The Best Year - 28. Chapter 28

“Shit, I better hit the road, I scheduled the pool for tonight,” I sent after pulling my eyes away from the tiny screen for the first time in hours. I wasn’t running on a whole lot of sleep, Luke and I had talked away the entire night and most of the next day. He still had to hang out with Cindy some during the day and meet with his teacher. Being grounded and Cindy not knowing that Luke had a brand new toy, allowed him more time to text than he probably would have if Cindy hadn’t started holding him captive in his house.

It was something that I liked to think about when we weren’t talking. Getting him a little freedom from her schedule and feeling like I finally got one up on her felt good. I didn’t really want to get out into the cold and drive all the way to the Center knowing it would just be me swimming tonight. Charlie and I had scheduled to work together on open days since we both had the most conditioning to work on with our newer events added this year. We had the most to work on with the upcoming championships in early Spring.

“Okay,” he responded and I sighed as I stood from my bed and stretched heading out of my bedroom flipping the light off as I went.

“Look who finally came out,” Dad said over the top of his reading glasses. He was reading over some file, probably from one of his patients. Mom was sitting across from him on the couch looking over what looked like floor plans to the factory. “Of his bedroom, I mean.”

“Funny,” I groaned as he smiled and readjusted his glasses. “I have the pool tonight, I better get going.”

“Be careful,” Mom said, “I don’t like the idea of you swimming alone.”

“I’ll be alright,” I said reaching down to scratch absently at my stomach as my face flushed. I hated when Mom did her worrying thing. “See you later.”

Heading out the door, I shivered and hunkered down against the cold evening. There wasn’t a hint of snow in the air though, just black stillness and a light that made everything look washed out and grey. I really hated this time of year, the deadness of it, I was always more of a summer guy.

Rushing to my car, I quickly slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door behind me. There was already a rim of frost around the edges of the windshield. Turning the key, I started the car and jumped when a blast of cold air hit me squarely in the face. Forgetting to turn the heat down before getting out the last time, I swore under my breath and turned dials down until the car got warmed back up.

The drive over to the Center though, felt like second nature by now. I found myself surprised at times that I was pulling into the parking lot, not really concentrating on the trip it took to get there. My mind hummed with everything that Luke and I talked about since Mom got him the phone. I didn’t even take credit for it, but he promised he liked the socks, enough times to make me realize that he was probably just being nice. The place was empty and I frowned at the dark front foyer in front of me as I slipped off my seatbelt and grabbed my swimming bag. I hated feeling like a chicken, sitting out here in the car under the sidewalk lights. Swearing I opened the door and closed it quickly behind me. I didn’t waste any time jogging to the front door. Fumbling with the keys until I found the one that opened the front doors, I slid it in and turned it. Inside, I flipped on the lights already smelling the familiar smell of chlorine and waxed bleachers.

Once inside the pool area, the glassy stillness of the water always made me smile. There was nothing that compared with an empty pool where no one else would be causing waves or splashing water next to you. I always felt like I could focus better, although having someone to fill the silence of the large aquatic center would have been better. The place still didn’t quite feel like the YMCA, I doubted it ever would. There I would feel completely at home, despite the shortcomings a smaller public pool provided. I still had my key to the YMCA on my keyring, but I doubted it worked. The Y’s managers liked to change the locks every now and again just as a security precaution, but Derek’s Dad would always have me a new one ready. I had almost called him after Charlie cancelled to come in and watch me, but didn’t want to explain to him how Tony’s center looked eerie at night swimming alone. There was just some things my eighteen year old ass just wouldn’t ever admit to and that was one of them.

Walking into the locker room, I stripped out of my clothes, layer after layer until I stood naked. Then I unzipped my bag and pulled out my practice racing shorts and pulled them up over me. After grabbing my goggles, cap, and a pile of towels from the towel cubby by the exit. I walked back to the pool, goosebumps forming on my skin. The concrete and the water never really allowed the heat to take hold, but I didn’t dread the water, over the years I had come to like the chill of it.

Diving into the middle lane, preferring the middle of the pool since it allowed me to escape the waves and slosh that I caused as I swam I started my warm up laps. Getting my heartrate and breathing up, made the water feel relaxing and I was able to zone out my nagging loneliness and concentrate.

I was on my tenth warm up lap, usually my last one before I slid onto the side wall and rested for a moment, when a loud splash erupted from my left a couple of lanes away. Startled, air flew out of my mouth in an unmanly underwater scream and I gulped in water before I grabbed hold of the lane ropes and pulled myself up swearing as I coughed and retched up water.

“What the fuck,” I swore seeing a figure in the pool. Pulling off my goggles when I heard laughing I saw Luke, holding onto his own lane ropes like he was holding onto the only thing keeping him alive. Frowning as I swam over, catching my breath I pulled myself up to sit on the wall beside the starting block at the start of my lane. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said doing his best to doggy paddle back to the beginning of his lane and climbed back out.

“You scared the hell out of me,” I coughed shaking my head smiling. “You almost drowned me.”

“Sorry,” he said and I hated that it felt awkward seeing him in front of me after such a long time apart. I couldn’t help noticing that he also kept his distance as well, rubbing his arms trying to warm himself up, his short blond hair plastered against his forehead. “I saw that you were alone, so I stripped and went for it.”

“My swimming lessons haven’t helped,” I said as I stood noticing that he was just in his boxers, the water weighing them down a few inches giving me a peek at the top of his trimmed blond pubes and the slight v of his waist. He didn’t look as sorry now and I felt my face getting hot as he mustered up the courage and was the first one to close the distance between us down to just about a foot or so.

“Yeah, I wasn’t really paying attention the first time,” he countered his own face flushed.

“Where does your mom think you are?” I asked then immediately hated that I brought up Cindy as he frowned.

“Doing some shopping for some church members,” he answered shrugging. “Will I go to hell using the church in a lie?”

“You would know better than me,” I answered trying not to laugh thinking of everything we’re doing, that lying was the least of our worries.

“You looked good,” he commented grabbing a towel from where I left them stacked on an unused starting block.

“Thanks,” I said smirking as I looked out across the water. The waves were already subsiding, never really making it to the edges of the pool before turning back to him. For some reason, compliments I heard my whole life made me blush and feel funny coming from him. I felt them more.

“You make the water look a lot less scary,” he said wrapping the towel around his shoulders after drying his hair. It was now a mess of small spikes on the top of his head and all of my practice plans for tonight went out the window.

“It isn’t that scary,” I answered kicking my feet just enough to cause ripples. Swallowing I slid back into the water then turned and offered my hand to him. His boxers were still dripping and threatening to fall down completely, but he smiled and dropped the towel from around his shoulders and walked around the starting block and took my hand. I didn’t pull him in, but allowed him to sit down where I had sat and then slide in next to me.

Our bodies crushed together as I hadn’t moved to step out of his way. Feeling the warmth of his body despite the chill of the water seemed to wake my own body up. I hadn’t known what I wanted to do with him once I got him back into the pool, but I grabbed his shoulder with my free hand and pushed him back against the wall.

I smiled when I felt him jump and go tense when his back made contact with the cold tiles along the side of the pool. He sucked in a quick breath as I let go of him and put both hands on either side of his head looking at his face for any sign of reluctance or apprehension. Not seeing any, I leaned back in and his lips met mine. He was still tense, and when I felt him kick his leg against me, I smiled between one kiss and the next.

“You’re not going to drown,” I whispered opening my eyes to see his death grip on the side of the pool. Reaching over I grabbed his hand massaging my fingers over his until he released his grip, then I guided his hand under the water to my side shuddering when his fingers slid against my skin under the water.

After a few minutes, I heard Luke’s teeth chatter between kisses. Breaking away I saw his face flushed. I felt him pull me back towards him, but I thought it was more for my body heat than anything else. Laughing I pushed off the wall and swam backwards a few yards and stopped.

“Why?” He asked, a slight groan to his voice. I tried to readjust my erection, but the tight shorts didn’t allow for a lot of room.

“You’re cold, you need to move around,” I said smiling as I hovered in the water waiting for him to muster up the courage to break from the wall again.

“No I don’t,” he said grabbing for the wall. “This water is deeper than the YMCA’s pool.”

“Yeah,” I said my chin just above the water. “Come on, come get me.”

“Are you crazy?” He countered shaking his head.

“Alright, I’ll come get you,” I said and the tone of my voice made Luke turn and try to climb the side of the pool. I caught him before he could pull himself completely out of the water and unceremoniously dragged him back in with a large splash. When he disappeared under the water, I swore under my breath and reached for him, but yelled when I felt hands searching out my body. When he came back up for air he shook the water from his face frowning at me.

“You didn’t drown,” I commented and jumped when his hand came into contact with my dick. When he didn’t move away, I stopped smiling and the water around us smoothed back out to gentle waves after the small struggle.

“I kind of lost my boxers,” he said, his voice low and a bit winded. “I think they ripped.”

“Oh?” I said blinking away the remnants of the water that streamed down my face still very aware that his hand was slowly jacking me off through my swim shorts. It would have been hot if I didn’t feel the goosebumps on his skin when I touched him and still noticed that his other hand still searched out and found the ropes that divided the lanes.

“Yeah,” he said smiling. “I really liked that pair too.”

“Let me go get them,” I said smiling as I took a breath and gently dived under the water. With the dim lights and me not having my goggles, it was difficult to spot his boxers. They had drifted a few lanes down. Retrieving them, I turned and swam back to where he waited.

“Did you get them?” He asked after I surfaced.

“Yeah,” I answered holding them up, evening out my breathing. Moving forward I kissed him, his lips felt feverish compared to the cool skin of his chin when I started a trail of kisses lower. Then I took a small breath and kissed my way down his neck to his chest using my hands and his body to pull myself lower until I felt his cock bounce off my chin. I laughed, sending bubbles back to the surface as I steadied myself in front of him.

My breath running out, I steadied myself and watched the last few bubbles clear away revealing what was in front of me in what little light I had under water. With my eyes stinging from the chlorine I opened my mouth and let Luke’s cock slide past my lips. The touch seemed to send a jolt through Luke, and sent a small ripple over my body like a small shockwave. It was more difficult than what I imagined, I kept floating towards the top of the water and I accidentally kicked and got my leg wrapped up into the lane dividers. After a few kicks, I felt Luke grab me under my arms and pull me to the surface. Coughing up water and gasping for air, I splashed trying to right myself in the water long enough to untangle myself.

“That didn’t work out worth a fuck,” I hissed between coughs. Hearing Luke laugh as I turned back to him after successfully freeing my foot, I grabbed hold of the lane divider using my other hand to wipe water off my face and out of my eyes.

“No it didn’t,” he offered shrugging when I shot him a glare.

“Well I always wanted to try that, but in my head I was the one leaned up against the side of the pool, not…” I said trailing off as my face flushed. I had never told anyone about my little perverted swimmer fantasies, but after this, reality crushed most of them. “Well anyway, I think all swimmers have them.”

“Yeah?” He asked and that is when I noticed that he was back to shivering, despite the grin on his face.

“Come on,” I said grabbing his hand and gently pulling him away from the lane dividers back to the starting blocks. I helped him climb up first, watching his ass jiggled as he stood and walked to grab a towel. Following him, I handed him his tattered and soaked boxers smiling when he grimaced at the big hole that opened along the back end.

Neither of us said anything as we walked around the side of the pool. I waited long enough for him to gather up his clothes then we kept walking back to the locker rooms. My heart was pounding in my chest and I kept glancing over to see if I could see any of the apprehension I felt, in Luke. Like always though, no matter what was going on he had a calm half smile playing on his face. The only real times I saw him frown involved Cindy and her shit.

After stepping inside the locker room, I noticed Luke stop and look around. I kept walking to my station and started stripping off my shorts thankful that my erection had subsided a lot. Being in here, oddly, I felt less awkward about being naked.

“It’s cleaner in here than I thought it would be,” he commented and I laughed shaking my head.

“It is usually clean, yeah,” I answered, “but it is a lot better after Tony made Aiden and Matt scrub it down.”

“How are they treating you now?” He asked still standing by the door.

“Ignoring me,” I answered shrugging. “I won’t have to put up with their shit too much longer.”

“That’s good,” he said still looking around, holding his towel around his waist. Everything was white in here. The tiles, the florescent lighting, the white porcelain sinks. In his white towel he looked tan, his wet hair a darker shade of blond than it would be dry. It made his brown eyes seem darker.

When he finally looked at me, I was standing naked. When he smiled and looked down I saw that I had absentmindedly held out my hand for him to take. I was about to let it fall back to my side, but he closed the distance and laced his fingers with mine.

“Is this okay?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper as I led him around the corner to the showers.

“Yes,” he answered finally letting go of his towel with his other hand. It fell to the floor and he kicked it aside as I turned on the water, getting it to the temperature that I liked.

The shower had a lot more water pressure than the one back home and even though I knew we were the only two people at the Center, I felt really aware of everything. More so than back at home, with the gentler water and the familiar smells of home. All of that and the complete whiteness of the room made me more nervous than I thought it would. I was standing under the spray of the water with my back facing the spray. Every so often Luke would blink away a ricochet drop of water from my body. He looked just as suddenly nervous as I was.

“So,” I started, but watched the set of his shoulders change as he reached up and pushed me against the white tiled wall. My breath came out in a high pitched moan as the chill of the wall hit my hot water warmed back. Jumping, our foreheads met before anything else, and we both laughed when Luke backed away to rub his forehead and the water from his eyes.

“We suck at this,” he breathed as my back got used to the temperature change.

“We’ll get better,” I countered reaching up to pull him back toward me until his erection slid against mine, trapping them between our lower stomachs. When he grunted and sucked in a small breath I smiled as I closed my eyes, not wanting to fight the water to kiss him. His lips were warm and tasted of chlorine.

We stayed like that, taking turns kissing under the spray of the water. My hands were on his waist, and his left hand rested on my shoulder, the other one on the back of my head. I wasn’t brave enough to let my hands explore, it was nice just being close to Luke like this. I hadn’t realized how much I missed seeing him, hearing him face to face. All the clumsy progress I made in the pool was still on the back of my mind though, it was the first time I had done anything like that. None of the, “you can do this,” whispers inside my head seemed to be registering with the rest of my body though, the only place I was brave enough to be was kissing him. Luke didn’t seem to mind though, every time I tried to come up for air he would pull our faces back together. A lot of me wished he would be the braver one now that we were here in the middle of it all.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, everything I was feeling kept wanting to push me onward. My grip on his waist probably hurt him, I had to keep telling myself not to hold him too tight. Every time I would loosen my grip, he’d let out a small breath and it would jolt me back to holding him like I was the only thing holding the both of us upright.

I was just about to dip my head lower along his jawline, my brain finally winning out, when a sharp ding echoed from just around the corner. I knew it was my phone and I was planning to ignore it, but it started ringing.

“Fuck me,” I groaned reaching up, I turned the water off. The temperature drop was instant and I smiled still swearing at myself when Luke shuddered. “Fucking phone.”

“It probably saved us,” he said as I watched water droplets make their way down his face. When one hit his top lip and dripped to the bottom, I saw that his lips looked fuller, slightly swollen from all the kissing. “It has to be getting late.”

“Yeah,” I said my voice still mostly a groan as the phone stopped ringing then immediately started again.

“Someone really wants to get hold of you,” he said and I sighed as I stepped out of Luke’s way and let him walk around me. I fell in step behind him and found the towel cubby, I handed him one as I fumbled in my jeans for my phone. When I saw that Heather was calling, I felt like ignoring it. This late on a weekend trip to Florida probably meant that the girls had sneaked out of their hotel room and were up to no good. Either that or bikini pictures, both of which could have waited. Instead, I swiped my screen and held the phone up to my ear.

“Oh thank you for finally answering!” Heather screeched, “Where the hell have you been?”

“Swimming,” I coughed reaching up to scratch the back of my head as I glanced at Luke. I could feel my face flushing, but at least it wasn’t Tony or Mom calling, I doubted my voice wouldn’t have given me away.

“Toby isn’t doing so good,” she said and I felt my heart began to quicken. The tone in her voice had changed from being annoyed to shaking, and now that I was listening I heard that she was crying as well.

“What’s wrong? Is he okay?” I asked my heart racing.

“Its his mom,” she answered and I clenched my jaw. “He won’t tell me, but his Dad is on some cow trip and Derek is off visiting family. Please go see if he’s okay.”

“I will,” I said swallowing against the knot that formed in the back of my throat. “I’ll go right now, I need to get off here and get dressed.”

“Don’t let him do anything stupid, I love him,” she said sniffling as the call ended.

“What’s wrong?” Luke asked when I let my hand fall back to my side.

“I need to go, something is up with Toby,” I answered turning my back to him neglecting the towel and reaching for my underwear and jeans. “I need to hurry.”

“Okay,” he said as he came to stand beside me and for a moment I hated that he was standing in front of Aiden Townson’s locker. He had started putting his own clothes on, giving me sideways glances after every layer.

“Heather said something about Toby’s mom,” I said as I sat down to slide into my boots, lacing them up over my naked feet. My socks were shoved into my bag and I didn’t want to waste time looking for them. “She hasn’t been in town since he was eight.”

“Is she in town now?” He asked sitting down beside me to put on his own shoes. Looking up I saw that his hair was sticking up in small spikes in every direction on his head. In any other moment it would have made me want to laugh and smooth his hair out.

“I don’t know. He didn’t tell Heather,” I answered standing back up. “And everyone else is gone, so.”

“Do you want me to come?” He asked sliding on his right shoe, quickly tying it.

“No, you probably need to get back home,” I answered not knowing if showing up with Luke would cause Toby to slam the door in our faces.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said grabbing my elbow. “Are you going to be alright, I can call your Mom.”

“I’ll be alright,” I answered smiling. “I’ll text you when I get there.”

“Alright,” he said and I frowned at the wet towels on the floor and my messy locker. Not wanting to waste any more time and knowing I had a bit of a drive, I led Luke out of the locker room and we turned right through the doors leading to the foyer. I hit the lights at the exit and when I opened the door the frigid air hit me head on. My clothes were wet from not drying off, shivering instantly I gave Luke one last smile before we both jogged to our cars. He had parked beside me and he let me back out of my spot first with a small wave.

Luckily it still hadn’t snowed and the sky was still sparkling with stars as I drove back home. The headlights behind me, belonging to Luke’s car was a small comfort for me, but I felt completely out of my depth. Toby didn’t like talking about his mom, there was always a bit of sadness around his milestones like birthdays that I came to realize as we got older. By the time I felt like I could do anything though, Toby had seemed to stop caring. The sadness had been replaced by laughter and epic parties out in the field, where everyone came, so many people that I hoped it covered up the empty spots where his mom should have been.

Luke turned into his driveway when we reached our homes. I only glanced at my house to see the lights still on in the living room. Toby only lived a couple of minutes on down the road, where the houses thinned out and gave way to farmland. The first farm being their farm. Pulling into the long dirt driveway up to his house, I kept scanning the house. Every light was off, the only hint of him being home was his truck parked out front. Parking beside it, I got out and grabbed my phone and scrolled down to Mom’s number.

“I’m at Toby’s, don’t know when I’ll be home.”

“Is something wrong? No partying, you have swimming in the morning.”

“No party, he’s having a bad night, something about his mom, I’ll see you in the mornin.”

Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I walked up the stairs to his front porch. In the darkness I felt awkward not knowing what to do. Usually I would have just opened the door and let myself in. Troy, Toby’s dad was used to us coming and going all the time. Now though, I held up my hand and gave a quick knock. Feeling instantly lame about knocking on my best friend’s front door I grabbed the door handle only to have it ripped from my grip as the door swung open.

“Who the fuck is out there?” Toby asked, his voice slurred.

“Toby?” I said as I heard him fighting to find the light switches. Finally finding them, I squinted against the sudden brightness of the porch light.

“Jack!” Toby bellowed smiling through puffy, red eyelids. “What the fuck man? Come on in, you don’t knock, I almost cattle prodded your ass.”

“Are you alright?” I asked as he stumbled out of my way. He was shirtless and holding half a bottle of alcohol too big to be any beer. Glancing up, I saw that he also, inexplicably had a pair of sunglasses pulled up on the top of his head. His smile had faded though and I saw him reaching for the door.

“Fuck man, not you too,” he groaned and I just managed to put my foot out to stop the door from closing in my face.

“Let me in,” I said as pain shot through my foot. My boots probably softened some of the blow as he tried to close it again. He seemed more confused about the door than angry at me though.

“Why isn’t this fucking thing closing?” He finally said as he opened the door slightly and closed it again. Wincing I shoved myself against the door causing him to stumble backwards and fall as the door flew open.

“Toby, what the hell?” I said my temper getting the better of me. “Are you trying to break my foot?”

“No,” he answered, “are you trying to make me spill my liquor?”

“Give me that,” I ordered as I quickly yanked it from his grip. He looked like a baby that had just had its bottle yanked from its hand in the middle of its breakfast. Any other night it would have been funny, but tonight seeing him sprawled out on the floor in front of coffee table had me thinking that maybe Mom would have been a better choice after all.

“You want some?” He asked, “All you had to do was ask.”

“No,” I answered turning the whiskey bottle around to read the label. Knowing where it came from, I looked towards Troy’s liquor cabinet. When I saw that Toby had put a baseball bat through the glass, I frowned. We all knew where Troy’s secret key to the liquor cabinet was. We found it when we were fifteen. It had taken us all of twenty minutes to realize it had been taped to the bottom of the cabinet itself, just behind the right front leg.

“Heather called you, didn’t she?” He asked, already rolling his eyes like he knew the answer. I just nodded as I offered him my hand. It took him a few tries to find it, but when he did I hauled him up off the floor and guided him around the coffee table to the couch.

“She said something about…” I started, but he grabbed for the bottle in my hand. Leaning back, I tried to keep it out of his reach. Instead he ended up sprawling himself on top of me still fighting to reach it.

“If I’m going to tell you about my bitch mother I’ll need that,” he groaned and I noticed a tear fall from his eye and land on my shirt quickly followed by another. Swallowing, I put the bottle on the coffee table and wrapped my arms around him.

Toby fought and resisted the hug longer than I thought he would. Grunting against some half-hearted blows to my side. I sighed when he finally collapsed against my chest, his head nestled between my neck and shoulder. He reeked of alcohol and not just whiskey, but beer as well and I feared what I would see in the kitchen.

“Ten fucking years,” he whispered through gritted teeth. I felt him grow tense in my grip, so I started rubbing his back. It didn’t seem to relax him, instead he seemed to shy away from it so I stopped. “I don’t hear anything from her for ten fucking years and she sends me a fucking postcard. She didn’t even say goodbye to me, just vanished one night.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” I said glancing down at the coffee table and seeing the small post card with neat handwriting on the back. It had a wet ring on it from a can of beer. Looking around I saw a few crushed and slung cans around the living room and down the hall towards the bedrooms.

“New fucking life, new family,” he continued, stumbling over his words after a moment. “Dad’s a fucking liar, she never wanted me.”

I couldn’t help hating her as Toby broke down again. This time though he reached up and grabbed hold of my shirt. I winced at his hard grip as he buried his face deeper into my shirt collar.

It was different this time, back when we were all eight years old the adults took care of Toby. Mom and Derek’s Mom helped Troy out a lot. Derek and I just became the best distraction, playing, running around, and getting up to no good. Toby’s mom had left in the beginning of summer, but it had taken him all of the rest of the year to finally understand that she wasn’t coming back. He wouldn’t let Troy out of his sight for a long time and ended up taking him along on cattle sales and trips a lot that summer, something he didn’t do before. During that time I remembered Mom keeping me closer than usual as well. I was young so I had liked all that extra attention. That year was probably what cemented us as best friends, more like brothers. I had his mother to thank for that, but I knew that would have happened anyway. I couldn’t imagine my life without Toby or Derek in it, it would be like losing an arm or a leg.

Toby going suddenly rigid and sitting up caught me off guard. His eyes were wide, tear streaked, and redder than they were before. Looking at me, he took a quick swig of whiskey, cringing as soon as it touched his tongue. I watched as he forcefully swallowed it down, shaking his head and taking a deep breath.

“If you tell one soul we cuddled, I’ll kick your ass,” he said still looking at me.

“Same,” I added smirking.

“Want some?” He asked wiping his tears away with his hand.

“I can’t,” I answered shrugging. “I have practice in the morning.”

“One drink isn’t gonna hurt you,” he said rolling his eyes as he turned towards me on the couch slightly swaying where he sat. He was close to passing out for the night and I hoped Troy would be home bright and early tomorrow to be here with him while I was away at practice. “We never get to hang out anymore.”

“Yeah, I’m always busy this time of year,” I said taking the bottle from him and placing it to my lips. I never cared for whiskey, anything that was painful to drink never appealed to me. Taking a quick drink, I coughed feeling it burn all the way down. Toby gave me a goofy half-hearted smirk as he took it back and down another drink grabbing the postcard off the table.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” He asked looking over at me with half-glazed over eyes.

“Don’t know,” I answered shrugging. “Whatever you want.”

“I want to burn the damn thing,” he said slamming the whiskey bottle down. “Want to?”

“Yeah,” I said reaching for the postcard in his hand. “I’ll do it, your drunk ass will burn your hand off and I don’t feel like driving you to the hospital.”

“Whatever,” he said shooting to his feet grabbing hold of my shoulder to steady himself. Knowing Troy liked to smoke a cigar every now and then, I stood and walked over to the ruined cabinet. Reaching up, I found the box of cigars. Taking it down, I opened the lid and found the lighter tucked inside the box with the few left in there.

“Come on,” I said putting the box back where I found it. Nodding, he followed me outside sliding into his shoes on the way out. Being only dressed in a pair of shorts, but too drunk to really notice the cold, I helped him down the steps to the front yard. His body was shivering and his breath came out in waves of condensation. Wanting to get this over with, I held the postcard out in front of me by one corner. Handing the lighter to Toby, I nodded and he ran his finger over the striker. It took the paper longer to catch fire with his unsteady hand, but when it did his hand fell back to his side.

We both watched the small flame slowly build up as the corner of the postcard curled and turned to ash. When I felt the heat of the fire, I dropped the card and watched as Toby watched it burn, the fire reflected in his eyes. The postcard didn’t take long to burn and as much as I wanted to get out of the cold air, I felt like it hadn’t been enough. All of Toby’s pent up anger at his mother over the years wouldn’t be extinguished as easily.

“Well, that’s done,” he grunted turning to glance at me. I had shoved my hands into my pants pockets, but when he shot me a brief smile, I nodded my head and I followed him back up the stairs and into the house.

As soon as we got back inside, Toby bypassed the living room completely. I followed until he disappeared into the bathroom across the hall from his room. Not wanting to leave him, I leaned up against the wall. I heard him use the toilet then flush, then the sink running briefly before he opened the door and stepped back out, burping. The whiskey seemed to have finally hit him on top of everything else he had drank.

“What do you want to do now?” I asked as I pushed myself off the wall ready to catch him if he fell.

“I need to pass out, man,” he answered only half turning his head to look at me. “Sorry to leave you hangin’.”

“It’s okay,” I said, and he nodded and I watched him stumble into his bedroom and falling onto his queen sized bed just inside the door. Splayed face down across it, I sighed and helped him find the head of the bed and his pillow, making sure he was sleeping in a way that if he got sick, he wouldn't suffocate.

After getting him settled in, I walked back out of his bedroom closing the door, leaving just a small crack behind me so that I could listen. Then I sighed looking down the small hallway I could already see the damaged liquor cabinet. Not wanting Troy to come home to a wrecked house, I walked back down the hallway picking up stray crushed beer cans as I went. Happy that I found all of them in the living room, I found the broom and dustpan and swept up all the broken glass. Dumping that into the trash, I tackled the kitchen, and ran the vacuum over the carpet in front of the cabinet to get the smaller pieces that I couldn’t get with the broom.

Sighing, I pulled out my phone and saw that it was well into the morning, I walked back into Toby’s bedroom. He had moved to one side of the bed and curled up in a ball on his side. Since he had left me most of the bed, I kicked off my shoes and pants and got into bed beside him. I listened to him lightly snore for a while until everything that had happened tonight had time to replay in my mind more than a few times before I fell asleep.

The next morning I jumped and nearly fell out of the bed when I heard something thud against the floor. Opening my eyes I saw the disappearing figure of Toby entering the bathroom. Moments later I heard the toilet seat bang and the sound of him vomiting. Frowning I sat up and slid out of bed. I had just pulled my pants back up over my quickly retreating morning wood when I heard the front door swing open.

“Toby?” Troy said, his voice booming through the house. Then I heard him swear before heavy footfalls came barreling down the hall. When Troy came to a sudden stop just inside Toby’s room, I saw his fear quickly transforming to anger on his face. “Jackson, what the hell is going on here?”

“Sorry,” I said jumping as the toilet seat banged in the bathroom for a second time.

“Toby!” Troy bellowed turning to exit his son’s bedroom.

“Troy,” I whispered fumbling around the bed.

“Toby get your ass out here,” Troy ordered, completely ignoring me until I had closed the distance and grabbed his arm.

“He got a postcard,” I whispered quickly as I heard the sink begin to run. “From his mom.”

“What?” He asked turning to face me. He looked like all the color was draining out of him by the second and when the bathroom door opened, Toby stumbled out, his eyes mostly closed and his hair stuck up at odd angles.

“Don’t yell Dad, my head is killin me,” he groaned then finally seemed to wake up enough to realize that Troy had come home. “Dad!”

“What happened?” He asked grabbing hold of Toby’s shoulder. It was cramped in the hallway with all three of us standing there. I wanted to leave them to it, knowing it wasn’t going to be pleasant. I also had practice and when I slid my phone out of my pants I grimaced when I saw that I was already late.

“Can we talk later?” Toby asked still looking exhausted. “I need to sleep last night off a little bit longer.”

“No we can’t talk later,” Troy countered this time steering Toby away from his bedroom and down the hallway to the living room. “I know you shits know where my key to the liquor cabinet is, so why is it broken?”

“I was kind of already drunk when I noticed it locked,” Toby answered shrugging out of Troy’s grip then throwing himself down onto the couch.

“I better get going, I’m late for practice,” I said. Turning around, I walked quickly back into the bedroom and around the bed to where I left my shoes. Sliding them back on, I walked back to the living room to see that the talk between them had already moved on from the liquor cabinet to the post card. Not wanting to see Toby break down, not when he was for the most part sober, I gave Troy a quick wave and let myself out the front door.

Looking outside I saw that the snow had come over night. Not a whole lot, but enough to give everything a nice dusting. Sighing, I carefully ambled down the snowy front steps and down to my car, noting the spot we burned the postcard was covered by snow as well. Shaking my head as I remembered last night I pulled my door open and slid inside turning the car on instantly. Hearing the gentle hum of the engine, I turned on the windshield wipers and watched the grey-white snow be cleared away. Then I turned on the defrost and carefully turned the car around.

The gravel under the snow was frozen hard against the ground. The divots left from Troy’s heavy cattle trailer, probably full of cows, made the road bumpier than I remembered last night, when the ground wasn’t as frozen. Luckily though, as I approached the main road, they had already been cleared of snow, leaving small snow banks in the ditch. It was a small miracle, usually the one snow plow that came out this way never made it until the second or third day of a snow storm, no matter how bad it was.

After a careful drive to Tony’s, I glanced down at the clock on my dash. Seeing that I was nearly an hour late, I almost backed out of the parking lot and went back home. I suddenly felt my stomach roll, I already knew I would be getting a chewing out, I just hoped it was in his office and not in front of the team.

Grabbing my stuff, hoping everything thawed out on the way over, I slid my bag over my shoulder and closed my door, hitting the lock down button on the car. There was also no hope that the pool would ever be a warm place in winter and the cool locker rooms with all the cold tile right outside the front foyer made it worse. My teeth chattered as I entered the front foyer, the doors were closed entering the pool and when I stepped inside the main pool area, I stopped dead just as I was about to try and sneak off to the locker room.

There was no one in there. Jackie wasn’t even out there coaching the dive team. The only person that was out there though, was Tony and it looked like he had just walked out of his office not expecting me to show up at all. Seeing me standing by the front doors, I saw his face redden, and I heard him swear under his breath. He gave me an unfriendly wave for me to come to him.

“I’ll just put my stuff inside,” I said taking my bag off my shoulder.

“Now, Forrest,” he bellowed pointing to his office.

My stomach did another nauseating roll as I swallowed and walked between the practice pools. Not wanting to keep him waiting I picked up my pace once I was around the corner of the pool I spent most of my practice time in before hitting the main one. Getting a closer look at him, I saw that a vein had popped out along his temple. I hadn’t seen him this angry, not even after the Townsens threw the relay.

“What’s going on?” I asked my mouth going dry.

“Inside,” he growled, but fell into step right behind me as I entered his office.

When I stepped inside, I saw that there was a second door standing open letting in light in an otherwise dark office. It was a door that I had never seen open and I had wondered what was behind it ever since I came here, since it didn’t seem to have a secondary entrance in the hallway down to where Jackie’s office was or to the media rooms where we watched film of our practices and meets. We had barely used the media room, Tony always preferred to watch us first hand and correct us in the pool.

“Come along,” he ordered when I had stopped at the pair of small chairs opposite his desk. I had expected him to start in on me as soon as the door closed behind us. Instead I let him step around me and lead me into the second room. It was just a small as his office, but there was just one chair that stood empty in front of a large screen, that was split into eight smaller screens. Seeing them, I involuntarily groaned seeing the pool area in one screen. My eyes were fixed on it, on the center lane of the pool now brightly lit by all of the fluorescent lights. The water looked like blue glass and I felt my heart pound in my chest, my bag suddenly feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds.

“Oh, damn,” I muttered as he let me stare at the screens.

“I told you, Jackson,” he said through gritted teeth. “That I knew everything that goes on inside my building. Now tell me one thing, answer my one question, and nothing else. Do you understand me?”

“Yes,” I swallowed not daring to look at him.

“Is that boy you had in here last night, is he eighteen?” He asked his voice falling to a strained whisper. Turning to glance at him, I saw that his face had turned a deeper shade of red. “Or did I just watch child pornography on my surveillance systems.”

“No, he’s eighteen,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest to try and fight back some of the anxiety I felt.

“Good, there’s that then, good,” he said and I heard the chair scoot harshly against the floor. “Take a seat.”

“I’m sorry,” I started, but I heard him grunt and I realized that this was going to be a one sided conversation from here.

“You show up late,” he said, “I thought it was Charlie at first, I don’t live to know your social lives, so if you two were fooling around, fine, poor Simon, but fine. No, it wasn’t Charlie, I, luckily for him, finally recognized the other guy, I don’t know his name, don’t care. So I at least spared your embarrassment by not dragging innocent Charlie into this. Nothing in my wildest prepared me for this, I never would have thought any of you would pull a stunt like this.”

“It wasn’t,” I started, but he turned to me, shooting me a silencing glare.

“Enough,” he said, “there is nothing you can say to explain what was going through your head. It is done, we’re having a media day so that I can allow for the pools to thoroughly clean themselves.”

“We didn’t,” I said looking down at my hands so that I wouldn’t see him shoot another glare at me. I thought he would at least want to hear that part of it. That I hadn’t totally desecrated the pool, but it probably didn’t matter, not focusing on my swimming had been damaging enough. The other things that happened last night, were far worse.

“Honestly, I thought about just telling you to hit the door and not come back,” he said and I jerked my head back up to look at him. “Right after you get all those recruitment packages, you pull something like that. You do not own this place, this is my house. This is where I work and where I expect you to work.”

“No, don’t kick me out,” I said scooting to the edge of my chair feeling suddenly sick. “I don’t, I don’t get a whole lot of time with him, I knew it was wrong.”

“Why were you late?” He asked sliding the small trash can over to me. I pulled it between my legs thankful for the change in questioning, even if I knew I be in trouble for this too.

“A friend needed me,” I answered glancing up at him. “His mom ran out on him when he was eight, last night she sent him a postcard, it messed him up pretty bad. His dad was gone and he was home alone.”

“I can forgive that,” Tony said, his voice slightly softer than before. “Call me next time an emergency like that comes up.”

“I will,” I said feeling my heart rate slow. “I swear I won’t fuck up again.”

“You damn well better not fuck up anymore,” he added, “you will clean the locker rooms, from now until February.”

“Yes sir,” I said swallowing.

“You won’t breathe a word of this to anybody,” he added and I nodded. “And I deleted last night’s video feeds, or I probably wouldn’t have been able to look you in the eye this morning.”

“No,” I said blushing, “it would probably kill me if I tried.”

“I will be sending your parents an email explaining the situation,” he added and the room went slightly darker as he turned off the lights. “Now go home, you are in no shape to do anything right now, and I’m still pissed.”

“Okay,” I said standing up, I side stepped the trash can picking up my bag on the way out. Tony followed, closing the door behind him, locking it with a key on his keychain. It seemed like he was herding me out of his office and when I blinked against the brightness of the pool area outside, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was still empty.

I didn’t remember most of the trip back home, it had started snowing again. By the time I pulled into my driveway at home, the roads had become white again. This storm though, looked it it was here to stay awhile, everything was grey and there wasn’t a breeze in the air. The sky was a solid wall of clouds and when I looked towards the house after closing my car door, I saw Mom standing just inside the house in her pajamas and a robe. Her hair was pulled up in a messy pony tail and when I walked up to the front door she stepped aside and let me into the warmth of the house.

“You didn’t go to practice?” She asked and I saw the surprise on her face. Tony hadn’t had time to send the email yet, I dreaded the moment she received it.

“I did, but Tony sent me home,” I said wanting to just come clean, but I didn’t think I could. “I was late too.”

“Too?” She said her eyebrows cocked. “Is Toby okay?”

“He seemed to feel better after Troy got in,” I answered shrugging. “He was pretty bad last night, I couldn’t leave him.”

“I suspected as much,” she said shaking her head. “That Lidia, she never was a mother type.”

“She is now, apparently,” I said sighing. “I think that’s what messed him up, knowing she had more kids.”

“Damn,” she said and I blinked. It was rare to hear Mom or Dad swear.

“And I am in a lot of trouble with Tony,” I said blushing. I didn’t want to talk about Toby either, as I knew it would embarrass him the moment Mom sees him and wraps him into a smothering hug. Hopefully it wouldn’t be for awhile and she could get some of the urge out of her system. “Luke is involved.”

“What have you done?” She asked sitting down immediately. “Are you still on the team?”

“Yes,” I swallowed scratching the back of my head. “Me and Luke kind of, well we just kind of.”

“Kind of, Jackson,” Mom hissed her eyes blinking rapidly. “You didn’t!”

“No, I said kind of Mom,” I groaned shifting my weight from one foot to the other, wanting to bolt up the stairs to my room.

“Well you’re a teenager, I don’t know what kind of means anymore!” She yelled, but she didn’t sound angry, more like she was trying to stifle a laugh. Also completely out of character for her.

“Nothing happened, it was about to I think, but then Heather called and told me about Toby,” I answered cocking an eyebrow. “You’re not mad?”

“I think Tony probably punished you worse than I ever could have,” she said shrugging. “But if you mess up again young man, and continue to jeopardize your future I will be more than ready to.”

“Alright,” I said, “I need to go pass out for a few hours.”

“Okay honey,” she said yawning. “I might head up to take a nap as well, I’ve not felt well off and on the last couple of day.”

“Are you okay?” I asked studying her as she stood.

“Yeah, probably just some stomach bug,” she said smiling. “Everything goes around the factory all the time, I’m bound to catch some of the bugs.”

She walked around me, not hugging or kissing me before going up the stairs. Sighing, I kicked off my shoes grabbing my bag. I had dirty clothes that I needed to grab out and throw into the laundry room on my way up. As I rummaged through it, grabbing my underwear, and neglected socks, I just had pulled the zipper closed when a light knock came to the front door.

When I opened it, I hoped it was Luke, but when I saw a baby pink bulky coat with a faux fur lined hood, I stepped out of the way and let Ally inside. She instantly pulled her hood down and pulled off her mittens. Her eyes were puffy and her nose was red, she looked like she was nursing a bad cold.

“Are your parents around?” She asked whirling to face me as I closed the door. The snow had picked up a lot and I doubted anyone would be going anywhere tomorrow if it kept up like this. The snow plow man probably only had one miracle in him a year and he wasted it this morning.

“Mom just went upstairs,” I answered shrugging. “Do you need her?”

“No,” she huffed her face falling. “We just got in and I had to see you.”

“Okay?” I said watching as she fell silent only meeting my eyes every few seconds and immediately looking away.

“Why me?” She asked, finally turning to meet me. “Why not Heather, or Lily, or any of the dirty skanks at school, why me?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked sighing. The sigh seemed to enrage her though as she bristled up to full height, her stony blue eyes glaring at me. In her fur lined coat she looked like a pissed off pink cat. Not knowing what I did to piss her off, I almost laughed.

“I really liked you, Jack,” she said taking a step towards me. “I’m so stupid. I should have seen it, especially when he didn’t ever go away.”

“Oh shit,” I hissed finally catching on. “Oh shit, Ally.”

“What?” She said her eyes narrowing. “Yeah, I know, you spent a whole year lying to me, you’ve lied to Heather, you’ve lied to Lily…”

“I didn’t lie to anyone,” I countered crossing my arms over my chest to keep my hands from shaking. I didn’t want to make her any more angry than she already was and I definitely didn’t want to hurt her.

“You’re gay!” She yelled her arms flying out at her sides. “Right? Toby let it slip last night. So, what, you were never going to tell me?”

“I was,” I said, “and I’m not gay, I don’t know what I am.”

“Sure you don’t,” she hissed a tear falling from her left eye. She looked totally betrayed by it as she reached up and wiped it away. “Just tell me why?”

“I like you a lot, Ally,” I answered taking a half step toward her, uncrossing my arms. When she took a step back, I stopped in my tracks letting my arms fall to my sides.

“Don’t even,” she hissed. “I feel so humiliated, so, used. What if we had, you know, that night back in the summer.”

“Don’t feel bad, Ally,” I said my voice cracking. She was the last person I wanted to hurt with this. That is why I never told her, I wanted her to move on. Even if it was with Bailey Ashton. He would have been better for her than me right now. Looking at her now though it was all for nothing. No matter how it happened, how she found out, it wouldn’t have mattered. She was still going to be the one who got hurt the most. I hated that I couldn’t fix it either, the look in her eyes told me she wasn’t here to hear my apologies.

“I hate you, Jackson Forrest,” she squeaked more tears falling down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I said reaching for her again despite myself. I only was able to catch her coat sleeve as she stepped away from me.

“Keep your hands off me,” she hissed crossing her arms. “I don’t want your damn pity.”

“I didn’t mean for things to happen,” I countered feeling a knot forming in my throat. “Try not to hate me, you’re one of my best friends.”

“Friends,” she said, her voice full of venom. “I never wanted to be just your friend, Jackson, I thought I loved you and that you, but obviously not, at least not like Luke.”

“Please don’t,” I started then closed my mouth not wanting to tell her to keep my relationship with Luke a secret. I knew it would just make her more likely to tell people at school if I did.

“I won’t say anything,” she said rolling her eyes. “That’s all you care about, right? Your secrets?”

“No,” I answered, “I didn’t want to tell you, because I knew it would hurt you.”

“So it is better that I find out from Toby when he’s drunk?” She asked as she pulled out her mittens and shoved her hands back into them. “He feels like shit about that, you know, so you might want to call him.”

“I will,” I said swallowing.

“Well, bye,” she said pulling her coat tightly over her as she turned and opened the front door. The cold air sent a shudder through me.

“Ally,” I said and winced when she turned her glare back to me, a tear slowly trickling down her reddened cheeks. “Do what you want to me, but please don’t hurt Luke.”

“Jackson,” she said her eyes narrowing and her voice calm and distant, as she stepped through the door. “Do you even know who I am anymore?”

She didn’t wait for me to answer as she closed the door behind her. Every nerve in my body told me that I should chase after her, to get her to understand. I knew it would have made things worse though. The difference a day made, everything had been fine yesterday, but now everything had come crashing down around me.

Heading upstairs, I pulled my hoodie up over my head completely forgetting about my dirty clothes still on the floor in the living room. Not caring enough to go back down and get them, I opened the door to my bedroom just as Mom stepped out of her bedroom down the hall.

“Do you need to talk about it?” She asked her eyes darting back and forth as she studied me.

“No,” I answered offering her a small smile before entering my bedroom and gently closing the door behind me. I walked over to my bed and stripped out of my jeans and shirt, then I collapsed on the bed wanting to scream and punch something, cry, or throw up. Instead I just laid there staring out my window as the snowflakes fell silently until I fell asleep.