshed tears, but he was once more in control. I admired his strength.

“There is so much I could tell you about my son. He was one of the greatest joys of my life. Due to circumstances beyond our control, we didn’t see each other for three years. I only recently got him back, and now he’s gone forever. Nothing will ever be able to fill the void his death has left in my world.”

He took a deep breath. “But I haven’t told you something very important about my son. It’s only important because it was important to him. He was gay. He wasn’t afraid or ashamed of it either, even though he had suffered so much in his young life because of it. He was a hero to me. He should have been a hero to all of us. He had the courage to accept himself.

“He saw things with his poet’s heart. To him the world was always beautiful and exciting, he found deep meaning in even the most chance of encounters. He trusted people. We moved to this town in the hope of finding a safe place to live. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s even more ironic that this town, which prides itself on being welcoming, so totally rejected my son. In fact, there was only one person at his whole school who would even speak to him without calling him names and insulting him. To me, this person is also a hero.” Adam looked at me with a sad, teary-eyed smile. “Thank you.”

Adam looked around the small gathering, purposefully making eye contact with each person there. Most wouldn’t hold his gaze. When he reached Dad, he paused. Dad stared back unblinking and stone-faced. “I want to leave you with this thought. The police and our State’s Attorney, who was kind enough to come today, have been quick to tell us that Seth’s death was a random mugging gone wrong. But I want you all to ask yourself this: Based on what evidence? All his money was still in his wallet, his cell phone in his pocket. There has never been another mugging at this park. So far, they haven’t put forth a single suspect. Why?

“I believe this was a hate crime, pure and simple. Seth had been receiving threatening notes at school. When I told the police about it, they wrote the notes off as childish pranks. Well, I’m sorry, but I don’t think having your throat slit is childish.” Several people gasped, and Adam seemed to be struggling for control again. “Nothing can bring Seth back at this point, but we can ensure that he gets justice. And that’s my challenge to all of the reporters and police officers here today. Make sure Seth gets the justice he deserves.” He turned to the memorial table, kissed his fingers and held them out toward the photographs. “Goodbye, Seth. I love you!”

Adam took his seat and began to weep softly. Steve pulled him against his chest and allowed Adam to cry on his shoulder. No one moved for what seemed like an eternity. Then the minister slowly walked back up to the podium. “Does anyone have anything they would like to say in memory of Seth?” He almost sounded as if he hoped not. Again, another eternity seemed to pass. No one dared even move. It was as though they were holding their collective breath.

Just as the minister cleared his throat to give some final words, I stood up. Every eye was fastened on me, including the furious glare of my father. I looked him straight in the eye before turning to Adam.

“I am truly sorry for your loss, Mr. Connelly...Adam. It’s not just your loss, though. It’s the loss of every person who never got the chance to know Seth. I didn’t know him for very long, only two weeks really, but he was my friend. He was a truly good person, and that’s something we don’t have enough of in this world. He helped me realize a few things that I’d been blind to for a long time. I’ll miss him.”

I collapsed back into my seat and bit my lip. I had a feeling that speech would come back to bite me in the ass, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I felt Asher’s hand fumble discreetly with mine for a second. He slipped his into mine, holding it below the sight of the people sitting behind us. It was not, however, out of the minister’s sight. He looked at us in surprise before once again clearing his throat.

“Well, if there’s no one else, I’d like to thank you all on behalf of the family for coming out to show your respects. Donations may be made in Seth’s memory to the theater club at the high school.” He said a quick prayer, then hurried away. I imagined it was one of his more unusual services.

At the minister’s dismissal, the crowd quickly dispersed. My father shot me a lethal look as he left. Soon, it was just Adam, Steve, Asher, and I.

“So you don’t think it was a mugger either?” I asked Adam quietly.

“Either?” He raised one eyebrow in an appraising look.

“I didn’t believe that from the beginning,” I told him. “But what can we do?”

“We can’t do anything,” Adam replied firmly. “There’s not much anyone can do at this point. I was thinking about hiring a private detective, but the few I’ve contacted so far turned me down cold. They said this isn’t some television show where private detectives run around with guns. They mostly just do insurance work and spy on cheating spouses. They told me to drop it and let the cops handle it.” Bitterness crept into his voice. “Who cares if they sweep it under a rug?”

We both sighed at the same time.

“Maybe I can ask some questions around school,” I suggested.

“Are you crazy?” Asher jumped in.

“Asher’s right,” Adam agreed. “That wouldn’t be safe, Killian. We’re talking about a murderer here. He killed Seth and he tried to kill you.”

“No, he didn’t try to kill me. If he’d wanted to kill me, I would be dead. He had the opportunity, and he didn’t take it.”

“Whoa. Hold on a second,” Steve interjected. “Two things there. One, you say ‘he.’ Do you know for sure your attacker was a man?”

“I don’t have any real proof, but I’m pretty sure it was a man. I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’ve remembered some things that I think rule out a woman. The person felt solid, and I don’t remember feeling breasts. And they were strong. I guess it could have been a well-built teenage boy, too, but he seemed bigger than I am, but then I’m on the small side, so just about anyone could wrestle me to the ground, especially since he caught me by surprise. I was too busy fighting for my life to get a more precise idea of his size. I never really heard his voice because he just whispered. He...he was wearing a stocking on his head so I couldn’t see his face in the dark.” I almost choked up as the horrible memories came flooding back.

“I’m sorry to make you relive all this,” Steve apologized.

I took a deep breath and managed to pull myself together enough to continue. “It’s okay. It’s important that I remember.”

“Was there anything besides his size that made you think it was a man?”

I took another deep breath. “He just smelled like a man. You know what I mean?”

Steve nodded. “I think I do.”

“Jeez, Killian. You sound like a friggin’ detective.” There was a note of respect in Asher’s voice.

Steve smiled. “He’s right. You’re doing great. What did you mean he had the opportunity and didn’t take it?”

“After he stabbed me, he flipped me over and raised his arm to stab me again, but when he saw me, he said ‘shit’ and ran away.”

“And you told the police this?” Adam asked.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked. “Weren’t you questioned?”

“I don’t remember. I even asked the doctor at the hospital if I should give a report to the police, and he laughed at me. He said they didn’t need one and that I’d told them I didn’t see my attacker when they brought me in, but I don’t remember anything after I passed out at the park. I couldn’t have been very coherent if I was even awake.”

“What kind of investigation is this?” Steve shook his head in disgust.

“It’s not an investigation,” Adam snarled. “It’s a cover-up.”

“Come on, Adam,” Steve said gently. “Don’t go all conspiracy theorist on us. It’s just small-town-police ineptness.”

“This police force is anything but inept,” Adam retorted. “I looked into it before I decided to move us down here. For a small department, they have an excellent record. They aren’t Keystone Cops. They’re well-trained professionals.”

“They don’t have many murders here, though. It could just be a case of being out of their depth.”

“Or it could be a case of no one caring about the dead gay boy.”

“You said something about threatening notes?” I interrupted, in an attempt to head off an argument that seemed to be heading down a well-worn path.

“Yes.” Adam rubbed his face. “There were three, each was printed from a computer, which makes them virtually untraceable. They wouldn’t have really led to anyone, but still, it would have been nice if the police had at least taken the notes somewhat seriously and not just dismissed them out of hand. They didn’t even take them as evidence. The notes were nasty, hateful. They said things like ‘God hates fags,’ and “Burn in hell,” and ‘Go away. We don’t want queers here.’”

“The police did say that if the notes had been more explicit death threats, they would have taken them into consideration,” Steve chipped in.

“How did Seth get them?” I asked.

“They were stuffed into his locker at school.”

“So it had to be someone our age!” I exclaimed. “See, you do need my help. Where else can you get inside information from school? I was Seth’s only friend. It’ll be natural for me to be asking questions.”

“It’s not safe, Killian.” Asher sounded a little worried. He’d been quiet for so long I had almost forgotten he was there.

“Well, actually,” Steve began as we all turned to look at him, “if you just stick to general questions, it can’t hurt anything. It’s not likely to be anything more than a mugging, but on the off chance it is, I doubt the killer will do anything to hurt Killian if they didn’t when they had their chance the first time. Meanwhile, if asking questions will help make you two feel better about the whole thing, then I say why not?”

We all sat in silence for a few minutes thinking about Steve’s suggestion.

Finally, Adam nodded. “Okay. If you promise to be careful and not do anything needlessly risky or obvious, you can ask some questions. We should stay in contact about this. You still have my number?”

I nodded. “I saved it in my phone.”

Adam turned to Asher. “Please keep an eye on him. If anything happened to either one of you, I don’t think I could live with myself.”

Asher didn’t look happy at the turn of events, but he nodded begrudgingly.

“Killian is looking a bit tired,” Steve observed. “Maybe you should get him home, Asher.”

“Yeah, I am feeling a little drained,” I admitted. “Although I can’t say I’m looking forward to dealing with my father when I get home. You should be able to hear the fireworks from the other side of town. I still can’t believe he came.”

“I have to say, I was surprised to see him myself,” Adam said.

“It’s an election year,” I joked halfheartedly.

“I hope I didn’t make things worse with those remarks about the State’s Attorney...”

“Don’t worry. What you said will be totally overshadowed by the fact that I was here at all.”

“You don’t think he’ll do anything...violent, do you?”

I shrugged. I really didn’t know what to expect.

“Killian,” Adam began, his voice deadly serious, “I know I said this before, but I mean it. If you need me for anything—and I do mean anything—I hope you’ll call me. I couldn’t be there for Seth when he needed me most. I hope you’ll let me be there for you.”

We all stood up and exchanged hugs. After a round of goodbyes, Asher and I started off for home.

We didn’t talk much during the drive. We both had a lot on our minds. When we arrived at my house, Dad’s car was parked next to Mom’s in the driveway. Asher pulled in behind hers and turned off the engine. We sat there in silence for a few minutes, neither of us wanting to face what was waiting for us inside.

“Do you ever wonder why you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?” I asked no one in particular.

Asher, being the wise person he was, chose not to answer. He just got out of the car and came around to help me. We approached the front door with more than a little trepidation. Before he opened it, Asher wrapped his arms around me for a brief hug.

We barely closed the door when Dad entered the hallway, Mom a few steps behind him. I could tell by the look on her face that this wasn’t going to be pretty.

I braced myself for the barrage.