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    Refugium
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
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Return to Zenda! (stage play) - 4. Act I part 4

The coronation went off without a hitch, but the real King has been kidnapped. Rudolf orders a royal ball and meets with Princess Flavia and Duke Michael.

(RUDOLF re-enters dressed a bit differently, with his right hand bandaged;

a SECRETARY also enters, using a crutch and with one leg in a cast and one arm in a sling, bringing documents and pen)

RUDOLF: (to audience) Late the next morning, affairs of state awaited me.

SECRETARY: For your signature, Sire.

RUDOLF: I’ll have to sign with an X. Hurt my hand.

SECRETARY: Yes, Your Majesty.

(SAPT and FRITZ enter)

RUDOLF: Still, can’t let that stop the business of state, even if my whole hand hurts like the devil.

SECRETARY: Yes, Your Majesty.

RUDOLF: Only a vimp would let such a little thing shtop him. (drops the pen) Oh, get that, would you? My injury prevents me from maintaining a firm grip.

SECRETARY: (sighs) Certainly, Sire. (with great difficulty, lays aside his crutch and picks up the pen)

RUDOLF: Good man. Thank you. Now, new business. I wish also to give a ball.

SAPT: A ball, Sire? For what purpose?

RUDOLF: Just a ball. I like to dance. Anything wrong in that?

SAPT: No, Your Majesty.

RUDOLF: A costume ball. And if there happen to be any important announcements to be made, it will be a suitable occasion.

FRITZ: Announcements?

RUDOLF: And I wish to address the invitation to Princess Flavia myself, personally.

SECRETARY: I thought you couldn’t write.

RUDOLF: I’ll manage. Make the arrangements. This Saturday evening. That will be all.

SECRETARY: Do you have any idea how long it takes to get invitations engraved?

RUDOLF: That will be all!

SECRETARY: Yes, Your Majesty. (leaves)

SAPT: Mister Rassendyll, you will please remember that your crown is borrowed.

FRITZ: You should keep contact with the Princess Flavia to a minimum. If she guesses who you really are--

RUDOLF: You should have heard the crowds yesterday! They want a wedding! I should behave as the King would, and see Flavia as often as I can.

FRITZ: The King doesn’t see her often. She hates the King.

RUDOLF: Hates? She hates me?

FRITZ: Well, no, apparently she doesn’t hate you, but as for the King...

SECRETARY: (entering) Your Majesty, the Princess Flavia awaits her audience with you.

RUDOLF: Sapt, Fritz, I wish to see her alone.

SAPT: Are you insa– Are you certain? --Your Majesty?

RUDOLF: Yes, I am! (aside, to SAPT) She hates me? (to the SECRETARY) Please show the Princess in!

SECRETARY: Yes, Majesty. (leaves)

RUDOLF: Sapt? Fritz? (waving them out)

(SAPT and FRITZ leave, reluctantly, crossing paths with FLAVIA, with mumbled “Excuse me’s” and “Sorry’s”)

RUDOLF: Flavia. I am delighted to see you.

FLAVIA: Rudolf. I had to come to see if you were still so changed. It is very odd – suddenly it is so easy to get along with you.

RUDOLF: We must get along, since we are to be married. Make the best of it, eh?

FLAVIA: Yet that was never your attitude before. You always treated me abominably.

RUDOLF: When?

FLAVIA: Oh, let’s see. Since early childhood until the day before yesterday?

RUDOLF: Why? Why have I behaved so badly?

FLAVIA: Perhaps because I beat you at jacks when we were five, and I’ve beaten you at tennis since we were ten, and I beat you in the four hundred meter and the javelin when we were fifteen, and I swim faster than you do, I ride better than you do, and I can sail a boat when you always sink yours.

RUDOLF: Have I begrudged you these things?

FLAVIA: Begrudged them? You never even admitted them. You said I cheated.

RUDOLF: I’m a poor sport.

FLAVIA: You pulled my braids.

RUDOLF: I was a stupid boy.

FLAVIA: You laughed at my clothes.

RUDOLF: I was thoughtless.

FLAVIA: You said I had dumpy thighs.

RUDOLF: Well, one has to admit --

FLAVIA: Rudolf!

RUDOLF: One has to admit I was terrible. I do apologize.

FLAVIA: I accept. After all, as you say, if we must be married, we might as well make the best of it.

SECRETARY: (enters, pinky raised) Majesty—

RUDOLF: Later!

(SECRETARY leaves.)

RUDOLF: Can’t we do better? After yesterday, don’t you feel a little differently about me?

FLAVIA: Oddly enough, yes. Being treated politely and kindly has a strangely salubrious effect on my attitude.

RUDOLF: A strangely what?

FLAVIA: You always did have an alarmingly restricted vocabulary. I like you better.

RUDOLF: Is that all?

FLAVIA: Rudolf, what do you want me to say?

RUDOLF: Flavia, I feel that I saw you yesterday with different eyes. As if seeing you for the first time. And it was love at first sight.

FLAVIA: Are you ill?

RUDOLF: (holding her close) I love you, Flavia. I love you so. You are so beautiful. You have such wonderful hair. It has such marvelous -- texture – (loosening his grip to concentrate on her hair) You know, we could do some really interesting things with your hair, if you’d let me.

FLAVIA: Rudolf, do try to be serious for a moment. I am a princess, of the blood royal, and I grew up knowing that I must marry you, for it was my duty. A woman in my position cannot marry for love.

RUDOLF: (seating her in a chair) Yes, yes. Could you tilt your head up a little? This way. There. (Paying only slight attention to what she is saying, he has been taking out combs and pins and focuses on rearranging her hair)

FLAVIA: It’s just as well; men are all pretty much alike, anyway. I have had to settle for the consolations of true friendship.

RUDOLF: Quite. Chin down.

SECRETARY: (entering, pinky raised) Majesty—

RUDOLF: Later! (SECRETARY leaves)

FLAVIA: (slight pause, watching SECRETARY leave) I am very lucky to have found true friendship. With Countess Helga. One can choose one’s friends, and therefore they are so dear to one. Helga is so dear to me. She is my best friend.

RUDOLF: Yes.

FLAVIA: My very best friend.

RUDOLF: Yes.

FLAVIA: My very, very, very, very, very, very best friend.

RUDOLF: Yes, yes.

FLAVIA: In the whole world.

RUDOLF: Quite.

FLAVIA: In the whole WIDE world.

RUDOLF: Yes, yes, best friend, wide world, got it.

FLAVIA: Rudolf, you wouldn’t mind if Helga and I continued our schoolgirl sleepovers once in a while after you and I are married, would you?

RUDOLF: Not at all, dear, whatever you like. Now I was thinking of a layered cut about this long, maybe highlights here? --and here? Hm?

FLAVIA: Really, Rudolf! How bold you are, to continue such idle chitchat while you keep Duke Michael waiting!

RUDOLF: Michael, waiting? I had no idea.

FLAVIA: What do you think your secretary has been signaling? The pinky code is not to be ignored.

RUDOLF: Of course. The pinky code. Yes. Well, I suppose I could take him at one-thirty. Does he want just a trim or a full styling? Why didn’t he just come in and take a chair?

FLAVIA: How funny you are! Of course no one could be admitted while I was with you, since I am of the blood royal.

RUDOLF: (mimics “of the blood royal” silently)

FLAVIA: But Rudolf, it is not safe to anger him. You must see him at once.

RUDOLF: Oh, very well. But blood royal or not, stay right where you are. (goes to the door) Colonel Sapt! Count von Tarlenheim! Why wasn’t I told that Duke Michael was waiting for me? Show him in at once.

MICHAEL: (entering with FRITZ and SAPT) Your Majesty is very gracious to receive me.

RUDOLF (to MICHAEL): There’s something familiar about you.

MICHAEL: We have known each other all our lives, Majesty.

RUDOLF: Mm. That must be it. I apologize for the delay in seeing you.

MICHAEL: Your Majesty has a reputation for unexpected delays. (laughing) You will probably be late for your own funeral.

RUDOLF: (laughs)

MICHAEL: Which could be any day now.

RUDOLF: (laughs) As yours could be. Or any of us, eh?

MICHAEL: We half expected you to be late or even absent for your own coronation. But no, you were right on time. We could not have been more surprised (suddenly coming close, face to face with RUDOLF) if we learned that you were able to be in two places at once.

RUDOLF: (even closer) Or if you learned that there were two of me.

MICHAEL: (even closer) Or if two parallel universes converged on the same plane.

RUDOLF: (even closer) Or if I had suddenly acquired the gift of time-travel, and was doubling up in the present.

MICHAEL: In which case you would be living on borrowed time. (turns away) In any case, I have come merely to congratulate you and to tender my best wishes in this new stage of your life. And how did you enjoy your stay in Paris?

RUDOLF: Oh, it was deligh – Paris? I don’t know what you mean.

MICHAEL: What am I thinking of? You haven’t been to Paris in years. But I must not presume upon Your Majesty’s time any longer than necessary. I will take my entourage and go.

RUDOLF: You brought your entourage?

MICHAEL: Yes, there they are, waiting in the other room.

RUDOLF: Athletic fellows, aren’t they? They look to be made for fighting. Finely built, broad shoulders, narrow hips, muscular thighs, smart uniforms –

MICHAEL: Would you like to meet one of them?

RUDOLF: Well, if you have time.

MICHAEL: Hentzau! His Majesty wishes to meet you!

(RUPERT HENTZAU enters and salutes)

MICHAEL: Your Majesty, Count Rupert Hentzau, one of my best henchmen.

HENTZAU: (American, possibly New York or New Jersey accent) At your service, Your Majesty.

RUDOLF: Dear brother, of all the handsome villains you have gathered about you, this is certainly the handsomest and the most villainous.

FLAVIA, FRITZ and SAPT: (approvingly) Definitely.

HENTZAU: Oh, I ain’t such a bad guy once you get to know me. (to MICHAEL) Right – (whispered) Antoinette? (gooses him)

MICHAEL: Not here! (to RUDOLF) A useful man, but not made for the niceties of Court.

HENTZAU: I see some niceties here I’d like to court.

MICHAEL: Since I cannot make him behave, I must drag him away before he offends Your Majesty further.

RUDOLF: Oh, no offense taken. Hentzau, it has been a pleasure. I trust that every report I hear of you will confirm your loyal service to the Crown.

HENTZAU: Each of us has his own little part to play – Your Majesty.

MICHAEL: And now, Your Majesty, we have taken far too much of your time, and I have plots to hatch. By your leave...?

RUDOLF: Goodbye, brother, and thank you for your good wishes.

(MICHAEL and HENTZAU bow and leave)

FRITZ: The nerve of him, bringing that gang of ruffians here!

FLAVIA: I thought young Hentzau was charming. Refreshingly direct.

RUDOLF: Yes, if a man must be a knave, I like him best if he is a debonair knave. It makes your sin no worse to do it à la mode and stylishly.

FRITZ: So you like Rupert Hentzau.

RUDOLF: Like him?! He’s detestable! --In a young, handsome, dashing sort of way.

FRITZ: Handsomer than I?

RUDOLF: Oh, Fritz, don’t be like that. (to SAPT and FRITZ) Please leave us, you two; I want a few more words with my cousin.

SAPT: Mister -- Your Majesty, (aside, to RUDOLF) obviously Duke Michael knows you are not the King. His plans are thwarted for the moment, but he will form others more dangerous -- and soon.

FRITZ: (also aside to RUDOLF) Michael will not wait long to act. We must form our own plans without delay.

RUDOLF: Later, Sapt. Later, Fritz. Right now I would speak to my cousin. (they hesitate) She takes precedence. She is of the blood royal.

FRITZ: As you wish – Your Majesty. (FRITZ and SAPT leave)

RUDOLF: Now where’s that comb?

FLAVIA: It’s so strange, Rudolf. When you are arranging my hair I suddenly feel that I can trust you completely – that I can tell you anything. That I can ask you anything.

RUDOLF: Hazard of the profession.

FLAVIA: Would you consider doing something about Helga’s hair? God knows I love her dearly, but she has simply no sense of style. Do it for me?

RUDOLF: Of course, dear. But one good turn deserves another. I’m giving a ball on Saturday night. Will you favor me with your presence? You will receive your formal invitation later, but also I want to invite you now, personally.

FLAVIA: I hate balls.

RUDOLF: Why?

FLAVIA: I can’t dance. Well, that’s not true. I can’t follow. It’s the one thing you do better than I. Dancing, I mean.

RUDOLF: It’s a State occasion.

FLAVIA: In that case, I’ll come. After all, everyone will be there. Helga with Fritz—

RUDOLF: Helga, with Fritz?

FLAVIA: She is his fiancée, after all.

RUDOLF: Oh. Yes. Of course. You and I and Fritz and Helga. What a gay foursome we shall be. (kisses her hand) And what do you think of your new look?

 

(various playing areas: MICHAEL and HENTZAU in one, SAPT and MESSENGER GIRL in another, RUDOLF and FRITZ in another, FLAVIA and HELGA in another)

SAPT and MESSENGER GIRL: (carrying invitations) Invitations to a royal ball!

(possibly have MESSENGER GIRL running invitations to the various parties)

MICHAEL: (opening an invitation) Invitations to a royal ball!

FLAVIA and HELGA: (opening invitations) Invitations to a royal ball!

FRITZ: (opening an envelope) Another bill from my tailor.

RUDOLF: Not that one. The other envelope.

FRITZ: (opening another envelope) An invitation to a royal ball!

RUDOLF: (opening an envelope) I’ve got one too! It’s from me!

SAPT: I have never understood why a country this size has no postal service.

MICHAEL: But who shall attend – Michael or Antoinette?

HENTZAU: How about both?

MICHAEL: Oh, be practical. Still, it might be amusing –

HELGA: And don’t spend the entire evening discussing politics again.

FLAVIA: Oh, why did I promise to attend such a tedious affair? Why would I wish to go?

HELGA: I hear that Antoinette de Mauban will be there.

FLAVIA: The reigning queen of the French stage?

HENTZAU: We would hate to disappoint Antoinette’s fans.

MICHAEL: You’ll be the ruin of me.

SAPT: All that is needed is a few men in well-fitted uniforms, and then print some artistically appealing stamps.

RUDOLF: (sweeping FRITZ into a dance) We’ll dance all night long!

FRITZ: I with Helga, and you with Flavia!

RUDOLF: Yes, whoever.

SAPT: We could probably raise a lot of money just selling the stamps to collectors.

FLAVIA: It would give me a chance to talk to the Minister of Transportation –

MICHAEL: This could be the moment to trip up that fraud, expose Sapt and Tarlenheim –

RUDOLF: Wait till you see the decorations!

FLAVIA: I must see the guest list.

HENTZAU: Wait till they see the quick changes!

MICHAEL: No one does them better than I. Still, the risk –

HENTZAU: Come on. You’ll pull it off, and it will put the rumors to bed. Everyone will see that Duke Michael and Antoinette de Mauban attended the same dance.

SAPT: Maybe I should just start printing them myself. Who would know?

MICHAEL: Very well, I’ll go.

FLAVIA: I already agreed to go, after all.

MICHAEL: And so will Antoinette. This will show up that snooty tramp Flavia. I can outdress her any day.

HENTZAU: You are such a bitch. That’s what I love about you.

HELGA: And I will be there with you. And Fritz, of course.

RUDOLF: You’ll be there, won’t you, Fritz?

FRITZ: Of course. Someone has to keep an eye on you.

HELGA: It’s certainly better than one of those weekends in the country, with everybody singing and playing the ‘cello, shots going off...

RUDOLF: (to audience) With beating heart, I waited for the night when all would be assembled for the most lavish, most spectacular, the biggest and best of --

ALL, together: Royal balls!

End of Act I

Act II begins with the royal ball!
Copyright © 2023 Refugium; All Rights Reserved.
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Stories posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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