Gemini - 16. Little Talks

Josh

“It really sucks that we always have to stay here in the park,” I stated. “I mean it’s nice and all, but we can’t do all that much here.”

Jacob nodded in agreement, but then he stopped and looked at me, a grin spreading on his face. “What if we just don’t?” He pulled out his phone and made a call to someone. “Change of plans for today.”

“Hey wait”, I tried to stop him. “We can’t just go somewhere together. What if someone sees us?”

“They won’t,” he assured me, and then he spoke to his phone. “Hey Sarah, can give us a ride to Schenectady?”

“Schenectady,” I asked confused. “What do you want to do there?”

He grinned at me, but didn’t reply. “Cool, thanks! I will call again and let you know where you can pick us up. I have to ask Ethan first. Can you look up a place with a gaming arcade or something like that?”

“Dude,” I complained while he was listening to Sarah again. ”I gotta be home for dinner in a few hours.”

This time Jacob pointedly ignored me as he spoke into his phone. “Yeah, that was Josh in the background… oh no, he wasn’t saying anything.” He grinned and stuck out his tongue at me.

“Gimme the phone,” I exclaimed and tried to take it from him.

He leaned back, trying to avoid my hands while he continued speaking with Sarah. “Never mind him, it was nothing. Nothing important anywa…”

That was as far as he got before I launched myself on him, knocking him down on his back. At first, he was completely surprised, but then he caught himself and started to fight back. We wrestled for about a minute, and it quickly turned out that he was stronger than me. Despite my best efforts, it was soon me who was lying on his back, with Jacob sitting on my chest, grinning triumphantly.

I relaxed for a second or two and then surprised him once again with a change of tactics. My hands shot to his hips and I started to tickle him mercilessly. Shrieking, he threw away his phone and we started rolling over the grass, giggling. He tried to tickle me, too, but I resisted and finally, I was sitting on top of his chest, both of us panting heavily.

We remained like that for a while until we caught our breath. Then we heard a blaring noise coming from the phone. Sarah was still on the line. I jumped up and raced towards the phone, but Jacob was on his feet in no time and tackled me just as I wanted to grab it. We rolled around and wrestled once again, both trying to get hold of the phone and at the same time trying to stop the other one from doing so. I gave my best, but Jacob was just better than me, and this time tickling didn’t work, so he finally won the fight.

“That’s all Sarah, thanks!” He panted into the phone, and hung up, while struggling to keep me away with his free hand.

“Not fair!” I exclaimed and gave him a mad look.

He stuck his tongue out at me. “Sucks to be you.”

I didn’t manage to keep my mad look any longer, and we cracked up.

“Well, looks like we’re going,” Jacob said with a smirk.

“But we barely have any time,” I complained.

“An hour or two, that’s still good enough,” Jacob replied. “It’s gonna be fun.”

“Okay, maybe you’re right,” I gave in. “Thanks. I actually like the idea, but you could have asked me first.”

He laughed. “It doesn’t make a difference now, does it? But next time I will. Promise.”

Twenty minutes later, Jacob, Sarah, and I were waiting for Ethan and Cody on some parking lot next to a mall.

“Thanks for doing this for us,” Jacob said to Sarah.

“No problem,” she replied and smiled at him. Instead of turning back around immediately, she hesitated for a moment and kept looking at him. Then her eyes suddenly focused on something behind us. “There they are!”

“I get to ride shotgun,” I could hear Ethan squeak from outside the car only seconds later. He jumped in next to Sarah while Cody opened the door to join Jacob and me on the back seat.

When he saw us, he stopped dead in his tracks. It took him a few seconds to start speaking. “Wow, I expected you guys to just look very similar, but… damn, you’re clones!” He exclaimed.

“Hey Cody,” I greeted him grinning.

“Are you Jacob or Josh?” He asked, slightly confused, while he got in and buckled up.

“I’m Jacob,” I said, almost automatically.

“And I’m Josh,” Jacob added right away.

Cody seemed satisfied, but Ethan turned around to look at us, frowning. “Didn’t you say that you wouldn’t swap again until Friday?”

“Well, yeah, we can still swap back tonight, if we want to,” I said, and shrugged.

Ethan, still suspicious, turned to Sarah and her face must have given it away, because he immediately looked back at us. “Nice try,” he said, slightly amused.

“Okay Cody, that,” he pointed at me, “is Josh and that,” he pointed at Jacob,” is Jacob. They like to do that. You’ll get used to it.”

Cody gave us a confused look, but then he grinned and turned to Ethan. “Does it really make a difference whether you get the names right or not? They are clones, so they are the same anyway. They probably react to either of their names, too.”

“You never know,” Ethan said, and winked at us. “Even identical twins aren’t completely the same.”

That really freaked me out and I barely managed to hide my shock. Was he referring to me being gay? A look over to Jacob told me that he must have thought the same, because his face was unusually blank. Luckily, we quickly caught ourselves. “There is no difference at all,” I asserted.

Jacob couldn’t help but object to that. “But of course, there is!” He exclaimed. “I’m the older one, so I’m stronger and better.”

Immediately, I started tickling him, once again. “Take that back!”

“Nooo!” He wailed, squirming around and kicking against the back of Sarah’s seat in the process.

“Behave boys,” Sarah ordered from the front. “Geez, I’m trying to get us to Schenectady in one piece. You’re acting worse than five-year-olds.”

Not wanting to cause Sarah any trouble, I stopped tickling Jacob, pulled my hands back and let him calm down. It was a mistake I should not have made. Only seconds later, it was me who was squirming and squeaking like a dying hamster.

“Guys! Stop or I will drop you off somewhere on the side of the highway and have you walk all the way home,” Sarah complained, and finally Jacob let go of me. He didn’t make the same mistake though. He was still ready to start tickling me again and watched me closely while I tried to catch my breath. A few seconds later, we started grinning at each other, and then giggling.

“Okay, you win,” he said. “We’re the same. I’m still sure I’m the older one, though.”

“Are not!” I shot back.

“Am too,” Jacob mocked me. Cody and Ethan both cracked up and that got me and Jacob laughing, too. I was glad that our playful fight had gotten the attention away from Ethan’s comment, although I was still worried that he possibly knew about me. Just then, my phone rang. I quickly signaled for the others to be quiet. Before I took the call, I glanced at the screen, but didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?” I said uncertainly.

An all too familiar voice came from the other end. “Hey Josh, it’s Philip.”

“What do you want?” I asked, probably not in the nicest way, but I reacted before thinking.

“Wow, chill out”, he said. “I was just wondering where you were. School was out more than an hour ago and you still aren’t home.”

“I’m at the park,” I lied. “Why do you ask?”

“Oh, you are with your new friends?” He asked, ignoring my question. “And what’s this background noise?”

“Yes, I am, and that must be the connection,” I lied once again, praying that none of the other cars would honk or something like that. Why was he calling me and asking all these questions? He had never once done this before. Then again, I pretty much always went straight home after school. There was a short silence and I took the opportunity and reacted before he could.

“So like, why are you calling?” I asked. I tried to sound as dismissive as I could, hoping that would prevent him from prying any further. “I’m kind of busy right now, so…”

“Oh right,” he said, and suddenly he sounded… nervous? “Uhm, your parents won’t be home for dinner, and I just thought, well… since you’re hanging out with your friends, it’s fine by me if you stay out longer. Just be back before I leave,” he paused. “Nine pm, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll be back in time. Thanks!” I promised, and hung up. Was I dreaming? And was it a good thing or a bad thing considering my worries about Philip? I turned to the others and relayed the good news. “Guys, I can stay longer!”

“Nice!” Ethan exclaimed. “How come?”

“Uhm, Philip said I could stay out longer since my parents wouldn’t be home before late,” I said, trying not to show that while I was happy about it, I was also a little worried. Jacob didn’t hide his feelings as well as I did, but luckily nobody noticed his worried look. I quickly smiled at him, pretending that everything was okay. I didn’t want the others to ask any questions, and after a few moments of thinking, I rationalized that I could do little about our possible problem with Philip. It was not worth ruining the afternoon over it, so I resolved to focus on the good things.

Soon after, we were standing on the parking lot of some medium-sized mall. Instead of bothering to find a free parking space, Sarah had simply driven into one a little further away from the buildings where there were only few cars.

When we had left the car, Jacob couldn’t help but comment on Sarah’s parking skills. “Well, that’s almost perfect,” he said wryly as he was looking at the car.

“Yeah, a little more diagonal and you’d be blocking three instead of only two parking spaces,” Ethan added grinning.

Sarah shot them an evil glare, but Ethan couldn’t help himself.

“Well, at least we get some exercise from the walk to the other end of the parking lot,” he quipped.

“As if you could do it any better,” she shot back. “You don’t even have a license, and if it was up to me, Ethan would never get one either. That’d be a loose cannon just waiting to paint the town red. As if one of you would manage to fit this big car in one of the small free spaces over at the building.”

“Maybe you can teach us how to fit such a big thing in such a small space,” Ethan said and winked at her. Jacob blushed at that, but luckily nobody other than me seemed to notice it.

To my surprise, Sarah just grinned at his innuendo. “I think you should ask Cody about that. He might teach you the reverse version.”

While Jacob and I had to stifle our laughter, this actually stopped Ethan for a second and made him look worriedly over to Cody, probably to check how he had taken the joke. Cody didn’t seem to be fazed, though, and jump right in on the fun. “Well, I’m not a licensed instructor,” he said, and winked at Ethan. “But if you ask nicely, we might just practice together.”

That got Ethan to blush, if only a little, while the rest of us broke into another fit of laughter.

“Let’s go,” Cody exclaimed before Ethan could think of a comeback. “I wanna play Dance Dance Revolution. Anyone up for a challenge? Ethan?”

“You bet,” Ethan retorted, apparently happy to change the subject. “You don’t really believe that you stand a chance against me, do you?”

Cody just laughed. “We shall see. Loser has to pay for dinner.”

♊

“Ha! That’s it, you looose!” Jacob proclaimed. I ripped my eyes away from Cody and Ethan who were enjoying themselves on the Dance Dance Revolution machine at the other side of the room, and looked at the score on the air hockey table: 10-2. “See, I am the better twin,” he teased me.

I shrugged. “Yeah, whatever.”

“You alright?” He asked me, suddenly worried because I didn’t share his enthusiasm. “If you wanna play something else, that’s okay. We don’t have to do this just because I want it.”

“It’s okay, don’t worry,” I replied. It had been a lot of fun to play with him, but the longer I watched Ethan and Cody out of the corner of my eye, the more I saw them getting along so well, the stronger the stinging feeling of jealousy grew in my chest. “I was just elsewhere with my thoughts, but I’m fine,” I lied.

There, they had just finished the song and apparently both of them had aced it. Cody wanted to give Ethan a high five, but Ethan ignored his hand and enthusiastically glomped him instead. Oh, how I longed for him to do that to me! Even though I knew it was childish, the twinge of jealousy grew even stronger. I had always hated not being in control of my emotions, and I did even more so now. All they were doing was having fun and being friends, and I was ruining my time with Jacob over it.

“Well, since Josh still seems to be in dreamland, you up for a challenge, Sarah?” I heard Jacob ask after a moment. Or had it been longer? I had to stop zoning out like this, or Jacob would quickly figure out that I was falling for Ethan. He already knew I was gay, and he had taken that well, but I wasn’t so sure if he would be equally cool about me having the hots for his best friend. Sighing deeply I forced attention back to Jacob and Sarah.

“... but why don’t you ask Ethan? I was actually gonna grab something to eat. He and Cody are done and coming over here as we speak,” Sarah said, and pointed at the two.

Jacob turned around to check and when he saw them coming towards us, he grinned at them. “So, who won?”

“Me!” They exclaimed at the same time, and Ethan beamed at us with his adorable grin.

“Yes, sure,” Jacob said with a raised eyebrow. “Anyway, Ethan, you up for a challenge?”

“Of course,” Ethan shot back. “Be prepared to lose!”

“Well guys, I’ll be back in a few, I’m hungry,” Sarah interjected. “Anyone else wanna come?”

Ethan and Jacob were already starting their game, and Cody just shrugged. “No thanks, I’m not really hungry.”

Sarah turned to me. “How about you, Josh?”

For a moment, I hesitated. I wanted to stay here, and I wasn’t hungry either, but then I realized that a little distance from Ethan and Cody was going to do me some good. “I’m in,” I replied, and joined Sarah on her way out of the gaming arcade. I was a little worried about my chances with Ethan because if he really was gay, Cody could turn out to be a serious competitor. If I didn’t come out to Ethan soon, I could be too late and lose him to Cody, and I sure as hell didn’t want to risk that.

I resolved that none of these would happen that day and that being jealous wasn’t going to help me at all. I couldn’t think straight when I was in a mood like this. I had to do my best to suppress my feelings and focus on something else. Maybe I would have my chance with Ethan during the weekend.

“So what do you want to eat?” I asked Sarah.

“Pizza, I guess,” she replied. “Let’s see what they have first.”

We found the food court and Sarah got herself some pizza and soda while I opted not to eat. As we were sitting at one of the tables and she was eating, the conversation went on.

“Can you tell me about Jacob?” I asked her. She gave me a questioning look, so I went on. “Well, when you became friends, what he was like when he was younger, stuff like that.” I shrugged. “I can’t ask his parents or brothers, and asking Ethan would be weird. Guys don’t talk about stuff like that, but I thought maybe you have a few things to share.”

“Just because I’m a girl?” She asked, feigning to be offended. “And why do you want to know that kinda stuff?”

“Yes, just because you are a girl,” I smirked. “And I don’t know really. I guess it’s just that we’ve grown up separately and I feel like I’ve missed out on all that time when he was growing up, so I wonder what he was like before we met.” To be honest, I really had no clue where that question came from. Actually, I had only tried to get my mind away from Ethan and Cody, and Philip, so I had ended up thinking about Jacob. Then this thought had come up in my mind and I had simply asked without reflecting on it first.

“He was somehow similar to how you are now,” she told me, and leaned back in her seat, nibbling at a slice of pizza. “Like Ethan, I’ve known him since the start of high school, though Ethan befriended him first. He was kinda introverted, not really shy, but more… withdrawn, and really cute.” She smiled and even blushed a little when she said that. My heart almost stopped for a second. Did that mean Jacob had a chance with her? I didn’t want to let her see my reaction, though, so I quickly went on with my questions.

“Jacob? Introverted?” I asked quizzically. “I mean, he’s not exactly another Ethan, but he’s far from introverted. Has he changed that much?”

“Well,” she laughed. “I guess that’s what Ethan does to people. Look at you.”

“Well, I guess you’ve got a point,” I admitted. “But I can’t picture him like that. He seems so… strong.”

She raised an eyebrow at that. “Strong? I guess back then it was mostly because of his brothers. He always hung around them and their friends. It’s not like they kept him down or anything, but he never did much else. His status with them and among their friends was something he could take for granted, so he stuck to them. He has become more independent during this year, but not fully. I think that is why Ian is giving you these weird looks. He’s noticed a change in Jacob’s, or actually your, behavior.”

“Wow,” I said. “How did you notice all that? Maybe you should study psychology?”

“Actually, that’s what I’d like to do,” she laughed.

“Do you think there will be a problem with Ian?” I asked apprehensively.

“Nah,” she said confidently. “He’s a good guy even if he worries a bit too much. He’s only eleven months older than Jacob, but treats him like it’s three years. I mean, it even makes sense if you look at them; Ian probably weighs twice as much as Jacob, and it’s all muscle. Anyway, worst case scenario? Ian worries that Jacob is taking drugs or something like that. It should blow over quickly because obviously Jacob doesn’t do that.”

“And what if he follows him to find out?” I worried.

“I don’t think that would happen. He would try to talk about it first. I will warn Jacob, though, if that makes you feel better,” she suggested, and shoved the last piece of pizza into her mouth. I just nodded, unsure what to reply. She had known them much longer than I did, so I had to trust her judgment.

“You wanna go right back to the others or check out the place for a bit?” She asked when she was done chewing.

“Let’s walk around for a bit,” I said, maybe a little too quickly. “If you want to?”

“That’s cool,” she said. “The games aren’t all that bad, but I’m not as into them as the guys are.”

We got up and after we had left the food court, Sarah quickly found a jewelry store and dragged me inside with her. I was disinterestedly walking around in the store and looking at the glass cabinets, waiting for her to get bored of this when something caught my eye. In one corner was a collection of pendants, all signs of the zodiac. I didn’t even know why I recognized them, I wasn’t all that much into astrology, but it was one of those things I had read about in one of those boring nights of my life before I had met Jacob.

“You found something interesting?” Sarah suddenly asked from behind me.

I shrugged and gestured at the pendants. “Nothing really, I was just looking at those. They are nice.”

She observed them and then pointed at the symbol of Gemini, the twins; two parallel, vertical bars with an arch resting each against their top and their bottom. “That one would be so cute on Jacob and you. Two of them I mean, one for each of you.”

“Are you saying I should buy him one? Wouldn’t that be a bit too gay? I protested, surprising myself with my reaction and choice of words.

Sarah gave me a measuring look from head to toe, and then she giggled. “So? Sounds pretty hot if you ask me.”

“I’m not… we’re not… no way, not in that way,” I said and grimaced. Sarah’s giggles turned into laughter when she saw my facial expression. “You’re worse than Ethan,” I complained.

“I think it was funny,” she said with an exaggeratedly smug pose. I just rolled my eyes at her, but then I turned back to the pendant and looked at it closely. It was nicely done, silver, and not exactly cheap.

“But seriously, I don’t think it would be gay or anything,” Sarah stated. “It would be a good-looking necklace with a symbolic meaning, nothing more or less.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Actually, I would like to buy two of them, but I don’t want it to look weird to Jacob,” I said, suddenly letting her into all my insecurities. I didn’t even know why, probably because she was the only person I could talk to about this “I already feel like I’m clinging to him and I worry that if I overdo it he will be weirded out and push me away. He could take this the wrong way.” I couldn’t tell her that me being gay weighed in on this problem, but I think I still got my point across well enough.

She nodded understandingly. “Why don’t you talk to him about it? He will understand how you feel, I’m pretty sure of that.”

I looked back at the pendant and thought about that for a few minutes. Jacob had changed my life so much, and I felt like I owed him, but I had no idea how I could possibly pay him back. Money probably wasn’t the way, but maybe a small token like this would be a good start. I pulled out my wallet and looked at my credit card.

I had it for emergencies and pretty much never used it, but if I wanted to, I could. My parents wouldn’t notice because it was Philip’s job to watch over things like these. Would he tell my parents? Would this make my current situation with him any worse? I sighed. Was it even possible to make the whole problem with Philip any worse? Probably not. He wouldn’t see it right away, if he would notice it at all. Like so often lately, I decided that I didn’t care.

“You aren’t actually gonna buy them now, are you?” Sarah asked me, as I approached the clerk. “Those are expensive.”

“Well, what does it look like?” I replied with a grin. “Thanks for the idea and thanks for your tips.”

“You are crazy,” she stated. “Are you gonna give it to him right away?”

I thought about that for a moment, but then I decided against it. “I’ll probably wait until the weekend when he goes on his trip to Washington.”

After I had bought two of the pendants, with fitting silver chains, we headed back to the others. Luckily Sarah talked Cody into entertaining her with Dance Dance Revolution, so Ethan, Jacob and me were left together and that calmed the green little monster within me for the time being. In the end, we didn’t even stay as long as I wished because Ethan’s parents wanted him to come home earlier. After a long, exhausting and emotional day, I entered my home around half past eight.

“Good evening,” Philip greeted me from the hallway as I closed the door behind me. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

“Yeah, thanks for letting me stay out longer,” I told him with a smile. If I ever wanted this privilege again, I had to be friendly. I wasn’t about to have a small talk with him, though. “It was nice, but exhausting, so I will go get my homework done and head straight to bed after that.”

“That’s okay,” Philip said. He hesitated for a moment, and then he smiled at me. “You seem happy. It’s nice to see you like that. You should go out more often with those friends of yours. We both know your parents would probably not want them to come over, but other than that… if you need my help with anything, or want to stay out longer, or like that… well, just let me know.”

“Thanks,” I said, and smiled faintly, unsure how I should react to his words.

He looked at me for a few seconds longer, and then he nodded. “Well, I’m gonna finish up my work and head home. Have a good night, Josh.”

“Night,” I replied, and walked up the stairs to my room, feeling relieved and apprehensive at the same time. Relieved that he didn’t seem to mean any harm, yet apprehensive that I was wrong and worried that I had a nasty surprise ahead of me.