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The Best Year - 34. Chapter 34

After swimming and my ears ringing from Tony’s whistle attempting to keep me on task, I was glad to be home. Mom was in the kitchen finishing up the healthy dinner for us both. I couldn’t focus on Mom’s smile or the smell of the food. All I could think about were those neglected recruitment packages sitting on the kitchen counter where all of our mail went. Unlike me though, my parents opened the mail as soon as it arrived and either put it into a designated bill drawer or tossed it into recycling.

“What’s got you buzzing around?” Mom asked as I grabbed up the stack of packages. She was holding a spatula. It looked like we were having dinner omelets, mom craved eggs a lot so far into her pregnancy and I had to swallow down my fair share of eggwhite this or that.

Ignoring her I walked over to the trashcan and tossed the lid to the side before I shoved them inside, the force took the plastic bag with it. Swearing under my breath I reached in and gathered the plastic back up and around the top of the rim before I added the lid back.

“Are you going to explain yourself?” Mom asked and I watched her turn off the stove and move the pan of eggs to one side. She looked like she was struggling with the decision to complete dinner and come over to where I still stood by the trash can.

“I ran out of time,” I answered walking away from the trash can.

“I was worried about that,” Mom answered as she plated my omelette and then her own.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, pulling my chair out and sitting down at the table. I knew this wasn’t her fault and when I looked over my shoulder she was hesitating with both plates so I offered her a small smile. “I know it’s not your fault, I’m sorry.”

“Well I see Luke has rubbed off on you a little,” she said smiling as she reached around me and placed my plate on the table. Then I watched her, my face getting hot at the mention of Luke as she sat down beside me. “It was also a little bit nice not having you trying your best to get hundreds of miles away from me.”

“Mom,” I groaned as I reached over and poured myself a glass of iced down water. Seeing her hold out her glass I poured her some as well and placed it back on the large coaster in the middle of the table. It didn’t really fit the space, but the kitchen was just large enough to accommodate it. All of the houses here were small and old though. No one built a new house here; they were just passed down and renovated until the last owner dies and then they either fall into disrepair or some dumbass wanting to escape the city moves back here. Mom and Dad bought this house from an old woman after her husband died and she moved in with her daughter. I didn’t know what it looked like before, but you could never escape the age of a home no matter how much work you do to it.

“What did Tony say?” Mom asked as she sliced her omelette into meticulously little bites before she finally ate a piece of it. I was already halfway through mine, with a lot of the middle falling out for me to fork up later.

“To bust my ass and do well through districts and regionals,” I answered around a full bite of food.

“Then what will you do?” Mom asked and I shot her a look that only made her smile. We both knew where the heart of the problem was. It was right next door through a small copse of trees.

“I don’t know,” I answered despite my stubbornness and wanting to end the conversation before it got too deep.

“Then I would try to figure that out first,” Mom said and I sat back in my chair shoving my plate away from me. The scraping sound was louder than I thought it would be, but it was just the two of us here and the television wasn’t on. Mom doesn’t get home much earlier than I do on open pool days, so she likely hadn’t settled down into her usual take home work yet either.

“I can’t,” I groaned looking out the small kitchen window. All I could see was darkness though. The shortened days of winter was something I always hated, but never complained about because old people complained about it all the time.

“Jackson you’re young,” Mom said, reaching over to pat my arm still resting on the table. I knew what talk was coming and didn’t want to hear it.

“I’m old enough too,” I countered, glancing at her. She gave my arm a squeeze offering me another small smile before she stood and grabbed both our plates. I watched her walk them over to the sink. When she turned back around I noticed the small bump. Seeing me looking at it she rubbed her hand down it.

“I think we’re a little bit wrong about the time,” she said smiling. She wouldn’t be able to hide that for too much longer. Part of me knew she was really only hiding it from the church crowd, Cindy specifically.

“Yeah,” I said, not wanting to hear about time again today. Instead I looked back out the window and not thinking I stood, shoving my chair back. Mom glanced over her shoulder but didn’t say anything as I pushed my chair in and walked around the small half-wall dividing the kitchen from the living room that created the nook for the table. I grabbed my coat on the way out, but never put it on as I was just walking across the small forest over to Luke’s. Like always the dark woods unnerved me and I stumbled more than I thought was physically necessary for the small walk through it. Shaking my head I brushed myself off after I emerged on the other side and saw the front porch light on. Seeing all their vehicles parked in the drive I hesitated. This would be much easier if it was just Luke at home. Henry and Cindy were rather boring though, I doubted they left the house much other than going to church or church related bullshit.

It took a little bit for the stubbornness back at the kitchen table to get me moving again. I didn’t know their evening schedule. I should have texted all this, but I wanted it to be face to face. I needed to know what I wanted to know. I just wish I knew exactly what that was and why I was here. What was I going to ask Luke when I stormed up the front porch and knocked on the door and hoped it was him and not Cindy? If it was Cindy the whole thing would fall apart.

Walking forward my feet hit the sidewalk and then the bottom step. Thankful for a regular porch light and not a security light that would have come on at my approach I slowly made my way up onto the wooden porch praying for none of the wood to creak under my weight.

I stood at the door trying to even out my breathing, my hand held up beside my ear ready to knock. Swearing under my breath I knocked on the door and fought down the urge to bolt back to the treeline. I heard footfalls approaching the door though and when it opened I took a step back. I should’ve known it would be Cindy, I should have prepared myself better for it as she held the door open and took me in.

“Jackson, why are you here?” Cindy asked as the warm air from inside their house hit me. It smelled of spaghetti sauce and I cringed. “You’re interrupting our dinner.”

“Sorry,” I said between breaths. I knew it didn’t sound authentic when it left my mouth, but I didn’t really care about their dinner.

“If this is about what happened at your school earlier,” she started her eyes narrowing. “I won’t be discussing that with you.”

“It’s not,” I countered, “I just wanted to talk to Luke about a History assignment.”

“Can’t it wait?” She asked, pushing the door slightly closer to closed in my face.

“Not really,” I answered, shoving my hands into my pants pockets.

“Let Jackson in,” Henry said from somewhere behind her, “It’s cold out.”

“It’s also dinner time,” Cindy added, not glancing over her shoulder to where I would probably see both Henry and Luke standing if I could see around her and the half-closed in my face door. I could hear the challenge in her tone. There was no pretense between us that would be there at school where she couldn’t outright hate me for being me. Here she had the upper hand and she knew it. “History is a pretty straight forward subject, we’ve been teaching the same one since kindergarten. You can talk to Luke tomorrow about this.”

“Mom,” I heard Luke, he sounded closer to the front door than Henry had. Hearing him I thought about sticking my foot forward, between the door and the frame. I doubted I would pull it back in one piece, it would have solved my swimming dilemma though. Instead I stood staring forward probably with a dumbfounded look on my face that Cindy would laugh about later.

“Goodnight Jackson,” Cindy said, smiling as she closed the door in my face, not waiting for me to respond. Frowning at the closed door I reached up and knocked on it again. This time I could hear voices in the house, but of course Cindy won as the door opened to her face again.

“Please,” I said, my breath a mist. My face was starting to feel the cold of the air and my coat was still clutched in my other hand at my side. “I don’t want to fail.”

“Tomorrow, Jackson and I won’t be opening this door again,” she said and closed the door in my face again.

This time I took a step back and glared at the door. I knew I probably looked like a crazy dumbass standing out here. What was I going to do? Ask Luke what he was going to be doing for the next four years. That’s exactly what I needed to know from him, but I didn’t want to ask him. I didn’t think I had the right to. Not when I didn’t really know what I would be doing the next four years myself. What I wanted to know he couldn’t give me an answer to, not really. What I wanted was for him to step outside and tell me that he would go with me, be with me. Wherever that took us is where he wanted to be too. That’s the only way I saw this working. I didn’t have to look in the mirror and know how selfish that made me either. He didn’t know where I belonged, I hadn’t told him and telling him right now with Cindy hovering at the front door daring me to knock again wasn’t the best place for the gesture.

Sighing I turned and stomped across the wooden porch hoping every step I took thundered through the house. I didn’t stop swearing to myself until I got back to my house and through the front door. Mom glanced over her shoulder from the couch. It actually surprised me to see her nestled into the couch with the television on and actually watching it. There were no papers spread out in front of her. Part of me wanted to slide onto the couch beside her, not having dad around or anyone to talk to, she looked like a cozy sort of lonely in the living room.

I also didn’t want to have the, “I told you so,” talk that I figured would come from my storming out. I didn’t know their fucking dinner plans or how sacred it seemed to be. Mom would though or maybe she would know that it wasn’t and Cindy was just being difficult. Either way I didn’t want to know so I just toed out of my shoes and hung my coat back on the rack. Then I dutifully ignored her gaze until I was at the bottom step.

“I don’t know what you ever saw in Cindy,” I growled, grabbing hold of the railing.

“Cindy wasn’t always like this,” she answered and I nodded then looked up the stairs towards the landing.

“Well I’m glad I got you,” I said and walked up the stairs and into the bathroom. I wanted to take a shower and warm myself up. I didn’t take a shower at the center either so I still smelled like chlorine.

Stripping out of my pants I pulled my phone out of my pocket and placed it on the bathroom counter, loaded up my music and turned it up. I took the rest of my clothes off as I walked across the small space to the shower leaving a trail of clothes behind me. Stepping into the shower I danced away from the cold water swearing at myself for being an idiot until the water warmed.

When I finished and stepped back out I knew I had texts waiting for me as they had cut out my music when they came. Drying off I swiped my finger then awkwardly put in my passcode trying to hold up my towel then realized I was in my bathroom alone and let it fall to the floor.

‘What was that about?’

Looking at it I turned and leaned against the bathroom counter, shuddering when my warm ass cheek came into contact with the cold marble. I should’ve known Luke would have made up an excuse to get away from his parents after dinner.

‘Nothin, forget it.’

After pressing send, already making up my mind that doing anything over text messages would be messy, I sighed and grabbed up my towel. All I had after practice was Cindy’s smug assed expression as she closed her door in my face. I didn’t learn anything I needed to know and after thinking about it on the front porch, I didn’t think I was ready to know anything at all. I didn’t want to think of myself as a coward. I should have insisted and busted down their door. I should have marched Luke outside and told him what I wanted to tell him that night in the snowy field. That I loved him. Maybe if I had, I would know where Luke and I stood.

I sat there awkwardly leaning up against the bathroom counter waiting for a reply. Hoping he would push me to tell him. I would have given in pretty quickly. Instead, the next series of texts I got were of his dick and all of that went out the window and I sighed and reached down and sent one back to him then I walked across the hall before it got too embarrassing and tricky for me to do that.

The next morning I rolled out of bed and slowly got dressed. I wasn’t going to repeat my early morning from yesterday. I also had practice after school so I gathered up both my school bag and my practice stuff and headed down stairs. Neither Mom or I were really breakfast people and she still had the occasional morning sickness. This morning though, I heard and smelled cooking comfing from the kitchen. When I turned the corner I expected to see mom standing over the stove. Instead it was dad with mom leaning against the pantry with a small glass of orange juice clutched in both of her hands. She had given up coffee after she found out she was pregnant. It had been hard on her, since she liked to start her mornings off with a cup. She looked a little sleepy eyed when she took me in and I was surprised that she wasn’t dressed for work.

“Morning check-up,” she said, glancing down at her robe. Her hair was longer than it usually was as well, flowing well past her shoulders. Usually she kept it just long enough to pull it up into a bun behind her head or a braided ponytail.

“I hope it goes well,” I said as I readjusted both bags on my shoulders.

“Good morning, Jackson,” dad said over his shoulder. Knowing I didn’t like breakfast I couldn’t escape the smell of bacon. It was a banned food on my list due to the salt and fat. I wasn’t allowed to have a lot of fried red meats in my diet as it was. My stomach growled at the smell despite my lack of interest in breakfast. I wouldn’t ever turn down bacon though and if I wasn’t back to square one I might have cheated.

“Mornin,” I grumbled, hovering between the kitchen and the living room.

“We’re hoping to get a peek to see if it is a girl or a boy today,” mom whispered leaning closer to me. I thought I would see a smile, but they never truly celebrated the pregnancy. Knowing how many miscarriages she had, thanks to Cindy, I knew why they were still guarded. That these routine checkups would be difficult for them. Mom has had a relatively easy pregnancy so far, as smooth as I thought pregnancies could look, not having a lot of experience with those.

“Hope for a girl,” I said smiling. “I don’t think you could handle another one like me.”

“Not at all,” she added as she swatted me on the shoulder. “You better get on to school, you’ll be late.”

“Can I skip?” I asked, still smelling the bacon frying in the pan.

“No,” she answered before she moved the glass of orange juice to her lips and took a sip. “I’ve not had any coffee, don’t tempt me to mother you right now.”

“Fine,” I groaned knowing I wouldn’t be able to skip. Tony didn’t like us to miss school even though he wasn’t affiliated with one he still liked us to report in with him.

“Have fun at school kiddo,” dad said and I snorted when he looked over his shoulder.

“Dad,” I said, shaking my head, “I’m not five.”

“Well I haven’t seen you off to school since you were little, I don’t know what to say,” he countered, sliding the pan off the burner. I watched him plate a few slices of bacon before I bolted from the house.

“Still good practice for our backup child,” mom yelled just as I stepped past the door frame and onto the porch.

“Well I still love you, even if I am being replaced,” I said laughing as I closed the door behind me and braced against the cold air of the morning. Shuddering and swearing at myself for leaving my coat hanging on the coat rack just inside the door, but too stubborn to walk back in and get it, I bounded down the stairs to my Mustang. Sliding inside I instantly adjusted the heat before I slid my seatbelt on and backed out of the driveway.

Arriving at school with only a couple of minutes to spare I was surprised to see Luke hovering where I usually parked. Seeing him my heart picked up the pace and I had to hit my brakes once, not paying attention to where I was going. Glancing over at Luke he was shaking his head and when I was finally parked in my spot I killed the engine as the passenger door opened and he slid in.

“Good morning,” he said, offering me a half-smirk. “I’ve been sitting out here forever, you don’t know how hard it is for me to sneak away from my mother.”

“Well I didn’t know!” I said, my hands still resting on the wheel. Noticing the tension in them I dropped them to my lap and forced myself not to stare at Luke across the small console from me. People were still rushing by us to get into the building before the tardy bells and when I glanced and saw that it was eight I looked back up at Luke. “We’re going to be late.”

“I’m thinking about skipping,” he said, glancing at me. “But Mom will know I am skipping with you, so it would be stupid.”

“Yeah, pretty fucking stupid,” I mumbled reaching for the keys where I had just killed the ignition.

“We can’t!” Luke hissed and I looked up to see him staring at my hand. Part of me wanted to ignore him and get him out of here. We hadn’t been able to spend a lot of time together and I had so much to tell him. We could be half-way out of town by now if I just backed out of the drive. We were both eighteen, there wasn’t much they could do to us.

“Give me a good reason why not,” I countered hearing the engine come to life.

“I already gave you the only reason that matters,” he said, reaching forward and grabbing my hand. He forced my wrist back around and I heard the engine die again.

“Then why are you out here tempting the hell out of me?” I asked, looking out the windshield. We were the only ones left out here, not even the delinquents like fucking Tuley had lingered this long.

“I want to know what you really wanted last night,” he asked, leaning back in the seat.

“We don’t have time for that,” I answered, feeling my face getting warm. The thought of yesterday and me acting like a dumbass wasn’t something I really wanted to talk about.

“Why not?” He asked as I turned my full attention back to him.

“Maybe if we did skip school I could tell you,” I answered, studying him. “We’re already late for class as it is.”

“I’m about to leave for class,” he said, offering me a smile. “Just tell me.”

“No,” I said, crossing my arms. “I’m not going to, so go on to class like a good little boy.”

“You’re so stubborn sometimes,” he said, sighing as he reached for the door handle.

“So are you,” I added and as he opened the door I heard him laugh. He didn’t know how close I was to breaking. He didn’t know the effect he had on me. He could ruin me with a look and I hated that and I wondered if that was coming. Luke slid completely out of the car and closed the door behind him. He didn’t look back until he was a few steps in front of the car, seeing him standing there expectantly I reached up and grabbed the keys. I turned the ignition and he watched me pull out of my parking spot and drive past him. Through the rearview mirror I watched him shake his head and start walking back towards school knowing he would have to walk all the way around to the front office to get back into the building. They locked the parking lot entrance ten minutes after eight, that’s when you’re officially tardy.

After getting off campus without the security guard stopping me I only really had one place to go. I couldn’t go home, Mom and Dad wouldn’t have left for their appointment yet. Skipping school and going home would be lame as well. So instead I found myself driving the hour or so drive to Tony’s. I didn’t know what goes on there during the day, but a little extra practice wouldn’t hurt me.

When I arrived I saw Tony’s escalade parked out front and grimaced. I almost backed out of the parking lot and left. Instead I killed the engine and slid out of the car grabbing my swim bag from the back seat. Then I closed the back door and locked down the car. The front entrance was open and I stopped just inside. The cleaning staff were in and the front foyer was being waxed. Seeing me the older man frowned and I looked down at the shiny floor. The foyer was also the brightest I had ever seen it, mostly just the safety lights were on and they were dim, giving just enough light for us to see how to leave the building.

“Sorry,” I offered and he silently waved me on and I awkwardly tiptoed across the foyer and bolted into the pool area. There were people working here too, the bleachers were pulled out and they were being cleaned, even though the only ones that I ever saw used were the bottom four. Looking at them I could imagine how packed this place could be, I couldn’t see it before when Tony announced that Districts would be held here next year. Although the place was new, there still were some things that were missing. Tony and Jackie had little over a year to get those. We didn’t have a screen that held the schedule and racing results like most places. That was the most glaring difference.
I didn’t see Tony so I sneaked around the corner eyeballing the camera that hung on the wall just beside the entrance to the locker rooms. It overlooked the entrance and the first pool. It would have been that camera that picked up what Luke and I were up to that night. Remembering it made my face warm as I entered and began stripping off my clothes. Tony must not be paying attention to the security feeds or he already would be bellowing my name from somewhere outside.

Finished and in my gear I grabbed my goggles and nose clip and walked outside to see Emily standing at the pool swinging her whistle around her finger. She smiled at me and let the whistle string wrap around her finger.

“You’re skipping school,” she said, her voice raised over the sound of the waxer just outside. It was a loud humming noise and when I walked over to her she shook her head and smiled.

“Don’t tell anybody,” I said as I placed a dry towel down on one of the starting blocks.

“I’m just surprised to see you here,” she said, shaking her head. “Most people would have gone somewhere a hell of a lot more fun than this.”

“This is fun to me,” I answered smiling as I walked around her to the middle lane.

“Yeah?” She said, following me. “Not what I’m about to make you do.”

“Really?” I groaned as I leaned down and splashed cold water up over my body so the shock wouldn’t be as bad when I jumped off the block and into the water. “Can’t I just do some laps and work on my conditioning?”

“Nah,” she said, then her smile faded. “Talk to me for a minute.”

“Why?” I asked, still bent over wanting to splash myself more. “I mean I can leave, I’m not really supposed to be here.”

“That’s the problem with you Jackson,” she said, despite her words, her tone was soft and careful. “You don’t want to talk when I think talking will do you a lot of good.”

“Fine,” I countered, feeling my stubbornness building up to full strength. “What do you want to know?”

“You’re skipping school,” she said with a small smirk playing on her lips. I hadn’t hid my frustration as much as I thought I had. “You didn’t open your recruitment packages.”

“I thought I had more time,” I said and I wondered just how far I could take that lie.

“You broke down in practice,” she said and this time when I looked up at her the smirk was gone and I saw the Jackie side of Emily.

“That’s been fixed,” I said leaning against my starting block.

“So why are you here now?” She asked and I knew I wasn’t going to get out of here without talking to her.

“I don’t really want to face someone at school today,” I answered shrugging as I looked at her for any hint or sign of who that could be.

“The blond guy you took to the first meet of the season,” she said and I snorted, turning to look at the glassy smooth surface of the water. It was one of the most beautiful things to me, something I never get tired of looking at.

“Luke,” I offered, “and yeah I didn’t want to face him. We’re not fighting or anything, I don’t really know why I can’t.”

“You’ve never been short for words before, but I think you do know,” she said and I looked away from the water. Of course I knew why I didn’t want to face him. After last night all I could think about was telling Luke that I loved him and that I needed him at my side. That it had to be this grand gesture that had me scared to say the words and scared to have him hear them. I hadn’t expected for this to happen and it wasn’t part of my plan. I didn’t want to have roots here when I left. I knew Mom and Dad were already saying goodbye to me or at least preparing for it, they knew going away for college was one of my dreams. Now I was most scared of losing time with him and not knowing where either of us would be the next four years of our lives. I didn’t see it working, I couldn’t picture it in my own head. I had allowed the little fucker to dig so deeply in that I didn’t know if I could be strong enough to leave him when the time came after the short summer break.

“Yeah, I do know,” I said slumping down onto the block.

“Alright then,” she said as she pushed herself off the block she was leaning against. “Maybe a plan on how to tell him will come to you during one of the hundreds of laps I’m about to make you do for skipping out on school.”

“Thank you,” I said, scrambling to climb back onto my starting block.

“And you still have practice later, so don’t kill yourself,” she added as she readied her whistle and I got into position on the block. When the loud fluttery screech tickled my eardrum I exploded off the block and after the shock of the water and a few kicks in I got what I wanted from coming here. I knew the distraction would only last so long and I would have to face him again and be brave enough. Just brave enough to get the words right and just brave enough to say them.

@wildone surprised me by working on the chapter, so be sure to thank him for his work. :) Also, thank you for reading so far, hope you're still enjoying the story. If you wish, please leave a comment and a like/reaction. :D 

Copyright © 2017 Krista; All Rights Reserved.
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This story is heartbreaking. I love Jackson, he is so much more than what others must see in him, especially Cindy! But he keeps everything so bottled up inside, he doesn't share with his parents, who go the extra mile to support him, or to Emily! If he doesn't open up soon, he will explode. I am so scared for him. 

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I dont give a jingle jangle who you are you aint gonna close a door in my face like that. 

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Oh wow, I had just stalked this story page earlier today to check for something new, then a few hours later…voila.

Cindzilla needs that stick extracted…with a few abrupt jerks sideways during the pull!

These poor boys, it’s so unfair to have a parent that just doesn’t understand the life expectancy of her control. Her authority is quickly speeding like a bug towards a windshield; smack!

Good for Jackson, he seems to be figuring things out and Luke may be more onboard than either realize at this point. I just hope @Kristais really good at painting the picture of Cindzilla’s face as she transitions through the supernova of her vanity.

@Krista, thanks again for bringing these characters back to us for another great chapter of life.

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1 hour ago, Hubert11 said:

This story is heartbreaking. I love Jackson, he is so much more than what others must see in him, especially Cindy! But he keeps everything so bottled up inside, he doesn't share with his parents, who go the extra mile to support him, or to Emily! If he doesn't open up soon, he will explode. I am so scared for him. 

So you’re saying he’s 18yo? Hahaha 🤣 OMG, I know that feeling, even now it still haunts me to think when and how it worked out…did I close my eyes and roll the dice? 😂 

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Jackson is facing a supremely difficult moment; he has to recognize and cross that line from adolescence into responsibility. In doing so, he will commit himself to parts of his future and to who he wants to be and who he wants to love.  What makes this story and this chapter compelling is that so many of us face this crossing, yet never stop to think about it as Jackson must. 

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I love this story and I'm so glad it's back.

Knowing @Krista Jackson won't get the chance to talk to Luke until at least the chapter after next!

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10 minutes ago, Howzat said:

I love this story and I'm so glad it's back.

Knowing @Krista Jackson won't get the chance to talk to Luke until at least the chapter after next!

😏 I am nothing, but predictable. :D Do I need to go into hiding if I do that? Lol.

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