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Do You Ship Us? - 24. Kiss and Tell?

Jasper hadn’t had the most restful of sleeps sharing a bed with someone else for the first time so he felt like he’d barely slept at all. Waking up first, he decides to skip the awkward waiting for Ryan to wake up, part, and just sneak out and go home early. At the very least he had to get pants on before Ryan woke up, bathed in darkness he could relax, but the idea of Ryan seeing him almost entirely naked was too much. He felt bad for still being a little uncomfortable with it all, but Ryan had made it clear that things would move at his pace. A pace that wasn't very fair, considering he could go from passionately kissing to the point where they are both completely flustered, and that's where Jasper would draw the line. Both of them wanting more, needing more and holding back. Before he sneaks off though, he finds Ryan’s journal again, and decides to add his own page to it. Leaving something sweet for Ryan to wake up to, since he knew that him running off would probably cause Ryan stress and confusion.

Dear diary,

I had an amazing night last night, the kisses were addictive, sharing a bed was weird and a little hard to get use to, but knowing the person beside me was mine was comforting. I woke up terrified of how much I felt at home and I ran away, but I want you to know that I am committed and my heart is running towards you. I didn’t know you could feel, the way I felt falling asleep last night, it scared me, and made me feel utterly addicted all at once. My inner adrenaline junky wants to dive into that feeling without a harness and just let myself drown in it, thank you for introducing me to what a relationship should feel like. I promise I will get completely caught up in this romance. Please don’t be put off if I try and play it cool around the others today, I wanted you to know my feelings, so you wouldn’t have any reason to question or doubt me when we’re back in reality.

From your under-qualified and under-confident "twink" boyfriend. xx

 

With a pep in his step, Jasper slides his key into the lock at the front door and walks in as quietly as he could, planning on sneaking back to his bedroom without being noticed, with any luck, no one would even know he'd been gone all night. He closes the door gently and starts creeping through the dorm.

“Well would you look at what the cat dragged in.” Blake’s smug voice almost echoes through the silent sleepy house.

“Since when are you awake this early?” Jasper asks quietly, caught by the one person who would ask and ask and ask until he got an answer, he needed to somehow get Blake's attention off himself.

“I’ve barely slept.” Blake shrugs, leaning back in the lounge chair with his coffee. “I got home and you weren’t here, I have been kinda waiting up for you.” Blake has a sip of coffee. “Never thought I’d see you do the walk of shame.” He smirks as he has another sip, eyeing Jasper like he's impressed.

“Oh I’m not.” Jasper answers with a sly smile, though he was avoiding eye contact with Blake.

“So you weren’t out with your mystery love interest?” Blake frowns, a tone of disappointment.

“No I was, I’m just not ashamed.” Jasper winks at him and starts heading up to his room quickly.

“What so that’s it? Where’s the details? I wanna know what you’ve been up to all night, spare no details!” Blake gets up, putting his now empty coffee mug down and chasing him up the hallway, nearly tripping over his own feet in his pursuit.

“I have no dirt to share.” Jasper shrugs as he walks off into his room, closing the door, not that it would stop Blake.

“Oh come on, I waited all night to hear this gossip.” Blake complains, walking straight into Jasper’s bedroom and closing the door.

"Do you mind? I want to get changed out of last nights clothes." Jasper says, pointedly.

"I’m not leaving until I hear something.” Blake crosses his arms and leans against his door, in an attempt to show him he is not getting out of this conversation.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” Jasper pokes his tongue out at Blake and takes his shirt off, grabbing out a fresh one and throwing it on.

“So there was a kiss?” Blake smirks. “There was a kiss and you stayed the night out, so obviously things went well. Spill." He orders.

“I really can’t talk about it in any more detail right now. Give me time, I don’t want to start something and get everyone involved in it and then have it all fuck up.” Jasper sighs, flopping back down on his bed. “How was your date with Beth?” He asks, successfully changing the topic at least for a bit.

“Good.” Blake shrugs, a little smile on his face. “Last night it felt like she actually wanted to be there with me, it was really comfortable. Di8d you tell her you were interested in someone? Because she seemed to kinda know and said some stuff about it like she doesn’t approve of who it is.” Blake asks, he felt guilty for bringing it up when he sees the crushed look on Jasper’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t think you’d care what she thought.”

“I care what you think, and you really like her so if she disapproves and you don’t then is that going to be a problem for you guys?” Jasper cuddles his pillow, worried now about telling Blake anything about him and Ryan, which was all he wanted to think about and talk about right now because the night had been so amazing. He really wanted to know he could trust his best friend to be there for him to confide in moving forward with the relationship.

“I will only disapprove if the person is someone I think isn’t going to treat you right.” Blake assures him, walking over to the bed and sitting on it. “You walked in here with such a big smile on your face, how could I doubt whether this secret girlfriend of yours is making you happy?” Jasper thinks back to his conversation last night with Jules, he knew his family wouldn’t want anything to do with this relationship but hearing Blake say the same kind of protective things she had, gave him hope that he’d be cared about just as much. Beside Blake had been the closest thing to family that Jasper had these days. “Even thinking about them is making you smile.” Blake comments and nudges Jasper.

"Go away. I need to sleep." Jasper says, burying his face in his pillow to hide the smile that he had no chance of supressing.

“Can't believe you stayed the night. That's a big step for you. You must be really into this girl. I am looking forward to meeting the person who is crazy enough to take on loving you, for a challenge.” He comments, getting up and heading out of his room to letJasper sleep. Jasper snuggles into his bed, hoping to get a little more sleep before everyone else starts waking up and the day has to start. Being alone in bed felt oddly empty and cold, but with his eyes closed he could almost imagine the soft breath against his neck, the warmth of a body pressed against his back, arm slung over his body to hold him close. Jasper even still felt like he could smell him. It's all so nice, so relaxing that in no time at all he's asleep, and dreaming about Blake finding out somehow and reacting badly.

 

After an extra hour of nightmare fueled sleep, Jasper gets up and makes his way out to the kitchen where he's lured by the smell of the pancakes Simon was cooking, with Luke setting jam, cream and butter on the table.

“Good morning, I didn’t hear you come home last night.” Simon gives him a questioning look, though not one Jasper couldn't just shrug off.

“Sorry, I lost track of time and didn’t end up back until early this morning.” Jasper states, walking to the fridge and getting some water.

“Even Blake was home before you.”

“Well with a 'no boyfriends overnight' rule, I’m not surprised he had to come home before midnight.” Jasper teases loudly as he sees Blake making his way down the hallway. Blake gives an exaggerated fake laugh and directs his middle fingers at Jasper as he drops into his usual seat at the table.

“For your information, her parents didn’t kick me out, I just didn’t think that the first time I was invited over for dinner, I should stay the night. I wanted to make a good impression.” Blake smiles, leaning back in his seat and stretching out.

“Well as long as you never touch her, I’m sure they will think you’re great.” Jasper jokes.

“I don’t know, they want grandkids.” Blake shrugs. “Can’t make that happen without touching her.” Jasper just looks at him shocked for a moment, Luke and Simon both looking from Jasper to Blake, not sure how the comment would be taken.

“I’m just trying to imagine you as a Dad, and I really can’t." Jasper hums to himself, amused by the thought. “Although, you guys would make amazingly cute kids.” Everyone’s attention turns to the front door as Ryan comes in, looking like he was somehow more attractive, though it was more likely just the absolute infatuation thst swelled in Jasper's heart the moment his eyes lock on the man whose bed he'd snuck out of this morning.

“Woah, where have you been?” Blake frowns at him, having completely forgotten about Ryan.

“Were you out last night too?” Simon asks. Ryan just nods at him and closes the door. ”I had no idea you were even gone, I just thought you went to bed early.”

“How’s your Mum?" Jasper asks, wanting to stop anyone assuming Ryan was out with someone.

“She's great.” Ryan smiles brightly at him. ”How was your night?" He asks casually.

“Awesome thanks. I’m hungry.” Jasper shrugs, walking over to the table and sitting down beside Blake.

“Hungry for more kisses from your mystery love interest?” Blake wasn't going to let this go.

“Well what can I say, I didn’t know romance could taste so good.” Jasper smirks and starts fanning himself, resisting the urge to look at Ryan who was likely wearing a massive grin on his face after hearing what Jasper had to say about the night.

“Ooooh do you have actual feelings for this one?” Simon asks as he sits down at the table with a plate full of pancakes for everyone to share.

“Rude. I’ve always had actual feelings for people I want to date. Just sometimes the feelings weren’t enough. This time, is different.” Jasper grabs a pancake and covers it in jam and cream, Ryan sits across from him, smiling as he serves himself a pancake too.

“I get the feeling you’ll sleep with this one.” Blake nudges Jasper who promptly starts choking on his pancake. Two days in a row Blake had him almost die over a comment.

“So, Chris wants to kick me out of the band.” Ryan clears his throat and announces to take the attention away from Jasper.

“Oh what?” Simon’s attention was quickly diverted to him. Jasper gets up and walks off to get a glass of water to stop himself choking, thankful that Ryan had his back. Such a good boyfriend.

“Why does he want to kick you out?” Blake asks shocked

“Because I bribed him to give us back our songs and he retaliated with that.” Ryan lies, glancing at Jasper who gives a fake smile. He had a feeling something would come from this and it was better that they got most of the story straight up even if it wasn’t exactly what had happened.

“How did you bribe him?” Luke asks frowning at him confused.

“By telling him I was going to tell everyone about him manipulating my mum into sex to get me in and keep me in the band in the first place.” Ryan tells them with a shrug, looking around at the silent shocked faces.

“You know, you really have a way of coming out with these shock statements when we really don’t expect it.” Jasper clears his throat, returning to the table, he places a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we won’t let him do anything to you, you’ve worked hard and you’ve earned your place in here. We’re never going to let him get away with the shit he’s been doing.” Jasper assures him confidently, moving back to his seat.

"Wait is that why he made you sign an NDA? Doesn't that mean he can take you to court if you expose him?" Luke asks.

"Well yeah but he's the one manipulating people into sex so I don't exactly think he's got the moral high ground to shut me up, NDA or not." Ryan shrugs.

"He really is absolutely revolting." Simon shakes his head, continuing to be shocked by his misjudgment. Everyone is caught up in conversation about Chris for the rest of the time they are eating. Ryan was relieved to hear no one mention him not genuinely earning his place in the band or anything to that effect. It was all support for him and disgust for Chris.

Since Jasper was already dressed, he takes the opportunity to sneak into Ryan’s room, while everyone else is getting ready to head into the studio after breakfast.

“What are you doing?” Jasper smiles, closing the door behind himself and sitting on the floor in front of Ryan who was on the floor stretching his legs.

“Just catching me doing something I’m weirdly uncomfortable about doing in front of people.” Ryan sighs, leaning back against his bed and relaxing. “Everything ok?” He asks, sensing that Jasper had something on his mind by the way he's going between fiddling with his hair and picking at his nails.

“Yeah, I’m just thinking about something.” Jasper shrugs, knowing he'd elaborate but not yet sure he was 100% about what was on his mind. “I am going to tell Blake about me.” Jasper announces with a sigh, looking to Ryan for his reaction. Ryan just nods, his face holding a calm yet concentrated expression. "I don't know, I just, I don't think I can keep it from him. He's like a brother to me, and now that he knows I'm seeing someone he's not going to stop asking questions and making comments and I just don't want him to find out by mistake, you know? He waited for me to get home this morning, like he stayed up and waited to interrogate me the minute I walked in the door and I couldn't tell him anything, then I slept for a bit and kept dreaming of him like, catching us making out or something and hating me and I think the longer I don't tell him the more I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about the 'what ifs' and I don't want to do that." Jasper says all in practically one breath, warranting a deep sigh when he's finished. Ryan is just watching him with an encouraging smile.

“Ok, he is your best friend so he should definitely know, if for no other reason than so he can stop asking making comments that make you uncomfortable when you have a mouthful of food or drink.” Ryan tells him, amazingly managing to keep a straight face while the mention of it makes Jasper's face feel like it's burning.

"He has been on a roll lately and his timing is impeccable." Jasper looks up at the ceiling, just to avoid the smirk he could feel emanating from Ryan's stupidly handsome face.

“So, what do you want to tell him?” Ryan asks, bringing the focus back to what Jasper was really grappling with.

“I don’t know, it’s not just about what I want, do you want me to just say I’m gay and I have a boyfriend? I don’t have to tell him about us.” Jasper suggests with a shrug, biting his lip as he looks at Ryan.

“I’m not ashamed of our relationship, it’s probably going to help to have someone that is aware of us. Lets just tell him.” Ryan stands up, he walks over to Jasper and reaches a hand out for him, helping him to his feet too.

“You know, for all the times I see you get anxious and scared about any situation, I really didn’t expect you to be so calm about this.” Jasper holds Ryan’s hand and is pulled into him close as Ryan presses a quick kiss to his lips.

“I’m not afraid of this. I trust you with my heart and I am confident with you. If you are ready to tell Blake, then I support you and I will not ask you to lie about who you are with. If you’re out, I’m out.” Ryan tells him calmly.

“I love you.” Jasper sighs, something he only realizes now that he says a little too casually to people.

“What?” Ryan laughs at Jasper.

“Oh, no that wasn’t it. That wasn’t the declaration.” Jasper explains quickly, making a mental note that he had to think more about his vocabulary. “I’m so sorry, I was just...”

“I’m sure I’ll know when you’re saying it for real.” Ryan smiles at him and leans forward for another kiss but Blake opens his door, that impeccable timing again.

“Are you guys ready to go?” Blake asks, completely unaware of what he’d almost walked in on.

“Yep, we’re all good.” Jasper turns around and walks out of the room with a cheeky smile on his face. Blake puts his arm around Jasper’s shoulders and walks with him down the hallway.

“Are you scheming with Ryan about how to handle things with his mum?” Blake asks way too enthusiastic about whether they had a plan yet, and offering an easy lie that Jasper could use as a cover story.

“I’m leaving it up to Ryan.” Jasper answers, with a sigh. “Although my plan was to kick his door down and just punch him in the face.”

“You? You’re too much of a pipsqueak to even think about hitting him. I’d love to see you actually punch someone, especially him. It'd make my whole life.” Blake laughs, and Jasper elbows him in the chest, making him let go.

“See, I can hit.”

“Like a pansy.” Blake teases playfully, putting his arm around Jasper again.

“Don’t tempt me to hit you harder.” Jasper warns.

“Now it just feels like you’re looking for any excuse to touch me.” Blake nudges him.

“You’re the one with your arm around me, nudging me, trying to make me hit you.” Jasper teases back.

“Yeah, not like that. Keep the gay shit for the stage, or better still, never.” Blakes comment was light-hearted and joking but Jasper just sighs and looks over at Ryan who fakes a smile at him. He’d heard Blake make these kind of comments before and had never worried about it before but having just suggested he’d tell him about their relationship, he felt really disheartened to hear his best friend talk like that.

“Well, tell me how you really feel.” Jasper mutters and steps away from Blake, trying to will himself to keep from having an unreasonable reaction to this 'joke'.

“Now that people know I’m dating Beth, you’re going to have to find a new friend to fake it with, BlaSper can finally be laid to rest and you can set the RySper ship sail. That’s what all our pervy fans want anyway. It’s poor Ryan’s turn have his sexuality questioned just for being your friend. Wait until the world knows you’re not even gay, I mean they doubted the sincerity with Beth, but you seem different this time around so maybe they will finally believe that you are normal after all.” Blake laughs and messes up Jasper’s hair but Jasper whacks his hand away a little aggressively.

“I don’t know whether to pull you up for suggesting gay people aren’t ‘normal’ or to tell you off for saying ‘poor Ryan’ when referring to him having to cosy up to me on stage for the sake of a little fan service. Either way, I’m a little insulted.” Jasper admits, tidying his hair then crossing his arms and walking a little faster to get away from Blake.

“Don’t take me the wrong way.” Blake rolls his eyes, still smiling.

“Then maybe next time, think about your wording, so you don't come across like a jerk.” Jasper shouts over his shoulder as he's walking out the door and heading for the car, no intention of stopping to talk it through, he was too hurt to even play it off right now.

“What’d I say that deserved that reaction?” Blake asks Ryan who just gives a shrug.

“From what I overheard, pretty much all of it.” He states, stepping past Blake and walking out the door, he wanted to race to catch up to Jasper, make sure he was ok, but he knew that the issue was Blake's opinion and he figured this might be a good moment to give him a little push in the right direction. “For the record, my general lack of attraction to basically anyone has resulted in me being called ‘not normal’ plenty of times and every time, it hurt me because this is as normal as I know myself to be. This is the normal that I am and there’s no changing it, so why does everyone who feels differently to me, feel the need to make out like I am less of a person for the way I feel? I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, but just, think about the way things you say can upset others, even and especially if you don’t know why it does.” Ryan turns and continues down to the car while a Blake follows slowly, pondering what’d been said.

@Copyright (2018), Claire Rosalind; All Rights Reserved.
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Nice to see Jasper and Ryan's relationship blossoming.  I liked the idea of their opening up to Blake, but the question now arises as to whether Blake is homophobic or merely a crass, unthinking heterosexual. The fact that he's thinking about Ryan's parting words is at least a good sign.

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It’s great to see Jasper and Ryan’s relationship blossoming. Let’s hope Blake isn’t homophobic when they open up to him, just an unthinking heterosexual.

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Even if Ryan and Jasper come out to the other 3 guys, they'll probably have to hide their relationship from the public. I have a feeling the fanbase will have a harder time accepting the boys' relationship than the band members. 

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