I know that without a single doubt. I’ve known that for a long time, and he knows that he’s mine. We wouldn’t have it any other way — none of us would. Dane asked me when I knew I wanted to be with him, and I always tell him that I’d wanted it for almost as long as I’ve known him, but I knew that I wasn’t going to let him go. I’d lost Seth, but I wasn’t going to lose him, and I was going to do everything in my power for him to be mine completely. That day was the day our relationship really changed.
March 14th, 2017
“You ready to go?” Dane asked from my bedroom doorway. I looked away from my mirror to see Dane dressed in a well fitted blue button down, untucked from dark wash jeans him. He looked good, really good. Tonight we were going to a barbecue one of his co-workers was having at his house. Dane’s friends and other co-workers would be there and besides Russ and Wes I didn’t know any of them. I wasn’t looking forward to this event, I wasn’t social by nature but I was even less so around people I hadn’t ever seen before. The only reason I’d wanted to go was to be with Dane, and because I wanted to be apart of his life more now than ever. I didn’t want to miss anything, not matter how much out of my comfort zone it was.
“Yeah I’m ready,” I looked down at my simple grey button down and jeans, I was dressed similar to Dane.
“I’d ask if you stole that out of my closet, but I bought that shirt for you,” He laughed, looking at my clothes.
“Yeah that’s why I look like you, because you bought it,” I grumbled, not upset about it in the least, but I had to pretend for pretenses. I can’t make it to easy on him after all.
“Come one we’re going to be late,” he said as he turned and walked back downstairs. I followed behind him, but not before giving Seth’s picture on my desk a brief glance. I smiled woefully at the picture before I followed Dane outside to his truck. Getting into the black chevy I buckled in as he pulled out of the driveway. As he drove I watched Dane through the side of my eye as he drove, his scruffy face intent on the road in front of him.
In the months since the accident a lot had changed in my life — A lot had changed between me and Dane. Many demons still haunted me, I fought them daily, and sometimes they lurked in my darkest thoughts coating my mind in a thick layer of guilt and loss that was hard to come out of. Dr. Corbin helped a lot, he always seemed to know exactly what to ask, what I needed to talk about. It was a chance to vomit up the vile thing that built inside of me when I was with him, but Dr. Corbin wasn’t the one who really kept me grounded.
No, that was Dane.
I didn’t bother sleeping in my room anymore. The only things in there were some of my less worn clothes and my art supplies. My room was no more than an office space at this point, and I had no intention of changing that. Sleeping with Dane every night eased the anxiety inside of me that fueled my nightmares, the ones where I woke up screaming for him… and Seth. If I could wake up with at least one of them in my arms, it kept the demons in my head from poisoning my fractured soul. There had been one night that I’d woke up, breathing hard after an intense recount of the accident, I hadn’t screamed but Dane had still woke up beside me. His grey eyes had watched me silently, patiently as he draped a strong arm over my side and pulled me in close. I had curled into his warmth like I always did, grateful I was his to take care of. That was Dane though. He said he didn’t know what I needed, but he always seemed to do the exact thing that made me feel whole again.
“What are you looking at?” His eyes shifted briefly off the road to look at me before going back.
“You,” which was obvious, but I knew that’s not what he was asking me.
“You’d think you’d get tired of doing that,” he said with a hint of amusement.
I snorted, “Don’t get your hopes up, you’re not getting rid of me,” and he wasn’t, I’d already decided that I wouldn’t make the mistakes I’d made with Seth, I wouldn’t let anyone or anything take Dane away from me.
I’d do whatever I had to do be with him forever.
Dane smirked, his cheeks dimpling slightly like they always did. I wanted to kiss those small spots, taste him….but I couldn’t, not yet. “I don’t want to get rid of you, Ty.” His voice had gone serious as if he wanted to make sure I understood him.
“I know,” I said quickly. “I was just remembering something, I zoned out. I’m not having a panic attack.” I’d started having them after the accident, sometimes they were for the most random reasons, but other times they were brought on by memories. Dr. Corbin had said I had PTSD but I’d told him that was a load of shit and that I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I think he’d told Dane about it because he’d been more watchful of me afterwards. Not that he wasn’t already a helicopter always hovering, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t need it.
We pulled into a paved driveway that led up to a nice two story house in the middle of a suburban neighborhood. The house was nice but it wasn’t warm and inviting like our home, it’s sharp edges were too hard and the color to bland to make it feel like a home. I decided after a few seconds I really didn’t like the modern looking structure, something about it seemed to clinical.
“Ty,” Dane said as he put the truck in park behind one of the other cars park outside the house. “If you want to leave at any point let me know ok? We don’t have to stay long if you don’t want to.”
“Don’t worry, D. I don’t mind hanging out.” I really didn’t mind, but I might not talk much because it wasn’t really my nature to be socially outgoing. It wasn’t Dane’s nature either, so I had a feeling we were going to be listening to a lot of pointless banter tonight. That was a depressing thought, when instead I could have been spending my saturday night curled up with Dane on the couch, brushing my lips across his shoulder so gently that he wouldn’t notice I was doing it. Or at least he never said anything when I did do it. I’d woken up yesterday with my mouth on his throat sucking and licking his stubbled skin while my hips had rocked into his abdomen. Dane had woke me up with a pat on the back, whispering in my ear, “Wake up, Ty. You’re going to make a mess.” I’d gotten up, begrudenly, but not before I’d nipped sharply at his neck pretending I was still caught up in my dream. I’d taken care of myself in the shower while Dane had gotten dressed in the bedroom.
“Alright,” he said as he got out of the truck. I followed behind him, walking up the paved driveway packed with cars. We walked through the open back gate and into the backyard where everyone was mingling. It was a big backyard with an extensive patio and grill that people milled around talking loudly as they ate grilled food from paper plates.
“Staff Sergeant Huntsman, you made it.” A man - a small man - said as he walked up with a wide smile.
Dane smiled, but it didn’t reach his grey eyes like it did at home. I’d never seen such a superficial expression on Dane’s face before, it was weird. I looked at the man again as they shook hands. “Staff Sergeant McLain, hello,” Dane said, his voice lacking any actual enthusiasm.
The man was short, maybe only a few inches over five and a half feet. He also had a birdface with a narrow pointed nose that made me wonder if he’d broken it at some point because of the hump in the middle. McLain’s bird like eyes locked onto me from over Dane’s shoulder. “Who’s this giant?”
Giant? I was big, but I was only a giant compared to the midget in front of me. Next to Dane I was only a few inches taller and the perfect size. A slight tick in Dane’s jaw started, hinting that he was starting to get irritated.“Staff Sergeant, this is Ty, my—” Dane paused, looking at me for a quick second before turning back to McLain and saying, “my boy.”
Warmth bloomed in my belly spreading through all my organs till I thought I might actually shit a rainbow. He’d called me his, right in front of someone from work. Granted, it could be mean a lot of things, but to me it meant I was his, and that was everything to me.
McLain’s eyebrows drew together in a confused expression on his hawk-like face. “You’re boy?” He looked me up, up, up and down before his eyes flicked back to Dane. “I didn’t know you swung that way, Huntsman.” He said with a sarcastic wave of his hand.
Who the fuck was this short prick? I growled deep in my throat, a hot anger replacing the warm glow I’d been enjoying. Dane’s hand settled on my chest, anticipating me as I stepped forward towards the piece of shit in front of us. Dane’s nostrils flared, his grey eyes darkened to a deep shade of gunmetal as he looked down at the birdman. Whatever this was between them, it was something that had been going on longer than just the past few minutes, this was a fued years in the making.
If this piece of shit thought he was going to talk like that to my man, he’d better be prepared to have my foot up his ass. “He’s my guardian moth—”
“Dane, Ty, you guys made it!” Wes said as he walked up interrupting me right before I could tell the little shit off. Wes patted me on the back with the familiarity owed to him after so many years of friendship with Dane. He and Russ were the only two people Dane had that I would consider his friends, he didn’t do much better in the socializing department than me. Wes made a surprised sound as he stood beside me, “Staff Sergeant McLain, I didn’t see you there! Don’t worry it’s not hard to get blocked out by Ty, he’s a beast for a sixteen year old huh!”
Now I remembered why I liked Wes, the man was quick witted like no one else, and when it came to veiled insults Wes was as good as it got. He must have hit the mark because McLain frowned, an angry flush coming over his skin as he nodded his head to Wes. McLain opened his mouth to say something only for Wes to cut him off before he could say anything. “Hey, good to see you man, but we got to go find Sergeant Sinclair,” Wes said easily dismissing the annoying man as he walked off expecting me and Dane to follow. We did, but not before I gave the little shit a silent sneer. His face became even redder but he also turned away and walked off, obviously he’d lost this round of whatever war was going on between him and Dane.
We found Russ, and it wasn’t long before him and Wes were talking shit while Dane and I listened in with amusement. Both of us got some food and ate while we chatted with the two men, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, except for Midget McLain. That man was on my personal shit list. As I ate I wondered why I had never heard about him from Dane. Not once had he come home and said he had an issue with another Staff Sergeant, it made me wonder what else he didn’t tell me. How much did I really know about him?
I looked at my silent guardian who was laughing at something Wes had said. Dane knew everything about me I realized, but what did I really know about him? The thought was sobering making me lean towards him unconsciously, seeking him out while the yawning gap spanned immeasurably in my mind. How had I not realized how little I really knew about him?
“Ty?” Dane laid a gentle hand on my side, rubbing up and down to sooth the slight tremble through my body. “What’s wrong?” Both Wes and Russ stopped talking as they noticed Dane’s focus was completely on me, his grey eyes searching my face for signs of an impending panic attack.
“I’m fine,” no I wasn’t, I didn’t know anything about him. He was keeping things from me, like Seth had. Was he also trying to protect me from some unwanted truth?
“We’re leaving, c—”
“Sinclair, Jacks, Huntsman, what’s up?” A man asked as he and a few other men joined our little group, unknowingly interrupting Dane as they did. “Who’s that?” The same man asked as he looked at me.
I discreetly disconnect from Dane, unwilling to embarrass him in front of his fellow soldiers. “I’m Ty Huntsman,” I said before adding, “Dane’s my guardian.”
The man nodded while the others around him looked on with the same expression of surprise. Apparently I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know things about Dane. It was becoming obvious that he hadn’t told anyone at work about me. The man introduced himself as Shane, and the others said various names that I wasn’t really paying any attention to. I was lost in my own head as I stole side glances at Dane, who was being pulled into conversation by the new arrivals.
They talked about various military things that I didn’t understand, asking Dane questions about something to do with engineering which was what his specialty was. The conversation stayed on mundane topics for a good thirty minutes, it wasn’t until fucking McLain showed up, beer in hand, that is shifted. He didn’t make eye contact with me or Dane as he was greeted into the group. After a few moments the short man laughed buoyantly as he said “any of you catch sight of Sanders rack?”
Shane nodded, a lewd smile on his face. “Corporal Sanders? Yeah I’ve seen those huge tits on her, I could motor boat those till I was high,” one of the men laughed causing the others to follow suit, the alcohol in their systems loosening their tongues. Dane tensed beside me as the men continued on unaware.
“Her ass is just as big, I bet my dick would get choked between her massive cheeks,” another one of them added.
Were they seriously talking about a fellow soldier like that? I watched them throw more comments around as if it meant nothing to degrade a woman they worked with just because she wasn’t here to hear it. Was this the shit Dane had to hear everyday? My teeth ground together as I fought back the snarl building in my chest.
“That’s enough,” Dane said, his voice sounding deathly flat. They all stopped laughing instantly staring at him with confused and irritated faces, only Russ and Wes looked unsurprised by the interruption. It was silent for a few moments, each of the men unsure what to say to break the moment. Of course fucking McLain didn’t have that problem.
“Shit,” McLain said as he looked between the other men. “I forgot what a prude you were, Huntsman.” He looked at some of the other men before taking a sip of his beer, “Caitlyn told me all about your defective cock, so it’s understandable you wouldn’t want to talk about using it.”
There was a deadly silence as the comment hung in the air around the group. For the second time in only three hours my blood boiled. What was wrong with this man? What the fuck was he talking about? And the others? I wanted to break him, wrap my hand around his neck and watch as I cut off his airflow. My hands tightened into painful fists, the nails digging into the flesh as I held them at my sides, vibrating with the need to punch him. Russ and Wes stood there shocked, looking at Dane for some kind of understanding as if they didn’t know what to do. I had to say something, anything, I—
“I’m sixteen,” I barked, breaking the tense silence, everyone's attention diverting to me. I knew he’d stopped them for more than just that, but it was a good enough reason and it would make McLain look like an fucking dick.
McLain didn’t say anything, it was Shane who spoke up. “Really?” He asked as he looked at me incredulously. “You don’t look sixteen.”
I wanted to say, ‘well you all don’t look like assholes, but looks can be deceiving’ instead I said — “Yeah I know,” I growled, cause what else was I going to say to this asshole? I wanted to beat the shit out of him, but that definitely wasn’t an option on the table. I stared past the idiot to the short bastard sipping his beer, a cocky grin tilting the corner of hip lips.
“Come on Ty, let’s go home.” Dane said as he turned away and walked off without a goodbye. I figured Wes and Russ would understand, so I turned and followed without question. I was happy to leave this shit show behind. I needed to leave before I beat the shit out of a US soldier. Everything had been fine when it was just Wes and Russ, but that’s where it had ended. Why had Dane even come to this? He had to know that he wouldn’t have a good time with so many people he clearly disliked attending, so why did he come? What had McLain been talking about with that bitch Caitlyn?
I held all my questions in as we walked back to the truck, the lines in his back stiff as I followed behind him. We got into the truck and still didn’t say anything, I was still trying to decide what to ask him first. Was he keeping things from me? Why didn’t he tell me about the shit he dealt with at work? Did he not want to confide in me? I stewed in the passenger seat feeling the knot inside of my become more tangled, to the point I didn’t know what I actually felt. We spent the entire ride home in silence. Complete and utter silence, and not the comfortable silence I was used to with him. It was painful to want to speak but not knowing what to say. Seth would know. He was good at knowing what to say, but he wasn’t fucking here and I needed to figure it out on my own.
When we got home, Dane got out without breaking the silence, making my gut tremble with nerves. Something wasn’t right, like my skin was to tight I could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves as he went into the house. I kept up with him following right behind him into the house and up the stairs as he went into his room. He reached the doorway of his bedroom before he stopped, but he didn’t turn to look at me. “Not tonight, Ty. I need to be alone.”
The knot in my stomach pulled agonizingly hard as my heart clenched just as tight. I stood in the hall completely lost for a few seconds as I stared at his taut back. From under his shirt I could see the muscles flexing and unflexing irritably, his tension moving through him through muscle spasms. “Dane,” I said, not knowing what else to say at first.
Dane didn’t turn around as he spoke, his shoulders hunching even more. “I need space, Ty.” There was a desperation in his voice I’d never heard before, one that begged me to do as he asked.
So I did.
I walked to my room and watched as he shut his bedroom door, shutting me out for the first time since I’d met him. I walked back over to his closed door and sat down right outside it, feeling like I was missing one of my limbs, bleeding out as I waited.
March 15th, 2017
I gave him four hours before I got up. I’d sat outside his door listening, but hadn’t heard anything. I’d given him enough time. I got up letting the blood flow back into my legs, letting the tingling sensation fade. After I could feel my toes I faced his door staring at the dark brass doorknob as if it would burn my hand if I touched it. I didn’t wait long before I grabbed it and slowly twisted it open and quietly as possible opened the door.
It was dark inside his bedroom, but I could see him lying on top of the bed in nothing but his boxers. I could tell by the tense lines of his muscles he wasn’t asleep, he was as far from asleep as he could be. With as much finesse as I could conjure out of my big body, but the floorboards still creaked under my bare feet. Even with the distinct sound of me in the room Dane didn’t say anything as I moved to my side of the bed. He still didn’t say anything, and he didn’t say anything as I stripped down to my boxers and laid beside him on the bed.
Tentatively I reached out to touch his tense side, watching as he jumped slightly from my touch, but he didn’t pull back. My arms draped over his side and I pulled him close so our bodies were pressed together like they were every night. The moment our chests touched he sighed and the tension drained out of his muscles. For the first time I felt his lips against my throat as he kissed the skin gently, the soft brush enough to make my body stir to life.
“I’m sorry, Ty.” He rasped, wrapping his strong arms around me as he pressed our foreheads together, connecting us.
I pulled back determined to talk to him about what had happened at the barbecue. There was so many things I needed to ask to unravel the knots inside of me, but one thing really stood out among them all. “Dane, what was the asshole talking about?” He knew what I was referring to, I could see it in his eyes before he dropped them to look at my throat. Some of the tension returned to his body as he lay there in silence, contemplating no doubt what he was going to say to me. “Dane?”
He sighed, an exhausted sound that came from deep inside of him as he sat up pulling away from me like he had earlier. “It’s not something I want to talk about Ty.”
Seriously? Angry I sat up to, shoving into his space till he was pressed back against the headboard as I leaned over him. “No, that’s not fucking fair Dane! You know everything about me, everything! What gives you the right to hide things from me? To keep things from me? Seth did that too, what makes both of you think that’s fucking fair?” I sat back growling deep in my chest as the building anxiety and anger boiled over in my gut. Like an over filled cauldron the brewing words started to spew out of me, uncontrolled as they overflowed. “Seth did that too, took my choice away from me. He just took all the good memories and the pain and when he was gone it was like salt in the wound. Because he was suffering and I didn’t help him, and I won’t be able to help you either because I don’t know anything. You keep everything from me but demand everything of me until their is nothing left and you have all of me, but I have nothing of you!” I was breathing hard by the time I finished, my body tense as I straddled his legs. All of the build up released out of me like a geyser making the ache in my stomach ease for only a second.
Dane paled, his grey eyes watching me closely as I started to come down from the adrenaline rush pounding through my veins. His hand reached out to touch my chest grabbing the silver dog tag and pulling me down towards him by the necklace. He brought me down till I had to brace my hand on the headboard staring down at him. “I don’t experience sex the same as most people.” Dane’s voice was flat as he trailed his hand down my chest and abdomen, petting me like he always did when I was anxious.
I was confused.
“I don’t understand.” He didn’t experience sex the same way as most people? McLain had referred to Caitlyn and erectile dysfunction — How was that related? Dane’s hand went back up my chest over my sensitive skin. I shivered but focused on him, expecting an explanation. I needed him to tell me, it didn’t matter if his dick didn’t get hard his entire life, it didn’t change what he was to me, what I needed from him. He just needed to tell me, to trust me with his secrets and his burdens. “Dane? Explain it to me,” I demanded after a few long minutes.
He ran his hand down my chest and abdomen, this time skimming my nipples as he went. A sharp jolt of pleasure made my dick pulse, making it harder than it already was. I shivered above him hoping that he would do it again, even if I wanted him to keep talking. “What do you feel when I do that, Ty?”
He seemed generally curious, as he watched goosebumps form over my skin as he did it again. I moaned, my dick jumping between my legs, the urge to thrust against him almost overpowering. I stayed still, but my body couldn’t help but move in any way possible, trembling with built up desire. “I-I don’t know, my body starts to pulse and pleasure runs down into my dick until I ache to— .” rub against you, fuck you, suck you, let you fuck me, jack me, be with me as my lover.
Dane leaned forward quickly his lips capturing mine without a single bit of hesitation. He opened his mouth and let me take all of him, pushing my tongue inside to taste him where I’d only dreamed of tasting him. I groaned as I gave into my bodies urge and ground my stick cock against his abdomen. Unaware of anything around me I gripped onto him unable to stop my grinding hips against his rippling abs. This was what I needed, to touch him like this. I kissed him desperately bruising our lips with the rushed force. Dane didn’t give me much before he pulled back from the kiss, his hands settled on my hips making me thrust faster as I clutched as the headboard, unable to control the wild urge inside of me to finish and mark him with my release. He was mine, Dane was—
I shouted and then growled ferally as my orgasm barreled into me with such an intense wave I collapsed onto him, panting and shivering as electric sparks raced up my spine and through my cock. Into my underwear, I realized with frustration as I took in a steadying breath to try to calm my frantic body. I’d cum on Dane, my Dane who was my world. I’d kissed him. The soft strokes of Dane’s hands chased the last of my orgasm through my body till I was floating in a state of bliss. He touched me with gentle loving hands all over before he finally said,