Ralph: Breaking free - 8. Things we can do and things we can’t

Thursday, Ralph was so nervous, he was early. Ridiculously so. He went wandering and found a shop selling rip-off designer gear, including kids’ stuff. There were backpacks, matching but in different colours, just right for the twins. He always struggled with presents for them, and these would make a nice start for Christmas, and he could fill them with whatever rubbish he happened to manage to pick up. Of course, he ended up arriving late and laden down. But Nolan's face when Ralph did arrive was a picture.

"Sorry, I was early and went wandering."

Nolan smiled, "Shopping?"

"For the twins, for Christmas", he gave a wry smile, "Sorry. I'm so crap at Christmas that I have to start early."

Nolan rolled his eyes, "If it was left to me, I'd miss it out entirely."

Ralph laughed, "I'm not allowed. Mind, I think that left to themselves the twins would be more into brisk walks."

"Not into watching re-runs of Frozen or Bambi?"

Ralph rolled his eyes, "Please. Princess Anna is so lame, evidently. Mulan is acceptable, but I'm still waiting for Disney to bring out a cartoon with a proper bad-ass heroine."

Nolan smiled, "Or two?"

"Yeah. Oh, and bad-ass is a new word."

"How old are they?"

"Nine. Therese wants Disney princesses."

"And you've got?"

"Harridans? No, that's unfair. Tom-boys probably" he laughed. "'Dad, can I be a bad-ass Princess Anna?'"

Nolan laughed.

"Sorry, I promised myself I wouldn't talk about the girls. I realised that all I have to talk about though, is work and the twins."

"But they are part of your life."

Ralph shrugged, "I was at one of Morrie's, that's Maurice Ventura of Iverson's, well I was at a photo shoot, creating images for his firm's new website."

"Is that..."

"Look, can I explain about Morrie later. There's something I want to get off my chest."

"OK" Nolan, however, looked a bit squashed.

"I had an affair with a boy when I was 17 and he was 16. Lasted six months, was intense, then ended badly." He smiled, "Details later?"

Nolan rolled his eyes, "OK."

"At the photo shoot, I was reminded of Gordon, the boy I had an affair with."

"Dare I ask why?"

"They both shaved everything off. The model and Gordon."

"At 16?"

"Gordon was", Ralph shrugged, "Bad-ass? Seeing the model reminded me of Gordon, the moment I first saw him like that in the changing rooms. I started to think of all that wasted time. The affair ended badly, we were discovered, the school found out. I retreated deep into the closet."

"Till now?"

"More or less. I was thinking about all the lost time; if only I'd got my head out of my arse."

"Pardon?"

"The model at the photo shoot was rather free with his advice, and that was it. Good too. We had a heart to heart in the break."

"With the model?"

"Yeah, I know. He made a crack about me stripping for a photo, I said no. He said, your wife objects? I said, ex-wife, twins and almost boyfriend, and well he wasn't backward in coming forward, after that."

"Say that again. So?"

"If I'd stayed out of the closet, explored guys, there'd be no Therese, no twins. And well..."

"You wouldn't want that?"

"No. So… I want to start now. Trying to being me."

"Therese?"

"Isn't going to freak out. She assures me. Though she doesn’t think it idea." Ralph gave a wry smile, “that’s probably as positive a reaction I’ll get from her.”

"Good. Now. The photo shoot, the affair, how it ended", Nolan enumerated the points on his fingers, a smile on his face. So, for the meal they dissected Ralph's life so far. Nolan contributed snippets of his own history, but assured Ralph that he had been boringly ordinary, coming out at 18 with supportive parents.

By the end of the meal, they had established a connection. As they left, Nolan smiled at him, “I think I was promised a kiss?”

"Just a kiss?" Ralph smiled.

Nolan put his head on one side, "I'd love to do more, but don't want you doing a runner afterwards."

Ralph started to protest, "I'd never..." but then he stopped. Would it all get too much? "I…"

Nolan took Ralph’s hands, "You seem to have spent the last 15 years or so running away or hiding. Least that's my impression."

Ralph pulled a face, "Yeah. Sounds about right."

"So, we go slow. And whatever happens, good or bad, you promise not to do a disappearing act. Please?" Nolan smiled, but there was an intensity in his eyes.

Ralph nodded, "OK."

"So, how about you invite me for that coffee, and we keep our clothes on?"

"Sounds possible. Now?"

"Now. And I'll be keeping my eye on things."

"No getting carried away?"

"Thanks."

"It's not very grand, I spent all the money on setting up the office and making sure the twins had everything."

"Spoiled little girls?"

"Not so much that as trying not to give Therese cause for complaint."

"Yeah, of course. Sorry."

"Don't worry, it's all a bloody nightmare but at least she and I manage to have regular civilised conversations."

"Sounds as if you're lucky."

"Something like."

---

Ralph switched the lights on. "It's a bit basic, I wasn't able..."

Noland cut him off, "Hey, I live in a rented place where you need the landlord's permission to even put up a picture, so this is great."

The light was, admittedly, too bright, but there was nothing between off and on, and Ralph knew that he wanted to see what was happening.

"Drink? I can offer whisky or whisky."

Nolan smiled, "I think I can decide, then."

As Ralph fiddled with the drinks in the kitchen area, Nolan examined the photos on display. He laughed, "Well, I certainly recognise those two."

"The twins hate having their photo taken, that one was done by stealth."

"The others?"

Ralph appeared with the drinks, "That's Mother and Father, when he won some sort of trophy."

"Golf?"

"Mmm. He's inordinately proud of it."

"You're not keen on golf?"

"More, what it's associated with. Golf club and that."

"Fair enough, and the school photo?"

Ralph went red, "I dug that out recently, the slight guy on the right is Gordon, the boy who..."

Nolan chuckled, "And the tall lanky blond is you?"

"Sorry, if it's a bit weird."

"I think what we need to do is make more memories, don't you?"

Nolan leaned forward and upwards and kissed Ralph, who stiffened then relaxed somewhat and leaned in. Ralph felt Nolan's arms slip round him as the two kissed. Ralph didn't want it to stop, alongside the familiar sensations he felt the slight roughness of Nolan’s skin, the firmness of his hands and body, and other firmness too. The sense that this was another man.

"You OK?" Nolan peered at Ralph, who had started trembling.

"Sorry", Ralph gave an abashed smile, "We've hardly started and I'm freaking out."

Nolan reached up and gave Ralph a quick kiss, "Let's take it slow."

They sat on the sofa and Ralph leaned over and kissed Nolan. Then he pulled away, "Can I", he hesitated, "Can I undress you?"

Nolan's eyes widened, "Undress, both of us?"

"Well, eventually but I'd like to see you. I've been dreaming of this", Ralph gave a surprisingly shy, engaging smile. Nolan nodded.

Ralph's hands trembled somewhat, but he unfastened Nolan's smart, dark-blue shirt, revealing a taut, smooth chest, well defined but not too muscly. Then the belt, unfastening the light grey chinos. With a bit of difficulty and some laughing, they got Nolan's trousers off. Ralph got off the sofa, crouched between Nolan's legs, getting a sight of the bulge in Nolan's white briefs. Socks next, revealing long, slim feet and without event thinking Ralph kissed Nolan's toes then took one into his mouth. He looked up at Nolan who seemed surprised, but then the man closed his eyes, and they stayed like that for a long moment.

Then Ralph reached up and drew Nolan's briefs down. Ralph gasped, Nolan's skin was pink-ish white and largely smooth, the head of his dick provided a flash of darker colour, made more striking as Nolan shaved, down there, his belly, dick and balls completely smooth.

"Is something the matter?"

"You're shaved."

Nolan quirked an eyebrow, "I think the story behind that can wait. Sorry if I freaked you out."

"Not like that. It's just he, Gordon, was. It looks, you look fantastic."

And Ralph buried himself in Nolan's crotch. It was all pretty free-form and Nolan let Ralph make much of the running.

Still naked, they returned to their abandoned whiskies.

"I thought we were going to keep our clothes on?" Nolan gave Ralph a smile.

"I couldn't wait, I wanted to see."

"And explore."

"Thank you. My subconscious has been imagining what you looked like under there."

“And did it come up to expectation?”

Ralph grinned, “More than. Real thing’s always better than the imaginary.”

Nolan cocked an eye at Ralph, "Thank you. It's mutual."

Ralph ran a hand over Nolan's shaved area, "So, what's the story?"

"My pubes are, or were, redder than my hair. I got teased unmercifully at school."

"Did you shave then?"

"No. When I was at Uni I did a lot of swimming, and that sort of came with the territory. You're sure it's OK?"

Ralph smiled, "It's fantastic." And for round two, proceeded to show him.

---

Friday morning, Ralph awoke with a fuzzy head. Had last night happened? He had clear memories. It had.

Fuck. The image of Nolan lying there, on the sofa, his sofa, naked and proud.

A shower woke him up and took care of the way his dick had perked up at the thought of Nolan. Coffee was on and Ralph just about dressed when the doorbell went. Who the hell?

Sometimes, they got early deliveries for work, but his time it was Nolan, looking fresh but anxious, and carrying a paper bag. "I don’t have any classes till later and didn't have any personal appointments, so I thought I'd come to check you were OK."

Ralph blinked, "OK after last night?" He ended up smiling at the memory.

"In case you had a morning-after freak-out."

"I..." Ralph thought, "come in."

There were croissants in the bag, good ones. Over coffee and croissants Ralph stared at Nolan. "Last night was fantastic."

"But..."

"I want to do it again."

Nolan raised an eyebrow, "Is that a problem?"

"It's just", Ralph sighed. "I can't imagine telling people. I've never been gay. I'm not gay, I can't be. I have kids, a firm", Ralph came to a halt. "I can't be." If Nolan hadn't been present, if this had been the phone, he might have said more, been nastier. But...

"Then don't", Nolan's voice was quiet, reasonable. "Just enjoy it. Don't put a name to it. You enjoy it?"

"Yes. Damn it. I can't fucking think of anything else. Even now", Ralph turned away angrily.

"Come here."

Ralph ignored Nolan and the man's voice got more authoritative, "I said, come here."

Reluctantly, Ralph turned and walked to face Nolan, who quickly and efficiently unfastened Ralph's trousers. Before he knew it, Nolan was giving him a blow job.

"Oh, fuck!" He didn't last long.

With a big grin, Nolan stood up and gave Ralph a cum-flavoured kiss. Then with a naughty smiled he said, "Next time."

"Next time, what?"

Nolan smirked, "I'm having that arse of yours", he tapped Ralph's bum, "and we're not telling anyone, OK."

"OK?"

"I don't care whether you call yourself gay or straight. We're mates and if we do more, that's up to us. Right?"

Ralph blinked at him, when did cute Nolan become so dominant? "All right, yes, thanks."

Ralph spent the day in a daze. What had happened? He knew he should blow off Nolan next week, but he wouldn't. Couldn't. And part of him hated himself.