The Best Year - 49. Chapter 49

After the limo dropped us all off back at Rick’s, he wasted no time turning around and hauling ass back down the road. It was getting late and dealing with us all evening probably hadn’t been easy. I saw Derek slip him some tip money just before we all stood around in the driveway, everyone checking to make sure they had everything they started the night off with. I couldn’t help staring at Luke, I wanted to make sure the night wasn’t ruined for him. That he wasn’t ready to just go home and end the evening and wait for Cindy. He hadn’t said much on the ride over, but in this small assed town the ride over wasn’t all that long.

“Okay ladies, are you all ready?” Ally asked as she reached into her bag and pulled out her keys.

“God yes, the tape on my boobs is starting to irritate me,” Heather said and Lily laughed as she pulled the sash off over her. She still had the sparkly crown on her head, but I knew she wasn’t the type of person to wear it all night. That was more Ally and Heather’s style, especially if Emma Camp made her way to Toby’s field later.

“Hey,” Tara said and I looked away from Luke, he wasn’t looking at me and I was beginning to think it was on purpose.

“Hey,” I repeated and when she smirked I shook my head.

“We’re going to head out,” she said reaching for me, she grabbed my shoulder. “I had a really great time.”

“Good, I’m glad,” I said, feeling her give my shoulder a gentle squeeze before she wrapped me into a quick hug. Looking past her I saw Shay playfully shaking Luke, not stopping until he smiled at her. When she released him she dragged him with her to where we stood just as Tara broke the hug.

“The offer still stands to escort us to our prom,” Tara said as she turned to Shay.

“Hell no,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “Con Charlie and Simon into doing it.”

“Charlie would upstage us,” Shay countered, rolling her eyes. “Or get us thrown out, we’re just Juniors.”

“Goodnight,” Tara said and I watched her lean over and give Luke a hug. Not expecting it, he stiffened slightly, but then returned her hug just before she broke it.

“See you Tuesday,” Shay said, reminding me that we all still had unfinished business in the pool preparing for Regionals.

“See you,” I said as Luke shuffled around them to stand beside me. We watched them walk over to Tara’s van and when they were inside and backing out of the driveway, Bailey Fucking Ashton followed them out and down the road.

“We just lost our ride back home,” Luke said, turning to look at me.

“Fuck me, we did,” I said laughing when I looked around to see who was left. The girls hadn’t left and they were talking with Derek and Toby. Seeing us Ally waved us over and I nudged Luke before I made my way up to them.

“I need to get home and get the field ready,” Toby said as he grinned and rubbed his hands together. “Dad brought in fireworks from out of state, illegal shit.”

“Damn,” I said as he clapped me on the shoulder.

“Let’s go get drunk off our asses,” he said and I laughed as he turned and walked backwards with the most shit eating grin on his face. The party would feel different, there would be an undercurrent of this being one of our lasts. We won’t ever have another prom after party. Toby was an only child too, aside from his step-siblings that he never met. After he graduates and leaves for college there won’t be regular parties there. The tradition that started with Troy all those years ago would be broken again, possibly forever as I didn’t see Toby coming back home to pick up the cattle business.

“I have something for you,” Ally said after I watched Toby back out of the driveway in his black truck. The tires squealed as he did a burnout before taking off, the engine roaring down the road until he had to let off the gas going into a curve.

“What is it?” I asked and I watched her pulling a key from her bag. It was on a keychain with a bulky rubber thing. When I looked closer it was our mascot and I knew this belonged to Steven Welker, she wouldn’t own something so stupid.

“No Ally,” Derek groaned and I saw Lily smack him on the stomach with the back of her hand. “He has to come to the party.”

“He has a choice,” she said, rolling her eyes. “This is a key to our cabin by the lake.”

“I don’t know where that is,” I said looking down at the key.

“Just put in 454 Lyle Lake Drive into your GPS,” she said as she placed the key into my hand. “We fixed it up for you.”

“What for?” Luke asked and when I glanced at him he was looking down at my hand.

“Well we know you two didn’t get to be alone tonight and it is prom,” she said and I looked up to see her wink at me. “You can still come to the party, if that’s what you want to do.”

“We were just giving you an option,” Lily said as she leaned into Derek and he wrapped his hands around her. Being the smallest of the girls she was always getting cold and even though the night felt warm to me, Lily never really felt truly warm and sought out blankets or body heat. It was something I loved about her the short time we dated.

“Guys my boobs,” Heather said as she broke from the group. “I want to still have a layer of skin on them when I get home.”

“Fine,” Ally said laughing as she rolled her eyes.

“Think about coming to the party,” Derek said and I glanced at Luke to gauge his reaction to the option we were given, but I couldn’t read him in the low light. We were just out of the range of the front porch light and I didn’t know where Carrie was, I half expected her to launch herself out the front door with snacks and sweet tea. She was that kind of parent and if I stayed here more growing up and if I didn’t have swimming, I knew I’d be a fat ass.

“We’ll see,” I said as Derek let Lily go and she climbed into the back of Ally’s car. Luckily there was enough room for us and when I opened the other back door I let Luke climb into the middle. Closing the door behind me I waved at Derek who backed away from us and let Ally back out of the driveway.

Ally’s car always smelled like a mixture of flowers and fabric softener. She had two different air fresheners, the ones clipped onto the vents and one hanging from her rearview mirror. She kept her car meticulously clean though, taking it to the car wash every other weekend. The back seats weren’t broken in, never really having a lot of people back here. I felt Luke’s leg against mine, but he held his mask in one hand. Both of them were in his lap and I kept playing with the rubber keychain, bending it over then letting it release and slowly return to normal. I wondered if it would break, it had to be old. Our school didn’t sell these anymore as no one wanted them. It was all t-shirts, hoodies, and sweatpants now.

“It was nice what you did for Connor,” Lily said and I looked up to see her leaning forward as far as her seatbelt allowed. Heather hadn’t bothered with her seatbelt, neither had me or Luke, being crammed in here.

“Yeah it was,” Luke agreed, smiling at me. “People thought it was funny.”

“I don’t think our school would mind a gay couple,” Ally said and I looked up to see her looking through her rearview mirror.

“Probably not, we’ll see how Connor mans the gay club,” I said, shaking my head. I didn’t want to think about school or what we could or couldn’t get away with. The one person that we were doing all this hiding from had a reach far outside the school, even though she made sure she was there too.

“Poor Olivia too, that dress was gorgeous,” Heather added and I heard Luke snort beside me and I rolled my eyes. I also didn’t want to deal with a pissed off Luke either.

“She can get it fixed, I think,” Lily said as she finally slid her crown off over her head. I watched her gently untangle her hair from it before she smiled and placed it in her lap.

“Well we’re here,” Ally said just as she pulled into my driveway. Looking through the windshield I saw the front porch light on and flashing light from the living room. Mom was down stairs watching television and when I opened the back door I stepped out and held it open for Luke. I took his mask so that he had both hands free and when he was on solid ground we backed away and shut the door behind us. With a wave Ally backed out of the drive and into the road. When she disappeared past the treeline I turned to look at Luke. He was looking past me towards his house, but the foliage had thickened too much for his front porch light to be seen now. No light made it through and when I turned and started walking towards the house, I hoped he followed.

“Wait,” he said and I felt him reach for my hand, but he missed. I stopped anyway and when he came to stand beside me I half turned towards him. “What are we doing?”

“I’m going to go get changed,” I said smiling as I studied his mouth wanting to kiss him now that we were finally alone. If it was a kiss goodnight I wanted to make it matter.

“I meant where are you going after?” He asked and when I smirked he looked towards my house.

“Well the second option kind of requires you to come along,” I answered, reaching up and sliding my knuckles down the silky fabric of his vest. We both had our hands full of masks and jackets. I was lucky I had been able to remember both all evening and didn’t leave anything behind. My bowtie had also made it through the night, still tied, but not perfectly anymore. Tara saw to that when she crashed me into her. “I don’t think I can sex up Welker’s cabin good enough without you.”

“Shut up,” Luke groaned, reaching up. I watched him rub his hand over his mouth and I knew he was at war with himself inside his head.

“Come with me,” I said, stepping up onto my tip toes slightly.

“I mean that’s what they’ll think,” he said, shaking his head. “That’s what the cabin is about.”

“So what if it is?” I asked, falling back down onto my heels. “All of them will be doing the same thing at some point tonight, even Bailey Fucking Ashton.”

“I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head.

“I just want to be with you tonight,” I said, finding his eyes in what little light we had this far out into the yard. “I don’t care where.”

“Then meet me out here in fifteen or so,” he said and I nodded and pulled out my phone to see what the time was.

“Come inside first, Mom stayed up for a reason,” I said and he nodded and followed me up the sidewalk.

When I opened the door Mom looked over the back of the couch. Seeing us she grabbed the remote and paused it on George Clooney's face and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know what she saw in him, but he was more for mothers anyway. I hadn’t liked a single movie he had ever been in, but I rarely liked sitting down to watch movies at all really. They couldn’t hold my attention.

“Hi guys,” she greeted and we both watched her scoot to the edge of the couch. She had changed from her sun dress to her pajamas.

“Hey,” I said as she stood and stretched out her lower back. It seemed like her belly grew by the day now, but that had to be my imagination.

“I hoped I’d catch you both before you changed,” she said and I watched her gather her camera. “I wanted a real picture.”

“A real one?” I asked as she waved her hand.

“Don’t be shy,” she said smiling as I shut the door behind us. “With Cindy and Henry there you two just didn’t look right, I thought you might want a real picture.”

“Oh,” I said and looked at Luke. He offered me a small smile as she guided us to stand in the open space between the kitchen and the living room. “What are you on, woman?”

“Hormones, Jackson,” she countered, rolling her eyes. “Now get to it.”

“You put us on the spot then tell us to act natural?” I asked, holding my arms out away from me. “I can’t do that!”

“Fine then,” she said, letting her hands fall to her side. “Have your prom pictures together look like two strangers forced to pose together. If that’s good enough for you.”

“What do you want?” I asked, chewing on my bottom lip, refusing to look at Luke now, but wanting to know what his reaction was. I knew if I did I would lose it.

“Nothing, forget it,” she said looking towards the paused television screen. “I guess the only way it would work is if we had allowed it to in the first place.”

“Yeah,” I said, finally getting what she was trying to give us.

“Grace hold on,” Luke said and when I looked at him he had half turned towards me. When I looked at him he smiled and looked away from Mom. My heart was suddenly racing in my chest and I didn’t really know why, I didn’t think he would kiss me in front of her. If he tried, I probably would have fallen over to keep her from seeing it, I didn’t want her seeing that shit. I was still a fucking teenage guy and we didn’t kiss in front of our mothers. Instead he dropped his mask and let it fall from his grip. I glanced down at it briefly after it hit the floor and when his hand grabbed mine I heard the camera clicking and saw the flashing of light from the corner of my eye. Looking at him he smiled, but I wasn’t and when I did I heard another few clicks and when they stopped I watched Luke blink and look away.

“There,” she said and I heard a tremor in her voice and then I heard her walking and when I turned, she crashed into us both and wrapped us into a hug. “I’m sorry I pushed you to do that.”

“We’re lucky to have someone like you,” Luke said and I stumbled slightly when she pushed me away and focused all of her hug onto Luke. Laughing until I saw him close his eyes and relax into her arms I sneakily grabbed my phone and took their picture before Mom broke the hug.

“Okay, alright,” Mom said as she broke the hug and wiped her eyes. “I’m too pregnant for this.”

“Honestly, how are we going to live with you for the next few months?” I asked and I jumped out of the way of her hand as she tried to swat me.

“By treating me like the Queen of the house,” she said as she walked towards the couch and leaned against it. “Who won Queen and King anyway?”

“Lily and Connor,” I answered glancing towards the stairs wanting to get the rest of the night started. After Luke told me to be back in fifteen minutes I knew the night wasn’t over so I was eager to get to the rest of it.

“How cute,” Mom gushed, “well I’ll let you two get to wherever you’re going, do not get into trouble.”

“We won’t,” I said shrugging. “At least no more trouble than anyone else tonight.”

“Jackson,” she hissed, but I turned and jogged up the stairs.

“I’ll see you in about fifteen,” Luke yelled as I reached the top and kept my pace to my room.

Inside I closed the door behind me and started untying my bowtie. When it was off I dropped it onto the bed and slid out of my vest. Then I unbuttoned my shirt then remembered the cufflinks and gently pulled them both out and placed them on my nightstand table. Smiling at them I pulled off my dress shirt then unbuttoned and unzipped my pants. Toeing out of my shoes I shuffled out of my pants. Then I pulled off the black socks and grabbed everything up and put it all in a pile on my bed. The night was over. I didn't care if they were wrinkled, they were just going back to the rental place anyway.

Rushing around the bed I grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Pulling my shirt on one-handed I grabbed a pair of socks and shut all of my drawers. With my shirt half on I retrieved my jeans and pulled them on one leg at a time, then up over my ass. When they were buttoned and zipped I finished putting on my shirt. Then I hovered in my room not knowing what Luke had planned. He hadn’t agreed to anything and with him, that could mean he had thought of something different entirely. I was all for wrecking every bed in Welker’s cabin, but I would also clean it up after because if I didn’t, Ally would and I wouldn’t want that kind of horror show playing out in her head. I would still know what all I did in those beds though, Steven going on with life completely oblivious would give me complete satisfaction.

Glancing at my phone I saw that enough time had passed for me to at least walk back down stairs. I hoped Mom wouldn’t be waiting with questions, I wouldn’t want to answer anything about the rest of the evening. The only anticipation I had for the rest of it involved getting Luke alone and taking full advantage of the next hour before Prom officially ended.

I ended up grabbing a bag and shoving a change of clothes, warmer than what I had on. Then the lube I had tucked into the bedside table. I hoped Mom hadn’t found it, but I didn’t want to think about that either. Instead I took one last glance around the room and thought about taking the mask, but decided against it. They ended up being more of a hindrance than anything. Shaking my head at the image that played out inside my head I closed my bedroom door behind me and walked down the stairs.

Mom had unpaused the movie and when she saw me she offered me a smile. She had popped a fresh bowl of popcorn and I leaned over her and grabbed a few off the top. Readjusting my bag, she looked at it and then at me like she wanted to say something, but I knew better to prompt her when she didn’t. I half expected a sex talk, or at least a quick refresher course. I didn’t think I could handle that, not with her all glowy and pregnant knowing full well how that happened.

“Why are you wrinkling your nose, do I stink?” She asked and I watched her waft the air in front of her with her hand and sniff.

“No,” I answered and when my voice squeaked I turned and bolted from the house, grabbing my keys on the way.

“Jesus,” Luke hissed as I ran face first into him. We didn’t completely crash since he was holding a warmer jacket in front of him.

“Luke,” I said as I grabbed him to steady myself before we both went down the stairs behind him. He looked past me towards the open front door, but I recovered and closed it behind me.

“What was that?” He asked after I turned back towards him and smiled.

“Nothing,” I answered, shaking my head. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” he answered and I saw the corners of his eyes creased as I stepped past him and down the stairs. I hadn’t gotten an answer about the evening though and after my feet hit the sidewalk I stopped and waited for him.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked adjusting my bag. “I’m good with either option.”

“Can we have another one?” He asked and I looked over at him when he came to a stop beside me.

“Just name it,” I answered and when he smiled and adjusted his own bag he stepped around me and I followed him. Seeing his truck I was slightly relieved, I pictured myself walking over roots and through briers to his field.

“What’s in the bag?” He asked as we parted ways for me to walk around the front of the truck to the passenger side.

“Change of clothes,” I answered as I pulled it off my shoulder and opened the door. The bench seat was empty, looking in the truck bed I saw another bag nestled towards the front. Sliding my bag in the back beside it, I climbed into the passenger seat and closed the door. “What’s in your bag?”

“Things,” he answered, offering me another small smile. He sounded slightly nervous, his tone wasn’t the same before we parted ways for us both to change out of our tuxes. Not having all the dressy clothes on myself, I felt a lot better.

The night was still clear, but there wasn’t a moon, or it just hadn’t started rising yet. I watched him back out of the driveway, thinking that maybe he was going to turn towards Toby’s field. When he didn’t I glanced at him and watched him put the truck in drive and start forwards, back towards town. Knowing we were getting closer to Cindy than farther away I felt myself grow tense and I hated that she had that effect on me. When we passed their house, I noticed no cars were in their driveway, so Henry was also gone.

“Where are we going?” I asked and when Luke glanced at me I shrugged when he hesitated in answering me.

“Are you disappointed about the cabin?” He asked as he leaned into his seat holding his left hand on the wheel and the other on the bench seat. It was slightly outstretched so I knew what he wanted, so I slid over and took it.

“No,” I answered as I rubbed my thumb over the back of his hand. “I’m not going to lie, sticking it to Welker while sticking it to you would have made a hell of a night.”

“You're gross,” he countered and I looked up to see him shaking his head.

“In different ways, I mean,” I added laughing when he shot me a glare.

“We can go to Toby’s, if you want,” he said, his voice falling back to a serious tone so easily that I knew my joke only hit the surface of his worrying.

“Just keep driving, Luke,” I said, squeezing his hand. “Take me wherever you want to go, I want to go.”

He didn’t say anything, but we were just about into town and well away from the two places where I thought we’d end up. Toby’s field or his, I knew from his reaction earlier the cabin wasn’t in play. What I didn’t expect though, was him slowing down and pulling into the park’s parking lot. Looking out at it, it looked deserted, the same street lights that didn’t work still hadn’t been replaced. The spring rains hadn’t been so bad so all of their hard work from last year hadn’t been taken out yet. Not knowing why we were here, since I knew the riverbanks here were too steep and blanketed with trees and undergrowth to be comfortable. The snakes and the darkness weren’t my thing either.

When he bypassed the parking spots designated for the river walking trails and the playground, to drive completely around to the backside of the building I glanced at him. He turned into the back entrance and then backed up the truck.

“This used to be a trading post for the entire town,” he said and I turned to see him lining the truck up at an unloading ramp. It was concrete, but cracked in a few places. I could see weeds growing from some of those cracks, illuminated by his headlights.

“Really?” I asked as I watched him slowly drive the truck down the ramp to the closed metal doors. It was wide enough for a much larger truck so it didn’t make me nervous about hitting anything.

“Ready?” He asked as he killed the engine and looked over at me.

“What are you doing?” I asked, looking out at the closed metal door that clearly had a ‘No Trespassing,’ sign in yellow on the front.

“When we cleaned up the park, I might have kept a key to the place,” he said with a smile that widened when my eyebrows shot up. This wasn’t anything that I expected at all.

“You stole a key, you’re trespassing, and breaking and entering?” I asked, shaking my head as he let go of my hand and opened the driver’s side door.

“Don’t get me thinking about that,” he answered, glancing at me before he slid out of his truck. When he closed the door behind him I scrambled out of the passenger side and looked around. The ramp was deep and a little steeper now that I was standing on the concrete.

“R rated movies and a felon, that’s hot as fuck,” I said as I watched him grab his bag from the back. I couldn’t see what his expression was this far away in the darkness, but I heard the snort. Smiling, I grabbed my bag and walked up the ramp to level ground.

“Shut up,” he groaned now that we were close enough to talk without raising our voices. There wasn’t anyone here, I knew that and so did he. This place wasn’t important enough to have cameras.The only thing I knew was inside, were a bunch of folding tables and metal chairs. Nothing of value anyway.

“Lead the way,” I said, turning to look at him. “I’m an accomplice here, so.”

“Sometimes I just want to find something heavy and hit you with it,” he said laughing when I looked at him.

“That’s probably what a lot of people think when they’re dealing with me,” I said as he started walking around the front side of the building. When we walked up the sidewalk and then the stairs onto the newly treated wooden deck, I jumped when one creaked. When he laughed and grabbed the key from his pocket I watched him slide it into the door. When he pressed the button on the brass handle and the door opened, I felt the warm stuffy air hit me in the face. It was warmer than the air outside and when he gently pushed the door open I followed him inside.

He didn’t turn on any lights and when I cleared the door he gently closed it behind him and locked it. It was that easy and we were inside. I doubted it would take much more from someone without a key to get in either. The doors were old, just like the building.

“What now?” I asked as we stood on the first floor of the three story building.

“Upstairs,” he answered and I looked to my left. Along the wall that held the front door there were old wooden steps with newer railing on the left side. He led me to them and we both started up them. In the emptiness our footsteps echoed against the floor. I wasn’t here enough to know what the place looked like after each flood. I imagined the floor had to be replaced and it still had the smell of cleaning chemicals, although faint. The building was Cindy’s project, so the idea of doing naughty things to her son in here didn’t hurt the mood any. Smiling when we hit the second floor carpeting Luke kept walking and I followed him.

“This floor is where the first owner of the trading post lived,” he said and I looked around for any lingering sign of a family living here once. It was back when the town was founded over a century ago though. Now it was a big rectangular room, completely empty. The windows that went along both sides of the room were large, but didn’t let in any light. Looking out one, I could see the parking lot lights. Beyond that was the main road heading into town, it would be getting busy in a couple of minutes when prom officially ended. Most of those cars would be heading to Toby’s field eventually.

“I don’t know anything about this shithole town,” I said, turning away from the window to look at him. When he smirked he started walking and I readjusted my bag and followed him. I thought we were going to have a nice night in one of the far corners of the room. It would take a little set up and I hoped he brought food in that bag he carried. It looked heavy as he kept readjusting it.

I only saw the dangling string when we got closer and when Luke slid the bag off his shoulder and sat it on the floor he grabbed it. Looking up I saw a square edged into the ceiling and when he pulled the string it opened and slowly thick wooden steps came down in front of us. When it hit the ground with a soft thud he picked up his bag.

“The attic,” he said as he pulled his bag around and held it out in front of him. “It is almost completely unused, with the basement being easier and bigger for storage.”

“How nasty is it up there?” I asked, wrinkling my nose. The stairs came down easily enough so they had at least been maintained, but I was already picturing cobwebs and dust an inch deep on every flat surface.

“Just come on,” he grunted as he started up the stairs. I reached out in front of me to catch him if he started to fall, but when he made it up three stairs I started walking up behind him. The ceiling was high, so there were more steps than I would have liked on a cable that didn’t feel sound under our feet. I did see a soft light shining down on us when we were halfway up and when my head cleared the entrance into the attic I started looking around.

It was completely and meticulously clean.The soft light was coming from a lamp that was turned on and plugged into an outlet in the wall. The floors were wooden, old looking and original. What I didn’t expect though, was a large bean bag chair sitting on what looked like a bed sheet. The storage that was up here was pushed to the opposite corner and wedged in like a puzzle. There was a box fan and when we were on solid ground I felt better. The ceilings were vaulted and came down on either side of us. The support beams were well above our heads, but exposed. There was another light socket overhead, but it didn’t have a light bulb screwed in.

“You would tell me if you found any weird ass eyeless dolls or anything, right?” I asked as I followed him deeper into the attic. The floor didn’t creak when we walked, but I wondered if someone on the floor below us could hear us walking around up here. Knowing the entire building was empty except for us wasn’t as comforting as it should be and I was just now realizing how much of a fucking chicken I was.

“No, I wouldn’t tell you,” he answered laughing as he slid his bag off his shoulder and onto the ground. The thud sounded heavier on the wooden floor.

“So yes, then,” I said as I placed my smaller bag beside his. “Did you bring this stuff up here?”

“Yeah,” he answered as we stood side by side. The attic was larger than I would expect an attic to be. Past the square entrance was an identical side that went all the way across to the other side of the building. There was another window over there with more boxes.

“Do you come here a lot?” I asked as I looked around and found more stuff that made the place look more lived in. Aside from the fan and bean bag, there was an old desk and chair that looked out at the window. It was outside the light of the lamp and in Luke’s shadow, but when he stepped aside I saw it.

“I set it up when we cleaned up after the flood,” he answered as he stepped away from me and turned the knob on the box fan. When it hummed to life he adjusted the speed to quiet it a bit. Then I watched him walk over and unlock the window and push it out. The window didn’t face the street, no one could see that it was open in the darkness, but they definitely could in the daylight if they were looking up. “I needed a place like this.”

“For what?” I asked as I walked up to where he stood looking out the window, feeling the breeze that the fan and the open window made. It was warmer up here than in the floors below us. Not having the air conditioning on, it had to be eighty or warmer in here.

“To think,” he answered, turning to me briefly before looking back out the window. “I brought a journal up here to write in, and my bible. I wanted to know how messed up I was and I needed to do it alone.”

“Do you still come here a lot?” I repeated, reaching my hand out towards his arm. He met it with his own hand.

“Not much anymore,” he answered and when he smiled I saw a tear break from his lower eyelid and fall down his face. “I ended up kissing you instead.”

“Nice,” I said, nodding my head, but hating the tears that I saw. “Ballsy since I didn’t even really know I was into guys at the time.”

“I was stupid,” he said and I laughed as I pulled him closer. When his chest hit mine I let go of his hand and reached for his face with both hands. I wiped the tear away, feeling his heat flushed cheeks as I leaned forward and kissed him.

I felt him relax and when he let out a breath through his nose I smiled and let my left hand drop from his face to his side. When he kissed me I gripped his side harder and heard him grunt then I felt his hand on mine and when he pulled himself out of my grip I groaned.

“What?” I said as he took a step backwards.

“I have to set this up,” he answered and I sighed.

“I have lube that’s all I need,” I said and when he scowled and walked away from the window to his bag I reluctantly followed.

I watched him unzip his bag and when he pulled it apart I saw a thermos with two cups nestled into a folded blanket. Grabbing the thermos he placed it on his desk, I grabbed the two cups and put them beside it as he pulled the blanket out. It was fluffy and I realized it was a sleeping bag that had been completely unzipped. It was a dark navy blue with a thick soft flannel fabric on one side. I helped him unfold it and lay it flannel side down on the floor, the cooler outer layer on top. In the bottom of his bag he had pillows. We both pulled one out, I tossed mine onto the sleeping bag after noting they smelled like his cologne and I smiled. In the very bottom was a tupperware box, when he grabbed it up I saw a small stack of sandwiches.

“Other than a lantern that should be it,” he said as I grabbed the lantern. The low light from the lamp was enough for me so I just sat it down without turning it on.

“How long are we staying up here?” I asked as I looked around at the spread of the place now.

“I don’t know, all night maybe, I thought about bringing Christmas lights to make it look better, but I thought that was a bit much,” he answered as he settled down on the sleeping bag. We had placed it in front of the bean bag and when he leaned back against it I slid over and sat beside him. We were sitting where the breeze from the fan hit us and when he reached over for the thermos I looked down to see the bottom of his shirt ride up exposing his side. Swallowing, I didn’t want the sandwiches, but my mouth was dry and when he handed me a cup I took it.

“This is nice, despite the reason you’re coming up here,” I said as I leaned further into the bean bag and held out my cup.

“I needed the escape,” he said as he poured what looked and smelled like tea. Not really liking the taste, I hoped I hid that from him. He wasn’t watching me as he concentrated on not spilling anything.

“Did you come up here any after we…?” I asked as he tilted the thermos over his own cup.

“A few times,” he answered and I wanted to keep questioning him, but I thought I risked the mood of the night if I did. I didn’t know what it felt like to need a private place to come to. To need the place for a safe space to reflect or contemplate whether or not you were still in good standing with God, or a good person at all, or whatever he thought about. I could only guess after knowing him. I couldn’t understand it at all. I didn’t have that in my life to think about, I didn’t know that I ever did, even back when I was too young to argue against church with Mom. I won that argument well before any of it sank in, but now I couldn’t really say much about what I believed. Seeing Luke never question any of it made him who he was and I wasn’t going to be in the way.

“What’s in the sandwich?” I asked and when he smiled and slid the tupperware box into his lap.

“Peanut butter and jelly,” he answered and when I laughed he shook his head. “I only had fifteen minutes.”

“You could have taken longer, I wasn’t counting,” I said and hoped he believed me, because I was counting every damn minute after rushing to get myself ready.

“I didn’t want to,” he said as he lifted his glass of tea to his lips. I watched him take a few drinks leaving the lid on the sandwiches. Turning to my own glass I chugged it down and carefully leaned over and placed it back with the thermos on the desk. Then I slid the sandwiches back off his lap and put them back into the bag. He watched me until I reached over and grabbed for the buttons of his shorts. Jumping slightly he put his glass on the desk and grabbed my hand.

“Don’t keep doing that,” I hissed as I half turned to get onto my knees.

“I need to tell you something,” he said, his face falling and I gave up on my planned second attempt to unbutton his shorts.

“What?” I asked as I studied him for any sign of bad news that would shatter me and ruin the night. I didn’t think he would go through all this effort, this perfect plan to get me alone to do anything like that, but his tone hadn’t been right since coming up here. I thought it was the attic and its purpose creeping in.

“When it looked like you were settled on Georgia I looked at the programs,” he said as he let go of my hand, but he left it on his thigh where we came to rest and when my hand moved up to his crotch he smirked. “And stop.”

“Alright,” I said, sighing as I slid my hand across to my own lap. “If you keep shutting me down I’ll need to go dunk myself into the river.”

“You’re too scared of the dark,” he countered, shaking his head.

“What about Georgia though?” I asked as my heart picked up a bit. The thought of having him to myself, states and hundreds of miles away was the perfect plan for me. I might flunk out after a year and get kicked off the swimming team, but it might be worth it.

“I didn’t get in,” he answered, frowning. “Mom found the rejection letter first and asked me why I was applying to Georgia.”

“Does she know I’m going there?” I asked, feeling a chill despite the warm attic.

“She will find out if she doesn’t know already, it was hard to miss earlier,” he answered, leaning his head back. “I’m sorry that I didn’t get in, when I protested by not doing homework last semester it did hurt my grades some.”

“Don’t be, it was a worthy cause,” I said, shaking my head. “You can try to apply again and there are other schools nearby. We could get an apartment together and commute or something.”

“No,” he answered smiling. “There’s a college forty minutes from here that has my exact major.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I have to take you with me.”

“You’ll be alright,” he countered, “it’s where Derek and Toby are going, so I won’t be alone.”

“I will be,” I said and when he nudged me with his shoulder I looked over at him.

“I don’t think you’re the type to ever be alone,” he said and I felt an unintentional heaviness that I didn’t think he meant. The fact that he once planned to come with me had me reeling and I wanted something stronger than iced down tea. When he smiled and leaned his shoulder against mine I returned it, even if I did feel punched in the gut.

“Just look at Georgia again, you could take extra credit this summer and reapply,” I said looking down at our hands still partially at war in our laps.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have told you,” he said and I blinked and glanced over at him. He wasn’t looking at me, but towards the open window. I knew that I was ruining the night, but he had to know what telling me would do. He was willing to leave all this and go with me, he tried to once. Now he wasn’t, now he was digging himself in and I didn’t want him to.

“Why didn’t you tell me in the first place?” I asked, feeling my face getting warm. “I could have helped you. We could have talked to Scott.”

“Stop, please,” he said and I heard him sigh and the bean bag shift slightly as he moved. For a brief moment I thought he was going to stand up and leave me sitting here. “I applied without really thinking it through, I don’t want to go.”

“Why would you stay here?” I asked, looking around at the attic. If this was a refuge for him here then I didn’t know why he would want to stay behind. It was out of the way, dark, and stuffy. No one would come up here looking for him, because no one would have a reason. Luke had one and that reason was to clear his mind, or whatever else he needed, but also to hide away. He couldn’t do it at home, home was too close and scary. Looking around all I could see were the vaulted ceiling and beams, the dimness, and the make-shift desk. All I could see was a prison and the only reason I didn’t get up to leave was that he brought me here and I wanted to be with him.

“I like it here,” he answered and I felt him shrug and when his hand found my leg I jumped and glanced down at it. Now it was his hand that was inching towards my crotch and it was my hand that was reaching over to stop him.

“How could you?” I asked, looking straight ahead. “We could be ourselves somewhere else.”

“I grew up here,” he answered and I felt his hand moving under mine. When I looked down his fingers were just inches from my crotch. My dick was responding, despite everything that was racing inside my head. “It’s our home, every good memory I’ve ever had was here.”

“And you couldn’t be happy anywhere else with me?” I asked, fighting back the urge to stand up and bolt again. He might be okay being alone, but I never was. He didn’t know, couldn’t have known what he dangled in front of me and then ripped away. My whole life I had people I loved around me and July, when I would be moving into my dorm so that I could start conditioning, I would be alone. I would have been okay, it might have been fun before we started all this. Now I felt like I was leaving too much behind me.

“Yes I would be happy there,” he answered, his voice falling off as he spoke like he didn’t want to admit it or answer me with the truth.

“The only way this works for me is if you come with me,” I said, turning to look at him. “I don’t think I can leave you here.”

“I’ll be fine,” he said, shaking his head.

“You’re not fucking getting it,” I said and I heard the break in my voice and grimaced as I looked away. “I am the one that won’t be.”

“Yes you will,” he countered and I felt him moving beside me. When his lips grazed my jaw line I let out a breath. When he kissed me again I let go of his hand and when he reached up and grabbed my chin I willingly turned my head and kissed him, reaching up to hold him there. I felt him smile and I rolled up and pinned him against the bean bag chair. I used my knees to spread his legs and when his hands found my sides I shuddered when I felt the air from the fan hit my warm skin.

“Stop trying to distract me,” I groaned, leaning away from him. “You’re breaking my fucking heart.”

“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching up to pull me back down. “We’re not going anywhere right now, so just stop thinking about it.”

I started shaking my head when he balled my shirt into his fist and I felt him pull against me again. Looking down at him trying to think of the words I needed, anything that would convince him. I didn’t have anything though, I couldn’t think with him looking up at me, his lips parted just showing the tips of his teeth behind them. He had a light sheen of sweat on his face and his cheeks were flushed. I wouldn’t win tonight, but I wasn’t going to give up.

“I hate you,” I hissed as I let myself fall into him and we both crashed back into the bean bag and I kissed him closing my eyes. I felt everything, the stubble on his cheeks, the warmth coming off him, the softness of the fabric of his shirt. When I moved my hand up his side pulling up his shirt a little as I went, I felt his heart racing under my fingers.

“I think I want you to,” he said as he broke the kiss.

“To what?” I asked, leaning back onto my knees.

“To,” he said, then nodded his head and despite having too many things going on inside my head I laughed when I understood him. Nodding my head as he leaned forward and pulled my shirt up. I let him pull it over my head before I reached and pulled his shirt off him.

Reaching down I ran my hand over his crotch and I watched him take a breath and roll his hips forward. With my other hand I undone his button and unzipped his shorts. Spreading the fly I reached inside and jacked him off, his soft boxer briefs against my palm. I felt a wet spot of precum when my hand found the tip of his dick. Having enough he grabbed hold of my arm just below my elbow and then lifted himself off the sleeping bag and I helped him pull his shorts off getting caught in his sneakers, I pulled them off with his shorts. The force it took sent me flying backwards and I landed on my ass. Laughing he leaned over and reached for my button and I watched him unbutton and unzip my jeans. I toed out of my shoes and then grabbed them and tossed them off the blanket and out of the way.

“Promise me something,” I said as I watched him tug on my jeans, pulling them down off my hips. I was sitting back up on my knees, so they were tight around me.

“What?” He asked as he stopped himself from reaching inside the open fly. I felt the tips of his fingers on my cock, just pressing it against me. Swallowing I looked over at him, I saw the beads of sweat forming on his chest and sliding down his sides and I almost lost my nerve.

“That you’ll not come back up here anymore,” I said, unable to take my eyes off him to look around again. “Come to me instead, now promise.”

“You know we can do this up here again,” he answered and this time I did look around at the desolation the attic provided. “Any time we want, we just have to look at the schedule to make sure there aren’t any reunions or something going on.”

“That’s not what I mean,” I said, my face getting warm at the new thought.

“I promise,” he said as he let go of my crotch and leaned back onto the bean bag.

“Good,” I said smiling as I chewed on my bottom lip. “And if we’re turning this into a sex shack, I want Christmas lights and a mini fridge for after.”

“Shut up,” he groaned, smiling as he pushed me off balance and I fell backwards again. He wasted no time tugging at the bottom of my jeans and when I lifted my ass he pulled them down over my hard on in my boxer briefs.

When we were naked, I saw apprehension creeping in. Taking him in, his hair was sticking up in all directions from me pulling his shirt off. He was sweaty enough that his skin had a shine to it in the low light from the lamp. It was getting late outside by now, it had to be. Being the only light in the attic it left long shadows of us on the opposite walls, but I did my best to ignore them. He was hard, and when I reached down and grabbed hold of him I watched his eyes close as he chewed on his bottom lip.

“You can fuck me first,” I said leaning forward. We were both on our knees and despite the padding the sleeping bag provided, the hard wooden slats that made up the floor underneath weren't the most comfortable.

“I want you to,” he repeated and I nodded with a smile and leaned forward. Kissing his chest I pushed him back down until he had to reposition to where he was sitting on the beanbag chair and his legs were out in front of him. Making my way lower, I felt the hair that trailed down from his chest to his navel. Being blond, his hair was just a shade darker than what was on his head, but in the low light I couldn’t see it. Feeling it tickle my lips as I went made my cock stay hard and ready as it slid against the slick fabric as I laid on my stomach. Reaching up I grabbed hold of his dick then pressed my lips against the head. Feeling me, I heard him suck in a breath as his hand found the back of my head. Opening my mouth, I let him in, instantly tasting the lingering precum from earlier and the salt of his sweat. Feeling his fingers pressing against the back of my head I glanced up to see him relaxed and looking towards the vaulted ceiling.

Closing my eyes I took more of him into my mouth. Using my tongue, I slid it over the bottom of his cock and when he balled his hand into a fist, trying to grab hold of my shorter hair I started moving my head back and forth until his hips started meeting me.

“Easy,” I said after I gagged and had to take him out of my mouth. With a quick smile down at me, I let him slide his cock back into my mouth.

“Sorry,” he grunted after a few moments.

I felt him tense, looking up to see his hint of abs creasing across his stomach as he opened his eyes and looked down at me. I felt his cock spasm in my mouth just as his come hit my tongue. Surprised, I pulled away from him as the second wave hit the corner of my mouth. Smiling as I shook my head, swallowing I replaced my mouth with my hand and started jacking him off as he continued to cum, his eyes tightly clothed as he hissed and lifted his ass up off the sleeping bag. When his hand reached up and grabbed hold of mine, he opened his eyes and let out a breath as he sat back down. I watched as his breathing evened out before I looked down and licked the head of his cock, laughing when he jumped.

“That was something,” I said as I pushed myself up off the sleeping bag.

“Yeah, that was,” he breathed, shaking his head as he finally let go of my hand and I lifted it off his cock. Looking around until I found my shirt I wiped off the corner of my mouth and chest before giving it to him, but he just sat it down.

“I have the lube,” I said as I leaned over and grabbed my jeans. Feeling around for it in my front pockets, I found the small bottle and pulled it out. When I turned back to him he was looking at me, sitting just as I left him, his hand half on my cum stained shirt. I watched him swallow and then smile as I settled back onto the sleeping bag.

“I want you to,” he said, already reading my mind, so I only nodded and took the cap off the lube. I squirted some on the palm of my hand. I watched him watch me jack myself off, making sure my cock was covered. Letting out a rushed breath I let go of my cock as he moved further up the bean bag until his ass was off the ground. Slowly, I reached between his legs with my finger. When I found his ass I rubbed the tip of my index finger around his hole as he tensed and sucked in a breath. Feeling my finger gliding around his hole, sliding easy from the lube, I pressed against him until the tip pushed inside of him. At first he clenched his ass and fought against it, but he reached down and grabbed my arm when I was going to move it away and held me there.

Swallowing, I realized I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. With him holding on to my forearm as I slowly moved my finger in and out of him, I looked up to his face as I pulled most of the way out, then on my way back slid in my index and middle finger. His eyes were closed, but I noticed the difference when the corners of his eyes creased and his bottom lip tucked behind his top teeth. We had done this before, this is as far as we’ve ever gotten. When he opened his eyes I smiled as his cock rebounded from his first orgasm. I didn’t touch it, wondering if I was allowed to from the last time.

“Are you ready?” I whispered when I heard a small moan escape his lips. When he nodded I rolled up on my knees and grabbed my cock. I ran my lubed fingers over it, sucking in a breath at the feel of the lube. With my nervousness that I hoped didn’t show, everything felt different. Like we were back at the beginning of all this and I was offering to let him fuck me. Something I never thought I would have ever done, but here we were.

“Yeah,” he answered and I nodded as I finally decided to just sit down on my ass. Then I gestured for him to come to me. When he understood what I wanted, he slid off the beanbag and crossed the small distance between us. When he was clear of the beanbag I pushed myself up again and off the sleeping bag and leaned forward onto my knees. Kissing him took some of the tension I felt and I let out a breath when he kissed me back. Reaching down I grabbed hold of his waist and held him there as I got between his legs. He was now on his back in front of me, watching me as I decided what I wanted to do.

When he laid himself back on his elbows I followed him until I felt my dick slide against his inner thigh. Feeling me there, I heard him suck in a breath just before I moved up and kissed him again. I knew I was holding off, my body wanting to move, but my mind was racing with how I was going to do this.

“Come the fuck on, Jackon,” I whispered and when I heard him laugh I looked up at him, breaking the line of kisses I was doing along his collar bone.

“Are you really giving yourself a pep talk?” He asked as I hovered above him.

“I might be,” I said as I felt the strain in my arms from holding myself up. My right hand was still firmly on his waist, so most of my weight was on my left. “So shut up and mind your business.”

Hearing him laugh I watched him, he had his eyes closed, but when he opened them and smiled I felt my heart respond in my chest, hammering just as hard as it was in the pool last week. His smile was what I needed though and I raised up onto my knees and grabbed hold of his waist with my other hand and lifted his ass up off the sleeping bag. Holding him there, I felt my cock slide along his ass and when I let go of his waist, I looked down and positioned the head of dick between us. Feeling his body tense as I found his hole, looking at him just as I pressed myself against him.

Feeling myself enter him, I sucked in a breath just as he moaned. I felt him reach down and grab hold of my arm as I moved my hand off my cock and back to his waist. Now that I was just inside him, I held myself there until the grip of his hand on my arm eased. He had shut his eyes tight and breathed through his teeth.

“You’re a lot bigger than your finger,” he said and I smirked, shaking my head.

“Thankfully,” I said as I reached up and ran the palm of my hand between his nipples, feeling the sweat and soft dusting of chest hair there. I let my hand trail down his stomach. Touching him seemed to relax him and when he opened his eyes I moved forward, lifting his legs further up my waist as I went. Sliding more of me inside of him until I was all the way in, I held myself there, hovering over him just close enough to feel his hard cock pressing against my stomach. I moved one arm up and he moved his head to use it for a pillow. Moving my head up, I kissed him and when I felt his hand grab the back of my head, holding me there I started moving my hips back a little, then forward again.

Breaking the kissing, I felt his breath against my neck. Shuddering, I focused on the tightness of him and the warmth of his body on my cock. It was the most intense feeling I ever felt and I kept up the slow thrusting of my hips until I felt him relax. When he did I leaned slightly away from him so that I could see his face as I started to quicken my pace.

When he moaned and moved his hand from the back of my neck to my back, as low down as he could reach, I felt the tips of his fingers digging into my skin. I knew without a doubt that I wouldn’t last long. Everything was just too intense. The feeling of him on my cock, his legs tight around my waist and his hand on my back.

“I’m going to,” he whispered suddenly as he stiffened underneath me and I felt his cum hit my chest. Feeling him cumming, my eyes shot open and when I looked down at him I only lasted a few more strokes inside of him before I grabbed hold of his hip as I swore under my breath and moved all the way inside of him. My whole body tensed as I started cumming, my breathing hitched as I gritted my teeth as he held me into place until I collapsed on top of him.

Feeling myself relax slightly, I was able to breathe deeper again as he let go of my back. I felt him rub his fingers up to my neck and when I lifted slightly off him he kissed me. It took me a second kiss before I came back down enough to kiss him back and slowly pull myself out of him. When he moaned I smiled and when I rolled over I stared up at the vaulted ceiling feeling more winded than I did during the eight hundred meter free.

We laid there, both of us breathing for a while, my arm going numb under his head. I wasn’t going to move at all, but he sat up and grabbed my cum stained shirt. I watched him clean his cum off his stomach before he handed it to me and I cleaned myself all the while looking over at him, wanting him to say something, anything.

“Jackson,” he said as he rolled onto his side.

“Yeah?” I asked as my heart kickstarted in my chest again.

“What do you want in our minifridge that we’re going to sneak up here?” He asked as he smirked to keep from laughing.

“Shut the hell up,” I groaned as he reached over and rested his hand on my chest.

“Come here,” he said and I scooted closer to him, well aware that we were both still naked and the cool air from the fan was hitting us.

“Are you going to tell me how I did, or what?” I asked as he slid his leg up and over mine. He was rubbing his fingers over the stubble on my stomach just below my belly button.

“No, I don’t think I will,” he answered and I looked over at him. “There’ll be no living with you if I did.”

“Damn,” I said, shaking my head. “That fucking good, then.”

“Yeah,” he said smiling.

“Ready for another go at it?” I asked and when he hit my stomach I grunted.

“We better get this cleaned up, just in case,” he answered, but when he didn’t move I didn’t either.

“Luke,” I said when his fingers started tracing lines across my stomach again. Turning my head to see his brown eyes looking at me, I smiled and rubbed the back of my hand across his chest. This was all still something I knew nothing about, but I didn’t ever care to stop and think what it all meant. What we risked with every glance or touch, or stolen kiss. I knew he was where I wanted to be. I was all in and I had been for a while.

“Tell me,” he said, probably already knowing what I was going to say.

“I love you,” I said as I smiled and he did too and I knew we were getting into the habit of saying it, but the new of the words hadn’t run its course. I hoped it never did.

“I love you too, Jackson,” he said and my smile widened as I felt him relax into my side.