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Do You Ship Us? - 37. The Awkward Part

Ryan and Jasper arrive at the club neither talking as they get to the table where the other guys were sitting with their first round of drinks.

“I’m getting a drink.” Jasper goes to the bar quickly. Blake eyes Ryan who just sits with the others quietly. Jasper returns not long after with his drink that he was sipping at every few seconds, the glass already half empty by the time he got to the table.

“You alright?” Blake asks, frowning at Jasper and glancing at Ryan who hadn’t said a word yet.

“There’s something you guys need to know.” Jasper starts but Ryan cuts in quickly.

“About me.” He looks at Simon and Luke with a serious and nervous expression.

“You’re being weird. Did something happen between you guys?” Blake whispers to Jasper who without hesitation finishes his drink instead of answering.

“So, the thing is, Jasper and I have been dating for a while.” Ryan tells the two who hadn’t been in on it, but to his surprise they just share a look and Luke puts his hand out.

“You owe me $50.” Luke orders, looking pretty pleased with himself.

“Wait, what?” Ryan frowns and glances at Jasper who just shrugs and excuses himself to the bar again, intrigued more by his behaviour than Ryan’s conversation, Blake follows his friend to the bar.

“We figured, after Jasper came out it just made sense that you were the guy he was seeing. He changed after you turned up in the group and you guys got close really fast. Plus you guys seem like you work as a couple, you mellow him and he brings out more of your playful side. Simon thought you’d not come out until like 6 months together. I bet within 3. You weren’t being that secretive anyway.” Luke grins as Simon passes him the money then leans over the table and pats Ryan’s shoulder. “Glad you felt comfortable telling us though dude. We’re happy for you both.”

“You’re just happy you won the bet. But why did you choose now to tell us?” Simon asks. “And obviously Blake already knew because he is more interested in what Jasper is doing right now?”

“Yeah Blake knew.” Ryan looks over at the bar at Blake and Jasper who were talking. “Jasper just said to me before he’s thinking of coming out officially at the last concert, and he suggested that he wants me to as well so we can start acting like a couple everywhere we are and not just when we are on our own.” Ryan tells the guys.

So things are getting serious then?” Luke smirks.

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Ryan nods, looking over again at Blake and Jasper who were walking off together towards the roof.


“Details.” Blake orders as soon as they are out of earshot.

“Oh my god. I am not going to tell you details of anything.” Jasper groans, staring at his drink and taking a big sip.

You’re right, I don’t really want details. But how far? What happened? Who started it?”

“Why do you want to know?” Jasper rubs his hand over his face.

“It’s a big deal. You deserve to have someone to talk to about it. I’ve told you I’m comfortable with you guys. You can talk to me about this stuff.” Blake nudges Jasper who just sighs and looks down from the roof. “Are you at least ok?”

“Yes. I just didn’t realize the awkward part would be having to continue on the day like normal afterwards.” Jasper comments embarrassed. He sits down on the ground on the roof of the club and has another big sip of his drink, he was already feeling a little dizzy from how fast he’d had his first drink and the shot he’d snuck off to the bar to have before this drink. “He was giving me a massage.” Jasper starts. Blake just sits down beside him and puts an arm around his shoulders.

So he went for the classic sensual massage huh.” Blake teases.

“It was just a normal massage.” Jasper laughs.

“With a happy ending.” Blake suggests.

“Oh my god, you’re embarrassing.”

So a normal massage. Then?”

“Then I kinda asked him not to stop and it just felt, comfortable to be a little more...” Jasper doesn’t continue the sentence, not sure how to tell Blake about what happened next.

“Was he good to you? Didn’t push you further than what you were ready for?”

“Well, he didn’t get a chance. What was your first time like?” Jasper looks at Blake who smiles and shrugs.

“It’s never how you expect it to be, never as good and never as long. You’ve based your expectations of fanfiction, but lots of fanfiction is written by 15 year old virgins with the wrong anatomy to be describing these things from a male perspective.”

“Mm, that’s where I first went wrong.” Jasper laughs to himself.

“It gets better though, trust me. In fact, when it’s with someone serious, you’ll probably find it will eventually exceed all expectations because you’ll work out all the tricks that work with each other. Avoiding him will only make it more awkward. He’s probably questioning himself too if you didn’t talk about it afterwards. Might I suggest, you guys take a break?”

“What? We’re happy, there’s no need to do that.”

“Not that kind of break, I mean, when the court case is going ahead after the concerts and all that, we’re not really working anyway. Go away on a romantic holiday. Away from us, somewhere you can be awkward and uncomfortable together.” Blake suggests. Jasper sighs and finishes his drink quickly. “I’m sorry whatever happened, or didn’t get a chance to happen, wasn’t what you thought it would be. From what I know of Ryan though, that kinda stuff is important to him and he would have respect for you. No matter how awkward it was.”

“Thanks. You’re right, a holiday to relax and focus on our relationship will be good.” Jasper finishes his drink. “Suppose I should repay you for your support, so have you and Beth done anything?”

“Not yet, we’re trying to take it slow. I don’t want to rush her or anything. Plus I’m a little worried she’ll freak out on me like you have and I’ll think I ruined the relationship.” Blake jokes, nudging Jasper who had just finished his third drink. “You need to stop drinking when you are stressed or angry Jas.”

“I’m not, I’m embarrassed drinking.” Jasper answers but Blake just gives him a stern look. “I know, it doesn’t seem healthy, I just know he is going to need to talk about it and I don’t think I can without a bit of liquid courage, you know?” He shrugs.

“He’s your boyfriend, you should be able to talk to him about this stuff without needing to drink yourself there. He’s not going to judge you, he’s probably busy judging himself or thinking he took advantage of you or something. You have to just be awkward and honest otherwise you’re both going to get more and more uncomfortable about it. Was it really that bad?” Blake frowns at him.

“No, but I spent longer in the shower thinking about how I was going to face him and washing away the shame of how quickly it was over, than I did actually enjoying what he was doing.”

“That’s nothing to be embarrassed about. At least he knows you were into it.” Blake laughs then pulls himself together as he sees Ryan walk through the door on the roof. “Truth is Jas, no one’s first anything is anything but awkward and a little embarrassing. Be grateful you had that experience with someone who cares about you and won’t tease you for it.” He says quietly then stands up. Jasper looks at Blake then sees Ryan approaching and groans a little before standing up too.

“Don’t let him have more to drink, I caught him having a Jagerbomb at the bar and he just chugged a drink. Oh and congrats on coming out to the guys, I’m going to go catch up on the gossip now.” Blake pats Ryan’s shoulder and walks away.

“Hey.” Ryan gives Jasper a smile as he moves over beside him.

“I’m sorry I’m being awkward.” Jasper sighs, looking out over the city and not at Ryan.

“That’s usually my line. I’m the awkward one in this relationship and you’re the confident one remember?” He jokes. Jasper sighs again and leans his head on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Were you disappointed before?” Jasper asks nervously.

“No. Were you?” Ryan asks back.

“Not with what you were doing, just with the me part.” Jasper shakes his head. “I’m sorry I freaked out though.”

“Don’t be. I was worried, not upset with you.” Ryan slides an arm around Jasper’s waist to try and comfort him.

“I just wanted when stuff happened between us for it to be amazing, because like, you and Damien obviously hooked up and Damien would have known what he was doing and...”

“I’m going to stop you there and remind you that we agreed the world wouldn’t revolve around my ex, and reassure any part of you that is thinking that you have some kind of standard to meet, that with everything you already do, you exceed that imaginary standard. Yeah he knew what he was doing when he would get me drunk so I’d be easier to talk into things but it was never that fun for me and he never made me feel like I was good enough anyway. The more things progress in this relationship, the more I resent that there is even anyone for you to feel like you have to compare yourself to. We never had a healthy, functional and consensual relationship. Right through there was manipulation and deceit and even the times I was in control of myself completely, I was making decisions based on lies and false promises. I want you to feel in control of yourself and comfortable, and sober and good enough and to enjoy moving forward knowing that there is no pressure and no expectations. All I want is for our time together to feel real and special. You’re the first person I haven’t felt like I have to act a certain way just to have approval from, in a very long time. I hope you know you have me 100% just as you are, no matter how you judge yourself. I’m never going to judge you or wish more from you than the absolute gift of what I already have.” Ryan presses a quick kiss on Jasper’s head and holds him a little firmer. Jasper just turns his body to face Ryan’s and looks up into his eyes.

“Damien was a fucking tool losing you. Was your brain crafted by the same angels that did your body because you are just all round perfection. Can we go home? I am having a strong urge to more intensely affectionate than what’s acceptable of even a straight couple in public right now.” Jasper says with a flirty smile. Ryan smiles back and takes Jasper’s hand.

Yes to going home, but I’m making a pants on rule for when you’re drunk.” He states and Jasper whines at him then turns away.

“See, you’re an angel. What if I sober up in the car?” Jasper bargains.

“I’ll be surprised if you don’t fall asleep in the car to be honest. If I can get you to bed without you passing out on me, I’ll be happy.” Ryan teases, throwing his arm over Jasper’s shoulder’s as they head out.

@Copyright (2018), Claire Rosalind; All Rights Reserved.
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