That’s someone who always makes smile. Every memory we made is something I hold onto. Dane knows that. He might not have known everything back then, because I didn’t tell him outright, but I think he still knew. I didn’t tell him about Seth because I was so afraid I’d have to choose between them. Dane was, and is my entire world, but Seth he was so important too. I’d never had that kind of love in me, warring inside to keep both.
February 15th, 2016
“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Seth said as he handed me a single red rose.
I closed my locker and smile down at him, his freckled cheeks flushed like it always was when he was embarrassed. “Valentine’s was yesterday.” I pointed out, but still, I took the single flower from his hand. It was red, with beautiful full petals that bloomed outwards.
“I know, but I didn’t see you yesterday and I’ve never had a valentine’s before so I thought—”
I leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips, stopping his little ramble. He sighed against my mouth and his hands rested lightly on my chest for support. That was Seth, a beautiful soft soul always being kind even when the world threw him shit. I pulled away to look into his big brown eyes that were currently half-lidded.
“Happy Valentine’s, Seth. I love my flower.” I kissed his cheek sloppily and he giggled as I blew a raspberry loudly against his cheek.
“Stop it! Monkey’s uncle!” He cried out as I started to tickle his sides.
I loved having this with him.
Ever since the football game back in December I’d found something in him I hadn’t known I needed. I craved to touch him, to feel close, and the longer I spent with him the less I wondered what it be like if it was Dane. Seth wasn’t Dane, and I didn’t want him to be, but it didn’t make my feelings for Dane any less intense.
“Get a fucking room fags!”
Seth’s body tensed against me. I stopped and looked up to see Chris Mcalister and two of his friends walking down the hall making lewd faces. They were known for bullying Seth, they knew better than to say shit to me, except for now. Since me and Seth became closer they’d learned quickly to leave him alone.
“Say it again, I dare you,” I growled at the three of them.
Chris kept him back straight, pretending not to be intimidated, his two friends moved a few inches back, not willing to get their asses beat by a sophmore - and I would beat the shit out of them.
“You heard me Huntsman! No one wants to see that shit!” Chris said again, the other two, Kyle and Zack became more confident stepping forward again.
I stepped forward only to have Seth’s hands hold onto my wrist tight. “It’s not worth it, Ty. They’re just assholes.” His voice wavered fearfully as his big brown eyes begged me to leave it be.
“Fuck off Chris, you say shit to Seth again, I’ll knock your fucking teeth out.” I turned away with Seth beside me and we walked to first period in silence. I’m sure Seth was thinking about why Chris was such an asshole. I didn’t question why he was an ass, I was planning ways to make him pay for saying something.
I had a few good ideas.
March 18th, 2016
“Did slash Chris Mcalister's tires?” Seth asked from where he sat on my bed.
We were doing homework together, me on the floor leaning against the side of my bed with him laying across it. He came over a lot now, usually three or four times a week, and I loved spending the time with him while Dane was at work. Sometimes we’d lay in my bed and just lazily kiss for long periods of time. I hadn’t done much else with Seth, I got the impression he wasn’t ready for anything more. I figured if he wanted to do more he’d tell me, until then I was content doing what we were doing.
I shrugged in response to his question. “Maybe. Why do you think I did it?”
Seth laughed, a lyrical sound that made me smile. “Well, because you just answered with maybe instead of no. Also I had a feeling you would do something after what he said in the hallway back in February. I just wondered because it’s March now so maybe it wasn’t you, maybe it was someone else he bullies.”
I looked behind me where his head was near mine on the bed. I back and kissed him gently on the lips, a soft moan emanating from him. Pulling back I looked into his eyes as he smiled at me. “He shouldn’t have so many enemies in school,” I said while I watched him for signs of anger or disapproval. “He’s lucky I didn’t knock his teeth out.”
“Yeah, he is an ass, but you shouldn’t get yourself in trouble because of him. You’re dad would be upset if he found out.” Seth pointed out.
Dane wouldn’t be angry, no I knew him too well to know he would be disappointed not angry. It was worse than anger, his disappointment injured me more than any backhand to the face, and there had been a lot of them when I was a kid. “Yeah, that’s why he’s not going to find out,” I said with an devious grin.
Seth smirked, his cheeks flushing like they always did when he was excited. “You know I won’t say anything, Ty. Just be careful. I don’t want you to get in trouble because you’re trying to protect me. Nothing that Chris or any of his friends says hurts me as long as I have you standing in my corner.”
Warmth spread through my chest, my heart clenched in my chest as a euphoric feeling rushed through me. I’d felt this only a few times in my life, mostly with Dane, but also with Mark and Jane before they’d died.
Love, the amazing sensation was love.
It dawned on me in that moment that I loved Seth. I’d had so few people in my life that I’d even tolerated, but I loved him. It warred with what I felt for Dane, what I wanted to have with him. Maybe I didn’t need it, maybe I could have Seth instead. Dane would have someone too, someone who wasn’t me…
“Ty?” Seth asked as he sat up in my bed.
“Your birthday is in a few days and I want to give you something special.” He averted his eyes the red flush of his cheeks going all the way down his throat. Whatever it was he was obviously nervous about it. Curious I got onto the bed with him, sitting close till he was pressed against my side. I didn’t say anything, he didn’t need me to. Sometimes Seth needed to get things out without my help and I knew that.
“Ugh sometimes I get so nervous,” he said suddenly as he hid his head against my chest. “All I have to do is look in your green eyes and I turn into a puddle of goo.” Seth whispered.
I laughed, “That’s how I feel about your big brown puppy eyes.” I hadn’t admitted to him how much he affected me. I didn’t know how to, other than to stay close to him and make him happy. There was nothing more rewarding than seeing Seth happy.
“Really?” He lifted his head up and stared at me with exact look I’d been talking about.
“Yeah, pretty much every time you look at me.” More color reddened his cheeks and neck and I feared he might actually burst into flames at any second, that or pass out from so much blood rushing to his head. “So, what’s my birthday present?” I asked hoping to divert the conversation to a safer topic for him.
It didn’t help, if anything he got redder and his nostrils flared. “I-I w-well I-I www-want to do s-something other than k-kiss.”
“Other than kissing?” By the looks of it he’d pass out if we did anything else.
Seth nodded hurriedly, licking his lips nervously. “Y-yes, I w-want to—” he swallowed a big gulp before looking down between my legs. “I want to touch you, and you touch me… there.”
My heart leaped into my throat as I thought of what he was saying. Touch his dick? Did he want both of us to get off together? The thought of seeing him naked made my dick harden painfully in my pants, I shifted uncomfortably as my jeans compressed it against my leg. “Is that what you want? You seem nervous.” That was an understatement. He looked like he was about to run for the door as his eyes stayed lock on my erection outlines in my pants.
He licked his lips again, making them shine as he did. “I am… but I want to touch you. I want to do everything with you. M-maybe not a first but I want that.”
My heart slammed into my ribcage as my belly shook with nervous energy. “Y-you want to try right now?”
Seth nodded quickly before looking at my open bedroom door. “When does your dad come home?”
“He won’t be home for another hour.” I jumped off the bed and pulled off my shirt. “We’ll start with this ok?” I said as I got back on the bed and watched as he took off his own shirt. His body was slight and his skin soft and naturally a pale complexion. The contrast between us was stark, almost blinding, but it was perfect to me.
Laying back against my assortment of pillows I watched the shallow rise and fall of his chest as his eyes traced over every inch of my exposed skin. I could tell he wanted to touch me just as much as I wanted to touch him. He wanted to touch me but he was to afraid to do it without any guidance. I had no problem helping him with that. Without warning him I grabbed him by the hips and without too much effort pulled him to sit across my lap, his ass sitting across my arousal. It was torture and the best pleasure all in one, I couldn’t help but thrust up towards the weight.
Seth yelped as he settled across my lap his hands coming down on my chest to maintain his balance. It gave him the perfect excuse to touch my chest and keeping up close. My hands skimmed up his bare sides and over to his back. Seth shivered and arched his back slightly as I touched his spine with the barest touch.
It wasn’t frenzied. This was explorative, learning each others body with a freedom we hadn’t done within the past. My hands traveled over to his belly and up his chest to his pink nipples. He gasped, shifting his ass across my hips and dick. A loud moan erupted from me as I chased after the fleeting sensation. “Touch me, Seth.”
He nodded, his pupils blown wide as he moved his hands over my chest and down my stomach where my pants began. His hands gilded back over my abdomen, his tentative hands passing over my nipples and over my shoulders. I shuddered, tingles spread over my skin everywhere he touched. Unconsciously my hips thrust up against him, the weight causing an intense friction that made me do it again.
Seth moaned and thrust forward only to whimper. “My jeans—”
“Are too tight. Mine too.” I said as I started undoing the button on the top of my pants. Seth did the same, some urgency forming in our movements as we undid the buttons and zippers and shimmied them lower past our groins. Seth mewled as his erection was freed, exposing him to my eyes for the first time. He was as beautiful there as he was everywhere else on his body. Groaning I got free from my boxers giving Seth his first view of my own dick. His heat hazed eyes widened and his nostrils flared as a deep flush formed over his neck and chest.
“Ty—” Was all he said before I pulled him down to crush his mouth against mine. Gasping against my mouth he thrust his hips, rubbing us against each other in the best way. Fire and need roared through me as I grabbed his ass and urged him to keep going. He didn’t need me to ask, grinding himself against me as we kissed with wild frenzy. There was an uncontrollable need that I was chasing and I felt the spark of it racing up my spine. He moaned into my mouth as my hands clutched his ass and pressed him closer both of us close to exploding. Seth broke the kiss as he cried out, spilling himself all over my chest. My eyes tracked over his face, the pure bliss on it. He was—
My eyes averted, a motion in the doorway catching my eyes. Adrenaline spike, I looked into surprised grey eyes just as my body convulsed with waves of pleasure. My eyes shut against my will as I rode out the amazing sensation. Every nerve inside of my was on fire while my heart hammered furiously in my chest. Seth collapsed on top of me breathing shallowly as he came down from his orgasm.
By the time I opened my eyes, it had only been a few seconds, Dane was gone.
March 20th, 2016
I woke up feeling excited.
Today I was sixteen. Finally, I was sixteen. There was a bitterness to today though. Dane hadn’t spoken to me in the last few days. Ever since he’d seen me and Seth together he hadn’t brought up what he’d seen, and he hadn’t said more than yes or no in response to everything I’d said. I’d wondered if maybe he was upset with me, but I could figure out what he’d be upset about. Then I wondered it maybe he was preoccupied and maybe it had nothing to do with me and Seth. Regardless of what it was, I didn’t like the way his silent distance made my stomach ache.
With a sigh, I got out of bed and put on some jeans and a t-shirt. On my phone I could see a text from Seth that said “Happy Birthday big guy!” followed by hearts and kissing emojis. A smile curved my lips, it was the first time I’d ever woken up to a birthday text from someone. No one, besides Dane, had ever gone out of their way to remember my birthday. Jane and Mark hadn’t ever had the chance to celebrate one with me, but I know they wouldn’t have forgotten it and that was always comforting.
Picking up my phone I texted back, “You mean big MAN”. His response was almost instantaneous. “I was being nice, I meant jolly green giant.” he said with a winking face and a kiss. Followed by, “No just green giant, you’re not jolly lol”
I laughed at his sense of humor, “I’m not green either” I replied before putting my phone in my pocket. I headed downstairs and into the kitchen where Dane was cooking breakfast. The sight of him making pancakes filled my belly with warmth, the urge to hug him almost overwhelming as I looked at his back. Instead I sat down at the breakfast bar and waited for him to say something.
“Happy birthday, Ty.” Dane looked over his shoulder and smiled warmly at me.
“Thanks,” I said with true happiness. Nothing felt quite like when Dane wished me happy birthday. Each year it felt better and better, like he was telling me everything I wanted and needed to hear in that one statement. “What’s for breakfast?” I already knew, but I asked him every year and every year he cooked me my favorite.
“Chocolate chip pancakes with peanut butter, like always.” Dane finished cooking and plated the food before bringing it over to the breakfast bar and sitting it in front of us. He sat beside me and we began eating. It was amazing, exactly what I always wanted for my birthday. The food was good too, but it was just being with him that made it perfect.
“I have a gift for you outside,” Dane said with a grin, his grey eyes excited.
“Outside?” I looked at him perplexed, “I didn’t ask for anything.” I said equally confused. Dane always asked me every year what I’d like for my birthday, and each year I told him I wanted to eat chocolate chip pancakes with him and do something together. I didn’t care what we did as long as I spent the day with him. He always got me something anyways, because that was Dane.
“I always get you something, that’s never going to change.” He got up and put the plates in the dishwasher. “Come on, you’ll like it.”
Curious, I got up and followed him to the front door. He stopped me before I went outside. “Close your eyes,” he commanded.
“Why?” I asked playfully.
“Close your eyes, Ty.” Dane commanded again with more force.
I closed my eyes. “How am I going to walk?”
“I’ll lead you.” He grabbed my hand and I felt sparks light me up from the tips of my fingers all the way up my arm. With my eyes closed, his touch was the only thing I could focus on. It magnified the intense need boiling in my gut that I’d learned to ignore more now that I had Seth, but it was always there. Now it was all I could feel as Dane lead me outside and stopped me in the driveway. I shivered as his hand moved up to my shoulder and rotated my body into another direction. Then his hands were gone.
“Open your eyes.”
It was bright and it took my eyes a second to adjust. It only took a few moments before I saw it. The black jeep had a small red bow taped to the hood, Dane’s jeep. I looked at him in shock before looking at the car again. “Dane?” I asked not sure I really understood what he was saying.
“I know how much you love it. If I’d gotten you a new one you would have said it was too much, so I’m giving you mine. Happy sixteenth birthday, Ty.” He put a hand on my shoulder, warm and loving, so very Dane.
Dane was giving me his jeep. I was getting Dane’s jeep. My mind whirled and my heart hammered hard in my chest as so many emotions warred inside of my pushing at my seams for an outlet. I needed— I needed—
My body shook as without any thought I turned to Dane and wrapped my arms around him dragging his body into mine in a firm embrace. My nose ran along the curve of his throat, his scent making the burning in my body that much worse. I couldn’t stop when my lips trailing along his exposed neck with possessive kisses, tasting his skin for the first time. An excited groan the escaped me, a fire burned through my dick until it was all I could think about. I want him, I needed him. Why couldn’t he see how much I needed him?
“Ty, calm down.” Dane gripped my hip with a firm hand forcing me to stop moving.
I realized I’d been thrusting against him, rubbing my hard dick across his hip as I clung to him. I moaned painfully, not wanting to pull away. Just a few more seconds, I begged whatever deity was willing to hear me. It wouldn’t be enough. I wanted more than a few seconds.
Dane separated us, his hand gentle on my sides as he pushed me back a few steps. “Calm down, Ty.” He said gently, resting a hand on my chest that was rising rapidly, my breaths erratic. “I guess you like it?” He asked with a smirk, his eyes looking at the jeep.
I did love the gift, I couldn’t express with words how much having him give it to me meant. That wasn’t what made me touch him though. It was him, and that he loved me.