Slice of Life - 1. Bad News

I looked at the text message on Steven’s phone and frowned. Why would my mother be texting my husband asking if he was home?

“Who is it?” Steven glanced over at me before putting the truck in park.

“Mom.” I checked both of my jacket pockets looking for my phone. It was rare for mom to text Steven and not me and it was only when my search came up empty that I realized I had forgotten my phone at home.

“My mom? What’s it say?”

“Nope, my mom. She wants to know if you’re home.” I handed him his phone and watched him reply. “Wonder if she tried to call or something to check on me and got worried when I didn’t answer.”

Just yesterday I had found out I had strained my back and when I called and let my parents know, my mom had promised to call and check on me. Though she had said it would be this evening, but…

The chiming of his phone interrupted my thoughts and I looked over at Steven expectantly. He looked perplexed for a minute but then texted her back and looked at me.

“She wants us to stop there on our way home if we can.”

“Don’t see why not.” I wasn’t too worried; it probably had something to do with Christmas since it was the beginning of December. We headed inside and spent an enjoyable hour looking through Christmas decorations and picking some out. As we were headed towards the check-stands something started niggling at the back of my mind, but I couldn’t pin it down. It was like something was off but I couldn’t place what it was. It wasn’t until we reached the truck that I realized what was bothering me and turned to my husband.

“What is mom doing home? She works today, that’s why she was going to call and check on me tonight.” There was no reason why my mom should be home, at least, none that I could think of.

“Maybe she called into work sick or she is at work and your dad needs us for something.”

It was a plausible reason, but even I could see that he didn’t really believe that’s what was going on. Besides, if Dad needed something he would have called or texted, he’d done it before. We hurriedly loaded our purchases into the back seat and climbed in. He started the truck and looked over at me.

“Where to?”

I knew what he was asking. We had some other places we had wanted to stop at, but my heart was no longer into our shopping expedition. I’m sure he could read the worry in my eyes when I turned to him.

“Do you mind if we skip the rest of shopping and just head to Mom and Dad’s? I’m worried.” Even in the few seconds we’d been sitting there my nerves had gotten the better of me and my leg was bouncing up and down.

“Not a problem.”

We were silent during the twenty minute drive to my parents. I watched out the window and tried to figure out what was going on. I couldn’t focus on a single thought for very long as my mind jumped from one thing to another. I didn’t know what was coming, but my gut told me it was nothing good.

I got even more worried when we pulled up in front of Mom and Dad’s and my older brother’s truck was there, along with both of my parents vehicles. That shot the theory of mom being at work out of the water and made me even more nervous.

“What’s Darren doing here?” My husband voiced the same thought that was going through my head, but I shrugged.

“Dunno. Let’s go find out what’s going on.” I opened the door and climbed down from the cab of our pick-up, but a part of me really didn’t want to go inside. Steven walked over and took my hand and together we walked up the steps and knocked before opening the door and stepping inside.

“Hey Darren.” I smiled at my brother as he was walking towards the door, and he smiled back, but I could see that his heart just wasn’t in it. For lack of a better word, he looked grim. I saw my mom behind him, but she was on the phone and after a brief glance at me and Steven she walked into her and dad’s bedroom and shut the door. Perplexed, I turned back to Darren. “You heading out?”

“Yeah, just came up to talk to Mom and Dad.”

Without another word, Darren opened the door and left and Steven and I walked through the dining room and kitchen to where my dad was sitting at his computer desk in the living room.

“Hey Dad.” I took a seat and studied my dad as him and Steven talked. I wasn’t really listening to what was being said other than to know they were talking about my husband’s work and the fact that he was home for the day. The longer I sat there, the more something seemed off. After a few minutes, I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Everything okay? I thought Mom had to work today.”

Dad finally looked at me and leaned forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands clenched in his lap. He looked down and stared at his hands for a minute and, though I hadn’t thought it possible, my worry escalated even more. He finally looked back up at me I could see that what was coming wasn’t going to be good.

“Trey’s got cancer.”

My heart froze in my chest and I couldn’t breathe. I stiffened and looked at my Dad, praying that this was some kind of really bad joke. I swallowed hard and fought back the tears that so badly wanted to spill down my cheeks as I found my voice.

“Trey? Our Trey?” As stupid as it sounds, my mind was trying to think of another Trey. It couldn’t be. My oldest brother, the result of my dad’s first marriage, couldn’t have cancer. He was only six years older than me. He was too young to have cancer.

“He found out today.” Dad’s voice was barely a whisper and I could see that he was fighting back tears. I dug deep and forced myself to stay calm and not give in to the tears and fear that struggled for dominance over me. I couldn’t give in. Mom and Dad needed me to be strong for them.

“What kind?” My voice cracked as I voiced my question, though I wondered if it really mattered what kind. Cancer was cancer and regardless of the type, the news wasn’t good.

“They’re saying Lymphoma. He went to work out yesterday and under his arm was really bothering him. He said it was sore, but nothing too bad. Today when he went to work out, he realized it was swollen and went to the doctor.”

“What are they going to do? What are his chances?” I kept reminding myself that I couldn’t cry. I felt so weak and this time my parents needed me to be strong. They needed to know they could count on me to be there through the coming ordeal, whatever it took.

“They don’t know much yet.” Mom took her seat next to me and took over for Dad. I could see she’d been crying and it made it that much harder to keep my tears at bay. “They’re going to run some more tests to find out the exact type, stage, and what his treatment options are.” She paused and I saw her reach up and wipe a tear away. “He has his first oncologist appointment on Monday.”

***

Steven started the truck but didn’t put it in gear. Instead I saw him turn and look at me, concern etched in the lines of his face. He reached across the center console and gripped my hand in his and gave it a comforting squeeze. I could feel the tears welling up now that I was safely away from the prying eyes of my parents.

“You okay?”

Steven’s voice was barely above a whisper and I was sure he already knew the answer to his question, which was a good thing considering that all I could do was shake my head as the tears finally started to fall. As though being able to cry had released something inside of me, I finally found my voice.

“I can’t do this. Not again. I can’t lose another brother.” There it was, the fear that was nearly paralyzing me. I was afraid, despite my brother saying he was going to beat this, I was terrified that it would take him away from me, just like it had Chris so many years ago. At least with Chris, he had been taken from us quickly as the result of a car accident when he was sixteen. If the cancer got the best of Trey, it wouldn’t be quick. It wouldn’t be painless. I would have to watch my brother wither away and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

“What do you need from me? What can I do?” Steven’s voice penetrated my thoughts and I realized that we still hadn’t moved. We were still sitting in the truck in front of my mom and dad’s house.

“Take me home. Please, just take me home.”